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It was warm, almost as if his presence was the sun. I've always been told I was warm; I was the sun. But god, did it feel good to be underneath someone else's light, especially when it was just for me.
It was weird when I first realized why I kept going back. Though I remained warm and bright, I always seemed to find myself looking for that soothing voice, the soft words, and the sweet smile he gave when my light felt dim. It didn't matter if it was over the phone or in that stupid Acura. It didn't matter where because no matter where he was, what he was doing or who he was with, he dropped it all just to let me experience the warmth, kindness and safety I gave to everyone but myself.
For he wanted to know me and worked for it; he wanted to hear me, so he listened; he wanted to take care of me, so he did all he could. He'd spent his time wanting and loving me without touching me. For he didn't want to water me down but wanted to hold me when I was everything and nothing. When the world is falling down on me, he holds it up for me. For he didn't and couldn't care what he had to do because he was doing it for me.
I know it can't last; I can't be with him; I can't bring myself to. I know he is tired of begging. I know he deserves better. He wants it, and I can't give it to him. I know he won't complain and settle for whatever I can give him. But I don't want him to dim out because of me. I want to take care of him just as he does for me. But I'm not able to even take care of myself I can't do that for someone else either. He won't let me leave his warmth. He believes he will always have space for me in his life to grow and make mistakes even when no one would let him make the same ones. For he is my light, and I will forever keep him as mine. I never claimed to be a good person; I'm selfish, needy and greedy, and I feel no shame because he accepts it and loves all of it. All the parts I couldn't bring out, he will shine his light and love them all. He is my person, and he will always find a way to make me feel like I'm worth the world. He will rock me to sleep and do it day after day. He will convince me to eat a full meal and do it day after day. He will do it all without a peep all because he loves me. And though I know the day will come when he can't be mine anymore, I will savour every drop of his kindness, his sweet voice, and all the sweet words he whispers to me in the dark. He is mine now, and to me, at least, he will be mine forever.