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The news hit the Port Mafia as soon as the sun rose.
Sakunosuke Oda had died, and Osamu Dazai disappeared from the organization over night.
Chuuya didn’t know how to react, initially. For a few days, he droned on as normal, doing his work, acting like nothing was wrong, eating, drinking water, the usual things people would do.
But, in the middle of the night, Chuuya had heard an explosion coming from the parking garage of his apartment building, and when Chuuya went to investigate, his car was blown to smithereens. Now, he was fucking pissed.
It didn’t need to take a genius to figure out who the hell blew up Chuuya’s car. He knew who it was.
The cork in his wine bottle popped clean off, angrily pouring the rich, red liquid into a glass, chugging it and slamming it down onto his counter with an angered huff.
“Bastard!” He seethed. He smacked his fist down with force, his teeth bared with frustration. “I hate him.” Chuuya swore, pouring himself more of the wine, downing it in four large gulps, “I hate him!” He insisted once again.
By this point, Chuuya didn’t even know who he was fooling. Dazai could have stabbed Chuuya, and he still could never bring himself to hate the devilishly charming man. As creepy as he was, Dazai was the first person who saw past Chuuya’s flaws. To be the first person to not use him for his ability. To be there by his side, no matter what.
Another large gulp of wine had Chuuya panting, his face feeling warm and a slight dizziness that began banging against his skull. He didn’t know if he felt angry, or sad, or both.
The words that slipped out were barely even registered. “Why didn’t he just say something…?” He asked himself, his voice meek and quiet, a question he’d been asking for days on end now. Desperation behind each time the words had crossed his mind.
Did Dazai not care about Chuuya in the same way Chuuya cared about him? Did Dazai not have a choice? If he did, why didn’t he at least show up to tell him? Did those three years mean nothing?
Chuuya held his face in his hands, his gloves being frustratedly torn off and tossed aside. He didn’t know whether to cry or to scream, or maybe even break something.
He’d felt heartache before. When the Flags died, or when the Sheep betrayed him, but this felt different, in a way.
Dazai was his trusted partner of three fucking years, and he couldn’t even say bye? Tell him? Leave a note? Not even a text? Fucking nothing?
Bile was stuck in Chuuya’s throat, shaking his head. Dazai was here. He was in Chuuya’s building—he had to have been to access the garage. He got in Chuuya’s car to place that bomb. He could see the little knickknacks he left in there, like small bandage wraps, or the stupid dog stickers stuck to every surface in the glove department, or even Dazai’s initials that he had carved into the passenger seat. He saw those, and still decided to leave without a so much as a word?
Chuuya felt his lips tremble, his hands curling into his hair. “Damn it, Dazai…” he whispered.
Chuuya held glasses in his hand, trying to get Dazai to sit still and force them onto his stupid face. Dazai squirmed like the worm he was, groaning and kicking, practically throwing a tantrum.
Dazai kicked Chuuya in the thigh, causing him to recoil slightly. Dazai ceased his thrashing for the fraction of a second, a small, worried blink before returning to scowling. “For the love of… wear the damn glasses, Dazai!” Shouted Chuuya.
Dazai hid his face behind his hands, “no! I don’t need to! I can see just fine!” He proclaimed. Chuuya glowered, stomping off further into the room. Dazai initially thought Chuuya had finally given up and released his hands from his face, only to see a sheet of paper, inches from his face with Chuuya looking very annoyed. “Yeah? Then what does this say?” He prompted.
There was an obvious strain in Dazai’s expression, his only visible eye squinting slightly. He hesitated, mouth moving before words left. Chuuya sighed. “The.. cow.. went.. moo…?” Dazai muttered with uncertainty.
Chuuya’s glare shifted to a look of bewilderment, his gaze slowly shifting to the paper in hand. “No, you idiot. This is a report from Monday.” He wriggled the paper in hus face, pointing to the words printed narrowly. Dazai plucked it from Chuuya’s grasp and held it far away from his face, an embarrassed flush dusting his cheeks. “There were no cows.” Chuuya deadpanned.
