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The Great Hall was unusually loud that day, but nothing could've prepared them for what was about to happen.
It started with an offhanded comment — some random seventh-year from Hufflepuff, someone Remus didn't even know , tossing a sneer his way as they passed the Gryffindor table.
"Didn't expect you to be a raging homophobe, Lupin. Disappointed, really."
Remus froze, toast halfway to his mouth. His brain short-circuited, eyes wide, as everyone around him turned to stare.
“ What? ” Remus blinked, genuinely offended and confused .
"I—I’m not —” he sputtered, standing up so quickly that his chair scraped against the floor.
Sirius, James, Peter, Marlene, Lily — everyone — was staring.
“Are you serious right now? I have a boyfriend! ” Remus blurted out, voice louder than he intended.
The whole hall went silent .
Even the professors paused mid-bite.
Marlene’s eyebrows shot up. James' jaw dropped. Sirius' face contorted between shock and horror , his mouth forming a perfect "O."
"Who—?" Sirius croaked, narrowing his eyes.
Remus, already flustered beyond repair, panicked further. "REGULUS!"
Dead. Silence.
Pin-drop silence.
Remus instantly paled, realizing what he’d just done.
James started choking on his pumpkin juice.
Lily smacked his back as he coughed and spluttered.
Marlene: " What? "
Sirius: "EXCUSE ME?"
Peter: "I—wha—Remus?!"
Remus, now red-faced and sweating, scanned the room in desperation. Where was Regulus?
And then he saw him — leaning against the Slytherin table, arms crossed, glowering at Remus with a murderous expression that made Remus’ stomach drop .
Regulus was furious .
Cue the next few days of Remus being an absolute mess.
Regulus was giving him the coldest shoulder Hogwarts had ever seen.
Ignoring him in the hallways.
Refusing to look at him in class.
Leaving rooms the
second
Remus entered.
Meanwhile, Remus had become a shadow, following Regulus everywhere , looking like a kicked puppy.
"Reg, please," Remus whined, catching up to him outside Potions. "Come on, you know I didn’t mean to—”
Regulus didn’t even spare him a glance.
"Reg, love , baby—"
"Don’t call me that."
Remus whimpered. " Please —I’m so sorry . I didn’t mean to say it, it just—came out— because of that guy— "
Regulus turned slowly, dark eyes narrowed, venom in his voice. "So I’m an accident, then?"
Remus looked devastated . "No! No, never—you're everything. I just—*" He reached for Regulus' hand, but Regulus stepped back.
From behind them, Sirius and James were watching, Sirius still looking like he might combust .
“Is he seriously groveling right now?" James whispered.
Sirius hissed, "Oh, he’s dead . He is so dead ."
Meanwhile, Remus was still spiraling.
" Please, Reggie— you’re the best thing in my life. I’m nothing without you— "
Regulus rolled his eyes but there was a flicker of something softer beneath the glare.
Remus, encouraged, kept rambling:
" I’ll do anything, Reg. I’ll write you poetry—bad poetry, I’ll stop sneaking you snacks during class— ”
" You do that? " Regulus quirked a brow, finally speaking to him properly.
Remus brightened. "Every day! Every day, baby, because I love you!"
Regulus: "You're an idiot."
Remus: " Your idiot?" he said hopefully, giving Regulus his best puppy eyes.
Regulus looked him up and down. "Not yet."
Remus: (immediately) " What can I do to change that? "
Regulus smirked faintly, turning on his heel. "Figure it out, Lupin."
Remus: "So there’s hope ??" he called, chasing after him.
Sirius watching this absolute clownery, slack-jawed: "I—WHAT IS HAPPENING??"
Marlene, from behind: "You really didn’t see this coming?"
James, still choking on disbelief: "HE SAID REGULUS ?!?"
And so Remus Lupin spent the next week making Hogwarts history as the clingiest boyfriend-to-be, desperate to win back a very unimpressed Regulus Black — while everyone else tried to figure out how they’d missed this entire romance unfolding under their noses.
It had been fourteen days since Remus accidentally outed their secret relationship to the entire school .
Fourteen days of Regulus giving him
nothing but cold looks and silence
.
Fourteen days of Remus
publicly groveling
and embarrassing himself beyond repair.
