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It was as simple as a glass of water.
Shawn was already in the kitchen wiping down the counters. It was something that his sponsor had recommended (“idle hands are the devil’s playthings, after all”) to distract him, and Shawn hated to admit that it worked. If his hands were busy cleaning or making something, they weren’t wrapped around a bottle. Kevin also liked it, partly because Shawn wasn’t drinking and partly because he didn’t have to clean.
“Hey Shawn,” Kevin called from their couch.
“Yeah?”
“Can you get me some water?”
Shawn laughed. “Use the magic word, big guy.”
Kevin groaned, and Shawn could picture him throwing his head back and rolling his eyes. “Please get me a glass of water?”
“Okay, okay,” Shawn said teasingly, grabbing a cup from the cupboard and placing it under the tap, humming some Green Day song he couldn’t care to name. He was content, and he should’ve predicted that it would crash and burn.
He set the cup down and reached for the rag he was using, accidentally knocking the cup to the floor. The plastic knocking sound echoed throughout the room, but Shawn didn’t move.
You idiot. You can’t do anything right, can you? You’re just a fuck up. Kevin does everything for you, and you can’t even get him something to drink? Do you actually love him?
Shawn didn’t move, watching the room blur while he watched the puddle of water slowly inch across the floor.
You can’t even clean it up? Maybe you should drink again. It’s the only thing you’re good at. Kevin would be better off without-
“Shawn?”
Shawn didn’t move. Kevin sighed and picked him up easily, placing a careful hand on his back and carrying him to the couch. Shawn saw it, heard Kevin call his name, but he couldn’t respond. His eyes wouldn’t move. It was like he was in a movie theater, watching what was happening but unable to reach out or speak.
And then he blinked and felt Kevin’s arms wrapped around him. “Come back to me, baby boy.”
Shawn untensed, trying to speak, but all that came out was a puff of air.
“It’s alright, Shawn,” Kevin said, stroking his hair as he relaxed into the bigger man. “It’s not a big deal.”
“I can’t do it.”
Kevin stopped his strokes. “Do what?”
“I-anything, Kevin! I can’t even bring you a glass of water and now I have to force myself to get sober which is so much harder but I can’t even do something so damn simple and and and-”
“Shawn.” Kevin made his name sound like an order. “Shut up.”
Shawn whimpered.
“You’re going to be okay,” Kevin said. “You can’t do everything. Everyone spills a glass of water sometimes, but you clean it up and move along. And you can too.” Kevin paused. “I mean, I already cleaned it up for you, but next time. This is just one day, and there will always be other, better days.”
“You have too much faith in me,” Shawn muttered. “I don’t have good days anymore. Just days where I drink. Those are the only good ones.”
Kevin sucked in a breath, and Shawn braced himself for the ‘yeah, okay, you’re right, you’re beyond help and being with you is tiring, I’m breaking up with you’, but all he said was, “well, how about we make good days ourselves?”
Shawn found himself nodding before he had fully processed what his boyfriend had said. “How?”
Kevin shrugged. “No clue, but whatever we do, we’re doing it together.”
“You…you’re not tired of me yet?” Shawn asked.
Kevin chortled. “Tired of you? Never. You keep me on my toes, and besides, I love you, and I have a vested interest in you getting better.”
Shawn smiled. “I love you too, darlin’. I’m sorry for being such a burden.”
“You can be a burden,” Kevin said, “I can carry you.”