“I knew that!” He insisted, “I was just testing you.” Dazai turned his face and bit his cheek, his head sinking into his shoulders. Chuuya smirked, “you were testing me?”
“Uh-huh.” Dazai nodded. Chuuya crossed his arms, brow raised, “so it has nothing to do with the fact you’re so obviously farsighted?”
Dazai scoffed. “I’m not farsighted, Chuuuuyaaa.” He drawled, rolling his eye with a low grumble. Chuuya hummed noncommittally. “Then what would you call not being able to read for shit?” He proposed, a smug, shit-eating grin on his face. Chuuya was getting too big for his britches.
”I can read!” Dazai insisted, “I’ve always read at a higher level than people my age—“
He was interrupted by Chuuya sliding the glasses over his nose, his head tilted to the side and giving Dazai a cheeky grin. “Maybe, you’d read better if you can actually see two feet ahead of you.”
Dazai scowled, reaching a hand up to flick Chuuya on the forehead, his frown splitting into a grin as an uncharacteristic giggle escaped him. “Oh, you’re asking to get your ass kicked!” Chuuya exclaimed.
Dazai scowled at the motorcycle in front of him, a tremble in his lip with his eye narrowed. “I am not getting on that thing.” He remarked sharply. Chuuya rose a suspicious brow. “Don’t tell me you’re scared of a bike.” He snorted.
”That is not a bike! That is a death machine that’s unpredictable and dangerous!” Dazai exclaimed, kicking weakly at its wheel with a huff. Chuuya sighed and shook his head. “Well, my car isn’t here, and we really have to go to the mission site or else the Boss will be pissed… you wanna walk?” He smirked cheekily.
”I’ll just have Hirotsu drive me.” Dazai humphed, turning his head and biting on his cheek. “Hirotsu’s busy. We’re stretched pretty thin right now, Mackerel. You sure you wanna walk?” Chuuya waved a helmet in his hand, head tilted to the side as he gave Dazai a grin. He was mocking him.
Dazai grumbled, thinking it over with a concentrated look on his face. “What? I thought you wanted to die?” Chuuya sat down on the motorcycle and leaned his head into his hand.
“A painless death! If I die by this , my limbs will be blown off, or I have to bleed out, or, even worse , I survive and I’m in pain for months ! Or, or, or ! I get paralyzed !” Dazai blurted out frantically. Chuuya stifled a laugh, covering his mouth as soft snickers barely escaped past his lips. “Fine, fine. Will you get on already if I promise to not let you get remotely hurt?” He asked.
Dazai hesitated, walking over as if his feet were made of lead. “But my ability nullifies yours if we touch.” He reminded. He was finding more excuses by the second and looked to be sweating through his suit. Chuuya was dying of laughter, but he knew he couldn’t let it out or else Dazai would make a fuss over it.
“Then don’t touch me. I didn’t want you touching me in the first place.” Chuuya sighed, dragging his finger towards himself and patting the spot behind him. Dazai groaned and shakily seated himself behind the redhead, situating his hands just shy of Chuuya’s behind. He didn’t look very pleased. Chuuya snickered and placed the helmet on Dazai’s head, securing it with a few pats before revving up the bike and setting off.
Almost immediately, Dazai shrieked and clung onto Chuuya’s middle section, his arms wrapped around his body and hugging him close. “You liar !”
Chuuya felt an odd buzz in his stomach at their contact, a brief glance at the way Dazai clung to him. He swallowed before looking back on the road ahead. “You’ll be fine! Just don’t let go, kay?”
“I thought Chuuya didn’t want me to touch him!” Dazai spoke mockingly. Chuuya pinched Dazai’s hand, “shut up before I throw you off this thing myself.” He sighed.
Dazai groaned and held Chuuya close, his eyes squeezed shut and his grip tightly wound around his abdomen.
Chuuya curled his hair around his finger, looking up at it with a hum. “Do you think my hair’s getting too long, Kouyou?” He asked, looking over to the taller woman.
