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The time Anakin was scared.
Obi-Wan had expected resistance when he cut Anakin’s hair. But the boy nodded quietly when Obi-Wan explained the need for it and sat still while Obi-Wan cut it lock for lock. He then expected resistance when he explained that Anakin would have to give up all material possessions. But the boy gracefully handed him what little meager bits and bobs he had managed to hold onto after all this time.
Obi-Wan had allowed himself to imagine that this was a precursor to an easier apprenticeship than he had predicted. I can do this.
That didn’t last more than a few days.
Their arrival at Coruscant was met with speculation. Obi-Wan heard the edges of their thoughts brushing across the force in such strong unison that it was difficult to tune them out.
There he is.
Is he the chosen one?
Obi-Wan pretended not to notice and continued to usher the boy down the main hall. Anakin walked in front of him with slight trepidation. Padawans, younglings, and Jedi alike gathered as they made their way to the dorms.
He shouldn’t have been brought here-
-too old-
-strength for one so young is unnatural-
-abomination-
Anakin’s steps slowed and Obi-Wan could feel his presence becoming filled with anxiety and self-doubt with every inch they made into the temple. That made Obi-Wan pause. Surely the boy was not picking up the same whispers…?
No. To have that level of perception without training was simply not possible.
-a slave-
“…Master?” Anakin had come to a complete stop. Obi-Wan looked down at him with interest.
“Yes?” Anakin seemed to hesitate, looking straight ahead. Then he turned to Obi-Wan and in a move he would have thought uncharacteristic of his new apprentice, the boy reached out and grabbed the edge of his robes in what Obi-Wan recognized to be a gesture one usually associated with a child reaching out to a parent.
“Can we… go? Maybe come back later?” His face was slightly red. If he had heard even a fraction of the thoughts that might as well have been screamed into Obi-Wan’s ear… it was no wonder the boy wanted to leave. Obi-Wan looked around them at the crowd. There was now a feeling of curiosity about them. They want to see if I give him special treatment. He got to his knees and looked his apprentice in the eyes.
“Young one, many times throughout your life you will find yourself in situations where people think less of you because of things you have no control over. This needn’t be a source of frustration Let the thoughts that bring fear and anger flow around you like sand flows around a rock in the desert. Do not give them the power to move you no matter how strong the wind that brings them.” Anakin held his gaze for a moment and then nodded. He let go of Obi-Wan’s robes and continued to walk forward. Obi-Wan watched him walk for a moment before following.
He can’t help but feel slightly saddened by Anakin’s perceived lack of sympathy on his part. But Obi-Wan only hardened his resolve. This temple was going to be their home. He was going to be watched like this for the rest of his life.
Better Anakin learn how to thrive amongst the scrutiny now.
“You know, master… I don’t need you to tell me what a desert is like. I don’t know how much of Tatooine you saw, but-” Obi-Wan shushed him at that.
The time Anakin was still hungry.
Obi-Wan had to admit he hadn’t given as much thought as he should have to the amount of culture shock that a former slave from a desert planet would face when brought to the cultural hub of the entire galaxy. Any kind of lesson he tried to give outside of the temple was like trying to herd loth-cats. Absolutely everything about Coruscant was new to the boy and he seemed completely incapable of pushing down his curiosity for even the smallest mechanical object he had never seen before.
Finally, after a few months, Obi-Wan gave up. Or rather, he gave in. He decided to take a few days away from training and just indulge in Anakin’s curious nature. He thought that if he could get it out of the boy’s system it would make the distractions around them far less appealing.
So for two days he simply walked Anakin around and answered his various questions about the complex world on which they lived. Obi-Wan discovered very quickly that “I don’t know” was never an acceptable answer because it led to Anakin seeking out anyone around them who could provide a satisfactory response.
It only took a few hours for Obi-Wan to feel completely drained.
