Work Text:
The first time Lydia met Clarice, she was immediately enthralled by her boundless energy and beautiful blue eyes. She had been hired as the new Mrs. de Winter’s lady’s maid, and Lydia over the last month or so she had become fast friends with her, and had begun to feel even more for her, bonding over their shared curiosity and nervousness as to what the new mistress of Manderley would be like.
Neither of her fathers had told her anything, only that the woman’s name was Ileana and they had met while they were in Monte Carlo. It was not at all enough to go off of.
“Why are they being so secretive about it?” she wondered aloud as she draped herself across one of the armchairs in the library.
Clarice paused her dusting and turned towards Lydia. “Maybe she’s secretly a witch and they don’t want you to know,” she giggled, causing Lydia to giggle as well.
“If she’s a witch, maybe she’ll cast a spell to make this place feel less dead,” Lydia quipped.
Clarice covered her mouth to stifle even more laughter. Lydia wanted to tell her not to do that, for she so loved to hear the other girl’s bell-like laugh, but then Clarice cleared her throat. “Well, they arrive in a week, give or take a few days. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”
“I guess so,” Lydia shrugged her shoulders.
Clarice grinned, “Well whoever she is, she won’t hold a candle to you.”
Lydia could feel her heart start to race. Did she really just say that? She must’ve. It made the raven haired girl want to kiss her with every fiber of her being.
“Oh goodness, I’m so sorry. That was out of line,” Clarice’s apology cut through the blissful moment.
“Don’t you dare apologize,” Lydia replied firmly, though the wide smile on her face gave away the fact that she was not at all angry. “I’m flattered you think so, but I say she won’t hold a candle to you either.”
Clarice’s eyes lit up. “You really think so?” she asked. “I’m just her lady’s maid. If she’s anything like you say your mother was, she’ll far outshine me.”
Lydia shook her head. The last thing she wanted was for this Ileana to be anything like Rebecca. The thought of it terrified her, but no one needed to know that. “I don’t think so. You’ll be the most beautiful lady’s maid who ever lived, and who knows, maybe I’ll steal you right from under her.”
Emboldened by her own words, she closed the gap between herself and Clarice and kissed her cheek.
The other girl blushed scarlet. “Lydia…” she whispered, dropping the pretense of formality they had previously upheld. “Are you sure we should be doing this?”
“Not at all, but I don’t care,” Lydia said. Girls fell in love with other girls all the time, but she knew Clarice was talking about their difference in status.
Yes, it would be scandalous for an heiress and a maid to be a part of the same triad, but they would worry about that later.
“Well if you don’t care, neither do I,” Clarice replied, taking her turn to kiss Lydia’s cheek. Once she pulled away, she asked “Do you have anyone in mind for a third? Maybe another girl you’ve had your eye on?”
“No,” Lydia answered. “I only have eyes for you. But I’m sure we’ll find a third when the time is right.”
Maxim and Frank Crawley-de Winter had arrived with their new wife in tow in the morning, and almost as soon as Clarice was relieved of her duties to settle in her new mistress, she joined Lydia outside the study. They planned to break the news of their relationship to Lydia’s parents as soon as possible in order to prevent them from finding out some other way and being blindsided.
“There you are,” Lydia smiled and took Clarice’s hand, kissing the back of it as a gentleman would a lady. “Are you ready?”
“As I’ll ever be,” Clarice said.
With that, Lydia knocked on the door. She heard her father —that is, Maxim— call out “enter.” Having been given permission, she ushered Clarice into the study.
Lydia did not wait for her father to ask what they wanted, preferring to cut straight to the point. “Father, Clarice and I have something to tell you,” she said.
Maxim just chuckled, immediately catching sight of the two girls holding hands and the lovestruck look in Lydia’s eyes when they met Clarice’s. “The two of you are together, aren’t you?” he stated, his lips forming the slightest of smiles, indicating that he was not only in a good mood but that he took no issue with what had just been revealed to him.
“How did you know?” Lydia asked.
“You don’t have a problem with it, Mr. de Winter?” Clarice asked at the same time.
Maxim stood from his desk. “I know my daughter,” he said to Lydia. “And as for you,” he addressed Clarice “of course I don’t have a problem. I’m sure someone has told you by now that Lydia’s other father was Manderley’s steward before we married her mother.”
“I didn’t know that,” Clarice told him. “But I’m glad you feel that way, sir.”
Maxim nodded. “Of course, but if you don’t mind, I’d like a word with Lydia.”
Once Clarice left the room, Maxim asked Lydia to sit down. “I take it the two of you have yet to find your third,” he said.
“You would be right,” Lydia replied.
“Do you have any idea who you’re looking for?” Maxim asked.
“It’s a little early for that,” Lydia chuckled, “Clarice and I have only just gotten together. But since you asked, we were hoping to find another girl.”
Maxim’s face fell. “Ah, I see,” Lydia couldn’t tell if he was disappointed or if it was something else. She knew that triads where all parties were of the same sex were frowned upon, that marriage between them was not considered valid, but she had hoped that he would be alright with it.
