Work Text:
James woke in the night to a huffing sound, emanating across the room. He donned his glasses and squinted into the darkness to see Sirius tossing and turning in bed next to Remus, who was slowly stirring.
“Lumos” James whispered, holding his wand up. Even in the dim light, he could see a light sweat glistening on his friend’s skin.
“what’s going on?” Peter breathed from his bed next to James’.
“I don’t know” James replied, worried. Remus was now sitting up, a strangled look on his face as he held Sirius gently. Sirius’ dark hair was a mop on the sheets, tangled from rubbing against the bedding. His eyebrows were pulled together and a tight frown locked his plump lips into a thin line as he slept restlessly. His breathing seemed to pick up, wheezes escaping from his chest. Remus put his hands on his shoulders and lightly hushed at him, trying not to wake the boy.
James glanced at Peter, to his left who was also sitting up, his wand illuminated, his face contorted with concern. Pete glanced over and pursed his lips, giving James a knowing look, which James reciprocated. It was another nightmare. The group knew that Sirius sometimes had inescapable episodes of painful series of memories. They did not however know much of how to cease or avoid them.
Sirius was now panting quickly, tears rolling down his face, staining his pillow, Remus was also welling up, and at the blurriness of his vision, James gathered that he was too.
In a sudden jolt, Sirius jerked upright in the bed, his eyes breaking open and widening as he cried out, breaking the room’s silence. He then began to heave, his entire body shaking, tears now streaming down the sides of his face and neck. Remus wrapped his arms around him,
“Hey, it’s ok, I’ve got you, I’m here” he spoke, voice shaking. Sirius bent over in his lover’s arms, sobbing and gasping for air. He yelled a few more times, as if trying to push the dream away, out of his mind for good. His hands were in a white-knuckle grip on Remus’ arm, his face squeezing into a pitiful grimace. James found himself pulling his blankets back, marching over to sit on the edge of Remus’ bed, Peter following.
None of them seemed to know what to say. This had happened before, mostly when Sirius slept, but occasionally during the day, or even in class. He would get this odd look on his face as if he was seeing something that wasn’t there, his hands would start trembling and his breathing would become quick and shallow. In these cases, his friends would take him somewhere calm and try their best to comfort him until it passed. He was never the same afterward though. He normally only went back to his usual goofy self hours, if not days later.
They had tried taking him to Madam Pomfrey, but she was a doctor, not a psychologist. Granted, she tried her best to help, but in the end, she was just about as good as James was in understanding how or even what to do with the poor boy. The group couldn’t get him to talk much about it either. They knew it always had something to do with his childhood, the sixteen years he spent in the hellhole that was the house he grew up in. Sometimes, during his episodes he would yell ‘no, don’t’ or ‘please, I didn’t mean to’ or something along those lines. Sometimes, he would reach for his legs or try to cover his face while trying his best to stifle his sobs.
Sirius didn’t think James knew, but James was very aware of the physical abuse his mother had put him through. Not until Sirius moved in with him did he notice the fine, uniform, horizontal cuts littering the backs of his calves, ranging from the insides of his knees all the way down to his ankles. James also knew of the other, nearly identical cuts on his thighs which he tried even harder to conceal. However these cuts weren’t from his mother. No, these cuts were entirely different.
James was presently holding Sirius’ clenched hand, while the young boy breathed shakily, slowly overcoming the misery of his dream. Remus held his head against his chest, letting Sirius listen to his steady heartbeat. Peter was gently rubbing Sirius’ shoulder, a comforting smile on his face. When Sirius looked at him, he seemed to calm a little more, closing his eyes, and exhaling deeply. James looked at Remus to see that he too had his eyes closed, tear stains streaking his cheeks.
“You okay now, mate?” James asked softly, trying not to rush recovery. Sirius sighed.
“Yeah, I think so,” he opened his eyes to look at James, “Gosh, I love you guys,” he breathed.
“We love you too, mate,” Pete replied.
Remus moved to give Sirius a kiss on the cheek, smiling gingerly. “Let’s go back to sleep, yeah? Tomorrow’s the weekend, I’ll take you to Honeydukes and you can pick something out, on me.”
At this, Sirius smiled broadly, his eyes widening with delight. Remus’ cure to everything was sweets, and all the other boys thought it was hilarious. James and Peter giggled at Sirius’ expression, outlandish after such an event, then made their way back to their respective beds, whispering good-nights to each other on the way.
James saw Remus wrap around Sirius as they lay back down, burying his head into the other boy’s curls. When he looked at Peter, he was already snoring, a terrible habit really, but the others didn’t mind. James smiled and closed his eyes.