Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Maya it’s been 2 years and you haven’t taken a single day off, I still don’t get why you wouldn’t come with me.” 

Maya rolled her eyes from the driver’s seat. They were nearing the airport now, where she was dropping off her friend. “I just don’t get the need to fly to another part of the country to sit by a swimming pool for a week, I’d much rather be running into fires.” 

“It’s about relaxing, you know, sitting still for a bit? Forgetting about the stresses of work?” Andy replied.

“Well I don’t have any stress at work, I love work, I feel no need to take a break,” she shrugged, pulling into the drop off area. “Besides, your other friends scare me. They get all screechy.” She had met Andy’s two friends once before. They lived in Florida, where she was heading, and were very much not Maya’s cup of tea. 

Andy opened her car door, “well I’ll get you to take a day off eventually, mark my words.” 

“Yeah yeah whatever. Get on with it, you’ve got a flight to catch.” She jumped out and grabbed Andy’s case from the trunk. “Have fun, don’t break anything.” 

Once she’d grabbed her backpack, Andy grabbed the case from her friend. “I’ll send you pictures.” 

“And I won’t care,” Maya joked back. “Let me know when you land, yeah?” 

After confirming, Andy headed into the airport and Maya got back into the car to head out, except she spotted something on the seat - her friend’s passport. 

Fuck sake Andy.

She grabbed it, running in after her friend. Thankfully Andy hadn’t made it far, and Maya was a quick runner, so she managed to hand it over, giving her another brief goodbye before rushing back to her car.

Maya was almost there when she bumped into someone. “Shit, I’m sorry, I-” 

“ Guarda dove vai cretina! [Watch where you’re going you stupid woman!]” 

Maya looked up to see, quite frankly, a beautiful woman. She had absolutely no idea what she’d said, although she could have a good guess. From her very limited languages knowledge, Maya took an educated guess on Italian. “ Uh, mi dispiace ? [I’m sorry].” 

“You speak Italian?” the stranger asked, looking a little shocked.

“I really don’t. Except the very basics I picked up a few years ago, and maybe a couple of swear words. I really am sorry though, I was rushing back, my friend forgot her passport and-” she took in the woman’s appearance. “Are you alright? You seem stressed.” 

She was a little taller than Maya, although wearing heels - which Maya questioned for their travel practicality. Her attire was very sophisticated, with a long beige coat over a light jumper and black jeans, but her face told a different story. 

“My stupido little brother was meant to pick me up but he’s not here,” she ranted, waving her phone about in the hand not holding her case. 

Maya looked around, “how did you end up here? This is departures…” 

“I’m well aware, I thought maybe he’d be here, but he just texted to say he forgot and now he’s stuck at work so I literally have nowhere to go until he finishes!” She spoke with annoyance, continuing to wave her spare arm around as she spoke. 

It would have been quite easy to show her to the taxi rank. After all, Maya had plans today - granted those plans were a workout and then to head for her Wednesday night trip to Joe’s, but still - plans. However she couldn’t quite bring herself to leave the poor woman alone here. “Look, if you’re heading to the city I can give you a lift? I know a couple of good lunch spots too if you want company while you wait for your brother.” 

Maya Bishop didn't do strangers. Well, no, she definitely did do strangers, but usually in her bed for a few hours never to be seen again. This stranger, however, she was not trying to lure into bed, she really just wanted to help her out.

“That… would actually be really helpful, if you’re sure,” she seemed to relax a little with that. 

“Absolutely, my car’s just here, let me take your case.” 

Opening up her trunk, she placed the rather large case inside. “How long are you here for?” Maya asked, curiosity getting the better of her.

“ Non lo so [I don’t know],” she replied as they got into the car. “First I need to persuade my brother’s boss to let me do my research here, then we’ll see.” 

“Research?” Then she shook her head. “Sorry, we’ve started at the wrong point, I should really introduce myself,” Maya twisted in her seat and held her hand out. “Maya Bishop, firefighter.” 

Carina stretched her own hand out, shaking Maya’s. “Dr Carina Deluca. And yes, I’m hoping to use the MRI machine at Grey-Sloan. Italy is… well, I’m hoping America is more open to my research.” 

“Sounds intriguing,” Maya replied, beginning to drive off. “So, Dr Deluca, anywhere you fancy seeing?” 

After lunch from a burrito stall in the park, they went for a walk along Lake Union. They hadn’t stopped talking the whole time. Maya had learned all about Carina’s choice to move to Seattle, and about her younger brother, Andrea, who was apparently an intern at Grey-Sloan. 

“So what about you?” Carina asked before taking a sip of her coffee. “You said firefighter?” 

“Yeah, for 2 years now,” she explained, grinning as she thought about her job. 

The doctor returned her smile. “You clearly love it. Is that what you always wanted to do?” 

Chucking her now empty coffee cup into the bin, Maya shook her head. “I used to run, but I got injured. Kinda found firefighting by accident? But I love it. There’s nothing quite like running into a burning building.” 

“I’ll take your word for it,” Carina chuckled. “Although I imagine it’s similar to the buzz from an incoming trauma. Nobody can quite understand it unless they have the love for it.” 

“Yes, exactly! I hope I never lose my love of a firegasm,” she sighed happily, turning to the lake.

Carina stopped beside her, “ scusa [sorry], your what now?” 

“Oh, that’s just what I call the rush… you know like…” 

“I do, actually. That’s what my research is about.” 

Maya’s head quickly shot to look beside her. “About…” 

“Orgasms,” Carina said as if it was meant to be obvious. “Specifically the female orgasm of course.” 

“O-of course,” she stuttered, glad she’d already finished her coffee.

Carina was smirking beside her, literally smirking. Maya wanted to be annoyed, but she couldn’t bring herself to because if she was completely honest, she was really enjoying herself right now. Any thoughts of her plans being messed up were long forgotten. 

Something with Carina was just clicking. Maya felt comfortable talking about herself, which she never normally did with anyone outside of Andy and Vic, and she’d known this woman for a matter of hours. Yeah, they could definitely be friends.

Before the conversation could continue, Carina’s phone rang. She excused herself and took a few steps away before answering. Maya didn’t watch, that felt rude, but she could quickly hear the conversation switching to rapid Italian which sounded less than pleasant. In fact she recognised a couple of those swear words she knew. 

Moments later, Carina came back over, making a sound of frustration. “You know, when Andrea was born I wanted to smother him with a pillow. Sometimes, I still want to! He’s going into surgery - he wasn’t even meant to be working today!” 

“I don’t know much, but don’t interns basically live at the hospital?” Maya asked.

Carina huffed, “don’t defend him. He booked the day off because I was arriving, he didn’t have to go in. And now I’m stuck until whatever time he gets out. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t take up any more of your time. You can drop me somewhere-” 

Maya quickly shook her head, “no don’t be daft. Listen, and you are welcome to say no because we’ve known each other for five minutes, but how about you come back to my place? You can use the shower because I know how icky it feels after a long flight, and I can make dinner, you can use my guest room to sleep if you’re tired.” 

“Oh no I can’t put you out anymore, I’m sure you had better things to do with your day off.” 

“I really didn’t, my social life is really not that exciting. The most I had planned was going for a drink on my own later, I can easily forgo that for one night. Plus, if I’m being honest, I’m actually having a really nice time.” 

After a second of thought, Carina nodded. “If you’re absolutely sure you don’t mind?” 

“I really don’t, come on, I’ll take you back.” 

When they’d got back to her apartment, Maya had given Carina free rein of the guest bedroom and bathroom, making herself busy in the kitchen - suddenly very grateful for Travis’ cooking lessons. It was nothing special, but it was going to have to do. She had already learned that Carina had quite the refined palette, but Maya wasn't exactly a refined kind of person, so she'd managed to dig out and find most of the ingredients for Travis’ chicken chasseur recipe (helped by a quick grocery delivery) in the hope it would be okay. 

She'd just put the lid on for the dish to cook for an hour when Vic called. Maya answered the call, putting it on speaker as she was tidying up. “Hey Vic.” 

“Well you sound busy, bad time?” Vic replied, presumably hearing the clattering of dishes. 

“Just tidying up from cooking, you’re good.” 

“Cooking? You don’t cook, especially not on Wednesdays. What’s going on?” her friend asked suspiciously. 

Maya rolled her eyes as she loaded the dishwasher, even though Vic wouldn’t see it. “I bumped into someone at the airport after I dropped Andy off. Her brother works at Grey-Sloan and is stuck at work so until he’s done she’s got nowhere to go.”

“Oh I see,” Vic replied with a hint of teasing to her voice. Maya didn’t like where this was going. “Starting your Wednesday conquest earlier in the day?” 

“Hughes I swear-” she shut the dishwasher door, picking up her phone and taking it off speaker. “Absolutely not, no. I am not taking advantage of her! Besides, we hung out this afternoon and it was really fun. This is friendship vibes and nothing more.” 

Vic hummed an unconvincing agreement. “You have never used the word vibes in your life before Bishop. So, not going to Joe’s tonight?” 

“Probably not, no. You and Trav going?” she asked, tidying up a few more bits with her spare hand. 

“Yep, although it won’t be anywhere near as fun when we can’t wing woman you.” 

“Oh you know I don’t need your help Vic, my self-care Wednesdays are all my own work,” she smirked. 

She hadn’t heard Carina come back in, and so her voice made Maya jump slightly, “I’m interrupting your self-care day? Maya you should have said.” 

“Oh hello, is that your mystery woman? Put me back on speaker I wanna say hi!” 

“Absolutely not, goodbye Vic,” she quickly hung up and turned to Carina who had changed into some more casual clothes. “I promise you aren’t interrupting anything special. It’s not as important as it sounds,” she still looked unconvinced, and so Maya decided to be truthful - after all, they’d already shared plenty today. She went over to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of wine she’d ordered in the grocery delivery, offering it towards Carina who nodded. 

Once she’d grabbed the glasses, she started to explain. “Alright so if I’m not working on a Wednesday I normally head out for a drink and… well, find someone to hook up with,” she handed one of the now wine-filled glasses over to her. “I’m not really one for relationships, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have some fun.” 

“Hey, you’ve already learned my feelings on sex today, I get it,” Carina sipped her wine. “You know, we could still go for drinks after dinner? I’d be up for checking out your hunting ground. I can dig out a decent outfit once we’ve eaten” 

Maya opened her mouth to reply, but then remembered one key point - Vic and Travis were going in tonight. She mentally shook her head. “You know what? Let’s do it. I promised to show you the sights after all, and if you’re working at the hospital then Joe’s is definitely an important one.” 

“It’s settled then,” Carina smiled. “Great wine choice, by the way.” 

After dinner, which thankfully went down pretty well, they both got changed and headed down to Joe’s. “I’ll warn you now, there might be some of my team inside,” she told her as they approached the door. “I apologise in advance for them,” Maya told her before heading inside.

Sure enough, within seconds Vic had rushed over. “Bishop! You made it!” Yep, she’d definitely already had a drink or two, but before Maya could intercept she had already approached Carina. “Well hello there, you must be Maya’s latest conquest.” 

“Vic for fuck’s sake,” she scowled. 

Carina was just chuckling beside her. “I assure you, I am never a conquest. Maya is simply showing me Seattle.” 

“So that means you’re available?” 

Travis swooped in at that point. “Hello, hi, sorry, she started early,” he placed his hands on Vic’s shoulders. “Let’s go back and leave Maya to it with her friend,” he guided her away, much to Vic’s displeasure, allowing Maya to head over to the bar with Carina. 

“I’m so sorry,” she grumbled as they sat up at the bar. “Believe it or not she’s one of my best friends.” 

Carina simply smiled, “it’s no problem, quite flattering really.” 

They ordered their drinks, and conversation continued flowing. That was, until Carina’s phone rang with her brother finally having finished work.

With them both having drunk, Carina arranged for Andrea to pick her up from Maya’s, so they quickly jumped in a taxi back. 

“Today was really fun, you saved me from a complete disaster, thank you,” Carina told her, case in hand ready to go. “Would you mind if we exchange numbers? I’d love to meet up again soon. It’s good to have a friend in the city already.” 

Maya quickly grabbed her phone from her pocket and handed it over. “Stick yours in. I really enjoyed today. Honestly, it was great to hang out with someone that I don’t work with.” 

Once she had her phone back, she quickly rang Carina’s phone to share her own number. “See you soon then?”

“ Assolutamente [absolutely].” 

Soon turned out to be the following Monday. Maya had been mid-run when her phone buzzed. She and Carina had been texting a fair amount anyway, and she knew this morning was her meeting with the hospital chief. Maya lifted her wrist to look at the notification on her watch.

Carina: She accepted! 

Maya slowed her run and reached into the zipped pocket containing her phone so she could reply.

Maya : I knew you’d smash it!! Awesome job Dr Deluca. 

The reply came quickly

Carina: You busy? Fancy grabbing lunch to celebrate? 

Maya: Just need to run home and shower, then I’m free! 

Carina : If I come to yours for 1? 

Maya: See you then! 

She cut the rest of her route short, heading back to her apartment and quickly jumping in the shower before changing into jeans and a simple white jumper.

The sound of her buzzer was a surprise, she hadn’t realised how quickly the time had passed. 

Shit.

She went over and pressed the button to let Carina up, running back to her room and running a brush through her still damp hair before there was a knock on the door.

“Sorry, I lost track of time, I’ll only be a few more minutes and then we can head out,” Maya said quickly as she opened the door and then turned back to her bedroom.

“Maya,” Carina called after her, and Maya turned around. Carina took a step into the room and held up a bag in her hand. “I figured you might not want to head out so soon, I brought food.” 

Maya smiled a little. “Thank you, that’s really kind. I swear I’m not usually this disorganised.” 

Shutting the door behind her, Carina shook her head. “It’s okay Maya, once again I’ve interrupted your day.” 

“And I’ve already told you, I don’t mind at all. So what food have you got?” 

Carina had bought Thai takeout with her, having taken a punt on what Maya might like. She had a good instinct thankfully, and they were soon settled on the sofa while tucking into their food. The doctor filled Maya in on her meeting with Chief Bailey and her plans for the next step. “You sure I can’t persuade you to be a subject?” 

After almost choking on her noodles, Maya managed to reply. “Absolutely not. This has the promise to become a great friendship, I’m definitely not doing that in front of you,” she grimaced.

“Why not? It’s perfectly natural Maya.”

“Still not happening,” she pointed her fork at Carina to make her point. “I hope it goes well for you and everything, but absolutely not.” 

There was a shrug from Carina who went back to her food. “Fair enough, I’ve still got time to convince you.” 

“Carina!” Maya grabbed a nearby cushion and threw it towards her, purposefully missing given her friend was currently holding a fork towards her mouth. 

A laugh came from the other side of the sofa as Carina chuckled at Maya’s reactions. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to force you into the MRI machine. You should come down and watch some time though, it’s fascinating.” 

“I’m not going to just-” 

“Maya do you really think I leave the microphone on or something? I can’t hear or see them in there unless they press a button to contact me.” 

“Oh,” Maya commented in reply. “I guess that does make sense.” 

Carina smiled, “exactly. So you will come and visit one day?” 

“Yeah, don’t see why not, I would like to see you at work. I’ve always found medical research fascinating. I read papers sometimes.” 

“Really?” 

Nodding, Maya put her tray to one side, having finished her plate. “Well I had to read some for my paramedic training, but sometimes I read up on cool cases we come across.” 

“You have medical training too?” Carina questioned, putting her own tray down and picking up her glass of water, sipping it. 

“Yeah, in Seattle all firefighters have to have EMT or paramedic training. We work the aid car as well as the engine and ladder,” she explained. 

“Aid car is like… ambulanza… ambulance?” Carina asked. 

Maya grabbed her own drink from the side table. “Sort of. Aid cars can be staffed solely by EMTs, ambulances will have at least one paramedic on board,” she explained with a shrug. “It’s a confusing system if you haven’t grown up here I know. Not many places outside Seattle have aid cars, let alone other countries.” 

“I’ve learned a lot from you Maya Bishop.” 

“Well I am a fascinating person,” she smirked before sipping her water. “Now, how does a movie sound? Unless you want to go out somewhere?” 

“A movie sounds perfect.” 

As the weeks went by, the two women started to hang out a lot more. Carina would regularly turn up at Maya’s door for a film afternoon, and they would text frequently. This morning was no exception, as Maya was wrapping up her shift. She’d invited Carina to join her, Vic, and Andy for breakfast.

Carina: How was your shift? Looking forward to this morning :) 

Maya: Busy, but not so bad. See you soon! 

“Carina still joining us this morning?” Vic asked, walking into the beanery where Maya was holding her coffee in one hand, and phone in the other. 

“Yep, she’s just messaged, she’ll meet us there.” 

Vic poured herself some coffee and leaned against the counter beside her. “I know I teased you about her at the start, but she is actually a good mate. Never thought I’d see you with an outside friend, I gotta say.” 

“I’m still offended I went away for a week and got replaced,” Andy tutted as she entered the room. 

Maya rolled her eyes, “you didn’t get replaced, Andy. You’re still my tribe. If you’re allowed to fly across the country to see your other friends, I think I’m allowed one.” 

“Hm, we’ll see,” she replied. Maya could tell Andy was still trying to make her mind up about Carina - not out of anything other than concern for her friend, Maya got that. 

“Well just play nice this morning,” Maya warned her and put her mug down. “I’m going to shower,” she announced before leaving the room.

Not long later, the three firefighters walked over to a nearby diner they occasionally frequented for a post-shift breakfast. Carina was already waiting outside when they got there. 

“Deluca! Looking good for this early in the morning,” Vic commented as they approached her. 

“I won’t be making a habit of it,” Carina replied. “I could’ve thrown my phone out of the window when the alarm went off.” 

Maya smiled, both at how well Vic and Carina got on already, and at Carina’s morning attitude. “Carina is definitely not a morning person. I was quite surprised she even agreed to this.” 

“ Sono piena di rimpianti , [I’m full of regrets]” Carina mumbled as they walked inside. 

“Ah it’ll be worth your while, this place does great pancakes,” Vic assured her.

“Hey, maybe you can persuade Maya to have something other than a smoothie,” Andy commented as they took their seats. “We’ve been trying for years.”

“I just don’t need all that food sitting on me before I go for a run,” she shrugged.

Carina raised an eyebrow, “and why are you going for a run after you’ve just finished work?” 

“Excellent question Dr Deluca, you can come more often,” Vic replied while handing her a menu. “You see, our former Olympic champion here somehow loves running more than sleep. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy a good run, but after a 24-hour? Absolutely not.” 

Maya immediately found herself hiding behind her menu from Carina, who was opposite her,, because there was one pretty key piece of information she’d yet to share with her new friend. 

“Olympic champion?” 

Andy, who was sitting next to Maya, gave her a shocked look. 

Unsurprisingly, it was Vic that continued to speak for her. “Wait, she hasn’t told you?! Now that’s how I know you’re a friend and not a conquest - the medal is one of her top moves for getting someone into bed.” 

“Vic! Shut it!” Maya reached over and hit her friend with the menu before taking a breath and looking at Carina. “I did mention I used to run professionally, right?” Carina nodded. “Well I won the 10,000m at the Olympics in 2012. Did it on a sprained ankle, which is what ended my career and led me here.”

Andy perked up at that moment. “Gotta say, I’m shocked it’s taken two months for that information to get out. You’ve changed, Bishop.” 

“Nah, she’s just not trying to beat her at work or get her into bed - different battleground,” Vic argued. “Still, you should pop by the station and get her to show you the medal - it lives in her locker.” 

“In your locker? Why not on display at home?” Carina asked curiously. 

Maya felt herself smirk a little as she remembered an interaction with Jack early in her career where he’d desperately wanted to touch it. “It’s a useful reminder at work.” 

“Of what?” 

“That I’m better than them,” she shrugged. “Sometimes you need it when you’re surrounded by men who think you can’t possibly be at their level.” 

“That’s why us women stick together,” Andy added. 

Carina hummed an agreement, “well, I’m impressed, and I will definitely be visiting to see the medal.” 

They all went back to choosing their breakfast, and soon enough the waitress came over to take their order.

Conversation turned more casual - plans for their days off, how Carina was settling in Seattle, that kind of thing. They were in the diner for a couple of hours in the end, before Andy yawned and announced it was time for bed. After settling the bill, they headed out.

Maya had offered Carina a lift to the hospital, so they all walked back to the station where their cars were left and said goodbye, before getting in. 

“You know that actually was worth the early start, even if the coffee was dreadful,” Carina commented as they drove. “Your friends are fun.” 

“They’re annoying,” Maya rolled her eyes, “but they are pretty great I’ll admit.” 

“I do have one question,” she started, and Maya glanced over at her briefly to tell her to continue. “Andy looks at me funny sometimes, no? Did I upset her?” 

“No! No you didn’t, she’s… protective, sometimes. We went through the academy together, we’re each other’s tribe. She’s just sussing you out. I’m sure she’ll get over herself soon, don’t worry.” 

Carina nodded, “ bene [good]. I’m not here to cause any drama.” 

“Absolutely no drama, Carina. It’s good, we’re good,” she smiled and pulled up to the hospital drop off point. 

The doctor was about to get out when she stopped herself and turned back. “Shoot I forgot to ask, mind if I come over after work? Andrew has a date and asked me to stay away, which I’m more than happy to do of course but-” 

“Carina, I already told you, you’re welcome any time. I might even give you a key to make a point soon! Andy and Vic both have one to be fair. See you tonight then,” 

“ Sí, grazie Maya.” 

And she did give her that key the next week. 

Chapter Text

Two years later

Maya stopped the timer on her watch as she approached the station doors. It was a new PB between home and work. She smiled and pulled out her phone to drop her Dad a message letting him know, before heading inside. 

It was early, and B-shift were still mulling about as their shift came to an end. She said hello to a couple of them as she passed, heading up to shower and change into her uniform. 

She enjoyed getting to work early, it gave her time to get into the right mindset before everyone else arrived, bringing the inevitable chaos with them. Not that she didn’t mind that, she loved the team - they were family - but just like all families, sometimes she needed time to prepare herself for it all. 

“Morning Bishop, can I touch the medal today?” 

Jack Gibson - the annoying big brother. Maya did up the last button on her shirt and turned to him, pushing her locker door shut as she did. “In your dreams, Gibson. Plus, you’re on breakfast duty today. No time for anything else.”

 “Always a mood killer, Bishop,” he sighed dramatically, clutching his chest.

Giving him a smirk, she left the locker room, tightening her ponytail as she did, and heading down to the barn to check on what needed doing - keen to get started today. She decided to polish up the engine, so grabbed the necessary items and got started on the rear. It was one of her favourite jobs to do - something she could focus on and the result is very satisfying. 

She was so focussed that when interrupted, Maya almost fell off the ledge she was standing on, making her visitor laugh. Maya threw the cleaning cloth at her best friend. “Shut it you.” 

“Mi dispiace [I’m sorry], that was quite funny though,” Carina chuckled, handing her the cloth back. “I can’t stay long, I came to drop off lasagne for lunch - Vic already took it upstairs though.” 

“ Sei la migliore . [ You’re the best] ” 

“ Lo so [I know],” Carina grinned. “I need to go. Stai attente [be careful].” 

“ Sempre [always],” Maya replied, giving her friend a quick hug before she left. 

It wasn’t unusual for Carina to rock up at the station. She’d very quickly become part of the family, and nobody questioned her presence. The fact she regularly brought food was probably also helpful.

Over the past couple of years, the two women had become the best of friends - practically living in each other’s pockets. They both had keys to the other’s place now, since Carina had her own apartment now too, and both were known well at the other’s work. Maya had also picked up enough Italian for brief conversation, and Carina continued to teach her more. In return, Maya could only offer fire prevention regulations, but she had definitely taught Carina plenty in that regard over their time as friends. 

It hadn’t taken long for Andy to soften. Once she’d realised Maya wasn’t about to abandon her for Carina, she came around. Their friendships were just different, and it worked that way. Maya hadn’t stopped having nights out with Andy and Vic, or sitting on Andy’s front porch on their days off talking for hours (usually with a drink or three). She had a good balance, and it worked. Life was good, work was good, and she was happy. 

Almost as if summoned by Maya’s thoughts, Andy walked into the barn. Immediately, Maya could tell her friend was in a mood and about to rant to her. She hopped back up onto the ledge to keep polishing the truck, waiting for the inevitable word vomit.

Andy paced behind her for a few moments before she started talking. “I can’t live at home anymore. I can’t! I need to get out. I love my Dad, but I’m an adult now, right? He can look after himself, and I need my independence. I mean, he’s never gonna learn to handle his own washing machine until I’m gone! But that means I have to tell him, and how on earth am I going to do that?” 

Finishing up on the handle, Maya jumped down. “You tell him ‘Dad, I’ve never lived out from under your roof. I need to be an adult now, so I’m moving in with Maya, and I feel confident that you can start folding your own boxers all by yourself.” 

“You’ll let me move in with you?” 

“I’m actually a little offended you didn’t lead with that. Who wouldn’t want to live at my place? It’s awesome,” she grinned, grabbing a spare rag from the box she’d picked up and holding it out. “I’ll help you move your stuff tomorrow, as long as you help me with this.” 

Andy grabbed the rag from her hand and smiled, getting to work.

Carina was barely out of the elevator when Chief Bailey approached her in somewhat of a panic. “Oh thank goodness, Dr Deluca, I need a huge favour.” 

“How can I help?” Carina asked, shifting her bag on her shoulder.

“Half the residents seem to be down with some sickness bug, and we’re extremely short in OB. I was hoping you’d be willing to step in for the day? Arizona is pretty much running the show single handed currently.” 

It wasn’t the first time she’d been asked to step in. She’d done a few shifts, especially more recently as she was reaching the end of her research. “Of course, not a problem. I will go and change and find Dr Robbins.” 

“You’re a lifesaver Deluca,” Miranda called as she ran off somewhere else. 

Thankfully, Carina always kept a set of scrubs in her locker so she headed straight there to change, before heading out onto the OB floor, and it wasn’t long before she found the well respected fetal surgeon, Arizona Robbins. “Oh thank goodness you’re here,” the woman rushed over to her. “Thank you so much for this.” 

They hadn’t interacted much thus far, but Carina had always found Arizona to be an interesting person. When she’d first started her research at Grey-Sloan, she’d been re-specialising in fetal surgery, and now she was well versed in her skills. However, she was not an OB specialist, so Carina was not surprised that she was relieved for some support. 

“It’s no problem, I’m happy to help out,” she smiled. “Where do you need me to start?” 

Arizona gestured to the array of patient notes on the nursing station. “I’ve checked that nobody is urgent, that’s about as far as I’ve got. You’ve got Jo Wilson, she’s a very competent 5th year resident, and was working OB yesterday so will have a good idea of the patient load. Bailey said she was going to send you another resident asap. I have a surgery shortly that can’t be postponed so I’m going to have to leave you to it-” 

“Dr Robbins, don’t worry, I’ll sort it out,” Carina interrupted her, smiling to reassure her.

Thankfully the smile worked, and she returned it. It was a beautiful smile, Carina noted, before quickly looking away in embarrassment of her thought process. “Right, yes, call if you need anything,” Arizona said before disappearing. Carina watched her leave, biting her lower lip slightly.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the clearing of a throat beside her, making her look up. “Sorry to interrupt Dr Deluca.” 

Carina looked up to see the younger woman standing beside her looking somewhere between smug and nervous. “Dr Wilson? We’ve met, no? You watched the trial?” 

“Yes, and I’d love to hear more about how that’s going but I’m afraid we’ve got an incoming baby in room 2043.” 

“Lead the way.” 

Once she got started there was no stopping. It was busy, but Carina was enjoying it. She got things under control, had a grasp of the place, and had delivered 2 babies in next to no time. Jo was a fantastic help too, and she made a note to report that back at some point.

She’d just come out of checking on a patient in labour when she bumped into- “oh, ciao fratellino, cosa ci fai qui? [what are you doing here?]” 

“I work here, what are you doing here?” he questioned, gesturing up and down at her pink scrubs. 

“Helping, there are no other OBs,” she told him. 

Andrew groaned, “seriously? You’re who I’ve been sent up to help out?” 

As she realised what was happening, Carina couldn’t help but grin. “Oh you’re my extra resident?” 

“Non iniziare a prendermi per il culo [Don’t start taking the piss] ” Andrew tutted. Carina went to remark back but felt herself go a little dizzy, instinctively putting her hand on the wall. “Carina? Stai bene? [Are you okay?]”

It passed and she shook her head. “ Sí, sto bene, just haven’t eaten much yet today,” she reassured him.

“Okay, well, where can I help?” 

“Uh, oh, Jo?” she called out to Dr Wilson as she walked down the corridor beside her. “Where are we up to? We have help.” 

Jo jogged over to them. “Oh hey Andrew,” she greeted the new arrival. Then she furrowed her brow and looked between the two of them. “Wait, both Deluca…” 

“ Sí, Andrea is my brother,” Carina said.

“I’ve managed to hide this for two years,” he huffed. 

“Andrea?” Jo questioned. 

Andrew made a noise of frustration, “surely we don’t have time for this right now?” 

“I don’t know why you’re so embarrassed of me,” she rolled her eyes. “But yes, we must get back to work. Jo, can I leave you to delegate? I need to go and catch up with Dr Robbins.” 

It was Jo’s turn to smirk now, “absolutely.” 

Choosing to ignore the resident’s facial expression, Carina made her way down to find Arizona, which thankfully didn’t take too long as she was still in the area of the OR. 

“Ah, Dr Deluca, how is everything?” 

“All under control,” she reassured her. “How was your surgery?” 

“Not as smooth as I’d like, but Baby Jones now has a much healthier heart. I, however, am starving and in need of caffeine - do you have time for a quick lunch?” 

Carina checked her phone, partly for the time, and partly to make sure nobody had contacted her. She smiled briefly noting that Maya had messaged - but she’d check that in a bit. “ Sí, my brother has arrived to help Dr Wilson so I can spare a few minutes.” 

“Your brother?” Arizona raised an eyebrow, before it clicked. “Wait, Andrew?” 

“I do not understand why he has decided nobody should know about our relationship,” she shook her head. “I know why but it’s stupido .” 

They started walking towards the cafeteria. “Why?” 

“He’s ‘embarrassed’ because of my research, ” she made the quotation marks with her fingers. “Silly little boy does not understand.” 

“He’s a man, are we surprised?” Arizona chuckled. “So are you enjoying being back on the floor?” 

“I actually am, I work well under pressure so I’ve enjoyed it a lot this morning,” she explained. 

Arizona grabbed a tray from the pile and joined the queue. “Your research is nearly complete, right?” 

“Yes, just a couple more weeks and then it's just finalising the first draft,” Carina confirmed. 

They both got their food, pausing the conversation until they sat down at the table and Arizona continued. “How would you feel about coming on board as an OB full time?” 

“Are you allowed to offer me that?” Carina laughed before taking a mouthful of her salad. 

Arizona smiled, “technically it’s not my job, but Bailey asked me to ask you as it looks like Dr Lachman is going to be off for a few weeks. Although I should point out that’s not why we’re asking - it had already been discussed.” 

