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Aelys cannot sleep. The Gala had been a whirlwind and even though they had come out relatively unscathed and successful, she could not get her brain to shut down. Normally her conversations with X is what kept her up but it wasn't that this time.
Heat still prickled her check from where Jean Baptiste had held her face. She can feel it as her brain replays her gasp at that, the warmth that spread over her body.
It was the mood of the gala she tries to reason to herself we just got swept up in the finery of it all.
The skin of her back tinges as she remembers his hand on it, pulling her to him. Dancing had never felt that intimate in the decades she had done it previously. It had always been for an end, an agenda, charm had been simple and dancing had been manipulation. It had never just been something for me. This was an exception and it meant nothing.
She audibly sighed, not even being able to believe herself. She had become very attached to her friends over the last few weeks. It hasn’t even been a month yet.
That fact didn’t seem to quiet her brain at all.
Attachments do not ever end well for me.
A russell in one of the other beds in the shared sleeping quarters for Sentinel Frontline causes her to still. Someone shifts in their sleep, murmuring softly.
Looks like I will not be sleeping tonight, may as well find something to read.
She slips from her bed, grateful for the silent floor boards. As she turns, her eyes connect with Valor’s, who is perched on the end of Synnove’s bed. Valor’s purple eyes focus on her, unblinking.
Aelys freezes, feeling caught. Valor raises her eyebrow at her, an unspoken question - where are you going?
A fair question based on my prior actions
“Cannot sleep, going to find something to read” Aelys mouths the words in answer. Valor nods, returning to staring straight ahead.
Aelys quickly exits the bedroom, passing through the common space to reach the R&D Lab. They had been limited in books there previously but she needed something to distract her from her thoughts.
She enters the R&D Lab, scanning the bookcases for anything that could be a miniscule of interest. The bookshelves were filled with many research projects as well as some textbooks that she would not be touching. Nothing on the bookshelves draws her eye and she sighs again. I am never going to be able to rest.
She scans the rest of the room, hoping for something else when her eye catches the fiction book sitting on the stack of books they had stolen from the Archive. Well that could be interesting.
Crossing the room, her eyes catch on the Reliquary of the Needle in the stack. Her memory flashes to X’s request for the dreamer’s codex page to be destroyed. The page was still just placed in the book. She could feel the energy off the Needle’s book and she reminded herself that this is a dangerous book.
A not right now problem, Sleep first. I will not break my friends trust
Her attention flicks back to the Roots of Scale & Fury. Picking it from the workbench, she thumbs through it, looking to see if anything in it sparks an interest. Reading the first couple of pages, she can see that some of this should be able to occupy her brain, hopefully.
High Fantasy was not really my first choice but it would do for now. Spinning around to find a seat to sit in, she blinks as she raises her eyes from the pages. There is a shirtless blue man leaning in the doorway.
Jean Baptiste, pants resting low along his hips, rubs sleep from his eyes. She watches him stretch, lingering a little too long on him. Katari’s words from under the table ring in Aelys’ ears “Do you care for him as a person?”. She had answered yes and that was before the storm run, Disterra and the Gala.
Why does he have to look like a romance novel hero?
The memory of their positive energy flow that transferred across them pops into her head. Soft smiles and amazement had been shared between them. Skin on skin with the cerulean energy that had also flowed around them during the Gala caused a hitch in her breath. Being that close to him still caused her pulse to pick up, even just thinking about their space.
Pull yourself together.
His eyes are already searching her face when she snaps her eyes to his face. A flush rises to her cheeks, her lips parting slightly as she realizes she’s been caught. His gaze holds hers as she finds herself unable to hide from him. The heat returns to her cheeks, betraying her.
Ohhh shit, did he notice?
She stands, stock still. He presses off the door frame, a playful glint in his eyes makes her question if he noticed—and, perhaps, he’s not entirely bothered by it.
Wishful thinking.
A smile flashes across his face, just as mischievous as when she had apologized for waking him up.
“Are you okay?” He asks, still searching her face.
“I’m.. I’m not okay but that is just because I couldn’t sleep, that's all,” She curses herself for not being pulled together enough.
He levels her with a quirk of his eyebrow, a face she is regularly faced with and her chuckle is soft in the room.
“The Pit was a lot and the Gala was,” She pauses, choosing her words carefully.
Exhilarating, exciting, the first time i’ve felt like my past self in years, comfortable, wonderful
JB’s answer to her pause was telling, “interesting”
Very interesting
She almost snorts at his answer, Of course he would choose not to elaborate.
“Interesting, yes as well as overwhelming, but we got the beacon,” She tried to redirect the conversation,”I just need some sleep and I will be okay.”
As if feeling her trepidation, he moves closer, eyes locked on her face,” are you sure?”
“Yes, Jean Baptiste, I am, I was just in here looking for something to read” She smiles despite herself. She raises the fiction book, turning it to show him.
His eyes darted to the book in her hand, concern still etched in his brow.
Why?
She watches his eyes roam over the book, searching for something. He visibly relaxes as he recognizes the cover.
It took her a second to interpret that emotional change.
