Archive of Our Own

It was a freezing day. Or more precisely, it was a freezing night. Raindrops fell on the roof of the Bookshop in London. The year was somewhere between 1830 and 1838, no one really remembered.

An angel sat in his chair and read. The many candles which were the only light source crackled softly in the background. Everything seemed more than peaceful, but there was some weird, eerie feeling of worry which overcame Aziraphale from time to time. He couldn’t really name it, not to mention grasp where it actually came from.

The angel realized his eyes had read the last page, but his brain didn’t really compensate the words. With a small sight he was determined to start the page again but the first word he saw, stopped him. Love. He glanced away from the book, to one of the burning candles. The worry he had felt intensified. Of course, absolutely unrelated and without context, his thoughts wandered to a demon. Not just a demon, actually. One particular demon.

Aziraphale lowered the book. He hadn’t seen Crowley in such a long time. Again, the worry intensified. He hoped, against all reason that the demon was fine. The angel rubbed his eyes and decided that he would try to finish this chapter and then he would go upstairs to sleep. Not because he was particularly tired or he even needed sleep, but what else should he do? Sit here and worry?

With a sight he turned his eyes back at the page. Well, needless to say, even after 4 more tries he couldn’t get any further. But, the angel was stubborn and right as he started a 5 try a knock on the door snapped him out of the book.

Slowly, and more than irritated he looked at the door and frowned. Who would knock at this time? Aziraphale thought about opening the door and already stood up. But then he doubted his decision. Again there was a knocking sound. This time, more silent. Not as sure as the one before. Aziraphale made some steps towards the door. Something told him to open it. Something which he couldn’t quite grasp. But it felt like a inner voice screaming at him. Telling him to open the door. Slowly he put his hand out. Laid it on the handle and opened the door.

For the first few seconds he couldn’t comprehend what he was seeing. Or if he really was seeing it. He even doubted that he was awake. He could have fallen asleep while reading and now he dreamt this. Right in front of him stood Crowley. He pressed his hands against his arms and held his head lowered. Aziraphale almost didn’t recognize the demon.

“Crowley…” he whispered softly and blinked at his friend.

“Hey.” was the careful answer. Only now as the eyes of the angel adjusted to the darkness outside, he saw the blood in Crowley’s face.
“Oh.. My god.. What happened to you?” he asked softly, with the most honest worry Crowley had ever heard.
“Nothing. I’m.. I’m okay.” he shook his head and turned away from the angel.
“I shouldn’t have come here. It was a mistake. I’m sorry.” he made a step down the stairs, but Aziraphale was faster.

“Crowley, wait.” careful but still firm enough to make clear that he meant it, he reached for Crowley’s arm.
“What?” the demon stared at the angel, almost mad, but Aziraphale saw the short flickering hope in his eyes.
“You’re not going anywhere.” the angel said with a surprising sternly sounding voice.
“Come on.” he let go of the demon’s arm, even though he didn’t really want to.
“I… I can’t.” Crowley stammered.
“Oh you can my dear. Look I’m inviting you in. How about that? Please, come in Crowley.” Aziraphale was more than sure that, in another situation, Crowley would have protested, but he seemed to… Hurt. Or afraid. He wasn’t sure.

For some seconds Aziraphale even held out a hand to Crowley, but as he realized he wouldn’t take it, he acted as if that never happened.

As Crowley stepped over the doorframe he slowly began to say: “Look… Angel.. I’m really… Really sorry for just… Turning up here. And.. I… I don’t want you getting into any trouble for me… But I didn’t know where else to go.” Aziraphale felt how his heart twisted as he heard the last sentence.

“Don’t worry about it. Just sit down.” the angel quickly removed the book from the chair. Crowley watched as Aziraphale pointed at it. But instead of doing what the angel suggested and sitting down, he glanced back at the door.
“Look I… I really think it was a… Mistake to come here.”

As he made a step back to the door, Aziraphale cut off his way.
“It wasn’t a mistake. Stop this nonsense. I don’t want to hear anything about it anymore. Please sit down Crowley.” the demon swallowed any protest he obviously wanted to say, and instead finally did what the angel said.

Aziraphale didn’t miss the small flinches Crowley made when he moved, which were obvious signs for the pain the demon was in.

“What happened?” the angel asked softly as he pulled another chair to sit in front of Crowley.
“Nothing.” the demon answered and leaned back. Aziraphale observed him carefully, but Crowley turned his head away.
“Please. I can just help you if I know what happened.” of course the angel could imagine what had happened to his friend. But he wanted to be sure.
“I don’t want your help.” Crowley snapped. Aziraphale smiled softly. That was almost the demon he knew again.

“I think you want it, you’re just to scared to admit it.”
“Shut up.” he spit the words out. But Aziraphale didn’t seem to mind the rough tone.
Instead, he reached for the book and opened it. Crowley followed his movements carefully, slowly frowning.

“I will shut up. I won’t ask again. I won’t start talking again. I will just sit here and wait if there is something you want to tell me. Just so you know, I’ve got time. And I’m pretty patient.” he glanced back up at Crowley. And so he catched the demon starring at him.
“I actually want to help you Crowley. As soon as you are ready.” with those words he averted his gaze again and instead started to read.

Or at least he acted as if he read. He memorized the page he was at, because the next few minutes his eyes wandered over the words, not taking them in, not actually seeing them, and turning the page from time to time. At the corner of his eyes he saw how Crowley had turned his head away and how he starred into the flickering of a candle.

★

“Hell…” started the demon, right as Aziraphale began to doubt that he would say anything at all. The angel looked up at his friend and saw that he still stared into the candle.
“It was hell… They did it. They… They hurt me because… I…”
“Because you helped Elspeth?” Aziraphale said, to help Crowley. The demon never looked away from the flickering light. Even as he nodded now.

“Especially for this. But apparently it wasn’t the only reason.” for some seconds Aziraphale waited, but Crowley didn’t continue speaking.
“What did they do to you?” the angel asked carefully and laid the book down.
“Oh… You know… Just the usual.” Crowley shrugged his shoulders.

Aziraphale swallowed the shocked shiver which began to crawl under his skin.
The demon rubbed his hand over his face, but the blood had already dried out.
“I could help you… Please just let me help you.” Aziraphale scooted forward in the chair. For the first time Crowley’s eyes shifted from the flame to his opponent.