“Well, then I would love to,” she stuck her fork back into the salad. “And I’m happy to start and help cover. I’ve only got write ups to finish, I can work around it.” 

“That would be fantastic!” Arizona replied. Unfortunately, her pager went off immediately after. “Duty calls,” she rolled her eyes, chucking her sandwich back in its box and picking that and her coffee up, although just before she walked away from the table she turned back. “Can I take you out for a drink Friday night?” 

Carina finished sipping her coffee. “Very bold, Dr Robbins. I like that,” she put the cup down. “I’ll see you Friday.” 

Arizona smiled, walking off.

Her seat had been empty for a matter of seconds when another familiar face joined Carina at the table. “Did you just snag a date with Arizona?” 

Over the last two years, Carina had gotten to know Amelia Shepherd well. After taking part in her trial had resulted in Amelia’s brain tumour diagnosis, they had almost bonded by force, but Carina didn’t mind at all. Dr Shepherd was brilliantly blunt, and her work ethic was fantastic. 

“Just drinks, Amelia,” Carina replied before placing her fork filled with salad in her mouth. 

Amelia hummed, “well I’m invested. But anyway, how’s it going in the scrubs?” 

It took a few seconds for her to finish eating before she replied, “ bene [good] . In fact, I’ve just had a job offer.” 

“You’re sticking around?” 

“Seems so,” Carina agreed.

“Best news I’ve heard all day! But now I have surgery. We need a proper catch up soon, yes?” 

Carina nodded, “absolutely. See you soon.” 

It was actually a while before they got their first call, and Maya was more than ready to get out and stuck in.

“You’re practically bouncing as you drive,” Andy commented from the seat as Maya drove to the scene. 

“Just glad to finally get some action, it’s been a slow day,” she shrugged, pulling up outside the house. “Let’s go.” 

They jumped out, and Captain Sullivan immediately started directing everyone, with Andy and Maya heading into the house on search and rescue. It was a single occupant by all information they had, but the fire appeared well-established which explained why they had been unable to leave, and information from control suggested they’d lost contact with them a few moments previous, so it was crucial they got in quick.

Maya followed Andy into the building and they started their search, shouting out but with no response. The two of them were a good team, always able to communicate well regardless of the situation they found themselves in, and today was no different. They worked their way efficiently around the building. The fire was going strong downstairs and it was tough going, but there was no sign of the resident, so they made their way upstairs.

On their way up, Maya had noted the staircase had weakened. They’d gone up one at a time for safety, but it wasn’t a complete surprise when they heard the crack and subsequent crash of the stairs falling. Both women looked back, but they couldn’t do anything about that now. 

“Captain we’ve lost our exit, the stairs are down, still searching for the vic,” Andy spoke into her radio, before turning to Maya and gesturing down the hall where they headed next.

The room at the end was a bedroom, and as they entered, Maya could see the feet sticking out from behind the bed. “Over here!” she called and ran over. The person was lying on their front so Maya quickly turned them over, “oh god…” 

Andy joined her. “Are they-” 

“No, no he’s breathing,” Maya replied. “I uh-” 

“Maya spit it out we don’t exactly have all day,” Andy pointed out.

“This is last week’s self-care,” Maya grimaced. 

Her friend let out a little snort of laughter, and Maya gave her a look. “Nah, this is brilliant. Except, we’re trapped up here. Time to work out how we’re getting out of here.” 

Right, there was that - probably a bigger problem than the fact she’d slept with this guy less than a week ago. Andy went over to the window to assess their options, communicating with Sullivan over the radio. Maya checked the guy over. He was unconscious, and his breathing laboured, but he was alive. 

“They’re bringing the ladder round,” Andy told her. “How’s he doing?” 

“Much the same, but I’m not sure we’ve got time for the ladder to get set up,” Maya gestured towards the ceiling where smoke was rolling in. 

“ Mierda [shit],” Andy muttered in Spanish, glancing back to the window.

Maya could tell they were thinking the same thing. “Are we jumping out of a window again?” 

“I don’t think we have much choice,” Andy sighed. “Why is it always us?” 

She quickly got on the radio to arrange the air cushions, while Maya started to strap the unconscious man to herself. “Not where I saw this going,” Maya muttered. “His breathing is getting more laboured.” 

“They’re almost ready,” Andy told her. “You good to go?” 

“As I’ll ever be. We really can’t keep making a habit of this,” she grimaced. “Carina’s gonna kill me. She nearly did last time.” 

“Remind me to stay out of her way.” 

Then the call came. It was time. There were two windows, and they had to go at the same time. The second they broke through the room was going to flashover. The two friends shared a look before Andy did the countdown and they ran.

It felt like it happened in slow motion. Three steps and a leap, smashing through the window. Maya did her best to position her fall on the side which miraculously happened as they hit the cushion below, but the moment they did she started to unclip herself, calling out everything that Vic and Dean needed to know as they were on aid car. Maya followed them over as Sullivan had immediately shouted at her and Andy to get checked out while everyone else focussed on tackling the fire.

Coughing a little, she approached the air car where their patient was still inside. He had oxygen on now, and was starting to regain consciousness. “His name’s Aaron,” she managed to get out between coughs. 

“You remember his name? Must’ve been good,” Andy teased, and Maya hit her arm.

Vic raised an eyebrow, “you know this guy?” 

Before Maya could respond, Aaron spotted her, pulling his mask down. “Maya?” 

“Keep that mask on Aaron, you need it,” she rasped, coughing into her arm again. 

“And so do you Bishop,” Dean handed her a spare, which she reluctantly held to her face. “You two jumping in?” 

“Do we have a choice?” Andy asked

Vic jumped out to head to the driver’s seat. “Nope, get in.” 

They both grumbled about it, but got inside, and Maya did her best not to look at Aaron for the whole journey.

“Maya for crying out loud just sit back down and stay here. Don’t make me pull rank.” Andy chucked the oxygen mask back at her, replacing her own they she’d briefly lifted to shout at her friend. 

Maya huffed, reluctantly sitting back on the gurney. “I think you just did,” she grumbled before putting the mask back on. 

They had to be on the oxygen for a couple of hours, and Maya did not enjoy sitting still. She also had a gash on her forehead which had been stitched back together, and therefore overall, she was grumpy. 

“ Cosa cavolo hai fatto questa volta, Maya Bishop? [What the hell have you been doing this time?] ” 

Uh oh. 

Andy gave her a knowing look, and Maya grimaced back. It was only a few seconds later before the curtain was ripped back and Carina walked in. Maya gave her a sheepish smile through the mask. “ Cosa cavolo hai fatto questa volta?!” she repeated.

Maya lifted her mask off to reply. “Ho solo inalato un po' di fumo . [I’ve only inhaled a bit of smoke.]” 

“Keep that mask on!” Carina practically forced it back onto her face. “And it’s not only smoke inhalation is it?! I’m not blind Maya, I see those stitches,” she tutted. “Jack said you jumped out of a window? Ancora [again]?! Andy! Deberías cuidarla! [you’re meant to be looking after her].” 

The two firefighters shared another look. Carina was shouting at Andy in Spanish too - they were both in trouble. 

Andy went to reply, but Carina pointed a finger straight at her. “No. Mask on. I need to go and see a patient, you’d better both be here when I return. Mamma mia, ” she exasperated before leaving again, throwing her hands in the air as she did. 

Deciding she was a little too nervous to remove her mask again, Maya pulled her phone out and waved it to Andy who got the message, grabbing her own.

Maya: I think we’re in trouble

Andy: Do you think we can take her together?

Maya: Absolutely not, we’re fucked.

Andy: Damn. She has a key right? We should get the locks changed. 

Maya: She’ll kick the door in. 

Andy: Good point. I guess we have to accept our fate. 

Thankfully, an hour later they were both cleared. Andy had disappeared… somewhere, so Maya decided to go and see if she could find Carina, who never had reappeared after their telling off.

“Ah, Maya, your patient is asking for you,” Dr Shepherd stopped her before she’d gotten very far.

Maya grimaced, having a feeling that might happen. “How is he doing?” 

“Some throat burns, a good amount of smoke inhalation, but remarkably okay otherwise. I’ve just cleared him from a neuro point of view,” she explained. “He’s still in trauma 1 right now, although I guess you’re looking for Carina if you’re going this way? That woman’s been a machine today, probably on the OB floor somewhere.” 

“Thanks. And thank you for the update on Aaron, I should probably stay away, however.” 

Amelia raised an eyebrow, “something I should know?” 

“Absolutely not,” Maya told her. “See you later Dr Shepherd,” she added, before quickly heading to the stairs.

Thankfully she caught Carina just leaving one of the treatment rooms. Carina immediately started looking her over with concern. “Carina I’m fine, if a little raspy,” she cleared her throat slightly. “You never came back, everything alright?” 

“Yes, sorry, had to do an emergency c-section on that patient in the ER. All good though, everyone’s fine. Are you going home now?” 

Maya hesitated, which clearly told Carina enough.

“You’re going back to work?! Maya!” 

“Carina I’m fine, honestly. I just wanted to let you know I’m okay before I left,” she reassured her. 

Carina definitely wasn’t impressed, but she seemed to relent. “Fine, but this time listen when I tell you to be careful,” she tutted. 

“Prometto [promise],” Maya smiled. “Oh! Also, Andy’s moving into my place tomorrow.”

“Finally leaving her Dad’s?!” 

Maya nodded, “I know, can’t believe we finally got there. Anyway I know we said we’d grab food, but-” 

“Don’t worry, I was going to have to cancel anyway. I offered to work, they’re run ragged with sickness,” the OB gestured around the department. “I did get a job offer though, and a date! Big day around here.” They were rudely interrupted by her pager going. “Ergh, sorry, I need to go.” 

“No worries, but we have a lot to talk about! I need more gossip on both of those things.”

Carina grinned and then disappeared. Maya chuckled and shook her head, making her way back to find Andy and get back to work.

Chapter Text

The sound of her bedroom door bursting open awoke Maya with a start. It also awoke the woman in the bed beside her, who she quickly realised had remained nameless all night. 

“Excuse me?!” The dark haired woman pulled the sheets up over her as Carina stood in the doorway. 

“You’re excused, time to go,” Carina instructed.

Maya had to resist the urge to laugh at this interaction. Her bedroom companion looked to her for backup. “Aren’t you going to say something?” 

“It’s Thursday now, she’s not wrong. It’s time to go,” Maya shrugged. 

“What?” 

“You knew this was a one night thing when we started,” she pointed out.

Carina had walked closer to the bed now, crossing her arms and raising her right eyebrow. “Hurry up.” 

“It’s 7am!”

Maya rolled her eyes, “honestly you’re not going to win an argument against her, you might as well go.” 

Mystery woman looked between Carina and Maya. “Wait, is this your girlfriend?!” 

“Absolutely not, I’m her best friend - which I think you’ll find beats everything else - especially one night stands, so leave before I push you out,” Carina had her hands on her hips now. 

That seemed to do the job and the woman clambered out of bed, getting dressed under the glare of Carina before quickly leaving the flat. The second she was gone, Carina kicked her shoes off, shrugged her jacket over the nearby chair, and collapsed onto the bed beside Maya, staying on top of the sheets. “You need to get rid of them earlier,” she huffed.

“What exactly are you doing here at 7am?” Maya questioned. Carina wasn’t a 7am person, and while it was far from unusual for her to rock up while Maya was in bed, it was usually the other end of the day. 

“I’ve come from work,” she grumbled, staring up at the ceiling as she lay on the bed. 

Maya turned on her side, “you’ve been there all night?” 

Carina also turned now, facing her friend. “Yep. I wasn’t meant to be on the floor, but a complex birth came in so Jo asked me to step in, and that literally lasted all night,” she sighed. “It was… horrible.” 

Suddenly all the sass and temper was gone, and Carina’s vulnerability was showing. Maya lifted an arm out from under the sheets and rubbed her friend’s arm softly, waiting for her to expand. 

“She was only 19, and so scared,” she spoke quietly. “She was all alone. Her parents abandoned her when she got pregnant, and the father left. She managed to get her own place thanks to some inheritance money, and she got an understanding job with health insurance, so financially she’s okay, but she’s got two bambini and no support…” Carina sighed. “It was such a traumatic birth too.” 

“I’m sure you were amazing for her,” Maya told her. 

“I hope so,” she muttered, barely loud enough to be heard. 

She could see that Carina was exhausted, which wasn’t surprising given she’d apparently been awake for the best part of 24 hours. “Need a hug?” Maya asked. She wasn’t a touchy person for most people, but Carina was, and Maya had learned to be there for her. Carina shifted over wordlessly into her arms. “Get some sleep, you’ve done everything you can.” 

Maya didn’t move for a good hour after that, long after Carina had drifted off, but eventually she decided she should get up. Normally she’d have headed out for a run, but she settled on setting up the treadmill for today instead.

She’d just finished mile 4 when Andy appeared from her bedroom. She’d moved in a couple of weeks prior. “Good morning,” she greeted her. “Sounded like you had a good time last night,” her friend smirked, heading straight to make coffee. 

“Can’t tell me you didn’t, I saw you with Jack before I left the bar,” Maya replied, chuckling a little but keeping up her run.

It wasn’t the first time in the last 2 weeks that Andy had walked out to her on the treadmill. It was her go to when the weather was bad - except the weather wasn’t bad today - something she was hoping Andy wouldn’t pick up on. Still, they continued chatting.

Andy grabbed a couple of mugs from the cupboard. “It was…” she started to reply, but Maya raised an eyebrow. “Fine, I might have gone back to his. But it was still nothing! We’re not back together, I literally came back here straight after. It’s just-” 

“Familiar?” Maya questioned. “Come on Andy, you can’t keep jumping back into bed with Jack, or pretending you’re not flirting with Sullivan.” 

“I’m not flirting with- dios mio Maya!” she threw her hands up in exasperation. “Anyway, how many coffees am I making? Should I be expecting someone else out of your bedroom shortly?” 

Maya rolled her eyes, “not anytime soon no. Carina’s asleep in there.” 

“Carina was your Wednesday!?” Andy exclaimed, to which she quickly shushed her, glancing back to her own room and hoping her friend hadn’t been disturbed, before slowing down the treadmill. 

“Of course Carina wasn’t my Wednesday. That would be like you being my Wednesday, and just… ew, nope.” She climbed off the treadmill, wiping her brow and going over to the kitchen, taking the coffee offered to her by Andy. “She had a rough night at work, so came by this morning for a chat.” 

“Geez for a second there I thought you’d had some kind of threesome,” Andy grimaced, “So Carina came by before you were out of bed?” she queried. Maya shrugged. “Was Fiona still here?”

“Who on earth is Fiona?” Maya asked.

Andy chuckled, almost spitting her coffee out. “Oh Maya, did you not even get her name last night?” 

“How did you get her name?” 

Clearly last night's Wednesday was called Fiona. Not that it mattered.

“We bumped into each other getting water around 4. She seemed nice - very pretty,” she explained. “So, she was still here then?” 

She briefly considered lying, but Andy knew her too well, and given she clearly knew the woman had slept over there wasn’t much point in trying to get anything past her. “Yeah, Carina kicked her out,” told her, sipping the coffee. “It was Thursday.” 

Andy narrowed her eyes curiously, sitting up on one of the stools. “So you’re telling me that Carina let herself in early in the morning, walked straight into your bedroom - likely knowing you wouldn’t be alone - to complain about work? And now she’s asleep in there?” 

Maya shrugged again, confused by what the issue was here. “Yes? She comes over all the time. And it wasn’t so much a complaint as… well, she had a tough case. She needs comfort when she’s upset, and there’s nobody else in her place.” 

Somehow her friend’s eyes seemed to narrow further. “Comfort? Are you telling me you hug her? You hardly ever let me hug you and you never initiate.” 

“It’s what she needs,” Maya sipped her coffee. “It’s really not that big a deal, Andy.” 

Andy’s following smirk made Maya look away, slightly uncomfortable. “I’m going to shower. Just… shut up. And be nice when she wakes up.” 

“Yeah yeah whatever, I’m going out anyway,” Andy hopped down off her stool and headed back to her room. “You’re full of surprises Bishop.” 

“Oh I always aim to be mysterious,” she grinned and made her way to the bathroom.

After showering, Maya set on tidying up the apartment as quietly as she could. Once that was done, she grabbed her laptop and pulled up some manuals to read. She’d very recently put in her Lieutenant application, something she had yet to tell anyone about, but she wanted to be ready. She got engrossed in them, and only realised how much time had passed when Carina cleared her throat behind her. 

“Oh hey, you’re awake,” Maya smiled and jumped up, heading straight to the kitchen to make coffee. “How are you feeling?”

“A little out of it,” she rubbed at her eyes, yawning a little and heading to sit down. However half way there, Maya noticed her go wobbly and place her hand against the wall. Maya put everything down and rushed over, slipping an arm around her. 

“Woah, you okay there?” 

Carina’s left hand went to her head, rubbing it. “Yeah, all good, just still waking up I think. I’m good Maya, I promise.”

Maya cautiously let go, but made sure Carina was sat down before she got back to coffee. “You want something to eat?” 

“Yes, but can we go out somewhere? I’m really craving good pasta.” 

That meant she wanted to go to one very specific restaurant for lunch. Maya wasn’t surprised, it was a comfort place for her, and given what had happened the previous night it made sense she wanted to taste a bit of home. “Sounds like a plan, I need to go and pick up Andy’s birthday gift too so we can go shopping after?” 

“Oh yes! I need a date outfit. I literally have no idea what to wear tomorrow,” Carina grimaced.

Maya chuckled, handing over the now made coffee. “I’m sure you have plenty of outfits, but if you insist, we can go and find you something new to impress Dr Robbins.” 

“Thank you,” Carina smiled. “And thank you for earlier, I’m sorry about just turning up.” 

“Nonsense, you know you’re welcome any time,” she reassured her. 

“Yeah, but kicking out-” 

Maya held a hand up, “she wasn’t much to speak of anyway. I’m gonna go change into something more suitable than leggings.” 

“Oh yes, do I still have a spare outfit here?” 

“You do, I’ll get it out. Did you want to shower too? I can get a towel.” 

“You’re amazing,” Carina smiled, slipping down from the stool and taking her coffee with her as they both went to get ready.

After eating their body weights in pasta, Maya had quite quickly obtained a present for Andy, and they were now on an outfit hunt for Carina. “It’s just dinner, right?” 

“It’s not just dinner, Maya. It’s a very important gala in fetal surgery and it’s really important to Arizona and she invited me !” Carina stopped in the middle of the store with a stamp of her foot. 

Maya allowed herself a small amused smile before approaching her and placing a hand on her shoulder. “Carina, you’ve been to these things before, vero? [right?]” 

“ Si, but I’m going as her date, Maya. That I have never done before,” she huffed, flicking her hand across another dress before dismissing it. “Plus it’s only our third date!” 

“Okay, but you like her, and she likes you, and you’re both great doctors there’s no reason why this shouldn’t be a good night. So let’s go and find you something to make her speechless,” Maya twisted Carina around and gently pushed her forward to continue.

A little while later and they finally had some options. Maya was seated in the changing rooms ready to give opinions, while Carina was changing into the first dress. Maya was flicking through her phone when the curtain was pulled back and Carina stepped out looking… remarkable.

“Maya?” 

Carina’s voice jolted her into action. “Sorry, yes, that looks amazing. Very nice.” 

“Very nice?” 

“Well I don’t know Carina, you look good in a bin bag, what am I meant to say?” Maya shrugged and gestured at her. The words had sort of fallen out of her mouth before she thought about it, and Carina looked a little shocked. “Sorry, I know that’s not very helpful. It shows off your legs y’know, that’s a definite bonus.”

Carina turned back to the mirror and hummed in agreement. “I don’t know if it’s a bit… much? I’ll try on the others, it might help to compare.” 

“Go for it, I’ll sit here as long as required,” Maya assured her. 

“Thank you, I know this isn’t your idea of fun.” 

When the curtain was closed again, Maya leaned forward and stuck her head in her hands for a moment. What on earth was she doing? And what was this weird feeling in her stomach? 

Letting out a quiet groan, she sat up and put her focus back on the manual she was scrolling through on her phone, trying to refocus her brain, but that only lasted until Carina reappeared and she was completely thrown off once again. This dress was longer, and clung in all the right places. Maya cleared her throat to ground herself. “That one is very good,” she told her. “Just the right level of formality, but definitely a good amount of sexy to impress your girl.” 

She ignored the way the last two words stung a little in her throat. Carina was her best friend. She was supporting her. That was it.

“You think? I do quite like this one,” she looked down and then turned back to the mirror. 

Maya stood up and walked over to stand behind her. “You are usually so confident in your attire, what’s so different about this one?” 

“Haven’t done relationships in a while I guess,” she shrugged. “But you’re right, this one is good. I’ll go with it.” 

Maya smiled at her in the mirror. “Good, now get dressed so we can get out of here because I am bored ,” she sighed and walked back over to the chair, dropping back into it dramatically and making her friend laugh before she shut the curtain.

Once the dress was paid for, they left the shop and headed back in the direction of the car, but they hadn’t gotten far before Carina stopped. “Can we get gelato?”  

Maya now paid attention to where they’d stopped - Carina’s favourite gelato place, because ‘it’s the closest to proper Italian gelato as you’ll get in the US’. “I mean, you can,” Maya shrugged. 

Carina frowned, “come on Maya, I’ll even pay! You deserve it for putting up with me dress shopping.”

She sighed, “fine, come on then.” 

Asking for one scoop, Carina naturally ordered her two. The place was run by an elderly Italian couple and they slipped into their native language. While Maya’s Italian was half-decent these days, she quickly lost track of the fast paced conversation and just waited for her gelato to appear, which eventually, it did.

They headed out of the shop together, both tucking into their tasty treat. “Okay I’ll give it to you, this is really good,” Maya admitted. 

“I knew you’d want it really,” Carina smiled as they continued their walk back to the car park. “Thank you for today.” 

Maya shrugged, “it’s fine. Glad I could help, really.” 

Carina opened her mouth to reply, but they were interrupted by a call behind them. “Maya?” 

Immediately Maya felt a shiver run down her spine, followed straight away by a huge pang of guilt as she looked at the gelato in her hand. She stopped walking, but couldn’t bring herself to turn around straight away. 

“Maya!” 

Now she turned around, and Carina followed suit. “Hi Dad.” 

“I see this friend of yours is still being a poor influence on your life choices,” he tutted. “I’m sure this isn’t the best use of your day off, shouldn’t you be working on your lieutenant application?” 

Maya clenched her jaw as he mentioned it. She still hadn’t told Carina about that. “I submitted it a couple of days ago,” she told him. “I’m just helping Carina out with some stuff today Dad, that’s all. I ran this morning, my training’s on track.” 

“You’ve got something to prove, Maya. There’s no time to rest easy now, you should be upping your regime.”

Maya heard Carina scoff beside her, and Maya didn’t have a chance to stop her before she responded. “I think you’ll find Maya does more than enough. She deserves to have a break now and again.” 

“Carina…” 

“No, io dovrebbe sapere! Non ti può trattare così! [he should know! He can’t treat you like this!]” 

Lane took a step towards them, and Maya instinctively took a step back at the same time. “At least speak to me in English if you’re going to be so rude,” he practically snarled at Carina. 

“ Sei proprio uno stronzo ! [you’re such an asshole],” Carina snarled before grabbing her hand. “Maya, andiamo [let’s go].” 

Maya panicked, pulling her hand from Carina’s, but not able to get words out to either of the people currently looking at her. “Maya?” Carina asked, softer now.

“Maya! Stand up for yourself! What sort of leader are you?!” 

“Just shut up! Both of you!” Maya finally raised her voice. “Dad, I’ll look at my training regime and message you later, but I need to get home and do some work now. I’ll see you soon.” 

She turned around and started to walk away. Carina followed, leaving Lane behind. Thankfully he didn’t shout after them, but she knew there would be messages later. 

“Maya-” Carina started as they walked.

“No, Carina, please just… not now,” Maya held a hand up to stop her, continuing her walk with purpose. She just wanted to get home now.

Even when they got back to the car, she kept her silence. Eyes forward the whole drive home. Carina respected it, thankfully, because Maya could feel the anger bubbling and she was working hard to keep herself relatively calm. 

When they arrived back, Maya stopped the car and went to get out, but Carina reached out and grabbed her arm. Instinctively she pulled it away, but did stop herself from leaving. “I can’t do this today, Carina. Please don’t start it.” 

“I’m worried about you, bella ,” she spoke softly. Too softly, because Maya felt it deep inside and it gave her those uncomfortable flutterings. A sign of weakness. She stiffened up. “Maya-” 

“Just go home, please. You have a date to get ready for, and I need to run before I say something I’ll regret,” she opened the door and stepped out of the car, shutting it maybe a little harder than necessary.

Carina followed her out of the car, grabbing her bags from the back seat. “ Mi dispiace …” 

“Don’t apologise, just go home. I’m not mad at you, I just need to work it out,” she told her.

Nodding, Carina walked towards her own car. “I’ll always be here when you’re ready to talk.”

Chapter Text

“That was a loud sigh.” Carina looked up to see Arizona standing at the nurses station, leaning on the edge and looking over at her. She gave her a small, probably unconvincing, smile. “This still anything to do with whatever was distracting you at the gala?” 

She cringed at the memory. That night had been a semi-disaster. She’d still been worrying about Maya and it hadn’t taken a genius to figure out something was on her mind. “I’m still really sorry about that. It was just bad timing.” 

Arizona smiled, “it’s fine, honestly, and you more than made up for it the other night.” The smile turned into a flirty grin as she moved around the desk to lean against it, next to where Carina was sitting. “But, something’s obviously bothering you again now, and I think four dates probably means we’re at the point where I can ask what’s up?” 

“It’s…” she considered her words carefully. “It’s just my best friend. I can’t really talk about it, it’s personal stuff, but I’m worried about her, and she’s not the greatest at talking. Something happened the day of the gala, and now she’s acting like everything’s fine again, but I can tell she’s not okay about it.” 

Arizona pushed herself up off her perch and stood behind Carina’s chair, starting to massage her shoulders gently. “I’m sure she’ll talk to you in time.” 

“Mmm you don’t know Maya,” she sighed, leaning back into her touch. “I’d like you to, though.” 

“Hm?” 

“I’d like you to know Maya. I mean, she’s my best friend, we kinda come as a pair, you should meet,” Carina told her.

The massage continued from behind her. “I’d like that. How long have you guys been friends?” 

“Just over 2 years, which I guess isn’t that long. Maya was the first friend I made here. She saved me after Andrea left me stranded at the airport when I arrived and we ended up spending the whole day together,” she smiled at the memory of their first meeting. 

“Well it doesn’t really matter how long you’ve been friends, it sounds like you two are very close. I mean, you’ve mentioned her plenty of times,” Arizona chuckled. “Why don’t we all meet at Joe’s after work?” 

“Maya’s working today, but maybe tomorrow? I’ll have to check with her.” 

Arizona nodded, finishing up her massage. Carina groaned as the contact was broken. “Sounds great, let me know. I’d better get back to work.” She watched her leave before turning back to the notes she was handling.

“You know normally you’re having a go at me for not knocking, and here you are bursting into my room 3 hours after we’ve returned from a 24 hour shift and I’m trying to sleep,” Andy appeared from under her duvet with a disgruntled face after Maya had burst in.

Maya shook her head, “it’s an emergency. I’m meeting Arizona this afternoon.” 

“I know, you told me yesterday, when we were meant to be awake,” she huffed. “What makes it so urgent now?” 

“What am I meant to do? Or say? I don’t want to come across too strong, but she needs to know not to hurt Carina because I swear I’ll come for her-” 

Andy held a hand up. “First of all, definitely don’t say that,” she pushed herself to sit up in bed. “Just be you, Maya. Carina wants her girlfriend to meet her best friend, not some fake version of her. You're only going to Joe's, it's nowhere scary. Now go and get some sleep otherwise you're just going to be grumpy Maya.”

“Will you help me work out what to wear?” 

“If you leave this room right now then yes, even though it's dumb and you should just wear what you're comfortable in, I will help you work out what to wear.”

That said enough and Maya immediately scuttled out and back to her own room to attempt sleep.

She managed a bit, but was actually woken by a weight dropping down on the bed beside her. Opening one eye, she saw Carina smiling at her. “Why are you here?” she asked in a half-asleep grumble. 

“ Ma che dolce [how sweet],” Carina chuckled. “I'm here to get you out of your head.”

Maya opened the other eye, confused. “What?”

“I know you Maya. You were the same when you met Andrea for the first time. So I'm here to tell you it's fine, Arizona will love you, and you don't need to do or wear anything special,” she playfully poked Maya's shoulder as she finished speaking. 

Maya turned to face her best friend, a little more awake now. “I don’t want to let you down.” 

“Ma-ya! Stupida !” Carina shook her head. “You’re not going to let me down, bella . We’re just going out for drinks and a chat, just like we regularly do.” 

“Except your girlfriend is there.” 

“If anyone should be scared it should probably be Arizona - Maya was definitely threatening violence earlier.” Neither of them had even noticed Andy come into the room. She was dressed now, and had clearly come to hold up her end of the bargain. “I see my presence is no longer required here.”

Andy went to leave, but Carina held a hand up. “ Espera [hold on (esp)] . Violence?” 

“Mhm, she said that if Arizona hurts you she will, and I quote, ‘come for her’.” 

Maya buried her face between the two pillows on her bed, groaning. “I didn’t mean it,” she mumbled, her voice quietened by the materials around her.

“Oh you definitely did,” Carina laughed, “but I’d expect nothing less.” 

She slowly made a reappearance from her hiding place, “really?” 

“ Sí bella, you are very loyal and protective of all your friends,” Carina moved her hand from where she’d been holding it up to brush Maya’s hair back from her face. “I know I can always rely on you to look out for me.” 

From the corner, Andy cleared her throat. “I’ll get going then.” 

Maya’s attention was pulled from where her eyes had been stuck on Carina’s. “Wait, where are you going?” 

“Dad’s. Something about his washing machine,” she rolled her eyes. “Have a good night ladies,” she teased before leaving the room. 

“She makes no sense sometimes,” Maya said as she sat up. “Don’t you need to go home and get ready?” 

Carina joined her in sitting up. “No, I bought my stuff here. I thought we could get ready together so I can keep you calm.” 

“ Sono calma [I am calm] ,” she grumbled. 

Except she wasn’t, and Carina, as usual, could read her like a book. She knew Maya was lying, so there was only really one option: go along with her plan. Carina had a way of getting her to comply like nobody else could.

“Well I’m gonna go shower.”

“I'll make coffee,” Carina smiled and jumped up. “Want me to pick you an outfit?”

She wanted to argue that she was a grown woman who could pick her own clothes, except she didn't actually know what to wear this time. “If you want,” she shrugged nonchalantly, but knowing Carina would take that as a yes, as she walked off. 

