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The non-stop sweats rolled down and framed Jeon Wonwoo’s sharp jawline, the trembles on his hand were meant to be the never ending process, the tears of his grief can’t stop escaping it’s prison, his heartbeat punched the shackle around his chest—it keep getting louder and louder each second. His voice still shaking with fear, his knee felt so weak that he could fall apart at any time right now. His steps getting louder and louder as the crowds of his colleague approached him and gave Jeon Wonwoo a high-five and thousand times of ‘you did your best’ sentences, Jeon Wonwoo covered it up with a streak of upside down frown and a single ‘thank you’ for his teammates that always had their shoulder for Jeon Wonwoo. Jeon Wonwoo was given a chance to perform with one of the Seoul Music Award winner. It was an honor to him, but he couldn’t help to feel ridiculously nervous. When the lights focused on him, his body won’t stop throbbing. His confidence slipped, and he made some mistakes. He already broke Seventeen’s name in front of the entire Korean music industries. Imaginary insults about him had been running around his brain and his head felt a decent ache he never been into. He wanted to please his teammates and show them that could do it in smooth.
But it wasn’t enough. it is not enough for Jeon Wonwoo. He didn’t want to disappoint all of his teammates because a lot of mistakes that he did. Being showered by the limelight isn’t what he wanted if all he faced after is just a face of unfulfilled expectations from the talented Jeon Wonwoo. He changed his outfit into the Seventeen uniform and joined Seventeen to watched another artist on Seoul Music Awards in hope that the grief he hid would fade away. But the fortune fairy wasn’t on his side that night, his regret refused to sleep. He kept resisting the urge to burst out from this tightness inside. There was always a time when all of the attention of Seventeen focused on the stage, and Jeon Wonwoo would free some of the tears that had been punched his eye to go out, and he would wipe it right away so his eye makeup won’t smudge.
That award night was long enough to make the whole form of Jeon Wonwoo exhausted. When they arrived at their dorm sweet dorm, they take turns to bathe and wash their face from the make-up shield that had been sitting on their face. Jeon Wonwoo took the last place so he could calm down with warm water without worrying about the others. After the warm bath, his whole body felt no better. The wound of disappointing the whole group still latched perfectly on Jeon Wonwoo’s chest. The pressure inside got a rid of his confidence and clean it up without a single trace left. He changed into his favorite oversized gray sweater that covered all of his fingers in order to feel more comfortable and climbed up to his bed that placed on the upper bunk. The night felt colder than ever, and Jeon Wonwoo can’t sleep when all of his brothers already went deep to their own dreamland. Jeon Wonwoo kept thinking about his mistakes. The melancholy engulfed his self-esteem once more and the image of himself slipped his own tongue on the stage showered by the public eye terrified him like the endless freefall. Jeon Wonwoo decided to go out and let go of all his buried agony.
So here is Jeon Wonwoo, in the middle of pitch-dark living room. His knee supported his forehead, with a pillow that muted his cry. It’s not an easy task for Jeon Wonwoo to battle with his own gloom. He could feel it clearly from how easy his tears to form a lake on the pillow. He gripped onto the hem of his sleeve and it was easily torn apart. Jeon Wonwoo is mad with himself that he can’t do his responsibility properly. Jeon Wonwoo lost a control over himself, his free hand started to pull out his jet black hair. Jeon Wonwoo wanted to scream until his voice chord couldn’t produce any sound again. It was his pride that fall apart into pieces in the eye of almost everyone in the entire Korea. But a warm palm grabbed Jeon Wonwoo’s wrist to stop him from hurting himself.
Jeon Wonwoo’s slanted eye that filled with so uncontainable tears and redness were looking at the younger man in front of him that came out after realizing that one of his roommates was sitting on the couch and bathed in melancholy. It’s someone that sleeps on the lower bunk of their bed, someone that ridiculously close to Jeon Wonwoo, someone that know him too well. His face covered in worries as if he couldn’t believe the situation he saw right in his eyes right now. Lighted by a beam of sheer lighting peeking through the curtains, Jeon Wonwoo finally could tell who’s trying to stop himself from doing anything stupid.