Kouyou looked in his direction and hummed as she walked over. “It looks nice as is, Lad. I don’t think you need much other than a nice trim to keep it looking healthy.” She gently grasped his orange locks in her hands, nodding to herself contently. “I can cut it if you’d like?” She offered.
Chuuya hesitated, frowning slightly. “I dunno… maybe I should grow it out?” He suggested meekly. Kouyou blinked as her red eyes scaled his appearance. “I can see that working for you.” She agreed. “Dazai, what do you think?”
Chuuya flinched, searching the room for the boy until he crept out of the shadows. Chuuya shuddered. “The hell, asshole?! Do you creep around like that all the time?” He yelped.
”Of course! How else do I learn how to annoy Chuuya more efficiently?” He grinned, prancing over and examining Chuuya’s hair. He felt embarrassed under Dazai’s intense gaze, averting his eyes abashedly. “Well, it’s hard to say. The slug is already so ugly!”
Chuuya growled and latched his hands onto Dazai’s neck, wriggling him around. “Bastard! I’ll kill you!” He snapped.
Dazai choked, but didn’t look too bothered. “Even if Chuuya has a very feminine appearance, I would much rather prefer dying by an actual woman’s hand!” He croaked out. Chuuya dropped him and crossed his arms. “Shut your trap, you scheming jackass!”
“Does Chuuya ever grow sick of using the same old insults over and over again?” Dazai wobbled around slightly, but had a lopsided grin on his face as he tugged on his collar. “Does Dazai ever get sick of making the same old height jokes?” Chuuya countered.
”Not in the slightest!” He joyously replied. Kouyou sighed and shook her head, combing her fingers through Chuuya’s hair, “I have a meeting to attend. Promise me you won’t kill each other while I’m gone?” She rose a brow, eyeing the boys suspiciously.
Chuuya grumbled, “yeah, sure, whatever.” He shot a glare at the smug brunet a few feet away from him. Kouyou hummed noncommittally and walked off.
Dazai threaded his fingers through Chuuya’s hair, making the other jump in surprise and pull away. “The hell?!”
” Whaaaat ? I wanted to see what all the fuss was about! Your hair is average. Why did Kouyou keep petting you like the doggy you are?” Dazai pouted. Chuuya huffed and fixed his hair, “shut up! I’m not a damn dog!” He hissed.
Dazai grinned, reaching over to run his hand through Chuuya’s bangs, but Chuuya slapped his hand away. “Hey! Cut that out!”
”But your hair color is so intriguing! It’s natural, right?” Dazai blinked inquisitively. Chuuya slowly nodded, keeping a hand on his head with a frown. “Uh-huh. Why…?” He narrowed his eyes at his partner with a low groan.
”I like Chuuya’s hair. That’s all.” Dazai shrugged.
Chuuya scoffed. “You just called it average!”
”In texture , you silly slug! It’s actually rather pretty to look at. You shouldn’t cut it.” Dazai nodded his head as he studied Chuuya’s appearance, a small smile of adoration etching his lips. “And you couldn’t say that to Kouyou when she asked, why, exactly?” Chuuya sighed.
Dazai got into Chuuya’s face, dragging the back of his hand along his cheek. “Isn’t it obvious?” He mused, “only person who can be like this with you, is me! Don’t want other people seeing it.” He curled his hand into Chuuya’s hair.
Chuuya froze, staring into Dazai’s eye with a small shudder running up his spine. His eye didn’t look as empty as it usually did. “Why’re you being so weird all of a sudden? You’re never this touchy.” He swatted Dazai’s hand away with a scowl.
”Can I braid your hair?” He asked.
“What?!”
Dazai nodded again, smiling, “pleaseeee, Chuuya? I won’t do anything to hurt you for once in my life!” He urged.
Chuuya sighed and sagged his shoulders. “ Fine .” He muttered.
Chuuya sat on the ground by Dazai’s legs while the (barely) taller boy ran his hands through Chuuya’s hair, rubbing into his scalp before getting into the braiding. Dazai was surprisingly sleek and quick with his braiding. He didn’t tug or anything.
