Chapter Text
Tw: crying, blaming, mentions of suicide
. . .
|Dazai's Pov|
After a long day at the agency of doing nothing but pissing off kunikida and making atsushi do my work I was finally going to the agency dorms to get some sleep, I was honestly quite tired and just wanted to lay down in my bed and think about different suicide methods I could try to piss off kunikida again, it never got old I would try something new kunikida or atsushi would safe me (unfortunately) and he would lecture me and tell me not to do it again even though I know I'll keep doing it.... I finally get to my dorm, I take my keys and unlock the door walking inside then I turn around locking the door and putting my keys down on the counter, I take off my shoes and walk over to my room closing the door I took off my jacket and hung it up, turned off the lights then I laid down on my bed not bothering to change my clothes, I closed my eyes just wanting to be consumed by sleep . . . . I woke up and everything was dark? I couldn't see anything so I started to walk around and after what felt like forever until I found someone and it was.... Odasaku?.... No it can't be him he's dead, he has blood over his chest just like that day... I quickly ran over to him and I bend down and held him up, one of my hands on his back and the other holding his chest, my hand turning a crimson red as I did so
|No one's Pov|
Dazai: odasaku what happened to you? Why is this happening again!?
Oda: dazai? Why are you here?
Dazai: I'm gonna help you j-just hold on!
He said in panic he didn't want the same thing to happen again, even if it was just a dream maybe he could still save him this time
Oda: no don't do anything
Dazai: why? Come just let me help you!
Oda: don't help me this is your fault!
His eyes widened the words hit him like a ton of bricks, it was his fault? He hadn't thought of that in a while was it really his fault that he couldn't get there in time? No that was mori's fault.... Wasn't it?...
Dazai: o-odasaku... I'm s-sorry... no it's not my fault! Don't say that! The real odasku would n-never blame me!
He said but he was only saying that to convince himself it wasn't his fault, his voice started to break, he wanted to cry, and he so desperately wanted to believe it wasn't his fault but he knew deep down it was and hearing oda tell him directly that it was in fact his fault just proved it to him
Oda: yes it is your fault you couldn't get there in time you couldn't save me I died because of you!
He started to cry the tears falling uncontrollably, oda's words hurt more than anything it was like a stab in the back, they hurt more than anything anyone had ever said to him in his entire life
Dazai: I-I'm sorry odasaku I tried I r-really did, just p-please...
Oda: no you didn't what type of friend are you even!? you just let me die!
And then he disappeared it caught dazai off guard at first then the floor under his disappeared and he started to fall, falling through an indescribable darkness and emptiness he wondered if it was supposed to represent him, he eventually hit the floor falling on his back, making him wince even if it was just a dream, he pushed himself up on his knees and looked up and there oda was standing in front of him looking down at him with a look of disgust like he was nothing, just a useless thing that got in the way
Oda: I hate you dazai... I don't know how anyone could love you or even remotely care about a person like you, every breath you take is nothing but a waste of air and you deserve to die I should've never saved you all those years ago
Dazai: w-what?.... Y-you don't m-mean that... odasaku do y-you?....
He said in an exasperated tone he couldn't fathom what he was hearing, he didn't wanna believe it but he knew everything he said was true
Oda: of course I mean it, you don't deserve anything just go rot in hell I'm sure no one will care you don't even deserve to be called human
He started to walk away leaving dazai crying on his knees unable to get, all he could do was reach his arm out wanting him to come back, say everything wasn't true and he just lied... yeah everything just had to be a sick joke... yeah...
Dazai: Odasaku!..... He yelled but his cries fell on deaf ears as oda started to slowly disappear into the darkness . . . .
...
Dazai shot up in his bed he was breathing heavily and on the verge of a panic attack, what oda had said couldn't be true could it? he thought to himself he didn't wanna believe it was true but what he had said kept re-playing over and over again in his head, his eyes started to burn and tears started to weld up in his eyes, don't cry don't cry don't cry he told himself over and over again in his head but it was no use the tears start to fall uncontrollably, he desperately tried wiping them away but it was futile they continued to fall no matter how many times he wiped, so he just let himself cry trying to be as quiet as possible the dorm room walls weren't exactly thin but they weren't sound proof either so you could hear anything if it was loud enough and kunikida's room was right next to his so he didn't wanna wake him up
|kunikida's Pov|
I woke up to the sounds of crying? Who could be crying was it atsushi? Was he having another nightmare from the past? No it was coming from the room next to me so it had to be.... Dazai, no it couldn't be him he never cries over anything maybe he's just messing with me he's definitely gonna be in for it if he's faking, I got out of bed and I put on my slippers and I left my room and went over to my door and opening it and taking my keys so I could unlock dazai's door just in case (he has a copy of dazai's room key for obvious reasons) I closed my own door and I went to dazai's room next to me I knocked first not to be rude and I got no answer, the crying I heard didn't stop I knocked again this time a little louder and still no answer, the crying continued there was no point to continue knocking if he couldn't hear me so I just took out the key and I unlocked his door and walked inside, the crying was louder and more clear it definitely didn't sound like it was fake so it honestly worried me, I closed the door quietly and I made my way to his room when I got there, I open the door slowly and there he was sitting on his bed and hugging his knees crying uncontrollably, it was a surprise to me I had never seen him cry I almost thought it was impossible for him to do so I quickly rushed over to him and put my hands on his shoulders and bend down a little to get a better look at him
|no one's Pov|
Kunikida: dazai what happening are you ok??
Dazai: k-kunikida... why are y-you here? uh I-I'm fine don't worry...
He said, quickly wiping his tears away hoping kunikida didn't see but it was too late kunikida wasn't gonna fall for his lies
Kunikida: are you sure? you were just crying really hard a few seconds ago so don't lie to me...
He said sternly his eyes narrowing a bit and dazai just looked away, there was no point in lying about him being fine but he didn't wanna tell kunikida the truth as to why he was crying, so he just stayed quiet wanting nothing more than to cry his eyes out, kunikida quickly noticed something was seriously wrong by the lack of an answer and how his eyes furrowed, his gaze softened and without warning he pulled dazai into a tight hug which surprised dazai causing him to flinch and quickly stiffen but eventually he melted into his touch it was a nice hug probably one of the nicest hugs he ever had, it was firm but soft at the same time
Kunikida: it's ok dazai you don't have to tell me anything but don't hold it in please, cry as much as you want I won't judge you...
He said in a soft and reassuring tone his words made dazai tear up and this time he didn't hold back he let himself cry, it was as if everything he was holding back over the years spilled out and kunikida just held him rubbing his back softly he wasn't judging him just like he said only comforting, him no words needed to be said he felt... Safe?
|later|
After about ten minutes of crying kunikida felt dazai's weight shift on his shoulder he lifted him up a bit to see him asleep looking as peaceful as ever despite the mental breakdown he just had, he laid dazai down on his bed and laid down next to him as well he didn't wanna leave him there by himself, dazai rolled over and hugged him in his sleep, kunikida hugged him back, it was nice even though he knew dazai would surely tease him for this the next morning but he didn't care all he wanted right now was to be there for his friend so he closed his eyes and slowly started to drift off to sleep as well
(1,739 words wow I think this is pretty good for not writing for months I hope you liked this)
Side note: I wrote this with the intention of them having a platonic friendship but you can interpret it however you want since I don't mind the ship