At the first sighting of Obi-Wan’s favorite diner, he had to practically pry Anakin away from a self-filtering water system to get him to sit down and eat. Dex came out and offered them each a Shawda Club Sandwich. Anakin immediately dug in and Obi-Wan tried to remind him to say thank you, but Dex sat next to Anakin and patted his head affectionately. “Kid’s seen hard times, huh?”
Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows but said nothing in response. His instincts told him Anakin’s past should stay in the past. Anakin should be the one to decide who knows his previous circumstances. Dex chuckled quietly. “Anyone who eats like that is afraid it will be taken away from them.” He ruffled Anakin’s hair and got up. “I got a big slice of Sic-Six layer cake for you in the back.”
Obi-Wan shook his head. “No. We need to get going soon.” It was unseemly for a padawan and a Jedi to accept too much charity when there were others who had so much less. Anakin stopped eating to look up at him with pleading eyes.
“Please, master? I can eat it quick.” He wondered if he himself had ever managed such convincingly sad quivering lips.
“No, Anakin.” His padawan opened his mouth to speak again and Obi-Wan felt his patience wearing thin. “Asking the question more than once will not merit a different answer. Finish your sandwich.” Anakin took a moment to pout and then did as he was told.
And then they continued on their little field trip.
The time Anakin wanted to learn more.
Anakin took to wielding a lightsaber as though he had finally found an appendage he had misplaced for his entire life.
In a few days his padawan had outgrown the exercise of using the remote to deflect and sense incoming attacks. This unfortunately threw a wrench into the training process because it was vital that Anakin be taught in the history behind the lightsaber forms while at the same time getting used to using one on the most basic level. While hands on training exercises were coming to Anakin with an ease that almost made Obi-Wan feel like an idiot child, he had almost none of the wherewithal to sit down and study.
He tried to remind himself that until that point in Anakin’s life sitting down and reading for the sake of learning was hardly a skill that would have been utilized or wanted.
The end result was that Obi-Wan made more and more complex drills for Anakin while forcing him though the early volumes on the history and subtleties of Soresu. This was usually something that a Master would tell his padawan to do in certain hours of the day independently.
It became abundantly clear that his padawan was far from having the self-discipline to trudge through the raw information. Obi-Wan made it as interactive as possible. Every time Anakin would finish a chapter and demonstrate the skills accurately, Obi-Wan would drill him twice with the remote, attempting to make them more challenging (and failing.) It was grueling on both of them.
Somehow, it still took Obi-Wan by surprise when Anakin practically threw a tantrum after a few weeks of this routine. “Why can’t you just start walking me through the new form? You know I can do it!” Obi-Wan furrowed his brow.
“I know you are frustrated, but it would misinform your use of an advanced technique if I started direct instruction before you had a complete understanding of-”
“Why?” Obi-Wan was honestly taken aback. He stood slowly and fixed his eyes on his apprentice.
“Time for you to go back to the dorms. Your exhaustion has clearly gotten the better of you.” There was a spike of anger Obi-Wan had never felt from the young boy before. When Anakin next spoke, his voice was clipped and Obi-Wan could almost hear a hiss of rage in his tone.
“So just because I’m asking a simple question-“ He suddenly cut off and looked up at the balcony behind Obi-Wan. When he turned to follow Anakin’s gaze, he saw Master Mace Windu watching above them from a balcony with a look of extreme disapproval. Mace-Windu had been the most vocal in attempting to prevent Anakin's training. The last thing Anakin needed was to give the council more cause to be suspicious of him. Obi-Wan turned his own gaze back to the boy in front of him.
“Anakin. We will discuss both your future studies of Form III as well as the consequences for your disrespectful behavior tomorrow. Goodnight.” The last word was said with a tone of authority such that it seemed to shake Anakin out of his started quiet. Thankfully the padawan seemed to have a good idea that he had already made too much of a scene and he took he opportunity to leave the situation entirely.
Obi-Wan waited until he felt Anakin’s force signature in the dormitory to turn and clean up the materials he had been using with Anakin. When he had finished, Master Mace Windu had gone.
The time Anakin grew.
