Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Alf

Alf was his. Or perhaps it would be more accurate to say he was Alf’s. He wasn’t sure when or how it happened, but there it was. He was now firmly part of Alf’s pack. When they took him for walks, Alf would herd them both along if they dawdled. If he strayed too far from Hayley, Alf would nudge him back in the right direction. If he wanted to play fetch, he brought the ball to Taylor just as often as Hayley. When Taylor came through the front door, Alf would be waiting for him, ready to greet him like a long lost friend every time (even if he’d only been gone 5 minutes). And Taylor adored him in return. He liked to tease Hayley for spoiling the little dog, but in reality he was just as bad, showering him with treats and toys and love. Sure, Hayley was still the favourite, as she always would be, as she should be. But knowing that he was part of their little tribe… well that was everything wasn’t it?

Blonde

He can still remember the first time he saw her with blonde hair. He hadn’t known she was going to do it. But he instantly knew why she’s done it. And it broke his heart. She was so unhappy, so lost, so unsure of who she was… so she wiped the slate clean. He’d noticed the slight hesitation in her when she’d first arrived in the studio, her nervousness at being asked to explain the sudden change, so he’d made light of it - ‘Testing out whether blondes really do have more fun are we?’ - and he’d seen the relief hidden in the roll of her eyes and the giggle she let out. He had vowed he’d keep finding ways to make her smile, to make her laugh, to bring her back. And he had. Today, as she emerged with freshly bleached hair, he knew he didn’t need to worry this time. This time there was no hidden meaning. This time it was just for fun. Thank goodness.

Clean

Hayley had always loved to experiment with her hair, her clothes, her make up - and he loved that about her. He loved how much fun she and Brian had with it, constantly amazed by the creative looks they came up with, the personas they created, the seemingly endless supply of new ways express themselves. He knew how much she needed that outlet, how much joy and freedom she found in it, how much it comforted and inspired her. And he loved each and every look. But his favourite version of Hayley was the one staring back at him right now - fresh from the shower, with her hair still wet and her face completely clean of make up. The version that hardly anyone ever got to see. Sleepy eyes, soft skin, gentle smile. This was his Hayley.

Dreams

He jolted await with a start, struggling to sit up, gasping for air. It took a few moments of blinking frantically for him to get his bearings… He whipped his head to the left, and breathed out a sigh at the sight. It was ok. She was there. She was safe. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm his racing heart. His mouth was dry, so he turned and slid slowly out of bed, careful not to disturb her. He padded slowly to the kitchen to fetch some water. He was standing at the sink taking slow sips, gazing out of the window into the darkness ,when he felt a fair of arms wrap around his waist, and a gentle kiss pressed between his shoulder blades. “You ok?” She whispered sleepily. “Yeah, I’m ok. Bad dream, that’s all” he replied, turning slowly to pull her into his arms. “Sorry I woke you” he says guiltily. “Don’t be” she replied with a smile “I want you to share all your dreams with me, good and bad”

Enough

She was his bandmate. His creative partner. His friend. His best friend even. But that was it. And that would be enough. It should be. It had to be. He could ignore the way his heart sped up when she was around, the way his hand itched to reach out and take hers, the way his body ached to be closer to her. He could block out the fantasies that his traitorous mind would sometimes conjure up, of a life he could never have - where he could kiss her whenever he felt like it, where she would look at him and he would see all the love he felt reflected back, where they could live a life together. But that was just a dream. She only saw him as a friend, would only ever see him that way. So he could box those feelings away, and never let them out. He could. He would. Because having her in his life, even if it was just as friend, was enough.

Forget

He knew he needed to forget. If they were going to go back to just being friends, if they wanted to have any hope of actually making that work, and of being able to keep the band together, then he needed to forget it all. Forget how her lips tasted again his. Forget how warm and soft and perfect she felt in his arms. Forget the noises she made. Forget how right it had felt in those moments. Forget everything about what it was like to be more than friends with her. It was the only way. But asking him to forget that was like asking him to forget how to breathe. He didn’t even know where to start.

Green

Black was Taylor’s favourite colour. Everyone knew that. He rarely wore anything but black, preferring to blend into the background as much as possible. Even on stage, or perhaps especially on stage. His house was pretty monochrome, with plain white sofas and light walls. He shied away from bright colours most of the time. But if anyone had actually asked him, and really pushed him, he would have confessed that his favourite colour was actually green. In fact, it wasn’t just green - it was specifically the green/grey of her eyes. But he’d never admit that!

His

He didn’t consider himself to be particular materialistic. He didn’t have a lot of stuff. He wasn’t really into fashion. His wardrobe wasn’t extensive, but he had some favourites. His band t-shirts. His checked shirts. His yellow beanie. Except none of those were really his, were there? Because somehow almost all of them ended up on her. His baseball caps seemed to regularly be perched on her head. His jumpers could often be found drowning her tiny frame, keeping her warm. But he couldn’t bring himself to mind. In fact, he sort of loved it. Because after all, what was his was hers, right? That was how a relationship worked. 