Did he think that I was going to take the needle’s book?
That realization feels like a knife to the chest. He was the one of the only people she thought would believe in her.
If JB doesn’t believe in me.
A lump grew in her throat at that thought. She pulls the book to her chest, wrapping her arms around herself as her shoulders slump.
The air between them becomes thick with tension.
“Aelys,” Concern laces his voice, clearly reading her sadness on her face. She can feel the weight of her own thoughts sinking into her chest.
Why can't I do anything right?
His steps further into the room ring like the bell at the Gala. She tries to calm her heartbeat as she blurts out,”I am sorry”
The room stills again as he does, holding space to allow her to continue. She cannot hold his eyes anymore, looking away as she tries to compose herself.
“I am sorry that” she almost gives up, defeated by her constant thoughtlessness, “I put the GodSleep in your head, I am sorry that I cannot control myself sometimes, I am sorry that I cannot talk to people. I am sorry.”
Her exhale is loud in the quiet place. Trying to be brave, she finds his gaze again.
“It’s okay,” The kindness in his eyes breaks her tenuous composure. Tears trail down her face, not being able to restrict her frustration and sadness.
“I’m sorry that even when I try to do something good, I still hurt you all,”
She squeezes her eyes shut, willing the tears to stop.The room is silent other than the concealed sobs racking her body.
His steps break the silence as he approaches her.
“Aelys,” her name hung in the air between them. She opens her eyes, reluctantly meeting his gaze.
The blue of his eyes seem to carry compassion, understanding and a little bit of hesitation.
The hesitation caught her off guard. She rests against the workbench, searching his eyes.
He reaches forward, gently pulls the book from her grasp. Her breaths pick up as he leans closer to her. Placing the book back on the workbench, he stills, a gentle question in his eyes - May I?
She nods, her silent sobs now coming out in gasps. Pulling her in, he tucks her under his chin, arms wrapped around her shoulders and back. She allows herself to melt into his embrace. Her head rests against his shoulder, the weight of her emotions softening with the steadiness of his breath. Her arms slide up his back, holding on as if trying to anchor herself in the midst of the guilt inside her.
His embrace is steady and reassuring, a silent promise that, even in her vulnerability, she is not alone. The act itself speaks volumes—empathy, care, and the desire to help heal in whatever way possible. It's a quiet exchange, both of them finding solace in the shared space between them.
Their breaths synchronize as Aelys calms. A comfortable silence fills the room as they lean on each other. Focused on breathing and their heart beats, time seems to slow. Yet again, they are in their own space, white wisps curling around them.
“You are allowed to make mistakes,” JB murmurs into her ear, “You are worthy of being given grace in times of turmoil. We have already forgiven you, I have already forgiven you, can you forgive yourself?”
A small chuckle left her mouth before she could stop it, a smile slowly spreading as she really listened to his words.
“You protected us, even if it was a little unnerving at times,” His words are gentle, encouraging in her ear.
She releases a full laugh, pressing her face into his chest more.
JB seems to have caught her reaction as he continues, ”Let me protect you from yourself. You are important. Important to..”
She pulls back, catching his eyes as he trails off. His hold does not relax on her. She realizes that the hand that had been on her back now has hold of her side, his forearm holding her firmly in their embrace. That heat from the Gala sparked between them, eyes locked. Aelys doesn't shy away from it this time.
Important to you? Am I important to you?
“Important to who, Jean Baptiste?” The turbulence resurges in his eyes, deep, soft, focused.
A new tension settles between them, seemingly brewing a different type of storm. She searches his eyes and face for any sign of his answer. His face, normally stoic and calm, betrays the storm he is fighting inside.
Don’t fight the storm, be it.
“Jean,” His name comes out breathy and his eyes drop from hers, down her face.
Just say it.
“Aelys”, he breathes, lips close enough that all she would have to do is lean into him.
His attention returns to her eyes, searching, hoping.
Just do it.
She tries to convey with her eyes, pleading with him to answer. He leans down.
“Hello?” Isaiah’s voice breaks the moment as he asks, “Aelys? Jean Baptiste? Are you in need of any assistance?”
Aelys’ head whips around to see Isaish’s knowing grin as he surveys them.
It’s JB that pulls away first this time. His hand slides across her back, not actually stopping contact. He creates space between them while ensuring she can still feel him with her.
“I was just looking for a book to read. I’m having trouble sleeping,” an awkward laugh comes from Aelys as she looks everywhere but Isaiah and JB.
Isaiah’s chuckle is loud in the space,“Ohh, Did you find something?”
Aelys turns back to the workbench to go to grab the book again, JB’s hand still pressed into her side. Her focus falters, desperate to keep her composure. Her hand drops the book again and she steps away from the workbench.
“I did but I think I will just try to sleep again,” Having collected herself, she looks up at JB and a soft smile graces her face, “Thank you”
The charged look that JB gives her causes her to turn quickly to hurry out. She can feel Isaiah trace her as she exits.
There is NO way I am sleeping now
She does not see the knowing look Isaiah gives JB with a raised eyebrow and the turbulence that has deepened in JB's eyes.