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It’s funny the way that Melissa Schemmenti lives her life. By day, she’s a second grade teacher at Abbott Elementary. By night, she’s out at the bars trying to forget about her problems.
You live life quite similarly. During the day, you’re a first grade teacher at Abbott Elementary. Come night, you’re usually out at a bar trying to decompress after the hectic days that you tend to have with your students.
And then one day, you and your coworker accidentally end up at the same bar.
“What are you doing here?” Melissa asks you as she approaches the stool next to yours.
You sigh and take a sip of your Labatt. “Needed a beer after today. You?”
“God,” the redhead groans when she sees what you’re sipping on. “Why are you drinking that shit when there’s Yuengling on tap?”
“Cheaper,” you sigh.
“By like, ten cents,” your coworker grumbles. “If you’re that broke, let me at least buy you a good beer.”
Melissa buying you one good beer ends up turning into four, and that night ends with the two of you going home together.
Fast forward a few years, and your relationship with the redhead is still relatively hidden. The only person that knows at the school is Barbara. Not even your principal knows because she failed to recognize that when you put in to change your address for your paycheck, it was identical to Melissa’s.
You don’t mind not having the world know about your relationship. Both you and your girlfriend are extremely private people, so it makes sense.
But then you propose, you elope the next weekend with Barbara Howard as your witness, and when you walk into work the following Monday, the rings that sit on your finger just so happen to catch sunlight snd sparkle.
“Woah!” Jacob’s eyes go wide. “Did you- did you get married?!”
You roll your eyes at his dramatics. “Yeah. What’d you do this weekend?”
“No, no, no,” the social studies teacher stammers out. “We are not changing the topic this quick!”
“Jacob,” Barbara groans as she walks into the staff lounge with your wife and Janine. “It is far too early for you to be up in arms about something on a Monday morning. Have mercy on me.”
“Y/N got married!” Jacob gestures to you wildly.
“You did what?” Janine gasps.
“Got married,” you state. “I don’t see why we have to make such a big deal out of-”
Unfortunately for your wife, the same sunbeam that caught your ring catches hers, and Jacob gasps again.
“Melissa! Did you- did you get married too? What the hell is going on here?!” The redhead just nods with a smirk as she holds her left hand up.
“What?” Janine turns to look at her work aunt in shock. “What the hell guys? I didn’t even know either of you were dating, much less engaged to be married!”
“Yeah,” you sigh as you stand to make Melissa her coffee. If the secret is about to come out, you might as well start being the good life partner that you usually are at home. “We didn’t tell no one for a reason. Babe, your usual?”
It takes about a second for your words to sink in for the two nosey teachers that you suppose you call friends. “What?” they both ask incredulously. Then they look to Barbara who just seems amused.
“Aren’t you surprised your best friend hid this from you?”
“I didn’t hide nothin’, lowercase,” your wife snorts.
Barb looks incredibly smug before revealing, “I was their witness.”
“What?” Jacob shouts at the same time that Ava, Gregory, and Mr. Johnson walk into the staff lounge. “Did any of you know that Y/N and Melissa were together, much less that they got married over the weekend?”
“That is news to me,” Gregory states in his usual monotone. Then he lets a smile slip through. “Congratulations.”
“Damn, that means MILF Manor is s possibility for-”
“Enough,” you cut off your boss. “Melissa and I got married, but we’ve been together for years, living together for years. This doesn’t change much in the grand scheme of it all.”
You can tell that Janine is going to argue, but thankfully, the coffee has finished brewing, and you can pour your wife her mug before exiting the room with a roll of your eyes.
Later, Mr. Johnson gives a talking head that he’s been aware of your relationship for quite some time now. He just grins at the cameraman, stating that this isn’t the first time a workplace romance has budded. Then he smirks. “They aren’t the first. No. That was me, all those years ago.”
It’s later that day that you and your wife are laying on the couch watching whatever reality television show Melissa put on. You suppose you should say she’s watching, you’re laying down reading a book. It’s nice that the two of you can sit in a comfortable silence, both doing completely different things while still enjoying each other’s company. The quiet between the two of you is broken when your wife sighs from above you, her hand going to run its way through your hair.
“What is it?” you ask her gently.
The redhead just takes a deep breath again before shrugging. “Nothin’.”
“That’s the loudest nothing I’ve ever heard,” you tease as you sit up and set your book on the coffee table. “What’s on your mind, babe?”
“It’s weird that the crew knows now,” Melissa muses. “But at least now maybe on the rare day that the two of us are actually on the same schedule, we’ll be able to take the same car to work.”
“We always could’ve done that,” you chuckle. “We’re normally the first two in anyway, aside from Mr. Johnson.”
Your wife mulls this thought over in her head before shrugging. “Well, since they know… I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before Janine spills the beans to Kristen Marie.”
“That’s what you’re thinking about?” you ask. “If it’s just that, I can pull mini into my room tomorrow and threaten her life… not that I would do anything, but I know a guy.”