For a brief period, Obi-Wan honestly thought that Anakin’s years of living in such a harsh climate had done irreparable damage and Anakin would always be the smallest of his peers.
Right up until Anakin was 14 years old, he was consistently the smallest among those his age. While the other boys began to have more angular faces, his stayed round. While the others seemed to grow in feet, he grew in inches. Obi-Wan knew that this needled Anakin’s more vain and competitive nature at times, but these feelings never interfered with his training.
Obi-Wan was considering that perhaps it was for the best that there was at least one area in which Anakin would never be able to show off in.
That all changed in a matter of months.
Not since his days of service in the temple crèche had he seen a physical body change so completely so quickly. Qui-Gon’s theory that Anakin had been conceived by the will of the force held more credence than ever.
It was as though the dark side itself had set an already moody child into hormonal hyperdrive. Anakin would seem to barely be engaged in their activity and then suddenly fly into an unsolicited tantrum at seemingly minor offenses. Rank protected no-one. Jedi who offered helpful advice were almost always met with cruel remarks. Obi-Wan felt at times that he was using most of his energy keeping Anakin away from council members.
Anakin’s force signature was constantly giving off a sensation of starvation. Obi-Wan marveled at this. He himself remembered during those dark years that he was hungrier than usual and at most inopportune times. But as most things seemed to be, it was amplified to a ridiculous degree with his padawan. A few hours after eating a full meal his apprentices’ force signature would buzz not with hunger, but with starvation. He would have no choice but to stop instruction or even missions at least five times a day to eat.
One day during a mission briefing Anakin’s voice cracked. The mortification all those present felt on Anakin’s behalf was palpable. Obi-Wan took pity on him and finished giving the report alone. Anakin’s eyes never left the floor.
That happened more than once.
The physical growth was nothing less than miraculous. Obi-Wan was requesting new robes be fitted for Anakin at least once a month. Finally Obi-Wan just told Anakin it was best if he went to be fitted independently since his body almost seemed to be sprouting new limbs the way his robes were fitting. This backfired when Anakin requested all of his robes in darker, more somber colors, but Obi-Wan decided to let that show of rebelliousness be. Anakin would hardly be the first Jedi to prefer non-traditional garb.
Thankfully Tatooine culture had seemingly no taboos at all on the physical body and its sexual nature. Shmi Skywalker had given her son a very thorough education on the more… intimate changes a human male goes through during puberty and what exactly that meant for him as an individual. This spared Obi-Wan the more graphic discussions on near-human anatomy.
Thank the force for Shmi Skywalker, he wished he'd met her.
Where his apprentice before this dark time usually had to be coerced into settling down long enough to sleep, Obi-Wan suddenly found himself having to personally go to the dormitory and stir Anakin awake on most days. No amount of sleep seemed to be enough. Obi-Wan suspected that if left alone, Anakin would only leave his bed to feed himself and then go right back to sleep endlessly. Obi-Wan knew that there would be a mission waiting for them in the next few days. They had to finish going over meditation exercises before then. There might not be time in the field.
They had to get to work.
After much prodding and shaking (and some of Obi-Wan’s jabs to Anakin’s force signature) his apprentice rolled onto his back and opened his eyes. To anyone else it would seem that Anakin was simply shaking off a deep sleep. Obi-Wan knew him well enough to recognize defiance combined with complete and total irritation at being woken up do an activity that Anakin maintained was more or less sleeping in another form.
“Master, I swear. I will dedicate myself to mastering ten forms of napping-“ Obi-Wan threw him a sharp look. “-meditating, when we get back from wherever it is we are going. But Master, I feel completely incapable of anything less than closing my eyes, let alone mastering new skills. May I please have the morning to rest?”
Obi-Wan took a second to feel out Anakin’s physical state. There were definite signs of physical strain. He was certain that the young boy ached all over on top of feeling as though he hadn’t rested properly in the last decade.
Maybe just this once….