Iris

She was in the garden when he got home. He stood by the door for a while, content to just watch her as she worked. She was a vision, with her giant straw hat protecting her face from the sun, and her dungarees with yellow sunflowers on. She had headphones in, and was bopping gently along to whatever she was listening to as she pulled up weeds that has crept into the flower beds whilst they’d been away. The irises, her pride and joy (and possibly the present he’s most proud of having given her) were in bloom. She’d been so excited that she’d shaken him awake at 7 that morning, and dragged him out to the garden to see. The joy on her face, and the sweet kisses she’d peppered over his face, had more than made up for the early wake up call.

Just

Taylor didn’t know why he was so nervous. When Hayley had called him and asked if he’d help her pick some furniture for her new house, he’d jumped at the chance. She’d been so quiet and distant these last few months, shutting herself away from the world (or maybe shutting the world away from her), so he’d been delighted, and a little relieved, when she’d reached out. As he sat waiting for her to pick him up from his house, he felt his palms begin to sweat and his heart beat faster at the prospect of seeing her, of spending the day with her. He shook his head quietly as he mentally berated himself. Pull yourself together Taylor. What’s gotten in to you? It’s just Hayley. But that was the thing, there was nothing ‘just’ about Hayley, was there?

Keys

He was sat in the studio, headphones on, completely engrossed in the latest track that he was working on when a clatter to his left startled him. Turning, he saw a set of keys had been dropped on the desk, attached to a keyring with a tiny black guitar on it. He reached up to take his headphones off, and swivelled his chair round to see Hayley settling herself on the sofa, looking anywhere but at him.

“What are these?” He asked, pointing to the keys and raising his eyebrows at her in confusion.

“Hmm?” She looked up at him, doing her best to appear nonchalant, but not quite managing it. “Oh, that’s a set of keys to my house. I thought you should probably have some, y’know, in case of emergencies or something…” she trailed off, biting her lip, a shy smile peeking through.

“Right, emergencies...” he said, a grin blooming across his face as he stood up and made his way over to her. “I think we might be about to have a lot of emergencies” he whispered, leaning down to capture her lips in a kiss.

Chapter Text

Laughter

Taylor had never considered himself to be a particularly funny guy. Certainly not in front of a crowd! Zac was the funny one, the one who knew how to crack jokes that had the whole audience laughing (even if he sometimes took them a little too far!). And Hayley too, she was funny, with her seemingly effortless ability to entertain and charm, whilst also being willing to laugh at herself. Sure, he could crack a few jokes and be silly at a Q&A session, if the mood was right. But being funny wasn’t really his thing. But these days, he found himself striving for it, doing anything he could to coax a laugh out of her. Because there was nothing like Hayley’s laugh, and it had been sadly lacking in recent months. When Hayley laughed, you couldn’t take your eyes off her. And when Hayley laughed because of him, the whole world lit up.

More

He’d been in relationships before. He thought maybe he might even have been in love before. He’s had fun with other girls, cared about other girls, made plans with other girls. He’d been happy, mostly, in his past relationships. But this… what he had with Hayley, was so much more. He laughed harder with her than anyone else. He thought about her more than he’d ever thought about anyone else. Kissing her made him feel like he’d never really, truly experienced a proper kiss before. What he felt for her was so much bigger than anything he’d ever felt before. It was just… more.

Nickname

Taylor couldn’t really remember when she’d started calling him T. He knew she’d been the first to come up with that nickname. His family had tended to stick to Taylor, or Tay. T was her idea. He was T to her before anyone else. So although other people picked it up over the years, and it became his most commonly used nickname, he would always associate it with her. He was her T first, and always would be.

Ours

“Hey guys, do you want to come back to ours for a drink?” He asked as they were packing up after a successful day in the studio. He was met with a chorus of cheers and yeses from their friends and band mates, who were all ready to kick back and relax after a busy day. He turned and saw Hayley staring at him, a strange look on her face.

“What? Sorry, is that okay?” He asked her quietly, suddenly realising that he probably should have asked her first. “Sorry, I didn’t think to check, I can definitely just cancel if you don’t want to have them over, I-“

“T!” She cut off his nervous rambling with a laugh, walking over to him and wrapping her arms around his neck. “It’s fine, of course it’s fine! I just…” she paused and bit her lip with a shy smile. “That’s the first time I’ve heard you refer to the house as ours ” she said, gazing up at him with shining eyes.

A wide smile stretched across his face at that. Because he felt it too. The thrill that came with knowing that they’d taken that step, that they’d reached this point, that they were building their life together. He couldn’t help but kiss her, ignoring the whistles and teasing groans from their friends.

Pants

She was wearing those pants again. The black and white checked ones. The ones that made her look unbelievable. Although who was he kidding, she always looked unbelievable. But there was something about those pants… And it was becoming a bit of a problem. The last time she’d worn then, he’d found his eyes straying to her more often than they should, becoming increasingly less subtle as the night wore on. And he’d definitely messed up a few more notes than usual, particularly when she directed some of her more provocative dance moves in his direction. He was going to need to really concentrate tonight. As they prepared to make their way onto the stage, Hayley walked past him, brushing a little closer than was strictly necessary. She turned and threw a smirk in his direction. She knew exactly what she was doing.