“Mingyu-ah…” Jeon Wonwoo’s face scrunched his face in misery once more. Without any words, Kim Mingyu put his hands to wrap the older man in front of him inside his embrace. Without hesitation Jeon Wonwoo tightly held onto Kim Mingyu—not wanting that man to release his embracement from tears coated Jeon Wonwoo. Chest against chest, Kim Mingyu could feel how Jeon Wonwoo’s heart beats fast in agitation. Every inch of Jeon Wonwoo’s figure tremble in fear, and Kim Mingyu made it so easy to stop the fear that haunted him. He drifted his mild palm on Jeon Wonwoo’s back—drove away all of his dark clouds.
The gentle fingers of Seventeen’s personal hair stylist started to lose inside Jeon Wonwoo’s locks and arranged it in a beautiful form again while his other hand wandered around the currently down friend in front of him—stopping the thunderstorm above Jeon Wonwoo’s head. Jeon Wonwoo spilled all of his worries, regrets, anger, and tears over Kim Mingyu. He caressed Jeon Wonwoo’s temple in a slow melody. He hummed a lullaby to his Hyung and patted the sad man’s back along with the rhythm. Kim Mingyu wiped the remaining tears and the grief trace on Jeon Wonwoo’s face with a gentle smile of Kim Mingyu. He could feel a faint shiver on Jeon Wonwoo’s face. He drifted his soft fingertips around Jeon Wonwoo’s facial features to lower the tension and trembles on his face. Forehead against forehead, no words exchanged, just a silent breath and breathe, with a symphonic heartbeat pounded in sync. There’s no need for Kim Mingyu to asked what’s wrong in such a bitter situation, all he had to do is to make the man in front of him stopped worrying and hurting himself.
“I’ll be here whenever you need me.” Kim Mingyu’s word isn’t a medicine for Jeon Wonwoo—it’s a spell. It works right after he put a period at the end of his finished sentence. Jeon Wonwoo nodded in the state of his body already eased down.
“Sleep tight okay, Hyung?” Kim Mingyu said before he kissed the forehead of Jeon Wonwoo. That kiss lasted really long until Kim Mingyu felt the heartbeat of Jeon Wonwoo calmed down. The black haired man put his chin on the broad shoulder of the younger man in front of him. He is Jeon Wonwoo’s definition of home, shelter, and everything where the safest sound belongs to. Jeon Wonwoo felt the delicate fingers of Kim Mingyu started to make circles on his back. Jeon Wonwoo’s vision finally drifted in drowsiness just in a matter of seconds.
“You did your best. No one is disappointed, Hyung.” Kim Mingyu held the cold Jeon Wonwoo closer to the core of his warmth.
Kim Mingyu kissed the top of Jeon Wonwoo’s head. He could hear a slight steady breath of Jeon Wonwoo sleeping. He carried the skinny man figure to his bed on the lower bunk and covered him with a warm blanket. Kim Mingyu were about to climb up and sleep on Jeon Wonwoo’s bed when he felt his fingers clasped with Jeon Wonwoo’s. The freezing fingertips of Jeon Wonwoo tangled around Kim Mingyu’s. Jeon Wonwoo needed his warmth and care. The younger man smiled and position himself beside the stiff Jeon Wonwoo, and caressed Jeon Wonwoo’s fingertips so he could feel the warmth and love he deserves.
“Thank you, Mingyu,” The tired man said in his sleep, either feeling when Kim Mingyu will leave the gap between his fingers or the result of his never-ending regret today. Yet still, Kim Mingyu fulfilled his Hyung’s. The moon kept shining as if it was the sun even though the dark night won’t end. In the middle of his hollow nights, a dash of happiness become a guest between the 1 a.m shadow—bring back the definition of joy, a bag full of laughter, and a thousand words worth of wise poems for the upcoming tiring day of Jeon Wonwoo.
“Please stay with me, Mingyu.”