Chapter Text
Hearthian:
"Eeeeeeepic Rap Battles of Hiiiistory!
Solanum...versus...Kaepora!
BEGIN!"
Solanum:
"My quantum theory limerick is too hot for you to handle,
So take a seat there, little owlk, your brain just might get scrambled!
My rhymes are gonna hit so fast, you're gonna see them blue shift,
I'm commin' at you like the dark side of the quantum moon, bitch!
“This quantum Nomai-nomaly is more than you can take!
Six for the price of one, boy, so best make no mistake!
I’m a planet-hoppin' diva! There's no tellin' where I'll go!
So go on hootin' somewhere else and leave this to a pro!
“My people roamed the galaxies, exploring all the sights,
But when you saw the unknown, you were all like deer in headlights!
So thanks for turning off the signal blocker like they planned it,
But next time, could you maybe try to not get caught red handed?”
Kaepora (aside) :
"Harsh...but fair."
Solanum (aside):
"I am really quite thankful, actually!"
Kaepora (aside):
"You won't be after this next beat."
Solanum (aside):
"Oh?"
Kaepora:
(In the tune of Elegy for the Rings)
"Now sit right down there young one, you best know when you've been served.
My kin saw all there was to see, far more than we deserved.
Now here I stand, all by myself, forsaken by my kind,
So I've had all the time I need to blow your ***ing mind!
"We left our home a barren husk, a lifeless ball in space,
So what makes you think I won't do the same thing to your face?!
My people are more ruthless than your puny mind could take,
But I won't even bother, cause it's clear that you're a fake!
"You talk a big game missy, but we both can do the math,
It only took one comet to reduce you all to ash!
You'd never even know about the Eye if not for me,
So best respect your elders, girl, or else you better flee!"
Solanum (aside) :
"Ouch! 'To ash?!' Really?"
Kaepora (aside):
"Oh, my apologies. The rhyme was just too good not to use."
Solanum (aside):
"It did not even rhyme all that well!"
Kaepora (aside):
"Everyone's a critic..."
Solanum (aside):
"Well then..."
Solanum:
"That's awful rich from someone who got locked inside a vault!
So tell the truth now, birdy, this whole mess is kinda your fault!
We never would'a been there if you all had stuck around,
But your kind must love The Matrix, cause they all just went to coma town!"
Solanum (aside):
"-Oh...oh, stars! That was far too over the line of me! I do apologize, Kaepora! I did not even know I had that in me! I..."
Kaepora (aside):
"Oh, think nothing of it, friend! I have been around for quite some time. Any words flung in musical jest barely even approaches what my own kin have slung at me ages ago!"
Solanum (aside):
"Oh, well...um...thank you. Shall I continue?"
Kaepora (aside):
"Lay it on me, 'Queen-o-Sol.'"
Solanum (aside):
"Ahem..."
Solanum:
"So before you throw some shade at me, I think you should regard,
All the ignorance your Stranger's shadow cast upon the stars!
I'm sorry to inform ya, pal, it just wasn't enough,
You should finish what ya started, but I guess it was too tough!
"So don't be comin' at me with your ego and your hate,
Cause I doubt that even you could grin and bear my quantum fate!
And lest you be forgettin', since I know you're gettin' old,
But no comet in the galaxy can keep this Nomai cold!"
Kaepora (aside):
"Haha! Well struck indeed! But now it is my turn to bring things to an end."
Solanum (aside):
"Bring it on, 'Kae-dawg!'"
Kaepora:
"I never once considered that my actions would entail,
Some hyperactive youngster, with this fur and fluffy tail,
Who never could appreciate the sacrifice I made!
So don't expect to see me when you reach the Ancient Glade!"
Solanum (aside):
"The what?"
Kaepora:
"I never asked for gratitude, I never asked for hope,
But I'd prefer imprisonment than being asked to cope,
With trusting all I've learned to one so wet behind the ears!
Try living in a sim these last three hundred thousand years!
"You think your grasp of time has wavered? Wait until you see,
When everything you've worked for has been struck from history!
For I was made a martyr, yet forbidden still to die.
So tell me, which of us is truly worthy of the Eye?"
Hearthian:
"Who won? Who's next! You decide!
Eeeeeeepic Rap Battles of Hiiiistory!"
Solanum (aside):
"I really do appreciate all you have done for us! Truly!"
Kaepora (aside):
"'Twas never in doubt. My aim was only to prove my lyrical prowess. You fought well, Solanum, but I believe this is the part where I drop my microphone."
Solanum (aside):
"I am ready for a rematch anytime you should like!"
Kaepora (aside):
"Perhaps later. This 'old man' needs his rest, after all."
Solanum (aside):
"Hilarious. But wait...what were you saying before about an Ancient Glade?"
Kaepora (aside):
"You'll find out soon enough..."
Solanum (aside - sarcastically):
"How cryptic..."
Hearthian (aside - taking apart the studio equipment):
"I've got some questions for Gabbro after this..."