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“Caroling, Caroling through the snow!” Robin chirped as she trudged up a hill with Nancy. “Caroling, caroling–oof!”
Nancy stopped when Robin’s voice suddenly cut off, muffled by snow. She turned to see her face down in a pile of drift snow. Not again. She sighed and pulled her up. They were finally almost home, but the journey was taking so long with all the snow and ice, and Robin’s clumsiness was doing them no favors.
“Honey, we’ve still got another day of practice before we go and do this for real, in conditions likely worse than this,” Nancy told her. “Are you sure about this?”
“Yeeeees!” Robin declared as she kept walking. “I’m sure. Really.”
“We can make other plans,” Nancy reminded her.
She was worried now. Maybe this was because of the comments they’d overheard about Robin recently while on a trip to get groceries together. Nancy had hoped Robin didn’t notice, but by the time she got her away from the scene, it was too late and her shoulders had slumped. Internally, she cursed whatever gods their were for their shitty luck that day. Externally, she had done her best to reassure Robin, but she wasn’t sure if any of it had gotten through to her or not. She really couldn’t blame her, not after hearing:
‘She’s kind of clumsy, isn’t she? How did she get accepted?’
‘A real mystery, but perhaps her supposed ROOMMATE can answer that.’
‘Roommate? Two women rooming together? Alone? Now that’s suspicious.’
‘Not to mention she’s unreliable, forgetful, can’t hold down a job to save her life. Hah. Lazy. Kids these days…’
It had taken everything Nancy had not to fight those gossiping women in the next aisle over. Their voices had carried considerably, and she was certain if they had known Robin was just a few feet away, they would’ve kept their mouths shut and pretended to be friendly, likely churchgoing women. That just made her loathe them even more.
“Nance?” Robin waved her hand in front of her face. “You got the key? I forgot mine again.”
Nancy blinked and unlocked the front door. She knew she had to talk to Robin, really talk, before she did something to hurt herself. She didn’t want her to go such lengths to prove she could be someone she wasn’t. That broke her heart more than anything. She wanted Robin to know that she was perfect the way she was. Even if she was a forgetful weird runner who held way too much information in her head about various languages she barely used in day to day life. Especially because of that.
“Nancy?” Robin asked again. “Are you mad at me? You seem mad. Or something. I dunno. Did I do something wrong?”
“I’m not mad at you ,” Nancy replied as she shrugged out of her oversized coat.
“But you are mad,” Robin murmured. “What’s wrong?”
“I know you’re just trying so hard to be someone you’re not.” Nancy kicked off her boots and sighed. “Those ladies…the other day…”
“I’m fine,” Robin insisted. “You don’t need to worry about me.”
“Need…”
Nancy shook her head and disappeared into their bedroom. She felt Robin following her before she heard her. She wasn’t surprised by this. She realized after a moment that Robin was waiting for her to elaborate. How the hell was she supposed to explain? She felt this insatiable need to make sure Robin was looked after.
“Need?” Robin repeated in confusion in the doorway. “Nance, you don’t need to worry about me all the time. I can take care of myself. I’m not…an injured puppy. I know that’s how you look at me.”
“Force of habit,” Nancy replied lightly, even though all she wanted to do in that moment was cry. She wasn’t sure what to do with herself if she wasn’t doing something to protect Robin.
“It’s okay,” Robin assured her.
Nancy didn’t feel any pressure release when Robin squeezed her hand, but she smiled at her anyway. It was important that she didn’t worry her, no matter what. It was important that Robin felt like she was helping. It wasn’t her fault that she wasn’t able to. Nancy had no one to blame besides herself, really. For, why was she more upset about that incident than Robin appeared to be? Maybe because deep down—
If they find out, it could easily be me they’re whispering about next.
“Nance,” Robin said, bringing her back to reality again. “It’s okay. I promise.”
She finally met eyes with Robin. If she knew they were the same, would this still work? Would she still be of any use to this girl? Would she still…be wanted at all? Robin’s hands holding hers finally quieted some of the storm.
“Come on, talk to me,” Robin whispered.
“It’s just…” Nancy chose her next words carefully, as if there was anyone in this house besides the two of them to listen. “People always find a reason to hate us, you know? It doesn’t matter what we do to play their games, the rules always seem to change, or you misread something in a language you never learned how to read.”
“Yeah.” Robin nodded, a flicker of understanding in her eyes. “So you’ve finally noticed, huh?”
“You did too?”
Nancy could only stare at her. How obvious was it? Fuck. And here she thought she’d been so good at this game, but perhaps she hadn’t been good at all.
“Yeah, but it’s not a bad thing. I promise. If you don’t want do this..or do want to do this…I’m right behind you. Together or not at all.”
The storm had long since left now. Nancy felt like she could think again. There was only one thing left to do, then. She smiled at Robin and grabbed the sheet music to practice one last time.
“Dashing through the snow…”
The remainder of their afternoon was spent in a fit of giggles over the song choices and Robin’s ever growing obsession over candy canes.