Quiet

“Is quiet just another word for boring?” He asked one evening, as they sat on the porch enjoying the sunset.

Quiet was a word that was often used to describe him. He didn’t read press much and he preferred to stay offline as much as possible, but things filtered through, and he knows that’s what they say. He’s the quiet, reserved, shy member of the band. And he couldn’t disagree. It was true! But sometimes, on his darker days, when the anxiety rose too high, it bothered him.

“What?” She turned to him, surprise clearly written across her face

“When they say I’m quiet, do they just mean I’m boring? That I just blend into the background. Like I’m not adding anything. That I’m not really… anything.”

“Taylor. Look at me” she lifted a hand to his cheek, tilting his face, forcing him to look into her eyes. “You, my love, are anything but boring! You don’t have to be chatty in interviews to prove that! You’re always so good with words. You don’t say much, but what you do say is always so eloquent. Much better than me and all my rambling!” She stroked her thumb across his cheek softly.

“Besides” she added with a wink “I think it’s kinda sexy! You’re like the mysterious brooding rockstar that was everyone’s teenage fantasy!”

“Oh really?” He whispered, pulling her closer, a small smile growing on his face “Even yours?”

“Especially mine” she murmured against his lips.

Roses

He’d never bought a girl flowers before. In fact, he wasn’t sure he’d ever bought flowers full stop. But he knew how much she loved flowers. And he needed to do something, anything, to try and bring some of the light back to her eyes. To show her how much she mattered. To show her how much love there was in the world, waiting for her to be ready to receive it. So he bought every rose in the shop.

The smile she gave him when she saw the beautiful vases of flowers dotted around the studio for her was the first genuine smile of hers he’d seen in what felt like years. It worked.

Silence

It was too quiet in his house. He’d never really noticed it before. But now, it was suffocating. He hadn’t realised how accustomed he’d become to the cacophony of beautiful, chaotic, joyful sound that she brought. Her shoes clattering in the hallway, often accompanied by the patter of Alf’s paws. The rush of the kettle and the clinking sound of tea being poured and honey stirred in. Music constantly playing somewhere. Her voice washing over him as she told him about her day. Her laughter as she recounted a particularly amusing anecdote from the office. Her soft breathing as she slept next to him. But now all of that was gone. Since that day, that terrible conversation, that heartbreaking ending, there’d been nothing but silence.

Tonight

“I think we need to talk Taylor. Can we? Tonight?” Hayley stood before him, twisting her hands together nervously, avoiding his eyes.

Here we go, he thought. The talk he’d known was coming. He’d sensed the shift, and known she was getting read to sabotage herself once again. Had felt her start to pull away over the last few weeks. Had caught her lost in her thoughts, and read what she was thinking in her body language. She was going to end this. Whatever this even was. She was going to stop things before they got too far (as she saw it). Even though he already knew, at least for him, that it was too late for that. But he wasn’t going to win this argument. He could tell. So he’d have to let her go.

“Sure” he sighed, “let’s talk tonight.” And spent the rest of the afternoon hoping tonight would never come.

Uncle

Taylor adored being an uncle. He loved spending time with his nieces, and would throw himself into what game or crafting activity they wanted. He had endless patience for them, and he spoiled them rotten.

They knew Hayley too, of course. Justin had been playing with the band when both girls were born, so they’d grown up knowing the whole gang. And they loved her! So when Taylor starting bringing her around a bit more often, when she started coming to family dinners, it didn’t phase the girls at all. They were thrilled to get the chance to spend more time with her. And if she seemed to always be at his house when the little family stopped by unannounced, well that was great news!

“Is Auntie Hayley coming too, Uncle Taylor?” Nora’s sweet little voice had stopped him in his tracks. He turned, and saw Justin grinning at him, Nora in his arms, unaware of the bombshell she’d just dropped. It was the first time he’d heard that name. But the fact that Nora had decided to bestow it upon her, unprompted by anyone, made his heart sing.

Vice

She was addicting. From the first brush of her lips again his, he knew he was done for. Because once he’d had a taste of her, he needed more. He needed that taste every second of every day. He hadn’t thought of himself as someone with a particularly addictive personality. Sure he smoked, but that was as much for his anxiety as anything else. And he could definitely get a little obsessive about his music. But that was nothing compared to how he felt about her. Even just being her friend had been exhilarating. He’d always counted himself lucky to know her, to have a front row seat to her brilliance, to somehow be on the receiving end of her love (even when it was love as a friend). He’d always felt a pull towards her, like he always needed to be near her, however he could. But being more than her friend, knowing what it felt like to have her lips on his, her fingers in his hair, her arms around his neck, was something else entirely. What it was like to have her warm body beneath him, above him, to get lost in each other. How it felt to be really, truly loved by her. Well, once he’d experienced that, he knew he’d never get enough.

