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I looked at my form through the mirror. One arm completely intact. I can move it without problem.
Looking at what was once my other arm, I felt tears emerging in my eyes.
---
I lost my whole second arm in a incident while helping Din at this newest bounty.
There was an explosion... I couldn't remember anything about the consequences except what Din told me. The way he did... he sounded devastated but still relieved.
When I was unconscious my arm was pierced from a metal plank caused by the explosion as it seemed. There was no hope I would ever use that arm again.
The difficult solution was to have an robotic arm implemented in place but when I came to I refused to have it. I didn't want Din to suffer any high costs just because I wasn't careful enough.
This is my own fault. I wrecked my own arm.
And thus I chose the easy way out. My arm was amputated.
I looked at Din with saddened eyes while I couldn't make out his emotion due to the helmet. I could imagine he was either questioning my decision or silently agreeing with me.
But now this is what I am. A one-armed companion of a bounty hunter. My life will never be the same again. I am useless.
I can't fight one-armed. How would that work? I'm not as strong as Din thinks I am. According to him I am underestimating myself but am I really?
---
When we got back after the visit to the med-center, Din didn't hesitate to rip his helmet off and kneeling infront of me, breaking down in tears. He wasn't alone.
"I could have lost you. I am so glad you're still here..."
I said nothing to this and hugged him, crying on my own.
I am no good to Din anymore. Why am I still here? I should leave...
---
My tears fell steadily as I gathered my thoughts.
Without expecting it I felt arms wrap around my waist and an unhelmeted head on my shoulder. I looked at the mirror and saw Din looking at me in concern.
"It doesn't matter if you're one-armed now. I still love you. You're a survivor. You survived what could have turned fatally by sheer luck. I can't despise you for being disabled, cyar'ika."
"I do want to believe that, Din. But within few hours while I was unconscious during the hunt my whole life took a turn towards the negative. Nothing will ever be the same from here. And worst of all... this is my fault."
"I shouldn't have brought you along. It is my fault. I should have kept you safe on the Crest. Instead I caused you to lose your arm."
"The blame is not yours to take, Din..."
"Please, allow me to share your burden then. We can both pay the price for what happened. I could have saved you... instead I was knocked out by the blast. Dank farrik... I should have seen it coming. High bounties mean a lot of trouble..."
"And what if you had? You may have lost a limb instead of me."
"Sometimes... there must be sacrifices. I told you. I'd put my life on the line for you."
"Hell no. I won't let you die just because of me"
He chuckled at that.
"You're too kind. You say nothing will ever be the same? Then how are you comforting my own worries just now instead of yours? You were always so protective of me like I am towards you"
I widened my eyes at that callout. It's true. I distracted myself from the pain by comforting Din instead of myself. But now it all comes rushing back to me.
"I wish it could have turned out different. Why did it have to happen like this?"
"Cyar'ika..."
His grip tightened and his face went sad before I saw his eyes go watery.
"Seeing you like this... unconscious... unresponsive... with that metal plank sliced through your arm. I was so scared for you. I almost cried on the spot. It looked so horrible, cyar'ika..."
My tears fell like crazy.
"Din... I am so sorry you had to... see me like this. I know how much... you hate it"
"I was scared but when you woke up, I was so grateful to the stars for letting me keep you. I was so scared. If I had lost you I would have lost my heart as well..."
"Din..."
"Forgive me. I don't mean to put any pressure on you. But I want you to know how glad I am that you haven't left me. Truly. I still want you by my side... even if your arm is no longer. I don't need two arms from you."
"I will never be able to support you again"
"Hey, that's not true. You help plenty enough around here. Losing an arm doesn't change that at all. You're broken... but you can heal. I can help you with that. That's what partners do for each other"
"You're too kind..."
He leaned further and started to sigh before forming a little smile.
"Once I raise enough credits... we'll get you that robotic arm..."
I looked towards Din in shock.
"But Din, we-"
"I want to do this. You will keep hurting because of this and I want to bring back the light inside you. I'll get you that replacement, Y/N. Count on it."
"You would... really do this? For me...?"
"You have done so much for me. I always love coming back to you when you are awaiting me. Thanks to you I have strength wherever I go. Because I know who I must protect, ner karta(my heart). You know how to stand your ground. I respect you for that. And besides that... you are the only one who ever saw me as a real person through my helmet when we first met. Most of the time people would despise me for looking like a cold-blooded killer but you took the challenge to engage in my darkness and I love you for brightening it up with the light you carry inside you. I want that light back."
"You don't have... to do this, Din."
"I know... but cyar'ika I want to make you happy again. I know you disagreed on that arm before but I'm choosing to make it happen. I'll handle it. Soon, you will be better. Count on it. We can thank the stars for allowing such a possibility"
I sniffled, when he said that and hugged him with one arm.
"Thank you, Din..."
"Anytime, cyar'ika. I'm here for you... and I will be for a long time."
Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum - I'll hold you in my heart eternally