She looked down at the floor, not wanting to meet his eyes. Maybe she should’ve told her other father about that part first, but it was too late for that.
“I would be very careful about that if I were you, Schätzchen,” Maxim said, causing Lydia to look up again. “I have nothing against it, and your other father won’t either, but society does not look kindly on that sort of thing.”
“I know,” Lydia said with a resigned sigh. “But what would you have me do? I don’t want a triad like yours.”
The faintest trace of sadness washed over Maxim’s face, but it disappeared in an instant. He had never been the type to be openly vulnerable, at least not to Lydia’s knowledge. “I know you don’t,” he told her. “We weren’t happy with your mother, and she wasn’t happy with us.”
“That’s an understatement,” Lydia chimed in.
“That it is,” Maxim agreed. “I would’ve felt sorry for her if it weren’t for how much she hurt you. I don’t want the same thing for you either. You’ve been through enough pain already.”
“Then what would you have me do?” Lydia repeated her question.
“Find a boy,” Maxim finally told her. “One who prefers the company of other boys. That way you and Clarice can be together and he might have his own lovers. It’s what your aunts Bea and Felicity and uncle Giles did.”
It wasn’t a terrible idea. Lydia would rather not go along with it at all, but if it meant she and Clarice could be together, she would do what was necessary. She told her father as much and left the study in search of Clarice. She had not gone far, and Lydia guessed she had just been waiting for her to come out.
“What did he say?” Clarice asked.
Lydia told her lover everything her father said. “If you’re alright with it, I don’t see any harm in it as long as we’re honest from the start. What do you think?”
Clarice’s lips turned upward. “I know just the person.”
Lydia was not admittedly very close to Robert. Not that they had never spoken before, they had known each other since he came to work at Manderley when they were still little children, but each time she had tried to strike up a friendship with him, he would keep things on the utmost formal terms. Sometimes, she’d catch a glint of longing in his eyes, as if he wanted to be friends, but it was always accompanied by a clear display of nerves so he never acted upon it.
He was, however, very close with Clarice, and Lydia learned that they had a relationship akin to a brother and sister, so when Clarice suggested that he be their third, she was all for it.
“Just think of it,” Clarice said, “He only loves me as a sister and is too nervous to talk to you. I’m sure if we explain everything to him, he’ll be alright with our arrangement.”
“I suppose there’s no harm in asking,” Lydia replied. “If he says no, we can always wait for the right person to come along. There’s no rush.”
Clarice gave Lydia a quick peck on the lips. “No rush indeed.”
Lydia sat Clarice and Robert down to tea with her a few days later. The boy had been a little confused why he was being given such special attention by one of his employers. It took a little convincing from her and Clarice that they’d take the blame if Frith gave him any trouble about it, but they were able to get him alone.
“So, what’s this all about? Clarice said it was important,” Robert chuckled awkwardly as they poured tea for themselves.
“I don’t suppose you’re already part of a triad?” Lydia asked.
Robert shook his head. “No, of course not. I have to admit, I’ve been…well, it doesn’t matter. I’m far too beneath the only person whose triad I’d want to be a part of.”
Lydia could tell he was saddened by this. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to invite him into their relationship. He would probably be miserable with his love for this other person going unrequited. She couldn’t subject him to that, so set to reassuring him instead. “I’m sure whoever they are won’t think so. Besides, Clarice is a maid and I’m decidedly not and we’re forming a triad. There’s nothing that says it’s impossible. Just tell whoever you love that you feel for them. The worst they can say is no.”
Robert looked down. “It’s a bit too late for that. They already have someone whom it would be a scandal to be seen with. Me coming in would just make it worse.”
Clarice patted Robert’s shoulder. “Robert, Robert, Robert,” she sighed dramatically. “If Mr. de Winter and Mr. Crawley of all people are accepting of Lydia and I, I’m sure people will learn to accept you and your beloved.”
“I don’t know,” Robert trailed off. “Maybe I’m better off finding someone else entirely.”
Lydia took this as the perfect segue into their proposition. “Well, what would you say if we asked you to be a part of our triad? You don’t even have to be romantically involved with us. You’d be free to pursue whoever you want.” She gave Clarice a knowing look.
Robert’s eyes lit up, all traces of nerves vanishing in an instant. Lydia smiled, glad that her and Clarice’s suggestion had proven helpful to him. “You would have me?” he asked.
“Of course we would,” Clarice said.
“Unless your sweetheart ends up feeling the same way as you do, or you find someone you’d rather be with,” Lydia added. “Take some time to think it over and come back to us once you know what you want to do.”
“Thank you both,” Robert replied, all smiles. “You’re really doing me a huge favor.”
“Don’t mention it,” Clarice clapped him on the back.
As the days and weeks passed, Lydia came to regret her proposition to Robert. She couldn’t help but feel that she was keeping him from finding his true happiness. And yet, whenever they saw each other, he came out of his shell of formality more and more. He seemed happy.