“I’m your guy, dumb ass,” Melissa lets out a belly laugh. “And no, I think… maybe it’s time we tell the Schemmenti family?”
Both brows raise an incredible amount. In all of the years that you’ve been together, the redhead has never mentioned introducing you to her family. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” your wife sighs softly. “I think it’s time I stop being afraid of what my family has to say and just… bite the bullet. And then maybe bite the dust depending on what they have to say to me about us.”
“So dramatic,” you roll your eyes playfully. “My god.”
“You love me for my dramatics remember,” Melissa chuckles. “Would you be open to meetin’ my family?”
You roll your eyes. “Babe, I’ve been ready for years. I was just waiting for you to be ready.”
“I-” your wife hesitates. “I am ready. You deserve to be shown off for the wonderful wife that you are to me.”
And so, a few weeks later, you’re walking into your very first Schemmenti family dinner at Theresa’s house.
“Hi Ma,” your wife smiles that dazzling smile of hers. “This is Y/N, my-”
“Your girlfriend,” Theresa states, arms folded over her chest and giving you quite the judgmental look. It’s very clear where Melissa inherited her traits from.
The redhead goes to cut in and correct her mother, but the matriarch of the Schemmenti household continues. “She told us you were pretty.”
“Thank you?” you smile awkwardly.
Theresa shakes her head. “I didn’t tell you what I thought of you- only what Melissa said.”
“Ma!”
“I’m just stating a fact,” the mother rolls her eyes. “And if you would’ve let me continue, I would’ve said she was correct in saying that.”
“Thank you,” you say with certainty now. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
“I do hope I’ll be able to say the same things about you tonight. Come in. You’re the first ones here, but I’m sure the others will be here soon,” Theresa turns and walks in towards the kitchen. “Can’t resist my cooking, the gavones,” she mumbles to herself.
While the matriarch of the family walks away, Melissa goes to follow. You take her gently by the arm to hold her back though.
“She thinks I’m just your girlfriend,” you mumble into your wife’s ear. “What do we do?”
Melissa shrugs. “Maybe we just let her think that for a bit? Let her ease into it? She seems to like you so far.”
“That was her liking me?” you raise a brow as you slip your rings off and into your pocket.
“She didn’t outright tell you to leave, and she told you you were pretty. By Schemmenti standards, she already adores you,” your wife chuckles as she follows your actions. “And she’ll only continue to love you when you work your charm.”
“I don’t have charm, Lis,” you roll your eyes, but you do pull her in for a quick kiss. “I’m a dork.”
“A dork that I love,” Melissa smiles against your lips. “Just be you. Quick witted and sweet. The best of both worlds. And take her up on her offer for wine, and never say no when she asks if you’d like more- at least until your fourth serving.”
“Fourth serving?” your eyes widen. “Babe, I don’t know if I can-”
“I’ll subtly take some of the food off of your plate, but just… trust me?”
With a sigh, you nod. “I guess you know your family better than I do.”
Meeting the rest of the Schemmenti clan is… interesting. All of her siblings have something to say that your wife promises you are them showing that they like you, even if you don’t think so. They have quite an odd dynamic as a family, you must say. As dinner goes on, you would dare to say that they might just tolerate you, but your wife promises you that they are loving you.
And the kids in the family absolutely adore you. Even the youngest baby who won’t go to anybody but her parents finds herself nestled in your arms at one point during the night while she absentmindedly plays with your hair and necklace.
“I don’t know how you just did that,” Melissa mumbles from next to you. Her hand gently cups the side of your head as she pulls you in to kiss your temple. “I’m usually the baby whisperer in this family, and even I can’t get the little bugger to sit with me.”
You just look down at the little girl in your arms. “She’s just a little shy is all,” you mumble as you press a kiss to the top of her head.
Eventually though, your wife’s brother takes back his baby, and you sigh softly. “I just have to use the bathroom,” you tell the redhead quietly. “I’ll be right back.”
Melissa nods with a smile.
“On my way back, do you want another glass of wine?”
“Please,” your wife smiles. “Thanks, hun.”
With that, you head to the restroom upstairs. As soon as your out of sight, Melissa’s family members are staring at her.
“What? I got somethin’ in my teeth?”
“Yeah,” Kristen Marie lies.
“Kristen Marie,” Theresa stops the quarrel before it can even start. “No.”
“Then what, Ma?”
“That girlfriend of yours…” the matriarch starts, and immediately the redhead is ready to defend your honor. When Theresa follows with, “I like her. A lot more than I ever liked Joe, and you ended up married to that stronzo.”
“She’s even good with Sophia,” Marie puts in her opinion.
“And how long of the two of you been together?” Seamus asks.
“Long enough,” Melissa shrugs.
“You plannin’ on keepin’ her around?” Kristen Marie questions. “You know… for a long time? Maybe forever?”
Green eyes twinkle. “Maybe.”
“I think you should consider it,” Theresa suggests. “She fits right in. Pretty, witty, a teacher… she balances you out nicely with her sweetness.”
“I can be sweet too, Ma,” your wife rolls her eyes.
