Work Text:
afterglow
This the story of Jeon Jungkook and Park Jimin.
It begins on the night of September 1, 1997, where two children smile and two fathers cry. Jeon Jungkook, a baby boy, had been born today. Park Jimin watches him happily. He will turn two years old in a month, and this is the best present he’s been given in all 688 days of his life. A new friend.
Across the room, a new father drinks. He can’t do anything else. He should be happy, he has a child, a son, but he didn’t have to lose a wife for it. His friend, Jimin’s father, comforts him, but his body is numb to the gentle strokes on his back. All he can see in front of him is his friend’s son smiling fondly at a monster. A monster he created.
Come the summer of 2005. Jungkook is now seven, almost eight. Jimin is nine, almost ten. They play by the ocean, unaware of anything else but each other. The sand gets in their eyes and between their toes, their lungs and legs burn from running continuously on the unstable terrain, and Jungkook’s skin is an array of colours, but they are unaware of anything but each other.
“Jiminie, come on! You’re so slow!” Jungkook drawls out the last syllable, emphasizing his point in a dramatic fashion.
“Call me hyung! And I’m not slow, you’re just too fast! Hold up!” Jimin fakes disapproval, but deep down they both now it is how it is.
After hours of run and play, the two decide to sit by the edge where water and land meet. The sun is beginning to set, and it has become ritual for them to watch it on the night of August 14, the day Jimin’s mother died. Their silhouettes are haloed by rings of orange and gold.
“Jiminie—“
“Hyung.”
“Do you remember your mother?” Jungkook is whispering. He knows if his father overheard him, he would be a bad boy, but he is curious. He lets the wind speak over him.
“No, Jungkookie. I was only a few months old. Why do you ask?”
Jungkook watches the sun touch the water. He likes to imagine the sun was taking a bath, and at dawn will come up fresh and clean from yesterday’s work. “I was just wondering. I want to know what my mother looked like.”
Jimin watches Jungkook’s eyes reflect the sunset. He likes to watch how Jungkook saw everything as though he is seeing it for the first time. “Does it matter? Neither of us had ever seen our mothers. We just have each other.”
Jungkook takes a moment to look at Jimin, eyes filled to the brim with questions he knows cannot be answered. “I want to know what beautiful woman I killed without meaning to when I was born. She must have been a goddess for my father to regret having me.”
Jimin knows something is off with Jungkook, more than usual. So he just holds his hand, and says, “Jungkook, I know your father is scary, but just remember that you have me. I might not be that much, but at least I’m the only kid in school who cares about your pet rock. And you’re the only kid in school who doesn’t think I’m fat. So even if your father regrets having you, I never did, and never will. Okay? You’re my best friend, and I love you.”
Jungkook’s heart is soaring, and he knows that in the moment he is the happiest seven-year-old kid to be alive. But he is still only seven years old, so he replies, “Ew, you said love.”
Jimin pouts. He thought what he said was really sweet. He meant it, too. “You’re so mean.”
Jungkook doesn’t like a Sad Jimin. So he scooches closer to him, puts his arms around Jimin, and whispers, “I love you, too, hyung.”
It is now three months before the end of their first year in high school. Jungkook had been brought up a grade from second to third grade, so he is now in Jimin’s class. Jungkook likes to brag that it is because he is too smart, smarter than Jimin, but Jimin feels more proud than envious of him.
The boys are sat by the ocean again. It is Thursday, and school has ended. They have a four-day weekend ahead of them. They should start on their Physics project due Wednesday, but they both know it’ll be started and finished Tuesday night. Instead, the two revisit old times and play around on the beach. By the time the sun is almost near the horizon, they find themselves in the water, soaked from head to toe. They both know that Jungkook will get a beating for wetting his uniform, but for now, they do not care.
The sun is just about to set, so Jimin drags Jungkook by the wrist to right over the edge of where the water and land meet. They sit down by each other, barely touching. The water washing past them at regular intervals.
Jungkook watches the sun touch the water. He was too old to think that the sun was taking a bath, but young enough to pretend the sun was falling out of the sky. “Jiminie, how did you know you liked boys?”
Jimin watches Jungkook, but not just his eyes anymore. He likes to trace Jungkook’s forehead, nose, lips, chin, and cheeks with his gaze. Jungkook grew up to become very handsome. “I just knew. Why do you ask?”
Jungkook looks at Jimin, and his eyes were still a pool of unanswered (but definitely asked, the bruises on him arms and stomach prove it) questions. “Can I kiss you?”
Jimin looks at Jungkook, and he’s uncertain. He loves his best friend, but he doesn’t want to force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do, and he's afraid of losing his best friend. What he’s more afraid of, though, is that he may no longer love his best friend as he has these past 15 years. And so, with a wary mind and heart, he asks, “Are you sure?”
Jungkook doesn’t nod, doesn’t say yes. He just leans forward a little (they are pretty close anyway) and presses his mouth to Jimin’s. This is their first kisses, both of theirs.
