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It’s 3am. Middle of winter, Henry is missing Patrick. He shouldn’t be feeling like that, towards a boy. He knows that. But, he can’t control his feelings. His drawer is filled with Patrick’s items, his bracelets, old shirts, pictures and a lock of his hair? Creep.
Henry looked out his window, the moon was beautiful. It reminded him of Patrick, Henry smiled. Wondering what Patrick would be doing at this time, as he doesn’t sleep. So he gives him a text. His fingers shaking because of how anxious he was. Why is he anxious? Especially over Patrick? I’m a boy, boys don’t feel fear. He thought.
He sent the message. “Hey. Wassup?” His smile growing bigger as he thought about Patrick’s eyes reading a message his fingers wrote.
Patrick didn’t reply for quite some time. For him, it felt like 2 minutes, but to Henry, it felt like eternity. C’mon answer. Hurry up. Henry thought.
Suddenly, his phone chimed. It’s Patrick.
“Yo, I’m just sittin’ here, bored.”
Boring. He’s not doing anything? What a loser. His phone chimed again.
“You wanna go on a walk?”
Henry blushed at the thought of walking with Patrick in the moonlight, in the cold. Perfect chance for holding..hands.. No. He wasn’t gay. He couldn’t be.
“Sure. Meet me at the school.” Henry was so excited. He put on warm clothes, threw on his boots, jacket, scarf, hat, gloves, everything to keep him warm as it was -24 degrees. He put his phone in his pocket, keys in the other. And opened the door quietly, trying not to startle his father.
They both see eachother. Henry blushed, looking at Patrick, his hair looking better than ever, his hat fitting perfectly, his jacket suiting his outfit, everything about this man..was beautiful. But Henry knew better to not think about him like that. He isn’t gay. He CAN’T be gay.
“What’re you lookin’ at? Something wrong?” Patrick snapped, walking closer to Henry. Henry jumped, startled as he heard Patrick’s voice. He was lost in those beautiful greyish green eyes. “Yeah no. I’m fine. What’s wrong with you?” Henry asked, trying to sound nonchalant but he sounded like a fool. They began walking, Henry was smiling in secret, looking down with his hands in his pocket. Meanwhile Patrick, he was also smiling, but wasn’t hiding it. His hands were also in his pocket, fidgeting with something, it was noisy, which caught Henry’s attention.
“Hey, what are you doing? You’re irritating me.”, Patrick startled at Henry’s words. His smile faded, Patrick turned to look at Henry, “I..I’m just fidgeting with something. My bad, you angry chihuahua.” Henry frowned at those words. He was NOT an angry chihuahua. He hated the nickname Patrick gave him, but he also loved it as it came from Patrick. He loved Patrick…as a friend of course.
“What are you fiddling with? Your little lighter? Fuckin’ pyromaniac.” Henry snapped. Although he let out a soft chuckle. Patrick blushed, Patrick knew he had feelings for Henry. He just had to let him know, somehow, and Henry giving him a nickname made the feelings harder. Patrick had no worry about sexuality. He never cared about those things, who cares about labels, love is the only thing that matters, not the gender. While Henry on the other hand, cared a lot about sexuality, and labels. He didn’t care about love, just sexuality. He would be fine with loving Patrick if he was a girl, but he wasn’t.
“So what if I am playing with my lighter? What are you going to do?! Huh?” Patrick turned to look at Henry again, smirking slightly, he couldn’t stop his smile. Henry caught his smile, it made him smile too, but he quickly looked away flustered. “No-nothing..chill..” Henry mumbled. They kept walking in awkward silence, Patrick didn’t mind, aslong as he was with Henry, it didn’t matter.
They continue walking for a couple of minutes, and they both cross a bridge, they haven’t seen this bridge once. Where were they? There was no one, no cars, no stray cats, no nothing. It was just the pair, Henry’s heart was fluttering, it was like his dream came true. Being alone with his first love while the moonlight was beaming on them. But no, Henry knew better than to think like a queer. As I said, he can not be gay.
