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Dr Maxine Myers requests insulin if anyone can spare it.
It was such a simple message -- a line in a rofflenet message that McInnes had rattled off, unaware of how Paula's face had drained and she'd stopped in the middle of wrapping a bandage around Runner Sixteen's arm. "Maxine Myers?" she repeated, a beat too late after he'd stopped talking. She'd not let herself hope that Maxine was alive -- crushing that hope would be too much pain to be worth it. Instead, she'd asked to be transferred to a civilian base after she was rescued and worked herself to the bone at the hospital. (She never forgot her, no matter how many hours straight she stitched and bandaged and injected.)
"That's what it says," McInnes responded, nodding. "Doctor Maxine Myers. Abel Township." He frowned as she braced herself on the camp bed in front of her. "You know her, I take it."
"Yeah," Paula said, putting her hand to her forehead and covering her eyes, taking a moment to assure herself that this was really happening. "Yeah, I know her. I thought -- well, I thought she was dead, obviously. Where's Abel Township?"
"A bit south -- near the River Bailey, I think. I'd have to check."
Tessandori was near the Bailey. Would she have found her message? Paula had no idea, but she felt hope blossom in her chest. Damn it, hope was not what she wanted, not here, not now.
She sat down, her shoulders slumping as she scrubbed at her face with the palms of her hands. She hadn't let herself hope anything and now that she did, she wasn't sure what to do.
"So, um, I know you've got to deal with this and all, and I'll go, but -- do we have any spare insulin? So I can get back to her." McInnes bit his lip, shifting his weight.
"I--I'll have a look. I'll get back to you, I promise."
He seemed satisfied and left. Paula pulled herself together (she was better than this, why was she falling apart?) and finished bandaging up Runner Sixteen, who thankfully said nothing about what had just occurred. After that, Paula decided that she deserved a tea break.
She felt more human as she clutched her chipped brown mug, sipping the second cup she'd squeezed from today's teabag. And she allowed herself to hope -- to picture arriving at Abel, seeing Maxine (she would have bags under her eyes and her hair would be all over the place, an entity of its own, but her face would split with a grin so wide Paula would wonder how she did it). As much as she was needed here, where the government had sent her, she had little trouble acknowledging that she needed Maxine more. Besides, they'd gotten a new doctor two months ago, so it wasn't as if she were leaving them with nothing. By the time she'd finished the slightly bitter tea, she knew what she had to do.
***
"Come in, Abel Township, this is Norton Moors." Paula bit her lip, glancing over at the two comms operators who smiled back.
"Norton Moors, this is Sam Yao from Abel Township. How can we help you?" The tinny voice startled her -- Sam Yao? Julia's Sam Yao?
"Sam Yao, you said?" she asked, needing to confirm it before she said anything.
"Yes, Sam Yao." The tinny voice sounded confused.
"As in, did you -- no, do you have a sister called Julia?"
There was silence on the other end, and Paula was afraid they'd lost the connection.
"Yeah, I -- I had a sister called Julia." His voice wavered slightly.
"She's alive, Sam. I spoke to her this morning, in fact."
"Julia's alive?"
"Yes, she's here -- she told me a lot about you, actually. I can go get her for you, but before I do, Maxine Myers is at Abel, correct?" It wasn't that Julia was less important, but she needed to restore some semblance of order before she fell apart again -- she needed to pretend to have an idea of what was happening next.
"Yes. She sent you a request for insulin yesterday, I think -- I have it written down somewhere..." There was the sound of shuffling papers, but before Sam could find what he was looking for, Paula interrupted.
"She did. We can't spare any insulin, but if possible, I'd like to speak to her -- I'm Dr Paula Cohen, she'll know who I am." Again, silence on the other end, and then, softly, a curse.
"Stay right here, alright? I'll go get her -- she's not far." A chair scraped back, a door closed, and Paula waited.
