Work Text:
Neither of them wanted Hawke to leave. They rarely agreed, but on this, they were both firm. Hawke had been through so much, and finally had a life he could call his own.
During the beginning of the mage rebellion, Hawke had slipped away with Anders and Fenris. He took them deep into the Ferelden woods and built them a home, with a bed large enough for the three of them, and their dog, a garden with all the herbs and vegetables they could need, Hawke had even built a chicken coup, though he stole the hens he needed.
“I don't like this.” Fenris said sternly, eyeing the letter from Varric to Hawke “You need a break, this is our break, they can't ask anything more of you.”
“It's Varric, though, Fen, if he needs help-”
“You've already made up your mind, haven't you?” Anders crossed his arms, glancing away from Hawke, but not for long, not if he was going to leave.
“You're just going to leave us here?”
Hawke didn't answer, just set the letter down on the table between them. He didnt have to answer for his men to know that he had indeed already made his mind up. Hawke was always going to help Varric, he knew he was as soon as he read the letter, even if Varric gave him a way out, said he didnt have to help.
Within the week, Fenris and Anders had begrudgingly helped Hawke pack a bag, everything they thought he’d need, and hoped he would want. Anders had prepared a number of potions, and a pouch of herbs to help Hawke sleep, with a little handwritten love note packed inside. Fenris had sent Hawke with blades, and the book they’d been reading together, a note scrawled inside begging for his return so they may continue.
“Please, promise you'll come back to us, as whole as we’ve let you slip away.” Fenris held Hawke’s hand to his chest, Anders leaned against Hawke’s shoulder.
“i promise, I’ll be back, whole, and we will pick up exactly where we left off.”
And they believed him. They loved him, so they believed him. They feared for the worst, but they could only hope for the best, they couldn’t survive their time without Hawke if they didn’t have hope he truly would come home.
Weeks had passed, with no word from Hawke, until a carrier pigeon brought something. Something was immediately wrong, it wasn’t the paper Hawke would use, not the paper he took with him. Anders quickly reached for Fenris’ hand, squeezing it lightly as he picked up the letter. It was from Varric, to the both of them. Anders opened the letter with one shaking hand, cautiously unfolding it.
‘Anders, Fenris,
For once, I find myself struggling to find the right words, but it isnt fair to either of you to draw this out, I won’t make you wait. Hawke is Gone. He made the decision himself, we had gone into the fade, and when the inquisitor needed a distraction for us to escape, Hawke stayed behind so the rest of us could live, so the wardens of Ferelden could survive and continue on. I should never have asked Hawke to help. I should have known how he is, I did know, really, I had to have known, and I am so sorry that I ever wrote him that letter, I'm sorry to all three of you. If I hadn’t, Hawke would still be here, enjoying his quiet life with the men he loved so dearly. That was all he would talk about, in the end, before we made the run for it, he wanted me to tell you both, he wanted to marry you, he wanted it just to be the three of you, in the woods where you lived, he loved you so much. He said one of his regrets was that he’d wasted so much time with you both, between meeting you and loving you, he wanted to apologize that he'd never make that time up. Even in the end, he didn’t blame me, I know he knew it was my fault he was out there, but he didn’t blame me, he was a better man than I deserved.’
Varric didn’t sign the letter off as he normally did, the tear-stained paper abnormally blank for a letter from Varric. Anders could not contain his grief, falling to his knees as he dropped the page to the floor. Fenris movged the letter to the side and got in front of Anders, placing his hands on both of his shoulders and his forehead against Anders’. Neither of them knew what to say, so they simply embraced the other, all that they had left.