Work Text:
Sometimes Hanbin wants things he can’t have.
His sister’s ice cream.
A different body.
To hold Hao’s hand and have everyone understand, exactly, what they mean to each other.
It’s not impossible, you could argue, to have these things. There’s just a price.
His sister’s tears.
His health.
Hao and his entire lives.
So he restrains himself. He lets go of desire, or tries to at least. Ignores the thrush of want that screams in his veins.
Hao notices. Or perhaps he feels it too. That same greed that could destroy them both.
They watch dramas together, sometimes, watch a couple dance together and kiss without any consequence to who’s watching, and wonder: why can’t it be like that?
Occasionally Hao toes the line, tests the boundaries of what can be said. Speaks adashley all the words Hanbin wishes he could say out loud, but with a joking, teasing tone, just enough for deniability.
They hold hands, even if not everyone understands what it means.
Hao finds him back stage while they’re changing, a necklace in hand, drapes himself across Hanbin’s back and pulls the chain across his neck, tightening the links until it’s taut, fingers teasing sensitive skin.
They’re not alone, so he doesn’t kiss him, though Hanbin feels the phantom memory of lips all the same. His fingers brush against the cool metal and round red bead as he looks up into Hao’s eyes, his lips falling open even if he doesn’t speak.
I’m yours , he knows Hao hears nonetheless, by the way his eyes soften in quiet satisfaction.
Even if no one else knows, they do.
And that’s enough. It has to be.