After her shower, there were black jeans, a white tee and her favourite black bomber jacket on the bed. She got dressed, and threw a light layer of makeup on before leaving her bedroom. 

As she entered the kitchen, Carina spun around holding her coffee, “looking good, bella .” She handed a second cup over to Maya. As Maya received it, she took in what Carina was wearing, almost dropping the coffee in the process. “Maya? Stai bene ?” 

Carina was in a simple black jumpsuit, but it definitely accentuated all the right things. She was dressing up for Arizona, of course, and yet Maya felt a little… well, she couldn’t quite place the feeling. But thinking about Carina dressing up for Arizona definitely gave her some kind of feeling. 

“Maya?” 

“Sorry, I’m okay, just tired I guess. Thanks for this,” she lifted the coffee up before sipping it. “Amazing as always.” 

“The coffee or my outfit?” Carina smirked.

It took everything in Maya not to choke on her next mouthful of coffee. “Both, of course,” she retorted back, before adding, “Arizona will be very impressed.” 

There was a flash of something on her face that almost looked like disappointment, but that couldn’t be right - could it? 

“ Sí, I hope so,” Carina’s look turned into a smile, and Maya shook the thoughts from her head and continued her coffee while quickly reading an email on her phone. “ Lavoro? [work?]” Maya jumped a little, not having noticed Carina moving behind her and looking over at her phone. Her friend laughed, “ mi dispiace [I’m sorry] bella, I didn’t mean to scare you. Is it work?” 

“Nothing exciting, just some shifts they need covering, Might pick up a couple,” she shrugged.

Carina placed a hand on Maya’s shoulder, “ stai attente .” 

“ Sempre, ” Maya placed a reassuring hand on top of her friend’s. “But you need to stop worrying so much.” 

“I’ll always worry about you, bella .” 

There was that feeling again. Maya quickly dropped her hand and stepped away. “ Lo so [I know.” 

Carina turned and rinsed her now empty cup. “Your Italian is getting very good,” she commented. “Have you been practicing?” 

“When I can’t sleep on shift,” Maya shrugged. “I pick most of it up from you though.” 

“You’re a good learner,” Carina smiled, and then clapped her hands together. “ Andiamo [let’s go], we’ll be late.”

Arizona stood up as they entered the bar, getting their attention. Carina walked over, Maya following just behind. Carina kissed her girlfriend quickly and then stood to one side. “Arizona, this is my best friend Maya,” she made the introduction even though they both knew well who the other was.

“It’s great to finally meet you, I’ve heard a lot about you,” Maya held a hand out, which Arizona shook. 

Normally, Carina could read Maya like a book, but today she was struggling. She didn’t know what she’d expected from them meeting, but the shaking of hands was… interesting. Maya was being friendly, as she would expect, but there was something else, something she couldn’t make out. 

While she’d been thinking, the two continued talking, clearly clueless to her swirling mind.

“Likewise,” Arizona smiled. “Enough to know your drinks order actually, so I got them in - hope that’s okay,” she looked over at Carina. 

Carina looked at the table and saw the white wine and whiskey sitting there. It had come up in one of their previous dates. In fact now she thought about it, they’d discussed Maya a lot on every date - was that weird? She mentally shook herself, she needed to stop overthinking, realising that both of them were looking at her. “Thank you,” she smiled and they all sat down.

“So I guess you’re the one I need to convince that I’m good enough,” Arizona chuckled as she picked up her wine glass. 

“Technically that’s Andrew,” Maya pointed out, putting her glass down having taken a sip. 

Arizona shook her head as she swallowed her wine, placing her glass down. “No, it’s definitely you. Andrew was easy - plus he’s a resident so he has to be nice to me. You, however, I have a suspicion you’re going to be a lot harder to convince.” 

Carina watched on as the two of them chatted away. It was almost a little strange to watch. She hadn’t really expected them to get on too well, but it very quickly appeared that the two of them were almost as if Carina didn’t need to be there. Not that she was mad about that, of course, it was ideal for them to get along, but it didn’t stop her feeling odd about the whole situation. The thing is, she didn’t really know why. Surely having both her favourite women in one place should make her happy?

After another few minutes of listening to the two blondes, Carina stood up. “I’m going to go and get some snacks and another round,” she smiled in what she hoped was a convincing smile and went over to the bar. It was pretty busy, so she leant against a spare stool waiting her turn, trying not to think too hard about everything. She glanced back over at Maya and Arizona laughing about something, sighing a little.

“Penny for them?” 

She jumped at the voice in her ear and turned to see Amelia standing beside her. “What are you doing here?” 

“Oh I’m sorry, I forgot the bar was your private meeting place,” Amelia rolled her eyes as she walked around to stand in front of her friend. “So what are you thinking about while you stare at two, quite frankly gorgeous, women?” 

“Please do not objectify my girlfriend and my best friend,” she rolled her eyes.

“Technically, your best friend is up for grabs,” she shrugged. Without even thinking, Carina shot Amelia a glaring look, and she held her hands up. “Well my apologies for even thinking about her, but might I point out that you have your own girlfriend already? Or is that up for question…” 

Carina felt like she was choking on air at Amelia’s questions, but she quickly retorted back. “Amelia I just don’t want you playing your games with Maya! Plus, it’s just weird, my two closest friends? That’s weird to think about.” 

It was weird to think about, but there was also a definite feeling of anger bubbling in her at the thought. Amelia was smirking at her, obviously proud of herself for having wound Carina up, and she was doing her best not to snap back. She glanced back over at the table and saw the other two women still talking. Maya looked up at that moment, smiling over at Carina, before turning her attention back to Arizona.

“Oh Deluca…” Amelia shook her head. “Be careful.” 

Carina sighed, looking back, “what are you talking about Amelia?” 

“I think you know,” she patted her shoulder. “Gotta go, got an intense darts match to finish. Just heed my warning Carina.” 

“Still don’t know what you’re talking about,” she mumbled as her friend left the bar, and someone came to serve her at the same time. 

A couple of hours later, they were three drinks down - having all bought a round - and Carina and Arizona were sitting a lot closer together. Maya had, thus far, done a pretty good job at ignoring it, but the alcohol was causing her inhibitions to slip, and she was now resisting the urge to pull Arizona off her best friend. 

Tonight had been eye-opening, but not in a good way. Maya needed to get herself out of this situation, that much was clear, so she feigned a yawn. 

“You alright bella ?” Carina reached around and placed a hand on her arm out of concern. The touch felt almost painful

Maya nodded, “just tired. I think I’m gonna head home and give you guys some alone time.” 

“You don’t have to go on our account,” Arizona jumped in. 

If she was honest, Maya hated how much she liked this woman. Arizona was fun, they’d talked for quite a while at the start of the evening, and she seemed to respect how close Carina and Maya were as friends too. On the outside, there was no reason to dislike her. 

Except part of her did. 

“I know, but honestly I’m shattered,” she smiled and stood up. Carina did also, quickly pulling her into a hug. “Lunch tomorrow yeah?” 

“Of course,” Maya agreed as they separated. 

“Will you be okay getting home?” Carina checked, “we can come outside until you get an uber?” 

“No I’ll be fine, honestly,” Maya told her and turned to Arizona. “It was lovely to meet you properly. If you upset her you’ll have me to answer to, but otherwise you’re alright.” 

“I’ll take that,” Arizona laughed. “We should do this again though, it was fun.” 

“Oh yes! We could do games night,” Carina jumped at the thought and Maya felt her heart flutter at her excitement, however she also groaned. “What?” 

“Carina you’re so competitive it’s dangerous,” she rolled her eyes. 

Carina huffed, “that was one time.” 

“I could’ve been blinded!” 

“It was a tiny cut and it was nowhere near your eye,” she tutted.

Arizona cleared her throat, “do I want to know this story?” 

“Just watch yourself around Carina and anything that can be thrown if you’re playing games,” Maya warned her. 

“I wasn’t aiming for you!” 

Maya nodded and then pointed at Arizona as she added, “and don’t play darts with her.” 

That caused a laugh from Arizona and a very disgruntled face from Carina. Pleased with herself, Maya decided what was a good time to leave. “Have a good night, don’t do anything I wouldn’t!” 

“That doesn’t rule much out,” Carina retorted and Maya chuckled as she walked out. 

Her smile dropped a little as she got out into the fresh air and she remembered why she was leaving. What was going on? Her mind was screaming. Was she jealous of Arizona? That was ridiculous. Carina had been on dates before and she’d never felt like this. In fact she’d been with Arizona for a few weeks with no problem, so why was this bothering her now? She shouldn’t be jealous of her best friend having a girlfriend. It was wrong. 

After walking for a few minutes in the direction of home, she pulled her phone out and quickly dialled Andy’s number. 

Thankfully she answered quickly. “Maya? Everything okay?” 

“Are you home?” she asked, continuing her brisk walk. 

“I am, why? Do you need the apartment?” 

Maya scrunched her face up a little, before realising it was Wednesday and therefore not an overly surprising question. “No! No, I need to talk to you,” she replied. “You understand feelings way better than I do, I need you to tell me what the fuck is going on.” 

“Feeling- oh, I see. Do you need a lift home?” she asked.

“What do you mean you see? What do you see?!” 

“Maya, calm down, where are you?” Andy asked, and Maya could hear her moving to get her shoes on and grab her keys. 

She stopped, looking around. “Uh- I actually don’t know, I think I’ve gone off course…” 

“How much have you had to drink Maya?”

“Um, three?” she answered, “but I’m fine. I know where I am, I’m…” she turned around on the spot.

“Maya-” 

“I’m all good there’s some trees, and a road?”

“Maya-” 

“Oh there’s a sign I can read the sign! Oh it’s a little blurry…” 

“Bishop! I can find you on Find my Friends, just stay where you are okay?” 

Maya looked around and found a wall she could sit on, resigning herself to doing as asked. “Fine,” she mumbled, sitting down heavily on the wall.

The eye roll from Andy was almost audible. “I won’t be long.” 

Andy had brought water with her, and Maya had practically downed the bottle on the journey. Once they got back, she got herself another glass, sipping at it while pacing the kitchen, waiting for Andy to come back from the bathroom. 

“Do you ever stop moving?” Andy asked as she walked back in. 

“I’m trying to work things out. Normally I run, but that’s probably not wise right now, so here we are,” she gestured wildly as she spoke, the glass of water abandoned on a counter at some point in her pacing. 

“You spend way too much time with Carina, you’re practically turning into her.”

Maya stopped in her tracks, facing Andy. “What do you mean?” 

“Your hands, they literally don’t stop moving,” Andy laughed. “So, tell me about these feelings. Anything to do with the aforementioned best friend?” 

“Y- you- how did you-” Maya’s hands flung to her head, running through her hair as she started to pace again. 

Andy shook her head, grabbing Maya’s arm as she walked passed and stopping her in her tracks. “Because I know you Maya, I know you very well. How did you realise?” 

Maya sighed, “I think I’m jealous of Arizona.” 

“Ah… did it not go well tonight?” 

“Quite the opposite actually, we got on really well. She’s lovely, gorgeous, smart, perfect for Carina really. They are great together too, really great. And Arizona clearly cares a lot for her, I don’t think she’d hurt her, and I asked a lot of questions to make sure.” 

Andy nodded, “and you want to be that person for Carina?” 

“I don’t get it! I’ve never felt like this before, I’ve never wanted to hate one of Carina’s dates, I’ve never even thought about her like that! It doesn’t make sense.” 

Maya fought out of Andy’s grasp, she needed to move again. She really wanted to run, but she was still somewhat tipsy and it was getting late. She picked up her water again, sipping it, and putting it back down again a little too hard - the bang reverberating around the otherwise quiet room. 

As she started pacing again, she looked to Andy who seemed to be considering her own response. “Just say it Andy, whatever it is.” 

“I think you’ve felt this way a lot longer than you realise,” she finally spoke. 

Maya scoffed, “ sei stupida .”

Andy rolled her eyes, “doesn’t take a genius to translate that one Maya. And the very fact that you have learned so much Italian is pretty telling.” 

“No it doesn’t! I spend loads of time with Carina, I’ve just picked things up,” she argued back.

This time it was Andy’s turn to scoff. “Maya, you barely know a single word of Spanish.” 

Maya paused her walk and looked at Andy. “Oh-” 

“And you can’t tell me you just picked things up. It’s quite clear you’ve been learning in your spare time,” she added. 

Maya bit her lip, looking down. “Maybe a little.”

Andy walked over, getting eye contact back, “Maya I’m not mad that you don’t know Spanish, I’m just saying that maybe there’s a reason you put so much effort in.” 

As usual, Andy had read her like a book, except clearly even Maya didn’t really know the contents of it. “Andy what the hell do I do now?” 

“What do you want to do?” 

Maya opened her mouth to answer, but she didn’t know what to say. She shut it again, shaking her head. “I need to run.” 

“You are not running Maya, you’re still drunk.” 

“Not outside, I can go on the treadmill,” she argued back. 

Andy rolled her eyes, “absolutely not.” 

Maya groaned in frustration, knowing her friend was right but struggling with the overwhelming nature of these new revelations. She needed to think, and she couldn’t think like this.  If she couldn’t exercise…

Maya suddenly darted off, leaving Andy alone in the kitchen as she went to the cupboard and pulled out her cleaning supplies, grabbing a cloth and spray and returning to the kitchen to get started on the worktops. She scrubbed furiously as if it might somehow give her some answers. 

She wished she'd never worked it out. Living in blissful ignorance had been lovely. Everyone was happy, nobody got hurt, her and Carina were friends. But she couldn't see a scenario right now in which everyone came out unscathed. If she tells Carina and it goes well, then Arizona gets hurt. If it doesn’t, their friendship is lost. And if she doesn’t tell her, then Maya is stuck feeling like this. Unless there was a secret fourth option she could bring up while cleaning. 

After 20 minutes, Andy gave up, muttering something about waiting in her bedroom, but Maya wasn’t really listening. She’d moved onto the oven, scrubbing at the door in something close to anger. The more she thought, the more she realised that the only option was to keep the pain to herself. She couldn’t share it with Carina, she couldn’t do that. Whatever she felt for her, above all else she cared for her best friend, and the only way to avoid pain for Carina was to keep this quiet, and she would have to handle it. Though the tears in her eyes would need better control than she had right now. 

When the knock came at the door, Maya jumped, slamming her knee on the oven door where she’d been crouching. She swore loudly (in Italian), throwing the sponge and finally getting herself standing again. The noise must have disturbed Andy who reappeared. “Who’s at the door?” 

Maya shrugged. 

“Well you must have let them up? Or it’s a neighbour?” 

She shrugged again, rubbing at her knee.

“I guess I’ll answer it then?” 

Andy walked by her and to the front door, opening it, and within seconds going to shut it again, but the person on the other side stopped her and shouted passed her. “Maya?” 

A shiver ran down her spine at the familiar voice. 

Why now?

Maya stood up, quickly wiping at her face to try and hide the evidence of her emotions as she went over to the door. “Andy, it's fine,” she intercepted the current standoff between her father and her friend. 

“I can stay-” 

“I can handle this,” she looked Andy right in the eyes, and she finally backed off, leaving Maya to open the door properly for her Dad.

“I don’t know why you associate with these people, Maya,” Lane tutted as he walked in. “You shouldn’t have friends over this late.” 

She resisted the urge to question who ‘these people’ were meant to be. “Andy lives here, Dad.” 

“What on earth are you talking about?!” his voice was already raised. Maya tried hard not to wince, her head starting to hurt with the after-effects of the alcohol.

She shut the front door, taking a deep breath and then turned back around to address him. “She’s my colleague and my friend, and she needed a place to stay, that’s all. It doesn’t affect anything Dad. I’m still training, I’m still working, everything’s on track. Now why have you turned up at my apartment at 11pm?” 

“Can a father not check up on his daughter when he’s passing?” Lane asked.

Internally she scoffed. Sure, they could, but her Dad didn’t do that. “Of course, but it’s late Dad.” 

“Well you’ve not been in contact for a while, just wanted to make sure everything was on track. Heard anything about the promotion?” 

And there it was, the real reason he was here, as well as the reason that Maya had been avoiding his calls.

“Not yet, these things take time, Dad. I don’t have any control over it now the application is done,” she explained.

“Oh sure you do kiddo! They’ll be watching you, always watching you. You have to keep working hard, no distractions,” Lane spoke just as he used to all those years ago. “There aren’t any distractions are there?” 

She knew exactly what he meant. Relationships. He barely tolerated her friendships, so relationships were a no go. So it was lucky that Maya didn’t do relationships.

Carina flashed before her eyes briefly. Only a matter of minutes ago she’d been considering a relationship. How stupid she’d been. It couldn’t happen, and not just because it could ruin their friendship.

Maya Bishop didn’t have time for relationships. She didn’t have time to commit herself that way. 

Suddenly she was quite grateful for her father’s interruption. 

“No Dad, no distractions. I’ll be Lieutenant before you know it.” 

“That’s my girl,” he patted her shoulder. “You should get that girl out of here too, you don’t need that at home.” 

“Excuse me, that girl can hear you,” Andy’s voice retorted back. 

And it had been going so well… 

“I think it’s up to Maya who stays in her apartment.” 

Andy and her Dad didn’t get on. They never had. Andy didn’t like Lane, she made that quite clear, and it had caused more than one argument between the two friends in the past. Lane didn’t like Andy either, ever since the two had become friends at the academy. He’d insisted that Maya should only see her as a threat, and then when Andy had been promoted to Lieutenant before her recently, that had only made his attitude towards her worse.

“Andy please,” Maya stopped the conversation quickly, and then looked to her Dad. “It’s late Dad, I need to get to bed. I’ll call you as soon as I hear back, okay?” 

He glared over her at Andy, but nodded. “Keep up the good work kiddo, I’m proud of you.” 

Maya felt the familiar warmth in her chest as she said it, and couldn’t help but smile as her Dad went to leave the apartment.

“No hang on,” Andy stepped forward again. “Is that it? Maya-” 

“No distractions, Maya!” Lane called out before leaving.

Maya flinched a little as the door closed heavily behind him. She sighed, turning around to go back to the kitchen, but Andy stepped in front of her. “Not now, Andy.” 

“Will you ever stand up to him?!” 

Maya crossed her arms, not in any mood to have this conversation with now. “Andy, this is none of your business, just let me get back to cleaning and you can go to bed.”

“No, Maya! Your Dad just basically told you to kick me out and you did nothing?!” 

She briefly used one of her hands to rub her forehead. “Andy my head is killing can we talk tomorrow?” 

“So you can avoid me all day to get out of it? Absolutely not Maya. I get he’s your Dad, but what the fuck was that? He turns up unannounced at 11pm just to make sure you have no friends, no life, and are still training? Why don’t you stand up to him?!” 

Maya felt her defences rising as Andy spoke. “It’s none of your fucking business! I’m not going to ask you to leave if that’s your problem. My Dad cares, that’s all. Stay out of it!” 

“That is not caring, Maya. Just before he came you were having a crisis about your feelings for your best friend. If he cared, you wouldn’t be scared to tell him about that, would you?” 

“Well there’s nothing to tell him about, Andy! I don’t have time for feelings!” she shouted back, forcing her way by Andy, ignoring the kitchen now and heading for her bedroom. 

Andy called after her, but Maya slammed the door behind her and threw herself onto her bed. 

This was not how the day was meant to have gone. 

Chapter Text

Carina had just said goodbye to Arizona - they’d ended up back at Carina’s place after finishing up at the bar and her girlfriend had ended up staying the night. Unfortunately, their comfortable morning had been interrupted by Arizona being called in for an urgent patient. 

Now alone in the apartment, Carina made herself coffee. She smiled to herself as she thought back to the previous night. Maya and Arizona had got on. Maya seemed happy for them, and Carina respected that. Maya was, and always would be, her best friend. Any thoughts of anything else… well they would be forgotten. She wasn’t that person.

Picking up her espresso, Carina returned to her room. She was feeling a little off this morning (probably down to the late night) so she decided a rest before getting ready for work would probably be wise. She grabbed her phone, which she hadn’t particularly looked at since the previous night. The first thing she spotted was a message from Andy from the previous evening - just before midnight to be precise. She quickly went to open it - messages from Andy were rarely just a friendly hello.

Andy : Fair warning, Lane turned up at the apartment tonight. 

Shit.

Carina quickly replied.

Carina: Sorry, only just caught this. Is Maya alright? 

She didn’t really expect a response, given how early it was, but when she got an almost immediate reply, Carina remembered that they were on shift today. 

Andy: No idea, we fought, she won’t talk to me. Lane tried to suggest she shouldn’t have a friend living with her, she didn’t defend me. I tried to tell her how fucked up that is, but she stormed off. 

Carina : Was she still a little drunk? 

Andy: Maybe, but she’s avoiding me this morning too.

Carina: I’ll try and talk to her. Thanks for letting me know. 

Andy: I’m worried about her Carina, I hope you can get through.

Carina was worried too. After what had happened the night of the gala, and now this too, Lane seemed to be strengthening his grip on his daughter again despite the best efforts of her best friends. 

She opened up Maya’s contact and dialled for a video call. 

“I’m getting ready for work, I don’t have long,” Maya answered, placing the phone in her usual spot as she continued getting ready.

She sighed quietly, this was already Maya in defence mode. “We talk before work all the time, bella . Are you okay?”

“Fine, how was the rest of your night?” Maya asked.

“Great, yeah. Arizona just left actually, got called into work,” she explained. “How was yours? Those whiskeys get to you?” 

Maya shrugged, “I’m fine.” 

She clearly wasn’t going to offer up the information about her Dad easily, so Carina persisted. “You don’t seem fine, Maya. Did something happen after you left?” 

That was clearly the wrong thing to say, because Maya went from focussing on her hair to glaring at the camera. “Andy texted you, didn’t she?” 

Of course she would work it out. “Yes, she did, but only because she’s worried about you.” 

“She’s not worried about me! She just cares if she’s gonna get kicked out or not!” Maya argued back.

Carina had to bite her tongue from arguing straight back. Deep down, Maya knew that wasn’t true, there was no point telling her, and shouting back would never help. “Well I’m worried about you, Maya. You’ve not been right since we ran into your Dad, and now this too? You’re pulling away-” 

“Whose side are you on, Carina? Why do you and Andy feel the need to pick apart my feelings? If you really want to know, my Dad actually helped me sort out some things last night, so it was helpful, and now I need to get to work and focus.” 

Thankfully, Maya had stopped looking at the screen again, otherwise she’d likely have had something to say about the brief angry look that passed over Carina’s face. She chose her next words carefully. “What do you mean focus? You’re always focussed on your work.” 

“No, I’ve been distracted. I need to get my head down, they’re going to be watching me closely now I’ve applied for Lieutenant. Last night was a good reminder of that.” 

She knew Maya well enough to know that this conversation was a lost cause right now, but that didn’t stop Carina from wanting to try. “But you’ve already done the application, haven’t you?” 

Maya let out a frustrated growl. “You don’t get it Carina. Hell you didn’t even have to work for your job, it pretty much got handed to you!” 

There was silence from both sides after she said that. Carina couldn’t quite believe what she had heard. She felt a pang in her chest which she put down to the shock.

“Carina, I-” 

She wanted to keep it together, she did, but something in Carina snapped at this point. “No Maya, I heard you. I need to go and get ready for my hand-me-down job. Hope you manage to impress your bosses,” she told her and hung up.

As soon as she’d done it, Carina threw her phone on the bed. She wasn’t entirely sure if she was angry at Maya or at herself. Maybe it was both. Mostly, she was angry at Lane, because that man had hurt Maya harder than she could see. They’d been best friends for two years now, and Carina was still surprised by how much damage Maya’s father could do with so few words. 

Regardless of all that, she really did have to get to work. Standing up, she grabbed her phone from where it had landed and sent one last quick text to Andy.

Carina: I tried. 

She was still in a foul mood when arriving at work. Walking along to her relatively new office (which she still needed to add her own touch to), she was met with Arizona holding coffee. The other woman was smiling, although that seemed to drop when she clicked Carina’s expression. “Bad morning?” 

“Could say that,” she sighed, taking the coffee. “Thanks, I need this,” she added and opened her office door, gesturing for Arizona to follow her in.

Arizona shut the door behind them. “Anything I can do?” 

“Help me cover up a murder?” Carina muttered, pausing as she felt a small wave of dizziness.

“Who are we killing?” 

The response did cause a small smile from Carina who placed the coffee down on her desk and went to grab her white coat from where she’d left it hanging. 

“Maya’s father,” she seethed while putting her coat on. “That man is a monster.” 

Arizona immediately looked concerned. “Has he hurt her?” 

“Yes!” Carina replied, probably too fast, pacing the room in front of her girlfriend. “I mean, no. Well, not physically at least, not for a while, it’s-” she rubbed her forehead. “It’s complicated, and it’s not my story to share, but he’s a stronzo and now Maya is being an ass and she only does it because of him and I usually try to control it but this morning I just couldn’t she made me so mad and I just-” she paused, the dizziness overwhelming her.

“Carina?” Arizona rushed over. “Here, come and sit down, lean on me,” she helped her over to the sofa. “You’re still getting dizzy?”

Carina sat back, the worst of the feeling slowly wearing off. “What do you mean still?” 

“Oh, Andrew just mentioned-” 

“ Spione [Snitch] ”

Arizona sat down beside her. “I don’t know what you just said, but I can have a good guess, and he only did it because he was worried. Plus I know you’ve had some milder dizzy spells when we’ve been together and hidden them. I’m a doctor, Carina.” 

“It’s nothing, it’s just stress, this morning’s been a lot,” Carina went to stand up again, but was prevented. “Arizona, I’m okay. I just need to get food and get to work because I’ve got a lot to fit in before my research time this afternoon.” She stood up again, this time Arizona moved to let her. “How’s your urgent patient anyway?

“Managed to get her stable without the need for surgery so far. Got one of the residents watching her closely for now but I’d better get back. Just be careful, please?” 

Carina rolled her eyes, picking up her coffee. “I’ll be fine. I’ll see you later,” she quickly grabbed a kiss and then opened her door to hold it for Arizona who smiled and they both went their own ways.

Andy: Maya’s in full eyes forward mode, this is bad. I managed to sneakily persuade the captain to put her on aid car to cover her ass. 

Carina: Grazie, I was worried. I’m out of ideas right now, she won’t listen while she’s in this state.

Andy: I’ll keep trying. Vic is too. 

She put her phone down, trying to focus on the screen in front of her. As much as she was enjoying being back in clinical work, she did like to get her head back into the research she’d come to the hospital for in the first place.

It was scarily close to being completed at this point, which came with a mixture of excitement and fear. It was 2 years of her life that had been put into this, and it had been quite the two years. Finishing up this paper would almost be like the end of an era, but Carina had to admit she was excited for what was coming next. 

Or she would be, if her best friend wasn’t angry with her. 

Carina sighed, looking back at her phone longingly, wishing Maya would respond to her. She’d seen the effects of Lane’s involvement in her life far too much. Carina had managed to soften some of it, over time. Andy had complimented her on it regularly. This, however, this may have undone it all.

The knock at her door pulled her out of the spiral and she called for them to come in. 

Arizona opened the door, walking in and placing a paper bag on her desk. “I thought you might need something to eat so I grabbed a muffin on my way by the canteen,” she sat down on a spare chair adjacent to the desk. “How’s it going?” 

“Struggling to concentrate,” she sighed. 

“Worried about Maya?” 

“Yeah, she’s not responding to me and Andy said she’s in full eyes forward mode at work.” 

Arizona shifted a little in her chair and looked confused. “Eyes forward?” 

“Mm, it was drilled into her growing up. Focus on your own goal, nobody else,” Carina could see where Arizona’s mind was going. “It’s not her fault, and she’s got better with it. I mean she still-” Carina stopped herself. “I can’t, I shouldn’t be talking about this.” 

“I know, not your story, but it’s really upsetting you, Carina. Can I help with anything?” 

She shook her head. “It’s fine. Vic and Andy are watching out for her, I just wish I could be there.” 

“I’d say running into fires probably isn’t your thing,” Arizona chuckled, clearly attempting to lighten the mood. 

Carina shrugged, “I don’t know, I think I’d look pretty good in the uniform.”

“Ah, that you definitely would.” Her phone buzzed then, and Carina quickly picked it up. “Maya?” 

“No, a patient I asked Jo to keep me updated on. I might go and check in seeing as I can’t focus on this - the break might help,” she stood up and slipped her coat back on. “Are you free for dinner tonight?” 

Arizona also got up from the chair. “Sounds good to me.” 

“My place after work?”

“I’ll be there,” she agreed and went over, opening the door. 

Carina went to head out, but suddenly felt herself go dizzy again, and her heart was pounding. She didn’t know whether to clutch her head or her chest, and she definitely hadn’t realised she was about to drop to the floor until Arizona had an arm around her waist and managed to get a chair behind her. “I’m fine, I’m okay.” 

“No, Carina, you’re not fine. You almost passed out,” Arizona crouched down in front of the chair, using one hand to brush the hair back from Carina’s face where she was leaning forward. “You need to get checked out.” 

“It’s just the stress, Arizona, I promise. I’ll… I’ll drink something, and eat that muffin.” 

Arizona hummed, unconvinced, but not pushing further. “Okay, but you’re not going to check on that patient. I’ll go and see if I can help, but you stay here. Got it? I’ll be back in a bit” 

“Yes Mum,” Carina rolled her eyes. To be honest she felt better already, but it seemed easier to just let Arizona go on this one.

She really did need this Maya thing sorted out though, especially if it’s making her feel like this. Lane Bishop has so much to answer for.

Maya punched at the bag repeatedly. She was fed up with thinking, she couldn’t think anymore. If she stopped she immediately started going over everything that happened with her father, Andy, and Carina, and it was too much. 

To top it off, Sullivan had put her on aid car today. She wasn’t meant to be, and Maya was pretty sure Andy had something to do with the switch. It’s not that she didn’t like aid car, she did, but today she wanted the thrill of the fire - it was far more distracting. 

“Maya!” 

Andy had been calling her name for a couple of minutes already. Maya had been doing her best to ignore her, but she wasn’t giving in. With a huff, she stopped her relentless hits and looked at her friend. “What do you want, Andy?” 

“I want you to stop hitting that bag, Maya. You’ve been at it for far too long, you missed lunch.” 

“I’m not hungry,” she replied, hitting out at the bag again a few times, mostly just to piss Andy off. 

Andy shook her head in defeat. “Just hit the shower Maya, you could get a call any moment and you’re a sweaty mess,” she told her before walking away. 

Annoyingly, Andy had a point, so once she was well out of sight Maya did make her way to the showers. 

It turned out to be the right decision, because the second she had dressed, the call went out for the aid car to attend an incident. Maya quickly tied her still slightly damp hair up and ran down to meet Vic who had already jumped in the driver’s side. “The wet hair is a good look on you Bishop.” 

Maya ignored her, looking at the information on where they were going. “12-year-old female, fell off a trampoline at a birthday party, reported arm and head injury.” 

“Try and put on a smile Maya, don’t scare the poor girl,” Vic joked.

“Leave it Vic.” 

