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It had been two months since they last spoke. The tension that day could have been cut with one of Leonora’s knives. Their words became weapons, reopening old scars with each sentence. It all happened in their shared office; whoever passed by could hear them. After that, Clarissa left for a family visit, and Leonora spent most of her time in her dorm room. Emma would sometimes pass by to check on Leonora, but she would never talk about what happened—she just drank until she fell asleep. However, entering the third month of no contact, Emma went to visit her chambers.
Knock knock
"He still had hair! Stop whining!" Leonora screamed, drunk.
Emma rolled her eyes. "It’s me, Red," she said as she entered the room.
Leonora was sprawled on her couch near the fireplace, holding a bottle of wine, her clothes half off. Emma dodged some broken glass pieces and, lifting Leonora’s leg, sat down next to her. Leonora moved a little, making herself comfortable as Emma held her legs. She would never admit it, but the feeling of someone touching her in a caring way made her feel as if she were alive.
"How are you?" Emma asked, patting her leg.
"Fineeeee," Leonora said, sipping some wine from the bottle.
"I don’t know if you know, but she’s coming back… tomorrow," Emma said softly, as if trying not to scare an animal.
Leonora stayed still. She gave Emma a glance and took another sip.
Emma sighed. "Red! I’m worried. I’m not asking you to tell me what happened—I just want you to know that I’m here. I have noticed that your fire is gone, that thing in you—I don’t know how to explain it," Emma said.
Leonora looked up at the ceiling. "I live in the shadows without her. I have no light of my own," she murmured, her eyes glistening.
Emma gave her a worried look. "That’s not true, Red."
Leonora put the bottle down and sat up straight. "I told her that. I begged her not to go."
Three months ago…
"Don’t fucking act like you didn’t do anything," Leonora barked back.
Clarissa gave her a pained look. "You went to another woman! Just because I made the mistake of lying about where I was that night?"
"You were with your fucking ex!" Leonora said furiously, looking into Clarissa’s brown eyes.
"I didn’t tell you where I was because I knew you would get like this," she said, gesturing at Leonora’s state.
Leonora was gripping her cane with all her strength; her hair was messy, and her eyes looked as if evil truly lived within her.
"Oh, I’m sorry. I’m going to be calmer. It’s okay, love—lie to me about being with your ex and come home again as if nothing happened," Lesso said in a sarcastic tone.
"If I went to him, it was because he really needed to talk. It was late, and I was tired. I made the mistake of falling asleep—I’m sorry," Clarissa said with rage.
Leonora let out a laugh and looked away; she couldn’t stand seeing Clarissa.
"You didn’t even tell me. He was the one who told me… two weeks later," Leonora said, her voice breaking.
"I know. I’m sorry. It was not something I wanted to hide, but it all just happened so fast," Clarissa said, getting closer to Leonora.
"When he thanked me for being so 'okay' with you two talking and spending the night, I—" Leonora stayed silent.
"So, your first response was to go and spend the night with another woman?" Clarissa said with indignation.
"We’re even now, don’t you think?" Leonora let out in a cruel tone, looking back at Dovey.
Clarissa’s face dropped. She felt as if her world were falling apart. She stepped back from Leonora.
"I think it’s best if I accept my mother’s invitation and go away for a few months," Clarissa said as she turned and walked to her desk, trying to contain her shaky hands.
Leonora felt a rush of panic. "So you’re just going to leave? Are you shitting me?" she let out.
"Could you please just go?" Clarissa murmured, her eyes burning with tears.
"No! You’re telling me you’re leaving for who knows how many months?" Leonora exclaimed, slamming her hands on Clarissa’s desk.
"Don’t you see? We don’t trust each other anymore! I… I don’t think we’re good for each other," Clarissa admitted, making Leonora’s face even paler than it already was.
"No… Dove, please don’t," Leonora let out as she kneeled beside Clarissa, taking her hands.
Clarissa couldn’t look at Leonora—not when she was crying, not when she was begging.
"Please, love, look at me. Don’t go, Clarissa. I love you. I love you like the sun. I can bear your shadows, please talk to me."
"You’ll be fine," Clarissa answered.
Leonora gave her a hurt look. "Don’t you see? I shine only with the light you give me," she said, crying.
Clarissa couldn’t take it anymore. "I’m sorry." With a movement of her hand, she disappeared.
Present…
Emma wiped one of Leonora’s tears.
"Did you sleep with that other woman?" Emma asked, unsure if she could take the answer.
Leonora gave her an offended look. "No! I was heartbroken. I went to this cavern. I was mad—I wanted revenge. This woman came to me, we drank, and she led me to her room. But when she started kissing my neck, it felt as if my skin was burning. She wasn’t my Dove. I could never touch another body that isn’t hers. I got the fuck out of there as fast as I could, but I was still mad at Clarissa—that’s why I didn’t clarify it."
"Oh, Red," Emma let out.
"It has been hell. I don’t care anymore that she lied to me—I just want her back," Leonora confessed, pressing her hands against her face.
"Just talk to her tomorrow. Tell her everything you told me. I know she will understand, and you’ll both apologize," Emma said in a confident tone.
"She doesn’t trust me anymore," Lesso said, getting up from the sofa.
"Do you?"
"Do I what?" Leonora asked Emma, giving her a confused look.
"Do you trust Clarissa? Do you believe she didn’t do anything?" Emma asked.
Leonora touched her hair anxiously. "I know she didn’t do anything," she confessed.
