Chapter Text
She's done this before, but not like this.
Ever since the incident, she's been living the same cycle every day. Wake up, eat, sleep, wake up in time for dinner, eat, sleep again, repeat. It's been her life for the past 3 weeks but today was different. Her day had been going normally until he showed up at her door.
His ashy brown hair was wet, shaggy, and all over the place. He looked soaked from the pouring rain outside and was shivering slightly, but she found herself not worrying about his health or how he was feeling.
"Hey," he said, biting his lip gently as his chocolate brown eyes bore into hers, searching for any sign of any emotion.
There was no point, she was numb.
"Why are you here?" she asked quietly, trying to keep her cool as her fingers grasp the gold tinted doorknob tightly, her knuckles whitening a bit as frustration took over her features.
How dare he show up after weeks of no communication whatsoever? He led her to believe that he didn't want her anymore and all of a sudden he's at her doorstep for some unknown reason.
"I wanted to, uh. I just, I don't- I don't know," he mumbled incoherently, looking down at his feet as he rocked back and forth on his heels, his face contorted into a look of obscurity.
A long sigh slipped past his lips as he rubbed his temple with his calloused fingers, feeling his lips dry up quickly before letting his tongue dart out, a substitute for the chapstick he was missing.
The thoughts in his head were behaving like children; they were all over the place and wouldn't stop running. He couldn't grasp his judgments when his conscience was yelling ideas at him in different voices simultaneously. He didn't know what to say, when to say, or how to say anything with his mind clouded by unnecessary things. All he could do was muster a simple three-worded statement as an attempt to sum up his busy thoughts.
"I miss you."
The statement came out in barely a whisper, he was surprised that she even caught it with the wind howling and the rain pounding just behind him. His eyes met hers and immediately he regretted saying anything as he saw anger burning in her eyes.
"Doesn't seem like it," she replied bitterly, her eyes narrowing a little bit as she observed him a little more, looking him up and down.
His eyes were red and puffy, tainted memories of the restless nights he spent with tears streaming down his face. They had lost the spark, the flame that used to rest in them. He had a slight droop of his shoulders that wasn't there the last time she saw him. On normal days, she'd scold him for bad posture and how he'd have back pains when they'd get older, but today wasn't a normal day. No, not at all.
Her tongue poked at her cheek from the inside, "You look exhausted."
"You look beautiful," he replied in less than a second, no hesitation whatsoever as he thought out loud.
"Can I," he paused, analyzing her facial expressions, "-can I please come inside?"
The girl hesitated, her eyes going over the boy once again and took note of his shivering and almost blue lips. She stepped aside, letting him walk past her and into the warmth of her oh so familiar home.
The boy looked around, his teeth chattering every once in awhile as sporadic waves of chills ran down his spine. Her house was messier than usual, random articles of clothing lying about and no lights on except for the one upstairs, third door to the left. Her room. The same room where many firsts between them occurred. Their first kiss, first fight, and all the other firsts you can think of. Another wave of chills ran down his back at the thought of their history together in that room, causing his whole body to shake.
“God, you really must be freezing,” she paused, thinking of any possible solutions, “I’ll go get you some spare clothes or something to help you warm up. Um, wait in the living room.”
Nodding, he started his walk down the familiar halls, making his way to the room she had directed him to. As he made his journey, he studied the frames hanging on the walls. He decided that a short stop wouldn’t hurt anybody. His eyes were met with pictures of family, her alone, some shots of the sky and the nature. He saw all of her memories in a narrow hall.
He was nearing the end when a certain picture caught his eye. Furrowing his eyebrows, he walked closer to see the picture clearer. He reached out when he was only mere centimeters away, his fingers picking up the polaroid as he bit his lip gently. It was a picture they had taken the morning of the incident, smiling and holding each other close. The calm before the storm. He remembers taking it, unaware of what awaited them.
The sound of feet hitting the stairs interrupted his train of thought and he quickly returned the polaroid, pressing down on it so the tape backing secured it to the wall. He made his way to the living room, his original destination as he tried to avoid getting caught being nosy and wandering where his business isn’t.
She found him in the living room, rocking back and forth on his heels and scratching the back of his neck, teeth chattering quietly in the silence of the room. After minutes of scavenging, the only things she could find were a pair of sweatpants from her brother and a thick, furry blanket.
“Uh, here. I found some sweatpants my brother left and a blanket,” she said, handing over the items in her hands.
“Thanks, I’ll just go in the bathroom,” he said, nodding at her as a sign of thankfulness.
She gave him a small, hesitant smile as she watched him enter the bathroom before plopping down on the couch, both her hands on her face and her elbows resting on her knees as she sighed loudly. After weeks of nothing, she had just started getting used to this bland life she had been living and all of a sudden he was back? Just when everything seemed to become normal again.
