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English
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Published:
2025-03-14
Updated:
2025-10-09
Words:
23,919
Chapters:
12/?
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Kudos:
38
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If You See a Star at Night

Summary:

Lily Evans turns up to platform nine and three quarters with her parents, a wand, an owl, a trunk full of clothes and books and parchment, and her best friend.

Sirius Orion Black turns up with all that, minus one best friend and plus one sibling. They pass each other on the platform at one point, Lily looking around in wonder, Sirius hurrying onto the train and out of the watchful gaze of his mother.

James Fleamont Potter does not pass either of them on the platform, because in his excitement to finally get to Hogwarts he forgets his owl and his trunk, so his father has to apparate home to get them, and James very nearly misses the train.

Remus Lupin barely even believes he's here. He spends the whole of summer ignoring the hope on the horizon- there’s this fear, tucked into the back of his throat, that if he’s too excited about it, it might be snatched away.

-

this may be a fix-it fic, but there's seven years and a war to go before it gets there. This is a love letter to the fandom i've been in for the longest, and so really it does deserves to be the longest thing i've ever written.

Notes:

Title of the fic taken from ‘The Killing Type’- Amanda Palmer

'I once stepped on a dying bird
It was a mercy killing
I couldn't sleep for a week
I kept feeling its breaking bones

I've heard
That if you see a star at night
And the conditions are just right
And you are standing on a cliff
Then you can close your eyes
And make a wish
And take a step
And change somebody's life'

Title of the chapter from ‘Home’ by Cavetown

Tentatively rated teen and up. May change to mature for violence.

Chapter 1: His hair’s a mess and he doesn't know who he is yet

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

The staircase at 12, Grimmauld Place, London, is old, and creaks like a boggart in a closet, and doesn’t allow for sneaking around, unless you’re prepared to cling to the wall and inch your way down three stories practically tiptoeing on the skirting board at snail’s pace to soften the transfer of your weight downward, and all without disturbing a single portrait. Or decapitated house elf, for that matter. Sirius Orion Black, eleven years old, pernicious, incorrigible, and a bad influence on his little brother, is prepared to do most any ridiculous thing at any given time. He is, however, caught by Kreacher on the first floor and is therefore entirely unsuccessful in his goal.

He gets yelled at for it, and his mother cracks his fingers open on the banister. It happens so quickly he almost doesn’t believe it has happened, except for the shape of fractured white bone etched onto the backs of his eyelids. She fixes them quickly, but the pain still haunts him. The clean snap of bone. Regulus watches from the floor above, nine and half in shadow.

Sirius glowers at Kreacher and clutches at his fingers, trying to stop them from shaking. He’s lucky that his mother fixed his fingers full stop, given what a tizzy everyone is in- Andromeda’s getting married to Rodolphus Lestrange in three weeks, and the Black household is a sort of hellish whirlwind of wedding preparation.

 

‘What were you even trying to do?’ Regulus asks, leaning forward to watch their mother storm down the stairs.

“I just wanted to say goodbye to Andie. I’m leaving in a week, you know,” Sirius replies, turning to scowl at Walburga’s retreating form. Regulus’ eyes flatten to stone, and he moves back, into the shadows of his doorway.

“Obviously I know.” Sirius glances towards his brother and softens, leaning over to tuck Regulus into his side.

“you’ll be fine without me; I know you will.”

“Siri-“

“I’m the troublemaker, remember? You’re the golden boy here.” Sirius laughs, softly. “I can never stop myself from fighting with her, but you’ve got that natural knack for survival. You’re not like me, you know better than to throw yourself off a cliff just to spite her.”

“I’m still standing on the cliff edge.” Regulus turns his face into Sirius’ shoulder to hide the tear that snakes its way down his face.

“Then enjoy the sea breeze while you’re there. And- and you can look up at the night sky, whenever you get lonely, and I’ll be there, ok?’

Regulus buries himself in his brother’s chest, shaking silently.

“And in two years, you can join me at Hogwarts. Two years isn’t that long, really. We can play on the quidditch team together, that will be fun, won’t it?” Regulus nods, slightly, and Sirius manages a shaky smile for him.

“What if you get new friends your own age and you’re too cool to hang out with your little brother”, Regulus whispers, and Sirius tilts his jaw up to look him solemnly in the eye.

“I will never be too cool for my little brother.”

 

 

Sirius does get to say goodbye to Andromeda, though it’s rushed, and Bellatrix is glaring at them the whole time.

“what’s her deal?” he asks, and Andie smiles tightly and does this little shake of her head.

“Just middle chid jealousy.”

Bellatrix is sitting on the stairs, Andromeda above her on the landing. Sirius stands beneath them both in the hallway- Andie seems far away, in more ways than one. She doesn’t look well, pale and drawn, knuckles tight against the stair railing.

“You’ll love Hogwarts” she says, the light reaching her eyes this time, and he grins up at her- he’ll miss Regulus, and probably spend half his time worrying about him, but-

Hogwarts. Freedom. Sirius Orion Black, pernicious, incorrigible, and a bad influence on his little brother, is going to Hogwarts.