There was silence for a few moments, and Maya was appreciative of it, but it didn’t last long - it rarely did in Vic’s presence. “No, actually, I can’t leave it. You’re snappy and angry and quite frankly really annoying to be with right now. Andy told me about your argument, Maya. We’re worried about you.” 

“Well don’t be,” Maya rolled her eyes. 

“Fine, if you don’t want us to worry about you, then we’ll worry about the rest of the house, Maya, because the way you’re acting could put us in danger in the field and you know it,” Vic spoke harshly as she parked up outside the address of the emergency and jumped out.

The words hit Maya a little, especially coming from Vic, but she didn’t have time to think about that now. 

Grabbing the bags they needed, a woman who introduced herself as Hayley, the Mum of the birthday girl, rushed them around. “I don’t know exactly what happened, she was on the trampoline and then ended up on the floor. I think one of the other kids bounced her by accident. We didn’t move her, but she was cold so I got some blankets. All the other girls are inside.” 

“You did everything right,” Vic told her before crouching down next to their patient. “My name’s Vic, this is Maya, what’s your name?” 

“C-Cerys,” the young girl muttered. Maya joined Vic on the ground, kneeling down and opening up the medical bag. She noted that the girl looked terrified and in a lot of pain, which given the look of her arm wasn’t a surprise. 

Maya handed Vic the eye torch, knowing they’d need to assess her head injury, before taking out the IV kit to be prepared. “Hey Cerys. Can you tell me what hurts?” 

“My head hurts really bad, and my arm. Is my arm broken? I can’t have broken it, I can’t, my Mum will be so angry,” she was looking around in a panic. “Is she here?” 

“Not yet love, I did call her,” Hayley said from behind them. 

“No! No you shouldn’t have!” 

Vic placed a hand gently on Cerys’ shoulder, “I’m sure your Mum will just want you to get better, she won’t be angry at you for getting hurt.” 

Instead of calming her, that only seemed to make things worse, and Maya spotted the second that Cerys went to try and sit up. “Hey, you need to stay lying down for us Cerys, we need to make sure your back is okay first after you fell,” Maya spoke calmly to her. “I know it really hurts, will you let me put a little needle in your good arm so I can give you some painkillers?” 

Cerys nervously bit her lower lip and then agreed, so Maya got to work while Vic continued. “While Maya’s doing that, I’ll see if we can check on that neck and back. Does any of it hurt?” 

“No, just my head where I hit it, but not my neck. What about my arm?” she asked again. 

“I promise I’ll look at your arm once I’ve given you some pain relief,” Maya told her. “Let Vic focus on your head first.” 

Vic did the full checks and managed to clear the spine, as well as not being overly concerned about her head, which allowed them to sit Cerys up and make her a little more comfortable. Maya had also managed to give her some IV paracetamol to take the edge off the pain. “Well done, now I’ll have a look at that arm for you.” 

“Please don’t say it’s broken, please,” she stared at where Maya carefully took hold of her arm, wincing as she did, but not crying. Maya had noted that the girl hadn’t shed a tear. 

Unfortunately, there wasn’t a chance that this arm wasn’t fractured. The swelling and shape of it was a dead giveaway. “I’m really sorry Cerys, but I think it is likely to be broken,” Maya told her truthfully. 

“No! No it can’t be! She’ll be so angry!” In a panic, the girl scrambled to her feet. 

Maya jumped up too. “Cerys, it’s okay, they’ll have a look at the hospital, do an x-ray, and they’ll be able to fix it.”

“But I have to train! I need to practice! I can’t play tennis without my arm, Mum’s gonna kill me! I spent ages persuading her to let me come to the party, and now I’ve done this! I don’t know what she’ll do, she usually makes me train more when she’s mad but I won’t be able to and I don’t know what the punishment for that is.” 

Those words… those words were way too familiar. Maya froze, suddenly realising what she was hearing - she was listening to her 12-year-old self. 

Vic had stood up too now. “Cerys, look at me,” she encouraged her, and slowly the girl did look up from the ground. “I’ll explain to your Mum it was an accident, and that you’re really hurt.” 

But Maya knew that wouldn’t work, just as much as Cerys clearly did. Except now she was seeing it from the other side, from the side all her friends did. She could see a scared little girl, terrified of the moment her Mum would arrive and find out what had happened, that she was going to be out of training - likely for a number of months. Maya knew exactly how it felt to be terrified of a parent’s reaction. She remembered it clearly.

She could feel the throb within a second of falling. Her knee had twisted as she’d started to turn onto the final straight and a 12-year-old Maya dropped to the ground, 100m away from her father who was waiting at the finish line.

“Get up Maya, embrace the pain!” 

And she tried, she really did. Maya had a high pain tolerance, she’d pushed through all sorts in the past, but the second she put weight back on her leg, it buckled again. 

“Maya Bishop get up!” he called again from down the track.

“Dad, it’s my knee,” she shouted back. 

She could see the anger in his face as he stormed towards her - it sent a shiver down his spine. There was nobody else at the track now, and it was cold. Maya didn’t know the time, but it was late - she knew that. She’d lost her race on Saturday, so they had to train longer. “Maya Kathleen Bishop you stand up right now!” 

Once again she did her best, but whatever she tried it just wasn’t possible. “Dad I’m sorry, I can’t.” 

“What did you just say to me?!” 

“I- I can’t- I can’t get up-” she shook a little. From the cold, she told herself.

Lane walked over, grabbing her arm and pulling her to her feet. Maya couldn’t help the scream she let out from the pain. “Shut it!” 

“Dad I can’t walk on it, I can’t, I’ll make it worse and then I won’t be able to run, please…” she begged him. She knew it needed checking out at the hospital, and probably physio. Hopefully it was a light injury with a short recovery, she prayed it was, because she was already terrified of what came next. 

Eventually, Lane relented and took her to the emergency room. He bombarded the staff with questions, playing the doting father, but the moment they were home - Maya sporting a knee support and temporary crutches, everything changed. He shouted, sent her to bed without food, and told her they’d be doing some seated weight training at 6am. 

It was a horrific 4 weeks.

Maya shook her head out of her flashback and stepped in front of Vic to get a panicky Cerys’ attention. “Hey, Cerys, I understand, more than you might know. I know you’re scared, but that arm looks really sore, and moving about won’t help. Why don’t we go and sit down and I can take a look?” 

“No I can’t! I can’t!” Cerys held her arm close, away from Maya.

Vic went to speak again, but Maya held her hand back to ask her not to, before gesturing for her to step back a bit. She took another step towards Cerys and took a deep breath before she spoke her next words quietly, so only Cerys could hear. “When I was 12 I sprained my knee while running. See I’d lost my race a couple of days before so my Dad had me doing extra training. I don’t really know how long we’d been out there, but it was pretty cold and dark. I was turning onto the final straight and my knee buckled. He was shouting at me to get up, but any time I tried it hurt so much, I couldn’t hold my weight. I had to beg him to go to the hospital. He punished me for the whole time I was in recovery, and pushed me further when I got back on track.” 

Cerys looked up at her slowly. “You were a runner?” 

“Until 2012, yes. Injured out, and then ended up doing this job instead,” she told her.

The girl looked up at her, clearly noting her name badge. “Wait, you’re Maya Bishop? The Maya Bishop?” 

She’d actually been counting on the girl being too young to make that connection. “Uh, yes, I am. I’m surprised you know that.” 

“I watched your race with my Mum when I was five. I loved you. I said I wanted to do running after that race, but she made me do tennis,” Cerys explained. 

Maya smiled slightly, but it was only brief, because as much as she always wanted to inspire others, the thought that Cerys was going through everything she had was not a nice one. “Do you enjoy tennis?” 

Cerys nodded, “I do, I want to play, but…” she paused.

“But sometimes your Mum makes it not fun anymore?” Maya suggested.

“Yeah,” she bit her lip and looked down. 

“My Dad did that too,” she told her truthfully, and it was the first time she’d admitted that, but there was no time to dwell - she could tell Cerys was in a lot of pain, and she’d started shivering too. “Why don’t we go inside and look at that arm where it’s warmer?” She spoke louder when she asked that to get Vic and Hayley’s attention. 

“Everyone’s at the front of the house, you can use the dining room so it’ll be quiet,” Hayley immediately suggested.

“Is that okay, Cerys?” Maya asked, wanting it to be her decision - it was pretty clear she didn’t get to make her own decisions often. There was a nod, and they started to make their way inside, Maya supporting the girl inside.

Vic followed with the bags, but Maya started the assessment. “Hey Cerys, do you mind if my friend Vic puts a sling on your arm to help support it for now?” she asked. “I just need to speak to your friend’s Mum quickly.” 

“Please don’t go,” Cerys quickly looked up from where her eyes had been focussed on the floor, tears glistening. 

“I’ll be just in the hall, you’ll still be able to see me,” Maya promised her. “Is that okay?” 

Cerys did eventually agree, and Vic took over so Maya could speak to Hayley. “Is her arm alright?” Hayley asked as Maya met her.

“It looks like a pretty bad break,” Maya replied solemnly. “How long will her Mum be?” 

“Should be here any minute now,” Hayley replied. “I knew her Mum could be strict but I had no idea…” 

Maya shook her head, “don’t beat yourself up about it. I’m going to suggest we take Cerys out to the aid car before her Mum arrives. I strongly suspect things could get heated quickly, and I don’t want her to deal with that with her friends in earshot.” 

“I agree. I’ll get her coat and bag.” 

“Thank you,” Maya replied and went back in. “Does that feel better with the sling?” Cerys nodded, and Maya crouched back down. “We’re going to take you out to the aid car now.” 

“What about Mum?” Cerys asked.

Maya could see the fear in her eyes and she hated it. She hated how much she knew exactly what the girl was feeling. She wished she could take it away from her. “We’ll have to wait for her out there, but I thought you might prefer it to be a bit more private when she arrives.” 

Cerys nodded again. “Thank you.” 

Standing up, Maya helped her and they walked out, collecting Cerys’ things on the way. They got her into the vehicle and laying on the bed. “How’s your pain feeling?” 

“It’s just kind of throbbing,” Cerys told her. 

“Would you like some more painkillers? We can give you a bit more,” she asked. She could see the hesitation in her eyes. “It’s okay to need it.” 

“Yes please,” she replied weakly, almost as if she was giving in. Maya gave her a supportive squeeze on her shoulder before opening the cabinet to retrieve some more painkillers. 

She called Vic over from outside to check them before putting them through Cerys’ cannula. Seconds after she’d finished flushing the medication, a car pulled up behind them, and she felt Cerys stiffen - it was pretty clear who the car belonged to. “Hey, is it okay if Vic stays here while I talk to your Mum? I’m gonna shut the door for a few minutes while I do.”

“She’ll be so angry,” Cerys replied, practically shaking as she looked out at the car. 

Maya spotted the car door open, “I’m going to do everything I can,” she promised her, thanking Vic and jumping out of the back, shutting the door behind her. “Mrs Taylor?” 

The woman in front of her was tall, her blonde hair pulled back in a tight bun, and she was dressed in black jogging bottoms and a grey t-shirt. “I hope this is good, I had to leave an important meeting at the tennis club for this.” 

Maya wanted to point at the aid car behind her, in case it wasn’t clear from that alone that it was serious. She knew she had to be careful here, as much as she wanted to scream at the woman. Maya had to remind herself she was doing this for Cerys, and this wasn’t her Dad.

Although as much as she told herself this wasn’t her Dad, there was a fear beginning to take a hold on her, which she was having to work hard to keep down. She was also slightly concerned that the woman could recognise her and just complicate this further. 

“Mrs Taylor, my name’s Maya, I’ve been looking after your daughter Cerys,” she started.

“Well what’s she done? It better not be serious, she’s got training later.”

Maya took a deep breath before continuing. “Cerys had a nasty fall. She’s hit her head which we’re not too concerned about having done some checks on scene, but they’ll probably want to scan her. The most concerning injury is the break to her arm - it seems like it may be complex. Cerys is in quite a bit of pain so we’ve had to give her some pain relief and-”

“Do you actually know that? You’re not exactly a doctor, are you? I suggest you let me handle my daughter and not do anything further without my permission.” Mrs Taylor took a step towards her. Maya stayed where she was to stop her getting by. 

“I’m a fully qualified paramedic, Mrs Taylor, I can assure you I know what I’m doing,” she continued to keep her voice steady. 

“And I can assure you that I know what is best for my daughter. She’s the top ranked tennis player in the state for her age and she needs to keep training!” 

Now Maya was beginning to get worked up. She was going to do everything she could for this girl - everything she now wishes she could have done for herself 20 years ago. “What Cerys needs is your love and support! She won’t be able to play for a good while with this injury, and there’s no point in forcing that or you’ll just be damaging any future she has in the sport. This is not her fault - accidents happen. She’s just a kid, and right now she’s hurting.”  

“You do not get to tell me what my daughter can and cannot do! Now let me see her,” she tried to step by, but Maya moved to block her. “You cannot keep me from her!” 

“I’m just trying to explain what’s going to happen now,” Maya told her.

“What’s going to happen now is that you’re going to let me see my daughter and I will take it from here.” 

Clenching her hands at her sides, Maya stood firm. “Your daughter needs to go to hospital, and she has a cannula in her arm. We will take her in. You can come in the aid car, or meet us there, but she will be going to hospital in this vehicle. Once she’s there, they can x-ray her arm and scan her head if required. She may need surgery, or it might just be manageable in a cast, but that will have to be determined.” 

“Who do you think you are?!” 

The shouting made her jump a little - an instinctive reaction. 

You’re doing this for Cerys

“I am doing my job, I am looking out for your daughter. Cerys is scared. She should be scared of the hospital, or the needles we’ve been using, or the pain she’s in, but what she was mostly scared of was you finding out.” 

“As she should be! I was promised that this party would not affect her training, and look what happened!” 

That was it. “She is twelve!” Maya finally raised her voice. “She should be going to parties, spending time with friends, and accidents happen! It’s part of childhood, and you shouldn’t be withholding that from her!” 

“Who are you to be telling me how to raise my daughter?!” 

“Because I was your daughter!” Maya spilled without really thinking. She was just fighting now. “I was that kid scared of my parent finding out I’d injured myself. I was the kid that didn’t get to go to parties, who barely had any friends because of who my Dad was and how he manipulated me. I loved running, I still do, and I’m proud of what I have achieved, but I’m starting to realise that the way my Dad treated me has screwed me up - and you’re doing that to Cerys now! But you have time to change, Mrs Taylor, you can be the bigger person here! Make things right!” 

It was at that moment that Maya saw the woman’s eyes flick to her name tag. The mention of her sport had obviously been the trigger. 

Shit

The moment of realisation flashed across Mrs Taylor’s face, and Maya decided to jump the gun. “You’ve clearly just realised who I am.”

“You got Olympic gold, and you’re telling me your father’s techniques didn’t work?” 

“There are other ways to nurture talent,” Maya responded, calming her voice again. “Maybe they worked, but the extremes have damaged my ability to trust, to form friendships, and to manage my work/life balance. Cerys deserves to have a life that isn’t just sport 24/7. She deserves to be a kid.” 

Maya felt herself holding back emotion. She was realising things as she said them, and this really wasn’t the place to be having such a big life evaluation, but it needed saying - it needed saying for Cerys. 

“My father broke me. Don’t do the same to Cerys.” 

Mrs Taylor had gone silent, and Maya began to hope her words might have got through. 

Their shared silence was broken by the door of the aid car opening, and Vic sticking her head out. “Maya? Are we going?” 

Maya looked back from Vic to Cerys’ mother. “Are you coming with us?” 

Maybe it was the sun, or the chill from the wind, but Maya was fairly sure Mrs Taylor’s eyes were watery. “If Cerys is alright with you, I’ll bring the car to the hospital. But can I see her first?” 

Vic looked to Maya, who nodded. “Of course.” 

Maya stepped out of the way, and Vic opened the door, jumping out. They both watched as Mrs Taylor stepped inside. Cerys looked terrified, at least she did until her Mum took her hand and told her not to worry, and that they’d come up with a plan. 

“What on earth did you say?” Vic asked quietly, looking shocked.

With a small shrug Maya responded, “what she needed to hear.” 

“Are you alright?” 

Not now Vic.

“Fine. We should get going,” Maya responded, quickly stepping out of the conversation and into the vehicle. 

Mrs Taylor went to her own car, and they shut up the back with Vic getting in to drive to the hospital. Maya sat in the seat nearest Cerys’ bed, typing information into the tablet for their notes.

“Maya?” Cerys spoke about 5 minutes into the drive. They’d been quiet so far - Cerys had seemed deep in thought, and Maya was quite frankly putting all her effort into keeping herself together.

Maya looked up, “everything okay?” 

“I don’t know what you said to Mum, but thank you,” she spoke quietly. “I think she might finally get it.” 

Putting the tablet down, Maya leaned forward. “I just told her the truth.” 

“She said you made her realise she needed to talk to me more.” 

Maya smiled slightly, “I’m glad it helped.” 

“I still want to play, I want to be the best if I can, but I don’t want to do it like this,” she told Maya. “Do you have any tips?” 

“I can’t say I’m the right person to give advice there…” Maya sighed a little.

Cerys shook her head, “no I mean, about recovery. I don’t want to lose stamina because I can’t play.” 

Maya thought for a minute. “I’m not a tennis expert, your Mum might have some ideas, or other coaches at your club. I’d say focus on leg exercises - footwork, that sort of thing, but take it easy - your arm will be painful and you won’t have the balance you’re used to. Make sure you get some kind of exercise every day once you’re home, even if it’s just a short walk. But make sure you get advice from physios and coaches.” 

“I will, thank you. Y’know other kids will be so jealous when I tell them I got advice from an Olympic gold medallist,” she smiled, and Maya couldn’t help but smile back. It was nice to see the young girl looking a little more upbeat. 

“Just tell them getting injured isn’t the best way to meet me,” she replied, making the girl chuckle.

They chatted for the rest of the journey, before arriving at Grey-Sloan. Maya took her inside, handing her over to Dr Karev, but hanging around until her Mum had arrived, only then did she go back to the aid car where she found Vic finishing up cleaning. “Thanks for doing that.”

Vic looked up, “no bother. Is she alright?” She jumped down, shutting the rear doors. 

“I think she will be. We’d better get back,” Maya replied and went to walk around.

“Maya,” Vic called after her, so she spun around to see what she wanted.

“Is there a problem?” 

Vic gave her a look of confusion, “no, I just wanted to say you did really well there, it can’t have been easy.” 

Maya quickly found herself sucking back her emotions. She couldn’t break here. “I don’t need your validation, Vic,” she replied before walking off, getting into the passenger seat and slamming the door.

Fuck .

Chapter Text

Carina was exhausted. She’d barely slept since the argument with Maya earlier in the week, and she hadn’t heard from her or Andy in a couple of days. 

Today was her day off, and she’d decided it was time for her to make a move. So she’d spent the morning making lasagne and was now off to visit the station to provide them with food - at least it was a reasonable cover story. 

Balancing the large lasagne in one arm, Carina opened the door and walked in to find Victoria at the desk, spinning in her chair. Amused, Carina cleared her throat, causing her to almost fall off the chair as she manically spun around. “Oh thank goodness it’s you.” 

Carina laughed, “you definitely didn’t want that to be someone looking for help.”

Victoria stood up, “you’re right, but that’s not what I meant. I’m just hopeful you might be able to get through to Maya. She’s been off for days, and worse since we went to that incident with the young girl.” 

She put the lasagne down on the desk, “what do you mean? What incident?” 

“She didn’t tell you?” 

“We’re not exactly on speaking terms right now,” she sighed. “It’s kind of the reason I’m here. Did something happen with this incident? Is Maya okay?” 

She took a while to consider her answer. “Physically, yes. I don’t think I should share too much but… I think the case was a bit close to home. She was amazing on scene, but ever since we got back she’s barely spoken to anyone. Andy and I are concerned she’s going to get herself into trouble. We’ve done our best to cover, but she’s fighting us at every turn.” 

Carina sighed softly, it was worse than she’d thought. “Where is she?” 

“Cleaning the engine,” Vic gestured back towards the barn, “not that it needs cleaning, but the gym was full.”

Cleaning was Maya’s backup distraction activity, so that made sense. Carina grabbed the lasagne dish and handed it to Vic. “Can you take this up?” 

“Oh my pleasure, you’re about to make a room of firefighters very happy,” Vic grinned. “Good luck in there.” 

Carina nodded thanks, and then made her way into the barn. 

It didn’t take long to find Maya standing on the back of the engine with a bottle of polish and a cloth. “You missed a spot,” Carina spoke, hoping a small joke might break any tension.

It didn’t. 

“Why are you here?” Maya asked, not looking away from what she was doing.

“I brought lasagne,” she replied.

Maya continued cleaning as she spoke again. “Sure, but why are you really here?” 

“I think you know, Maya. You’ve not spoken to me in 3 days, you’re ignoring messages, and I know you’re not speaking to Andy either.” 

Throwing the cloth and polish can into the bucket by her, Maya jumped down, grabbing the handle and walking towards the equipment room. Carina followed. “I’d already upset you once,” Maya finally replied when they got into the smaller room. 

“Oh Maya…” she said quietly, shaking her head. “I know you didn’t mean it.”

“Do you? Do you know that? Because I don’t. I don’t know what I’m thinking or feeling or anything and you’d be much better off just leaving me alone, Carina.” Maya practically threw the bucket back onto the shelf it lived on. 

Carina reached forward instinctively to stop it falling back off again and took a step towards her. “I’m not going to leave you alone. I don’t know what’s happened, but I’m here for you, Maya. I’m not going anywhere.” 

There was a definite change in her attitude. In their last conversation, it had all been about her focus and the job. Now… well, now Maya seemed almost afraid of herself. Carina wasn’t sure which was worse, but she did know how to handle the last one. This was new.

“You should. I’ll only hurt you,” she told her, tidying things up with seemingly no reason behind it. “I’m a mess, Carina. I’m broken. I’m no good for you or for anyone.” 

“Maya, look at me,” she tried to step in front of her but Maya dodged it. “Maya.. Maya!” Carina stamped her foot down, finally getting attention from her friend. “Maya you are kind, wonderful, strong, brave, determined, loyal, and you’re my best friend. I don’t know what’s happened, but you are a good person. I want to be here for you. Please let me.” 

They both stood there in silence for a moment, Carina’s eyes pleading with Maya who seemed to be completely torn over what to do. Finally, Maya put down the spare helmet she had picked up and sat down on a bench. Carina tentatively sat down beside her, leaving a small gap to give Maya space, but keeping close enough that Maya could come to her if she wanted.

Maya had her head in her hands, and it was taking everything in Carina not to pull her close. Finally, she decided to break the silence. “Victoria said something happened on a call on your last shift?” There was a sudden shift as Maya looked up at her looking both panicked and a little angry.. “She didn’t give details. I think she assumed I’d know about it, but once I’d said otherwise she didn’t break your trust.” Maya looked back down. “Talk to me, bella , what happened?” 

Continuing to stare at the floor, Maya finally spoke. “Vic and I were on aid car. We got called out to this young girl, she was 12. She’d fallen off a trampoline at a friend’s birthday party,” she started. Her voice was shaky. “On the way I fought with Vic. She was trying to talk to me about… well, you know. I got mad. When we arrived I let her take the lead, I was too wound up.” 

She paused, and Carina wanted to tell her that she’d done the right thing, but she also didn’t want to interrupt, so made the decision to keep quiet as Maya continued.

“When Vic mentioned her Mum she got really agitated, and she kept asking about her arm. It had a nasty break, it was quite clear just from a quick assessment, and when I told her she-” Maya paused, her voice cracking slightly. “She was so scared of her Mum finding out, because she plays tennis. Her Mum is her coach and-” 

Carina was beginning to catch on, but she knew she had to let Maya finish.

Finally, Maya looked up. She had tears in her eyes. “She was me, Carina. She was just like me when I was that age. It reminded me of a time I injured my knee and my Dad was so angry . I remembered that fear and I could see it in her eyes and it’s like I finally saw it from the outside. Looking at her I could see what you all see looking at me, and I had to do something.” 

“Victoria said you did really well,” Carina told her. 

Maya shrugged, looking away again. “I just talked to her. Told her I understood. Then when her Mum arrived I couldn’t just let her carry on. She was angry, just like Cerys had said she would be, and I saw it - just the same as my Dad would be. I had to tell her, I had to stop her from breaking her daughter like my Dad broke me. And I still had to report it and I felt awful and it… it just brought up so much stuff.” 

“Maya…” Carina quickly wiped her own tears away. “You did it, you helped her, right?” There was a small but thankfully noticeable nod. “That’s amazing, you were so strong.” 

Out of nowhere, Maya stood up suddenly. “That’s crap, Carina! So I managed to help one person, that’s my job, I can do my job. It’s the only damn thing I can do because I mess up everything else!” 

“No, bella , no that’s not true,” Carina stood up and took a step towards her.

Maya spun around, just barely missing Carina with her hand as she did. “Stop calling me that!” 

Before Carina could reply, the klaxon sounded, calling for them all. “Maya, you shouldn’t-” 

“Don’t, Carina. I have to go. It’s my job. I can still do that.” 

Maya left. 

“ Stai attente…” she spoke to an empty room.

It takes a while for Carina to leave the equipment room. She had listened to the three vehicles leaving the station, a deep fear settling inside her. She always had fear when Maya was on shift, but in this state…

After letting a few tears fall, and then wiping her cheeks, she made her way out, but almost immediately walked into Victoria. “ Porca troia! [holy shit]” she clutched her chest from the shock. “ Mi dispiace, sorry, for the language - and walking into you.”

“Well I have no idea what you said, so no need to apologise for that - although I might get you to teach me,” she chuckled. “I just came to see if you were alright, I hadn’t seen you leave.” 

“I just needed a minute… Maya told me what happened, with Cerys,” Carina sighed softly. “She’s… I’m worried about her being out there.” 

Victoria smiled sympathetically, “sucks being friends with one of us, huh?” 

“No I mean-” Carina sighed, shaking her head. “I always worry about Maya, of course I do, but normally she’s focussed. She’s amazing at her job. But when she left today she was in such a state and the thought of her going into a fire like that…”

She allowed Victoria to guide her through to the reception area, sitting down while a glass of water was fetched for her. She thanked her, and Victoria sat down in her own chair, facing Carina. “We’re all worried about Maya right now, but Andy is watching out for her. It’s the best we can do.” Carina nodded, sipping her water and wiping her eyes again. 

“Sorry, I should get out of your way.” 

“You don’t have to, it’s boring enough on desk duty, let alone when they’ve all gone out,” Victoria shrugged. “If you need to talk we can do that. You and I are the only ones to know what happened out there.” 

Carina looked up at her, “what about Andy?” 

Victoria sat back, grabbing her own drink from behind her. “She knows some, but I didn’t go into detail. It’s not my story to tell.” She was grateful to Victoria for that. Maya needed to handle this on her own terms. “Cerys reminded her of herself, didn’t she? I could see it. And her Mum was just like Maya’s Dad?” 

“I don’t know how much you know…” Carina stared back down into her glass of water, unsure what she could say.

“Enough. When I first met Maya she didn’t talk about him at all. She talked about the Olympics - a lot - and we’ve all seen the medal in her locker, but she didn’t really talk about him. But one day he turned up at the station and Maya showed him around. Andy told me she’d met him a few times when they were in the academy and she didn’t like him, and it only took a few short seconds for me to agree. The way he was talking to Maya was so manipulative, it made me uncomfortable.” 

Carina could only let out a short scoff in agreement. “He’s a first class stronzo .” 

“I’m sure I agree with you,” Victoria replied. “But she didn’t see that. I dared to question it once and she shot me right down, so we just didn’t bring it up again. I know her and Andy have had fights over him though.” 

“Mmm, we have to,” she sighed and reached over to one side to put her glass down. “But she’s seen it from the outside now and… I don’t know. Whatever I think about Lane, and her relationship with him, she’s suddenly realised that the Dad she loved, the man who has shaped her whole life, isn’t who she thought he was. She’s hurting Victoria, and I hate to see her hurting.” 

“You care about her a lot,” Victoria observed. 

Carina looked up, confused. “Of course I do, she’s my-” 

“Best friend, yeah I know, but is there more to it?” 

She quickly stood up, starting to walk away. “No! No of course not. It’s not like that! We’ve just always been close, that’s all. She was my first friend here, it made it so much easier to settle.” 

Victoria hummed. Carina continued to pace the area. “I don’t know what to do with myself. Can I do something? Help with anything? I hate this waiting.” 

“Now you’re beginning to sound like Maya - you two definitely spend too much time together,” Victoria laughed. “But if you’re desperate, the medical store does need organising.” 

“Show me the way.” 

By the time the team returned, Carina had reorganised the medical store, done a stock count with Vic, and tidied up the desk in reception. When Maya exited the barn in the direction of the showers, Victoria stopped her. “Maya! Thank goodness you’re back, she won’t stop .” She gestured at Carina who was wiping down the surfaces. 

Maya diverted her path and went over to her best friend. “You’re still here? Why?” 

Carina noticed that Vic had stepped away, and everyone else was heading upstairs, essentially leaving them to their own conversation. She started inspecting Maya quickly. “You’re okay?” 

“I’m fine, it was a fairly standard call,” she shrugged. “Why did you stay, Carina? You should head home, you look tired.” 

“I couldn’t, you-” Carina felt herself getting emotional already. “You were so upset Maya, and you went out there in that state and I couldn’t help but think…” 

Maya quickly pulled her into a hug. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for you to worry. I was upset, and I still have a lot to work out, but I think I needed that call. I feel weirdly calmer now.” 

The hug lasted longer than it probably should have, but Carina didn’t want to let go. She did eventually, but didn't step back far. “You're definitely okay?” 

“I still have a lot to think about,” Maya sighed. “I think…” she looked down, “I'm going to cut contact with my parents. My dad especially, but I can't stay in contact with my mom if she supports him.” 

Carina put a hand on her shoulder. “That's a brave step, bella . I know this is still new to you, you don't have to rush into anything.”

“I need to do it, before I chicken out. I need to do it while I still remember Cerys’ face and the anger I felt,” she told her honestly. “I just… can you be there? Not when I tell them, just, after?” Maya continued to look down, and her voice was quiet, almost sheepish. 

“Of course Maya, just tell me when and I’ll be there. I can drive you to theirs if you want - like the getaway driver,” she smiled when Maya laughed a little at her joke. “That’s much better.” 

“You should go, you’ve been here for hours,” Maya told her. “Are you working tomorrow?” 

Carina shook her head, “no, did you want me to come over? Meet for breakfast?” 

“No, I want to do it tomorrow. Speak to them. I need to get it done.” 

She could see Maya was determined, and Carina wasn’t going to try and change her mind. “Of course bella, I’ll be there. Make sure you get some rest tonight if you can, okay?” 