Almost too happy. It was a little unnerving, but Lydia was glad for him. Maybe it hadn’t been such a bad idea to ask him to be their third after all if all he needed was a little push.
Speak of the devil, as she walked out of the music room, she saw Robert walking in her general direction. “Mis-…I mean Lydia, I was just about to come find you,” he said, almost like an excited puppy.
“Were you now?” Lydia quirked her brow playfully.
Robert nodded and began fiddling with his hands. “I already told Clarice, but I wasn’t sure if she told you or not so I came to tell you I’d love to be a part of your triad.” He was blushing again, and had moved one of his hands to run it through his hair.
“Oh,” Lydia looked at him with surprise. Once more she was struck with the notion that he seemed too happy.
He would love to be a part of their triad. He was far too beneath the person he loved. Ever since he had been presented with the offer he had become less reserved around her, and yet he blushed and simpered around her more than ever. Still, his relationship with Clarice seemed to stay the exact same. They still bantered and teased each other. They still called each other brother and sister.
Why was it different with her then? Was he? No, he couldn’t be. But what if he was?
“Is everything alright? You look…troubled,” Robert asked.
Lydia sighed and looked the boy straight in the eyes. “Robert, are you…are you in love with me?” she asked pointedly.
“What?” Robert laughed. “Whatever gave you that idea? I mean….well…I…yes, I’m in love with you. I’ve loved you for a few years now. I was just too afraid to say anything.”
Oh no, Lydia thought. This was bad. This was horrible. She enjoyed Robert’s company, and he was by all accounts a perfect gentleman, but she just couldn’t see herself loving him back. She couldn’t lead him on. It would only make them both miserable.
Miserable like her parents had been. She could just see it now. In a few years the three of them would marry, knowing that one had unrequited feelings for another. Perhaps they’d have children, Manderley would need an heir after all, and they’d grow up witnessing the very kind of broken marriage Lydia had strived to avoid.
She would never become cruel or abusive, not like Rebecca had been to her and her fathers, but she still knew no good could come from it.
Now you know how it feels, Lydia could hear Rebecca laughing inside her head. You really are just like me, just like your fathers. Just as I hoped you’d be.
“Lydia?” Robert’s voice tore her away from her horrid thoughts. “Are you sure you’re alright?”
Lydia shook her head, trying to drown out the voice of her mother and hoping that she didn’t look as much of a mess as her visions of the future were. “I don’t think this is a good idea,” she blurted out. “I mean, the three of us shouldn’t be together.”
Robert’s mouth formed an o. “Why not? You and Clarice said-”
Lydia raised a hand up to silence him. “I know what we said,” she told him gently, “but I can’t in good conscience lead you on like that. I don’t feel the same way about you and you and Clarice have said yourselves that you’re more like a brother and sister than you are lovers. If we let this continue, if we eventually married, Clarice and I would carry on loving each other as before and you would be miserable just watching us and hoping I’d change my mind. It wouldn’t be fair to you.” Her voice had started to shake at some point, so she spoke faster in order to get the words out.
Robert took her hand and squeezed it. “Lydia, I don’t care. As long as I got to be with you, I could put up with it,” he insisted.
Lydia pulled her hand away. “No,” she said, “don’t lie to yourself. We both know that’s not true.”
“I swear, it’s…” Robert stammered, causing Lydia to turn away.
“Please,” she said. God, why wouldn’t he stop? She spun around to face him again, ignoring the tears in her eyes. She knew she was destroying him, but she just couldn’t stop. “Just let it go! I told you from the start this wasn’t supposed to be…I’ve given you an out, just fucking take it, for God’s sake!”
Her voice had rung throughout the hall, and yet no one came to check what the commotion was all about. There was just a deafening silence. Not even Rebecca’s voice was in her head. No laughter, no taunts, nothing. There was nothing apart from her heavy breaths and Robert’s dumbstruck and heartbroken face.
“Alright, if that’s what you want,” he whispered, walking away like a dog with its tail between its legs.
She’d broken him alright, just as she had been broken. Would he get over it? Potentially. Would she hate herself forever for this? Perhaps.
Clarice found her hiding in her room half an hour later. “Hey, how did it go with-…” Lydia looked up at her lover, her face red with tear stains. Clarice came to her side. “That bad, huh?”
Lydia nodded, throwing her arms around the other girl. “He said…he said he’s been in love with me all this time. How could I not have known?”
Clarice caressed her hair. “It’s my fault, darling. I thought it would be best for us all, but it seems I was wrong,” she sighed.
“He looked so…he looked like I broke him when I told him I couldn’t go through with it,” Lydia said softly, fresh tears starting to fall.
“I don’t want to sound like I don’t care how he feels, but he’ll live,” Clarice kissed her forehead. “As much as it hurts, he’ll find some other people who do love him.”
“I can only hope,” Lydia pulled away from Clarice and attempted a smile, though it didn’t make her feel much more at ease. She had been right to question the merit of this idea. She shouldn’t have brought it up to Clarice in the first place. Her father had meant well, but of course it had blown right up in her face, and now Robert was to suffer for it.
What had she done?