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The NEL had ended a while ago. Ness had long since returned to Germany, and was still training at Bastard München.
Kaiser had left for ReAl, as expected, which left Ness alone at the club. As sociable as he was, his time with Kaiser had led most of the team to dislike him. Which Ness understood; Kaiser brought out the worst in him, and he was all too eager to insult his teammates if it meant Kaiser’s light would shine upon him a moment longer.
Kaiser was still shining, but his light was too much for Ness. If Kaiser was the ever burning sun; Ness was a destroyed and abandoned planet that was unable and unworthy of living in such heat.
And floating alone in space was more isolating than he realised.
Ness adored Kaiser.
He still did, even after everything the latter did to him. And Ness would never stop loving kaiser. Four years was a long time, and it was more than enough time for the latter to intertwine himself with every aspect of Ness’s life.
Ness couldn’t go ten minutes without seeing him, even though he was no longer present. Snippets of distant memories hid in each corner of Bastard München, and each one left a bitter taste in Ness’s mouth. It was like Kaiser was a ghost haunting the facility, but a ghost only Ness could see.
It got even worse when the team was beginning to notice how much more distant Ness was becoming.
Sometimes, Isagi would pass him in the corridors, and try to talk, with nothing but pure intentions. Ness wasn't having any of it, he never did, but Isagi’s words admittedly stuck a lot more than Ness wanted them too.
Isagi told him that he clearly held a lot of love in his heart, and devoting it all to Kaiser was a waste.
Ness replied with a scowl, and walked away without a word. Hoping that the further away he got from Isagi, the more he’d forget his words, and how much they stung.
Isagi didn’t get it. Loving Kaiser wasn’t a waste. They needed each other. Kaiser needed Ness to pass to him on the field. He needed Ness to help him with simple tasks, like keeping their room tidy, preparing meals, and bringing things to Kaiser exactly when he needed them.
Ness needed Kaiser to prove that the impossible was possible.
But now Kaiser is gone. And Ness was left with the crumbling ruins of the life he’d built around Kaiser.
He was barely surviving. His life was in pieces and he could barely stay afloat without Kaiser.
Still, there was a deep feeling inside him, that maybe Kaiser missed him. Maybe Kaiser regretted everything. Ness held onto the tiniest sliver of hope that one day, they would reunite, and Kaiser would apologise, and they’d go back to what had been before.
It seemed impossible. But Kaiser had always had a habit of making the impossible possible…
On second thought, maybe Isagi was right.
Kaiser was too indomitable to realise or care about any of this. In fact, he’d probably forgotten Ness even existed by now. Its not like Ness was important, as a person or as a player. ReAl had far better midfielders, Ness’s passes in comparison likely gave Kaiser second hand embarrassment.
But he was still caught up in his emotions towards Kaiser. Now that Kaiser was gone, Ness was left with messy feelings he didn’t know how to name or control.
But he couldn’t stop. He would continue to fill his heart with the remains of this waste of a love, as Isagi insisted on phrasing it.
He’d fallen too deeply for Kaiser, their lives too intertwined, and Ness would continue to fall deeper. The pressure would continue to build, and he would struggle to breathe, before the ocean of his own love inevitably drowned him.
It was only a matter of time.