Chapter Text
It was like any other day. I woke up in my apartment, alone. It really wasn't special. I just had my morning coffee, sat down and read through every webtoon that came out. I like reading them in the morning, it’s like a morning ritual now. I don't remember when exactly I got into webtoons, but it just started one day and I never got over it. It was Itadori who showed me the world of webtoons. If I remember it right, it was a story about people with superpowers.
The story was so like him. I never completed it, but I enjoyed it when he was talking about it on the train back from our duo mission. He was so excited when he got to tell me all about the main character. He was shining like the sun. It was an exceptionally hard mission so seeing him relax over his favorite story was nice. Seeing him smile after we dealt with the curse. He was cute, I already accepted that I feel that way. He was so not my type but at the same time he played right into my life and planted himself there. It was annoying at first but I've gotten used to his presence now.
I caught myself with a smile on my face. I shook it off, it's just a stupid crush. I took a sip from my coffee, my hair getting in the way. I really need a haircut. But Itadori said it looked nice longer and that's a good enough reason for me to wait with the scissors. It's not just that, I quite like it myself. Or well I've grown to like it even though it sometimes gets in the way. Everything really is about him.
My life grew pretty predictable when I worked with him. Sometimes when I got home, I’d be greeted with a grin from both Gojo and Geto. It's always after our duo missions too. They always ask the same thing: “How was it?”. The answer too never changes: “As always, the same.” I wish it would change one day, but i'm already at chapter 50 of a slow burn and even that is moving faster than my lovelife. I sometimes feel lonely and I can't fall asleep. But it will go away one day.
I take the cup to the sink and leave it there. I have to go. I pretend to run into my room, to feel a little more productive. I take my uniform, god it smells like him. I stop myself from inspecting it farther and I slip into it. I try to style my hair, but all it does is stay in one place. I grab my shoes and I'm flying out the door. Phone in my right hand and in my left a shoe I am trying to put on in a hurry.
I slip through the corridors of the apartment complex and I find myself on the streets of Tokyo. It's not so far from the place we've been called today, so I just walk there. On my way there I can't help but notice how nice the sunrise is. The pinks and reds remind me of him. I stop myself from that though and for the rest of the way I keep my eyes on the road.
The map shows the image of the roads I'm now taking, the place is just a few minutes away from here now. I make a right turn, it seems to lead into some back alleyway. It was a shortcut. After all, I'm a sorcerer, I've dealt with worse cases than just some weirdos living here. I pay them no mind, I mind my own business and soon I'm on the other side of it. I don't want to admit it to myself but I sigh in relief when I'm far away from there.
The distance is getting shorter and shorter when I see him. He's standing on the corner with his arms crossed over his chest and head rested back on the wall. He doesn't notice me at first but I step on some rock and make a noise after which he turns to me. He had a worried face, but when he saw it was me I could swear I saw a spark in his eyes. Maybe he was glad to see me. Maybe he was just glad it wasn’t a curse.
“Fushiguro, you took your sweet time.”
He's smiling, that smile, that heartbreaking smile of his that makes my knees go weak and my thoughts let loose.
“You're the one who came 10 minutes early.” I was actually thinking if it was an excuse for Itadori to hang out before the mission, or well I secretely hoped it was. He smirks and walks over to me.
“Nope, Gojo actually sent me a message saying to come earlier because he wanted to catch up with me, but he hasn't showed up yet.” Itadori showed me the message.
As I read through it he was right. As Itadori said, Gojo asked him to come early. Why would Gojo do something like thi- no he didn't. I grab my phone quickly from my pocket. A new message just popped up on the screen. “Have fun, I'll be there in 10.” This guy is unbelievable, I really can't believe he'd send us here, to a place where the 2 grade curse wanders by itself, just so he can practice his match making skills.
I'm looking down on my phone, on one hand I'm kinda glad I can spend some time with Itadori, but on the other it's a pretty dangerous place to be in without Gojo guarding us. Something suddenly hits me. I look up at the buildings towering over us. I could bet I just saw white hair. I scratch my face, he's really like a teenager.