Maya agreed, and they shared a quick hug before Carina left. As soon as she was out of the building she pulled out her phone and dialled. “Hey Arizona, I’m really sorry, I need to cancel our plans for tomorrow…”

When Maya and Andy got home there was a distinct smell, one that had Maya running to the kitchen where she found Carina standing at the stove. “Buongiorno bella ,” she smiled back after Maya had entered. “How was the rest of your shift?” 

“I got some sleep if that’s what you’re asking,” Maya smiled, knowing what her friend really wanted to know. “What are you doing here?” 

“Well I thought you might want a good breakfast before today’s plans,” Carina shrugged.

Maya snuck a look behind her, seeing the French toast in the pan, “and you thought right. I’ll just go shower and be right out.” She practically skipped towards the bathroom. 

It didn’t take long for her to be back out, freshly showered and changed into jeans and a loose white tee. She stood beside the stove. “You’re the best.” 

“And you,” Carina bumped her hip against Maya’s, “are surprisingly chirpy this morning.” 

“Terrifying, isn’t it?” Andy perked up where she was sitting at the dining table. “Been like it since she woke up.” 

Maya rolled her eyes, “I’m just trying to keep my energy up. If I let it slip I might not… well, you know.” 

Carina nodded, quickly brushing a hand down Maya’s arm. “So you two are okay now?” she asked while getting plates from the cupboard. 

“All good, we talked it over and Maya apologised,” Andy replied, sipping her coffee that Carina had provided. “This is amazing, by the way,” she already had her food in front of her, having showered at the station before they got back. 

Maya grabbed the coffee that had been left for her, “it always is. Best breakfast ever.”

“Yours is nearly ready,” Carina told her. “Go sit.” 

Doing as asked, Maya went and sat down opposite Andy, and soon enough she had her favourite breakfast in front of her, and her two favourite people with her. She felt strong enough to do this today, but it had to be soon because keeping this energy up for so long was going to be difficult. 

As soon as they’d finished eating, Maya cleared up the plates. “Can we go?” she asked anxiously as Carina came back from the bathroom. 

“It’s only 9, Maya, are you sure?” Carina asked.

Maya nodded, “they’re always up early. I need to go before I chicken out. I’ve got it all worked out in my head, what to say, I need to get it out.” She was pacing the floor now, all the anxious energy built up inside her. “If you don’t want to come it’s fine-” 

Carina shook her head, “ stupida, of course I’m coming with you. Come on, let’s get this done and we can spend the rest of the day doing whatever you need.” 

“Thank you,” Maya nodded. Carina quickly slipped her shoes on and followed her to the door as Andy called out her support and promised she was around if they needed her. 

And then it was time.

The whole drive over Maya’s leg was shaking. She was quiet, but internally going over her speech in her head. Carina, as always, knew that Maya needed the space to think and didn’t speak as she drove, except to ask directions. 

Eventually they pulled up outside and Carina turned the engine off. “How are you feeling?” 

Maya looked out at her parents’ house, somewhere she used to love, somewhere that now made her feel sick. She was still getting used to the sudden change of emotions. “I’ve no idea… but I’m ready.” 

“I’m going nowhere, so the second you’re ready to go, we’re out of here.” Carina reassured her. “You can do this.” 

Taking a deep breath, Maya stepped out of the car. It was now or never. She walked up to the front door and knocked firmly, doing her best to push down any possible sign of nerves that she could be showing as the door opened to reveal her mother. “Maya! What a nice surprise, come on in darling. You’re very early, just finished work?”

She took one last glance back at the safety of the car where Carina was waiting, before following her inside. 

“Would you like a drink, love?” 

The last thing she needed was this to be prolonged any longer than required. “No, I’m good. Is Dad around?” 

As if on cue, there were footsteps on the stairs and Lane entered the living room. “Finally decided to grace us with your presence I see,” he tutted.

She wouldn’t rise to the bait. 

“I have something to say, and it won’t take long,” she told them. 

“Well did you want to sit down, dear?” Katherine asked.

Maya shook her head and put her focus solely on Lane. “I’m just here to say this is the last you will see of me. I’m done. I won’t have you controlling my life anymore. I’ve spent years living under your thumb. You’ve fucked up so much of my life, and I’m damn lucky to have friends who can look past all the shit I throw at them, but I’m not taking it anymore. I will live my life my way, and you won’t have any part of it. If you try and make contact I will look into a restraining order.” 

“Now you listen here Maya-” 

“No!” she interrupted him. “No. You don’t get to talk,” she held a hand up to him, and then looked to her Mom. “He’s manipulated us all, Mom, and if you want out I will be your out, but while you stay with him, I can’t see you either, I’m sorry.” 

“Maya…” 

She held both her hands up now. “I’m going to leave, and you’re going to let me.” 

Maya turned around, but no sooner had she done so there was a hand grasping her shoulder, and she quickly pulled her arm out of it. “Don’t you DARE touch me,” she spun back and saw her Dad standing there. That face she’d always been so afraid of - the look of disappointment. For the briefest of seconds she almost caved, but she was stronger than that now. “You’ve pushed both your children away now. I hope you’re happy.” 

Just as she opened the front door, Lane shouted after her. “Well it turns out you’re both useless, doesn’t it!” 

She ignored him, slamming the door shut, and practically running back to the car.

The car door opening seemed to startle Carina, who looked up. “That was fast, are you-” 

“Just drive, please, I need to be away from here,” Maya told her. The anxiety was raging inside her now. The looks on both her parents’ faces flashing before her. She wrung her hands together in her lap, trying to block them out, shaking her head as if it would get rid of them. 

True to her word, Carina did drive, but not far. Just enough so that they were a safe distance from the house, before pulling over. “Maya, Maya look at me,” she’d turned in the driver’s seat to face her. 

Slowly, Maya managed to look up. She was shaking, her whole body, she couldn’t stop it. “He was so- I couldn’t- I did it but-” 

Carina slowly reached out and took her hands, clearly making sure Maya was okay as she did. “You did it, bella , you did it and you’re okay. You’re safe. I’m right here, and I’ll be here as long as you need me. What do you need right now?” 

“I don’t- I don’t know-” 

Maya felt Carina’s thumbs slowly rubbing the back of her hands. It was grounding. “Why don’t we go back to yours? You look like you could do with some rest.”

“Please don’t leave-” 

“I’m going nowhere. Here,” she reached into the back of her car and pulled out a water bottle from seemingly nowhere, “drink, it’ll help. I’ll drive us back.” 

“Thank you…” 

“ Sempre .” 

The apartment was empty when they returned. Andy had texted Carina to say she was going out, but would be back later - or sooner if required. Carina replied to say it was all in hand.

Maya was a shell. She was exhausted from the confrontation, which wasn’t too surprising, although the level of exhaustion was more than Carina had expected. She slipped a hand around her waist, helping her up to the apartment (and pretending not to be annoyed when she refused to take the elevator). When they made it inside, Maya didn’t fight against going to the bedroom, and Carina even helped her change into a loose tee and grey joggers before she lay down. “Rest now, bella . I’ll go and get you some water.” 

But Maya didn’t let go of her. “ Non andare , [don’t leave]” she mumbled, clinging onto Carina’s arm weakly.

Carina smiled at the sleepy Italian and crouched down by the edge of the bed, gently brushing a stray piece of blonde hair out of her friend’s face with her free hand. “I’m just going to the kitchen, then I’ll be straight back, promessa .” 

There was a small hum of agreement and Maya did let go of her arm to allow Carina to go and get them glasses of water. 

As promised, she didn’t take long. She handed Maya hers and was pleased when she took a couple of sips before putting it down on the table beside the bed and lying back down. Carina drank a little of her own before joining her on the bed, the two of them facing each other. “Sleep, Maya. You need to rest.” Maya shuffled closer, and Carina instinctively put her arms around her. “You’re safe here, you’re free now.” 

Slowly she heard Maya’s breathing settle as she drifted off. Carina didn’t move, she just held her, keeping her promise for as long as she needed to.

Chapter Text

It had been a few weeks since the confrontation with her father. The weather was getting warmer, in fact this particular day was unseasonably warm for April in Seattle, reaching almost 70F. 

Maya was in a good mood. In fact she’d been in an increasingly good mood over the last few weeks. Letting go of her ties to her father turned out to be more freeing than Maya could have expected, and any anxiety over him trying to get her back was disappearing as time went on. It seemed he might have actually got the message. 

She smiled to herself, stirring the chilli on the stove. “You cooking again Bishop? I thought it was Jack’s turn,” Dean commented as he entered the beanery with Vic and Andy. “And chilli? Trying to steal my moves?” 

“Ah let her off, she’s the new improved Maya Bishop,” Vic laughed. “I’m loving it.” 

Andy rolled her eyes, “good for you. I’m getting woken up at 6am every day.” 

“Hey, you admitted you liked the early morning run yesterday,” Maya pointed the wooden spoon in Andy’s direction. “Now get your ass over here, I need a hand.” 

While the others grabbed drinks and went to sit down, Andy joined Maya at the counter. “You don’t need a hand with this, so what do you want?” 

“Switch with me? I’m so bored,” Maya huffed. “All I’ve done today is pick up two old ladies off the floor. Don’t get me wrong, they were lovely, but I miss the action.” 

“Maya we literally just got back from rescuing a cat from a tree,” Andy pointed out.

Maya shrugged, “still more exciting. Please ?” 

“No chance,” Andy grinned, “cut your losses, Bishop and wait on the rest of us.” 

“ Stronza ,” she huffed, causing a laugh from her friend. 

Andy stood up from where she was leaning against the counter and moved a little close to Maya, dropping her voice. “Speaking of Italian, any more thoughts about Carina?” 

She almost dropped her spoon. “What are you on about?”

“Oh please, you know what I’m talking about. You were having all these revelations, it was only your Dad that stopped that, so have you thought about it?” 

Maya sighed, looking down into the chilli. It had been on her mind, she’d thought about it a lot, especially given how much Carina had been around in the weeks since that fateful day. “Yes, and while my Dad’s intentions were wrong, I’m still not going any further with it. It was fuelled by a lot of emotions, and right now I need to focus on working out who I am without him, not anything else.” 

Thankfully, Andy nodded. “That makes sense. Fair enough,” she patted Maya’s arm. “Is that about ready? I’ll go round everyone up.” 

She left and Maya put the final touches to the food before starting to plate up. Once it was all in order, she jogged downstairs. “Hey Warren, go eat. I’ll cover the desk for a few,” she told him.

“Are you sure? You made it after all,” Ben questioned.

Maya nodded, “yeah go for it, just make sure they leave me some.” 

In truth she wasn’t in the mood for all the team chatter right now. While she was in a good place, and much happier, sometimes Maya still needed time for herself - and now was one of those.

After Ben had gone, she sat down in the desk chair, her mind wandering a little onto what Andy had said, at least until she was interrupted by Sullivan’s office door opening. “Bishop? Pretty sure I didn’t assign you to desk duty today.” 

“Warren’s just grabbing lunch, Captain. I offered to cover,” she greeted him. Robert Sullivan was alright. He was no Captain Herrera, but he wasn’t so bad. He had fought for her to stay at 19 after she got the Lieutenant job, saving her from a transfer - she had to be grateful for that. “There’s plenty of food if you’d like some.” 

“Thank you Bishop, make sure you eat too,” he told her, making his way upstairs.

She spun herself around in the chair, fairly quickly regretting her offer to stand in for Ben. She puffed her cheeks and blew air out impatiently. 

The sound of the door opening was a welcome piece of excitement. At least it was for the brief few seconds until she spun the chair around and realised who had just walked in. “Get out. You are not welcome here.” 

“I have just as much right to be here as anyone else,” Lane replied.

Maya took a deep breath, “do you have anything the fire service can assist you with, sir?”

“Oh come on, Maya. How long are you going to keep this charade going? It’s been weeks now.” 

She scoffed, standing up. “Charade? I meant everything I said, including about you making contact so you can consider that restraining order coming. Now please, leave.”

He moved, but not towards the door. Maya took a step back as he took a step forward. “Come on kiddo, this is ridiculous. You know I’ve always done what’s best for you.” 

Maya felt her hands clench by her sides. The anger was building, but she couldn’t let him win. “No, Lane, you’ve always done what was best for you. What you did was ruin my life to try and make up for what a failure your own was.”

“Don’t you dare talk to me like that Maya!” Lane slammed his fist down on the desk, making her jump slightly. “You would be nothing without all the work I put in, nothing . If you throw this away you’re throwing your future away!” 

She stepped back again, but Lane had come around the desk now. Maya internally cursed herself for backing into the desk area and not out of it. He essentially had her cornered. “I’m doing the best thing for my future. I have a family here, I have friends-” 

“Your friends have ruined you Maya, they’ve ruined everything! You will never make Captain now, not with all this distraction!” 

Another step back and she made contact with the desk, almost tripping. Lane grabbed a mug from the side and threw it just to the side of her, smashing it against the wall. She was shaking now, but Maya knew she had to try and keep composed, try and talk him down. “What are you trying to achieve here? You think that shouting at me and throwing things will make me suddenly want to come home? I’ve seen who you are now, and you can’t change that. I’ve upset so many people defending you in the past, and I will not do it again. I will not lose the friends who actually care about me for your bullshit. We’re done, Lane. You have never been my father, not really. Just leave. Leave and don’t come back here.” 

“I put EVERYTHING into you! Years of work, years of dedication, and this is how you repay me?! Without me you are nothing, and you will realise that soon enough!” 

As he shouted, another item was thrown. Maya didn’t even see what, and she only just got out of the way, but within seconds he was holding her arm. “Let go!” 

She saw movement behind him. The noise had clearly reached upstairs, and a few of the team were heading down. 

Shit. 

“Let go of me!” she screamed again and managed to fight out of his grasp. 

Lane lunged back at her, but was grabbed by Jack and Dean behind him. “What is going on?!” he shouted, fighting their hold.

“They’re chucking you out, Lane. You are not welcome here. You’re lucky I’m not pressing charges.” 

“Lieutenant Bishop is correct, sir. You are no longer allowed to enter this station,” Sullivan spoke from where he was standing at the bottom of the stairs.

Lane glared back, but in the end didn’t fight being evicted from the building. 

As soon as he was gone, Andy rushed over. “Maya, are you alright? Did he hurt you?” 

Maya looked up at the team all looking at her sympathetically. She hated it. This was exactly what she didn’t want. “I’m fine. Show’s over,” she told them, walking out of the area. She needed space.

“Maya!” Andy rushed after her.

She spun around in the middle of the barn. “Andy please, not now.” 

“Maya come on, just talk to m-”

“ Aid car 19. Female collapsed at The Outlook Collection mall.” 

“I can go if you-” 

Maya held a hand up, “I’m fine. Let me work. Miller, let’s go!” 

“Tell me why I agreed to this?” Andrea groaned as they got out of the car. 

Carina laughed, “because you love me, and you wanted to get to know Arizona better outside work.” 

Her brother huffed, “but shopping? Of all things?” 

“Yes, because Arizona needs to buy a present for Sofia’s birthday, and I need a new outfit for the presentation I’m doing on my research next week, so shopping it is,” 

“Ah yes, the daughter. Is that not a bit odd for you?” Andrea asked. 

Carina shrugged, “I dunno, I’ve not met her yet. She lives in New York with her other Mum and Arizona’s only been that way. She mostly lives with Callie anyway so I guess it’s not a big deal at the moment.” 

Her brother nodded and they walked over to meet Arizona at their agreed point. Carina kissed her briefly. “ Ciao bella ,” she smiled. “You look gorgeous.” 

Arizona blushed, “thank you, as do you.” 

“What about me?” Andrea asked with mock upset.

“ Non hai spazzolato i capelli [you didn’t brush your hair]” she replied quickly, pushing his chest jokingly. “ Allora, andiamo, we have work to do.” 

Arizona raised an eyebrow, “is shopping work?” 

“It is to an Italian woman shopping for clothes,” Andrea told her. “You might regret agreeing to this.” 

“Oh I don’t know, I get to see my gorgeous girlfriend trying on multiple outfits, that sounds like a perfect trip out.”

While Arizona was smiling and enjoying looking at Carina, Andrea grimaced. “You’re both sickening. Let’s get this over with so we can get to lunch sooner rather than later.” 

Both women laughed, and they made their way inside. 

It only took 5 stores, and coffee bribery for Andrea, for Carina to find the perfect suit for her presentation. Arizona had also managed to pick up a couple of gifts for Sofia, so the shopping trip was a success. After they’d dropped everything back at the car, the group returned and chose a Japanese restaurant for lunch. Carina was pleased that her girlfriend and brother were getting on well even outside of work, although she was less pleased about the childhood stories that Andrea insisted on telling. 

Lunch was good, but Carina was starting to feel off. Arizona and Andrea were deep in conversation and she didn’t want to disturb them. Instead she kept sipping at her water, hoping it would pass. It didn’t and the room felt like it was getting warmer too, so she slipped her light jacket off. 

Her water had run out. “ Andrea, più acqua per favore? ” 

Andrea raised an eyebrow, “Stai bene, sorella? ” Carina was confused, she’d only asked for more water. Her confusion was obviously clear. “ Stai parlando italiano? [You’re speaking Italian] ”

Ah, that makes sense. She only usually spoke Italian to Andrea in front of others if she was insulting him or shouting at him, not asking for water. Except English didn’t want to come out of her mouth. “ Ho bisogno… [I need] ” she stood up, not really sure why she was doing so. 

“Carina?” Arizona grabbed her hand, but she pulled it away. She wasn’t sure why she did that either. Andrea also stood up. 

“ Aria… ”

“Air? You need air?” Carina nodded and pushed by him, but she didn’t get too far before the dizziness overcame her.

The mall security met them at the entrance, taking them through to the restaurant. “She collapsed in the restaurant. There are two doctors with her but they said they’re worried about a potential back injury.”

“Thank you, you’ve been very helpful,” Dean told the guy as they entered the restaurant.

Maya immediately spotted Arizona standing up on the phone, and her eyes quickly glanced down to Andrew, and then… “Carina?!” she rushed over, kneeling down. “What happened? You collapsed?” 

“I’m fine, they’re overreacting,” Carina mumbled, clearly frustrated. 

Andrew immediately rolled his eyes. “She fell badly, hit her head on the way down and has lower back pain. Plus her right wrist looks quite angry - potential break.” Despite his outward demeanor, she could see Andrew was worried about her. 

“What caused the fall?” Dean asked, joining Maya and putting a blood pressure cuff on Carina. 

“I just got really warm, I needed some air but didn’t quite make it in time, it’s just a vasovagal,” Carina told them.

Arizona scoffed behind Maya, now off the phone. “You don’t agree?” Maya questioned.

“She’s been having dizzy spells for a while now. I tried to get her to get it checked but she kept playing it off.” 

“You-” Maya turned herself back to face Carina. “Why didn’t I know about this?!” 

“I wasn’t exactly boasting about it, and it’s nothing! Just overworking and dehydration,” she tutted.

Maya shook her head, and grabbed the thermometer to check her temperature. “Well whatever’s going on, you have a fever now. We’ll get you boarded and on the gurney for safety until you can be scanned.” 

She was trying to be professional, and it seemed to be fooling everyone else, but Maya was shaking. However hard she was trying to hide it, Carina was in pain, and something was wrong. She chided herself for not noticing something was wrong before, and she wanted to scream at Arizona and Andrew for not telling her, even though they didn’t have to. 

Once they’d done their full checks, Andrew and Arizona helped get Carina on the gurney before they headed out to the aid car, Arizona holding her hand the whole way.

It should be me doing that.

Maya pushed the thought away. “Are you coming with us?” she asked instead.

“Um, I-” 

“Take your car, I’ll be fine with Maya,” Carina told her. “You’ll need to get home. You too, fratellino .” 

Once travel arrangements were agreed, Maya chucked the aid car keys to Miller and got in the back with Carina, checking all her vitals again, much to Carina’s dismay. She kept insisting she was fine, but Maya knew that wasn’t true. Her heart rate was raised, and her temperature was still high despite paracetamol. Plus there was the fact that this had happened before, and the fact nobody had told her.

Which she was mad about. She needed to question why Arizona or Andrew hadn’t brought it up.

But that was a problem for later. 

“ Bella stop frowning,” Carina reached out and took her hand, which Maya promptly took back to continue notes on her tablet. She heard the sigh while she continued to focus on the numbers in front of her. “Ma-ya.” 

“That voice isn’t going to work, Carina,” she told her. 

“I can see the worry in your eyes. I’m going to be fine.” 

Maya shook her head. “Stop saying that! You didn’t tell me you’ve been getting dizzy, you’ve been ignoring it!” 

She hated the tears forming and kept her head firmly down. 

“I’m sorry, I really didn’t think it was anything important,” Carina told her. “Maya, please look at me. There’s something else going on - I can tell.” 

“S’not important,” Maya replied, continuing to type. 

“Maya stop doing that, look at me. I might not be 100% but I’m still your best friend and I could do with some distraction.” 

She considered telling her - she really did, but the thought of her Dad confronting her like that in her safe place. Shouting those things where her colleagues… her family… where they could hear. The shame came back, rushing through her. 

And then there was the fact her best friend was lying injured and unwell. The last thing she needed was to handle Maya’s mess. 

She sighed, shaking her head. “It really doesn’t matter. You’re more important right now, just focus on getting better, yeah?” 

Carina agreed, and Maya was grateful she hadn’t pushed any further. 

For now, anyway.

Thankfully, Dean had offered to handle the rest of the admin, allowing Maya to stay with Carina. She was currently standing in the corner of the room, while Arizona sat one side of her holding her good hand, and Andrea was looking at her scans with Amelia. 

“Well, good news, we can clear your spine and head CT,” Amelia said as she turned around and took her neck brace off. Carina sighed with relief, especially when they sat the bed up. “Your wrist has a small radial fracture. Ortho will be down soon but it doesn’t look too bad.” 

“Bad enough, wrists are pretty useful for an OB,” Carina mumbled with annoyance. 

“I’m sure you’ll survive a few weeks non-clinical,” Amelia shrugged. “Besides, if you’ve been getting regular dizzy spells, we need to consider investigating that.” 

Carina rolled her eyes again, and Maya resisted the urge to speak up. “You just said my head CT was clear.” 

“And you know full well there are plenty of other causes for dizziness. I have other neuro exams, and I’ll speak to Teddy about getting a cardiac workup,” Amelia told her. 

“This is ridiculous.” 

“Carina, babe, you need to get this checked. Take the chance while you’re going to be out of action,” Arizona spoke softly. Maya watched on, glad she was telling Carina what Maya was thinking, but also wishing she was in her place. 

No. Not again.

Before Carina could reply, Amelia spoke again. “Ah, your bloods are back… your infection markers are raised, which fits with the temperature. Are you sure there’s nothing else that’s been bothering you? We need to find the source.” 

Maya watched on. She could tell Carina was hiding something, but clearly giving in now - like a child being caught out by their mother. “I… might have had some back pain in the area of my kidneys.” 

“Kidney- Carina why didn’t you say anything?!” Andrew stepped forward towards his sister. “You must have been in so much pain.” 

“It’s nothing. And it’s probably why I fainted, alright?! So no stupid tests necessary. Just get me some antibiotics and I’ll be back to normal.” 

Amelia shook her head. “I know we always say doctors make the worst patients, but ignoring a potential kidney infection?” 

Carina sighed, “can you all berate me later? I’m tired.” 

They agreed, although it was clear nobody in the room was going to let her off this one lightly. But now wasn’t the time. 

Amelia disappeared to sort further tests and treatment, and Andrew followed. Arizona stayed seated beside her, stroking Carina’s hair back. “You’ll be fine, love, just rest. Let me look after you for a while. I’m not going anywhere.”

Maya pushed herself up from the wall she was leaning on. She couldn’t be here anymore, however much she wanted to be near Carina. “I need to get back to work.” 

Carina and Arizona looked over at her suddenly. “Maya, I’m sorry-” 

“Not now. Just let them look after you, get the treatment you need. I’ll see you tomorrow,” she replied, leaving the room.

Her feelings were all over the place, but mostly she felt anger. She was angry at Carina for lying and ignoring her pain. She was angry at herself for being angry at Carina when she was ill. She was angry at her Dad for turning up and ruining her safe place, and she was angry at herself for showing weakness. 

When she got outside, Maya kicked at the wall, ignoring the pain coursing through her weak ankle as she did. She hated it, hated herself. She’d been weak. She’d allowed herself to be happy and in seconds it was gone. Because of him.

And she’d let it.

Chapter Text

Knocking on Carina’s door, Maya ignored the tiredness that threatened to overwhelm her. She didn’t know the last time she’d slept properly, but that didn’t matter. She’d just finished a busy 24-hour shift, which was far better than lying awake on her bunk all night, and was now ready to take over from Arizona. 

Carina was recovering well, but she still had a cast on her arm and between Arizona, Andrew, and Maya, they’d vowed not to leave her alone until she was cleared for work. She didn’t appear to be having any more dizzy spells, but that didn’t stop them being cautious - much to Carina’s dislike.

Arizona opened the door and let her in. “She’s still asleep, I left her. I’m so sorry I need to run to work, I hope your shift was okay.” 

“Uh, yeah, fine,” Maya replied as she watched Arizona whip around grabbing her things. “Have a good shift,” she managed to get out just before she left.

It wasn’t that Maya didn’t like Arizona. She was a good person, and she’d been amazing for Carina these last few weeks, but there was just something… 

“You look like shit,” came a voice from the lounge doorway.  

Carina was awake then. “And you look like you just had a fight with a hedge.” 

That wasn’t actually true. Carina always woke up looking annoyingly gorgeous. 

“I just woke up. Arizona left for work?” she asked, walking into the kitchen. Maya followed. “Seriously Maya, you look awful. Are you okay?” 

“I was until you started insulting me,” Maya rolled her eyes. “Sit, I can make coffee.” 

“No you can’t. I can make it better with one hand than you can with two. You sit - I’m pretty sure of the two of us, you’re more likely to collapse right now,” Carina insisted. 

But Maya didn’t, going through the motions to start the coffee until Carina literally pulled her away. She gave in, letting her make it, but staying standing almost as a sign of defiance, and to be of help. 

There was silence between them through the whole process, and it was only when Carina handed her the mug of coffee that she broke the silence. “Alright I’m done with this-” 

“No, Carina, we’ve told you. Until you’re cleared-” 

Carina interrupted her back. “I’m not talking about the babysitting, as ridicolo as it is,” she tutted. “I’m talking about you. You were fine the morning before I got injured, but you’ve been off since then. And don’t blame what happened to me, because it’s not that. Something else happened. And I’ve resisted texting Andy for now because I was waiting for you to tell me, but I’m worried about you, Maya.” 

Maya rolled her eyes, “you’re seeing things, Carina. I had a busy shift, and I’ve been worried about my best friend. I think I’m allowed to be a little off.” She walked towards the lounge, knowing Carina would follow so they could sit down. While she’d never admit it, Maya knew she couldn’t stand up much longer. They sat down on the sofa. 

“ Va bene ,” Carina agreed, although Maya knew that conversation wasn’t truly over. “Can we just be us today?”

“Well I’m not planning on being anyone else,” Maya grumbled in reply, confused by the question.

Carina shifted to sit closer. “I mean, just be us. Be best friends hanging out, or whatever. I’m fed up with feeling like an invalid and I miss you. I know you’ve been physically here but-” 

“It’s not the same, I get it. I’ve been protective, maybe too much at times, but you didn’t tell me about the dizziness and I’ve just been on high alert.” 

It wasn’t the whole story, but it would hopefully be enough for now. And Carina missed her, and she needed them to be themselves for a day. Maya could do that - she could do that for Carina. She needed to.

Finishing her espresso, Carina put the cup down and then stood up, holding out her good arm. “Venire a letto. Sei stanca. [Come to bed. You’re tired.]” 

Maya shook her head. “ Sto bene .” 

“Maya,” Carina gave her a knowing look. “ Per favore? I miss our sleepovers. We can put a film on?” 

She looked down at her hands in her lap, sighing and deciding to give Carina an inch of the truth. “Ma ora condividi il letto con l'Arizona, [but now you share the bed with Arizona].” She didn’t know what made her stick in Italian for that, maybe it was because it was something she had that Arizona didn’t.

Immediately, Carina sat back down, taking Maya’s hand in hers. “Maya, sei il mia amica intima [you’re my best friend*], just because I have a girlfriend doesn’t mean I don’t want to do all the things we’ve been doing. Is this what’s been bothering you? I thought you liked Arizona.” 

“I do!” Maya quickly looked up. “I do, I promise. She’s perfect for you, and we get on great. I just don’t want to get in the way.” 

She probably said that too quickly.

“ Mai [never]. I promise, you never do. Arizona understands we are close. Now come, you need sleep.” 

She gave in, because she was exhausted, and Maya knew she always slept well with Carina around. They went upstairs, and Carina gave her some shorts and an oversized top to change into - it was technically Carina’s, but Maya wore it regularly when she stayed over. 

Once changed, she climbed into bed, and Carina encouraged her to lie close. She was too tired to argue, and to be honest once she was laying there she didn’t want to anymore. “ Dormire, bella . [Sleep]” 

And for the first time in weeks, she did.

{*Translation note: this translation of best friend in Italian refers to a friend you trust with your whole heart.}

As Carina got better, Maya, Arizona, and her stupid little brother finally backed off a little. In fact today was the first time since the accident 5 weeks ago that she was finally being left without a babysitter.

She’d seen Arizona off to work after she’d stayed over, and then made herself a second round of coffee before settling down on the sofa with her laptop. While she still hadn’t been cleared for her return to clinical work, and wouldn’t be until her cast was off, she was back putting the final touches to her research project. It was coming together nicely, and while the one hand situation somewhat hampered her typing, Carina was pleased with how close she was to being able to send it off for review.

The sound of her phone vibrating on the sofa beside her made Carina jump a little, having gotten deeply invested in what she was writing. She picked up the device, surprised to see Andy’s name on the notification. They hadn’t had too much communication of late. 

Andy: Has Maya spoken to you in the last couple of days? 

Carina immediately felt a pang of worry in her chest. She’d been trying to ignore it, but ever since Maya had spent the day sleeping in her bed, Carina had barely seen her. The one shift she had put in ‘looking after her’, Maya had spent the whole time on her laptop reading manuals, and very much not communicating despite Carina’s best efforts. Since that day, she hadn’t even had a text from her best friend. 

Carina: No, she’s not talking much. I thought I’d broken through a few days ago, but it’s only got worse since. 

Carina: Has something happened today?

She watched anxiously, waiting for a reply that never came. Presumably they’d been called out, which only exacerbated her concerns. 

Suddenly all motivation for her work was gone, and Carina shut the laptop lid to try and distract herself elsewhere, except a broken wrist really hampered a lot of things she wanted to do. She found herself pacing the house, lost for ideas and unable to focus on anything other than Maya putting herself in danger in the state she was seemingly in. 

Carina tried to think back for any clues on what had happened. Cutting off her Dad had put Maya in such a good place, and yet that seemed to suddenly be torn away again on the day of her incident. Maya had hinted her concerns about losing Carina to Arizona, but she thought those were settled. 

