Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Natalie stands from the locker room bench, holding her bag as though she intends to leave, knowing full well she has no plans to. She fakes a smile, waves to Taissa, mutters a goodbye to Van and watches as everyone else leaves.

It’s the same thing she’s been doing for the past three weeks. Her dad’s accident was a few months back and while Nat’s mother had never been the easiest woman to live with, she’s now become entirely unbearable. It’s drinking all night and sleeping all day, straying from routine only to yell at Nat or attend the occasional shift, though that’s become increasingly rare.

So, Natalie began waiting for the rest of the team to leave after practice, before sneaking into the equipment shed and bundling into a spare goal in the back left corner, covering herself with a tarpaulin for warmth, with her backpack acting as a pillow. It’s not too uncomfortable, especially now that she’s used to it, it’s more the risk of getting caught by their equipment manager, Misty Quigley or one of the coaches that poses a challenge. It’s a good thing that Nat is used to dodging authority figures and getting herself out of trouble.

“Last to leave again?” A voice mutters behind her. Nat immediately recognises it and turns to face… Lottie.

Natalie shrugs with all the nonchalance she can muster. “What’s it to you?”

Her and Lottie aren’t friends, they run in wildly different circles and while they had managed to build up enough of a rapport at practice for Nat not to feel completely uncomfortable around her, ever since her dad’s death, Natalie hasn’t exactly been the most sociable person ever. She certainly isn’t about to let rich girl Matthews learn that she’s practically homeless.

Lottie rolls her eyes, “Fine, be a dick. I’ll see you around.” And with that, she jogs out the room and Nat watches her go with a strange sense of longing that she despises.

Once she’s certain that Lottie and any other stragglers are gone, she heads out and does her usual routine of picking the shed lock with the paper clip she stole from biology.

The night is colder than it’s been since her first night here and Nat has to chuck on another one of the shirts she’d managed to pack just to keep her teeth from chattering. She’s only just getting comfortable beneath the tarp when she hears the lock click in the door.

Her heart stops.

Coach Scott appears and his eyes widen as they land on her. “Jesus, Nat! I thought you were a raccoon! What the hell are you doing in here?”

Nat freezes. She doesn’t know what to say. She can’t possibly tell her coach the truth, not when her friends don’t even know. So, she grabs her bag and stands, attempting to exit the room.

As she passes him in the doorway, Coach calls out, “Nat, wait!” He grabs her arm and Nat immediately flinches, yanking herself out of his grasp in horror.

She watches his eyes soften slightly, “I’m sorry, Natalie. I promise I’m not gonna hurt you.” His tone is gentle but Nat can’t help feeling patronised by his kindness, she hates being treated as though she’s fragile.

“What were you doing in there?” Coach asks calmly.

Nat sighs, “Would you snitch if I said drugs?”

Coach chuckles lightly, stepping a little closer to her. “Natalie, I’m serious. I don’t want to have to tell Coach Martinez or your mother about this, but I may have to-“

“No!” Nat said urgently, feeling immediate anxiety at the idea of getting her mother involved, or giving the people who already look down on her anymore reason to. “Just… let me leave, Coach. I’ll be fine.”

Natalie doesn’t wait for a response, just barges past him, desperate to be free of this uncomfortable situation. She only makes it about three feet before her backpack slips off her shoulder and falls to the ground, revealing her toothbrush, deodorant, eyeliner, a pair of jeans, underwear and the four band tees she’s been wearing in rotation, the only things she’d managed to stash in her bag before disappearing into the night.

Nat falls to her knees, scooping up the stuff one by one, shoving them back in her bag. She doesn’t meet Coach’s eyes, doesn’t even acknowledge him, partly out of embarrassment but also partly because she hopes that if she ignores him, he somehow won’t piece together what’s happening. Of course, as per usual, the world is firmly against her.

Coach Scott crouches down next to her, picking up her toothbrush and holding it out to her. Natalie sighs, still not making eye contact as she takes it, mumbles a thanks and puts it away.

“Nat…” Coach mutters quietly, tentatively. Natalie hates it, hates being treated like a ticking time bomb. “Are you… have you been sleeping here?”

Nat huffs, “What? Of course not.” Only, Natalie has never been a great liar.

“Natalie.” Coach says, placing a hand on her shoulder. Nat shrugs it off. “I know what happened to your father, does this have anything to do with that?”

Natalie immediately feels herself becoming defensive, “You don’t know anything about that… about me.”