Emma’s eyes widened in shock. "Then what the fuck!?"
"I just didn’t like that she lied to me! The only person on the planet that I fully trust lied to me. How would you feel about that? If she had told me she was going to speak to him, I wouldn’t have minded."
Emma gave her a look.
"Okay, maybe I would’ve gotten annoyed, but I would never tell her no. She is not my possession," Lesso said, dropping her voice to a sad tone.
Emma got up from the sofa, and holding Leonora’s arm, she gave her a smile. "Red, go find Clarissa tomorrow. Talk. Forgive yourselves."
Emma planted a kiss on Leonora’s cheek, but she stayed still. Her head felt like a cage, and her key was still not here.
Emma left Leonora alone, and as she was walking out, she prayed to the universe.
The morning arrived, and the students were gathering to welcome Dean Dovey back. Leonora was standing near a window, looking down at the bridge. Her evil dean walls were up, and then she saw it. The carriage arrived, and a yellow dress appeared first, then the person who was wearing it. Dovey gracefully got out, and Leonora’s breathing stopped. Her hair was down, filled with dust gold; she looked like an impersonation of the Sun. Leonora’s stern look must have been strong because Dovey’s eyes lifted directly to her window. It felt as if time had stopped; the only thing they could see was each other. Dovey’s eyes scanned her, then she looked back to the students.
Leonora’s lungs started to work again; the spell was broken. She got away from the window and grabbed a book.
“True evilness can start at an early age…” she read.
And for almost what felt like an hour, that was all she read. Her mind wouldn’t let her concentrate; her body knew what was coming.
“Is it good?”
Leonora jumped, and putting the book down, she saw Clarissa standing by the door.
Leonora grabbed her cane and got up from the chair. She was looking at Dovey as if she was a ghost.
“Ehmm, not, no, not really,” she finally let out.
Clarissa gave her half a smile and walked to their shared bookshelf, her fingers caressing the books as if she was announcing her return to them.
“How are you?” Clarissa asked, still looking at the books.
Leonora was feeling a lot of emotions, and all she could let out was an “Okay.”
Clarissa gave a nod and sat in front of her desk. Leonora’s body sat down in her chair again without her even realizing it. It looked as if Lesso was about to interview Clarissa for a job. Then Clarissa’s eyes locked with Leonora’s.
“I’ve missed you,” Clarissa whispered, with glassy eyes.
Leonora’s face was serious, but inside, she wanted to die.
“You left me,” she answered back.
“We needed this time away from each other, don’t you think?” Clarissa said, tilting her head a little.
Leonora let out a sarcastic chuckle and crossed her arms. “So, how was the trip? Did you discover something new?”
Clarissa studied Leonora; she knew her like the palm of her hand.
“Yes, I discovered that I made a mistake with you,” Clarissa said calmly.
Leonora felt a shiver run through her body; she was not prepared for this.
“Mhm,” Leonora said; she couldn’t speak.
Clarissa stood up and sat on top of Leonora’s desk, looking directly at those green eyes she had missed so much.
“I made the mistake of taking for granted your trust, of not telling you about my meeting with Aslem, of not telling you the day after because I was scared,” Clarissa said, as she looked at Leonora with sadness.
“Scared?” Leonora asked.
“Yes, I was scared you would leave me because I betrayed your trust. I felt as if I was frozen. I wanted to tell you, but every time, it felt as if it was too late, until it really was,” Clarissa confessed, a tear rolling down her face.
Suddenly, Clarissa held Leonora’s face. Her warm hands made Lesso give in to the touch, even though she was trying to stay strong.
“Leonora, nothing ever happened that night. He wanted to apologize for how he treated me in the past, and the conversation lasted more than it should have. I don’t care anymore that you spent the night with another woman. I understand; you felt heartbroken and betrayed. Even though it kills me to think about it, I forgive you,” Clarissa said, weeping, looking at Leonora with eyes full of truth.
“Oh, dove,” Leonora let out, standing up and wrapping Clarissa in a hug. Leonora’s hand held Clarissa’s head against her chest, as if she was water that could run away at any given moment.
“My dove, my love, my sun. I never slept with that woman. I could never touch another person that isn’t you. When she touched me, it felt like hell; it burned my skin. I got out of there. I’m sorry that I made you believe that, that you have been suffering with the idea of me with another woman,” Leonora said, kissing and caressing Clarissa’s head.
“Are you serious?” Clarissa asked in tears, looking now into Leonora’s eyes.
“I would open my chest right now and take my heart out for you, just so you know I’m telling the truth,” Leonora said, holding Clarissa’s chin.
Clarissa gave her a smile, and grabbing Leonora’s tie, she pulled her to her lips. They had been separated for three months, and the taste of Clarissa’s lips against Leonora’s made her want to cry. How could she have been so stupid? This woman would never do anything to hurt her. Leonora grabbed Clarissa’s waist and pulled her closer to her body, the kiss being desperate.
“My light is back,” Leonora said between kisses, giving Clarissa a smirk.
Clarissa smiled, feeling Leonora’s hand travel her body. She couldn’t believe how long she had lasted without this, without her other half.
“I’m only yours,” Clarissa said in a sigh, as Leonora kissed her neck.
Outside their shared office, Emma was passing by when the noises made her stop in her tracks. She leaned her ear to the door and covered her mouth, trying to hold back her laughter.
“I guess they finally talked,” Emma said, giggling as she walked away.