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Matt had always been told by his parents that they were connected by a tiny red string, meant to be as the universe intended. Matt always looked at their ring fingers, where they had said the string looped around, and was always confused when he couldn't see a thing.
But, even if he couldn't see the string, he still believed in it for his parents couldn't be wrong. So every morning when he woke up, he looked at his left ring finger, always disappointed when he found nothing before starting his day.
Eventually, Matt grew up. He lost interest in his parent's advice, no longer trusted it, and yet never shook off the habit of checking his hand every morning. It was embarrassing, but nobody else ever saw him do it, so really it didn't hurt to indulge.
Though, when he grew a crush on his best friend, he couldn't help himself from checking his ring finger instinctively. Sometimes he didn't even realize when he was checking before he snapped out of it, trying to hide whatever he was doing with an excuse if somebody ever asked.
It was gnawing at him, the absence of a red string despite his intense feelings. After months of realizing them, he started to try to hide them, giving up on the idea that he was ever meant to get together with Cruz at all.
Even though it hurt him to see Cruz date all those girls, even though it hurt him to not be able to say his love, even though it hurt him when Cruz flirted with him when he was drunk, mistaking him for another disposable girl, he knew that it was going to always hurt because Cruz was never going to reciprocate.
And yet still he had the slightest of hope inside him. The looks Cruz gave him, the times they almost held hands, the times Cruz said he loved him accidentally, the memories he wanted to share with only Matt… Perhaps they all did mean something. Maybe it wasn't just his imagination. But he had to keep himself grounded in reality, brushing it off as impossible.
…
Nothing again on his ring finger. He sighed, holding his hand above his hand for a few seconds more before it flew back by his side. ‘At least it's Friday,’ He thought as he threw his covers off himself, just ready to start the day.
He started his day off normally, it was just supposed to be a normal one after all; he got changed, put on his deodorant and brushed his teeth as well as his hair, packed his things, went downstairs to the kitchen to make himself some quick toast, got out of the house before his parents could wake up, walked for a short bit before Seth could pick him up and drop him off.
When he walked through the front doors of the high school, he saw Hazel and the rest of her group, walking past them without being noticed thankfully. He thought that perhaps today would be a good day after all.
It wasn't too long of a wait before class started, Matt being the first one inside as always. As he unzipped his backpack and got out all that he needed, he caught sight of Cruz waving to his friends before he walked in. Cruz now waved at Matt, who returned the gesture weakly before going back to setting up all his things.
Cruz sat down, putting his backpack by his side before he unzipped it, only grabbing a pencil however he turned his attention over to Matt who was finally situated. “Do you know what we're doing today?”
Matt shook his head no. Cruz clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Guess it's going to be another worksheet…”
Matt nodded in agreement, looking down at his desk, before he heard Cruz lean over. Matt turned his head, staring straight into Cruz's eyes who was much closer than moments ago. “Are you free after school?” Cruz asked.
“Uhm, y-yeah. Why?” Matt answered.
“Can you come over to my house? I need to tell you something privately there. My mom won’t be home either…”
“Uh, s-sure!” Matt was on edge, not knowing if he did something wrong or what was just so important that they needed to discuss it completely alone.
“Cool.” Cruz smiled, anxiety bubbling inside Matt meanwhile.
Cruz then leaned back over his own desk, still staring at Matt however as he changed the topic, “What about next class?”
“W-what about it?” Matt noticed other people start to come in, staring down at his desk as they continued to idly chat.
“What are we doing in the next class? Do you know?”
Matt shook his head no again.
“I guess you don't know what we're doing today at all, do you?”
“No, I-I'm, uh, sorry.”
“It's okay. I just hope it's really easy, I do not want to deal with any homework this weekend…”
“M-me too.”
Just then their conversation was cut short by one of Cruz's friends, someone on the tennis team Matt faintly remembers, Cruz getting distracted and cutting their chat short. Matt began to ponder about what Cruz had said earlier for the next few minutes before the class started, zoning out as he spiraled into the possibilities.