”How do you even know how to braid hair?” Chuuya asked, lifting his head to look at Dazai. Dazai hummed and ruffled the bangs with a small laugh. “Before you came along, I was Kouyou’s hair guinea pig.” He explained. “She liked to braid my hair and would help me wash it. It’s curly, so it’s harder to manage on my own.” He shrugged, simply smiling at Chuuya, though, instead of his usual fake smile, this one was actually genuine. It was nice to look at.
Chuuya leaned further into Dazai, “you never cut your hair.” He mentioned. Dazai chuckled and nodded. “Not really, at least. I keep it the same if I can. Nothing other than this really suits me.”
“Didn’t think you were the type to care about your appearance.” Chuuya commented. Dazai tied off a braid, running his fingers along its side. “I used to. But then Mori said I was scaring the subordinates, so I had to groom myself more often. Bleh.” He rolled his eyes as he stuck out his tongue, pushing Chuuya’s braided hair off his shoulders. They were short, but his hair wasn’t very long in the first place.
Chuuya actually smiled. “I think I’d trust you more if you were always open like this.” He murmured, burying his lower face in his hand as he rested his arm on Dazai’s knee. Dazai laughed, something Chuuya didn’t know he needed to hear. His real laugh.
”We’ll see about that, Chibiko.”
”Aaaand you ruined it. Asshole.”
Chuuya sighed tiredly as he entered his apartment, setting his hat down on the rack before flicking on the lights.
Just as Chuuya was making his way to his kitchen, he spun around to see Dazai sitting on an armchair in the dark corner of Chuuya’s living room. Chuuya blinked, rubbing his eyes as if he was seeing something.
”What the hell are you doing over there?” He huffed. Dazai had a habit of breaking in, sure, but he was usually on display—lying on the couch by the door, sitting on the counter, Chuuya even once found him sleeping in his bed. “I thought you were from an enemy organization! I could have killed you, jackass!”
Dazai turned his head and huffed.
Chuuya furrowed his brows. No witty comeback?
”Dazai. Hello? Mackerel?” Chuuya snapped his fingers as he made his way over to the dramatic brunet. Dazai gave him a glare, making Chuuya pull away. “The hell’s gotten into you?!”
Dazai crossed his arms and puffed out his cheeks. “Chuuya’s disloyal.” He muttered. “Traitor.”
”What?!” Chuuya shrieked. Dazai pressed his knees to his chest and continued to glare. Chuuya stared at him in disbelief. “How the fuck am I a traitor?! I didn’t even do anything!”
”You went on a job with that new guy when you’re supposed to be my partner. No on else’s.” Dazai turned his head and pressed his cheek into his knee. Chuuya sighed and rubbed his temples. “You’re ridiculous…” he murmured.
Dazai grumbled at that, becoming more coiled up where he sat. “The Boss asked me help, that’s all. I’m not just your partner, you moron! I’m doing my goddamn job!” Chuuya reasoned.
“No. You are just my partner.” Dazai refuted. Chuuya whacked his knuckles to Dazai’s head, but not hard enough to hurt him. Dazai looked up at him, flinching when Chuuya leaned down slightly to look him in the eye. “Are you seriously trying to lay claim to me?”
Dazai buried his face in his legs, “disloyal dog.” He mumbled. Chuuya rose a suspicious brow. “Are you just jealous?” He asked.
Dazai suddenly shot up from here he buried himself, “no! That’s ridiculous! I’m simply angry that other people are using my dog when I earned the right fair and square!”
Chuuya broke out into a fit of giggles, holding his stomach and stumbling back slightly. “You’re such an idiot!” He laughed. Dazai groaned lowly, watching Chuuya with pink tinted cheeks. “‘M not jealous…” he argued again.
“Yeah, you’re not,” Chuuya patted his shoulder briefly and made his way into his kitchen. “You’re obsessed with me.”
Dazai stiffened, staring into Chuuya’s pretty, bi-colored eyes. He scowled. “Delusional as ever, pipsqueak!”
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, I suppose.” Chuuya shrugged. “I know your scrawny ass hasn’t eaten, so I’ll make something. Kay?”