“Hey whats up, you saw him on your way here.” He looked so confused, poor guy doesn't even know he's a part of a game. A game that's been planned by none other than our sensei.
„I have no idea where da-Gojo is or could be, but he's probably buying souvenirs or sticking his nose where he shouldn ’t.” I made sure the last part was a bit more loud, so even if he were really far he'd hear me.
Itadori looked me up and down, probably judging me. But no, he put his arm around my neck and laughed. “You tell him Fushiguro.” His reaction was so cute, I couldn’t hold back my smile, he noticed but didn’t tease me about it.
“So we’re waiting here then.” he broke the silence.
“I think it's for the best if we wait for someone who’s Special grade, I'm not implying that you're weak or anything it’s just dan-”
“It's fine, I know, we need back up just in case. It's not about us but the consequences, am i right?”
I looked at him a little awed, “yeah you're right.” I looked down, he's actually one of the kindest people I know. He's got a tuff shell but he's really just a softie.
“So Fushiguro, Gojo told me something about a serious situation, something that has to do with you.” I almost choked but I kept my head cool.
“What exactly did Gojo tell you?”
“Oh you know, that you're all alone in your apartment and that he’s worried about your mental health.” He looked at me so sincerely, “are you struggling?”
I wanted to say I was okay because I was, but something told me that this could bring us closer so I acted selfishly.
“I mean, kinda, it's pretty lonely in my apartment most of the time. But it's not like I'm seriously struggling.” I hope Gojo is watching right now cause this is the closest to confession I'll ever get.
“Umm right, so I actually wanted to move from jujutsu dorms for a while now and, well if I paid half of the rent is there a chance I could move in with you,” he looked a little scared asking the question, almost like he was a burden.
“You Know what, that's actually a good idea. I've been getting quite short on rent and I was planning on moving back to the dorms, so this would actually help me.” Of course I could have asked Gojo to help me but I didn't have to tell him that. His whole demand changed and he was suddenly shining.
“Fushiguroo does this mean we're roommates,” he yells out.
“I guess it does.” My heart was about to burst but I tried to keep my composure.
“Wait so this is making us official buddies right, not just fellow jujutsu students.”
I thought about what Itadori said before too, i didn't even know where our professional career ended and the friendship started. Or if it ever was a friendship. Was I being too harsh on him? Did he seriously believe I was never more than just a companion of his.
“Is that a serious question?”
“I mean we never confirmed it or agreed on it,” he said looking a bit taken aback by my question. Why were we like this, it's like a bad dream, he really looks unsure. Maybe I just need to be more honest.
„Well i think we are friends, we've been through so much together it would be almost impossible not to be, don't you think.” His eyes grew bigger and I swear I saw him blush too, but that was probably just my mind playing tricks on me. Nothing I'm not used to by now.
„I know right, I mean we've known each other for almost 3 years now and I think I get the idea of who you are.” He was right, in two months it would be 3 years since we've met.
„That long already, I guess the time really does fly by.” It was weird to think that the guy standing right in front of me was once a stranger. No-more than just a person, no-more than a soul wandering the world all by itself.
Where would you be if you hadn't consumed the cursed finger? If your friends didn't accidentally open the seal of the most dangerous cursed object. And I can't forget your heroic acts. The ones where you did not only save your friends and the people you knew, but you risked your life for a complete stranger like me. I think that's why I couldn't bear seeing you die right in front of me.
Me being a helpless idiot watching you bleed out on the ground beneath you. Your heart tossed aside on the ground, but your smile. You smiled until your last moment. Reassuring me, it wasn't my fault. Saying everything would be okay. I wish you knew just how much those words stuck to me.
It however didn't stop me from crying over your motionless corpse. It burned a hole through my heart, having to let you go. Even after so little of knowing you, losing you was more than just not seeing you again. It was like a rope that had stopped me. Like I was tied to a pole and I couldn't get the knot loose no matter how hard I tried. I couldn't go on without thinking of you. Everyday I would wake up and swear to Gojo I could feel in my guts that you're alive. He'd always hug me telling me it's not my fault, but all I could do was lay in my bed and fight the tears.
