Chapter Text
“So he was your father figure?”
I sigh exasperated. She still wasn’t getting it.
“No, he was the love of my life. My number one.”
I sit in silence as the woman across the room types enthusiastically. I hate when she does that. I hate sitting in this room for an hour. I hate therapy overall.
“So, he was the love of your life and he was also,” she flipped back in her notes, “five years older than you? You met when you were 13 and he was 18?”
I crack a smile. “Well, when you put it like that doc, it sounds worse than it was”
I shift, pulling my feet up onto the sofa, my chin resting on my knees.
“It happened gradually. It wasn’t like it was love at first sight. He was my new friend’s brother and had just gotten custody of her after their mom died. I liked Carly because she was immune to my bullshit and she liked me because I didn’t treat her like a fragile doll because she had a dead mom.”
I close my eyes before speaking again, not wanting to see the look on this lady’s face. “I didn’t tell her that sometimes a dead mom is better than a mom who loves whiskey more than her kids.”
I pull my chin away from my knees, with my eyes still closed. “As my new friend became my best friend, her brother became my friend as well. Spencer played the drums and he painted. And I loved being his friend and hanging out, how he didn’t treat us like nuisances and his friends let us hang out with them sometimes.”
I open my eyes and stare at the clock on the wall. “Until one day about 6 months after I met them…”
~
“Ashley is coming over later, is that still cool?” Spencer asked, as he stared at himself in the mirror.
I made a face at Carly. “Fucking Ashley. Why?”
“Spencer liiiiiikes her. Can’t you tell? He’s like a twelve year old, twirling his hair around her.”
“Shut up! Be cool.”
My stomach twisted. Spencer liked Ashley? Fucking Ashley? She was so annoying. But she was pretty and all the guys liked her so I guess it made sense Spencer did too. I was happy for him. I was. I didn’t know why I felt sick all of a sudden.
Carly puckered her lips at her brother and made kissing noises. “The walls aren’t that thick, Spence. I hear you at night.”
He gasped. “When I’m watching Star Trek reruns?”
Carly giggled, her cheeks turning red. “No…when you take your 45 minute showers.”
Now everyone’s faces were red.
I jumped up. “I’ve gotta go. I’ve got… something. An appointment? For my ointment!”
They both stared at me as I rushed out the door.
The last thing I heard before the door closed was Spencer saying, “How is she getting ointment without us? I’m committing insurance fraud for her goddamn Accutane.”
~
The therapist, fuck I’ve got to remember her name, shuffles through some paperwork. “But, uh, Sam, you are…currently insured, correct?”
I snort. “Yes, lady. In the ten years since that happened, I got my own insurance.”
“So you were upset that he liked this girl?”
“I was upset because everyone in the world liked Ashley and no one liked me. I was thirteen and that was all I cared about. All anyone cared about.”
Sighing, I roll my neck and check the clock again. Still too much time left.
“I don’t think I even realized I liked him at the time. I didn’t know I was allowed to like an older guy you knew in real life. I thought my options were the freak in my math class or like, Orlando Bloom. Both guys I would never in a million years be with.”
She clicks her pen a few times. “Yes, you were allowed to like him but he wasn’t allowed to like you back.”
“Jesus…”
“I’m just saying.”
I roll my eyes. “Thank you for stating the obvious.”
“So what happened when he started dating Ashley?”
Smiling, I blink at this moron of a therapist. “Whoever said he ended up dating Fucking Ashley?”
~
Hiking my backpack up onto my shoulders, I knocked on the apartment door. Spencer opened it, his toothbrush sticking out of his mouth.
“Tham! Carwy innit hewe.”
I wrinkled my nose. “I don’t speak toothbrush-ese, Spence.”
“I said, Carly isn’t here.”
My stomach dropped. Well fuck. “Oh, shit, okay. I’ll come back later, I guess.”
He shakes his head. “She’s gone for the weekend. I’m trying to hook up with Ashley. She didn’t tell you?”
“No… No, she didn’t. Okay, well, shit, okay. Uhhh, see you later then.”
As I turned to leave, my stomach let out a massive rumble. I coughed, hoping that will distract Spencer. I heard the door creaking open more so I started moving faster. He will not call my name. He will not call my name. He will not call my name.
“Sam?”
Dammit.
“Spencer?”
“Are you hungry?”
“You know me, I’m always hungry!”
“Okay, yeah, I know but. Are you like, hungry? You know. Like before?”