For the last few weeks, Carina had assumed Maya’s behaviour to be linked to her collapse. Maya was so fiercely loving and loyal, despite what it maybe appeared to people outside her inner circle, and Carina knew that when her best friend worried, she worried hard. Except now she was beginning to wonder if this wasn’t entirely linked to the accident. Maybe something else had happened that day, before she’d come out.

She tried to remember what Maya had been like in the restaurant, but that day was mostly very hazy, and all Carina could remember was the concern in her best friend’s eyes, and the fuss that Arizona and Andrea insisted on making. 

Something wasn’t adding up. Something was missing, and Carina hated that Maya wasn’t talking about it, and that she couldn’t work it out. She hated even more that she had no idea what state she was in right now, and where 19 had been sent. 

Suddenly she made a decision, and Carina grabbed her phone, dialling Andrea. 

“Missing me already?” he answered cheerily. 

Rolling her eyes, she decided to ignore that. “I need a lift, Andrea, per favore .” 

“What’s in it for me?” Andrea replied, although Carina could hear him standing up and grabbing his keys. “This is my first day off without having to look after you in over a month, after all.” 

“We can get coffee on the way if you wish, but I need to get to the station,” she told him.

“Nineteen?” he asked, as if there was any other station she would be going to, “is Maya alright?” 

Carina sighed, “I don’t know. Something’s wrong, and I’m going to find out. She won’t come to me, so I’m going to her.” 

“Alright, I’m on my way, and you don’t need to buy me coffee. This time.” 

They did stop at a bakery on route, but mostly because Carina didn’t want to turn up with nothing. She needed a cover story for being there, after all. Andrea swindled two cannoli out of her, and then dropped her off before leaving - telling Carina to call when she needed a lift back.

The barn was clearly empty when she arrived, so she knew the crew would mostly be out, aside from whoever was on desk duty. She looked inside, seeing Jack sitting there - to her surprise. Unable to open the door while carrying the cannoli box, she got his attention and he came over to help her inside. “What did you do?” 

“Good morning to you too, Dr DeLuca,” Jack replied, shutting the door behind her. “Who said I did anything?” 

“You’re a lieutenant stuck on desk duty - you did something,” Carina pointed out, putting the box down on the front desk. 

Jack shrugged, “Sullivan’s being… well, Sullivan.” 

Carina narrowed her eyes at him - there was definitely more to that story. “Hm, I’ll get it out of someone else.” 

“Good luck, they’re all out,” he gestured towards the empty barn. 

“I know, I’m staying,” she told him. “I’m sick of my place and I’m not allowed to go to the hospital, so I came for company. Although now I know who the company is…” She jokingly turned as if to leave, earning a disgruntled ‘oi!’ from Jack.

As with most members of Station 19, Carina felt fondly towards the man. Jack had his moments, but his playful, almost sibling-like relationship with Maya had rubbed off onto her. She grinned as she turned back, going to instead sit down in the spare chair by the desk. 

Jack also sat back down. “So does Maya know you’re visiting today?” That bought a sigh from her. “Owch, she’s being weird with you too?” he swung himself side to side on the chair, 

“I’m worried about her,” she admitted.

“We all are,” Jack replied, picking up a pen off the desk and flicking it between his fingers. “She’s barely spoken to any of us in weeks. I’ve never seen Maya like this, even Andy barely gets a word from her.”

She hated hearing that. “Since the day of my accident, vero ? [right?]” 

 “Well I’ve no idea what that last word means, but yes. Except now you’re recovering she’s not got anything to focus on to distract herself from what happened with her Dad.” 

Now she was confused. “What do you mean what happened with her Dad?” 

“When he showed up at the station that morning and … you didn’t know that …” Jack realised half way through the sentence. 

“No, but you’re going to tell me what happened,” Carina pointed at him as he spoke.

Jack had stopped playing with the pen, not clicking the top nervously. “I don’t know if I-” 

“Jack Gibson you will tell me everything you know right now or so help me!” 

He quickly held his hands up, “okay! Okay. But if Maya asks I did this under duress.” 

Only once Carina had agreed to take the flack from Maya (it did entertain her how terrified Jack was of her), did Jack explain. And the more he spoke, the more it became clear why Maya was acting the way she was.

Carina was getting increasingly angry, and the moment Jack mentioned Lane laying his hands on Maya, she had to stand and pace the room, shaking her head. “ Odio quell’uomo! Come osa toccarla! [I hate that man! How dare he touch her!] ” 

“I don’t know what you just said, but I probably agree,” Jack commented. “She really stood up to him though, it was impressive.” 

She paced a little more before stopping and looking at Jack, her thoughts still processing. Maya had stood up to her Dad, but her Dad had gotten violent. “What happened after he left?” 

“Andy said she’d tried to talk to her, but Maya walked away. Then the call came out for you, and since then all she’s talked about is your recovery or work, but most shifts we don’t get much at all,” Jack explained. “We’ve been doing our best to protect her from Sullivan, but he’s noticing.” 

Carina ran her good hand through her hair. She hated that Maya had been suffering through all this in private, probably not helped by her collapse overshadowing everything for a while. Maya had clearly thrown herself into looking after her to avoid her own problems, except now she wasn’t as needed; she was running out of ways to avoid it. 

Before Carina could think of anything else to say, the sound of the vehicles returning to the barn took over and her attention was drawn away from Jack. She moved closer to the window, watching as everyone jumped out of the engines. The aid car was the wrong side for her to spot Maya until she was already walking through the door. Carina tried to stop her, but Maya was gone, not even noticing her best friend standing there. 

A couple of other members of the team greeted her, but Carina wasn’t really paying attention, at least until Andy touched her arm gently. “Carina? You alright?” 

“I just told her everything that happened with Lane,” Jack explained, apparently having stood up from his chair now. 

“Maya didn’t tell you?!” Andy seemed as shocked as Carina about that fact. “I’d assumed she’d talk to you about it given she was always with you…” 

Carina shook her head, “I knew something was off, but whenever I bought it up she’d turn the subject back to me. And now I don’t need a babysitter anymore, I’ve barely heard a thing. I’ve been worried, and then you texted… I had to come down, try and catch her where she can’t run away.” 

“And here was me thinking it was just for my wonderful company,” Jack spoke, but immediately received glares from both Carina and Andy. “I’ll… go check on… something…” he backed off.

“She’ll be in the gym,” Andy told her. “She’s always in there at the moment. I really hope you can get through to her, Carina, because I don’t know what else to do.” 

Carina nodded and thanked her, before making her way to the gym. 

Sure enough, Maya had somehow already changed into her gym wear and was on the treadmill when Carina got there. She didn’t even acknowledge Carina’s arrival at first, and not wanting to startle her, Carina just waited. 

It had been about ten minutes before Maya finally looked over. “How long are you going to stand there?” 

Okay, so she was working with this Maya. Good to know where to start. “Until you talk to me.” 

“About what? You saw me a couple of days ago Carina, and I’ve been working since so I don’t know what exactly you expect to talk about.” 

Carina sat down on the weights bench. “You pulled a double?” 

“B-shift were down a Lieutenant yesterday, so yeah. Not like I’ve got much else to do.” 

Maya looked exhausted. Her eyes were darker than usual, and there were clear bags from lack of sleep. She even seemed paler, if that was possible. And yet she was running. 

“Can you please come off the treadmill?” Carina asked calmly, but Maya kept running. “Please Maya, can we just talk properly?” 

“No! This is my work day, my exercise regime, the only thing allowed to interrupt me is an emergency. If you insist on being here, you don’t get to tell me what to do.” 

When Maya started fighting back like this it was never a good sign. Carina knew it was a front, she knew she didn’t mean it, and she didn’t take any of it personally. It only made her worry more. 

She stood up again, walking over to the treadmill and stood at the side in front of Maya. “ Bella, you’re tired, take a rest,” she tried. 

“What is all this about, Carina? Because technically, you shouldn’t even be here. So just spit it out and then go home!” 

Clearly there was only one way to go about this. “I know what happened with your father.” 

And that worked, because Maya did stop the treadmill. “What?! Who told you, because they had no right! Was it Andy? I know you two talk about me behind my back.” 

She was now walking back and forth in front of Carina, which she supposed was better than running. “We don’t- Maya we just share concerns for our friend! But no, it wasn’t Andy. And it doesn’t even matter who it was, what matters is that this was five weeks ago and you didn’t tell me! You’re hurting, Maya. Talk to me, let me help.” 

“I don’t want to talk, Carina! I want to run, and I want to do my job, and I want to be left alone but nobody will fucking let me!” 

Carina walked over, trying to intercept her. When Maya tried to dodge her, she grabbed her arm. “Maya you’re spiralling. Please, talk to me. I know he hurt you.” 

“He didn’t hurt me, I didn’t let him,” she seethed back.

“Maybe not physically, but you’re hurting. I see it. Look at how much you’re running, how you’re pushing us away, you do this when you’re hurting.” 

Maya hadn’t pulled away, and Carina was taking that as a win. It meant that Maya was listening at least. 

“Please come and sit down.” 

“I- I can’t-” Maya shook her head. “I need to shower and I should clean the engine and-” 

“Maya, you need to rest,” Carina told her, but Maya didn’t move to sit. “Okay, maybe a shower is a good idea.” 

There was a nod, and Carina let go of her arm. “I’m going to wait for you, I still want to talk.” But there was no response to that before Maya walked off. 

After waiting a few moments, she went up to sit outside the showers. She listened, hearing her best friend moving about inside, hearing the shower turn on. Carina sat, pulling one leg up to her chest and resting her chin on her knee, biting the inside of her lower lip as she waited.

She didn’t notice anyone else in the room until someone sat down beside her. Looking up she saw Andy sitting down. “Well she’s out of the gym.” 

Carina didn’t reply immediately. She didn’t know what to think. A couple of members of the team walked through, glancing over at her, but not commenting on anything. Vic gave her a small wave, but clearly decided now wasn’t the time to talk. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she eventually asked. “All this time Maya was suffering and everyone just let her keep working and looking after me…” 

“I assumed you’d know, I’m sorry Carina. I figured given she was always at yours or work she’d be talking to you,” Andy explained. 

Carina shook her head, “I’m sorry, it’s not your responsibility, I should’ve seen-” 

“We’ve all missed things, but we know Maya too. She’s good at hiding things. Neither of us can change the last few weeks, but we can be here now.” Andy stood up. “I’ll get out of the way, it won’t be helpful if we’re both here. Just… maybe try and persuade her to take some time off?” 

“I’ll do my best,” Carina told her. “Thanks Andy.” 

Maya was taking her time, but she did eventually come out of the shower room in a towel, going over to her locker. “Don’t you have better things to do with your day?” 

“Not really, no,” Carina replied, not standing up for now, simply turning towards her. “How are you feeling?” 

“Cleaner,” Maya shrugged. “Were you expecting the shower to make me forget what happened? Because it didn’t work the first 20 times.” 

She wasn’t going to rise to the bait. Maya wanted her to be angry, wanted her to leave, but Carina wasn’t going to do that. “You should go home, Maya. Get some rest.” 

“I’m mid-shift, Carina, it doesn’t exactly work like that.” Carina couldn’t see Maya’s face but she was definitely rolling her eyes. She only turned around once she had a new set of uniform to change into. “I’m going to change, is that alright with you?” 

“Don’t do this, Maya.” Now she stood up, following Maya back into the shower room. “Talk to me!” 

Maya was already changing, pulling her trousers up. It was hardly the first time she’d changed in front of Carina. “What do you want me to say? That everything is killing me? That having my Dad scream at me in front of my colleagues was embarrassing as hell and I can barely look at them? That I just want his voice out of my damn head because it’s driving me insane?” 

She pulled her t-shirt on and turned to face her. Having taken a couple of steps forward, Carina was standing closer to Maya now. There were tears in her eyes, but her expression was stern and angry. Carina could tell she was fighting to keep her composure, fighting that part of Maya that needed to appear strong to everyone, but the facade was slipping. 

“Do you want me to tell you how I can’t sleep because I see his face? Or how once you didn’t need me I didn’t know how else to distract myself so I’ve taken up extra shifts for the distraction? I’m fucking tired, Carina, and I just can’t deal with it right now!” 

A few tears had escaped, and Carina wasn’t going to wait anymore. She stepped closer, pulling Maya in for a hug. She held her tight, and for a few moments, Maya let her. Carina felt the tears on her shoulder, and the small sobs in her chest. But Maya relaxed too, she was allowing herself to be comforted. 

But it didn’t last.

After a couple of minutes, Carina felt her body stiffen, and Maya pushed her away. She aggressively wiped at her cheeks, shaking her head. “I can’t- I just-” Maya stumbled over her words, heading for the door to leave. “Just go home, Carina!” 

She walked out, slamming the door shut behind her, and leaving Carina bewildered in the room on her own.

Chapter Text

05:02

Maya stared at the clock blinking beside her and sighed, giving up on the idea of sleep. She climbed out of bed and started changing into her running gear, throwing her hair up and slipping into her trainers before heading out.

She’d forgone headphones, focussing on the rhythmic sound of her feet pounding the sidewalk as she ran her usual route. She was going through the motions, running on automatic mode, just getting it done. But as much as she tried to focus, her brain would keep drifting.

The thing is, running was her Dad’s thing. He trained her, he taught her everything. And she didn’t want to think about him, but she couldn’t stop running. Maya didn’t know what she was without running, She hated it, she didn’t want to be stuck to him like this. She was lost, nothing made sense anymore. So she had to keep doing the one thing she knew how to do - run. Everything else was falling apart, she needed something she could keep under control.

It had been 10 days since she’d slammed the door on Carina in the station. 10 days since she’d spoken to her best friend. Carina had called, and texted, and turned up at the apartment, and Maya had ignored her every time. She knew that Carina and Andy were talking, they’d both told her, but she didn’t care. They could say what they wanted. She didn’t deserve their support anymore, and hopefully they’d see that soon.

Evidently the message hadn’t got through yet, because when she got home Andy was standing waiting for her, holding out a protein shake in her direction. Maya just pushed by her, not taking the offered drink. 

“Maya come on, I don’t care if you won’t talk to me, but you need to consume something,” Andy followed her through the apartment. “Are you coming to work?” 

Maya reached her bedroom and stormed inside, slamming the door behind her and leaning against it. 

“Maya, come on, I can’t keep covering for you. At some point Sullivan is going to ask questions!” 

She growled in frustration, turning back around and pulling the door open with force. “So don’t fucking cover for me! I didn’t ask you to! Tell your boyfriend whatever the fuck you want, I don’t care!”

“I- Maya, come on, it’s not like that…” 

“Sure, whatever you say, just leave me alone Andy,” she slammed the door again, sliding down the door this time, pulling her knees to her chest and burying her head in her legs, waiting for Andy to leave.

Carina couldn’t concentrate. She was trying, she really was, but her mind was elsewhere. She picked up her phone for probably the 10th time in as many minutes, but there was nothing. 

A knock at her door pulled her attention back, and she looked up as Arizona walked in holding coffee. “ Ciao bella,” she greeted her, attempting a smile.

“Hey, thought you might need this. Bumped into Dr Wilson and she mentioned you were…” 

“An asshole?” she sighed, taking the cup. “Thank you. I need to apologise to her.” 

Arizona leant against the desk, facing towards Carina in her chair. “You’ve been off for a couple of weeks now, Carina. What’s going on? Is it Maya?” 

Carina looked up, “how did you guess?” 

“Something was off with her after your collapse. I assumed it was just her worrying about you, but I’m guessing it’s more than that given your mood?” Arizona asked.

Clearly Carina’s face was as subtle as a brick. “Maya saw her Dad just before my collapse, it really got to her. She’s pushing everyone away, including Andy and me. She won’t answer my calls or texts, and I’m running out of ideas.” 

“You have a key to her place, right?” 

“Tried that last week, but she refused to speak a word, and now she’s keeping the chain on the door,” she sighed, placing the coffee down and leaning on the desk, putting her head in her hands. “Andy’s barely seen her either, and they live together.” 

Carina felt Arizona gently brush her hair back. It sort of annoyed her, but Arizona spoke before she could think further on that. “Is Maya working today?” 

She briefly thought over her schedule. “Yeah she should be.” 

“So why don’t you go to the station, she can’t stop you going in there,” Arizona suggested. “I’ll get your patients covered for the rest of the day.” 

Arizona had a point. She’d not been to the station so far, but maybe there was no other way. Carina needed answers, and she needed to see that Maya was alright, at least physically. “Are you sure? I’ll be done before our date tonight I swear, and I’ll be present. I’m sorry for all this.” 

“She’s your best friend, Carina, and you two are close. I’d be more worried if you weren’t affected by all this,” she leant down and kissed her cheek. Carina didn’t react. “See you tonight.” 

After Arizona left, Carina stood up, grabbing her bag and keys and making her way out to her car.

She spent the drive debating if she was doing the right thing, but when she pulled up outside the station she was immediately spotted by Vic who waved - there was no getting out of it now. She took a deep breath, having no idea where this might go as she got out of the car.

“DeLucs senior! To what do we owe the pleasure?” Vic bounded over to her. “Surprised to see you here when Maya’s not working.” 

“DeLuc- what? No, we will come back to that, Maya’s not working? I thought she was on shift today,” Carina was confused on many points. 

Vic raised an eyebrow, “you didn’t know? She’s missed the last 3 shifts.” 

A sense of dread took over. Carina immediately felt the heaviness in her abdomen. “Is she sick?” 

“Nobody knows,” Vic shrugged. “Even Andy’s not talking. But given Maya hates being sick, I guess she’s probably asked her not to.” 

Carina hummed, but she wasn’t convinced. “Is Andy inside?” 

“Probably in with the Captain,” Vic told her. “Careful, you never know what you might walk into.” 

Maya had filled her in on the ‘secret’ relationship a few weeks ago, so that wasn’t a surprise. Realistically, she had no reason to knock on the Captain’s office, and she was fairly sure Sullivan didn’t actually like her that much, but nothing was going to stop Carina from finding out what was going on with her best friend.

She thanked Vic and made her way inside. There was nobody sitting at the desk, but Ben was in the area and called after her as she knocked on the door, but Carina ignored him. She rubbed her slightly clammy hands against her trousers as the Captain's voice called for her to enter.

Sure enough, Andy was sitting in the chair opposite him when she walked in. “Dr DeLuca, it's not normal practice for a member of the public to knock on my door.” 

She didn't have time for this. “It's actually An- Lieutenant Herrera that I need to speak to.”

“Could this not wait until tomorrow? Lieutenant Herrera is on duty.’

“ Non chiedo la luna, [I'm not asking for the moon]” she muttered in frustration. “It's urgent, Captain. I wouldn't be here otherwise.” 

Andy spoke up now. “Captain, Dr DeLuca might not be a firefighter but she is well liked and respected at this station. If she says it's urgent I'm inclined to believe her.” 

With a sigh, he stood up. “Alright, you can stay in here. Be quick,” he told them before leaving.

Only once he was gone, and the door closed, did Carina speak. “What’s going on? Why isn’t Maya here?” 

Andy had stood up from her chair now, leaning against the front of the desk and shaking her head. “I have no idea, except from the fact I’ve been lying to our Captain about her being ill for almost 2 weeks now.”

“But she’s not unwell?” Carina asked, a little confused now.

“Not physically, no, but she’s either running or in her room.” 

Carina ran a hand through her hair, “and she’s still not talking to you?” 

“No. I tried again this morning - intercepted her when she came back from her run. She just shouted at me and went into her room. She’s not eating - at least not when I’m around - and I’ve literally never known the woman to take a day off. I really don’t know what to do now. I’ve kept it quiet for her, but I can’t- I’m sorry I didn’t tell you more, I just didn’t know what to do for the best.” 

Andy was getting increasingly upset, and Carina walked over to her. “I understand, I do, but after last time, Andy…” 

“ Lo entiendo [I understand (esp)]

 I’m sorry. We need to communicate better,” she agreed. “I didn’t want to break her trust.” 

“Sometimes it’s the best thing for her, even if she won’t realise it straight away,” Carina assured her, and then got back to the point at hand. “I don’t know what the answer is right now, but I’ll keep trying to speak to her. I’ll try going by the apartment on my way back to the hospital.” 

“She’ll have the chain on the door,” Andy pointed out.

Carina nodded sadly, “I know, but I’ll try. If nothing else, she needs to know that we’re not going anywhere.” 

13:42

Maya wanted to throw the stupid clock out of the window. It was taunting her all day, just blinking away showing how damn slow time was going. She’d already been on her second run of the day, and consequently had to strap her ankle, and now she was just laying in bed because anything else felt impossible.

This didn’t even feel like her, but then Maya wasn’t entirely sure if she knew what ‘her’ was anymore. Even running didn’t give her the relief she needed right now. Nothing made sense. Her body was numb. Her ankle throbbed, but it didn’t hurt - she’d only strapped it up out of habit, and to hide the deep purple colour. 

She looked out of the window, staring at the scattering of clouds in the sky. Her mind was drawn back to memories of long plane rides, of how comfy the clouds looked. They looked quite cosy today - those really fluffy thick clouds that look like you could bury yourself in them and hide away from the world. That felt so tempting right now, being able to get away from everyone and everything. Despite her best efforts to do so, Andy still lived here, and Carina-

A knock at the door, followed by “Maya?” as the door was opened only as far as the chain would allow it. 

Well apparently Carina turned up the second Maya thought of her now.

“Maya, please let me in. We don’t even have to talk, just don’t be alone.” 

She didn’t move. Nobody needed to see her like this, least of all Carina. Maya knew she’d fucked up, she knew this was her mess. She’d let Lane get to her, she’d let him do this, and she deserved the punishment.

“I’m worried about you bella , you never miss work. Andy’s worried too. Don’t have a go at her for this, by the way, I made her tell me. We just want the best for you Maya, we want to help.” 

She felt dampness and suddenly realised tears were falling again. She was so sick of crying. 

“I bought cannoli from your favourite bakery.” 

Maya’s stomach grumbled at the thought of cannoli from Gelatiamo, but even that wasn’t enough to move her. 

“Alright, I’ll leave, but the cannoli bag just fits through the door so I’ll leave it for you. Please at least text me, bella . I’m here for you, anytime you need. And please eat the cannoli, you deserve them - I promise you.” 

She heard the door close, and after a few minutes Maya stood up, slowly walking into the hall and spotting the bakery bag sitting on the floor. Part of her wanted to just throw it in the bin, but instead she took them to the fridge and put them inside, grabbing some juice while she was there before going back to the bedroom.

When Arizona knocked on the door, Carina was nowhere near ready. She’d spent the afternoon trying to come up with ideas to help Maya, while not really getting anywhere. She’d called Andy to update her, and they’d talked a little - both equally worried for their friend. Times like this she really wished her Mamma was still around - she’d know what to do.

She opened the door. “I’m sorry, I’ll be like 10 minutes, I just got off the phone to Andy and I lost track of time-” It was only mid-rant that she realised that Arizona was not dressed to go out for dinner. “You’re not dressed up?” 

“No, I’m not, because I didn’t think you’d really want to,” she walked inside, shutting the door. “How did it go with Maya?” 

Shit 

“Oh god I didn’t even message you,” Carina ran a hand through her hair. “I’m so sorry, I’m being an awful girlfriend.” 

Arizona shook her head. “No, Carina, you’re just trying to balance a lot right now. So I thought I could be here for you instead.” 

“ Non me lo merito [I don’t deserve it],” she sighed, sitting down on the sofa. 

“No idea what you said, but I probably disagree. So how about you tell me what happened instead of beating yourself up?” Arizona sat down beside her, placing a hand on Carina’s lower thigh. She wanted to push it off. She hated that Arizona was being so nice about this when she didn’t really even want to see her right now.

Carina sighed, “I went. The chain was on the door, but I opened it enough to call in. I know she was in there, but no reply. I left her cannoli from Gelatiamo - managed to squeeze them through the gap - but I don’t know if she’ll eat them.” 

“I did have an idea, and I know I don’t know Maya that well, but hear me out,” Arizona started. Carina did, as asked, listen. “What if we both go over now? I know you’ve tried once today, but maybe someone a little less involved talking to her might help, and I’m willing to try? I’m not asking you to tell me the full story of what’s going on, I’m not asking you to break her trust, but let me try and show her how much you care. It must be worth a try?” 

Her initial instinct was to say no, but she stopped herself. Nothing else had worked after all, she had no argument to not give Arizona a chance. She was desperate at this point.

“ Allora… it’s worth a try,” she agreed. “But you don’t have to do this, Arizona, this was meant to be our date evening. It still can be.” Except she really, really didn’t want Arizona to change her mind.

Arizona shook her head, “there are more important things tonight. Maya might be your best friend, but I quite like her too, and I know how much this is affecting you, and I really like you,” she smiled slightly. “Come on, let’s go.” 

Sometimes Carina forgot just how nice her girlfriend was. 

Sometimes she felt guilty that Arizona was not her number 1 priority.

Sometimes. Maybe not often. 

19:12

Maya was lying on the hard floor in the hall when the door knocked again. Her ankle had given up on her halfway to the kitchen, and she simply hadn’t moved since. The floor felt nice, in a way. It was cold and hard - it allowed her to feel something. Carina often lay on the floor when she was having a hard time, and now Maya somewhat understood why.

Carina

She was at the door. Again. At least it was most likely her, given she’d not let anyone in the main door, and Carina was the only person (other than her and Andy) to have a key.

“Maya?” 

But that wasn’t Carina’s voice. That was-

“Maya it’s Arizona.” 

Why the fuck was Carina’s girlfriend here? 

“Carina’s here too, but I wanted to come and talk to you,” Arizona spoke calmly through the door. “She didn’t ask me too, and she’s not told me a lot about what happened. I asked if I could come and speak to you.” 

That made even less sense, why would Arizona care? 

“Can you let me in? It can just be me if you want. Give me 5 minutes, and if you want me to leave after that then I will.” 

Maya sat up. She had to admit she was intrigued by what Arizona would have to say. She’d heard what Carina had to say, multiple times, but this was new. The curious side of her was enough to make her stand up and hobble to the door. “Just you,” she said, a hand resting on the cool metal of the chain.

She listened as Carina muttered something about waiting in the car, and only once she’d heard her footsteps heading down did she open the door and allow Arizona in. 

Immediately, Arizona’s eyes were drawn down to her bandaged foot, and Maya cursed herself for not having put a sock on. “Just say what you came to say, you’re already at 4 minutes 30.” 

“You should sit, Maya,” she started, but Maya just glared at her. She knew it was mean, but she didn’t want this sympathy. She just wanted Arizona to talk and leave. “Alright then. I’m going to talk, you’re going to listen. Carina doesn’t know what I’m about to say, so if you’re angry at me after, don’t take it out on her.” 

Maya shrugged, “whatever, go on.” She shifted a little, trying to make standing a little more comfortable, waiting for Arizona to start.

“I don’t know the full story of what happened, but I know it has something to do with your Dad. I know you saw him the same day Carina collapsed, and I imagine that day was a lot for you - a lot of emotions to process in one day. Perhaps looking after Carina was a distraction, or maybe it even stopped you from being able to talk over your feelings. I can’t know that for sure, but what I do know is that your best friend cares a lot for you. I can see that your instinctive reaction is to try and handle this yourself, but you don’t have to do that. You have people that care, Maya, they want to help. You deserved to let them help you. Carina isn’t asking you to be fixed overnight, she’s just asking you to let her in. Small steps, Maya, just small steps,” she told her. “Let her in tonight. I’ll go. Andy’s working, right? So it’ll just be the two of you. Watch films, have some food, just be in her company. That’s all she’s asking.”

Maya went to step forward, briefly forgetting about her ankle which promptly gave out under her. Arizona leaned forward to steady her, and Maya instinctively pulled back, not wanting the contact. 

She was bordering on tears, she could feel it, but there was no way Maya was breaking down in front of someone who was still practically a stranger. 

Arizona’s words had stung a little. Maya had spent these last few weeks convincing herself she didn’t deserve love and support, and any time Andy and Carina had told her otherwise, she’d ignored it. But for some reason, hearing it from Arizona felt different. 

“You can tell her to come up,” Maya eventually spoke quietly. 

There was a hint of a smile from Arizona. “She’ll appreciate that.” 

“I- I just-” Maya sighed, “thank you for coming.” 

Without saying anything else, Arizona left. Maya left the door ajar, and went to sit down on the sofa, leaning on various pieces of furniture as she went.

She made it, just, but the moment she sat down the tears that had been threatening started to spill. She furiously tried to wipe them away, but they wouldn’t stop. She’d cried so much the last few days, and she hated it, and now Carina was on her way up and-

“ Bella, hey, deep breaths,” Carina crouched down in front of her. Maya jumped slightly at the sudden appearance of her best friend. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” she stood up just enough to sit herself on the sofa, putting one leg up, bent at the knee, to face towards her. “Look at me, Maya, just at me.” 

Maya felt an internal fight between two parts of herself, one of which wanted to look up so badly, and the other really didn’t. She didn’t deserve this. Carina was being too nice, too soft. Maya had been horrible. 

Her hands felt clammy. She wiped them on her leggings, but then suddenly they were in Carina’s hands and she wasn’t quite sure how. She wanted to pull them back, but she didn’t, instead she stared at them. Carina ran her thumbs across the back of Maya’s hands in a soothing motion, wiping away the few tears that fell onto them as she did. Eventually she let go of Maya’s left hand, moving her now free hand up and brushing away the tears on Maya’s cheeks, before carefully lifting her chin for Maya to look up. It wasn’t forced, but it was enough to make her look, to finally push aside the part of her wanting to pull away.

Carina looked at her with concern, and a flicker of something else that Maya couldn’t put her hand on. “I’m here, bella . I’m here now.” 

And all Maya could do was give in to what she needed, pulling Carina in for a hug. Carina held her tight, and Maya melted into her hold. She’d spent weeks forcing herself to push back, and only now was she realising how much hard work that had been. Now she’d allowed herself some support, it was like her body finally remembered how to relax a little.

They stayed in that position for a while, and then Maya finally sat up. Her eyes stung from crying, and her head was pounding.

Carina brushed a piece of Maya’s hair that had come loose from her ponytail back. “You look tired. Have you been sleeping?” 

Maya shrugged.

“Okay, well you need hydration, food, and sleep, so we’re going to tackle those all one by one, va bene? ” 

She managed a small nod, even though that all felt somewhat overwhelming right now. The energy to argue was gone, and she had to admit she was a little hungry.

“Firstly I’m going to go and get you some water, and then I’ll cook us some dinner. I bought ingredients for your favourite gnocchi.” 

Her stomach grumbled slightly. Carina didn’t acknowledge it.

“You stay here, rest,” she said to Maya as she stood up, but Maya found herself standing too without even realising. “Maya?” 

“I-” she had to pause a little, her throat was dry and sore. “Can I come with you?” 

She immediately panicked. Why did she sound so needy? It was stupid, dumb, Carina wasn’t going to want her clinging-

“Of course, bella , you can sit at the island while I cook,” she smiled. 

Oh .