I swear I cried my eyes out for you. I even used the receipt you taught me. Even Gojo liked it. He didn't question where I learned it from and I never told him. One day when Gojo came home, he was smiling more than ever. Like he had just accomplished something groundbreaking. I questioned him, but he didn't budge. Now I know he was proud. He was proud of the man you had become. Throughout the time I thought you were dead, you and him were hanging out and getting stronger.
The day you surprised all of us, I couldn't believe my eyes. I was stunned, I was glad, but I was also mad. I was mad at you for making me believe you died. And I was mad at Gojo. How could he come home everyday to me crying, and the only thing he ever did was tell me it's not my fault. How could the both of you keep that ‘minor’ detail to yourself. I felt played. I didn't talk to Gojo for a while after that and even you, I was glad you weren't dead, but I didn't want to be in the same room as you. You who made me feel every emotion there is to feel and then decided to just jump back expecting a warm welcome. I was stubborn. And I was scared to admit how your death made me feel.
That's why I locked myself away from you. I didn't want to admit that I cared for you a little too much. Perhaps more than a friend would. What if Gojo told you how broken I was or how I cooked those meatballs almost every day for him. I hope he didn't mention how I cried every day or maybe you know about that too, that's why I was scared to show you my face. I couldn't bear to see your face twitch in disgust. I could never bear to see you uncomfortable, especially because of me. But now we’re here and you talk to me like you always would and I can't stop wondering if you know all of this or did he not tell you anything.
You're talking to me but even then I grab my phone and start to write those words to him. There they are on my screen, the message I just sent reads “just what did you tell him while he was gone”.
Itadori suddenly lowers my phone and looks at me. “Hey Fushiguro, you there?” and it kinda catches me off guard. I look at him, he's a bit too close for me to focus. I just stare at him, lost in his gaze and all that's going through my head is how beautiful his eyes are. He doesn't look away, he's here looking me right in my eyes, not breaking eye contact. He seems lost too, I wonder what he's thinking right now.
“Yuj-Itadori?” I look at him waiting for a response. He seems to be thinking about it too. When he finally opened his mouth to say something my phone buzzes.
I tried to ignore it, but it was too late and the momentary tension was lost. I grumble under my breath, now I just wish I didn't send him the message at all. Itadori looks away and awkwardly changes his weight from one foot to the other. I hesitated at first but then I took out my phone.
Gojo. I'm a little glad that it wasn't just another popup ad. I unlock my phone and I'm welcomed with “I told him it really took you out, trust me he wanted to tell you. I told him to wait till the games”
“you’re watching us aren’t you”
“Oh heyy now I respect the privacy of my students”
“You of all people have no right to say that”
“I'm making sure your little ‘interactions’ don't get interrupted” I blushed and closed the phone. So he saw that too.
I glance at Itadori, he's just standing there fidgeting with his sleeve. I turn to him, taking in his appearance. The sunrise made his hair this cute little red tinted pink. I smile and before I catch myself he's looking right at me. I stutter but I really dont say anything. I blush and hide myself behind my uniform. All I can do right now is just stand there and hope I didn't embarrass myself too much. I'm ready for anything, for him to frown or make fun of me, no actually Itadori would never make fun of me like this. It surprised me when I saw the smile, you're actually smiling.
“What's that Fushiguro, got something stuck in my hair?”
“Yeah, well no, it's just the sunrise is pretty. It makes your hair shine.”
“Did you just compliment me? Well I guess you did change a little while I was gone,” he looks down, guild all over his face, he was hurt.
“About that. I am sorry about what I did, I shouldn't have ignored you. You deserved a warm welcome.”
“It's okay and I'm sorry about dying on you,” he chuckled. It sounded unreal to say that.
“Idiot. I hope you’re not planning on doing that again.”
“I’m not dying any time soon, come on trust me a little?”
I wish I could trust him, but I know how itadori is, he's going to try sacrificing himself if it ever comes to me. He could never be safe if we were to be together. That's why I need to keep my distance. This is not my place to be selfish.