“Where the fuck are we, we’re so high up, and there’s nothing here, no cats, no people no nothing.” Patrick yelled. Making Henry chuckle. “Oh chill out, you’ll be fine.” Henry said, “as long as we’re together..nothing matters..” The smaller boy mumbled. But Patrick heard it clearly. Making him smirk.. “What’d you just say?” He said, stopping in his tracks, they were both in the middle of the bridge, looking at the scenery, beautiful landscapes, towers, trees, and the sun was starting to rise. So it was even better. The two of them, alone, while the sunrise hits them.
Henry stopped in his tracks right when Patrick did. His heart racing, his mind thinking all over, did he hear me? Why is he smiling? I’m not gay am I? How did he hear me? I didn’t say it that loud, did I? He starts to blush, avoiding face to face with his future lov- bestfriend. “What? I didn’t say anything..it was probably just your imagination..” Henry hissed, Patrick knew what he heard, and who it came from. He did not let it go. Henry started to walk away but Patrick grabbed his wrist, making him stop. “Ow!” “Fuck!! Patrick!” Henry yelled, Patrick was always a violent boy, he thought Henry would’ve gotten used to his violence, but it seems he has not. Patrick loosens his grip, but still tight enough to keep Henry close.
“I know what I heard Henry, come on, lets sit down. Alright? It’ll be easier to talk.” Patrick pulls Henry to the side of the bridge, they were sitting against the fence. Henry was looking down, clearly scared. But he tried to remain tough, after all, “nothing like a little fear to make a paper man crumble.” It was hard, but he knew he couldn’t be a sissy. “I never said anything, Hockstetter.. it wasn’t me.” Henry said, not looking up. “Than who was it? No one else is here, just the two of us. Henry..I know you’re anxious, you only call me by my last name when you’re angry or anxious. Come on. Just tell me, I don’t judge.”
Henry clenched his fists, slowly looking up at the sun slowly rising, but it was still pretty dark. “I…I don’t know how to tell you..” Henry said, his voice lowering, Patrick knew something was off, but he liked to see Henry in pain like this, but he also liked it when Henry was comfortable around him, this wasn’t the time to make him suffer. This is serious, after all, Henry is almost real to him. Patrick reached out his arm, placing his hand on Henry’s hair, it was soft. So he started to stroke it. Henry loved when Patrick played with his hair. He eventually calmed down a bit, “Henry.. you’re safe here, just tell me what you wanted to say. I heard it, but not that clearly. And I want to hear you say it, so I know that you really meant it..” Patrick said, making Henry smile, he adored when Patrick was being such a sweetheart, reassuring him whenever he got the chance..
“I..I like you, Patrick.. not platonically.. romantically. I understand if you don’t return these feelings, I know you, you don’t believe anything is real, and you can’t understand others peoples feelings.” Henry finally spat it out, he felt better, but why was he being so..soft? He’s always so feisty..but today it’s like he’s a new person. Patrick kept playing with his hair, he started to blush, all of a sudden, he looked at Henry, he also looked at Patrick. “Hen..I..I love you aswell. You were right about me not believing anything is real.. but. You..you’re 𝙖𝙡𝙢𝙤𝙨𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡 to me. You were right about another thing, nothing matters..as long as we’re together. I..I’ve always wanted you to be mine, I never knew how to tell you this, considering how you’d react, but I’m glad you were able to tell me, I’ve also written a poem about you, love.” Henry blushed,even harder, his smile grew bigger tears forming in his beautiful blue eyes. Making Patrick smile aswell..
Patrick pulls out a paper, one of Henry’s bracelets is attached to it, which caught Henry’s attention, but he’ll mention it later. He was just focused on the poem Patrick wrote for him.. The taller boy started to read the paper, it was crumpled, but the handwriting was beautiful, he was always great at writing. “𝑺𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒖𝒍, 𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒂𝒅𝒐𝒙 𝒐𝒇 𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆. 𝑨 𝒓𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒓𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅, 𝒂 𝒔𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒃𝒐𝒕𝒉 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆. 𝑯𝒊𝒔 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒖𝒏, 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒔𝒌𝒚..𝑯𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒅𝒔, 𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒐𝒊𝒍 𝒐𝒇 𝒍𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒓, 𝑯𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒎𝒊𝒍𝒆, 𝒂 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒎, 𝒄𝒂𝒑𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒍𝒂𝒅𝒚. 𝑯𝒆, 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒈, 𝒃𝒆𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆.” Henry paused. Did Patrick write that…? Himself?.. about someone like me?! Henry thought. He didn’t know what to say, until Patrick spoke up.