The door clicked and he stepped out, dressed in the sweatpants she lent him and a blanket wrapped around his bare shoulders. In his hands were his soaked clothes, small drops of water falling onto the floor below as he ran his fingers through his flattened, damp hair.
She got up, holding her hands out for him to drop his clothes in, “Here, I’ll put them in the dryer or something. Do you need a sweatshirt? I might still have some from the last time you…”
The girl trailed off, her eyes averting from his as he gave her his belongings, “Thank you.”
She nodded at him, walking over to her laundry room as he took a seat on the couch, licking his lips and rubbing at his tired eyes. He doesn’t know why he even bothered to come here, he doesn’t know why his mind would lead him to think that she would forgive him for all his heartless actions and his hurtful words.
As soon as the girl got the dryer going, she made her way back to the living room and sat down next to the boy, leaving a few inches of space between them. Silence washed over the room like an angry wave during the high tide falling onto the sandy beach.
“How have you been?” the boy tried, looking up at the girl sat next to him, studying her reactions.
“Cut the crap, Ryder.”
God, even after weeks of separation, the way his name slipped past her lips so effortlessly made his body go haywire. Ryder could feel his heart beating against his chest and all his thoughts bounce around his busy brain.
“I wanted to talk about-“
She cut him off, “Talk about what? How you decide to come to me after weeks of absolutely nothing? To come to me just when I feel like everything is turning back to normal for me? You can’t do that, Ryder! You just can’t do that to me!” she yelled, darting up from her seat on the couch, sounding as if she was on the verge of tears.
“I’m sorry, and I know sorry doesn’t cut it at all but I don’t know what else to say or rather, how to say it. I haven’t been able to think straight ever since I walked out that door 3 weeks ago, and it’s all thanks to you. It’s all because of you and how you make me feel, how you make my mind go crazy at just the simplest touch. But after I left, it seemed that I couldn’t function without you anymore and it’s been driving me absolutely insane!”
I love you, he wanted to say.
“That won’t take back what you did,” she whispered, tears pooling up in her eyes. She frantically went to wipe them away before they started to trail down her cheek, not exactly wanting Ryder to see her weak side.
“I was drunk!” Ryder tried defending himself, throwing his hands up in the air as he shoots up from where he was sitting.
“Well, you know what they say. Drunk words are sober thoughts,” she laughs dryly, turning away from him and running her fingers through her hair, clearly frustrated judging by her ragged, heavy breaths.
“I would never, ever think about cheating on you, Aurora,” he said, his voice faltering a bit.
“Doesn’t seem like it. Especially when you call me at 4 am, rambling to me about how good she was in bed,” Aurora scoffed, turning to face Ryder with anger evident in her features.
“I wasn’t thinking straight,” he sighed loudly, rubbing the sides of his head slowly, “I thought she was you.”
“Screw you and your lies. I know you were just tired of waiting.”
“I would wait forever for you,” he muttered just loud enough for her to ear, his eyes locking with hers as he looked up from the floor.
This was her breaking point. Aurora falls to her knees, tears streaming from her eyes and down her cheeks like rapid waterfalls. Ryder immediately falls next to her and takes her in his arms, kissing the top of her head gently, whispering comforting words.
“I’m so sorry, Aurora,” he mumbled, his lips brushing her ear after every syllable. Ryder could feel the familiar stinging in his eyes as he held her in his arms for the first time in a month.
After hours of him comforting her as she wept in his arms, she had fallen asleep. Ryder picked Aurora up bridal style, an arm under her knees and one on her lower back, supporting her petite figure as he carried her up the stairs and into her bedroom. He laid her down in the bed gently, wrapping the blanket that was around his shoulders over her, taking a seat at the end of her bed.
“You’re an idiot, Ryder,” he whispered to himself, the tears accumulating and quickly trailing down his face as his horrible thoughts became the focus of his attention.
⎯
She was wide awake at 4 am, her eyelids heavy and puffed up from all the crying she had done just hours before. Her eyes were glued to the glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling, and her mind was glued to the fact that she had her ex-boyfriend in her house just hours earlier. Soon both her eyes and her mind were glued to this boy in the chair next to her bed. Aurora really should’ve been surprised, but for some reason, she wasn’t.
She turned to her side, her hand under his head as her eyes looked him up and down, or rather side to side. He was curled up in a ball, arms wrapped around his legs as they were brought up to his chest. Ryder looked as if this was the first sleep he’s had in a while, the first in a while where he has time to rest. He still wasn’t wearing a shirt and since he gave the blanket he had to Aurora, he had nothing to cover his bare body. Aurora contemplated whether to give him back the blanket but decided against it, coming to the conclusion that he would be fine without the warmth since he was nothing but cold inside anyway
A few minutes passed and Aurora felt like her throat was the Sahara des[ur (im telling [zayn is(but ur ugly) hot] your mom) ugly]sert. Standing up slowly, she pulled the blanket over her shoulders and made her way to the door, pulling it open slowly and quietly, trying not to wake the boy in the chair. She failed, the creak of the door hinges alerting him. Aurora already had her back turned when Ryder’s head picked up from the armrest as his eyes fluttered open. The first thing he saw as soon as he gained enough consciousness was the empty bed where Aurora was laying only moments before he woke up.