“Oh, you know what I mean,” the mother huffs. “Just… consider it.”
It’s then that you make your way back into the living room with the promised glass of wine for your wife. “What’d I miss?”
“Nothin’,” Melissa mumbles.
“That was the loudest nothin’ I ever heard,” Kristen Marie laughs. “Just teasin’ ol’ red, as usual.”
“I’m not even two years older than you,” your wife grumbles at her sister.
“Still old.”
“Girls,” Theresa cuts in.
It’s a bit later when the two of you bid farewell to the Schemmenti clan with hugs, and you get a kiss on the cheek from Theresa Schemmenti herself.
As soon as you’re in the privacy of your car, Melissa begins to cackle with laughter. You look to her as though she has three heads.
“What’s so funny, babe?”
“They love you!” the redhead continues to wheeze with laughter.
“And that’s funny because…?”
“Hun, they were basically tellin’ me to marry you while you went to the bathroom,” your wife wipes at the tears forming around her eyes.
“Oh,” you break out into a smile, and then you can’t contain your giggles either. “That- that’s hilarious!”
“I can’t with my family sometimes,” the redhead chuckles out as she begins to pull herself together to drive home.
You lace your fingers with your wife’s. But then you remember that you don’t have your rings on again, so you disentangle your hands, slip them back on, and then return to your position. Melissa does the same. “Should we tell them? Or do we just continue to let them think we’re girlfriends until they figure it out?”
“Who knows?” the redhead laughs. “For as smart as we can be, we can also be absolutely oblivious. Why do you think I didn’t realize you had a thing for me for as long as you did?”
“Well, I’m for whatever you think we should do. But I think it’d be hilarious if it got to a point where we had to have a fake wedding to appease them,” you laugh.
“Now that would be something,” Melissa hums. “We never did have a real wedding.” And then she pulls away and heads for home.
Only once the two of you are back at the house does the cameraman interview the two of you.
“Should I have told my family that me an’ my ‘girlfriend’ have been married for years before I let them meet for the first time, or should I just keep trying to slip it in? Because now they’re trying to hint that I should propose, and I’m wondering if it might just be easier to do a fake wedding,” Melissa tells the man. “My wife’s on board because she’s fantastic.” She finishes her spiel with a kiss to your cheek. You can only grin.
It’s about a month later that you head back over to the Schemmenti household for family dinner again. This time, you wear your rings, but the family doesn’t notice- the both of you wear a few rings as it is, so they blend in. When you go to the bathroom again, your wife’s family only continues to ask why she hasn’t asked you to marry you yet, and when is she going to grow the balls.
“If you don’t, I’ll ask her to marry me,” Seamus laughs.
Green eyes stare into his eyes. “Over my dead body.”
When you return from the bathroom with another glass of wine for your wife and settle into her hold, you can’t help but feel how she holds you just the slightest bit tighter.
“Give me your engagement ring, and move your band over to another finger,” Melissa whispers into your ear.
You give her a slightly curious look, but do as told. No sooner is your wife down on one knee asking you to marry her (for the second time). Of course, you agree to marry her. The Schemmenti’s are overjoyed.
And when you get into the car and ask her what that was about, your wife just rolls her eyes. “Seamus said he’d ask you if I didn’t.”
“So, we’re really going through with a fake wedding?” you chuckle.
“We are.”
Four months later, on the anniversary of the actual day that the two of you got married, you hold a fake wedding in your backyard. The Abbott crew and your side of the family know that this is all to appease the Schemmentis, but they’re happy to play along and be there for you since they weren’t at the first one- with the exception of Barbara Howard. The Schemmenti family is thrilled to watch as Melissa gets married, even if it’s unknowingly for the second time.
You do everything by the books. You have an ‘ordained’ minister (Mr. Johnson), best people (Barbara of course serves as Melissa’s while your sister is yours), your father walks you down the makeshift aisle, the little baby that melted your heart the first time you met the Schemmenti side is the flower girl. Vows are said, rings are exchanged, a reception is had. It’s magical.
“You think we should’ve done this the first time?” Melissa asks as the two of you lay in bed later that night.
You just kiss her softly. “I wouldn’t change a thing about our story.”
A year goes by, and the two of you are spending your fifth (first) wedding anniversary together- somehow at a Schemmenti family Sunday dinner. It’s not like you mind or anything- they’re family. And, you had already celebrated just the two of you last night.
After church though, Barbara did drop off a cake to help make this year just the slightest bit more special- five years married is a big deal. The two of you thanked her kindly and then decided that you were going to take it to Theresa’s for dessert.
Only when you open it, there’s a slight hiccup. It’s clear that Barb had intended for the two of you to enjoy this cake in the privacy of your own home. It very clearly reads, “Happy Fifth Wedding Anniversary!” on it. And before you can close the box, Theresa gets a glance at it.
“Fifth?”
Both you and your wife hazard a glance at each other. You’ve just been caught.
“Uh,” you hum softly.
Melissa takes a deep breath before, “Ma, I have a confession…”