Waiting

He sat on the front porch, cigarette in one hand, steaming mug of coffee in the other. It’s early, too early to be up really, but he never slept well when she was away. He’d already been awake when she’d texted him to say she’d landed. So now he waited, nervous energy thrumming through him at the prospect of having her back, finally.

Alf was beside him, but the little dog was restless too, and couldn’t seem to settle. Taylor set his mug down and reached out to him. “I know buddy” he murmured, running his hand through the dog’s sort fur comfortingly, scratching behind his ears. “Not long to go now.” Alf huffed and nudged his nose into his hand, licking it once in thanks.

The sound of a car pulling up caused them both to look up quickly. She was home.

X Ray

Severe lung infection. The doctor’s words repeat over and over in Taylor’s head as he sits by the window, staring out into the darkness. It’s late, or early, and he really should be sleeping, but every time he closes his eyes he’s back in the hospital, staring at the x ray, at the dark shadow in her lung. He scrapes a hand over his face and shakes his head, trying to erase the memories. It’s all okay. He tells himself. She’s safe. She’s got medication. She’s going to be fine. He looks back across their room to their bed, where she’s sleeping soundly. He stands up and pads slowly back, careful not to tread on Alf who’s snoozing on the floor by the foot of the bed. Climbing into bed slowly, he tucks himself around her small frame. She shifts, nestling back into him instinctively but doesn’t wake, fortunately. He lifts his hand to rest it softly over her chest, and the gentle rise and fall, which doesn’t seem quite as laboured as it had been earlier, eases some of the tension he’s carrying.

Yellow

Yellow was always the colour that came to mind when he thought of Hayley. It just… fit. She was so vibrant, so full of life, so full of colour. He was always amazed by how much energy she had, and how much she was willing to share that energy with others. Whenever he was feeling tired, or low, or anxious, she would be there to lend him some of that energy. It was life-giving. And when she smiled, or better yet laughed, she glowed. She was like sunshine. So, yellow. Although of course he was too shy to actually explain all of that when it came up in an interview. The world didn’t need to know quite how much he’d thought about it.

Zac

Having Zac back was the best thing that had happened to him in years. And not just back in the country, and back in his life, but also back in the band. He brought some much needed levity to the group, pulling Taylor and Hayley up when things got too dark, too heavy. And he unlocked a new level of creativity in all of them, allowing them to create their best album yet.

He also brought a new perspective. It didn’t take him long to notice that things between Taylor and Hayley were… different. He watched them together, saw the subtle shift in dynamic, the invisible string that had always been there between them so much stronger, pulled so much tighter now. He could see what was going on - he had eyes! So if his best friends needed a little helping hand to finally get their chance at happiness, he was ready.

Chapter Text

Anytime

He told her he loved her at seemingly random moments. It was like he said the words whenever they occurred to him. He didn’t just save it for special occasions. It wasn’t just when they were saying goodbye, or to thank her for something. It wasn’t just when they were having a romantic or intimate moment. It could be anytime. She could never predict when he might say it. He might say it whilst they were doing the dishes, and she was swaying to the beat of whatever record was playing. Or when she was doing her elaborate skincare routine before bed. Or when they were working on a new song in the studio, pouring over the same two bars for hours on end. Or when they were shopping for groceries.

He told her so often that she couldn’t help but believe it.

Button

She didn’t know why she’d said it. “If I had to think of a word for Taylor it would be button.” It was true, his nose was cute like a button. (If she was being really honest, his whole face was cute, but that was a can of worms that needed to stay firmly closed). But she really should learn to think before she opened her mouth in these interviews! She knew the fans would have a field day with it. She sort of hoped they did start referring to him as Button - that would be very funny. But she didn’t want all of the inevitable speculation that would come - ‘ Omg, so cute that she calls him button, they’re so cute together, they should totally date, they’re obviously dating’ . It annoyed her because it was disrespectful to their friendship and to her relationship, that was all (and no, it definitely wasn’t because she knew, deep down, there probably was something there, she just couldn’t bring herself to admit it).

Now, all these years later, she still liked to drop it into conversation, every once in a while. He’d groan and shake his head, but the smile on his face let her know he didn’t hate it quite as much as he made out.

Care

“It was just a walk Hayley, no big deal” he shrugged as he hung Alf’s leash up on the hook and took off his coat.

But it was a big deal. He’d listened that morning when she’d told him she had a busy day of Good Dye Young meetings. He’d realised that she’d be tired when she got home, and so he’d taken it upon himself to take something off her plate. He knew she might not have the energy to walk Alf that evening, but that the little dog would be restless after a day home alone, and she’d feel guilty if she didn’t manage to take him out. So Taylor had come over early, before she got back, and taken him for a walk. And he’d thought to send her a quick photo from the park letting them know where they were so she didn’t worry when she arrived home to an empty house.