***
"Maxine! Maxine, come quick -- to the comms desk, there's...there's Paula on comms for you. Your CD Paula." Sam was breathing more heavily than he'd like to admit as he stood in front of the doctor, who had straightened up, startled, as he rushed in. She put her things down (he gets the impression that in another age she would have dropped them, but you can't just go around dropping perfectly good medical equipment after the zombie apocalypse) and took a step away from the patient she was dealing with. She was looking at him with a mix of confusion and (a flash on her face before she could control it, before her common sense could override it) hope.
"I..." she began, but stopped, frowning. Looking over at the woman she had been treating, she straightened up and as professionally as she could, said, "Excuse me," before almost running out of the tent, leaving Sam to follow behind her.
"Paula?" she said as she and Sam entered the comms shack. "It's really...how did she find us?"
"Ask her yourself," he said, gesturing to the mic.
She stepped over to it apprehensively, suddenly not sure whether she wanted to find out what was on the receiving end. If there had been a mistake...well, she wasn't sure she wanted to know.
"Paula?"
"Maxine! Oh, God, Maxine, I'm so glad you're alive. I thought you were dead--" There was babbling from both ends, and Sam didn't say anything about the tears on Maxine's face.
Eventually, they got down to business, so easily slipping into rhythms and thought patterns established by years of conversation.
"Are you able to move down here? How well-resourced is your base? I'm the only doctor here at Abel, so I--yes, yes, oh god, Paula I thought you were dead, I found your CD when we went looking for answers at Tessandori, and I...you're right, yes."
The conversation moved too quickly for Sam to follow, but he hovered behind her, waiting for Julia to come up again. He could hardly believe Julia was alive and there. It seemed too surreal. There had been so many nights he'd stared at the ceiling, shame burning in his chest that he had survived and she -- the golden child, the better person -- had not.
"Sam," Maxine said, snapping him out of his reverie. "Julia."
He rushed over to the mic, and his "Hello?" was just as tentative as Maxine's had been.
"Sam!" He'd forgotten what her voice sounded like. He had tried to remember but he couldn't, until it came over the speakers and he had to sit down, his knees suddenly giving way.
"Jules," he said, grinning so wide his cheeks hurt. "Julia." He couldn't do much more than repeat her name, but thankfully Julia had words enough for both of them.
"Sam, I had no idea you were alive -- I didn't know where to look for you, and it's only because I'm friends with Paula and she recognised your name...Paula says that she's going to see if we can come to Abel. She might even ask for a helicopter -- not sure she'll get it, but it's worth a try. Sam, I've missed you so much." She was just a voice and it didn't seem quite real, but Sam swallowed the lump in his throat as he tried to find words. For a comms operator, whose job it was to talk, he wasn't doing very well.
"Me too, Jules. Look, I'll be listening to this frequency all day -- can you or Paula come back with news? I've got to go -- Abel needs to keep working and all that. Promise you'll come back to this frequency," he said, and shocked himself with his pleading tone. He was just so convinced that this would all be snatched away.
"Promise," she said, and it felt as if they were children, pinky-swearing as a solemn promise.
***
It was drizzling the day the helicopter finally came. They could see it in the distance, but it wasn't going to land too close because of what had happened with the rocket launcher when Five arrived. Half the township was gathered to squint at it as it landed and people came out, sprinting for the gates as the helicopter left. A few zoms were attracted to the noise, but mostly followed the helicopter away from Abel after it had dropped off its passengers, leaving their approach as free as they could hope for. What zoms could be trouble were taken down by the people on the wall. It was, all in all, probably the most perfect entrance ever.
The township watched, Maxine and Sam at the front, as the two women finally reached the gates -- a tall, blonde woman and a shorter dark-haired one, both carrying heavy backpacks. (Maxine would later discover they had government medical supplies. Turns out being one of the top researchers in the country before the world went to shit had its perks.) As the gates closed behind them their respective loved ones greeted them - two different reunions, side by side.
Maxine threw professionalism out the window for once as she clung to Paula like a drowning man. Fuck being calm and professional in front of the entire township - if she had to watch people vomit into a bucket, then they could watch her be utterly overwhelmed with joy. She wasn't sure whose tears she could feel, hot and wet, on her face - they were both crying, so perhaps the point was moot. Paula was murmuring 'I love you' over and over again into her hair. At last they pulled away, and Maxine dried her eyes on her sleeve before asking the questions there had been no time for on the comms.