“I don’t want your help angel.” he paused, took a deep breath and then said: “I just didn’t know where else to go. I actually don’t want anything from you. Not your help or… I don’t know. Just… Just please stop being kind to me.” for once it was Aziraphale who raised an eyebrow at Crowley.
“So… Let me.. Let me understand this. You come here, to me, after hell seemingly tortured you, for how many years?” Crowley flinched and shivered at the word torture and Aziraphale immediately wished he could take it back.
“But you don’t want me to do anything? I can’t even be kind to you? I shouldn’t help you? Why? Please Crowley, tell me why?” the demon didn’t answer the glance of the angel.

“I can’t tell you.” he whispered instead.
“Yes, that’s what I thought.” Aziraphale smiled, almost sad.
“And as long as you can’t name a good reason I won’t stop. I will help you, if you want me to or if you don’t. It doesn’t matter.” Aziraphale got up and held out a hand. But before he could do anything Crowley snapped: “Don’t.” immediately the force the angel had missed in his words were back. But what he said next irritated him.

“If you want to help me. If you want to do anything. Fine do it. But, whatever you do.. Don’t miracle anything. I swear if you’ll use any of your miracles on me, I will leave. Immediately. And I won’t come back. Perhaps I will go back, straight to hell again. I will find reasons for them to hurt me even worse.”

Aziraphale took a step back. Surprised, yes almost shocked. But he decided not to say or ask anything. Crowley actually had done exactly what he wanted him to do. He had allowed him to help. With or without miracles, Aziraphale decided, humans could care for each other when they are hurt after all too. So the angel turned and stepped into a backroom of the bookstore. He could feel how Crowley’s eyes followed him. But it didn’t stop him from searching through the pitch black room. The only thing he hoped was that Crowley wouldn’t leave in the meantime. What he said, that he would go back to hell, really frightened him more than he could understand himself.

Obviously Crowley belonged to hell, he was a demon after all, at least that’s what Aziraphale tried to tell himself over and over again. But despite thousands of years in which heaven had tried to convince him of this thought, he had his doubts. Really silent doubts, of course. But one thing, he never doubted. One thing was more than clear in the angels mind: Crowley didn’t deserve to be treated like that. Nothing he ever could have done would justify such punishment. Or at least nothing the angel he once was could have done.

Crowley, Aziraphale thought as he stepped back into the candlelight room, had changed so much since he had last seen him. His red hair was longer than a few years ago, but it appeared weirdly neglected. His clothes seemed dirty and old. And especially the way he held his head. Aziraphale almost didn’t recognize him. Crowley had never seemed further away from the angel he once was. He was happy then. He had been when Aziraphale first met him.

Rage ran through Aziraphale, brighter and hotter than he had ever felt. Why did they do this to him? Why did they chance him so much? Not just now, but as a whole person. How? How could they hurt him like this? Slowly, careful and almost shy, Crowley lifted his head and looked at Aziraphale as he stood motionless. He watched the angel for some seconds, his gaze seemingly wandered to the fabric in Aziraphale’s hand. And without realizing it a small, guarded smile appeared on the demon’s face.

It was this moment the rage in Aziraphale freezed. It went from burning hot to chilling ice. Of course he was still mad, but there was a more important feeling now.

“It’s still you.” the angel whispered without realizing it. And it was the truth. Underneath everything, under the dark sunglasses, the black clothes, the, normally, trying to be evil attitude and at the moment under his own blood, he was still there. The angel Aziraphale had met him as. Despite everything and especially despite all rationality Aziraphale couldn’t deny that the fall and all the changes which came after that didn’t change anything about his feelings towards Crowley. Maybe it even made them stronger. Obviously he never dared to think it this clear. Not until now.

“What?” Crowley asked. Aziraphale was snapped back to the present.
“Nothing.” he said, hastily. Immediately he tried to shut away his thoughts. He tried to forget them. To deny that they ever existed. But they didn’t let him. It seemed as if they still lingered in the back of his head.

Slowly he pulled his chair closer to Crowley’s and sat down again.
“What’s your plan angel?” the demon narrowed his eyes under the sunglasses.
“I’m going to help you. As you technically allowed me to do.” Crowley wanted to protest but the more than sure stare which Aziraphale looked at him with suffocated the attempt immediately. The angel looked at the demon a few seconds longer and a little bit softer than he should have.

“Can… Can you take the sunglasses off?” he asked carefully and slowly glanced back at one of the candles. Instead of questioning his words or what they meant, Crowley just did what Aziraphale asked for. Which greatly surprised the angel. He was convinced that normally his friend would refuse to do it, or at least question why he should do it. But, as Crowley slowly looked back at the angel, without sunglasses, his snake eyes weary and with obvious bruises under them, Aziraphale realized. They must have punished him for asking or refusing. That’s why he wouldn’t do it now. He had learnt to avoid punishment like that, for years now. Without thinking about it, Aziraphale moved closer to Crowley and slowly reached out to the demon.

“Is it okay if I…?” Aziraphale looked at Crowley with a soft gaze. And he waited until his friend seemed to understand and nodded, almost helpless. Only then Aziraphale placed his hand gently on the face of his friend. He didn’t care that he shouldn’t do something like that, or that Crowley’s blood sticked to his hand now. The only thing he cared about was that Crowley knew he would help him.

That he wouldn’t hurt him more.

“Nothing will happen to you now.” Aziraphale whispered while his hand still laid on the demon’s face and he carefully brushed his thumb over it. Crowley glanced at his friend for some moments, then he closed his eyes. His face twitched from time to time.

“You have to tell me if you want me to stop, okay?”
“Don’t…” Crowley opened his eyes again.
“Don’t what..?” Aziraphale asked slowly and stopped the movement of his thumb.
“Don’t… Stop. I like it.”
“You do?” the question seemed more joyful than it actually should have. Crowley rolled his eyes. But only this, just this movement, made Aziraphale happier than you could ever imagine. Because just with this, he finally went back to being a little bit more Crowley again.

“I do. Even if it makes me less… Demon-ish to admit it.”
“I think…”, Aziraphale started, “It actually makes you more of a demon.” Crowley raised an eyebrow and the angel would swear he had never been more glad to see it.
“Why exactly?” the demon asked and narrowed his eyes a little.
“You know… I’m pretty sure we’re breaking a rule here.” as he said it out loud a shadow crossed the demon’s face. But it vanished too quickly to be commented. Instead he answered: “Probably more than one.”
“Probably yes.”, Aziraphale said and gently brushed a red strand of hair from his face.
“But isn’t this against your nature? Breaking rules? You were the one who liked rules so much.” Crowley had to fight against the urge to close his eyes again.
“I actually do, yes.”
“So why are you breaking them now?” Crowley slowly moved closer to the angel too.