Even when Alf had been a shared dog, she’d always been the one who was really looking after him, the one doing all the work. Sure her ex-husband had loved the little fluff ball, but only when it was fun, and only when it suited him. The fact that Taylor was stepping in to help, that he cared so much, even when Alf wasn’t even his responsibility…

She didn’t know how to convey just what it meant to her. So she settled for showing him, reaching out to take his hand, pulling him up the stairs, towards her bedroom.

Drive

The guys had heard the heated telephone conversation from the other room. She knew they had. She tried to keep her voice down, to not get too worked up, but she couldn’t help it. He was being so unreasonable. She was so done with it. All of it. Suddenly, she couldn’t sit in the studio anymore. She needed to get out, to move, to clear her head.

“I am going for a drive” she announced, gathering her things and making her way to the hallway to put on her shoes.

She heard footsteps behind her.

“Want some company?” She looked up to see Taylor standing there, jacket already in hand. “No pressure of course, if you want to be alone that’s totally fine, I just thought -“ he ducked his head, running a hand through his hair a little awkwardly “y’know… I could come with you, if you like…? We don’t even have to talk or anything, I just… thought maybe you might not want to be alone. You don’t have to be, you know?”

She stared at him for a few seconds. How did he know what she needed before she even really knew herself?

She launched herself at him, wrapping arms round his neck and holding on tight.

“Yes please” she whispered in his ear.

Encourage

“You sounded great Hayles, really! Look at you hitting those high notes in Decode like it’s easy!“

“Ignore them Hayley, they don’t know what they’re talking about. It doesn’t matter what they write in those stupid magazine. The fans know it’s not true, so does your family and your friends too. That’s all that matters.”

“You can do this. You know you can do this. Sure it’s slightly more people that we’ve played to before, but that doesn’t matter. You always have the crowd in the palm of your hand, that doesn’t change whether there’s 5 people or 50,000 people! And you’re not alone up there. Just look to the left and I’ll be right there.”

“If you want out, that’s fine. I understand. And I’m not going anywhere. We’ll still be friends. We can still make music, even if no one hears it. But for what it’s worth, I think it would be a real shame if you stopped.”

“Of course it should be an album”

She shouldn’t be surprised. He’d always been the one to encourage her. The one who gave her pep talks when she was freaking out before a show. The one who noticed when she was struggling, and found a way to cheer her up. The one who believed in her more than anyone else ever had. The one who was always in her corner, always on her side, no matter what. Where would she be without him?

Face

She loved his face. She could stare at it for hours. Sometimes she did, eyes tracing over those familiar features, fingers gently stroking his cheeks, his nose, his dimples. And his eyes. She could get lost in those eyes. It was a cliché, she knew, and something she’d never thought actually happened to people, and yet with him, it was true. Oh and his smile. His proper smile. The one that he was too shy to use in photographs, most of the time, but the one that spread across his face when he was really truly happy. OG Taylor face as she jokingly called it. That same grin that she’s first seen all those years ago which had stayed constant through every version that she’d known over the years. She’d loved every version of him that she’d known so far, and she knew she’d love all the versions still to come.

Gaze

Taylor didn’t just look at her. He gazed at her. That’s the only word that could be used to describe it. He wasn’t one to talk about his feelings, or really talk about anything if he could help it - not in public! But he couldn’t hide how he felt, it was written all over his face.

She knew that other people noticed. And had noticed, long before she’d truly opened her eyes to what was happening. Of course she’d seen the comments from fans online - they’d picked up on it, and they’d been right, even thought she’d denied it loudly at the time. It had scared her at the beginning. She’d shied away from it - first because she didn’t want to see it, and then because she didn’t want to face what it might mean. 

But now she relished it. Basked in the feeling of it. Adored how it felt to have his eyes fixed on her, his love for her so plainly visible. Now, as they stood together at the end of the stage, she gazed right back at him, hoping he could see all of the love she felt for him shining in her eyes.

Hands

He kept his hands on her waist. Or sometimes higher up her back. Or sometimes buried in her hair. But they never strayed lower. She knew he was holding back, out of some sweet (if totally unnecessary) concern about overstepping.

“Taylor” she breathed between kisses “Can you… You know you can…I need you to…”

He pulled back slightly, breathing heavily. “What is it?”

“You know you can move your hands.” She says, tightening her arms around his neck, pressing herself closer to him “PLEASE move your hands, T” she whimpered, a little desperately.

“Are you sure?” He asked “I don’t want to push you, don’t want to go too fast and- “

“God yes, I’m sure” she said, reaching behind her, pushing his hands down, and connecting their lips once again.

Introductions

“So I was thinking, I’m probably going to need to switch up the band introductions” she says casually.

They were sitting on the porch, her back against his chest as they watched the sun starting to set. It was their last weekend at home before they set off on their new tour, which always brought mixed feelings. She was so excited to play some new shows, and to see their fans again, and she loved the camaraderie that came from being on tour with the whole gang. But she would also miss home - their home, their safe, cosy bubble that was filled with so much love and laughter and life. She would miss having him all to herself.