“Chuuya has the culinary skills of a five year old.” Dazai grumbled. Chuuya propped his hands on his hips and glared. “Huh?! Better than having none at all! That’s why you’re practically all skin and bone! Get your ass in here and wait for me to finish cooking.” Chuuya pointed forcefully at the chair beside him. “Or else I’m having Mori send me on another job with someone else.”
Dazai gasped. “Chuuya’s so cruel! Unfaithful!” He wailed. “Oh, shut the hell up!” Chuuya complained.
The sound of giggles filled the halls of the Port Mafia headquarters as Dazai and Chuuya ran towards Mori’s office. The entire Port Mafia had been downstairs for a banquet after the completion of a rather difficult mission. Part of why Dazai and Chuuya were running around after hours and trying to find their own form of celebration (they weren’t allowed downstairs due to the fact that alcohol would be present).
Dazai grabbed a bobby pin from his back pocket and shimmied it around the lock. “Hurry, hurry, before someone sees and rats us out!” Chuuya urged.
”Hush! Let me concentrate!” Dazai whispered. He crouched down and inserted another stick from his pocket, jamming them around until the victorious click was heard. Dazai grinned. “Be look out, okay?”
“Get the Cha—“
”Chateau Margaux, yes, I know Chibi’s tastes.” Dazai squeezed Chuuya’s face briefly before slipping into the office. Chuuya felt as if he was going to fall apart. It was one thing stealing from targets, but it was another stealing from the Boss of the Port Mafia.
If Dazai was doing it, it would most definitely be seamless. But nerve wracking nonetheless.
Dazai slipped out with a bottle of wine in hand, grinning goofily. “Come on, let’s go!”
They dashed off to their office, quickly locking the doors and sliding down to the ground, breathing heavily. “If we get caught, I’m blaming you.” Chuuya panted, poking at Dazai’s chest with a smirk.
”Whaaat?! This is a night to celebrate, Chuuya! Be nice, just this once!” Dazai pleaded, grabbing Chuuya’s hand and batting his eyelashes at him. Chuuya grumbled and pulled his hand away. “Fine. I’ll try to be nice. Help me find the wine glasses I stashed.” He mumbled, standing up and began to look around the room. Dazai hummed happily, setting the wine on his desk before running around to help Chuuya look.
Chuuya placed the wine glasses down on the desk by the bottle, his brows furrowed with effort as he tried to pop the cork. Dazai snickered, “try using your Ability.” He suggested. Chuuya grumbled, but wrapped his hand around the cork and allowed a red aura to emit from his body before being transferred into the cork, allowing Chuuya to pluck it out with ease. Dazai grinned, clapping his hands.
Dazai sniffed at the red liquid suspiciously, swirling it around the glass until he saw Chuuya downing his first cup. The ginger blinked, looking a bit disorientated. Then, he giggled. “Try it! It’s good!” Chuuya insisted.
Dazai hummed noncommittally, cautiously bringing the drink to his lips, taking a slow sip. He smacked his lips, trying to get a better feel for its taste. “Not bad.” He agreed.
The two giggled like idiots as they continued to drink the wine—it was obvious that they were already drunk by the way their words were slurred and the redness on their faces.
“Hooow maad ya think Morri will bee?” Dazai asked. Chuuya made a face before grinning cheekily, “He won’t kno if we don’t tell himmm!” Chuuya replied with a snicker, drinking the last of the wine from his glass. Dazai giggled and leaned his head on Chuuya’s shoulder. “Heee'll nevr knoow!”
Dazai leaned back up, shaking his head with a shudder. He smiled drunkenly at Chuuya. The moonlight pouring in from the window nicely illuminated his face—from the freckles, to the heterochromatic eyes. “Y'know, yer like, reely purdy, slug!” Dazai commented. He reached his hand out to Chuuya’s face, chuckling softly.
”Den why doo ya alwais say I’m ugggly, ya ass-hat?!” Chuuya grumbled as he pulled away. Dazai shrugged, “gess I’m jusc skeered~”
Chuuya blinked. “O' whut?” He mumbled.