Coach doesn’t back down, despite her harsh tone. He’s always had patience with Natalie and it only makes her feel worse. “Nat, do you need help?”

Nat shakes her head, “No.”

Coach Scott has always been her favourite member of staff at this stupid school. He’s never punished her unfairly and treats her exactly the same, sometime even better, than the other girls. Still, this doesn’t mean she’s in any way ready to accept his help, not when she’s perfectly capable of taking care of herself.

He sighs, “You’re stubborn, I get it. You don’t want to admit that you’re in trouble, but I’m your coach Nat, I’m here to look after you.” He pauses as though trying to decide something, then speaks again, “Stay here tonight, I won’t tell anyone yet. But tomorrow… come home with me.”

Natalie feels shock come over her like a bucket of ice water. “What?”

Coach places both his hands on Nat’s shoulders, and for whatever reason, she doesn’t pull away this time. “I’ll have to clear it up with my boyfriend and our foster daughter, and also talk to our social worker about it, but I really think I could take care of you.”

Nat isn’t sure why, but the only thing she can manage to do in that moment is chuckle in disbelief, “Is that not like… inappropriate or something? Besides, I’m not the kinda kid who’d be caught dead living with a teacher.”

Coach laughs too, “I’m not forcing you, okay? But while you’re freezing to death in that shed, refusing to call your mother, just… think about it, alright?”

Natalie shrugs, trying desperately to act as though this offer means nothing to her, to act like she couldn’t care less. “Alright Coach.”

He leaves and Natalie nestles herself back into her shed corner. Coach Scott’s offer weighs heavy on her mind all night.

_____

“You want Natalie Sca-whore-ccio to live with us?!” Mari exclaims in pure outrage. It’s hard enough having to keep the secret of living with your coach, but one of her teammates too? She’d simply die.

“Don’t call her that.” Ben scolds in his carer voice, not entirely unlike his coach voice, but ten times more grating for Mari.

Paul flops down on the sofa beside Mari and places a hand on her shoulder, “Come on, Mars bar, it won’t be that bad. I’m fine with it as long as she’s not too much trouble.”

Mari snorts, “Natalie Scatorccio practically invented trouble.” Ben shoots her a furious look.

He sighs, “She’s great. Just gets a bad rap because she was dealt a shitty hand at life, but we can help with that.”

Paul shrugs, “Well, since you’re vouching so passionately for her, I’m sure it’ll all be good.”

Mari throws her head back and lets out a loud, admittedly exaggerated, sigh. “Fine! But I swear to God if she touches any of my stuff or mentions anything about this at school, I’ll… well, I don’t know what I’ll do but it’ll be bad.”

Paul chuckles from beside her, despite the fact that she’s dead serious and Ben still appears to be too.

“Mar…” Ben begins cautiously, like he’s aware that the answer to whatever he asks will likely be no. “Nat is a little on the fence about moving in, so I was hoping that after practice tomorrow, you could-“

“Nuh-uh. No way.” Mari shakes her head violently in protest, only really succeeding in giving herself a headache.

Ben sighs, “Look, I’m not telling you to bind her wrists, gag her and chuck her in a white van, okay? Just, let her know that the offer will always stand and that we’re good people, alright?”

Mari nods begrudgingly, slumping further against the sofa. Ben thanks her, then exits the room, leaving Mari with Paul and her own thoughts.

She doesn’t despise Nat, she’s a great player, pretty funny and always has beer to spare. But the two of them are far from friends, in fact Nat is exactly the type of girl Mari’s friends mock for fun (which there’s really nothing wrong with if they never overhear, right?) and Mari is fairly certain that Natalie’s friends probably do the same and hate on the ‘normies’ or whatever it is that those type of kids say.

“Penny for your thoughts, Mars bar?” Paul asks suddenly, yanking on one of her pigtails. Mari sways his hand away and he laughs, borderline maniacally.

“Just not exactly thrilled to let someone on the team know that I live with the Coach.” Mari grumbles, positively dreading it.

Paul looks slightly dejected, but covers it up quickly. Mari feels a little sliver guilt creeping in, but she won’t apologise for having school survival instincts.

“It’ll be fine, Mari.” Paul says, standing up to leave the room. “You’re just melodramatic.”