They didn’t realize how close they were now. Aziraphale still laid his hand on the face of his demon and their legs almost touched.

“I like rules. But I know that there is something more important than always following them.” Crowley looked at Aziraphale, expectant. He tilted his head a little. To the side on which the angel’s fingers brushed his skin. Aziraphale smiled softly.
“You Crowley. You are more important than those rules, my dear.” the silence which followed wasn’t surprising. Crowley blinked at the angel. Not really able to process what he said.

“Angel…” he whispered and without noticing it he moved a little closer to his opponent again.
“Don’t… Don’t say-“ but before he could finish the sentence Aziraphale ran his finger softly over Crowley’s lips. The demon just stared at him. Not able to do or say anything. Again and again Aziraphale traced the lines of his lips. Crowley’s eyes wandered from the eyes of the angel to his lips too.

“If you wanted to… Stop me.. From saying it. You just could have… Told me?” As he spoke Aziraphale could feel his breath on his skin.
“I could have.. Yes. But that was only one reason why I did it.” Crowley tried to tear his eyes away from the angel’s lips. But he couldn’t.
“And the other?” he asked softly and leaned more into the touch.
“I wanted to… I…” a little closer…

But for some seconds there seemed like a flickering light in Aziraphale’s eyes. It seemed like he woke up then. Doubtful he moved his fingers away from the demon’s lips and back to his cheek. Then he slowly brought more distance between them again. Finally he held up the towel apologetically.

“That’s what I wanted to do… Initially.” Aziraphale watched as a knowing smile slipped on Crowley’s lips.
“Oh.. Yes of course.. But you got… Carried away?” Crowley raised an eyebrow teasingly. The angel sighed softly. He was just glad to see his demon like that again, he couldn’t be mad at him at all.
“Just a bit.” he admitted.

There it was, a small laugh, Crowley laughed. It wasn’t long, or especially bright or happy, it still seemed weird, almost misplaced in the bloody face and with the sad, hurt eyes, but it was there, right enough. Without thinking Aziraphale began: “I missed-“, then he stopped.

“I.. Mean.. I missed the actual point of what I wanted to do here. Of course.” without looking at Crowley again, the angel lifted the towel again.
“Is it okay if I?” he asked softly and already searched the demon’s face for cuts or other injuries.
“If you have to.” Crowley answered, suddenly seeming awfully tired again.
“I think I do. But please, tell me if I should stop, you need a break or if I hurt you, yes?” his friend nodded, with an unidentifiable expression. Carefully Aziraphale started to wipe the blood away with the wet side of the towel.

At first Crowley flinched at every touch, but after the angel realized it, he placed his other, free hand, back at the face of the demon. Only then the flinching stopped. Cautious Aziraphale drew the fabric closer to the first cut over the side of Crowley’s face. As soft as he could he cleaned the injury. The demon had closed his eyes. Aziraphale still saw how his friend suppressed a wince over and over again.
“Does it hurt too much?” the angel asked and stopped the movements of his hand.
“No. It… It doesn’t hurt.” he knew the demon was lying. But again, he couldn’t be mad. Not a single second.

“You know my dear… It’s okay if it hurts.” with those words he started to clean the next cut, this time, right under his eye. For some seconds it stayed silent. But then… “Yes. It hurts. I hate it.” he didn’t open his eyes.

“Should I stop?” his friend asked and truly expected a yes.
“No. Don’t. You won’t make it worse. I trust you.” for some seconds the last words caused Aziraphale to stumble over his own movements. He took a louder breath than intended. Against everything he would normally do, Crowley didn’t comment it. Maybe he was to focused on hiding his pain, that he didn’t even notice.

In almost complete silence, the only noise was the quiet flickering of the candles, Aziraphale cleaned cut after cut, and slowly the blood was washed of the demon’s face.

“I missed you too angel.” normally Crowley’s voice would have been too quiet to hear. But despite how silent it sounded, there was a remarkable clearness in his words. It sounded like he never had a second thought about them. He was more than certain that those words were true. He really meant it.

Aziraphale’s movements stopped. He didn’t move. The demon opened his eyes again and within seconds their eyes met. For the first time tonight Aziraphale’s glance wandered from Crowley’s eyes, to the rest of the bookshop. The walls. The pillars. He looked back at the eyes of the demon. And then he smiled.

He really had chosen the right tone of color.

His eyes and the walls, were almost the exact same color. And, of course, the rest of the walls, the ones which weren’t yellow were a deep brown. The color Crowley’s eyes once were. When he still was an angel. Aziraphale had wanted to capture both versions of his demon. And he hoped every second that Crowley wouldn’t notice. That he wouldn’t notice the declaration of love it was supposed to be.

“You know… I was worried about you. Every day.” Aziraphale admitted. The first time. Even to himself.
“Was it worth it?” Crowley wanted to know and never took his eyes of the angel. He tried to sound more like himself again. But Aziraphale still heard the fear, tiredness and hurt in his voice.
“I don’t know if… Worth it… are the right words.. But it seems like I was right about that. Wasn’t I?” Crowley shrugged his shoulders and finally looked back at some of the candles again.

“Do you want to tell me… What they did?” Aziraphale asked careful, and before the demon could answer he added: “I don’t need to know, I just ask because I want to know if it would help you to speak… About it. Or to tell me.” faster than expected Crowley shook his head.
“I don’t think I can.” Aziraphale started cleaning one of the injuries again.

“It’s okay. As I said you don’t have to.” actually he had to suppress a relieved sight. He didn’t knew how he would have reacted if Crowley told him those horrible things. After all, he already was more than mad at hell, for how they treated his friend. The silence returned. Aziraphale cleaned cut after cut and with every passing minute more of the blood was washed away. Crowley starred into the candle again. He didn’t look at Aziraphale once more. Sometimes, especially when the angel came across a deeper cut, he narrowed his eyes in pain, but he never made a sound.

★

Some time later, the last cut was cleaned. There was no more blood in his face. But the, now cleaned cuts, the obvious bruises and especially the scared, hurt and weary look in his eyes, still told the story of what had happened the last few years.

Aziraphale took a little distance and looked at the demon.
“Are there… Any more injuries?” Crowley didn’t return the eye contact. He seemed completely somewhere else and his voice sounded weirdly distant as he answered: “Yes. They are everywhere.” but almost the same second the words left his mouth, he shook his head and clarified quickly: “But it’s okay. You don’t have to do more. You already did more than…” he didn’t continue speaking.