"Where were you? How did you find me? How did you escape? Oh god, Paula. You're really alive and here and..." she trailed off, reduced to running her fingers softly over Paula's clothing, reassuring herself with each touch that it wasn't a dream.
"The government decided eventually that they would rescue us after all -- they took us to a facility up in Scotland but we didn't tell them about ---I mean, I--" Paula took a breath, trying to organise her thoughts. "There were so many settlements without medics, and I knew that I could do more if I could save lives there. It felt more tangible. So they sent me out to Norton Moors, and I've been there ever since -- I didn't want to look for you, because it was so...I couldn't bear it to wake up every morning knowing you hadn't yet been found. I didn't have the strength to crush that hope every time I woke up." She looked on the verge of tears again, and stroked Maxine's cheek with the pad of her thumb. "But I saw the request for insulin and I didn't believe it at first, but how many of you could there be?" She laughed, suddenly, but it turned into a sob. "I was so sure that with you, if I just had you, I could bear anything. And then I caused the goddamn apocalypse and you weren't there, love, and I was so scared...perhaps now I can get through it, but this is all my fault. We created this."
"Don't talk like that," Maxine said, still holding onto her as much as she could. If she let go, Paula would disappear in a puff of smoke. "You didn't set out to create this, and with your knowledge perhaps we can get further towards a vaccine. You can help. You've already saved probably hundreds of lives at Norton Moors and God knows we could always do with another doctor here. And you're right. We're together now. We can do this." if they had been looking, they would have seen that most of the township had looked elsewhere as they kissed, professionalism long forgotten. Things would get better from here. They had to.
To the left of them, Sam and Julia Yao had their own reunion. Sam's sister was a little out of breath as she approached him -- clearly she hadn't been a runner at Norton. He wasn't sure what she would have been, actually -- it wasn't as if first year law would really come in handy.
"Julia," he said, still struggling to find words. She enveloped him in a hug (they were the same height, or perhaps Julia was a little taller; he wasn't sure. Since she was his little sister, it had been just another failing on his part, Before) and he returned it, not quite believing it was happening. Julia was home, family, real. A connection to the world that seemed so far away even though it had been less than a year since it had all gone to hell. He wanted to tell her how glad he was that she survived but the words were stuck in his throat, and he could only hug her as tightly as he could. Perhaps she'd get the message that way. Eventually, Julia let go of him and stood back, as if inspecting him for damages so she could appraise him. She'd learnt that look from their father, and Sam couldn't help but remember that he had always been found wanting.
"I'm so glad you're okay," Julia said, smiling warmly at him. "Not even injured?"
Inspecting damages. "No, thankfully I got out unscathed -- luck, mostly. You're not hurt, are you?"
"No, but I am parched -- I haven't run that far that fast since rounders at school." She licked her lips and Sam shook his head.
"Of course! Sorry, hadn't even crossed my mind. Come, there's room in the canteen." He set off towards the building and she followed, admiring the township as she went. "This is the community notice board," he said, pointing it out as they passed, "and here's the rec yard, and here's the canteen. Easiest place to get water, and food if you need it. Besides, plenty of space." The idea of taking her back to the comms shack wasn't one that Sam was pleased with. He'd never cared too much before, but the cramped space that was in so much disarray would be such an embarrassment.
When they were both sitting down, Julia having sculled three cups of water before slowing down, a half-full cup still in her hand, Sam asked, "So what did you do at Norton Moors?" He wanted to go back further than that, ask what happened after the outbreak, ask where her boyfriend was...but he couldn't quite bring himself to broach that subject. If he wasn't with her, Gordon was probably dead. When in doubt, Sam found, people were probably dead.