_____

Practice is business as usual except for the fact that Mari can hardly focus because of the mission Ben has given her, to speak to Natalie. She slips at one point, nearly taking Melissa out with her and is easily, embarrassingly tackled by Shauna in the middle of a scrimmage. It’s also like -100 degrees outside, so Mari feels like her fingers are going to snap off. All in all, it’s not exactly her perfect day.

When Coach Martinez blows his whistle to signal the end of practice, Mari catches Ben’s eye. He throws her a look that she knows him well enough to understand means ‘Don’t fuck up. I trust you.’

She sighs, but resigns herself to lingering behind when everyone clears out of the locker room.

“You coming, Mar?” Gen asks as she walks backwards towards the door.

“Nah, I just need to grab something before I leave.” Mari shrugs as casually as she can.

If Gen caught her bullshit, she doesn’t call it out which Mari is extremely grateful for. She watches as everyone else slowly trickles out the room until it’s just her, Natalie and Lottie.

Lottie glances at Mari as if she expects her to leave first, Mari just raises an eyebrow at her. Why does Lottie want to wait for Natalie so bad?

“See ya, Nat. Bye Mari.” Lottie mutters as she wanders out the room.

Natalie is throwing some things in her locker, so painfully in her own world. Mari clears her throat. She gets no response, so she does it again. And again.

Eventually, Mari grows impatient (like really, how rude?) “Hey, Scatorccio, you deaf or what?” She asks, a little harsher than necessary.

Natalie looks up with an eyebrow raised, “What do you want, Ibarra? I don’t remember the last time you tried to talk to me one on one. Not that I’m complaining.”

Mari rolls her eyes and is about to give some sassy reply, when she remembers Ben’s orders, so instead she simply sighs and says, “Walk and talk with me, bitch.”

Natalie doesn’t move, “Why should I?”

Mari doesn’t blame her, she doesn’t exactly want to be there either, but she knows taking Natalie home is the right thing to do, annoying as it may be. “Just do it or I’ll tell coach that you were high at practice on Monday.”

Natalie narrows her eyes at her, “You wouldn’t.”

Mari shrugs, “Try me.”

Natalie studies her for a moment in silence, then chuckles and steps forward, “Fine, weirdo. But if I find out you’ve got the hots for me, I’m telling all of your popular friends.”

Mari wrinkles her nose in disgust, “Deal, freak.”

They walk out the locker room and naturally find themselves wandering the edge of the pitch, doing a whole lap in silence while Natalie smokes a cigarette.

Finally, Natalie speaks, “So, what the fuck do you want?”

Mari looks down at her feet as she walks, her new converse contrast Natalie’s worn down Doc Martens. She’s unsure how to start this conversation, but one quick glance at the equipment shed is enough to convince her that she must say something.

“No one at school has ever been to my house.” She says as an opener.

Natalie scoffs, “Okay? Is that supposed to matter to me, that you’re the only popular girl who hasn’t hosted a party?”

“I don’t want anyone to know where I live.” Mari says with a shrug, her skin crawling at the uncharacteristic honesty.

It’s nothing to do with Ben and Paul, they’re lovely, the house is nice and they’ve always made it clear that any guest would be welcomed. It’s more the idea of admitting that she lives with a teacher or that she’s in foster care or that she’s an orphan. She’s not entirely certain what the problem is, only that she feels immense shame and anxiety whenever she’s asked where or with whom she lives.

Natalie scoffs and takes another drag of her cigarette, “You secret trailer trash or something? Thought I could be your poor girl ally? Maybe ask Van.”

“Your dad died, right?” Mari asks, not caring how blunt or offensive the question is. She and Natalie have always been candid with each other because they’re both just those kinds of people. She sure as hell isn’t gonna stop now.

Natalie lets out a shaky sigh, “Yeah. Over the summer, what’s it to you?”

Mari takes a deep breath, trying to ignore the impending dread she always feels before a true confession, “Mine too. And my mum, my little sister and my big brother. Car accident, they were coming to pick me up from camp… police came to get me instead.”

Natalie is silent for a moment, then gives her a weak smile, “Sorry. That sucks.”

It’s not the most heartfelt of reactions, but Mari is just grateful that she didn’t make a big thing about it. “Yeah, but… I live with my foster dads now.”

“No need to brag.” Natalie chuckles humourlessly. She holds her cigarette out to Mari, who shakes her head in response to the silent offer.