Obi-Wan stopped that train of thought immediately. If he cut Anakin slack now, how could he expect him to survive after not having proper rest or food for days at a time during a stealth mission? Or while running from many foes while injured?
No. Anakin had to be taught to persevere through all hardships.
He turned from Anakin to find his robes on the floor and handed them to the teenager. “We all have our trials to endure. Get dressed. We need to be at the meditation hall in less than an hour.”
The time Anakin didn’t want a mission.
“You cannot be serious, Master.” Obi-Wan failed to suppress a grin.
“I am completely serious, my young padawan.” Anakin leaned back in his chair and covered his face with his hands in a typically dramatic manner.
“Is there no one else?”
“I didn’t ask. You are the one who has spent months demanding an assignment. Your performance at the battle of Geonosis has earned you some-“
“The hand is fine, if that’s what this is about-“ Obi-Wan felt a flash of annoyance.
“You are the only one who has ever let your injury incur doubt in your abilities. You have been asked to perform a sacred duty-” Anakin almost seemed to growl out his response.
“You’re telling me that taking younglings to Ilum is our priority? In case you haven’t noticed, we are at war-”
“No one needs you to remind them of that.” This was one of the moments when he just needed Anakin to understand.
Obi-Wan took a deep breath and smoothed his hair back. Feeding into an argument with Anakin only served to make a bigger conflict. He decided to try a different approach to help his padawan accept his new responsibility.
“Now more than ever, Anakin, the culture of the Jedi is in a precarious situation. The younglings you are taking to Ilum will be made padawans soon enough and most likely they will then know only war until they are knighted.” He sat down and made sure to look his apprentice in the eye. “Do you not understand that this duty is not only required, but now more than ever is vital to our survival? If we allow the education of future generations be compromised, then regardless of if we lose this war, we will lose everything. Choosing your lightsaber crystal is a defining moment for a Jedi. That should not be taken from anyone.”
Anakin’s facial features softened. Obi-Wan saw his eyes drift to the dark glove he had grown accustomed to wearing over his mechanical hand. He finally sighed and relaxed. “I understand what you’re saying. I just… I know it’s unusual… But I was hoping to stay on Coruscant a bit longer.”
Obi-Wan was confused. Anakin had never shown any particular emotional attachment to this planet or even the temple. Even since he had recovered from his injury and escorted Senator Amidala back from Naboo, he had spent more time outside of the temple than in it.
Anakin must have read the confusion in Obi-Wan’s force signature because he quickly amended his earlier statement. “I’ve been trying to master more complex techniques in Form IV. Also having to adjust to the new-” He lifted the mechanical hand and flexed it. “-circumstances has been challenging to say the least. All the noise around the temple is…distracting.” Obi-Wan could believe that. Force control has never been one of Anakin’s more honed skills. Pushing out the anxiety that is thick as fog in the force around the temple these days is hard enough even for himself.
“I just… need more time. You saw what happened with Dooku. He…” Suddenly there was a tone in his padawan’s voice that Obi-Wan did not like. Anakin’s eyes were looking beyond Obi-Wan and hardened with emotions that should not be seen in any Jedi. “He made a fool of me. Like I was nothing.” His apprentice blinked a few times and his manner changed back into that of a young man asking to get out of a chore. “I just need more time. Let me stay on Coruscant with… with everything… please. I’m not ready to leave.”
Obi-Wan didn’t need the force to tell him that Anakin was holding something back from him. There was something else keeping him here. Whatever it was, Anakin clearly needed to understand where his priorities should be. Despite the complete desperation he sensed from his apprentice he hardened his resolve. “The transport will expect to leave with you and the five chosen younglings at dawn.”
Right as Obi-Wan left Anakin’s control of his emotions slipped away for less than a second. What he felt make him turn around and stare at the closed door.
Where his padawan’s presence had one second been anxious, disappointed, and oddly… sentimental, it changed into something that almost seemed like a different entity entirely.
A black pit of despair, guilt, rage… pain.
Suffering
It was gone as soon as it had appeared. Obi-Wan took a step closer to the door to speak to Anakin again.
