Chapter Text
The last few days have been hell, frankly, Henry wanted to vomit. And it all started with that stupid fucking letter, they were just supposed to try and ally with von Bergow. And now? Fully entrenched in the war with no way to turn back. God forsake that plan.
He wanted to go back now, even have a sliver of peace, and bath house wenches were not enough. Not when it was nowhere close to being what he truly desired. No. Henry wasn't going around, tearing the countryside apart trying to keep Hans safe just because it was his duty. Never.
It was stupid of him, frankly, to let his heart lead in this matter. He knew he was a peasant at the worst, the bastard of a noble at best — unclaimed and barely remembered — and Hans was a noble, that wasn't how these things were supposed to work. The whole falling in love with his best friend wasn't entirely a surprise to him, the Lord would forgive him, that was certain, and if not, he'd paid the goddamn tithe like the filthy sinner he was. He'd already committed sins that made him want to puke out his guts.
That didn't matter right now. He was outside, fucking around in all honesty. It was the middle of the day and he had barely anything better to do, his sword sharpened and polished, his armour fixed up and buffed. At this very moment, he was walking around, trying to gather herbs to make some more marigold decoction before his next battle. The next thing he had to expect was that damned meeting with von Bergow, he still didn't understand why they'd even want to parlay with the man who could have let Lord Capon hang if he had wished. But there was no arguing. And in-between his waiting, he could at least try and get ready for the next battle that was sure to come.
It was early afternoon, the sun shining high in the sky, and his heavy armour managed to scare off any animals that tried to make their peace in this little slice of heaven. The breeze was soft and the forest around was peaceful. He'd almost wished he'd brought Capon with him now… fuck, even now he was stuck thinking about that noble prick. Henry had tried to convince himself it would be better to forget his feelings, if not for his own sanity, then for Hans' reputation and safety. He didn't even know if the other felt the same yet, doubted it even more.
Shaking his head, the young man took a look around, there were no herbs like he wanted, no nettle, no marigolds, not even a belladonna in sight. A waste of a trip… but there were forget-me-nots. The tiny little things, he'd recalled an old story he was told by his mother when he was still just a wee lad. That at the dawn of creation, the flowers, small and insignificant, cried out to God and begged him to remember them, and the Lord obliged, giving the flower its rare blue hue so it could be remembered for eternity. Despite its size.
And for some reason, that same thrumming in his heart that he got whenever he saw Hans came to him again. The flowers held a strong meaning… do not forget, remember… remember the bond he shared with Hans and all it meant to him. Remember the time they'd spent together during their misadventures and stupid decisions. Paired with the clearing, it truly was a slice of heaven. The war felt so far away now, like nothing could touch him here, for once he didn't hear the screams of Skalitz in his ear, or the newly added wails of Maleshov either. It was peaceful, quiet. A moment of respite he hadn't gotten in a while.
But he couldn't stay here. Though his heart ached to think he had to leave, Henry still had a duty to get back to, he had to help out any way he could and time was ticking by no matter how much he wished he had time to afford. Shaking his head, breaking the illusion of the peaceful moment, he turned his back to the glade. Pausing for a moment, he looked down to a budding of forget-me-nots next to his feet. The very same ache in his heart came back and he knew he couldn't just leave it at that.
Leaning down, he plucked the flower from the ground. Henry had planned to leave it at that, but found himself quickly gathering more — trying to only gather those from amongst the trees and not the clearing; he still had plans for the glade. And soon enough, he had a whole bouquet of forget-me-nots. This was absolutely stupid of him, acting like a girl gathering all these flowers, and for what? A gift that Hans was surely not going to accept, he wasn't a maiden in need of bedding after all.
The return to Suchdol embarrassed him even more, he swore he could hear every young woman snickering at him as he passed through the village towards the castle. Even some men teasing him about visiting some lucky girl and how she'd be lucky to bed him. And what would he say when he actually got into the castle? Every other second he wanted to throw the bouquet onto the ground and stomp on it.
Stupid of him to even think of gifting flowers to Hans. Made him feel like a love sick idiot trying to woo some damsel. He's been to war damn it, seen blood and guts and torched villages. He could barely ever stop thinking of the screams of the poor men and women who got butchered because of his own stupid incompetence. He should have stepped up at Maleshov and that's a mistake he'll take to the fucking grave with shame.
What was he doing again? Fuck, he's standing in the middle of the Suchdol castle courtyard staring at the stupid flowers like they killed his parents. He was pathetic getting sucked up in his brain like that. Move on already! Barely half a knight and he's freezing up like he'd collapse from giving these flowers to his intended recipient. God, why won't you give him a moment of peace instead of making him piss his pants thinking of giving flowers to another man.
Henry sighed, deeply sighed, shaking his head in annoyance at his own actions and started walking. One leg in front of the other, Skalitz. He thrust his hand down to the side, trying to divert attention away from the flowers, both for himself and passers-by. Nearly threw the poor things on the ground. Wished he did in all honesty. And then the priest noticed him, making him groan to himself quietly.
“Nice bouquet you have there, son. Have anyone in mind for that?” Godwin teased, a cocky little smile on his face. He knew the father loved to tease him whenever he got the chance, and now that he sniffed out the opportunity, of course he'd take it. Of course Henry avoided the other's gaze, shaking his head in irritation. More towards himself than the priest. “I bet it's for that nice Katherine, isn't it?” Of course he guessed it was fucking Katherine.