“They’re great, annoyingly nice, but they don’t push to be my real parents or whatever and they let me have basically anything I ask for. I just don’t want anyone at school to know I live with them for… a couple reasons. I do like them though and they’re pretty good at advice and stuff, help me with my homework too and-“

Natalie stops walking suddenly, stamps out her cigarette and holds her hand up in a stopping gesture, “Why does this feel like a sales pitch?”

Mari doesn’t respond, she can’t quite bring herself to say the words, so she waits for a few moments, allowing Natalie to stare at her quizzically until she figures it out.

“Foster dads… annoyingly nice… and you don’t want anyone at school to know.” Natalie mutters, realisation dawning on her face. “Holy shit, you’re Coach Scott’s foster daughter?”

“Guilty.” Mari murmurs, slightly uncomfortable.

Natalie scoffs, “So you’re here to beg me to move in with you? What, you really want a new sister?”

Mari feels anger and annoyance bubble up inside of her, she scowls, “I have a sister. She’s dead. I don’t need a new one. Besides, I don’t even like you that much, Ben is just really worried and I’m not totally heartless. At best, you’ll be an irritating roommate. Get it, Scatorccio?”

“Fuck this.” Natalie huffs as she walks away. “You’d be a terrible salesperson!” She calls over her shoulder angrily.

Mari feels guilt settle in her stomach, perhaps she’d taken it too far. Ben is always scolding her for that. She lets out a long sigh. “Natalie, wait!”

She jogs after Natalie, grabbing her arm and pulling her to a stop. “Don’t touch me!” Natalie yelps, pulling out of her grip.

Mari rolls her eyes, “I’m a bitch, okay?”

“Can’t argue with that.” Natalie mumbles in agreement.

Mari rolls her eyes even harder, “Look… Ben cares and… Paul is like the funniest guy you’ll ever meet. I suck, but they don’t. They put up with me for whatever reason and they want to put up with you too, why is certainly a mystery to me. We don’t have to like each other, in fact I’d rather we didn’t because it takes a lot of energy for me to like someone, but… I get what’s it’s like to feel alone… to grieve. So, just… give them a chance, alright?”

Natalie stares at her in silence for a few seconds and Mari feels like a slapping an answer out of her, she’s just embarrassed herself by being all sappy and Natalie’s acting like it’s nothing, how rude.

Finally, Natalie sighs. “Alright, take me home.”

Huh, that was surprisingly easy.

Chapter Text

Natalie is in a little over her head.

The house is nice, that’s what she notices as soon as she steps through the threshold, bag on her back and Mari by her side.

The second thing she notices is how weird this whole situation is. She’s at Mari Ibarra’s house but it’s also Coach Scott’s house and she’s going to live with them and a man named Paul. It sounds like a dream she’d have after taking one too many painkillers.

Almost as soon as they’re through the door, Ben appears in front of her. “Natalie, I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Thanks Coach.” Natalie says simply, still not entirely certain about this arrangement.

“Just call me Ben, at least here.” He replies kindly, stepping aside so they can all step into the living room.

“That’s gonna take some getting used to.” Nat mutters as she tentatively takes a seat on the sofa.

A man appears in the doorway, “Oh, hey. You must be Nat, I’m Paul. It’s good to have you here.”

Natalie studies him for a moment. He’s more normal than she expected. She’s not sure how to respond other than “Hi.”

Ben places a hand on Nat’s shoulder and says, “Mari, honey, the guest room is full of clutter so Paul set up a mattress on the floor of your room. Just share for tonight and we’ll get everything sorted tomorrow.”

“Whatever.” Mari grumbles, strolling out the room.

Natalie immediately feels bad, like a burden. She doesn’t want to invade Mari’s space especially when it’s clearly bothering her and Nat knows better than to annoy Mari by now.

“It’s alright Coach- uh, Ben. I can sleep on the couch or-“

“No way,” Ben says instantly, “you just got out of sleeping in a shed, you need a real mattress for tonight at least.”

Natalie wants to protest further, but he’s giving her his coach eyes which are notoriously hard to ignore, a perfect mix of stern attitude and genuine care that makes her skin crawl.

“Mari will get used to it.” Paul shrugs. “She just has a flare for dramatics.”

“You can say that again.” Ben murmurs in reply.

“I’ve kept your lives interesting, haven’t I?” Mari scoffs, suddenly re-entering the room.

Both men chuckle and Paul wraps an arm around her shoulders, “That you have, Mars Bar.”