“I don’t think I did enough, my dear. If there is anything I can do for you, anything you will let me do… Just tell me. I’d like to help you.” Crowley sighed.
“You really don’t have to help me. As I said you already-“, Aziraphale interrupted him,
“Please Crowley. Let me help you. I’m asking you. Please, I really want to do just something more for you.”

They looked at each other some time. He didn’t really realize when it had started, but the angel could hear rain sounds outside now.

Crowley growled some seconds later. He seemed to have admitted defeat.
“I hate you angel.”
“Hate me all you like, that won’t change anything.” Aziraphale answered, without showing any sign of taking, what was said, personally.
Instead he just raised his eyebrows and looked at Crowley, almost expectant.
With another defeated sound, Crowley brushed his hair to the side and revealed some deep cuts on the side of his neck. And also, almost more shocking to the angel as the cuts, there was a bruise which looked like a hand. Crowley watched as Aziraphale’s eyes wandered over it. The angel tried to conceal his reaction as good as he could, but he had to swallow the appalled feeling. He wanted to ask something, wanted to say something, but he realized that everything Crowley would say about this special injury would only make him more mad.

“Will you let me clean them?” his voice sounded deeper than the demon expected. He raised an eyebrow at his friend.
“What? Do you really think I just showed them to you… For what? For pity? No angel, do whatever you want.” even after he finished talking Crowley eyed Aziraphale. Of course he had realized that something had changed the moment he let the angel see the injuries on his neck. But he wasn’t sure what he should read from his expression.

Slowly Aziraphale stood up and walked to Crowley’s side.
The cuts were deeper, compared to his face. The angel leaned forward a little, to clean them and the demon watched him out of the corner of his eye. It stayed silent for some time. Repeatedly the angel brushed the red hair strands back, which kept getting in his way. He seemed more than focused on his task and tried to be especially careful.
“Does it hurt?” he slowly asked, breaking the silence. Crowley shook his head.
“They hurt a lot less than the ones before.” the demon had to admit.

Carefully he looked back at the angel. For some seconds he seemed to be unsure whether to say the following or to be quiet again.
“Do you know… How… She.. Is?” Aziraphale stopped in his movements and returned Crowley’s gaze. For some seconds he had to think about who the demon meant. But then it occurred to him: “Elspeth?” he asked and had to suppress his laugh.
Crowley seemed to notice it anyway. He raised an eyebrow and tried to talk his way out of it quickly: “Yes, I mean… I just want to know if… If what I was… Going through was… You know.. Worth it. I don’t ask because I care or anything like that nonsense.” The angel laughed softly as he answered: “No of course not. You don’t care at all.”
“No I don’t care. She’s a human. I don’t care about any of them.” Aziraphale still smiled while cleaning the next cut.
“Of course you don’t. That’s why you asked.” Crowley growled a little and gazed mad at the angel.
“I already told you, I asked, because I want to know if this,” he gestured vague at his face, his neck and then to the rest of his body, “was worth it.” Aziraphale thought about it for some time, he was very good in not taking it personally how angry Crowley sounded.

“Again, I don’t really know if ‘worth it’ is the correct expression. Because for me, nothing you could ever do would be worth the things they did to you, but, yes, I visited her once or twice.” the angel answered now.
“You did?” Crowley obviously tried to sound disinterested, but failed spectacularly.
“Yes, I most definitely did. And…” he made a small pause, brought some distance between them, to have a better look at the demon, “You won’t believe it. She really did buy a farm.”

For some seconds, Crowley just glanced at Aziraphale. Not believing what he heard.

“She did?” he repeated. “Are you serious?” it seemed that, for some seconds he forgot the situation they actually were in. They both did.
“I am my dear! She really did! I was there. It was pretty nice actually.” for some seconds they just looked at each other. The demon not properly processing what he had heard and the angel waiting for a reaction. And then, when he almost stopped expecting anything, Crowley burst out laughing. It was a real, truly happy laugh. Aziraphale watched him for some seconds, more relieved than he had ever been, but then he couldn’t help it anymore and he joined the demon.

“She’s properly good now.” Aziraphale said, after some minutes of them, just laughing.
“Properly good.” Crowley repeated, with the Scottish accent he had done some years ago. And then they looked at each other again. Happy for the first time today.

Aziraphale felt like he had just been granted the greatest wish he could have ever made.

“You know every time I was there, she asked about you. Where you are, how you are.”
“She did?” Crowley asked, the second time already.
“Of course. I think while you also scared her, understandably so, I have to say, she also is very thankful for what you did. The first time I was there, she wanted to know your name. So I told her, Crowley. And the last time, she showed me a baby goat, which she had named Crowley. After you. He’s very cute.” the most un-demonish smile he had ever seen appeared on his friends face, while he listened.

“So… You think… We should visit her… Someday?” the demon wanted to know and tried to sound somewhat uninterested. But Aziraphale ,of course, saw right through the words.
“I think we should yes.” now the angel tried to conceal his happiness. To hear that Crowley actually suggested something like that made him happier than he would ever admit. Especially the we made his heart beat a lot faster.

“Just because of the goats, of course.” Aziraphale added with a challenging smile.
“Of course. Why should I go for the human? The goats is all I care about.” Crowley immediately and without thinking went along with the words of his angels.
“Oh, you know… I actually remember that you really cared about goats… Or should I say crows? A long time ago.”
“Oh shut up angel.” Crowley growled, and turned his head away to hide the smile he couldn’t fight off.

★

All of the cuts on the demon’s neck were cleaned now and Aziraphale made some steps back to look at his friend again.
“How do you feel?” he slowly wanted to know. Crowley shrugged his shoulders and tried to think about an answer. An answer which was honest, but still hid his true feelings towards Aziraphale. The feelings he could never admit to anyone. Not even fully to himself. But the angel understood the silence wrong.
“I mean… of course.. I apologize, it was a stupid question. You… You don’t have to answer it.” the demon wanted to answer. He really wanted to, but on the other hand, he still didn’t know what to say. What he could say. So maybe the angel just gave him a pretty good excuse himself.

For some time, no one really kept track of time anymore, it stayed silent. They both didn’t look at each other and the only sound was the thunder, rumbling in some distance.

“Angel?” Aziraphale glanced back at the demon as he heard him speak.
“Yes my dear?” Crowley met his eyes just now after the response.
“There… There is something else.” the angel looked at him, and in his gaze it was obvious that, whatever the demon would say, he would do it.
“Something else I need you to… To fix.” Aziraphale took a step closer to Crowley.