Was Cruz going to finally end their friendship? It was a grim thought, and Matt thought Cruz was too nice to ever do something like that, but he wanted to discuss it so privately… Maybe his friends’ had finally gotten to his head, convincing him to ditch the loser in one way or another. Matt rolled his pencil on the desk as he thought about it, really hoping he was wrong.
When the teacher finally spoke to start the class, Matt snapped out of his thoughts, stopping his pencil and paying all attention to whatever was being said at the front of the room.
The rest of the day went on without much trouble. There wasn't too much work, considering it was the end of the week, just some notes, worksheets, even the finishing of a mini project. Lunch with Cruz went on without any distractions from Hazel and co, Matt being able to sit silently and eat while Cruz blabbered on and on.
But, as Matt sat at the end of the day in his last period, he nervously checked the time, counting down the minutes until he had to go meet Cruz to be driven to his house.
He got too distracted from his work, promising himself he'd do it over the weekend, one little assignment wouldn't hurt after all. So instead he watched the clock until the period was over, being one of the first to bolt out of there.
He hurried out of the front doors of the school and walked all the way over to Cruz's car since he was familiar both with it and the parking space (thanks to some emergency drives back home).
Once there, Matt waited a few minutes, scrolling through his phone and ignoring the sweat pouring out of him, both from the hot weather not pairing well with his black hoodie and the anxiety he was feeling.
Matt didn't even notice Cruz was at the car however until Cruz's hand was snapping in front of his phone to get his attention. Matt flinched, quickly turning off his phone to look at Cruz as he apologized. Cruz just smiled in acceptance of the apology, “Thanks for coming over on such short notice.”
“I-I didn't have any, uh, other p-plans so… It would've b-been rude anyways.”
“Well, I wouldn't have minded waiting to do it if you had been busy, just so you know,” Cruz told him before he opened the driver's side, Matt following his example.
It was a quiet ride to Cruz's house, the radio was quietly turned on, Matt just watching out the window as he gripped the top of his thigh to steady himself. When they arrived, it had taken Matt a few seconds longer than usual to get out of the car.
Cruz didn’t say a word as he unlocked the front door, the two walking into the living room. Matt was too nervous to talk about why they were there, but Cruz spoke up himself as he locked the door, “We should go to my bedroom, it'd be better.”
The request confused Matt. Why the bedroom? Why not here, in the equally as comfortable living room? But he made his way into Cruz's bedroom anyways, sitting down on the bed as Cruz shut the door before taking a seat right beside him.
Matt looked at the ground, nervous. What he didn't know was that Cruz was also nervous, hiding it under his watchful gaze as he looked over Matt.
“... W-what was s-so iimportant…?” Matt asked finally, still avoiding Cruz's gaze.
“Can you look at me first?” Cruz asked, voice suddenly soft.
Matt slowly raised his head, eyes meeting Cruz's. He tried to not cut the contact when he noticed Cruz started to hold one of his hands, heart racing.
“Can you promise that you won't be mad?”
“W-why, uh, why would I b-be?”
“Just promise.”
“Uhm… I-I p-p-promise…?”
“I have a crush on you.”
Cruz had said it so simply, like it was the easiest thing in the world. Matt couldn't believe it, was this a joke? He knew Cruz didn't like to joke about these things a lot, but he's played it off before (even though he was never sober when he did so). But, even so, he was still on edge.
“... I-is this a-a-a joke or s-something? I-i-it's not, mm, funny…”
Cruz let go of Matt's hand, instead both went to Matt's neck right underneath where his hair ended, holding their heads closer, Matt able to hear Cruz's breathing and Cruz able to feel Matt's breathing. Cruz lost the smile as he spoke, “It's not a joke.”
Matt just stared, face starting to burn as he started to sweat profusely, body shaking against his will. He couldn't speak, body barely able to breathe. This was supposed to be a dream come true but all he could do was panic, not knowing what to do.
Suddenly the reality of his feelings sunk in, knowing if anybody found out about this, they'd be ridiculed. He'd make Cruz lose all his friends if he reciprocated, he'd lose the few friends he'd have, and he'd possibly even lose Cruz. He started to freak out in his mind, freezing in real life.