Natalie watches the whole interaction with a strange feeling in her gut. She’s out of place, as per usual, and feels a strange amount of guilt at shaking up this dynamic. She’s never known what a real family feels like, only toxicity and pain. Maybe this whole thing was a mistake.

But before she can voice any of this doubt or run for the hills, Ben smiles at her and it’s so genuine that it almost makes her feel sick. “Hey Mari, why don’t you take Nat to get settled in your room?”

Mari nods and gestures towards Natalie, “Follow me, weirdo.”

Nat chuckles lightly and gets up to do just that. They wander up the stairs and Natalie has to avoid eye contact with the framed pictures of Mari, Ben and Paul scattered all over the walls.

Mari leads her down a hallways towards a door, it’s painted white with a pink wooden sign hanging from a nail that reads in big black letters - KNOCK TO COME IN OR I’LL KNOCK YOU OUT.

“Subtle.” Nat scoffs as Mari opens the door and steps into the room.

Mari chuckles, “Subtlety never got anyone anywhere, Scatorccio.”

Natalie looks around the room. It’s fairly large, the walls are covered in a white wallpaper adorned with a pattern of pink flowers - Not exactly Nat’s style but it could be worse. There’s a single bed against one wall, the bed sheets are a pale blue and there’s a worn-out looking panda teddy bear sat upon the pillows.

“Who’s that?” She asks, gesturing to the bear.

Mari snatches it up immediately as if scared Nat’s going to light it on fire or something equally as absurd. As if Nat would waste lighter fluid on that mangy thing.

“This is cookie.” Mari explains, looking down at her feet as though embarrassed. Nat would’ve felt guilty if it wasn’t for how much of little bitch Mari is about anything that could even slightly embarrass someone. Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it, right?

She laughs, “Whatever floats your boat, Ibarra.”

Mari scowls and places Cookie back down on her pillow. “Just make sure to stick to your own side.”

She gestures to the opposite end of the room a few feet away where a mattress lays, covered in a white sheet, two matching pillows and a fluffy blue blanket. Looks cozy enough, better than the shed at least.

“Thanks.” Nat mumbles genuinely as she takes a seat on the mattress and shrugs off her backpack.

Suddenly, a knock rattles the door and Mari beckons the person in. It’s Ben who pokes his head into the room and says, “We’re gonna order takeout for dinner, any suggestions?”

He’s looking directly at Nat as he says this and it makes her squirm a little. She’s not used to being asked what she wants, it makes her a little nervous.

She shrugs, “I don’t really mind, whatever Mari wants.” She figures redirecting the responsibility onto Mari is a smart move, this is her home turf.

Mari seems visibly pleased with this and says, “I’m thinking pizza.”

Ben chuckles, “Of course you are. Is that cool with you, Nat?”

Natalie feels immediately anxious again but keeps her composure, opting to say, “Sure, I’m Italien after all.”

Ben and Mari both laugh and Nat feels slightly more at ease. “Alright, you got it.” Ben nods, closing the door and leaving the two girls alone again.

“Are you going to Jackie’s birthday party on Friday?” Mari asks suddenly.

Natalie raises an eyebrow, “I wasn’t planning on it, why?”

Mari sighs, “Ugh, well I wanted to go but Ben said I can’t because I broke curfew by two hours at the last party I went to. I was just gonna sneak out or beg Paul, but now I’m thinking if we both ask maybe they’ll allow it. I mean, it’s two V two now, y’know?”

Natalie considers this for a moment. On the one hand, she loves a good party with all the free booze and whatnot, plus it wouldn’t hurt to build a few more bridges with her new… roommate? On the other, Jackie’s parties tend to be crawling with irritating popular kids and jerks.

Finally, she shrugs, “Sure, whatever.”

“Thanks.” Mari nods.

The silence is practically deafening for the next few minutes. Nat’s not sure what to say, she and Mari have never really had to come up with something to discuss, anytime they interact usually already comes with a topic in mind. Now that they’re left alone with one another, in a shared room, it feels like there’s nothing to say at all.

“So,” Mari says, shattering the suffocating bubble of silence they’d been in. “you’re not gonna tell anyone about this at school, are you?”

Nat rolls her eyes, of course Mari is hyper-focused on her precious reputation, “No, Mar. I don’t need people knowing I’m living with a teacher, or that I was homeless, or that I’m sleeping on your floor.”

“Good. I figured you’d be cool.” Mari says, completely oblivious to the offence Nat took from her question. God, she is truly in her own little world.