"I've been helping out Paula, actually -- you know how I did that St John's ambulance course last year? Goodness, that was only a few months before the zombies...anyway, there was a while where Paula needed all the help she could get, when she first came, and first aid knowledge is better than nothing. Turns out I was a quick study, so Paula taught me things as we went along, and I stayed on as help when things calmed down because there wasn't much else I could do. It's rewarding work, though. I feel useful, you know?" Julia smiled, but Sam struggled to return it. Useful. Julia was genuinely useful, doing something. A post-apocalyptic doctor! Their parents would be proud of her. But they wouldn't be proud of Sam, safely sitting on his arse in that tiny tin shack while everyone else risked their lives. It wasn't even like he had an excuse, as Rajit did -- Sam was perfectly capable of running, although he wasnt half as fast as, say, Runner Three. He had only become an operator because he could identify the function of most of the equipment. "What about you?" she said, taking another sip of water.
He hesitated -- he knew his job was necessary and Maxine even said it was important, sometimes, but he still felt as if he wouldn't be good enough for Julia the post-apocalyptic doctor. He still remembered the way she'd looked at him when she discovered he was failing Engineering and wouldn't be the Sam Yao his father expected him to be. It had been a mixture of shock (as if she'd always thought he was perfectly good before) and pity. He'd avoided her from then on, speaking to her on the phone sometimes but rarely face-to-face, ashamed of what she knew. He looked at the table as he answered, occupying himself by cleaning the dirt out from under his fingernails.
"I'm an operator -- I direct the runners on their missions and make sure they don't get eaten by zombies they can't see." He almost added 'it's a pretty essential job', but stopped himself.
"Ha, your dreams are coming true at last!" Julia said, giggling at him. When he frowned, she elaborated: "You know how you wanted to work in radio, back at uni? And now you are. It only took the end of the world for it to happen, but I'm happy for you, big brother." Sam couldn't see any trace of pity or condescension in her expression -- she wasn't thinking about how he didn't do anything, how it was a cushy job, just sitting safe at home. She was genuinely happy for him.
Julia wasn't their father, and Sam had forgotten.
"I suppose they are," he said at last. It was true, in a way -- sometimes when he wasn't painfully aware that people's lives depended on him not screwing up, he enjoyed working with the comms equipment, thinking of the reprieve that the university radio station had given him from the crushing pressure of his courses. "Not sure that the zombie apocalypse was the price I was willing to pay, though." He'd paid for it with the lives of their parents, the lives of his friends (he didn't know what happened to any of them), the lives of the eleven runners he'd lost. That was far too steep for a radio gig.
"Agreed. I really like what I do, but I think there would have been easier ways to discover that I should have transferred into medicine."
They sat in silence for a while, Julia's eyes roaming around the canteen and Sam just staring at the table, a brown stain on the surface occupying his attention. It looked a little like a chicken, if you tilted your head slightly.
"And...and Mum and Dad?" Julia said at last. There was no real need to say they were dead -- that was an assumption she'd already made, given her tone. Even so, Sam didn't answer for a long time, the silence stretching out between them like an elastic, getting more and more perilous.
"They..." he said at last, but couldn't continue. "They're not zombies," he settled for. Knowing that the people you loved weren't undead was usually the only comfort you could find. "Not anymore."
"How do you know?" Her voice had changed -- it was higher, more urgent, and Sam looked up from the table at last.
"I..." He bit his lip, and couldn't meet her eyes. "I made sure of it."
"You killed them." It was a statement, not a question, and as she said it she stood up. "You killed them." She was backing away, and Sam stood up too, fear pooling in the pit of his stomach.
"They were already dead," he said, pleading with her. "You know that, they were already dead, they died when they got bitten--"
"Then you didn't protect them well enough!" she shouted, backing into the next table over and swearing as she hit her ankle on the leg of a bench. "That was your job, Sam. You were there and you were meant to protect them." She shook her head, breathing heavily. Sam didn't understand why she was being like this -- she knew they were dead, she knew Sam had to kill them -- and he didn't know what to do to appease her. She wouldn't look at him as she said, "You failed, Sam. You failed them."
She left, and Sam was alone in the middle of the canteen, a bitter taste in his mouth and a crushing weight on his shoulders.