Then she remembered something else, glancing down at her ankle. Carina’s gaze followed hers. “Ah sí, Arizona mentioned you hurt your ankle. Come,” she put an arm around Maya to support her as they walked to the kitchen.

Maya expected Carina to question her on the injury, maybe berate her for exercising too much, but she didn’t. She got Maya sat on one of the kitchen stools with backs, and then made sure her bad leg had another stool to rest on, before retrieving an ice pack from the freezer and wrapping it for her. She then found water, and painkillers, putting them beside Maya, before pulling a bag of food from nowhere to start cooking.

A comfortable silence fell over them. Carina would smile when she turned towards Maya, just enough to remind her she was still there, but not pushing anything. 

It didn’t take long for dinner to be made - it was clear Carina had picked a quick recipe on purpose, and she served them both up a small portion. “Where do you want to eat?” she asked.

Maya appreciated having the choice, and asked to go back to the lounge, so Carina helped her back before returning to collect their food.

It took a while, but Maya was able to finish the bowl while they had a film on in the background. Carina simply smiled as she took everything back out to the kitchen and returned as the film credits rolled. “Now, hai bisogno di dormire [you need to sleep],” she picked up the remote and switched the TV off. “ Andiamo a letto . [Let’s go to bed].” 

She’d spent a lot of time in bed the last few days, but not a lot of time sleeping. At least not restful sleep. All that made her somewhat reluctant to go back there, which is why Maya paused.

“One step at a time, remember?” Carina told her. “Let’s go to your bedroom and find some comfy pyjamas first?” 

That made it a little easier to swallow, so Maya allowed her best friend to help her through to the room, and to change, and to get into bed. Carina talked her through each step, and then found some spare PJs of her own to change into before joining Maya. 

It was hardly the first time they’d shared a bed, but Maya found herself not really knowing what to do. Luckily, Carina clearly had a plan, and wrapped her arms around her. “Sleep, bella , I’m right here. You’re safe.” 

And for the first time in weeks, Maya found herself falling into a dreamless sleep.

Chapter Text

Maya woke up with a groan, her head hurt, and she was aching. She glanced over to the other side of the bed - empty. Good - her Wednesday had left before Thursday. There was a note on the pillow, she picked it up.

Great night last night. Call me x

(206) 342-8631

She rolled her eyes, scrunching the piece of paper up and chucking it towards the bin.

It was always the men. 

Gli uomini sono tutti degli idioti.

Maya smiled to herself as she thought of her best friend’s favourite phrase. It had been two weeks since she’d let Carina back in, and she’d seen her almost every day since. Maya could tell Carina was keeping an eye on her, but she was trying not to get annoyed by it. 

“Maya, you up?” 

Within seconds the bedroom door was open and Andy walked in holding a mug of coffee. “I didn’t actually reply,” she grumbled, sitting up a little and taking the mug. 

“You never do,” Andy pointed out, sitting at the bottom of the bed. “But I also know you need caffeine, you’ve pulled two extra shifts this week.” 

Maya shrugged. “Just making up for what I missed.” 

“You don’t actually have to do that, you know, that’s what sick days are for,” Andy replied, sipping at her coffee. “And before you start on the ‘I wasn’t sick’ crap again, you definitely couldn’t have worked on that ankle regardless of anything else.”

“Whatever. Fuck off will you? I need to get up.” 

She managed to keep up the friendly banter with Andy. It felt normal, which was nice, and also somewhat kept her friend off her back. She’d just about managed to find the balance with her and Carina to stop them digging any further. She knew they cared, but she still didn’t feel ready to completely accept it. 

Maya needed to do this her way, and right now most of that involved distraction.

There was a 4-alarm downtown, and Maya was itching to get down there, but nineteen had yet to be called in. It was only a matter of time now, that much was clear, but Maya hated the waiting.

After Andy had kicked her out of the gym for overdoing it again, Maya had showered and now sat in the break room with a few others in the team, watching the fire burning on the TV. Everything was already prepped to go, Sullivan had made sure of that early on. Everyone was now anxiously awaiting the call.

She’d been sitting there about half an hour when she felt her eyes drooping. 

Basta. No time for that.

After fighting them for a few minutes, Maya stood herself up. She needed to move, and she needed caffeine, so she made her way to the kitchen area and was about to pour herself coffee when a familiar Italian voice interrupted her.

“Don’t you dare drink that crap, Maya Bishop.”

Carina walked over and shoved a coffee cup from their favourite Italian café in her hand. 

“How do you always know?” Maya asked, quickly taking a welcomed sip. “Thanks.” 

“I saw on the news, but you hadn’t texted to say you’d gone out,” she leant against the counter beside Maya. “sarà presto, no? [It’ll be soon, no?]”

“sì, a momenti. [any minute now]” 

She could see Carina’s mood sink a little at her confirmation. “Stai attenta.”

“Sempre,” Maya replied quietly, staring down at the cup she was holding. “Have you finished work?” 

“My shift is over, but I volunteered to go back and help in the ER after I dropped this to you,” she gestured towards the coffee. “It’s busy in there with the fire injuries.” 

Maya nodded, she’d seen the people being pulled out of the building, and radio traffic suggested there were still more inside. “Ben and Dean are on aid car today, they’re already out there, so you might see them.”

“I’d rather see you,” Carina sighed. “But not as a patient, okay? No heroics.” 

“I’ll do my job, Carina, and I’ll do my best to be safe. That’s all I can promise,” Maya sighed. She knew Carina worried, and in the early days of their friendship she’d spent a long time explaining everything they did to keep themselves safe, but it didn’t stop her from worrying. 

Maya still found it strange, to be honest, having someone that worried about her. Before Carina, everyone who cared about her was in this building, and they understood. Before work, nobody had really worried about her this way. Having someone outside work who truly cared was new, even now. Maya had spent ages grilling Andy on how to calm Carina down at one point, and even now she didn’t know if she really got it right, but she did what she could. They had their little Italian promise, and Maya always sent Carina a fire emoji when they went to a job, and a home emoji on her return. Granted she’d let that lapse, but since returning to work 2 weeks ago she’d kept it up. She owed her friend that much at least.

“Presa? [hug]” Carina asked. 

Maya nodded, putting the cup down and embracing her friend. 

“Get a room you two,” Vic’s voice called out from across the room, and Maya held up her middle finger towards her as she made her way back out. 

They separated. “I’d better get to the hospital. See you tomorrow?” 

“A domani,” Maya repeated it back to her in Italian, prompting a small smile before Carina left.

Maya managed to just about finish her coffee, but not long after Carina had left, the call went out for them to attend the apartment block fire. They all ran (or slid) down, suiting up, and jumping into the trucks. Her leg bounced as she sat watching Seattle rush by on their way. Sullivan read out orders, although mostly they’d be presented with their tasks on arrival by the Chief. Everyone else was chatting away, but Maya was focused - she wouldn’t let them distract her.

On arrival, they all jumped out while Sullivan went and got their orders. Maya stood by the ladder truck, staring up at the fire. “You alright for this?” 

Maya quickly looked over at Andy standing next to her. “What?” 

“You look tired Maya, if you’re-” 

“I’m fine, just anxious to get in there,” she quickly bit back. “You don’t have to watch me all the time.” 

Andy held her hands up and walked away to speak to others, leaving Maya alone for a few moments until Captain Sullivan returned. 

It wasn’t long, however, before the two of them were paired back up to go in on search and rescue. Maya didn’t mind, not really, the two of them worked well together. She just needed Andy to focus on the job and not her.

Once they were masked up, the two of them made their way inside and up to the 4th floor as requested. They worked from apartment to apartment, checking for anyone who may be left inside. 

All the 4th floor apartments were clear, so they made their way down to the 3rd floor. They took opposite sides of the hall, knocking on each door and listening. It was on Maya’s third door that she heard something - a distant voice shouting for help. “Lieutenant Herrera! There’s someone in here!” she called over to her, using her title to grab her attention. 

Andy ran over as Maya quickly tested the door and then broke it down to get inside. The apartment was smoke filled, but there was no sign of fire. “Seattle Fire Department, call out!” Maya shouted. 

They followed the voice, and eventually they found a young woman in the back room, holding her baby tight to her chest. It should just be a simple grab and go, save for one small problem - her leg was trapped under a shelving unit that had clearly fallen on her. 

“I can’t move, I can’t get out, I tried but it hurts so much,” the woman got out between coughs. 

“We’re here now, we’ll get you out. My name’s Maya, this is Andy. Is this your little one?” she asked, gesturing to the baby in her arms. 

“I kept him low, I tried to keep him safe, I was holding him when it fell but it didn’t hit him. He was crying so much, but he’s sleeping now.” 

Maya and Andy quickly shared a concerned look before Maya looked back. “What’s your name?” 

“Em- Emma-” she said. “This is Jonas.” 

“Alright Emma, we’re going to help. Do you mind if I get Andy to take Jonas so she can check him over? It’ll make it easier for me to help you too,” she told her, trying to keep it calm. 

Thankfully, Emma agreed, and Maya swiftly handed over the infant to Andy before putting her focus back on the injured woman in front of her. She assessed the situation. The shelving unit looked heavy, although granted it had somewhat emptied itself on the way down. Ideally they’d need a few people to move it, but Andy had a baby to look after and everyone else was busy, which left just them.

She heard Andy updating Captain Sullivan on their situation, but not until she’d heard a small whimper from the baby. Signs of life - that was good - but that baby needed to be out of this building. 

“You should take him out, Herrera,” Maya called back when Andy had finished on the radio. 

“I-” Andy started to argue back.

“Andy take him outside, then come back, we’re not going anywhere,” she told her. Andy still looked hesitant. They weren’t meant to split up. “Emma, Lieutenant Herrera - Andy - she’s going to take Jonas outside so he can get some fresh air and be checked out by the paramedics, okay? I promise you’ll follow him soon.” 

Emma nodded, “get him safe. Please, save my baby.” 

Andy reluctantly agreed. “Alright, but I’ll be right back. You better have a plan, Bishop.” 

She tried many ways to free Emma’s leg, but it wasn’t working. Emma herself was staying surprisingly calm, but she was coughing a lot, and Maya knew she needed to free her. On top of that, Andy seemed to be taking her sweet time coming back inside, and Maya really needed a second pair of arms on this unit. She looked down at her radio and quickly realised something - she was on the wrong channel.

Fuck. 

She changed it back, and then put the call out. 

“Herrera, where are you?” 

But it wasn’t Andy’s voice that returned.

“Lieutenant Bishop, there is a full retreat order in action, you need to get out right now, the building is structurally unsound!” 

Shit. Shit. Shit. 

She must have missed the order with her radio being on the wrong channel. 

Maya looked back at Emma who she’d stepped away from briefly. “Sir, I’m with an injured civilian, she’s trapped.” 

“Full retreat means full retreat, Bishop. Get out now and report to me immediately.” 

She heard a cracking noise above her. 

“What was that?” Emma asked, sounding more nervous than she had done so far. “Is- is the building going to fall?” 

Maya took a deep breath, and then made her decision, rushing back over to Emma. “I’m not going to lie to you Emma, we don’t have long. I’m going to push this unit up as much as I can, and I need you to pull your leg back. It’s going to hurt - a lot - but it’s the only shot we have right now, I’m sorry.” 

“No, you should go, you should-” 

“We don’t have time to argue,” Maya told her, quickly positioning herself at the edge of the shelves. “Alright, on three.” 

“Lieutenant Bishop!” She quickly switched off her radio.

“One, two, THREE!” 

Maya pushed as hard as she could. It lifted the unit up just enough, and Emma pulled her leg back with a scream before Maya dropped the unit back down. “Alright, I’m going to carry you out now,” she went over and picked Emma up, quickly rushing down the three flights of stairs and out of the building.

She made it out in time. Just. There was a partial collapse of the building moments after she left.

Maya rushed Emma over to the medical area where she found Ben and Dean, pulling her mask off once she’d got her on a gurney. “This is Emma, 24, her leg was crushed under a large unit. She’s got significant smoke inhalation too, but I haven’t been able to do a full assessment. Her baby should be here too.” 

“He is, Jonas is right over here,” Ben disappeared for a second before returning with baby Jonas who had a small nasal cannula on. The small oxygen tank was tucked under Ben’s arm. “We’re giving him some oxygen, but he’s doing well.” 

Before Maya could do much else, she heard an angry voice behind her. “Lieutenant Bishop, over here - now!” 

She took a step over to Emma first. “You’re in safe hands, okay? These guys are my friends, they’ll get you to the hospital, and the doctors there are fantastic.”

Emma pulled her oxygen mask down. “Thank you. Thank you so much.” 

Maya smiled at her, before turning away and walking over to Captain Sullivan - bracing herself for what was about to come. 

“Bishop, what took you so long to answer your radio?” he asked. 

“I-” she sighed, there was no point in lying. “I had it tuned to the wrong channel, sir. I didn’t realise until Herrera was gone.” 

“And yet when you did have it on the correct channel, you still defied orders. A full retreat is immediate, as you well know.” 

“Sir, with all due respect, Emma is out of the building and alive. She would not have been if I’d have followed your orders,” she argued back, probably irresponsibly.

Captain Sullivan’s face remained stern. “And that is the only reason I’m not suspending you. However I am benching you for the next 2 shifts, cancelling your extra shifts, and sending you home now.” 

Maya shook her head. “Sir, it was a small error on my part, I’m fine, it-” 

“Go home, Lieutenant Bishop, before I change my mind. Miller and Warren will drop you at the station after they’ve taken the patient in. You need to get a grip on things, Bishop, don’t think I haven’t noticed.” 

“Yes Sir,” she spoke through gritted teeth, before walking away. Andy walked over to her. “Maya-” 

“Not now Andy, please,” she held a hand up at her, dropping her mask back in the engine before walking over to the aid car and climbing into the passenger seat. 

Dean looked over at her. “Maya-” 

“Don’t. Just don’t, Miller.” 

He nodded, and they started their journey to Grey-Sloan.

It had been non-stop from the second Carina had entered the ER. She was grateful, because she had received the text from Maya seconds before walking through those doors, and she needed the distraction. 

Most of her patients had been simple smoke inhalations, but there had been a lot of them. 

After setting up another patient on oxygen therapy, Carina made her way back out to the nurses station where she was surprised to find Arizona standing. “I thought you finished at 6?” 

“I did, but I thought you might need this,” she handed over a coffee. 

“Oh my god you're incredible,” Carina quickly took a sip. “I'm sorry I can't hang around.”

Arizona shook her head, “no it's okay. I just wanted to check in. Have you heard from Maya?” 

Carina started updating notes on her tablet as they talked, time not being on her side tonight. “No. She got called in when I got back, but I won't hear anything until she gets back.” 

She looked up when Arizona didn't reply and saw a worried look on her face. “What? What do you know?” 

“There was a partial collapse of the building about 20 minutes ago. That's all I know.” 

Carina suddenly felt dizzy, and she steadied herself against the counter. 

She needed to get to the TV.

She went to walk off, but Arizona stopped her. “Don't watch it, Carina. It won't help. I know Maya tells you not to.” 

Carina stopped, looking around. “I need to get back to work, I need to-”

“No, you need to take a few minutes,” Arizona told her, and before Carina knew it her girlfriend had spoken to Dr Hunt and taken her to a spare on-call room. “Sit, lie, whatever you need.” 

She sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled out her phone. No messages. Carina considered pulling up the news, but could hear Maya's voice telling her not to. She sipped at her coffee, staring at the floor. “I hate this. I hate the waiting. Odio non sapere se sta bene [I hate not knowing if she's okay], especially at the moment.” 

Arizona sat herself down, and Carina felt her arm wrap around her back supportively. “Maya is good at her job, she will always do her best to be safe.” 

“I wish I could believe that right now,” Carina sighed. 

Her phone buzzed, and she quickly looked at it, groaning in frustration when she saw Andrea’s name on the screen. She stared at it ringing, not really in the mood to talk to him right now. 

As if reading her mind, Arizona took the phone, answering for her. “Andrew- no, no she’s alright, just taking a minute,” she paused, obviously listening to Andrea on the other end. “No, we don't know yet.” Another pause. Carina could probably hear the other end of the conversation if she tried hard enough, but she didn’t care that much. “You don’t have to- oh, okay. Makes sense. I’ll let her know. Bye Andrew.” 

She handed the phone back to Carina, and Carina quickly checked no other messages had come in. “What did he want?” 

“Checking you were alright, and to let you know he’s coming into work. They’ve asked some people to provide extra hands,” she explained. 

Carina sighed, leaning her head down on Arizona’s shoulder. “I should get back out there.” 

“Finish your coffee first, and try to relax. Just for a few more minutes,” she told her.

Giving in, she sat up again and sipped at her coffee, moving so she could sit against the head of the bed with her legs up. 

Ten minutes later, Carina made her way back to the ER after saying goodbye to Arizona. She threw herself back into work, but did find herself glancing at the doors frequently to see who was brought in. There had been a couple of injured firefighters, but nobody from 19. She had seen Dean and Ben bringing in a young woman and a baby, but they were gone before she could catch them to find out what was happening.

The whole department worked tirelessly for hours, until it finally settled. A multi-car pile up on the highway had only extended their efforts, but eventually things were under control.

Carina was just placing her tablet on to charge when she saw Jack Gibson approaching. “Have you seen Maya?” he asked, before Carina could utter a word.

That question made her heart drop. 

“What do you mean? I thought she was working?” 

“She-” Jack paused, catching his breath. “Cap sent her home, she disobeyed orders. She came here with Warren and Miller, they were meant to take her to the station on their way back to the scene, but she disappeared. Sullivan told them to get back to work, so it’s been hours, the rest of us only just found out. Ben said they’d been looking on their drives back and forth, but no sign. They hoped she was with you.” 

Carina shook her head, worry settling in deeper. “I haven’t heard from her since you went to the scene.” 

Jack’s phone rang as she finished talking and he quickly answered. “Hi Andy. No, she’s not here, Carina hasn’t heard from her. I take it she’s not at home?” 

Options started running through Carina’s mind, all the places she could be. 

Running.

Of course, she was running.

“I have an idea,” Carina said to Jack, before he was even off the phone. “I’ll find her,” she added, before going to get her bag.

It took a while. Maya was a small person in a big park, and it was 3am and therefore pretty dark, but eventually Carina spotted her. She was still in her turnouts, sitting on the edge of the water and staring out into the night. Even in the dim light, Carina could tell she’d been crying. She quickly pulled out her phone to tell Jack she had Maya, and then put it away.

She approached slowly, not wanting to startle Maya. Her own heart was pounding as it was, most likely from all the rushing around she’d just done. Eventually Carina noticed Maya’s eyes move in her direction and then back - suggesting she had registered her presence. She sat herself down next to Maya - the ground was cold, but she ignored that for now. Now she was closer, she could see how tired Maya looked. She was evidently emotionally and physically exhausted. Carina just needed to persuade her home now.

“How did you know?” Maya eventually asked, breaking the silence between them.

“Jack came to see me. Sounds like they were all looking for you,” Carina told her. “He said you ran from the hospital?” 

Maya shrugged.

“You needed your own space, I know, but you could’ve found me - you could’ve used my office, or gone home and used the treadmill for a bit, bella. You’ve been out here for hours. You need rest,” Carina held her hand out. “Let me take you home.” 

Thankfully, Maya took her hand. Carina stood up, helping Maya to her feet also. “Let’s go.” 

They started walking towards the park exit where Carina had left her car. She kept a supportive arm around Maya, or at least she did until she had to stop.

Her heart was pounding faster, suddenly she could barely breathe.

She heard Maya call her name, but barely registered what happened next before it all went black.

When Carina let go, Maya assumed she was going to get her keys out. They were almost at the park exit, after all, but then she realised Carina was no longer walking beside her. 

Maya turned around, seeing Carina a few steps back clutching her chest. “Carina?” she quickly went back to her. “Carina, what’s wrong?” 

Carina looked up at her, her eyes looking dazed, and then she blacked out.

Maya managed to stop the worst of the fall, guiding Carina to the ground carefully. She quickly switched into paramedic mode, starting to assess her patient. 

Airway: clear

Breathing: 

She quickly put her ear to Carina’s mouth. 

No. No no no.

Breathing: no

Circulation: no pulse.

No!

“Non azzardarti a lasciarmi [Don’t you dare leave me], Carina.”

Chapter Text

Maya flung her jacket off, quickly grabbing her phone and calling 911 on speaker as she started CPR. 

She relayed their location and all the information she had, and asked if Aid 19 could be assigned to the case if available. Once she was sure there was help on the way, she asked the operator to leave her to it - freeing up the phone for her to call someone else.

Using voice controls, she dialled Andy’s number. 

“Maya thank-” 

“Not now Andy,” she quickly cut her friend off. “Has the aid car left yet?” 

“Yes, I’m in it. Switched out with Ben - he had a family emergency. Wait, are we coming to you? They said it was a cardiac arrest.” 

“Not me, Carina,” she replied, continuing CPR. She was beginning to feel the strain in her exhausted body, but there was no time for that. 

She heard Dean question Andy before she spoke again. “Maya I’m putting you on speaker. They said there was a paramedic on scene. Carina’s the patient?” 

“Yes, I’m-” she paused to look at the clock, “3 minutes into CPR. She was clutching her chest and collapsed. It was so sudden I-” 

“Maya you’re doing a great job,” Andy reassured her. Normally that sort of phrase would annoy Maya, but right now she needed someone. We’re 2 minutes out. How far into the park are you?” 

She looked up, assessing her distance from the exit. “Uh, about 300 meters from the west entrance. Carina’s car is parked outside there I think,” and her mind quickly drifted back, “I thought she was just getting her keys…” 

“Bishop keep your head in the game,” Dean spoke up. “We’re nearly with you.” 

His voice shook her back into the present. Her arms were screaming in pain now from the pressure of CPR. Andy kept encouraging her. She heard the aid car pull up and soon enough her friends were at her side. “Maya, let Dean take over,” Andy grabbed her shoulders and guided Maya back. “Take a minute, let us work,” she told her, and immediately went the other side of Carina.

Maya wanted to help, she should be doing more, but she couldn’t. Tears were falling from her already stinging eyes. Andy put the monitor on and announced that Carina was in VF. 

They shocked her. 

Carina’s body jumped with the energy put through her. 

“She’s back.” 

Maya scrambled back over. “Carina?” 

“M- Maya-” she mumbled, a dazed look on her face. “You-”

“I’m fine, I’m okay. Let’s focus on you,” Maya replied, taking her hand but being careful to allow Andy and Dean to keep working. 

“Welcome back Carina,” Andy spoke when she’d finished doing full observations. “We need to get you to the hospital. Maya did she hit her head when she fell?” 

Maya shook her head, “I caught her on the way down.” 

“Good, alright, let’s get you on the gurney Carina and we’ll get you in. I assume you’re coming, Maya?” 

“Car…” Carina muttered. 

Maya realised what she meant. She was torn, not wanting to leave her side. 

“Please…”

She sighed, “you and your stupid Porsche. Fine, I’ll bring the car in.” Grabbing Carina’s bag, Maya found the keys. “I’ll call Andrew and Arizona too.” 

“No, I’m-” 

Maya shook her head, “don’t finish that sentence. Carina you arrested, I had to do CPR on you for 5 minutes, you’re not fine.” 

“Arrested…?” Carina looked from Maya to Andy. 

Andy nodded, “you were in VF when we arrived. One shock got you back.” 

Immediately Maya noticed tears and she cursed herself for having been so blunt. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you like that,” she squeezed Carina’s hand. “You’re going to be okay, we’ve got you now.” 

“Stay… please…” 

Maya looked at the keys in her hand, “are you sure? The car-” 

Carina shook her head, “I want you.”

“Alright, I’ll sort the car later,” she agreed, slipping the keys into her pocket. “Let’s get you to the hospital.”

Maya called Arizona and Andrew on their drive in, all while Carina kept a tight hold of her hand. She was scared, that much was clear. Maya kept reassuring her, rubbing her thumb on the back of Carina’s hand to help calm her. 

When they reached the hospital she reluctantly let go to let the team do their job. She stayed outside the room, within eyesight of Carina who would occasionally look to check Maya was still close. 

Andrew quickly appeared. “What happened? What’s going on? Maya she-” 

“ Calma, ” Maya placed a hand on his chest to stop him from going in, but he kept fighting her. “Andrew! Basta! Let them work!” Maya pushed him back from the door, which finally seemed to get his attention. “We can go in soon.” 

“Sorry- sorry-” he stared behind Maya at his sister. “What happened? You said she collapsed but this looks worse than what happened before, Maya.” 

Maya looked down, she hadn’t told him or Arizona the whole truth on the phone for their own sakes. Thankfully as she was about to start explaining, Arizona also appeared. It was a relief to know she wouldn’t have to repeat this twice. She took a deep breath, barely holding herself together as it was. “She… she had a cardiac arrest,” she started, rubbing her hands together anxiously. “We were in the park, she came to find me and- that’s not the point - we were in the park. I called 911 and made sure 19 attended. They got her back with one shock. She’s stable, but scared. They’re just doing all the initial checks, then we can go in,” she told them - as if they didn’t already know that. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry-” 

Andrew placed a hand on her shoulder, shaking his head. “You saved her Maya, thank you,” he pulled her in for a hug. Maya stood fairly stiffly in his grasp, but didn’t pull away until he did. “I’m very grateful.” 

“Maya, how’s she doing?” Andy rushed over. “Sorry, we had to sort paperwork, I got back as soon as I could.” 

Before she could even answer, Amelia appeared. “Firefighter Barbie! To what do we owe-” she spotted Carina. “What happened? Is she alright? I got paged to a post-arrest-” 

“How did this even happen?” Arizona asked.

Maya looked between them all. It was too much, there was too much. She just wanted her best friend to be okay and none of these people were helping. Everyone was asking her questions and nobody was helping. Not half an hour ago she’d been doing CPR on her best friend who was lying in the room behind her being worked on by her friends. She just wanted Carina to be okay, she just wanted her to be okay - she didn’t want to be fielding everyone’s questions. 

And then behind her, everything started going wrong. She heard the beeping from the machine and turned around. Andrew had already clicked what was happening and ran into the room, shortly followed by Arizona. Maya looked at the monitor and saw the rhythm. It was happening again. 

There was an intern doing CPR. She wanted to scream at them to get away, let her do it. 

Teddy was directing everyone, and Amelia had jumped in to help. Owen got Andrew and Arizona back outside the room. 

Maya stood frozen.

It was a matter of seconds for them to deliver the shock which brought her back, but it felt like a lifetime. 

And then they were rushing her away. 

Teddy stopped briefly on the way out. “We’re taking her up to the cath lab for an EP study and potential ICD implant. We’ve got IV beta blockers running now to hopefully help.” 

“You think this is an electrical abnormality?” Andrew asked. 

“It looks that way, yes. Easily missed on her previous tests. It’s unfortunate that this is how we’ve caught it, but we have now. I’ll get someone to keep you all updated - you’re welcome to wait in my office, Sandra will let you in.” 

After that, Teddy left, and everyone was suddenly looking at Maya again. 

“Did she say anything about feeling unwell before she collapsed?” Andrew asked.

Andy spoke next. “Maya you look exhausted-” 

But Arizona chipped in before she could finish. “She was worrying about you. She was stressed about you! You did this!” 

Maya looked up at her.

Amelia stepped forward. “Arizona-” 

“No, she did this! If Carina hadn’t been so stressed about Maya, and then going out looking for her, she would’ve come back to mine and she could’ve been there when I needed her and-” 

No. Maya wasn’t having that. “When you needed her?! That’s what you’re angry about right now?! Not that she could’ve died, not that she’s currently undergoing a lifesaving procedure, but that you’ve got some little problem and don’t have your girlfriend to talk to?!” 

“You have no idea what I’m going through!” Arizona shouted back.

“No, and I don’t really give a fuck,” Maya pushed her out of the way and stormed off - she needed air.

Maya got outside and paced, trying to get some of her anger out. Her hands were linked on the back of her head as she walked, taking deep breaths. 

Everything was going wrong. 

Carina had been unwell. She knew that. She’d gone to her collapse at the mall, and she’d nursed her back to health, but Maya had been too wrapped up in herself tonight to see it coming. She kept running her mind back over their conversation by the lake - Carina had been pale, she’d kept touching her chest, and Maya had missed it. She hadn’t realised until it was too late. 

Her best friend who had just worked an almost double shift had been forced to come out in the middle of the night to find Maya who had been running away. Again. 

This had happened again, and it shouldn’t have. She should have pushed Carina to get more tests. She could have stopped this. 

But she didn’t.

Because she was acting like a jerk.

She kicked out at the wall, before bashing her fist against it and falling forward, her forehead eventually resting against the hard brick as tears started to fall. 

It was unclear how much time had passed when Andy approached, wrapping an arm around Maya and directing her to a nearby bench. She didn’t resist, she was too tired. Hours of running in turnouts after one hell of a callout, plus everything that had just happened… it was no surprise her body was exhausted. She was too tired to even try and stop crying. 

Andy just sat there, letting her cry, but she didn’t leave. Maya didn’t ask why she hadn’t returned with Dean - that was pretty obvious right now - and she was grateful. When she could form the right words, she’d thank her. 

Minutes passed, and eventually her tears dried up. She was still sad, she’d just run out. Her head was pounding - probably a mixture of dehydration and exhaustion. 

“Come inside, Maya. There’s a sofa in Dr Altman’s office where you can rest.” 

Maya sat up, shaking her head and wiping her face. “I can’t, I need to be-” 

Andy shook her head, “Carina will be in the lab for hours, and right now you need sleep. If there’s any news then I’ll wake you, I promise.” 

She was right, Maya knew she was right. She didn’t want to miss anything, but she was so tired…

“I don’t want to go to her office,” Maya sighed. “I can’t face Arizona right now.” 

“Maya, she’s just upset,” Andy tried to persuade her, but Maya knew that wasn’t it. She could tell there was more behind what Arizona had said - she didn’t care as much as Maya did and it made her angry.

Carina deserved better.

“I’ll go to Carina’s office,” she told her. “I can change there too, and she has a shower.” 

A small, but just noticeable, smile came on Andy’s face. “I’m not going to ask why you have spare clothes in Carina’s office…” 

Maya rolled her eyes, “I don’t, but she always has scrubs and a spare hoodie.” 

“Yeah, that doesn’t make it better,” Andy responded, but Maya ignored her. “Alright, I’ll come with you,” she opened her mouth to argue, “just to make sure you get there okay,” she added before Maya could speak. 

They walked up together. Maya ignored the looks from other staff as she walked through the OB floor - news travelled fast in this place. When they got to Carina’s office she inputted the code. It was a bittersweet feeling. Maya had never really been in here without Carina, or at least without knowing when she was coming back, but this room came with familiar comfort too.

Andy promised to call the second they had news, and then left. Maya went into Carina’s cupboard and pulled out an oversized Grey-Sloan hoodie and some of her blue scrub trousers she occasionally wore for trauma shifts. She finally took the rest of her gear off (she could only assume her turnout jacket was still in the aid car) and slipped them on.

