Chapter Text
It was surprising to see the two these days, Kieran and Bill that is. Ever since Kieran had been captured Bill had been… well, for lack of a better word, an absolute ass. From the yelling, the whole thing with the snippers… Kieran didn’t like to think about it all. And in all truth, nor did Bill. But that’s how all of this started. With Bill being horrible to Kieran out of fear of accepting what he was. That being that he was attracted to *Kieran*. A man. And not just any man, but an *O’Driscoll. * How had he let this happen? And what would the gang do to him if they found out? He didn’t want to know. So, he made a little story, showed a little hate. It was working out fine for him for a while.
“What’re you thinking about, hm?” came a chirping voice from in front of him. Still sounding like that man tied to the tree, but a bit more confident. Bill commonly did this. He’d finish his work in the early morning just so he could sit around, drink, and be near Kieran. Their whole relationship, if one could even call it that, was new to both of them. Only having lasted about a month so far. But it was smooth walking the whole way. Mostly. It started with a lot of yelling and confusion from Bill, it could only ever really be described as toxic. As much as he did end up loving him, Kieran still started off pretty scared. But after a lot of chats with the women Bill ended up softer. If not a bit *too* soft with Kieran, worried about making him scared again. Like his father had done when he was just a boy.
“Thinkin’ about? Oh, nothing, nothing,” Bill waved a dismissive hand to Kieran, still cradling a bottle in the other hand. He wasn’t thinking much. Not really. He preferred just watching for now. If he could he’d be whisking Kieran away from those damned horses and demanding attention from him. Thinking too much about it would get him back into that ugly place where he’d yell and fight and that’s not what he wanted for Kieran. So, he settled for just watching Kieran look after the horses. He looked peaceful as he brushed through their manes. Sometimes even taking the time to braid their tails if they trusted him enough. It was sweet. “You need any help?”
There was a certain look in Kieran’s eyes after Bill had asked that. Confusion, surprise, and interest. He eventually gave a nod before he took Bill’s hand. Despite being a big, burly man, Bill could feel the heat in his cheeks as he followed behind Kieran to his own horse. Brown Jack and Bill were certainly a good match for a horse and rider. The horse had been with him since his army days, a long while now. They shared a good relationship, as all horses and their riders should. Though Brown Jack rarely fully trusted anyone else. He remembered when the horse had kicked Micah’s leg out from underneath him. He was a smart horse. Knew how to hurt without doing so terribly. Micah and John just happened to be his two least favourites within the camp. But Kieran? Well, clearly he trusted Bill’s new lover as much as Bill did. And to say Bill felt like a proud father finding a good partner his kid liked would be an understatement.
“Would you uh… would you like to learn to braid his mane?” Kieran asked, doing that weird thing he always did with his hands. In all honesty, he kind of looked like a mouse in Bill’s eyes. Not in a bad way, it was actually rather cute to him. Maybe a racoon with his he clenched his fists and played around with his fingers. He was always fidgeting with one of his hands, Bill had learned not to grab both his hands. Or his arms that is. One was always fine, but to grab both was too far. He could tell that the tree had affected him more than it would’ve most folk because of it. He’d always come off as a bit of a weird guy, Bill wasn’t sure if it was because of his capture or if he just happened to be like that. But either way, he didn’t judge him for it. Just watched in fascination.
“I uh… I wouldn’t be opposed. I dunno if ol’ Brown Jack’d like it much though.”
“I-I’ve done it before. He doesn’t mind so long as it’s not in overnight,” Kieran simply continued to brush out Brown Jack’s main before he glanced to Bill. Eventually he passed the brush to Bill, nodding his head to Brown Jack and encouraging him to start brushing. Which Bill began to do soon after he was instructed to. It’d been a while since he’d last brushed his horse, mostly because Kieran seemed to get along with him so well he liked watching the two of them bond. “Now you gotta separate a little bit of hair. Go this back bit,” Kieren instructed, separating a small chunk of hair for Bill before pulling him closer.
Kieran continued explaining what he was supposed to do, but to Bill it was all just word vomit. He was enjoying watching how his fingers moved with such grace and familiarity. A man knowing how to braid hair was a rare thing, but he was pretty sure he recalled seeing Mary-Beth teaching him how to do it. He had to admit, he didn’t particularly like Mary-Beth. She felt more like competition than anything else to Bill. For Kieran, of course. She’d always be prettier, softer, a *woman*. But he tried not to let the thoughts get to him, instead he focused on Kieran. “You learned how to do that real fast- “he said, eyebrows shooting up for a second as he chuckled in disbelief. It was impressive how quick Kieran seemed to learn, and it was one of the many things that drew him in.