“Oh yeah, why’s that?”

She shifted, turning in his arms until she was fully in his lap, arms around his neck, knees on either side of his hips. She could already see the glint in his eyes, the grin he was struggling to hold back. She leant forward, nudging his nose with hers before whispering against his lips “Well… I should probably tell them my new name, don’t you think?”

Jealousy

She’d never admit it, but she secretly really liked it when people were jealous of her. Not jealous of her voice, or her looks, or her fame - none of that. When they were jealous of her relationship with Taylor.

They were rarely demonstrative in public about their feelings, but there were moments. She’d see a reporter clock the way he brought her a cup of tea as they prepared to start an interview. Or a security guard notice how he carefully swapped places with her to stop her getting too jostled at a gig. Or a bartender watch as he subtly pressed kisses into her hair when she rested her head on his shoulder sleepily. Or a flight attendant spot as he tucked a blanket over her, and told her to rest.

And of course she saw joking (or maybe not so joking) posts on social media asking if she knew how to fight. Yes, she absolutely did, and would when it came to Taylor - just fyi.

Feeling their jealousy sparked a petty pride within her that she knew she should be more ashamed of than she actually was. But really, they were right to be jealous. They should be jealous of what she had with Taylor. She knew how lucky she was.

Knowing

“They know” she said quietly, “you do realise that, don’t you?”

“Hmm?” He’s looked up from his guitar “Who knows what?”

“Everyone” she said “The fans, the press, people on the internet. They all know about us.”

“So?” He asked, his brow furrowing in confusion.

“So… you don’t mind?” She asked “You’re not bothered that everyone knows we’re together?”

“Hayley” he set the guitar aside, and reached out to take both of her hands in his “I really, really don’t. I love you, and I honestly couldn’t give a shit if people know. Actually” he said, looking a little shy “if I’m being honest, I sort of like it”

Well, that took her by surprise. She felt a warmth burning inside as she stared at him. “Really? You do?” She asked a little breathlessly, shuffling closer.

“If people know that I’m the luckiest guy in the world, that I’m the one who gets to love you and share your life, well… why would I complain about that?”

Lurk

“Why are you on your phone at this time of night my love?”

She jumped slightly, having not realised he was awake. She looked down at his sleepy face, blinking up at her in the semi-darkness, and felt a wave of guilt “Oh sorry, did I wake you? I just couldn’t sleep, so I picked up my phone, and was just going to check briefly but…” she shrugged “I’ve ended up down a rabbit hole.”

He shuffled up and over, nudging her to move her arm so he could rest his head against her chest. “Nah, you didn’t wake me, don’t worry. But you know late night scrolling is never a good idea. You gotta stop the social media lurking babe”

“I know, I know” she sighs. “I didn’t mean to, I just saw some stuff on Twitter, and then I just kept following the comments. Nothing too heavy though, just…” she hesitates for a second, before admitting “just some fans talking about us”

“Oh really? Are people being absurd and disrespectful again?” He asked, smirking up at her.

She lets out a delighted laugh. “You are really never going to let that go are you?”

“Nope” he says, plucking the phone from her hand, throwing it aside, and rolling them until she’s trapped firmly under him “absolutely not”

Chapter Text

Melody

She listened again to the music he’d sent her, the latest idea for a verse that he and Zac had been working on. She’d instantly loved it, couldn’t believe how beautiful it was, how gentle and soothing. It was different for them, but it felt so right. She loved that their music was evolving, and that they were still finding new avenues to explore, new sides of themselves to expose through their songwriting.

The melody felt familiar to her - had she heard it before? As she listened to it again, she was suddenly struck with a memory of hearing Taylor play those same notes many years ago, when they were still teenagers. He’d brushed her off when she’d asked him about it, said it was nothing. And she’d let it go - probably too distracted by the latest band drama to really pay attention. Stupid her.

Hearing it now, she was overwhelmed with how much it made it her feel. Listening to it felt like floating. She once again struck by just how talented he was, and how lucky she was to get to create with him. To be given this beautiful canvas of music upon which to paint. She needed to do it justice, and write a melody and lyrics that would match this beautiful composition. She was terrified, unsure if she could live up to it, but she had to try.

She began to sing to herself quietly - “what was the moment, it’s hard to say”

Notice

“Your neck is hurting again isn’t it?”

So he’d noticed. She shouldn’t really be surprised. He was so perceptive, and he always kept an eye on her, watching out for her. Particularly because he knew that she wasn’t always good at looking after herself, at knowing when to admit something was wrong. She was learning to let him take care of her, getting better at accepting when she was struggling, and acknowledging when she needed something.   

“Yes” she admitted quietly, “I think I might have overdone it a bit tonight”

“Come on then, time to rest” he said, helping her up. 

He’d run her a bath, gently massage her shoulders, make her some tea, find her some painkillers, prepare a hot water bottle… whatever he could to help her relax and ease some of her pain. She did have to admit that it was nice to be so well looked after. 