“Everything.” he answered, and the demon knew that it was true. He knew that he really meant it. But instead of answering, instead of telling him what he meant, he got up from the chair, tried to suppress a wince from pain, and passed Aziraphale, until he stood in the center of the room lit by candles.

“Are you really sure?” the demon asked.
“More than that. Everything you want Crowley.” the angel answered.

Crowley sighed almost helpless and closed his eyes. There was a ripping sound and then, faster than a human eye could comprehend it, two black wings framed him.
Without opening his eyes again he took a deep breath and started to speak: “I know that… It’s pathetic. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I hate myself so much for asking you for this but… They hurt. Every second. The whole time. With every move. It’s making me insane. I just can’t… Can’t take it any longer. And you… Helped so much with the other.. Injuries… So I thought… Well maybe you could…” he stopped talking and opened his eyes again, because he had thought that Aziraphale would interrupt him. But he didn’t.

The angel just stared at him. His head tilted to the side. There was something strange in his eyes. Something between absolute admiration and total devastation.

“Angel?” Crowley asked carefully. It seemed like this simple word was the only thing which could bring Aziraphale back to reality.
“Why did they do it?” he asked softly and made a step towards the demon.
“Probably because they know that these are the only places I can’t let anyone else see. Even if I wanted to go to a human doctor, I could never show them those. And they know that it hurts a lot more than any other place. It’s the most physically painful thing they could have done.” Crowley explained it dryly like a matter of fact, not really letting any emotions shine through.

“But they must know that it won’t leave any physical scars right? Not on your wings or any other place.” Aziraphale slowly made a step closer again.
“Yeah, they know. They know that anything will heal eventually.” Crowley watched as Aziraphale slowly reached out for one of his wings. Then the eyes of the angel met the demon’s. He stopped in his movement, as if he wanted to ask for a permission.
“Go on.” Crowley said, still watching his angel observant.
Carefully Aziraphale touched the demon’s wing. Softly he brushed a feather with his thumb, like he did it with the demon’s face.

“They are beautiful… You-“, the angel could just stop himself from saying what he truly thought. The demon didn’t seem to realize it.

“They are destroyed. Just a mess, not more. Look at that.” Crowley gestured to a part of his wing, were whole feathers got ripped out and blood still dripped on the feathers below.
“You call that beautiful? It’s just… Bad. Destroyed as I said.” Aziraphale followed Crowley’s movement with his eyes. And of course he saw the many ripped out feathers and the blood dripping from the skin under them.

“They are hurt. But I still see the beautiful part, Crowley.” the angel looked at his friend, which answered his gaze and suddenly they both knew that Aziraphale wasn’t just talking about the wings anymore.

“You… You do?” Aziraphale smiled softly about how insecure his demon sounded.
“Of course I do.” the angel made a step closer to Crowley while he answered.
“Well… I suppose… Sometimes… When I look… At the sky… I can see the gorgeous part too…”

For some seconds his friend had to comprehend what his words meant. But as he realized, he just stared at the demon.
“You remember that?” Aziraphale asked, completely shocked. Crowley just laughed about his expression, for some good amount of time, than, a lot more serious he answered: “Very, very clearly yes.” the angel made another step closer. Slowly, almost unsure, Crowley reached for Aziraphale’s hand. But before he could touch him, his arm hit one of the feather’s which were bent from trying to rip them out. Immediately he flinched back and stumbled some steps to the side.

“Crowley?” Aziraphale asked softly and watched the demon worried.
“It’s okay… Just… I just have to try… To avoid touching them.” Crowley frowned, still in pain. Aziraphale slowly looked back at the chair’s they had sat in, and especially to the towel.

“Should I still try to clean them? I mean if touch hurts this much?” but before he could even finish his sentence, the demon already nodded.
“You are a lot more careful than I was. It will be okay.” without hesitation Aziraphale went back and took the towel. As he came back to his friend he looked at him again, this time with some distance.

With one thing Crowley was right, he decided, they had been destroyed. Or at least hell seemingly had tried. And Aziraphale wasn’t sure if just cleaning out the cuts could change anything about it. It wouldn’t help as much as it had on skin. The demon watched him step closer again. His snake eyes took in every movement, every emotion and seemingly every thought. Aziraphale stood in front of his right wing and slowly reached out for it again. With a small nod Crowley showed him that he was okay with the angel touching it. More than careful Aziraphale brushed one of the feathers and softly started running the wet towel over one of the cuts. His opponent watched him for some time, but almost suddenly he flinched back and gritted his teeth to conceal any noise he would have made.

“Is it bad?” the angel asked caring and looked at the demon.
“Worse than the other ones.” Crowley admitted and took a deep breath.
“Go on.” he said anyway. The pain on his face from the last try still visible.

Aziraphale hesitated. He hated to see his friend in pain, especially now, that he was apparently making it worse and not knowing if it would do any good at all. But he felt Crowley’s eyes again and on the other hand, Crowley had asked him to help. He couldn’t stop now. So he started to run the towel over one of the feathers again.

The relieved feeling already started to get stronger again, but with one wince Aziraphale’s hope that he wouldn’t hurt the demon was destroyed again. Crowley tried to breath deep again, but it seemed more heavy than it should have.

One last try.. the angel thought and brushed one of the half ripped out feathers again, just slightly he didn’t really touch it, but it was enough. The demon twitched so much that it almost scared Aziraphale. For some seconds he just looked at Crowley. Tried to think about something. Anything to help his friend.

He could almost physically feel the pain the demon was in… “They hurt. Every second. The whole time. With every move. It’s making me insane. I just can’t… Can’t take it any longer.” the words replayed itself in his head. He had to do something. But he didn’t want to cause any more pain. He just wanted to stop this, for Crowley. And the only solution he saw, was the one thing the demon didn’t want him to do. He had even forbidden it. The angel had to decide, if he would go directly against it or if he would hurt his friend more. Either way, he would let him down.

But then he thought about how Crowley winced with every move, how bad his physical injuries already were, how bad they must have hurt him. He still saw how Crowley had looked at him when he said he should come in. This absolutely devastating look of complete terror. His face covered in his own blood. The way the demon had gazed at him as he took the sunglasses off. The second he remembered all this again, he made his choice. And he knew how many rules he would break with this decision. He knew in how much trouble he would get in if anyone found out about it. Not even to mention how Crowley would take it. He knew it. He knew it all. But it was worth it, he decided.