But then he thought better of it and went to the briefing room.
It was probably nothing. Could have been a figment of his imagination.
The time the dead are silenced.
There was no sound other than mechanical breathing in the room. He barely noticed it anymore.
Darth Vader was meditating, waiting for the hint of a presence that had alluded him for long enough. When still he felt nothing he reached out to his bait instead, making sure that it was well broadcasted that they were here with him.
The smuggler’s pain from the interrogation (although Darth Vader supposed it was only an interrogation of one asks questions) permeated the station. The princess was calculating how to escape even now. That concerned him little. He only needed keep them alive long enough to make sure he had his son.
The force altered around him with no warning. It had been a lifetime since anything not of the dark side sought him out through the force. It could not be Luke. His connection with Luke was such that he would sense Luke coming long before he was anywhere near Bespin.
It was certainly the presence of a being. It flickered through the force, not exactly living…but not completely dead either. Wait. He knew this presence.
It couldn’t be.
Then the edge of his retinal display began to change pigment slightly. He turned his head to see the indistinct edges of a man he had killed.
Darth Vader fixed the ghost of Obi-Wan Kenobi with a stare. He could sense that whatever form his former master was in, the thick miasma that the dark side presented as around a sith lord like himself was clawing at him. It would not allow Obi-Wan Kenobi’s…. presence… to stay very long.
The creature before him spoke first. “You don’t seem surprised.”
“The depths to which you will go to keep me from achieving my goals stopped surprising me long ago.” The corner of the ghost’s mouth twitched at that.
“If only that were the only reason I was here.” If Vader’s voice box were able to pick up on it, there would have been a vocal scoff at the comment.
“I have the power to banish your pitiful existence from before me instantly.” He stood. “But I am curious. Have you come to beg for the lives of the prisoners downstairs?” The strange form of Obi-Wan Kenobi did not react to the thinly veiled promise to end the lives of the resistance fighters.
“I’m here to ask- No. I am here to beg. Not for them. For Luke.” Darth Vader felt a rage in that moment that could only be compared to the rage he felt upon realizing that his son had been hidden from him in the first place.
“Oh? You are lucky old man. Lucky that I gave you a quick death before I knew the depth of your treachery.” The ghost did not react with anger. He simply tilted his head and seemed to consider Darth Vader.
“What a father you would have been. Luke believes that his father was-”
“I am not interested in hearing whatever lies you have concocted to keep him from me.” He looked away from the shape of Obi-Wan Kenobi. “It no longer matters. He will learn the truth soon and he will take his rightful place-”
“I recall the same offer you made to someone else many years ago.” There was a moment of loaded silence. “You are truly a fool if you think it will end any differently.”
“It will. Luke belongs by my side. He will understand that when the truth is clear to him.”
“You will destroy him. Just to satisfy your own-”
“You had no right to hide him from me in the first place.”
Obi-Wan Kenobi visibly sighed and for a second looking nothing like the proud Jedi General that walked into battle next to Anakin Skywalker. “I did not come on my own behalf. I accepted long ago that Luke’s father died with the rest of the Jedi during the purge. I came because of the words of another.” At that Darth Vader turned his head towards the shape of what used to be a man Anakin Skywalker respected and loved.
“Because of your prophesy? That nonsense was nothing more than another vain attempt by the Jedi to-”
“Your wife.” There was another moment of tense quiet. Darth Vader had nothing to say to that.
“Her last words were that there was still good in Anakin Skywalker.”
The dark side had finally begun to succeed in pushing out the pitiful creature that stood before Darth Vader. Or maybe he was leaving of his own volition. It did not matter in the end.
The words of the dead held little meaning to the living.
Barely more than a few pigments remained of the man he had killed. Darth Vader turned away and faced the door. “How can there be any good left of a man whom you yourself admit is dead?”
And then the presence was gone completely.
A burning light in the force was now approaching. Luke was on his way. Darth Vader walked out of the room to prepare for his son’s arrival.