After experimenting and getting comfortable, they let their hearts soar. Jimin’s hands were on Jungkook’s shoulders, and Jungkook’s on Jimin’s face. Had they just put their hands on each other’s chests, they would have felt each other’s racing heartbeats and know they both felt the same. But this was life, and Jungkook’s father was not too far away.
They both lean back after ending the kiss. The sun has just gone down. Their faces are glowing from the sun’s glow still spilling over the horizon.
Jimin breaks the silence first. “What do you think now?”
Jungkook looks at Jimin’s hands, Jimin’s nose, Jimin’s feet, anything but Jimin’s eyes. “I think I like boys.”
And even though they feel slightly uncomfortable, Jimin hugs Jungkook. Jimin knows Jungkook’s discovery will hit him harder than it hit Jimin, because of a certain drunk man at home. He doesn’t mind when arms come around his waist, too, holding him as tight as a vice. He doesn’t mind when he feels the warmth and dampness in the crook of his neck. He doesn’t notice when the sticky sadness holds to his eyes and throat. He doesn’t care when the tears finally fall from his face, too.
They both know that Jungkook will come out tomorrow morning with an assortment of blossoming purples and blues painted brashly on his skin.
It’s three years later when Jimin and Jungkook decide to succumb to their hearts’ wishes. That first kiss had definitely stirred something in them, and from then it had simply been a subtle game of push and pull. And here they are now, lying in Jungkook’s bed with the sticky atmosphere of sex hanging around them, a luxury considering his father had not come home for a couple days. He is probably unspeakably drunk and in bed with some poor woman right now.
“Jimin, you know how I was thinking of running away?”
Jimin stares up at the ceiling. There are stains of beer splattered across it. He can’t bring himself to think of Jungkook crying alone, curled up in this bed, trying to protect himself from the swinging bottle in his father’s hands. “Don’t, Jungkook.”
Jungkook sighs. “I’m not. My father’s all I have. I’m all he has.”
Jimin keeps staring at the stains, letting his mind flush itself of everything else. “Jungkook, I don’t understand how you still bring yourself to respect the man. He’s hurting you.”
“Don’t say that. I killed his wife.”
“You were a newborn! It wasn’t your choice!”
“It wasn’t his choice to lose a wife but gain a son either. Give him some slack, Jimin. He’s gone through a lot.”
Jimin knows what will happen next. He will try and say how Jungkook’s father has no right to take his grief out on him, especially after so long, and Jungkook will raise his voice saying how Jimin has no right to judge his father after he went through so much. There will be yelling, and tears on Jimin’s part, until Jungkook will see Jimin’s wet face and will halt. He will apologize, say he didn’t mean to hurt Jimin, and eventually they will settle, though the atmosphere around the topic will get ever thicker.
So Jimin says nothing. He simply closes his eyes and turns towards Jungkook. “I love you, you know?”
Jungkook looks at Jimin. Jimin’s always been cute in his eyes, but it’s only recently when he realizes how beautiful Jimin is. “I know.”
Jimin, eyes still closed, smiles. “Remember that, Jeon Jungkook.”
The next day, Jungkook’s father approaches his house just as Jimin is leaving. Jimin simply throws a “good day” at him, and he can only nod back. The bastard was spending time with his friend’s son again. He is infuriated.
After a good deal of punches and blows thrown every which way, he is satisfied. The boy understands what he means. Just for good measure, though, he spits on the floor at the edge of the boy’s bed, and growls, “If he’s back here one more time, I’ll kill both of you!”
Jungkook knows his heart made a mistake, loving Jimin.
It was that June, when Jimin and Jungkook had finished their second-to-last year of high school, that everything crumbles. Jungkook had attuned himself to avoid Jimin and spend more time with his father. Though he no longer drinks to the extent he used to, Jungkook’s father still hurts Jungkook frequently. Of course, during the calmer moments, he fakes regret and tenderness for his son, which the boy willingly takes, albeit somewhat naively.
The father and son are spending time together by the docks, repainting the sheds and the older boats. Jungkook is in the midst of conversation with his father. He discusses finding a girl for himself, now that he’s older. His father, cringing at the thought that his son had once liked boys, strongly agrees.
Jimin is looking for Jungkook. After talking to his own father about what had happened, he had been determined to at least break the ice between them. He does not enjoy having to live without a best friend and someone he loves so much for so long.
As Jimin rounds the front of a rather large boat, his eyes find Jungkook. He smiles, finally meeting Jungkook’s eyes, but immediately stops when he sees Jungkook charging at him with stormy eyes. For once, Jimin is scared of Jungkook.
When Jungkook finally approaches Jimin, the greetings on his lips escape, as do any thought of negotiation. Jungkook holds him by the shoulders roughly and tightly, and growls, “You need to leave. Please. He’s here. He’ll hurt you. He’ll hurt me.”
Jimin asks, slightly annoyed at how he was being handled after being ignored for so long, “What the hell do you mean? I’m here to see you again. We have to talk.”
Jungkook shakes him a little, startling Jimin. “Just look behind me and you’ll fucking know what I’m talking about!”