Crowley was worth it.

The demon didn’t deserve this pain.
“Angel?” Crowley asked softly, because he had noticed how silent his friend suddenly was.
“Yes. I’m sorry. I was just thinking if… If it would be better if you closed your eyes?” for some seconds the demon raised an eyebrow at Aziraphale, but then he shrugged his shoulders.
“I don’t know how exactly that should help, but… We can try.” so Crowley did what his friend suggested and closed his eyes.

Even more careful and soft than before, the angel started to brush one of the feathers with the towel, but at the same time he thought: “Just a tiny… and especially silent miracle.” the other hand quietly fluttered over the wing, healing every last cut and feather, without Crowley even noticing it. As he had covered the whole wing, he slowly said: “I need to see something on the other side. Wait a second.” and with those words he walked over to the other side and did the same thing again.

Crowley never flinched, or showed even the smallest sign of pain. And although Aziraphale was glad about that, he feared how Crowley would think about it.

But worrying about it wouldn’t change anything now, he decided and instead he slowly admitted: “It’s done..” the demon opened his eyes and looked directly at the angel. He seemed surprised, but he probably hadn’t realized what had happened yet.
“Already? Angel you-“, he even smiled, a tiny, hurt smile which Aziraphale knew was only there to calm him down. But in the second his words died on his lips, Crowley had turned his head and looked at his wings.

There was no trace of blood, there were no feather’s missing. In fact all of them looked beautiful and gleamed in the candlelight. And, for the angel most important of all, Crowley moved them without flinching. Without any slight hint at pain or something like it. But right as Aziraphale wanted to breath out all of the air he had held in, the demon turned and looked at him.

His snake eyes flashed with freezing rage.

“What did you do?” he asked, coldly. Not one emotion except the fury showing.
“I… I healed them… You said they hurt more than anything else. And when I tried to clean them, it seemed to get more painful. I didn’t want to hurt you Crowley.” while Aziraphale struggled to explain himself, the demon just stood there. He didn’t blink. Not once. He just stared at the angel. Mad. Possibly more mad than Aziraphale ever saw him.

“You idiot.” the demon snapped now. The angel stayed silent and continued to glance at Crowley.

“Why are you so stupid? What did you think? Did you think anything at all? How? How could you do that?” he took a deep breath, and Aziraphale used the silence to say something: “I just couldn’t… Couldn’t watch your pain and do nothing.”
“Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t have let me come in, in the first place then! I told you, one thing! I told you, one thing you shouldn’t do! One, fucking thing! And? What do you do? Exactly the one thing you shouldn’t do! I told you no miracles do you remember that?” the angel nodded, not breaking the mutual gaze.

“You do? Well, then I can’t see one damn reason why you decided to do it anyway! Can you reverse it somehow? Take the healing back? Anything? Just reverse it for gods… For Satans… For anybody’s sake!” the longer he spoke the louder his voice grew. But Aziraphale stayed calm, no matter how loud he shouted.

“I can’t. You know that. And even if I could. I wouldn’t. You know that too.” Crowley shook his head, he already wanted to answer something, but the angel could stop him.
“Why did you say I shouldn’t do it?” he asked softly and it was clear that he wasn’t mad at the demon for his reaction. He just wanted to understand it.

“Are you serious? Really? You don’t… You don’t get it?” slowly Aziraphale shook his head. For some seconds Crowley starred at him, still mad.
“You idiot.” he said, again.
“Yes you already mentioned that.” Aziraphale pointed out, despite the challenging answer, more than serious.

“It’s not funny! This isn’t a joke!” but there was something. Aziraphale could see a small change. Underneath the absolute rage in his eyes, there was another emotion slowly coming through. He had to blink once or twice to be sure he wasn’t hallucinating it, but he could see… Tears in the demon’s eyes.

“Crowley… What..” but Crowley interrupted what Aziraphale wanted to say.
“Stop it! Stop being nice to me! Stop caring for me! Don’t you think I can see it in your eyes? How deeply you care? Do you really think I can’t see that?”
“You haven’t told me why you didn’t want me to heal you.” the angel didn’t let the question go. And the demon, on the other hand starred at him for it. Aziraphale saw how the rage was fading. With every second it seemed like it was getting carried away by something deeper. Possibly by the true emotion which caused it in the first place.

“Can’t you see it? Yourself? Really? Do I… Do I have to tell you Aziraphale?” it was the first time in a long while in which Crowley called Aziraphale by his actual name, and not just angel. Something about how he said it now, made the angel shiver. But without hesitating he nodded. Without one single doubt.

“You… You’re an angel… I’m… I’m a demon. You…” the first time since he saw what Aziraphale had done, he looked away. His eyes wandered restless over anything, but they did not touch the angel again.

“You, an angel, just… just healed a demon. Don’t you get it?” but he didn’t look at Aziraphale to see how he still glanced at him.
“I mean… It’s… It’s bad enough that you help me.. That you are actually kind. But this… This was just.. It was… Too much… Wrong. You should have never done it. It was the greatest mistake you could have made.” Crowley still didn’t look at the angel for one second.

“Maybe it was. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe it was the greatest. I don’t know. But what I know is… I don’t care at all.” Aziraphale’s voice was calm. Completely peaceful.

“You what?” Crowley repeated and finally he looked back at the angel. The rage was almost completely gone. But instead there was something even worse for Aziraphale. Devastation. All-encompassing devastation.

“I don’t care if it was a mistake. I knew that, I knew it the second I started. Even before, the second I thought about doing it. And it hasn’t changed. I’m sure it was the right thing.”

“You are?” the demon asked and slowly raised an eyebrow.
“I am.” the angel answered and there was no trace of any doubt. Not in his face and especially not in his voice. Crowley shook his head before he started: “And… Will you still say it.. Will you still be sure if they ask it? Will you still be sure if they… if they…”, his voice started to fade. Aziraphale could see the tears clearer with every passing second.
“If they… Do… Something to you? Because… Because you helped a demon? Will you still be sure then, angel?”
“I don’t think this will happen, but… Even if the unlikely case should occur, I will be sure. Even then. No matter what they say, or do.” Aziraphale sounded more sure than he had ever sounded.

“No… No this… This isn’t… It… it.. isn’t right.. Don’t…” but before he could really say what he wanted to, he started to shiver, completely. Every feather of his wings moved. Then, before Aziraphale could start to understand it, he dropped to his knees.