Thankfully, they’re saved by Paul yelling up the stairs for them to come eat dinner. Natalie is pretty used to fending for herself when it comes to meals, so being beckoned down for some warm pizza is a great feeling.

They all sit in the living room to eat. Nat still feels slightly uncomfortable, shifting nervously in her seat on the sofa. Mari sits on the floor in front of her, by the fireplace - it’s so cold tonight, making Natalie feel even more grateful to be here rather than in the shed. Ben is sat on the other side of the sofa and Natalie has to pretend she doesn’t notice him sneaking concerned glances at her every few seconds, it’s as awkward as it is endearing. Paul is on an armchair a few feet away, eating as he types away on his laptop.

“So, Ben…” Mari begins, taking a bite of her pizza slice.

Ben rolls his eyes and chuckles instantly, “Oh God, I know that tone. What do you want?”

Mari giggles and Nat has to suppress a small smile, “So, you know how you said I can’t go to Jackie’s party-“

Ben sighs, “Mari, we’ve been over this-“

“I know, I know!” Mari exclaims, standing up now to emphasise her point, “But, Nat really wants to go and y’know the rule about me walking to parties so no one knows I live with you? Well, if that applies to Nat too, then I’m gonna need to go with her because she doesn’t know her way to Jackie’s and back from here.”

Ben seems to consider this for a moment, then turns to Natalie. “Is this something you really want? To go to Jackie’s party?”

Nat glances as Mari who’s eyes are pleading with her. Screw it, she could use a good time. “Yeah, if it’s cool with you.”

Ben softens immediately and Natalie feels ever so slightly guilty, but what’s the worst that can happen? It’s a party at Jackie Taylor’s house, not a rave.

He looks at Paul, “What do you think, babe?”

Paul glances up from his laptop, ceasing his incessant typing for a moment, “I was okay with her going from the start, so if you think it’s a good idea then they should go. You’re the boss.”

Ben sighs, throwing his hands up in defeat, “Alright, you can go! But I want both of you back home no later then 11pm, I’m serious.”

Mari nods, “Of course, you got it Coach.”

Ben rolls his eyes, then turns back to Natalie, “What about you? Can we trust you to follow our rules?”

Natalie isn’t sure what to say. Her parents never really had rules per se, other than ‘no guests allowed’, ‘don’t take my beer’ and ‘mind your own fucking business’. Still, she feels insanely grateful for this opportunity that Ben has given her, so she nods.

“Thank you, Natalie.” Ben says genuinely. Sometimes he’s so nice it makes Nat feel nauseous. She decides she’s had enough pizza.

She clears her throat. “I think I’m gonna go upstairs, if that’s cool with you.”

“You don’t have to ask permission.” Paul replies, “You live here now.”

Natalie feels even more nauseous. “Got it, thanks.”

She practically sprints up the stairs and collapses on the mattress. She checks her phone - 7:43pm - yet somehow Natalie is completely exhausted. Sleep overcomes her within seconds and she loses consciousness, her jacket, eyeliner and rings still on.

_____

Natalie is dreaming. She’s back in that trailer. Her father is yelling. Her mother is crying. Natalie is holding the gun. She doesn’t shoot. Her father dies anyway. Sometimes she does something different, makes another choice, doesn’t bring Kevyn home. Every time her father dies anyway. Every time she’s a murderer.

Natalie’s eyes shoot open, her heart beating a mile a minute, her breathing ragged and her forehead drenched in sweat. She glances around just to make sure that she’s not still in that trailer or that shed and thankfully, Mari is sound asleep in a bed a few feet away. Natalie is on a mattress on the floor of a safe house. She’s okay or so Ben, Paul and Mari claim. She never imagined that the sight of Mari Ibarra could ever be even slightly comforting, yet here we are.

She checks her phone - 3:16am. Fuck it, she needs a cigarette. Maybe it’s bad form to smoke in someone else’s house on the first night of your stay, but Natalie’s desperate and they don’t need to know. She’s unfortunately fairly used to lying to Coach Scott by now.

Natalie slowly pulls the cigarette pack from her bag, careful to be as quiet as possible. She’s not disrespectful enough to smoke in the room with a sleeping Mari, so she stands and slowly creeps out into the hallway, wincing at the creek of the door. She’s tiptoes past the doorway that she knows to be Ben and Paul’s and slips down the stairs, trying to keep her footsteps as light as possible on the hard wood.