“It’s you’re turn to do it now then, try it,” Kieran gave a small, sweet smile that had Bill swooning once more. The main thing he hated about this relationship was how slow Kieran wanted to take it. He didn’t want all the other gang members to be in the know about what they were. That they loved each other and were in a relationship. Bill didn’t want them knowing either, obviously. The gang could be brutal. He didn’t want them to see him as weak, he wasn’t weak. He swore he wasn’t. That’s why he was glad not many people were at the camp today. Three drunkards (not including himself), and five ladies or so. And John of course, but he was always hiding somewhere, never paying attention to the others in the camp. Unless it was Abigail yelling at him or he was harassing one of the other ladies. But otherwise, that was about it.
“Me? Right…” Bill swallowed; he wasn’t made for being gentle. Everyone knew that. Hell, even the damned horse knew that. Even so, he grabbed the three strands Kieran had already been braiding and began to try and copy his movements. Though it wasn’t really working out, bringing up the horrible feeling Bill always got when he was failing at something. It made him angry, violent. He couldn’t help it. It’s how he’d been raised, an angry father, an uncaring mother. He was like most men his age. He just had more scars to prove what he said. “I can’t do it.”
“Sure, you can, pull them apart a bit. Make it tighter,” there was something in the way Kieran spoke that made Bill soften up. But it didn’t stop him from ripping his hands away from Brown Jack’s hair and storming off to get yet another drink. Leaving Kieran with a sad, disappointed look on his face before he simply let Bill go. He knew when he needed space.
~~
It wasn’t until later that night that Kieran and Bill both spoke again, but it was clear Bill had been on edge since the earlier incident. It was just the two of them sitting at one of the smaller fires on the edge of camp, knees touching despite both of them keeping a reasonable distance.
Then he moved.
Kieran made the first move, placing a hand on Bill’s back and gently rubbing it. Though they both sat in silence. Bill nursing a beer, and Kieran following his vow to never drink again despite Bill constantly trying to convince him to do so. As well as a few of the others.
Bill leaning over a bit, his head resting on Kieran’s as he just stared into the fire. Taking comfort in all of this, even if it was new to him. This kind of gentle love was something he’d never experienced before, but he liked it. He was a big, burly man. Larger than Kieran for sure. But Kieran still treated him gently, like he’d always wanted he was just a boy. He thought he didn’t deserve it. So, he just turned mean. But here he was, being proved wrong by his lover yet again.
“I don’t understand why you treat me so good; I was never good to you… I’m terrible,” Bill spoke with a regretful tone, he hated himself more than he let on, but he knew that Kieran saw through all of it these days, “I’m like a big boar or a hog, just big and hairy and I hurt… but you’re sweeter. Like- oh I dunno.. like this little mouse my cousin used to own.”
Bill looked at Kieran, expecting an answer to his dumb rant. He wasn’t even sure if he made any sense. He knew he was drunk, probably slurring his words at this rate. But Kieran didn’t answer. Not a single word came in response to Bill. Only the feeling of a head leaning against his shoulder, an arm around his waist. He wanted to cry. He couldn’t explain the reason exactly. But something about this just felt so perfect. He’d decided he’d be good from now on. At least, he’d try to be better. That was the vow he’d made. Even going to far as to throw his bottle over at a tree across from him, listening to the smash it made. Glass spraying everywhere.
This was nice. Relaxing. Soon enough his arm had wrapped around Kieran and they both sat at the fire for a little bit longer. Everyone else was starting to go to bed, and he knew that Kieran would want to sleep as well. He could already see his eyelids flickering. So, the two men stood up and walked to the small tent they’d put up together, just to be with one another without anyone seeing, and they laid down.
However, for the first time, Bill wrapped his arms around Kieran. For the first time the two of them were going to hold each other while they slept, something they’d both been far too scared of for a long time.
But even with that fear, Kieran didn’t push away. And Bill had no second thoughts. Instead, Kieran wrapped an arm around Bill and began falling asleep. Bill nuzzled into Kieran’s hair, who still smelled of horses as sweat. Something Bill had grown rather used to. Bad smells were something they were all accustomed to. They were outlaws after all. And baths costed. Bill gave all his profits to the camp. Unlike some people. Like Arthur and John and god knows who else. But now wasn’t the time for worrying about issues like that. He’d made a plan for tomorrow. He was going to braid Branwen’s hair for him. And he’d love it, surely. He’d seen Branwen with her hair done so many times now. Maybe he could have a go at it again. Just for Kieran. He deserved that much at least. Bill had treated him terribly, and this was just the first of many plans he’d made to say sorry for everything he’d done.