Older

They were growing older together. And she was surprised by how little it scared her. She loved the extra wrinkles that had appeared around his eyes, which only served as a reminder of all the smiles he had sent her way, and the laughter they had shared over the years. And the flecks of grey that now peppered his hair, which actually she found incredibly sexy. They were changing, aging, but they were doing it together, and she couldn’t be happier to be on this journey with him.

She stood at the kitchen window, looking at her Granny and Grandat who sat on the porch together, hand in hand, laughing. Still so in love, after all these years.

She felt him come and stand behind her, then his arms snaking round her waist as he pulled her to lean back into him. “That’s gonna be us one day” she said, tilting her head to gaze up at him.

“I can’t wait” came his reply.

Peace

Her relationship with Taylor was so healthy . It was unlike anything she’d experienced before. Sure, they’d had a slightly bumpy road but she was so happy with where they’d ended up.

Yes, they disagreed from time to time. They did things that annoyed or upset each other. They had misunderstandings. Sometimes they’d raise their voices, or one of them would storm off, slamming a door. They were human! But their arguments never lasted long. Neither of them liked when they were fighting. They could never allow tension between them to linger, could never handle being apart for any length of time. They’d soon be seeking each other out, apologising, unpacking what had happened - and then inevitably making up (and they were really good at making up properly). But that was what being in a real relationship was - things wouldn’t always be perfect, but they’d work through their problems together.

Sometimes she still had to pinch herself, to check it was all real. Sometimes, on days when she was struggling a bit with life, it felt a little too good to be true. And yet he was always there to remind her that it was true. So those days were becoming fewer and fewer, as she settled into the comfort of knowing that this was forever.

So this is what it felt like - to have peace. At last.

Question

Everyone knew Taylor didn’t like to talk much in interviews. He’d actually prefer to avoid doing them altogether if he could help it. But it was part of the job, and he was always a team player. So, he was trying, really trying with this Q&A session, and god was he adorable as he fumbled his words, and blushed at the attention he was getting from the crowd. But he was doing pretty well, and actually seemed to be warming up a bit, even going so far as to send a few teasing comments her way. She had to remind herself that there were people watching, so she couldn’t give in to the urge to grab him and kiss away the smirk on his beautiful face. No, probably best not to do that in front of the fans (no matter how much they’d probably all love it). Later.

Ring

When he had proposed to her, getting down on one knee in front of her family on Christmas Eve, she’d said yes straight away. But not out of excitement, not because she couldn’t wait to be his wife. But because that’s what you said, when someone asked. Because that’s what everyone expected her to say. The ring he gave her was… fine. It wasn’t like she’d dreamed of the perfect ring, but she’d looked at it and felt… nothing. But she chalked it all up to simply not being that kind of girl.

When he slipped her wedding band on her finger, it felt cold and heavy. But that was just because it was new - she’d get used to it, right?

Taking the rings off had felt like freedom. She thought she’d never ever want to wear something like that again.

But now, all these years later, she found herself wondering. What would it be like to wear a ring on that finger again? A ring from Taylor.

Shampoo

Taylor chuckled softly as they lay curled up together, her head tucked into his neck, his nose in her hair, both of them enjoying being back in each other’s arms after his trip away.

“Hmm?” She murmured sleepily, nuzzling further into him.

“You used my shampoo again, didn’t you?”

“Maybe…” she lifted her head, and rested her chin on her chest to look at him. “I just really missed you, and your shampoo smells like you so…” she trailed off, suddenly feeling a little shy. “Sorry, do you mind?”

He blinked at her for a few seconds, before shaking his head with a slightly dazed smile. “How could I possibly mind that?”

Touch

She was quite a tactile person - always had been. When they were younger, she’d always been quite physical will all of her bandmates, joining in with their play fighting, quick to punch one of them in the arm when they teased her, as likely to pull one of them into a headlock as she was to be pulled in herself. It was how she tried to fit in, desperate to convince them she was ‘one of the guys’. If she noticed that Taylor was always a little more gentle with her than the others, she never said anything.

On stage, they’d always had their little moments together. He was the one she seemed to gravitate towards. She knew she came across as confident on stage, and mostly she was, but what people didn’t know what how much strength she drew from Taylor.

When they played Ignorance, they would hype each other up. She’d run to him, rest her head on his chest, or they’d press their heads against each other, and they’d let the energy build between them before unleashing it, unleashing themselves completely into the song.

When they slowed things down and sat quietly together, with him on his acoustic guitar, she felt so safe with him. She loved when they played like that. It felt like a little oasis of calm in the middle of the storm that was their shows. Even if it often made her emotional, particularly when they played 26. Having him by her side, being able to look across at him and know she wasn’t alone, meant everything  - she couldn’t help but reach out and rest her hand on his shoulder, his arm, a quiet demonstration of her gratitude, for all of it.

And now, at the end of Last Hope, a song that meant so much to both of them. The touch of his forehead to hers. She wasn’t sure who had started it, and it wasn’t something they’d ever explicitly discussed. It just… happened. Whether she walked to him, or he came to her, they knew they’d end the song together. A moment just for them.