All this effort proves futile however, the second she steps into the living room to see Paul, sat in his armchair, typing away on his laptop, bathed in the golden light of a table lamp. He glances up at her immediately.

“Shit.” Natalie mutters.

Paul looks her up and down, eyes pausing on the pack of cigarettes in her hand. She’s expecting him to get angry, to yell and reprimand her for breaking a rule, but he just chuckles lightly. Natalie wears a bemused frown.

“Couldn’t sleep?” He asks, placing his laptop on the coffee table and gesturing for Natalie to take a seat on the sofa.

She hesitates, naturally. She barely knows this man, it’s the middle of the night and she’s been caught doing something she probably shouldn’t. Still, she’s not exactly in a position to argue, so she takes the seat and begins to fiddle anxiously with the fraying fabric of her ripped jeans.

Natalie shakes her head in response to Paul’s question and he nods knowingly. “Me neither. I’m a writer,” He explains, gesturing to the laptop. “when inspiration strikes, I drop everything. The clicking of the keys annoys Ben, so I write down here.”

Natalie doesn’t respond to this for a long time. She’s not sure what to say, this sort of causal conversation isn’t something she’s used to with the adults in her life. Paul doesn’t push though, just takes a sip from the mug that was previously resting on the coffee table.

Eventually, Natalie decides to ask a question of her own, mostly out of a need to cease the silence that so easily brings back the familiar gunshot. “What are you writing?”

Paul is visibly surprised by the question, but seems happy enough to answer it, “Well it’s been top secret until now, so I’m trusting you.”

Rookie mistake Nat thinks bitterly.

“It’s a novel about a group of kids whose plane crashes in the Canadian wilderness and they all go a little insane and… well I haven’t gotten much further yet but you get the idea.”

“Like Lord of the Flies?” Natalie asks, feeling genuinely intrigued now and also grateful for the distraction. She’s never actually read Lord of the Flies but she recalls the basic plot from school a few years back.

Paul nods, “Sorta, but the kids are a little older and most of them are girls. Teenage girls.”

Natalie chuckles, “The most insane of them all, sounds about right.”

Paul smiles, then looks serious for a moment, “Did you come down here to smoke?”

Natalie instantly feels on edge again. She doesn’t feel the horrific terror of her father’s anger, but she also doesn’t feel the desire to fight back against the scolding like she would with a teacher. This is a new sort of lecture that Natalie isn’t used to, that of an adult that is neither related to her, nor paid and forced to deal with her bullshit.

She gulps, then holds up the pack and says, “What do you think?”

He sighs, but doesn’t seem overly angry per se, “Look, I’m not gonna bother lecturing you about how smoking is a dangerous and disgusting habit because I’m sure you’ve heard that enough already and it clearly hasn’t done anything to deter you. Just- if you wanna kill your lungs, then fine. But, Ben hates that shit so please at least don’t be doing it in the house.”

Natalie practically freezes in place. Is Paul actually cool? Who would’ve thought? “You’re not gonna tell him?”

Paul studies her for a moment, then leans forward slightly and says, “Not if you give me one.”

Natalie practically chokes on her spit. “For real?”

Paul shrugs, a smirk making its way onto his face, “I quit smoking eight years ago when I started dating Ben. He didn’t mind at first but eventually said it was him or the cigarettes - It was a no-brainer, I’d pick him over anything. But… what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

Natalie raises an eyebrow, “Alright, here.” She hands him a cigarette and pulls the lighter out from her jacket pocket - the leather jacket that she’s still wearing for whatever reason, the discomfort only just now dawning on her.

“We should probably get you some new clothes.” Paul comments off his own accord and Nat’s not sure whether to be offended or not.

She lights his cigarette, then her own, feeling immense relief the moment the butt touches her lips. They blow the smoke out at the same time and relish in the silence for a second.

At some point, Paul worries about the smoke alarms and gets up to open all the windows and lights a candle for the smell, God forbid Ben should get a whiff.

They don’t talk for the whole time they’re smoking and Natalie appreciates that he’s not trying to force anything. When she’s finished, she dumps her cigarette out the window and begins to leave the room without a word.

“Good night Natalie.” Paul says as she ascends the stairs. She doesn’t reply but smiles anyway.

Maybe, just maybe, this is the place for her. Time will tell.

She settles back onto the mattress, shrugs off her jacket and removes her rings. Mari’s snores eventually lull Natalie back to sleep and this time, it’s dreamless.