Cruz was concerned, starting to let go of Matt as he asked, “Are you okay? Was I too sudden? I'm sorry.”
“I-I l, uhm… I l-love… I-I-I l-love, mmm, y-y-you ttoo…” Matt confessed, having to look away from Cruz's eyes.
Then suddenly Cruz’s lips were on Matt's. Matt was taken aback, unsure of what to do. It was his dream to kiss Cruz, and yet he felt the weight of the world upon him to do something and yet couldn't for he was too afraid he'd mess it all up somehow.
Cruz pulled away when he noticed Matt wasn't doing anything, scared he had gone too far, and perhaps he had with the scared look on Matt's face.
Cruz immediately let go of Matt. “I'm sorry. Really sorry for doing that. You didn't answer if you were okay. Are you? I'm sorry.”
Matt gulped, trying to calm his panic, but he just couldn't, hyperventilating from everything being thrust upon him rapidly. Cruz began to worry even more. “Matt? Hello? Can you please respond?”
Matt wiped his mouth off, starting to produce tears from how overwhelmed he felt. “I-I'm s-s-sorry,” He could barely get out, “I-I'm ssscared.”
“... I'm sorry for scaring you. I shouldn't have kissed you.”
“N-not… Of y-you…” Matt explained vaguely, trying to wipe away his tears and breathe in as calmly as he could.
Cruz stayed back, allowing Matt to calm down. It took some time, but Matt was finally breathing somewhat normally. He wiped the last of his tears off, finally speaking again, “S-sorry, mmf, for ffreaking o-o-out…” His voice was slightly hoarse, but he didn't care, “I-I… I j-just… I-I… W-what if… I-if this, uhm, leads a-anywhere e-else… W-what… What if… Other ppeople, mm, find out…?”
“That's okay. I already was prepared for whatever risks were going to come our way.”
“B-but I… I-I'm not… W-what… What i-if I l-l-lose you… I-I don't, mngh, wwant to…”
“You won't lose me, Matt. I haven't left since second grade, so let's just be realistic here. I wouldn't abandon you just because other people won't approve of us. I promise.”
“I-I just… I-I don't want y-you to, uhm, llose your friends… B-because of m-m-me…”
“I would gladly lose my friends if it meant I got to stay with you.”
“... Y-you're too, uh, kind…” Matt sniffed.
“Is it bad I am?”
Matt shook his head no. “I-I… Like wwhen you're k-kind…”
“Good. I'm glad… Can I hug you? Am I allowed to touch you right now or do you still need space?”
“... Y-you can… Touch me…”
Cruz nodded and took his time, slowly scooting as close as possible to Matt before giving him a light hug to try to help him feel better. Matt appreciated it, arms loosely wrapping back around Cruz.
It was quiet but exactly what Matt needed. Just a peaceful moment after all of the chaos in his mind. After a few moments, Cruz leaned away from Matt, still holding onto him however as he asked, “Is it ok if… I kiss you now? You can say no.”
“... Y-yeah, you can. B-but, uh, I'm not… E-experienced…”
“That's okay. You'll learn the more we practice~,” Cruz flirted before he leaned into Matt again, head tilting, before their lips met and he closed his eyes.
Matt kept his open, staring directly at one of Cruz's closed eyeballs. He was awkwardly stiff, unsure of what to do, so he closed his lips around Cruz's open ones.
After enough fumbling, Cruz leaned away, the lightest of spit trails following him. “You were right, you really aren't experienced.”
“H-hey…”
Cruz laughed. “But that's okay. It was cute.”
Cute… Matt smiled back, butterflies tickling his stomach. He couldn't believe this was happening, but now that they were here… He was happy, even knowing what may lead ahead.
Then he caught sight of his ring finger, seeing a strange string. A red one at that.
Matt couldn't believe his eyes. He thought it was just a metaphor but there it was. Then he looked at where it led, right to Cruz's own ring finger.
He started to tear up again, Cruz taking notice. “What's the matter now?”
“... I-I'm... Just so h-happy!” Matt replied, hugging Cruz again tightly.
Cruz was confused but reciprocated less roughly, happy as well, unaware of the connection between them.