Work Text:
Naruto stood before some people which was once Team Hebi or Team Taka, hands on his hips, grinning like he was about to drop the greatest performance of his life. "You guys are way too serious. Time to lighten up a little!" he announced suddenly.
Before anyone could ask what the hell he meant, he clapped his hands together in a seal. A puff of smoke exploded around him. When it cleared, there stood a stunning, curvy, barely-clothed woman. Her long, silky blonde hair cascaded down her back, lips plump in a playful pout, and just the right amount of jiggle in all the right places.
"Ta-daaaa! Sexy Jutsu!"
Suigetsu choked on his own spit, eyes going wide as he gawked. "H-Holy—" He immediately turned red, trying to look away but failing miserably.
Jugo, meanwhile, froze like a deer in headlights. His face turned an alarming shade of pink, and he subtly tried to hide behind Suigetsu, refusing to meet Naruto’s eyes or rather, her eyes.
Sasuke, standing at the center of the group, didn’t even flinch. His expression remained completely neutral, arms crossed, eyes half-lidded with the sheer lack of interest.
Naruto pouted. "Tch, tough crowd."
Then, in another puff of smoke, he returned to his regular self. Messy blonde hair, tan skin, and that same confident grin. Without hesitation, he struck the exact same sultry pose. Legs crossed. Hip popped out. A sly smile curving his lips.
Sasuke’s eyes immediately took in the sight, looking amused. A small, almost imperceptible smirk appeared on his face, and there it was, a tiny, barely-there hum of approval. The faintest blush dusted his cheeks.
Suigetsu’s mouth dropped open.
"Wait—" He looked between Naruto and Sasuke. Then back at Naruto. Then back at Sasuke. The gears in his head turned, clicking into place.
His eyes widened.
"WAIT!"
Jugo, still blushing, just sighed.
Suigetsu pointed at Sasuke with a scandalized look. "You like boys."
Sasuke’s smirk deepened slightly, but he said nothing. Naruto blinked, then slowly turned toward him. “…Well, damn. Should I be flattered?”
Sasuke simply walked past him, not answering. But the way his smirk lingered said plenty.
Suigetsu, still processing, groaned. "Oh, this is gonna be fun."
Karin had been watching this whole ridiculous scene with her arms crossed, growing increasingly irritated. At first, she had rolled her eyes when Naruto pulled his little transformation stunt. Typical dumbass move. But then, Sasuke’s reaction… or rather, his lack of reaction… caught her attention.
When Naruto was in his Sexy Jutsu form? Nothing. Not even a twitch of interest. But the second he turned back into his regular, male self and did the same pose? That tiny smirk. That subtle hum. That blush.
Suigetsu had already shouted what she was thinking. "You like boys."
Karin’s mouth slowly fell open. "Oh my god," she whispered, eyes widening behind her glasses.
It all made sense now.
Sasuke ignoring her flirtations. The way he never reacted to her, no matter how much she tried to look cute, or sexy, or bat her lashes at him. The cold shoulder. The blank stares.
She thought he was just emotionally constipated. But no. This whole time…
"…I never stood a chance," she muttered in disbelief.
Suigetsu burst into laughter. "HA! Finally! Took you long enough!"
Karin scowled and smacked him upside the head. "Shut the hell up, fish boy!"
Meanwhile, Naruto just scratched the back of his head. "Well, uh… glad I could help clear that up?"
Jugo, still pink-faced, sighed again.
Karin was still standing there, staring into the void as the truth settled in. "I never stood a chance…"
Naruto, hands on his hips, tilted his head at her. "Yeah, no offense, but you never had a chance." Karin snapped out of it so fast she nearly gave herself whiplash. "EXCUSE ME?!"
Naruto just shrugged. "I mean, come on. The dude barely looks at anyone, but the moment I strike a pose, suddenly he's all smirking and humming like I just made his day." He pointed a thumb at himself, grinning. "It's me, baby."
Suigetsu wheezed. "Oh my god, he's right!"
Jugo stayed silent, but the way his eyes shifted between Sasuke and Naruto told everyone he was definitely thinking about it.
