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Five years ago, Joshua stopped dreaming. His heart had been broken into a thousand tiny pieces in the aftermath of Hamel, and what the Magician put back together in its place did not dare dream. If it allowed him to dream, he may lose Karin again. His heart would not be able to take breaking again, not a second time.
Shortly after Joshua Bright made the decision to join the family of Cassius and Estelle, he had his first dream. In his dream, he saw a faceless man, garbed in robes of the church. The man beckoned to him, and as if Joshua were a marionette he walked towards the faceless man. Joshua and the faceless man exchanged words that Joshua could not remember no matter how hard he tried, then the faceless man thrust a dagger into his hands.
Joshua took the dagger and walked slowly, unfeelingly, towards the room of Cassius Bright. He walked up to the bed, and as Cassius slept, he plunged the dagger into his chest. Warm blood pooled quickly into the sheets and stuck to his clothes, staining them sickly in its deep red color
Without hesitation, Joshua drew the bloody dagger out from his chest, and began walking upstairs. He opened Estelle's door and stood over her body as she lay asleep. Joshua raised the dagger in his hand slowly and he plunged the dagger into her chest as well. Joshua watched the life drain from her eyes, smelled as the sickly scent of blood filled her room as well.
Then he woke up. Joshua was drenched in sweat and his heart was pounding. He struggled to breathe. Not knowing what else to do, Joshua took the harmonica Karin once gave him, quietly left the house, and once he had gotten sufficiently far to not wake anyone, he played the harmonica. Joshua played the whereabouts of light for hours, the way he did after losing Karin. It was the only thing that could keep him from completely falling apart.
This became a recurring dream over the next five years. Until taking the Junior Bracer exam with Estelle he was haunted by this nightmare on a regular basis. Every night that he had the dream, Joshua hardly slept and could only calm himself by playing The Whereabouts of Light until the early hours of the morning. It was some time after leaving Rolent with Estelle that he realized he hadn't had the dream since before they became bracers. He wasn't sure what it meant that the dreams only stopped now, but Joshua was relieved to finally be able to go to sleep without fearing its recurrence.
.....
… "I never intended for you to be an assassin, but rather, a spy."
The words sent chills down Joshua's spine as Weissmann continued his explanation. Weissmann told him of how the society knew that Cassius Bright would take him in, how he had been left with the Brights on purpose to serve as an informant.
Joshua grew pale as the memories returned to him. Every time Weissmann visited to wrest information from him, he realized, that was when he had the dream. Every night that Weissmann had visited him, he really had plunged a dagger into the hearts of both Estelle and Father by feeding the society information about them both. He stupidly thought that the society had left him behind, but he put his family into more danger than they could possibly know by staying with them.
What a fool he was to think a broken person like him could have ever deserved family like them. He would leave tonight, Joshua Astray resolved, before he could hurt the people he loved any more than he already had.