 


 

“It’s not cool, Lily, it’s weird. Weird and wrong, and, and, freaky, like your weird friend”

“Severus isn’t weird, Petunia!”

“Yes! Yes, he is weird! He has no friends and he’s miserable and he doesn’t like me because he wants you to be lonely and miserable like he is!”

“He doesn’t like you because you’re mean, Tuney!”

“You think you’re so special just because you can make strange things happen, but you’re not special, Lily, you’re a freak.”

“So what if I’m a freak? You’re jealous of my freakiness”

“I am not

“You are! Severus says-“

“Oh, Severus says? Severus doesn’t know anything about me!”

“Tuney-“

“Go away. GO AWAY, Lily. Go and play with your freak powers and your freak friend.”

 


 

Lily Evans turns up to platform nine and three quarters with her parents, a wand, an owl, a trunk full of clothes and books and parchment, and her best friend.

Sirius Orion Black turns up with all that, minus one best friend and plus one sibling. They pass each other on the platform at one point, Lily looking around in wonder, Sirius hurrying onto the train and out of the watchful gaze of his mother.

 

Lily and Severus find a compartment together- there’s someone else there already, a small boy, asleep and hunched into the window, a faded, jagged scar cutting harshly across his drawn face. Severus sneers- “already asleep, and the train hasn’t even started moving. That’s a Hufflepuff if I’ve ever seen one.”

Lily frowns.

“don’t be so quick to judge, Severus, that’s not nice. I’m sure it’s not Lupin’s fault that he’s tired.”

Severus turns to her, startled.

“Wh- how do you know his name?” Lily raises an eyebrow, and points to the trunk above the boy’s head, which reads ‘R. J. Lupin’. Severus gets that look on his face that he sometimes gets, when he realises he’s not the smartest person in the room. Lily giggles at him- much to his chagrin- before drawing him into a conversation about potions to smooth his frown.

 


 

James Fleamont Potter does not pass either of them on the platform, because in his excitement to finally get to Hogwarts he forgets his owl and his trunk, so his father has to apparate home to get them, and James very nearly misses the train and barrels into a compartment at the last moment. He grins broadly at the other occupants, two boys his age, as he collapses in a seat, struggling for breath.

“Hey! I’m James Potter, it’s great to meet you.”

“Peter Pettigrew. It’s nice to meet you, too” One of the boys says- short, and blonde, in muggle clothes- shooting a timid smile back to James.

“I’m Sirius. Black.” Says the other- he looks like a Black, all porcelain skin and guarded, flinty eyes. James jolts, turning his entire body towards him in surprise.

“Black? And you’re not moving to get away from a Potter? Seriously?” Peter’s eyes flicker between them, anxious. Sirius smiles wryly.

“I think you’ll find I’m always Sirius.”

James cackles, delighted.

 

Notes:

Thanks for reading, leave a comment if you enjoyed!

I have a lot of thoughts, so buckle in.

Hi! I’ve been in the fandom for a longgg time now, but never written fanfic for it (sidenote, there’s so many new people here! Where did you come from? Why?) I’ve been struggling to find fics that are long all-the-way-through-hogwarts fics, but that also have a happy ending. I have to abandon many of my favourite fics halfway through because while I adore angst I can’t bear a tragedy. So- this fic! Don’t expect the fix-it to come in too soon, as I said, I adore angst, but trust me I will not be allowing you to spend hours reading a fic that only leads to everyone you love dying. I’m not tagging everyone lives/nobody dies, I want to leave that door open for myself just in case, - this fic is all planned out but sometimes unexpected things happen in the moment lol- so don’t expect a utopia, but it will definitely not be canon levels of tragedy (not that we in any way respect canon in this household)

And now for some more specific notes about this chapter:

- I adore Grimmauld place as a setting. It has this really interesting dichotomy of being both this grandiose pureblood townhouse and also very dark and cramped and uncomfortable. This will not be the last we see of Grimmauld place.
- I am aware that Andromeda is the middle child, and Bellatrix is the oldest. Here, I have swapped them for plot reasons, and because I’ve always pictured Andromeda as an older sister. So Andromeda has just left hogwarts, and is eighteen, Bellatrix is seventeen and going into seventh year, whilst Narcissa is the baby at 15, going into fifth year.
- I have. Feelings. About Petunia and Lily’s relationship. Actually I have feelings about sibling relationships in general.
- Yes, I gave Lily a Hermione moment with the ‘R. J. Lupin’ bit. God is dead and we are scrapping canon for parts.
- Severus Snape is not a character I like, as may be obvious from this chapter, but I’m going to do my best to treat his character with nuance and empathy, especially in the early years when he’s, y’know, a literal child
- Peter, similarly, I do not like. I’m a couple chapters into the writing of this and still trying to get my head round him as a character, and his motivations. If you have any insights, or even just any interesting head canons about Peter, please share :)
- It’s hysterical to me that James’ middle name is Fleamont
- You know I had to end the chapter with a Sirius/serious pun. This is the entire basis for James and Sirius’ friendship