Karin looked between them, then at Sasuke, who was still acting like none of this concerned him. But that smirk was still there. Her eye twitched. "Unbelievable." She groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Years. I wasted years throwing myself at him when all it took was one idiot in orange spandex striking a pose—"
Naruto cut her off with a finger gun. "Not just any idiot. This idiot." He winked.
Karin let out a strangled scream.
Sasuke, having had enough of this circus, let out a quiet sigh. Without warning, he reached out, grabbed Naruto’s wrist, and started walking away. "Come on, dobe. We have to go."
Naruto blinked. "Huh? Wait—why are you—?" But Sasuke didn’t slow down. As he was being dragged off, Naruto turned back toward the rest of Team Hebi with the biggest, most smug grin imaginable. He wiggled his fingers in a playful wave. "Later, losers! I’m going with my boyfriend now!"
Suigetsu choked. Jugo just sighed (again). And Karin? "WHAT?!"
Sasuke didn't deny it nor did he even look back.
Karin stood there, fists clenched, her eye twitching violently. "I hate everything."
Suigetsu, still wheezing, clapped a hand on her shoulder. "There, there."
As Sasuke dragged Naruto through the trees, the blonde finally planted his feet and yanked his wrist free. "Oi, bastard, where the hell are we even going?"
Sasuke turned to him, expression unreadable but with that same damn smirk still playing at the corner of his lips. "Away from them."
Naruto snorted. "Why? Embarrassed?"
Sasuke gave him a side glance. "Should I be?"
Naruto opened his mouth, paused, then narrowed his eyes. "You enjoyed that, didn't you?"
Sasuke didn't answer.
Naruto’s jaw dropped. "Oh my god, you totally did."
Sasuke kept walking. "Tch, don’t flatter yourself."
Naruto jogged after him, grin wide. "Nah, nah, you totally liked it!" He struck the pose again mid-step, dramatically running a hand through his hair. "This was what did it for you, huh?"
Sasuke exhaled through his nose. Then, in the most unexpected move yet, he reached out and casually flicked Naruto’s forehead.
Naruto yelped and staggered back. "Ow?! What the hell, bastard?!"
Sasuke kept walking. "You were being annoying."
Naruto rubbed his forehead, pouting. "Ohhh, so now I’m annoying. But back there, when I was all sexy and posing—"
"Shut up, dobe."
Naruto smirked. "Make me."
Sasuke stopped, turning his head slightly. For one split second, the look in his eyes made Naruto’s stomach do a weird little flip.
…Okay, maybe he shouldn’t have said that.
Sasuke took a slow step forward, and Naruto definitely took a step back. "Whoa, whoa, hold on, bastard, I was just—"
Sasuke reached out. Naruto braced himself for the kiss. But nothing happened. Confused, he stared at him. And then Sasuke simply grabbed his wrist again and kept walking.
Naruto let out a breath. "Tch. You suck, y'know that?"
Sasuke hummed. "Yet here you are."
Naruto groaned dramatically. "Yeah, yeah, I’m coming, boyfriend."
Sasuke didn’t argue.
As they walked, Naruto couldn't help but smirk. "Hey, bastard, I got a question."
Sasuke didn’t look at him. "Don’t."
Naruto ignored him. "So, you really didn’t like my Sexy Jutsu form at all? Not even a little bit?"
Sasuke visibly cringed. His entire body tensed like he had just been force-fed something disgusting.
Naruto grinned. "Hah! You hated it, didn’t you?"
Sasuke exhaled sharply, looking the other way. "It was unnecessary."
"Unnecessary," Naruto repeated, snickering. "So what, you like me better this way?" He gestured to himself. His usual, messy-haired, loud-mouthed self.
Sasuke was silent for a moment. Then, without looking at him, he muttered, "Obviously."
Naruto blinked.
Sasuke kept walking, like he hadn’t just casually dropped that little confession.
Naruto stared, then a slow smirk curled on his lips. He jogged up to Sasuke’s side and nudged him with his elbow. "Aw, so you do like me, huh?"
Sasuke finally looked at him. His expression blank, voice deadpan. "I’m leaving you behind."
Naruto cackled. "No, you’re not."
Sasuke sighed. He really wasn’t.
The End.