Work Text:
The room was illuminated by the dim light of a lamp in one corner. On the table rested some papers and a half-finished cup of tea, as if Banri had been in the middle of something before Yuki's arrival.
The walls were sober, with just a few photographs and a clock that ticked off the seconds with a slight steady tick. The house was tidy thankfully, but he didn't anticipate visitors today.
Yuki insisted on going, and though Banri didn't seem thrilled with the idea, he didn't refuse.
(He was tempted to slam the door on that pretty face.)
"Ban, can we talk?" Yuki hoped they could be alone. Certainly, the last occasion was not enough for him: he went blank and what he had to say died in his throat at Banri's sudden appearance that day. He wasn't prepared, much less with everyone else as his witness.
It's been a while since that and Yuki hasn't quite reconciled his thoughts on the matter.
"About what?" the other man blinked quizzically, being the only one who thought they had amend their differences.
"..." it pains him to see how distant Banri is with him, as if what they once shared had been a dream that only Yuki remembers."About us. But I need to discuss it with you. Not just have you listen to me."
"Yuki..." Ban frowned, worried. It was a bad idea."We're talking, aren't we?"
He hid behind a well-crafted mask.
"Then why does it feel like you're not telling me anything?"
"Because it's not what you'd like to hear from me. That's your problem, am I wrong?"
Yuki reached for Banri's hand and covered it with his own, seeking a closeness that words could not give him right now. The older man startled, the contact had shaken him more than expected.
The silence between them became dense, uncomfortable and... necessary.
Banri exhaled wearily, suddenly feeling the weight of his own attitude more than he should. Perhaps he regretted reacting so defensively.
They had plenty of time now.
"It won't change anything at all... so, why?" that was his last attempt to make him reason.
"Since when did you start feeling like you had to deal with everything by yourself?"
Banri felt a small ache settle in his chest. One of those that slowly seeped in until it became unbearable. Yuki was right. It wasn't just for him. He always had the need to do it. Ever since he was a child, he'd learned to bottle up his problems so his parents wouldn't have to worry. But if he admitted it, what would be left of that armor he had built up these years?
"Pff... it's weird to hear you talk like that." He smiled to himself, unable to help noticing it."You've changed."
"Hey... Why is it so hard to let someone be there for you? You might think that it's too late... well, it's not!"
Banri averted his gaze, his tongue pressing against the inside of his cheek as he wanted to swallow his words before they escaped. But it won't be easy, Yuki wouldn't let him shut down and he's cornered.
"If staying meant selling you out, I would have left a thousand times over. You know that."
Yuki pressed his lips together. His mind was asking him to answer fast, but his emotions were tangled. He took a sharp breath before whispering, "I wasn't going to accept the deal out of guilt alone... I didn't understand at first. I admit you were right, Ban. I can never hold that against you. But I thought that if I could do that for you... something for you, even if it was just once, maybe I could show you it was not over... and we could continue our journey together."
The weight of his confession left him breathless. For the first time, he was completely vulnerable—no masks, no filters. It was an impulse, a deep need to be seen in a sincere way. Meanwhile, Banri remained silent— not knowing what to respond yet.
"Foolish, right?" He added.
The idol sat closer to him on the couch; shoulders pressed together, their legs almost brushing.
The awkwardness of the silence was no longer so dreadful, though there were still cracks between them.
"I just... I just wanted to be with you. As hard as it is, this is my choice."
Yuki stared at him, searching for something in his eyes, and Banri could feel it lurking in his soul; Yuki had that magnetic pull that always got him to cross any boundaries.
After all, it wasn't the same to believe he'd overcome it as it was to stay away from him for its own sake.
Banri swallowed, his throat dry. His instincts told him he should hide, that this was dangerous.
Yuki choose him.
Not because he was bound to him by the past or there was an invisible debt to settle.
Somehow, it felt liberating.
He closed his eyes for a moment, as if by doing so he could dispel the dizziness he felt. But it didn't work. The other man was still there, staring at him with that intensity that made his self-control wobble and his heart beat wildly. The space between them narrowed. There was no hesitation. Just the gentle pressure of lips meeting his in a kiss that took him by surprise, but which he had always expected.
As the seconds passed by, Yuki's hand went up to the opposite cheek, touching him gently, and the kiss took on more depth. Banri felt a shudder run down his back and he blindly reciprocated: he won't deny him(self) anymore.
It didn't matter how much had changed, how much they had missed each other over the years. What they were sharing now was not a merely expression of desire, but the meeting of two versions of themselves: the young men who once dreamed of this moment and the adult who finally dared to live it.
Yuki was the one who broke the kiss first. Their foreheads rested against each other, their breaths hitching in that shared space.
"Yuki... Don't you resent me even a little? I abandoned you when you needed me most."
"I did. It was a weird mix of resentment and hurt. But... "he paused to stop the tears that threatened to overflow in time."I longed to find you, to have you with me again."
Banri felt a pang of guilt mixed with some regret.
"I always wanted to come back."
"It's okay, Ban... I know now" he offered as a consolation to both of them. They know love persevered."I needed to change. Improve as a person. And who knows? Maybe I deserved it."
Banri remembers that young, indifferent, surly Yuki he met back then and can't believe the man in front is the same. This Yukito Orikasa is doing things to him... he's three times as attractive. How can that be possible?
"Don't say that..."
That same Yuki now sought to make space for himself in his arms, pulling him along the couch so that they lay hugging; he sank his face into the juncture between his shoulder and neck, inhaling Banri's scent, snuggling into it.
"I'm happy," he said in a murmur.
"Of course you're happy, you bastard. You got me a headache."
"I won't be a selfish idiot anymore... I want to take care of you too... this time" he trailed off the words, sounding less and less clear until Banri felt the quiet rhythm of his breathing: Yuki had fallen asleep on him.
And he let it be.