Dazai goofily chuckled, rubbing his head. “Becuz I jus' lik ya sooooo much! I kno I’m bein' a jerk, or whatev, but yer still my fave person, Chibiko!” He nodded his head eagerly.
Chuuya stared at him. “Yoo do? Yoo lyke meee?” He questioned. Dazai hummed, his coat being shrugged off with a low grumble. “I reelly dooo! An ya kno what I’ve reelly wanna dooo lately?”
“Huh? Whassit?” Chuuya slurred out. He brought a hand to rub his face tiredly. “I's really wanned t'kiss ya, ya know?” Dazai propped his hands down on the couch, tilting his head as he looked at Chuuya. Chuuya felt a tightening in his chest. His heartbeat racing. He swallowed. His mind finally came clear, the words Dazai said acted as a way to clear out the fogginess of his mind. “Then do it. Kiss me.” He spoke clearly, but he still felt a bit hazy.
Dazai straightened up. “I can…?” He mumbled. Chuuya nodded, his lips slightly quirking up into a smile. “Uh-huh.”
The brunet sighed in relief. “Thank god.” He breathed. He grabbed Chuuya’s face and kissed him. Chuuya melted into it almost immediately. Dazai’s hands held onto Chuuya as if he was afraid to let go, soft pants escaping into Chuuya’s mouth with each kiss.
Chuuya grasped at Dazai’s shirt, tilting his head to the side, his teeth scraping Dazai’s bottom lip. He jumped in alarm once their tongues briefly touched, but found himself searching for more.
Dazai sighed against him, pressing Chuuya into the back of the couch, his hand stroking his cheekbones so gently, like he was scared Chuuya would break. Chuuya’s tongue slipped into Dazai’s mouth, but he didn’t flinch, he pressed further into Chuuya, desperate for contact.
Chuuya could taste the wine on Dazai’s tongue, making his entire body shiver. His hands curled into Dazai’s brown locks, dragging his thumb across his temple. Dazai was putting his hands wherever he could possibly reach—Chuuya’s stomach, his chest, his back, his neck, his hair, his face, his legs. Something about it felt so right. To have Dazai be so intimate with him in a way no one had before. Each touch he left behind felt like cold zaps in the best way possible. It might’ve been the alcohol speaking, but it felt perfect to him.
Chuuya tugged lightly on Dazai’s hair before trailing his hands down to his back, running his fingers along his spine. Dazai made a soft sound, pulling away from the kiss to catch his breath. Chuuya licked his lips, chest heaving as he stared into Dazai’s lidded eye.
“More wine…?” Chuuya muttered. Dazai blinked rapidly, as if gathering himself. His hand slowly reached Chuuya’s face, “forget the fucking wine, I just want to keep kissing you.” Dazai whispered. Chuuya chuckled softly and cupped the back of Dazai’s head. “I like this side of you.” He mused, pulling Dazai in for another kiss.
Chuuya’s heart squeezed at the memories. His jaw clenched tightly as he rested his cheek against his counter, arm cushioning his head. A choked feeling found its way in his throat. “Fucking bastard…” he whimpered out.
His hand clutched around the now empty wine glass, a loud shatter following as he threw it into the wall. “Bastard!” He shouted. He threw the bottle of wine next, red liquid splattering onto the walls as shards of glass collected on the floor.
Dazai interlocked his fingers with Chuuya’s, holding his hand to his cheek. “I’ll always be right here, Chuuya. You’ll never be able to get rid of me~!”
Chuuya balled his hand into a fist. “And yet… I got rid of him… I should be glad, really.” He whispered. “But still…” his voice got caught in his throat. They had something special, and… kaput. Just like that. It’s gone.
“Fucking asshole!” Chuuya punched his hand into one of the walls, drywall crumbling off as Chuuya crouched down, hands supporting his head. Hot tears rolled down his cheeks. “I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him.” He repeated, a mantra to himself.
Like those three years never happened.
They never happened.
He didn’t fall in love him.
He would never fall in love with him.
“Fuck.” Chuuya cursed. He was in love with him. He did fall in love with Osamu Dazai. “I love him.”