“Crowley…? What…?”, the angel started and made a step towards the demon. More than careful, but he couldn’t suppress the urge. Unsure he went down on his knees too. He noticed that the demon didn’t seem to be looking at him anymore. He seemed to look through him. Didn’t really notice him anymore. He hoped every second that no hole would appear, like it did the last time they met.

“Crowley? Please look at me.” he asked softly and reached out for the demon. But still, there was no reaction. Nothing that could have showed any sign of Crowley actually seeing or noticing Aziraphale. He didn’t stop shivering either. Aziraphale felt the fear slowly taking over him. What should he do? How could he help Crowley? Slowly and more careful than ever before he placed a hand on the demon’s face.

For a fraction of a second the shivering stopped and Crowley’s eyes seemed to get clearer again. But then both returned.

“It’s okay my dear. Look I’m here. And as long as I’m here, nothing will hurt you.” careful he started to brush his thumb over the demon’s face, just as he did, what now seemed like hours ago. But it didn’t change the emptiness in his eyes, or the shivering.

The only thing Aziraphale could do was staying where he was, still carefully running his fingers over Crowley’s face and repeating the words over and over again, until he couldn’t really tell the words apart anymore and they all started to melt together, forming a completely new thing.

★

“Angel?” for the first few seconds, he really believed he just hallucinated, but then Aziraphale nodded fast.
“I’m here.” he promised and tried to see a change in his friend’s eyes. He still shivered, every feather of his wings moving, but his eyes seemed a tiny bit clearer than before.

Almost helpless the demon’s hand twitched in the direction of the angel. Without hesitation, without even thinking about it, Aziraphale took Crowley’s shivering hand and held it tightly.

“Are you okay, angel?” some seconds it stayed silent, but then Aziraphale couldn’t fight against the unbelieving laugh anymore.

“Of course I am! I should have been the one to ask this question.” Crowley looked at the angel, an almost concerning amount of time before he finally started to take in the rest of the room again. Slowly he seemed to understand what had happened, and that they both knelt on the floor. Almost careful he glanced back at Aziraphale, who just watched him silently. One hand holding the demon’s and the other one still on his face, not thinking off pulling either one back.

“How are you?” the angel asked caring. The shivering had died down a little, but Aziraphale could still feel it.
“Better now. I’m sorry if I scared you.”
“You actually did scare me. But don’t be sorry, it’s okay my dear.” there was a small, hopeful smile on Crowley’s lips. For some moments they both didn’t dare to say anything. They just sat on the floor, quietly and looked at each other.

With every passing minute Aziraphale could see how the shivering which had alarmed him the most, died a little bit more. At the same time, the empty look in the demon’s eyes was replaced by something else. Something he couldn’t quit understand.

“Thank you angel.” Crowley whispered, but in the complete silence of the room, it seemed louder than it should have.
“For what?” Aziraphale asked softly.
“For what you… Did… Said. It helped a lot.” while he spoke, the small hopeful smile appeared on his lips again. And it got brighter as the angel opened his lips and starred at the demon.

“You… You… Really heard it?” of course a part of him always expected that Crowley would actually hear him, but the longer this strange state of his friend had stayed the same, the smaller the part had become. At the end he just repeated the words, because he hoped they would reach him somehow. But that he actually heard it, and seemingly heard every time he said them, surprised him now.

“Every single time.” Crowley answered and almost without noticing it himself, he moved a little closer to the angel.
“And… It really helped?” Aziraphale asked slowly and watched as the demon came closer.
“It did, more than anything I ever tried actually.”
“Good… That’s everything I wanted.”

They both appeared to forget anything around them now, as they looked at each other. Still kneeling on the floor, surrounded by candles and Crowley’s wings hanging on his side. Aziraphale still held the demon’s hand with one hand and his face with the other. It happened so gradually that they both didn’t feel how they got closer with every passing second.

“Everything you wanted?” Crowley questioned, breaking the silence.
“Yes… At least what I wanted, at that particular moment.” Aziraphale said in response, with a faint voice.
“And what do you want now, angel?” in every other situation, the question could have sounded teasing, and it probably would have, but right now, it sounded honest. Hopeful. Like the person, or the demon in this case, who said it, had finally seen a streak of light.

Cautious but still leaving no doubt that he meant it, Aziraphale pulled the face of the demon a little closer. Then his eyes wandered from his friends eyes down to his lips. They stayed there for quite some time. But then he looked up again and asked softly: “What do you want?” without hurrying, Crowley placed the one hand Aziraphale didn’t hold, on the angel’s face, and pulled him closer, just like the angel had done with his.

“I think we want the same.” he admitted now, still not taking his eyes off the angel. They were so close now, they could feel each other’s breath and hear it as one of the only sounds present.
“That’s new.” Aziraphale answered, and Crowley laughed softly. There were only a few inches between them. They looked at each other and listened to each other’s breathing for some moments.

And right as they both seemed to get closer again, Crowley said: “We have to stop.” Aziraphale nodded faintly. Because if Crowley hadn’t said it, he would have.

“If Heaven finds out you kissed a demon, you will be the hurt one next.”
“Heaven would never hurt me like that.” the angel answered, despite how soft his voice sounded, there was a certainty in it, which almost seemed like the naivety of a child.
“I think they would. But hurting you isn’t the only one thing they could do. They could cast you down to hell too.” but neither of them pulled back.

They stayed this close.

“That’s not the reason why I won’t kiss you.” Aziraphale admitted, almost shy now. Crowley raised an eyebrow.
“What’s the reason then?”
“If hell finds out you kissed an angel, they will hurt you like that again. And I don’t want to see you hurt like that ever again. I will do what I have to, to protect you. Even if that means I can’t do what I want to do the most of all right now.” Crowley didn’t blink once as Aziraphale talked. He seemed to be completely hypnotized by his opponent.

“I thought..”, he started to say now, still never averting his eyes, “angels couldn’t be tempted?” Aziraphale just laughed softly.

“Oh Crowley… For everyone there is an exception of this rule.” the demon slowly raised an eyebrow.
“There is?” he questioned, not really knowing where this was going.
“There indeed is. You are mine. You can tempt me Crowley. You always could… And you always did, too.” the demon thought about those words some time.

“As I said, we should stop. Because I don’t want to tempt you.” Aziraphale tilted his head a little to the side.
“You don’t?” Crowley smiled, almost sad now and started to brush his thumb over Aziraphale’s skin, exactly as the angel had done before.