”Rory?” he mumbled, his voice deep and scratchy from being in such a deep sleep.
Aurora was in the hall, about to make her way down the steps when she heard Ryder call out to her softly. The name he had chosen in the moment wasn’t making the situation any better for her than it was before. It was something only he had the permission to call her. This made her heartbeat pick up and she so badly wished that he didn’t have such an effect on her, but it wasn’t really her choice anymore. She had fallen too hard.
Aurora shook her head before continuing her journey to hydrate her body. Her throat was burning, in dire need of water. Walking a little faster, Aurora was in the kitchen in seconds. She opened the cupboard, retrieving an empty glass and turning around only to see Ryder at the other end of the kitchen. This made her squeal and almost slip on the blanket wrapped around her shoulders, as it was long and reached the floor next to her feet. She quickly regained balance by holding onto the kitchen counter.
“Jesus, you scared me,” she said, panting a little and holding her heart, feeling the quick pace against the palm of her hand.
“Not Jesus,” Ryder beamed, a quiet chuckle falling past his lips, “Just me. Ryder.”
Aurora rolled her eyes before walking over to the fridge, filling up her empty glass with ice and water, bringing the glass up to her lips and letting the cold liquid flow into her body to give her throat the relief it’s been needing ever since she woke up almost an hour ago. She sets down her glass on the counter when it’s empty except for the few cubes of ice that have yet to melt, jumping up to take a seat next to it.
“Why are you down here?” she asks, looking up at Ryder, who had been watching her every move up until now. He looks away, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, clearly a habit for when he was nervous.
“You weren’t in bed, so I got worried,” Ryder reasoned, looking down at the hardwood floors, suddenly interested in the different patterns of the planks his feet were planted on.
“Of course you would,” Aurora said, sighing a little as she could sense the tension floating in the air. They were both blatantly ignoring what happened earlier and it was obvious. Their relationship was yet to be figured out and acting like the huge fight just hours before was just a mere bump in the road wasn’t beneficial for any of them.
“I love you.”
Aurora’s head shot up and her jade green eyes bore into his chocolate brown ones. This was the first time either of them had said those three words in a sentence in that exact order. She wasn’t expecting him to say anything like it at a time like this but Ryder really was a boy of spontaneity. She couldn’t deny the feeling she got in her chest but she also couldn’t deny the fact that this same boy was the one who broke her heart in more ways than one.
“Really? Because I don’t know if you realized, but you cheated on me, and cheating isn’t exactly a way to show love to your girlfriend,” Aurora sneered, her jaw clenching a little as she wrapped the blanket around her shoulders tighter. Ryder shook his head, taking a long sigh before looking up at Aurora.
It happened too fast. One moment, they were looking into each other’s eyes and the next moment, his lips are on hers and his body in between her legs as he pushed his body up against the kitchen counter. Reluctantly, her lips moved against his after a few seconds of hesitation and confusion. Even after weeks of no contact, she remembered the way his lips felt and how he loved to bite down on her bottom lip gently. She remembered how he always put his hands on her hips and how hers would immediately fly to his brown locks, how his kisses were so gentle yet so needy at the same exact time. She remembered him and every single thing he loved to do.
Suddenly, she pushed him away, “Kissing me won’t solve the problem, Ryder!”
Frustration was burning in her body. Aurora could feel it pumping in her veins, to her heart, and to her brain where the jumble of words finally formed sentences. While Ryder was still recovering from the sudden resentment on her part, she took advantage of his position and let out what her brain formed for her.
“I’m not your puppet anymore. You can’t drag me around and tell me what to do. There are no more strings for you to pull on and definitely no show for you to direct. You can’t have actually expected me to just melt into your arms and forget about everything. Kissing me is the only thing you can think of doing because you’re feeling lonely. You don’t love me. You’re just alone and you can’t stand it.”
“No,” Ryder paused and tried to come up with something but nothing seemed to benefit him in this situation. He’d run out of words and all he had left were useless actions.
“Move on. You need me as much as I need you, and we both know you can live without me.”
A wave of relief washed over her as she finally spoke the words that have finally been unscrambled. Aurora didn’t realize she was crying until Ryder’s thumbs were wiping at the wetness below her eyes, temporarily erasing the tears that had escaped from her tired eyes.
“I’m sorry.”