“It took me a while, I didn’t know if you would be okay with me writing a poem about you, that’s pretty creepy ain’t it? I’m sorry, but I really love you Henry. I would do anything for you, no matter what it was. Aslong as you’re with me, I’ve got a heart made of diamond.” Henry froze..never had he thought someone like Patrick would say such things. The sun rose, the sunrise hitting both boys eyes, Patrick turned to look at Henry, he caught him smiling, Patrick smiled aswell. “My dear..say something.” Patrick said, caressing Henry’s face with his cold hands..
“I… I don’t know what to say, I’ve never been told such things…I’m not used to this Pat.. but just know, I love you even more, okay? Please..be mine. And only mine, forever.” Henry said. Patrick smiled, softly this time, he never smiled like that. The only smile he’d give was a deep..unsettling grin. Patrick pulled Henry by the collar and kissed him. Their bodies on top of eachother, Henry’s tears fell onto Patrick’s face, he didn’t mind, he never did. He just wanted to be with Henry, for ever. He wouldn’t let anybody hurt such an angel, 𝘩𝘪𝘴 angel. Henry didn’t want this night to end.. he just wanted to be close to Patrick, the cold wind brushed over the boys, but they were so close to the point where they couldn’t even feel the cold anymore, it was like they created a bubble excluding the winter air.
After the kiss broke, Patrick wiped away Henry’s tears. “You’re okay my love, no one will ever hurt you.. just stay with me, and you’ll be safe, if anything happens, call for me. Alright?” Patrick gave a smile again, “Of course, pat.” Henry said, after he had agreed, Patrick teared up. But it wasn’t regular tears, it was blood. “H-hey..Patrick.. you’re bleeding.. what’s wrong?!” Henry yelled. But Patrick didn’t reply. He 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯’𝘵. He then faded away.. leaving Henry all alone, in the cold. All of a sudden, Henry remembered, Patrick died. He was always dead, and he always will be. Nothing can change that.
Henry froze up, crying hard, he didn’t know where he was, who he was, and why he saw his lover fade away.. this wasn’t fair. Why did he have to leave..? All he ever wanted was just Patrick. The smaller boy broke down even harder, making it hard to breathe. Patrick’s poem was left behind, he had grabbed it and gripped it tight, crying harder as the scent of Patrick was on the paper. He had looked up, seeing the fence. He could jump, and see his true love. Or he could just move on, but he couldn’t. Patrick was his, he couldn’t ever let go of such a boy. So he got up, and stood on the edge of the fence, facing the sunrise. The sun was bright, making Henry feel warm, just like how Patrick did. Henry gripped the note tight. And stepped off the edge. He shut his eyes, smiling, he could see his love again..
But, everything went to black, it was warm all over, he tried to open his eyes, but he was too weak. Has the attempt failed? Where is he? Where is his lover? No..no…this..this can’t be right. He did all of this to see his angel, Patrick. But he wasn’t there. Where was he..? All of a sudden, he remembered. “if anything happens, call for me. Alright?” He could talk, but it was barely audible. He felt cold hands cup his face, the scent of Patrick returning. Henry broke down, he could open his eyes, it was blurry despite the tears, but he saw Patrick. His dark hair, light eyes, pale face, cracked lips.
“You’ll be okay without me, Henry.” Patrick whispered, his tears falling on Henry’s. Henry cried out, “PATRICK!!.. PLEASE. COME BACK!!” But no response.. was this all a game..? Why didn’t Patrick stay with him.. where was he..? Henry just accepted his love leaving him. He closed his eyes..memories flashing of Patrick and Henry as kids playing.. he was dead. they were both dead. “Patrick..” the moonlit skies had dissapeared. It was now morning.