Us

Hayley had dragged a slightly reluctant Taylor to the shops that weekend. They needed to actually start buying some more furniture for their house, which was so nearly ready now.

“Right, so what are we looking for?” She asked as they made their way into the intimidatingly large department store.

Taylor shrugged “Whatever you want Hayles, you know I’m not really bothered about this stuff.”

“No, not just whatever I want. You should input too. I want it to feel like us ” she said, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze. “It’s our house, T, our first proper home together. It’s not just us living together, it’s… it’s us building our life together.” She looked up at him, and found him staring down at her with that look in his eyes, the one that made her knees a little weak.

He ducked his head suddenly and captured her lips in a fierce kiss. It was brief, over before she’d even really registered what was happening - he was never one for public displays of affection, but sometimes he couldn’t help himself.

“Okay” he nodded, smiling at her slightly dazed face, then turning to survey the store. “Where shall we start?”

Voice

She missed the sound of his voice. It had been so long since she’d heard it. Months, that felt like years. She scoured her phone but she’d deleted any voicemails from him weeks ago, and he’d never been one to send voice notes. She could find videos of him online but he never talked that much and anyway it wasn’t that voice she was craving. The voice she longed for was the one that he used when it was just them. When he was softly whispering sweet words in her ear. His early morning rasp when they’d just woken up. The tone he would use when he told her he loved her. How he sounded when he - she shook her head, cutting off that train of thought. She couldn’t go there.

She should be trying to forget - to forget how it felt to have him, like that. If she wanted to keep him in her life… This was the choice she had made. Friends was all they could be, the only way to keep him safe from her, the only way to save herself from the pain of losing him altogether. So why did it hurt so much?

Wake

As she woke, she instinctively rolled to her left, arm stretching out. It was a reflex really, her body acting before her mind had properly woken up. In her hazy, not-quite-awake-yet state, she expected to reach out and find him there, next to her. To be able to curl into him, tuck herself into his warm embrace, and breathe him in. To feel his arms tightening around her, his chest rising and falling beneath her cheek, and hear his raspy early-morning voice greeting her.

That morning, just as she did every morning, she reached to the left. Where he used to be. But now there was nothing but cold, empty sheets. She closed her eyes again, and buried her face in her pillow. She wasn’t quite ready to face the world yet.

X

She stared down at the message she’d been writing and rewriting for the last ten minutes. It was just a text to Taylor, asking if he was free to catch up (/join her for a coffee date that wasn’t a date but also sort of was). It shouldn’t be difficult. But as she looked at the simple ‘Do you want to meet for coffee tomorrow? x’ , she suddenly wasn’t sure. Should she include the x? She didn’t usually put kisses at the end of her messages to him, but things were shifting between them. Lines starting to blur. And she liked how it felt, liked where it was maybe, hopefully going. So maybe a kiss was a fun, cute way of showing that. Or was it too much? She didn’t want to come on too strong.

She threw her phone down on the bed in frustration. It was ridiculous, she was acting like a teenager again! Why was she overthinking this so much? What was wrong with her?! She needed help.

You

She’s curled up on the sofa when he lets himself into her house. She hadn’t replied to his messages that day, which only added guilt to the many emotions swirling within her. It was just one of those days where the world felt a bit too much. She’d missed him, but hadn’t known how to reply to him, what to say to explain how she was feeling.

“Bad day?” He asks quietly, slipping off his shoes and making his way over to her.

She sighs, relieved at how easy he made it. He didn’t need a long explanation, he just knew, and he understood. Of course he did. “Bad day.” She replies.

He sits down next to her, and tentatively lifts his arm - offering her comfort, if she wants it, but not wanting to presume. She immediately leans in to him, because now that he’s here she realises this is exactly what she’s been craving. He presses a kiss to her temple, and slowly starts to runs his fingers through her hair. The action soothes her, and she feels some of the tension she’s carrying in her body start to slowly ebb away.

“Need anything?” He murmurs softly.

“No. Just you.”

“I’m right here.”

Zip

“T, can you help me with this dress?” She called downstairs. She was getting ready for drinks with the girls, making the most of their brief stint at home between tours. She was running late, as usual. She stood in front of the mirror, brushing some rouge on her cheeks. She wished Brian was here to help.

“Hayles, you need something?” She heard Taylor’s voice as he walked up the stairs, approaching their bedroom. She didn’t turn from the mirror, where she was carefully applying some lipstick.

“Hi, great, look can you just…” she gestured to her back where the dress hung open, done up as far as she could reach “I can’t get the last bit, can you do it for me please?”

She felt his fingers brush along her back, gently caressing the bare skin. She felt the zipper move, but not in the direction she was expecting. She looked up and felt a jolt of electricity as their eyes met in the mirror.

“T. W-what are you doing? I’m already late” she stammered half-heartedly, making no attempt to actually stop him.

“You can’t possibly expect me to zip the dress up when you look this good…”