As if on cue, Jungkook’s father yells out, “What the hell is going on there? Is it Jimin?”
Jimin meets Jungkook’s eyes again, and he sees pure fear. Jungkook turns back to call out, “Everything’s fine, you go back to painting. I’ll fix this.”
Jimin is very confused. What is there to fix? Why is Jungkook so scared of him with Jimin around? Jungkook’s father can’t hit him of Jimin is here. He’s at least had a sense of courtesy around others in public.
Jungkook doesn’t give him an explanation. “Jimin, you have to leave. Please, I love you, but he’ll kill you. Jimin, don’t come back, for the safety of both of us. Just listen to me for once, hyung.”
Jungkook pushes Jimin back to the direction where he came from. He can hear behind them Jungkook’s father’s voice, hollering, “Jungkook, I know it’s Jimin! Remember what I told you!”
After Jimin leaves dejectedly, confused and somewhat threatened, Jungkook holds his courage to brave his father. He has barely gotten a look at him when his father likewise storms at him, preparing to hit him. “What the hell was he doing here, boy? Did you forget my promise? Or do you want to die?”
Jungkook tries his best to hold the waver in his voice down. “No, don’t worry. I told him to stop seeing me. I don’t like him. I don’t like any ‘him’s.”
His father takes a few moments to process what Jungkook had said, the alcohol slowing down his thoughts. A smile forms as realization dawns on him, and he claps him on the back. “That’s what I want to hear, boy. I’m proud of you.”
Jungkook breaks his own heart and Jimin’s alongside. Still, he couldn’t help but smile at his father’s approval. This is the first time he’s made his father a proud father.
Jimin takes the situation harder than he thought. It is worse that he was neighbours with Jungkook, so he walks to school at dawn, waiting for hours until the doors are open, and arrives home hours past sunset. He diligently avoids Jungkook, and instead adapts to watching his once best friend from afar. Of course, there are moments when he will pass by him on the sidewalk going to the library or buying some more ketchup from the grocery store, but Jungkook will completely ignore him, giving his full attention to his new girlfriend.
Jimin’s heart is numb from aching.
The story is nearing its end by the spring of 2019. Jungkook’s father passes away on April 1. The funeral is held three days after, by the city graveyard. His tombstone is showered with flowers from relatives Jungkook never met and friends Jungkook had seen every day. Even Mirae is unable to comfort him, not that she often is.
The priest offers prayers for Jungkook’s father, but Jungkook tunes everything out. He focuses on the rain pouring. How fitting for such a day. Especially when he notices Jimin arrive.
Jungkook doesn’t look at Jimin. Soon, the procession ends, and everyone begins to leave. Mirae tries to bring Jungkook with her, but instead he lets go of her hand, falling to the ground next to his father’s tombstone. Mirae’s father has to lead her to their car.
Jimin watches as Jungkook falls to his knees. He still cannot fathom why Jungkook cares for such an evil man, but that is how it is. Seeing Jungkook’s girlfriend leave, he decides not to linger either. He is afraid of the mere thought of being alone with Jungkook.
On his way down the path, every slow footstep and raindrop tells him to wait. He does not realize he is sitting on concrete steps by the entrance of one of the paths until he is. And so, he waits for Jungkook. Just as he has for so many years.
Jungkook walks, unaware of reality until a certain figure floats before his eyes. He sees Jimin hunched over, sitting on the steps, waiting for someone. Waiting for him. He doesn’t even fully process what is happening and goes over to tap him on the shoulder without meaning to, a habit from years ago.
Jimin looks over suddenly to see Jungkook standing over him, and stands up as well. They face each other once again, down a path they never saw coming but knew would come eventually. Their eyes meet, and not a second more passes until Jimin opens his arms, until Jungkook falls into them.
No words are passed between them for a while. Their moment seems to slow down the world. Jungkook finally asks, “Do you still love me?”
Jimin knows his answer by heart. “I do. Do you?”
Jungkook's answer is never heard.
Just as Jimin asks, he sees a girl, Jungkook’s girl, stand at the bottom of the steps. He lets go of Jungkook and watches her. She looks at Jungkook, then Jimin. She has finally made the connection.
Jungkook doesn’t know how to react, but standing on the path of his father’s grave, he does what any good son would do. He looks at Jimin, his heart reaching out, but his feet lead him to Mirae, who grabs his elbow tightly and drags him away. Jimin only watches with blank eyes. Jungkook feels like he’s watching a sunset where the sun will never rise again.
The next day, at sunset, he sits alone on their beach. He sits almost chest deep in water. The sun is setting, but his eyes are closed. He cannot tell if the saltiness in his mouth is from the ocean his tears. His heart aches, and for once he knows his mistake will never be fixed.
Two funerals in two consecutive days.
He apologizes to everyone he’s lost, starting from his mother. He begins to say, “I’m so sorry,” but his voice breaks into sobs before he can control himself.
His heart finishes it for him.
I’m so sorry, Jimin. I loved you, too.
That is the story of Jeon Jungkook and Park Jimin.