He’s always so awkward when he has to talk about real problems. Like, yeah my mom hasn’t bought us food in weeks and I’m still too young to get a job so I can provide for myself. So what if I fainted at school a few months back and the only person they could reach was Spencer and I was weak and told him the truth? It was funny watching eighteen year old Spencer yell at my mom. She didn’t even know who he was. I bet with one more shot of whiskey, she would forget who I was too. That was when Spencer gave me my own key to their apartment and told me they didn’t even eat that much so I was welcome any time to eat their food.
I never used that key.
“Yeah, it’s like before but don’t worry. I’ll go somewhere else, you have Ashley to prepare for.”
He ran his fingers through his hair. “Sammy… I care about your well-being more than I care about maybe getting to second base tonight.”
I shook my head, walking back to the door. “I’ll just grab some shit and go. Crackers, and chips maybe.” I brushed past him. “And Spencer, don’t call me Sammy again.”
He grinned. “Sammmmmmyyyyy.”
I head to the cabinet, grabbing a sleeve of crackers.
“Wait.”
I drop the crackers. Did he change his mind? Can I not have their food anymore? My mind whirls, trying to figure out where I could get some food for the next few days. “What?”
He’s still standing in the doorway, toothbrush in his hand, dripping onto the floor. “Let me cook for you. And you can just stay here this weekend. I don’t want you to go home to your mom when she clearly can’t take care of you?”
I glare at him. “And you can take care of me?”
“Better than she can.”
My gaze softened. “Spence, I can’t do that. You have a free weekend and Ashley to woo.”
In all the time we had been talking, I guess it had become the time Spencer had told Ashley to show up at the apartment. And because he was standing in the open doorway, anyone who arrived could hear exactly what was being said. So, I saw Ashley walking up right as Spencer spoke.
“I already told you, fuck Ashley.”
“EXCUSE ME? Fuck who? ME?”
Spencer’s face turns white as he spins around.
I grab the crackers again and sprint up the stairs. “Good luck Spence, I think you’re gonna need it!”
~
I can tell the moron therapist is trying not to laugh. “That is the most unfortunate timing.”
“Well, everything turned out fine for me so it was fortunate for me.”
She purses her lips. “Aren’t you here because everything, in fact, did not turn out fine for you?”
I suppress the urge to stick my tongue out at her. I’m 24, that would be completely immature.
I look at the clock again and silently cheer. She must see the look on my face and where my gaze is directed because she looks at the clock as well.
“Ah, yes. It does seem like our time is up.” She stands up, gently pulling down her skirt. “Does the same time next week work for you?”
I groan internally. “Do you think I need to come back?”
She stares at me. “Sam, we haven’t even discussed the meat of your issues. You just told me two stories from before you and Spencer started dating.”
“Uh uh! We never even dated. It was just-” I clap my hands over my mouth. Fuuuuck.
“Well. Either way, I believe that you should return next week.”
I hang my head in resignation. “Fine. Yes, I’ll come back.”
“Excellent. I can’t wait to see you again.”
“That makes one of us.” I mutter.
~
“Why on earth would you invite me over if you were just insulting me to that…twelve year old?”
I almost jumped off the landing of the second story to kill her. Twelve? I just turned fourteen! She literally signed my birthday card.
I know I shouldn’t have been eavesdropping but she was yelling so loud, it was unavoidable. Should I have just gone into Carly’s room and turned on some music to give them privacy? Maybe but I’m nosy.
“She’s not twelve, Ashley. And I didn’t plan on her being here, she’s having a bad day and I’m basically all she’s got.”
“I don’t give a shit what kind of day she had. What if I had a bad day too and I wanted to come over, get drunk and maybe suck you off. But now, I’ll go home and call one of MANY guys who do want my mouth on their dick. I hope you’re happy hanging out with children instead of hooking up with me.” She punctuated that with slamming the door behind her.
I sat back, pressing my back against the stair railing. I’ve always hated Ashley but she’s always seemed fine enough, never a real bitch just a little condescending. But that was brutal to listen to. I looked at the crackers in my hand. Should I take them and go? Leave Spencer alone? I was about to get up and start walking down the stairs when I heard him crying. Spencer crying? Holy shit, I did need to leave.
I started creeping down the stairs and I saw him on the couch, his head in his hands. I stopped behind the couch, hesitating. Was I supposed to say something? I wasn’t good with sad people, not even Carly. I didn’t even know he liked Ashley that much.
I tiptoed up next to him and sat down. I put my hand on his shoulder, uncertain. He grabbed my hand, gripping it. So, yes, this was the right thing to do. It felt good to comfort him. It felt good when he touched me.