Fourteen days of Sirius muttering to himself like he was moments from a full breakdown.
And yet, Remus was still trying .
—
Scene opens in the Great Hall, breakfast time:
Remus, plopping down beside Regulus at the Slytherin table, ignoring the entire table's scandalized stares :
" Good morning, my love ," Remus said sweetly, sliding a plate of toast in front of Regulus like this was totally normal.
Regulus didn't even blink. " You're not supposed to be here. "
" I'm where my heart is ," Remus said dramatically.
Evan Rosier, whispering to Barty: " Are we just gonna let this happen?? "
Barty: " I'm invested. "
Regulus, picking at his toast, not looking at him: "Stop calling me that."
Remus, leaning in, all soft and pleading: " But you are, though. "
Sirius, from the Gryffindor table, watching this absolute catastrophe unfold : " WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY LIFE? "
James, grinning: " This is the best thing I've ever seen. "
Marlene: " You owe me five galleons, Sirius. I told you they were together. "
—
Scene two: The Courtyard.
Remus running after Regulus like a lost puppy .
"Reg, wait! Talk to me! Please!"
Regulus spins on his heel, finally snapping : "Why should I? You humiliated me in front of the entire school!"
Remus, breathless and desperate: " I didn't mean to! I was defending myself and I panicked! I was so scared of losing you I just— it just came out."
Regulus narrows his eyes. "You did lose me."
Remus' face crumples. "You don’t mean that..."
Regulus gives him a sharp look. "Prove it."
Remus perks up, eager. " Anything. "
Regulus tilts his head, crossing his arms: "Fine. Then stop following me around like a lovesick idiot and show me you're serious."
Remus: " How? "
Regulus: "Figure it out."
And with that, Regulus turns and walks away, leaving Remus standing there with his mouth hanging open.
—
Cut to later that day, Gryffindor common room, Remus pacing back and forth like a man on the verge.
Sirius: " You're making grooves in the floor, mate. "
Remus: "I can't think , Sirius, I can't breathe ! How do I fix this?!"
James: " Maybe don't out your boyfriend to the whole school next time? "
Remus glares. "Helpful, Potter, really."
Peter, quietly: "Maybe he just wants you to do something big. You know, grand gesture ?"
Remus freezes . " Grand gesture. "
James: "Oh no."
Remus' eyes light up like he’s been struck by lightning. "GRAND. GESTURE."
Sirius: " Oh no. "
Remus: "I'm gonna win him back. I know exactly how."
Sirius: "I'm begging you—whatever you're about to do— don't ."
Remus, ignoring him entirely, already halfway out the door: " Wish me luck! "
James, grinning: " This is gonna be great. "
Sirius, holding his head in his hands: " I'm gonna be sick. "
—
Next morning, Great Hall — and Regulus walks in to find:
- A GIANT bouquet of enchanted roses that float and sparkle.
- A massive enchanted banner above the Slytherin table that reads: "I'm Sorry, Reggie. You're My Everything."
- A singing choir of enchanted frogs croaking out some weird love song Remus definitely made up.
Regulus stops in the doorway, horrified .
The whole hall goes silent ... again.
Remus, standing right in front of the table, holding a sign that reads:
"Please take me back, I will literally die."
Sirius, watching from Gryffindor : "Merlin’s tits , he actually did it."
Marlene: "He's committed, gotta give him that."
James: "I'm rooting for him."
Regulus walks up to Remus, arms crossed, unimpressed but slightly amused.
"You're insane ."
Remus beams. "But in love with you."
Regulus huffs a laugh despite himself. "You're an idiot."
Remus, tilting his head. " Your idiot?"
Regulus rolls his eyes but there’s a faint smirk on his lips. "Fine."
Remus lights up like the sun, grinning . " Wait, really? "
Regulus smirks. "On one condition."
Remus: "Anything!"
Regulus: "You carry all my books for a month. And no more public displays of desperation."
Remus, immediately: " Deal. "
Regulus: (grinning slightly) "You're still an idiot."
Remus: (beaming) "But your idiot."
As Remus practically bounces back to the Gryffindor table, Sirius looks ready to combust .
Sirius: " WHAT JUST HAPPENED?! "
James, clapping him on the back: " You just gained a brother-in-law, mate. "
Sirius: " I HATE THIS! "