“No.. Because even if you think it won’t happen… I’m too afraid they will hurt you. I could never… Never forgive myself, if something would happen to you, because of me, angel. That’s why I was so mad at you for healing me. Nothing hell could ever do to me would hurt as much as knowing you are in danger and knowing I was the one putting you there.”

For some seconds it stayed silent. Aziraphale still had to understand what the demon said, and Crowley waited for an answer.

“You know… If something like that would happen-“, he stopped talking as he saw the small flicker of fear in his friends eyes.
“As I said, I’m more than sure it won’t. We will be alright Crowley. And besides, I made that choice, remember? Almost all of the choices which led us here, were mine. I invited you in, I insisted on cleaning your injuries, I wanted to help you, I decided to heal you, you explicitly told me not to do it, but it was my decision. There is something I learned… A very good friend taught me to make my own decisions, and even if I still follow more rules than he does, I still learned to question some things, and not to be afraid of doing the things I think are right sometimes.”

“That friend sounds terrible.” Crowley growled, interrupting Aziraphale.

“Oh, there are moments were he really is.” the angel admitted and teasingly squeezed Crowley’s hand, who just rolled his eyes, fighting against the smile.

“If you think about it, I did a very angel-like thing today. I helped you, I helped you and thwarted hell’s plan of punishing you even longer.”
“But I’m a demon! And hell was punishing me with a reason!” Crowley answered immediately, not ready to agree yet.
“And why did they punish you? Because you saved a young woman’s life. And I think we can both agree that this would be something heaven would encourage, right?” as Aziraphale finished talking it stayed silent for some moments.

“Yesss… Okay, point taken.” Crowley admitted, but the angel looked at him, knowing that it won’t be the last thing the demon will say. And he was right.
“I’m still scared. For you. No matter what you say, nothing will change that, angel.” Aziraphale nodded softly.

“What do you think? Obviously I’m scared too, but not because of me, because of you. I don’t want them to hurt you anymore than you want them to hurt me, Crowley. But I know, deep down, that we will be alright. Even if you can’t see it, right now. We will be okay my dear. We will always find a way, don’t you think?”

The first few seconds it seemed as if Crowley wanted to protest, but then he slowly nodded.

“You’re probably right angel. But I still think we shouldn’t challenge them. I mean if we would do something… Like we…”, suddenly he looked away while talking, “almost did…” Aziraphale smiled softly, before he admitted: “Yes, that would probably be a bit of an exaggeration, at the moment at least.” Crowley nodded and looked back at the angel, one of his hands still laying on his face and the other still held by his. They looked at each other for a long time. A very, very long time. Not doing anything. Not saying anything. Just looking at each other. No one moved. They just enjoyed the company of each other. One last time for today.

Because after that, Crowley slowly started to say: “Look angel… I think I should leave now.” Aziraphale made a small noise of agreement, even if everything in him screamed no.

And then, in the exact same second they both pulled their hands back. Suddenly Aziraphale felt how something was missing, he felt empty the second he had lost the touch of his demon. He didn’t knew it, but Crowley felt the same.

“When… Do you think I will see you again..?” Aziraphale asked softly, while they both got up from the floor. Crowley’s wings vanished in the same moment.
“I… Actually think I will be in Scotland next week. Very… Very important demon stuff, of course.” he said, as serious as he could.
“Of course… And I don’t think you will be… By any change visiting a particular farm..?” Aziraphale answered, matching the energy of his friend.
“Why should I? Besides I don’t think I know where this weird little farm is anyway.”

Without making any sound or some answer of any kind, Aziraphale went back to his desk, took a piece of paper and started to write something. Crowley smiled softly while watching the angel write. But as soon as Aziraphale turned around and came back to where Crowley still stood, he tried to hide his smile.

Without saying anything Aziraphale handed him the piece of paper and said: “Of course you don’t know where it is.” without hesitating Crowley folded the paper and put it in his coat. Then he looked back up at Aziraphale again and wanted to know: “And you…?” but the angel immediately knew what his friend wanted to know and answered: “Coincidental I will be in Scotland to… On Tuesday..?” the question hung in the air, not really admitted by any of them.

“Tuesday’s great.” whispered the demon.
“Yes, I remember now, definitely Tuesday, I’ve actually got some… Angel things to do.”
“Lot’s of good deeds?”, Crowley asked teasingly.
“Quite right, my dear, quite right.” Aziraphale answered, trying his hardest not to laugh.

“Well then angel, maybe, just maybe, we will run into each other then…” slowly Crowley made some steps backwards to the door.
“If I’m lucky.” he added and Aziraphale smiled carefully. Crowley smiled back and turned, to open the door. But before he could step outside the angel said: “Crowley, wait.” the demon turned around immediately as he heard the fearful sound in his angel’s voice.

“What’s wrong?” he asked softly and made some steps back into the bookshop again.
“What if you won’t be there? What should I do if they… Take you back again?” the angel tried to hide how scared he was for some seconds, but as he realized Crowley saw it anyway, he stopped.

“If I’m not coming, you will go alone. You will tell Elspeth that I will visit her someday, and that I wanted to know if she’s well. And then you will do whatever angel’s do until I come back to you again. Because I will. I will always find you, angel. And I will always come back. Okay?” gently Crowley placed his hand on Aziraphale’s arm.

“You mean the goats..?”
“Of course! I’m sorry, of course I meant the goats, why should I care about the human? So you will tell the goats.” Aziraphale chuckled softly, before he answered: “I will.”

He expected that Crowley would let go of him instantly and leave, but the demon stayed.
Then, slowly, hesitating, he wanted to know: “And what if you are not there, angel?” his friend saw how much he had to cover up his fear.

“Then you will do the same as you told me.”
“So I’ll go to talk to the goats?” Crowley asked, in another attempt to conceal his true emotion.
“Yes, you will talk to the goats. And then you will do whatever demon’s do until I come back again. Because I will, Crowley. I will always come back to you. I will always find you.” he made a clear decision and statement with using the same words as the demon before.

Crowley nodded, and then he did something Aziraphale never dared to think about.

The demon’s lips brushed the angel’s forehead. Just slightly. Like an accident. If Aziraphale hadn’t seen the look on Crowley’s face right after, he would have sworn that it was not intended. With open mouth, the angel starred at the demon, as he made some steps backwards to the door again.

“Don’t look at me like that. I’m innocent. You tempted me.” Crowley winked at his friend and turned to the door as soon as he heard him laughing.
“See you around, angel.” the demon said as he opened the door and the angel wanted nothing more than for it to be actually true…