Everyone thought that Henry had a thing for Katherine. Just because she had a bust that she was unafraid to show off. Sure, Henry had taken a look here and there, but it was more an intrusive thought than genuine interest in her bust. He'd much rather place his head on Hans’ exaggerated bust. Fucking hell he cannot be thinking those things. “Hah, yeah, I thought I'd give her something nice, seeing how things have been going, remember to keep pushing through it all.” What the fuck are you saying Henry? What was that pathetic ass lie?
Now he had to give these flowers to Katherine, it would be suspect if he said it and never fulfilled his word. At least it would give him reason to avoid actually giving them to Hans like he'd apparently been dreading to the point of freezing in his thoughts in the middle of the god damned castle. “Aye, that girl seems to have been going through just as much as you have, boy, but if you do get her in your room, do tell me what she was like,” The old man said, chuckling as he patted Henry's shoulder.
He wasn't stupid enough to not recognize that Godwin had probably sniffed out the fact that something was wrong with him underneath his half assed attitude, the priest was always good at noticing and giving him those words of wisdom. But he didn't speak this time, and God was Henry glad for that. He couldn't take for another wise heart to heart with the man, not right now.
Sighing, taking a moment to be annoyed before shrugging off Godwin's hand, walking towards Katherine who'd been putting some laundry up to dry on the rope hung up in the courtyard. He felt awkward doing this, he didn't even like the idea, other than the fact that he'd avoid doing it with Hans. At least it left less problems for both him and the young lord, if he'd get caught trying to flirt with a noble as the peasant he was, it could entail some horrible consequences for the both of him. Some he didn't want to think of at this certain time of war.
Hearing his heavy footsteps, Katherine turned around to look at the man approaching her, and smiled her saccharine smile, the one Henry could tell was over exaggerated and overly sweet. He wasn't entirely sure why she did it, but frankly he found it off putting at times, something about it just wasn't right, but he wasn't about to point it out and make an argument out of it. Honestly, he was still trying to get out of the shit he dug himself into in the first place. “Why Henry! Are those wonderful flowers for me?” She said, her tone as exaggeratedly sweet as her smile, placing her hands over her chest like the sweet Virgin Mary. Sometimes Henry still wondered if she was really on Zizkas’ side or not.
“Ahem, aye, they're for you, I thought you'd need something nice after all this time,” Henry said, nodding in that stupid lazy way he usually did. “And to remember to keep pushing forward. Times are hard, but we're going to hit Sigismund and his men harder.” Something in the mention of pushing forward made Katherine's expression soften in shock. As if she wasn't expecting that, or they were words she desperately needed to hear.
“Thank you, love, now, I need to find a place to put these, and I'm sure you have a duty to fulfill, go on now!” She said, practically shooing him away, her attitude rearing its head and going back to a livelier way. Henry was rather shocked to say the least, but didn't refuse, it seemed like she'd need a moment anyway, and he needed to pick up his mind after all of that. Felt like throwing it at a wall in truth.
But before Henry could say much more to the other, she went ahead and walked away with the forget-me-nots in hand, walking up the stairs into the guard's loft. Leaving the almost-knight behind with a stupefied look on his face. He wanted to yell for some inexplicable reason, tell her to come back and give him those flowers back, they didn't belong to her! But he couldn't bring himself to.
Sighing, Henry began making his way in the completely opposite direction, towards his room. He could see Godwin giving him that knowing little smile out of the corner of his eye. Fuck he wanted to wipe that smirk off of his face. And why? Why was he so irritated right now? All over some flowers he was too cowardly to even imagine handing over to Hans? He felt like the most pathetic pile of shit at the moment.
Once up in his room, he closed his door behind him and slid his metal ass down the wooden planks, groaning in the very same annoyed tone he'd been using the whole time. He felt restless, like he needed to punch or fight something, just need to do something rather than nothing. He still had so much time before the meeting and the day was barely half way done by now.
Then the knock came, hand against wooden door. And he could recognize that knock from a mile away, even before hearing a voice. Lord Capon, his beloved lord Capon, the man he'd die for without the sliver of a doubt, and God did he know the other would hate him for it. “Henry, I know we still have plenty of time before the meeting, and I noticed you came back and seemed… restless, I thought we could go hunting together! I don't want you to do something stupid before the meeting tomorrow, explode on von Bergow without a chance to talk to him.” He heard Hans call out from the other side of the door, an air of humor behind his voice.
Head in his knees, Henry needed to gather his mind before answering. Going from wanting to chuck his sword at something to that fucking thrum in his heart. He always felt so calm with Hans, everything felt so calm and nice, just like it did in that clearing. God he wanted to take Hans to that clearing… maybe he could. Yes. Yes. Finally a great idea! A less suspect way to bring the forget-me-nots to Hans, or rather, bring Hans to the forget-me-nots. And from what he remembered, there were some elk in the area, at least he'd have a reason to bring the lord there without looking like a fumbling ass or without reason.
Getting up the floor, plate armour jingling like the noisiest pots and pans known to man, Henry answered his beloved lord. “Aye! That sounds like a great idea, at least we get to spend some time before the stupid meeting, clear our heads. I know just the spot where we could hunt in peace.” Henry answered, opening the door for Capon. Usually he'd refuse, the idea of poaching with Hans again, knowing they could try and hang him again made his blood run dry. Fuck, what was he even thinking? He could never say no to Hans.
“Well at least get changed Henry! That plate armour is loud enough for the deaf to hear! I don't want you scaring off the game now.” Hans joked, tapping the plated shoulder, giving a chuckle with Henry. Of which Henry relented, closing the door so he could change into a more appropriate outfit. At least there would be a better turnout to his original idea. At least now Henry didn't feel like he wanted to punch himself out in embarrassment.