The hoodie had Carina’s smell on it - she must have worn it recently. Maya wrapped it around herself tightly as she lay down on the sofa, the familiar scent helping her to fall asleep.

Andy’s call had woken Maya, but within seconds she had been out of the door and running down to Dr Altman’s office. When she arrived, she found Teddy standing inside with Arizona, Andrew, and Andy. 

“Can you tell us now?” Arizona asked, a hint of annoyance in her voice.

Teddy stayed professional. “As I said, Carina is out of surgery. We found the primary source of her arrhythmias with the EP study, however we made the decision to implant an internal defibrillator as the ablation does not mean she won’t have arrhythmia from another source. We implanted a subcutaneous ICD, so it’s just as effective, and cosmetically it’s less obtrusive.” 

“Is that the device that goes under the armpit?” Maya asked. She’d only read about these devices. 

“It is. There are no leads, so it’s much less invasive, and Carina doesn’t require the pacing function of a standard ICD.” 

Maya nodded, and Andrew spoke next. “When can we see her?” 

“I’ll make sure someone comes to find you as soon as she’s out of recovery, but it might be another hour or so as they still need to run final checks on the device,” she explained. “You’re welcome to stay here as long as you need.” 

“Thank you Dr Altman,” Andy spoke for them all before Teddy left.

Maya sat down on the sofa, placing her head in her hands as she tried to process the news. 

“And where the fuck were you while your best friend was in surgery for 4 hours?” Arizona asked out of the blue. 

4 hours? Maya hadn’t even noted the time in the rush to get down here. She glanced at the clock - it was almost 7am. 

“Arizona-” Andrew tried to intervene.

“No! She lectures me like that and then disappears?!” 

Maya looked up, “I was in Carina’s office, if you must know. Where do you think I got the outfit change?” she spoke with a hint of sarcasm. “I needed space.” 

“You needed- god this is a joke, right? You ran away, again, after that’s what got her in this mess in the first place?!” 

“Right, like you didn’t look at your phone every 2 seconds while Teddy was speaking to us just then?!” Maya argued back. 

She stood up now, tired of looking up at her.

“I’m waiting on a call from my ex-wife, if you must know. Not that it’s really any of your business!” 

Arizona was getting louder and fiercer with every sentence, and Maya was fed up. This was so stupid, but she wasn’t backing down. “So your ex-wife is more important than the update on your current girlfriend’s health?” 

“Exactly Maya, she’s my current girlfriend, so you need to step the fuck out of our relationship and stop acting like you know best!” 

She could have slapped her right there. She really wanted to, but in that moment she thought of Carina and what she’d be thinking if she saw them right now and instead she sat back down. “Think what you like, now isn’t the time for this. Carina needs all of us.” 

“We’ll see,” Arizona tutted but walked across the room and sat in the chair at Teddy’s desk, looking back at her phone. 

Andy sat down beside Maya. “You alright?” she asked.

Maya shrugged. “Not important right now.” 

They fell into an uncomfortable silence. Maya stared into her lap for most of it, just waiting for someone to come and tell them they could see Carina. She needed to see her. 

Except she probably wouldn’t get to be first. Andrew was Carina’s brother, Arizona was her girlfriend. Where did best friends even fit on the visitor list?

It wasn’t fair.

None of this was fair.

The silence was broken by Arizona answering her phone and then walking out of the room. Maya watched her leave. 

“ Stronza,” she muttered as the door closed behind her. 

Andrew laughed slightly from where he was standing, causing her to look over, puzzled. “I’m with you, Maya. Lei non mi piace [I don’t like her].” 

“Could’ve helped me out there,” Maya muttered. 

“Not so easy - she could play the boss card on me,” Andrew rolled his eyes. “Just know that I’m watching her closely.” 

Maya nodded, she understood he was in a difficult position. She sighed, looking down at the floor briefly and then looking back to Andrew. “I’m sorry this happened, I’m sorry I let it.” 

“It’s not your fault, Maya. None of us saw it. Carina’s stubborn, you know that,” he told her. “You saved her life out there, I’ll forever be grateful for that.” 

“But I-” 

“No, Maya,” Andy interrupted her, “he’s right. You were exhausted and drained, and yet you did CPR on your best friend for at least 5 minutes. That’s not easy for anyone, but you did it. We don’t know if this happened because she was stressed or upset, it could have happened any time. At least she wasn’t alone when it did.” 

“And Carina will tell you exactly that,” Andrew added.

They were probably right. 

“I just want to see her,” Maya spoke, fighting back tears. 

Andrew sat down on the other side of her now. “Me too, and we will - soon.” 

Maya shrugged, “Arizona will probably go before me.” 

“Not if I have anything to do with it she won’t,” he nudged her shoulder. “I’ve always liked you, Maya. I’m glad Carina found you when she arrived.” 

“Yeah well, thanks for not showing up at the airport,” she smiled slightly. 

“Worked out pretty well for all of us that did - Carina worked miracles on you, Bishop.” 

Maya rolled her eyes, “really? You never mention it.” 

Andy chuckled, “yeah well, she managed in a very short time what some of us had been trying for years, and we all know there’s a reason for that.” 

She very quickly glared up at Andy, warning her off that conversation - especially in front of Andrew. 

When Arizona came back in she did so with a doctor Maya certainly recognised - Meredith Grey. Carina had told her there was something going on between her and Andrew, so it wasn’t much of a surprise when the younger DeLuca quickly stood up and walked over to her. 

“Carina’s in a bed on the cardiology floor now. She’s stable and awake,” Meredith addressed them all. “She can have visitors, but no more than two at a time - Dr Altman’s orders.” 

“Andrew and I will go,” Arizona immediately spoke up. 

Meredith looked behind her where Arizona had stayed, still intermittently messaging on her phone. “Actually, Arizona, she’s been asking for Maya.” 

Arizona rolled her eyes, “of course she has.” 

She chose to ignore that comment, focussing on the fact Carina had asked for her. 

“Maya you should go on your own,” Andrew told her.

“No, Andrew, she’s your sister-” 

“And she’ll live without my presence for a few more minutes. Go ahead, I’ll follow shortly,” he told her. 

She gave him a grateful smile and nodded, before heading out - ignoring Arizona.

Lots of things probably should hurt, but strong painkillers were preventing that. It had been a lot to take in - the diagnosis, the defibrillator implant, the impact on her future.

She’d been awake for some of the procedure in the end, having come round from her second arrest on the way to the lab. The sedation they’d given had sent her in and out of sleep, but she had to admit it had been somewhat interesting. 

“How are you feeling?” Teddy asked, coming into the room for the first time since she’d moved from theatre recovery.

Carina adjusted in bed slightly, wincing a little at the tug from her stitches. “A little high,” she chuckled slightly. “Is Maya coming?” 

“Yes. she should be here soon,” she replied, checking Carina’s chart. “Meredith offered to go, not entirely sure why.” 

“Oh I definitely know. I take it my little brother is waiting in the same place?” 

Teddy looked up, “yes, they’re in my office… wait, are you saying that-” 

Carina nodded. 

“I did not see that one coming.” 

“Unfortunately I did,” Carina rolled her eyes. 

“Are we talking about your brother and Meredith?” Maya asked as she walked in. 

Teddy placed the chart back at the end of the bed. “We were, but I’ll give you two some time now. We are picking this conversation back up later, however,” she smiled at Carina and then left the room.

Carina wasn’t surprised that Maya rushed over once Teddy was gone, and she welcomed the gentle embrace Maya gave her before stepping back and seemingly assessing her from head to toe. Carina reached out and took her hand, “Maya I’m okay. The morphine is taking care of my pain, and thanks to you I’m alive.” 

“You were… I…” Maya suddenly looked a little panicked. Carina squeezed her hand gently to ground her. “Your heart…”

“I’m sorry you had to do that,” Carina told her. “Guess I should’ve listened to you about having more tests, huh?” Maya rolled her eyes, but Carina could see she was still fighting back tears. “Sit down Maya,” she gestured to the chair beside the bed. Maya did sit down, but Carina kept hold of her hand. “I’m okay. My condition it’s… well, it’s not great, but now with the ablation and some medication the episodes shouldn’t happen anymore, and if they do, I’ve got my new amica [friend] to sort me out. Once they take the dressing off I’ll show you.” She knew Maya liked facts and figures, and explaining it all would help. 

Maya stared at their joined hands in silence, and Carina waited. Eventually she looked up again. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I made you come out in the middle of the night to find me and I’m sorry I stressed you out. I’m sorry if that’s what caused this to happen. I fucked up and I wasn’t thinking and you deserve so much better.” She pulled her hand away from Carina’s as she spoke. “I should just get Andrew and Arizona and-” 

“No, Maya,” Carina interrupted her. “I wanted to see you alone for a reason. I knew you’d blame yourself, and it’s not your fault.” 

“But I-” 

“No! You did not cause this. I think I was already having short episodes before I came to meet you, it probably would have happened anyway,” she explained, reaching her hand out again. “I’m glad you were there. I’m not glad you had to do that, because nobody should have to do that, but I’m glad it was you that was with me.” 

It took a moment, but Maya did rejoin their hands. “I can’t lose you.” 

“You never will, bella . And now you get to look after me all over again,” Carina smiled.

“I’ll get a clipboard started later,” Maya smiled slightly. “You’re definitely okay? Not in any pain?” 

“I slightly feel like I’m floating…” 

That made her chuckle, which was the aim. “I really should let your brother and girlfriend see you now though. They’ve been worried. Can I get you anything while they’re here? I can run to the shop or-”

Honestly, Carina didn’t want her to leave. She wanted to tell Andrea and Arizona that she was fine, and then hide in this room with Maya. She could still see the pain in her best friend’s eyes - what she was going through hadn’t suddenly gone away because Carina got sick. Carina’s problems were pretty much fixed now, barring a few weeks recovery. Maya was still in pain. However, she also knew this wasn’t where Maya should be right now. “You should go home for a bit, bella . Get some sleep.” 

“I had a couple of hours on your sofa, I’ll be fine,” she shrugged. 

Carina rubbed the back of Maya’s hand with her thumb. “I’ll be okay here, I’ve got half the hospital doting on me and Andrea and Arizona are around too. You need rest. Go home, sleep for a few hours, then come and visit me this evening? Maybe bring cards for us to play? I’ll send anyone else away and we can have some us time.” 

She could tell Maya was reluctant to go, but eventually she did nod. “I’ll tell Andrew to call me if anything happens.” 

“Of course, but I’m okay now,” she promised. “Hey, come back for dinner and bring some decent food with you?” 

“I’ll get pasta from Franco’s,” Maya smiled, standing up. “I’ll see you later.” 

“You better,” Carina told her and watched her leave. 

She hated Maya leaving.

Arizona and Andrea had come up after Maya left. They’d been in the room for about an hour now, and something was really annoying Carina.

“Arizona if you don’t want to be here you don’t have to.” 

Her girlfriend had rushed in and kissed her, checking things over, but after the first few minutes she seemed to have her head buried in her phone. 

“What?” Arizona looked up. “Of course I want to be here.” 

“ Non sembra che [it doesn’t look it],” she muttered. 

“You know I don’t understand that.” 

“ È stata così per tutta la notte [she’s been like this all night],” Andrea spoke up from the other side of the bed. “ Ha urlato contro Maya. [She shouted at Maya] ” 

That got Carina’s attention. She looked over to her brother, “ perché ? Cosa ha detto? [why? What did she say?]” 

Arizona stood up, interrupting their conversation. “If you’ve got something to say, Andrew, why don’t you just say it to me in English?” 

Carina looked between the two of them, a little confused at what was going on. When she’d seen Arizona the previous evening everything had seemed fine - she’d cared about her, she’d reassured her about Maya, so what had changed? Because this was a side of her girlfriend she hadn’t seen - and she didn’t like it. 

“Fine. You know what? I was being careful because you’re my boss, but this is about my sister and her best friend and quite frankly has nothing to do with work,” Andrea started. “You’ve been dismissive all night. You’ve been rude to Maya, you’ve barely spoken to me, and you’ve had your head in your phone for most of it. I know we all cope with these things in different ways, but quite frankly the way you’ve acted towards Maya was out of order.” 

Her eyes widened at the way Andrea spoke to her girlfriend, but Carina didn’t stop it, because even the mention that Arizona might have hurt Maya had her blood boiling. 

“I don’t see you calling out Maya for disappearing for hours earlier, and then she comes back acting all high and mighty! She has no respect for our relationship,” Arizona retorted, aiming that last sentence at Carina. 

Carina shifted slightly in the bed. The latest painkiller dose was beginning to wear off, but she would worry about that in a bit. Right now, Carina was mad. “Maya is my best friend, Arizona. She cares so deeply, deeper than anyone sees, and it hurts me that you would treat her this way.” 

“She vanished for 4 hours while you were in surgery!” 

“She was sleeping, Arizona!” 

Arizona tutted. “And that makes it okay? Could you sleep while your supposed best friend is undergoing major surgery?” 

“She’d just run for hours and then performed CPR on me!” Carina argued, getting Arizona’s attention back. “She was exhausted, I’m glad she got some sleep. Stop deflecting and start telling me what you’re so obsessed with on your phone!” 

“I’ve been talking to Callie. Sofia’s flying over tonight, so we’ve been finalising all the details. She’s on the flight now, so I’m tracking it. Is that okay for you?!” 

Carina was somewhat taken aback. “Your daughter is coming to stay, and you didn’t think that was information I should know?” 

“Well I was going to tell you last night, but you were working and then Maya had your attention and then you ended up in here so I didn’t really get the chance,” she rolled her eyes. “I could’ve done with your support last night, you know.” 

“You-” Carina started to argue back, but there was a twinge in her side. “You know what? Go. Speak to your ex-wife and be with your daughter and just leave me alone.” 

“Carina-”

“No, Arizona. No. I’m clearly not your top priority right now, and I’m too angry. Just go!” 

She went to speak again, but Carina gave her a warning look. That seemed to do the trick, and Arizona picked up her coat and left. 

Now Carina really wanted Maya back.

Chapter Text

Carina was desperate to get home. She was sick of being stuck in this hospital room. Technically she could leave, but any time she did she was hounded by people asking her questions and she was sick of that too.

She’d almost got out the previous day, but then her body had let her down with a minor infection at her implant site, keeping her stuck in. To make it worse, Maya had to go to work yesterday too, so Carina had been bored out of her mind. Sure, Andrea had come and sat with her for a bit, but he mostly wouldn’t shut up about Meredith and she wasn’t in the mood for it. 

Arizona had been in a couple of times, but only briefly. Things were still frosty between them since Carina had kicked her out on the day of her operation. Carina was still waiting for an explanation, but she had yet to get one.

Someone came in to take her breakfast things away, not that she’d eaten much - hospital food wasn’t the most appetising. Still, Carina thanked them as they left with the tray and then lay back, staring up at the ceiling in impatience. 

“Knock knock.” 

The familiar voice immediately brought a smile to her face and Carina looked up to see Maya entering. “I brought cornetti ,” she smiled and placed the box down on the table by Carina’s bed. 

“ Sei fantastica , la colazione era disgustosa, [you’re amazing, breakfast was disgusting] ” she grimaced at the thought. 

“Lo so, ” Maya nodded. 

“I didn't think you'd come in so early, haven't you just finished work?” Carina asked, opening the box and picking out her cornetti, pushing it towards Maya to take one. 

Maya shrugged, “didn't really fancy going home. Plus you've complained about the food every day so thought I'd help you out,” she sat down in her usual seat beside the bed. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine. I just want to go home,” she sighed, but then took a bite of her cornetti. “This is amazing.” 

“I told Franco you were poorly and he got fresh ones for us,” she smiled proudly. Carina couldn't help but think how sweet Maya looked in that moment. “Did they say when you’ll be able to leave?” 

“Got to have IV antibiotics today and tomorrow, so maybe tomorrow night or Thursday,” she sighed. “I’m sick of being here, and yesterday was so lonely while you were at work.” 

Maya frowned, “did your brother and Arizona not visit? Or Amelia?” 

Carina shrugged, and then winced because it pulled on her wound. Maya quickly shifted into protective mode - she could see it immediately - but held a hand up to reassure her it was okay. “Andrea came, and spent the whole time talking about Meredith. That boy is infatuated. It’s cute, but I wasn’t really in the mood. Arizona…” 

“Things are still not good?” Maya asked, sitting back again.

“She’s still not explained herself. Still hasn’t really talked to me about Sofia, so I don’t know what’s going on, only that she arrived,” she sighed. “It’s just frustrating, I have no idea where I stand.” 

There wasn’t an immediate response from Maya. She looked angry, but like she was trying to hide it. Carina decided to interrupt her thoughts. “ Bella , are you okay?” 

Maya nodded, “yeah, yeah I’m okay,” she put her travel mug she’d bought with her on the table. “Shall I get the cards out?” 

Clearly she wasn’t going to spill her thoughts just now, so Carina left it and nodded. “Go on then.” 

They’d been playing for about half an hour when the door opened. Carina looked up and saw Arizona walking in, holding two cups of coffee. “Morning- oh, I didn’t realise you’d be here,” she spoke a little harshly when she noticed Maya’s presence. 

“Well, someone should be,” Maya replied sharply.

The atmosphere had shifted the second her girlfriend had arrived. “Did you want something?” Carina asked Arizona.

“I brought coffee,” she walked over, handing the cup to her. Carina thanked her, but then an uncomfortable silence fell over the room again.

This time it was Maya that broke it, suddenly shifting around in her seat. “Are you planning to be around for your girlfriend in her recovery? Or are you just going to bring coffee when it’s convenient to you?” 

“Maya-” 

“No, Carina! You deserve answers and she’s using the fact you’re in here to avoid them!” Maya stood up, once again addressing Arizona. “When we first met I told you if you upset her you’d have me to answer to - and here we are. You’ve upset Carina. So talk .” 

Arizona looked a little shell shocked, looking between the two other women in the room, before eventually giving in. “Fine. What do you want to know?” 

Maya looked to Carina. This wasn’t exactly how she’d imagined having this conversation, but her best friend had given her an in, so she might as well take it.

“How long have you known Sofia was coming?” Carina asked. 

“A few weeks. She called me asking if she could move back with me, so we’re trialling it. I swear I did want to tell you, it just never seemed like the right time. Plus you were always worried about Maya so I didn’t really feel-” 

Carina quickly held a hand up to stop her. “Are you really using that as an excuse? Are you going to blame the fact I needed to support my best friend as a reason not to tell me?” 

“Well you two are always together, aren’t you?!” she retorted. “The number of times you’ve cancelled on me because of her .” 

“You supported me in that! You told- ” Carina shook her head. “You know what? If all you’re going to do is place the blame on Maya, then you can leave.” 

Arizona seemed to consider it for a moment, but she didn’t move. “Sorry, ask me more questions.” 

Carina nodded, briefly glancing over to Maya who was now standing in the corner of the room, definitely stopping herself from saying something. “Have you told her about me?” 

Not once had Arizona introduced them on a call. If Sofia called when Carina was there, Arizona would leave the room. That hadn’t bothered Carina then, but now Sofia was here…

There was a long enough pause for Carina to deduce the answer to her question. “Well it just never came up and now she’s here I just want her to settle in first, you know? I know it’s wrong but now probably isn’t the best time for you to meet anyway…” 

She shook her head, looking down for a moment before taking a deep breath and looking back up at Arizona. “Fine. Go, look after your daughter. When you’re actually ready to have me as part of your life, come back. But until then, I’ll be fine without your help.”

“Of course you will, you’ve got her ,” Arizona muttered, but she still heard.

“‘ Her’ is actually looking after her best friend. It’s not my fault that you’re a shit girlfriend,” Maya seethed from her corner.

“Well maybe you should be her girlfriend, you sure fucking act like it,” Arizona argued back and then stormed out.

Maya quickly stepped forward. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. I can go and get her back.” 

Carina reached out a hand, which Maya took. “Please don’t. I meant what I said to her.” 

Without being asked, Maya perched on the side of the bed, using her spare hand to gently rub Carina’s upper back. “I’m sorry she’s being like that.” 

“I’m sorry she shouted at you,” Carina sighed, squeezing the hand that was still holding hers. “It’s like the arrival of her daughter has just made her a different person in this relationship, and I don’t know how I feel about it…” 

“Right now you just need to focus on yourself,” Maya told her. “Let’s get you better and home, Arizona is a problem for another day. I can help you out when you go home, and Andrew will too.” 

Carina nodded, leaning into Maya, exhaustion from the argument taking hold. Maya shifted, sitting more on the bed so she could support Carina. 

“Rest now, I’ll stay.” 

She hummed, and shut her eyes. She felt safe here.

Maya was driving her up the wall.

Carina had been home for a few days now, and she was mostly okay - the recovery from her procedure was faster than most people realised, but there was no telling Maya that. She wasn’t letting Carina do anything .

She’d basically moved in, not having really left Carina’s place since they had got back except for running errands, which was where she was now - picking up groceries.

Taking advantage of the alone time, Carina decided to cook up some lunch for them with what remained in the house. She had enough for a simple pasta dish, so started chopping tomatoes, humming along to the music she’d put on as she did. 

All in all she was feeling okay. Her chest still hurt - there were a couple of small rib fractures from the CPR, but with pain relief it was pretty much under control. If it wasn’t for that, and occasionally feeling the new device under her skin, you would barely know anything had happened.

Once the tomatoes were chopped, she put the pan on the hob and started to heat it while she prepared some other vegetables. 

“Carina! What are you doing?!” 

She’d missed Maya coming home. She was quicker than Carina had expected, annoyingly. “I’m cooking,” she replied, moving the vegetables into the pan. “I can cook, Maya.” 

“I know you can, but you shouldn’t!” She pulled the chopping board and knife from Carina’s hands. “Sit, I can finish this.” 

Carina rolled her eyes. “Can you? What exactly am I making?” 

“Well, I-” 

“Maya just let me cook! I’m allowed to move around, I’m okay. I would be fine on my own. I appreciate you being here, I do appreciate you helping, but you need to let me do something other than sit on the sofa or lie in bed - that’s not going to help me recover,” she sighed and grabbed a wooden spoon to stir the vegetables. “If you want to help you can start cooking the pappardelle,” she gestured to the pasta she’d got out. 

Maya huffed, but did eventually move and start cooking the pasta. Carina kept her focus on the sauce, grabbing more things she needed as she went. She didn’t miss the concerned looks Maya was giving her constantly, but neither of them said anything.

When the food was ready, she dished it up, and Maya immediately went in to grab the bowls. “Maya I can carry my own food!” 

“You shouldn’t be pushing it, Carina!” Maya argued back.

Carina stepped back, holding her hands up. “Fine, have it your way. You’re suffocating me Maya, I’m going to my room,” she walked away, leaving the bowls on the side.

If it wasn’t for her stitches she’d have thrown herself down on the bed. Instead she settled for laying down carefully and staring at the ceiling in annoyance. She hated this. She didn’t want to fall out with Maya, but it was too much now.

A couple of minutes later there was a knock on the door, before a quiet voice. “Can I come in?” 

Her immediate thought was no, but something about Maya’s voice made her respond in the alternative. 

Maya walked in holding both bowls of pasta. “You should still eat,” she replied, handing the bowl over once Carina was sitting up. “I’ll… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, I just- I thought I lost you and I don’t want it to happen again. I’m scared, I guess. But I’ll leave you to eat.” 

She went to leave, but Carina called after her. “Stay,” she told her, “let’s eat and talk.”

There was a small nod from her friend who joined Carina on the bed. 

They started eating, and Carina gave it a few moments before she addressed the elephant in the room. “You have been a little over the top, bella , but I do understand. What happened to me, nobody should have to see their best friend like that. You shouldn’t have had to do that, and I’m sorry, but you can’t wrap me in cotton wool, Maya.” 

Maya nodded, twisting pasta on her fork but not picking any up for now. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been a lot. I called work before I came in, I’m going in for my shift tomorrow - give you a break. Plus I think maybe I need to get out for a bit, back to some kind of normality. Captain benched me for 2 shifts anyway so I’ll just be on desk duty, but it’ll still be a break.” 

“I think that’ll be good for you,” Carina reassured her. “But Maya, have you considered seeing a therapist?” 

“I actually don’t have a choice,” she muttered, staring at her pasta. Carina was confused, but let her continue. “Because of what happened, they’re making me see an SFD therapist before I return to the truck.” 

“That’s good Maya, it’s important,” she reassured her.

Maya sighed, “but that’s to talk about the mess with my Dad and all that shit that happened before, not what you want me to talk about.” 

“I don’t think there’s any rules to what you speak about in therapy. And I want you to talk about whatever you need to,” Carina put her left hand on Maya’s right which was still twirling pasta. She stilled it. “We’ll come out the other side together. I promise you, bella .” 

The blonde looked up at her finally, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Probably starve,” Carina smiled, letting go of her hand. “Eat your pasta, then we’ll watch a movie.” 

Maya hated leaving Carina that morning. She’d still been asleep, but she wasn’t about to wake her just to say goodbye. 

They’d been over everything the previous evening - Carina was set, and Maya was happy she had everything for the next 24 hours. They promised to check in with each other, and Maya promised to attend and not avoid the therapist. She’d been at work for less than 2 hours and was already sick of the desk, so for that reason if nothing else - she would speak to them. 

Andy came down holding coffee, placing the mug on the desk in front of Maya and sitting down in the chair beside her. “How’s desk life treating you?” 

Maya shrugged, “people are annoying.” 

Almost choking on her coffee as she laughed, Andy sat forward. “Sorry, caught me off guard with that one.” 

“I mean, it’s just a fact. They call in with the most ridiculous questions. You know, someone called just now and asked me what hours we’re open? Sure Janet, we fight fires only between the hours of 9 and 5 on a weekday.” Maya rolled her eyes and picked up her coffee. “But I’ll put up with it - it’s probably better than what I deserve.” 

Andy glanced towards Sullivan’s office. “He wanted to suspend you fully at first,” she said quietly. That got Maya’s attention. She looked over to the office and then back to Andy, who continued explaining. “After I’d handed Emma’s baby over to the med team, when you went radio silent, he started ranting to me about it, saying he was going to suspend you the second you got out.” 

“What changed his mind?” Maya asked, although she had a fair idea. 

“I got angry,” Andy replied, very matter of fact. “I could see what he couldn’t. I pointed out he’d be stupid to lose such a good firefighter and that he should help you not throw you out.” 

“Hence the therapy.” 

Andy raised an eyebrow, “I thought you’d be angry.” 

“About what? You saved my job,” Maya sipped at her coffee. “And I’ve been an ass, I owe you thanks, not anger.” 

Maya could understand Andy’s hesitation, but she didn’t have the energy to fight anymore. She wanted to get back to work, she needed the distraction of it all. She needed to look after Carina, but she also needed her life back.

“I’ll take that,” Andy smiled. “So how’s Carina doing?” 

She briefly glanced at her phone on the desk which was still empty of messages. “Still asleep, I think. She’s… well, she’s alright really. I’ve been a little overprotective I think. We argued yesterday, that’s why I’m back actually - we both needed space.” 

Andy gave an understanding smile, “you care a lot about her.” 

“Of course I do, she’s…” Maya sighed, “she’s been through so much. And Arizona is being a jerk to add to it all. I just want to support her, she deserves that.” 

“How are those feelings we talked about before?” Andy asked. Maya could see the caution in her question. “Because watching her die, that must have made you think about things?” 

Truth be told, it had been on her mind constantly. She was in a constant conflict over how she felt about Carina. But she’d watched her best friend die - of course she would be overprotective. That’s all it was - right? 

Except there was the Arizona thing, and if she was honest, Maya was rooting for her to be out of Carina’s life. She wanted her gone, she was sick of her being there - always interfering. And she had upset Carina.

That was unforgivable. 

“It’s not important right now,” Maya shrugged. “We’ve both got things to focus on.” 

Thankfully, Andy didn’t push any further on that. Partly because the call went out. “See you later, don’t break anything!” 

Maya shook her head at the pointless statement, watching as her team ran by and the full quota of vehicles left the barn. 

The knock at the door was a surprise. Carina wasn’t expecting anyone. Maya and Andrea were both at work, and also both had keys - although granted her stupid little brother did regularly forget his when he visited. 

She got up from the sofa, pausing the Italian soap she had on and opening the door to find Amelia on the other side holding a few (non-alcoholic) beer bottles and a takeout bag from the local Thai place. 

“Did I forget something?” Carina asked, racking her brain to try and remember if they'd arranged to meet. 

“Nope, but I was bored and I figured you would be too,” she shrugged.

Carina narrowed her eyes, “did Maya contact you?”

“As much as I wish I had firefighter Barbie's number, I do not. Can I not just want to hang out with my friend?”

“ Sì , of course. Sorry, come in,” Carina moved out of the way. “I didn't mean it that way. Maya has just been… a little overbearing at times.” 

“Well that’s not exactly a surprise,” Amelia commented casually as she walked in. 

That confused her. “What do you mean?”

Amelia walked into the kitchen, placing the bag of food down on the counter and immediately going in search of plates without asking. “Well just the way she was in the hospital, the way she reacted to what happened,” she shrugged, finally finding the right cupboard getting plates out. “She was far more worried than your actual girlfriend, you know?”

Deciding it was easier to just let Amelia do what she was doing, Carina didn't question her actions and just continued the conversation. “I can't say that's the most surprising news I've heard.”

That comment made Amelia look up, briefly pausing dishing out the food. “Oh? Is all not well in paradise?” 

Carina sighed, perching on the edge of one of the stools, “I just… she’s been off since the day of my accident. Not because of it. Like you said, she didn’t really seem quite as bothered as she should. She was distracted because of Sofia coming to stay, and I understand her daughter is important, but she was just using it as an excuse. Plus she really upset Maya while I was in surgery, according to Andrea.” 

Once the food was dished, Amelia opened the beers and then handed Carina her stuff. “Damn, I’m sorry. Where did you leave things?” 

“We had a big argument. Actually we’ve had a couple, and the last one she started insulting Maya as well,” Carina shook her head. “I don’t know if I can let it go.” 

“Which bit?” Amelia asked, walking through to the lounge and making herself comfortable.

Carina followed, apparently they were eating on the sofa. “Any of it? But especially if she can’t accept Maya. She can have a go at me all she likes, but that was unnecessary. She suggested to Maya she should be my girlfriend,” Carina scoffed.

Amelia was mid-sip of beer when Carina spoke, and almost choked, having to cough a little to recover. 

“I know, ridiculous!” Carina said before she started eating. 

Amelia shook her head, “that is not why I was shocked, Carina. Do you not think Arizona has a point?” 

“I- what? No! She was being rude and mean.” 

“Maybe so, but Carina, do you really not have feelings for Maya?” she asked. 

Quickly finishing her mouthful, Carina replied in shock. “She’s my best friend, Amelia!” 

“Absolutely, but do you seriously not see it?” 

“See what?! ” 

“Oh my dear sweet Italian friend, you are so in love with that woman.” 

Carina couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. What was Amelia on about? Why was she agreeing with Arizona? She couldn’t possibly think about Maya that way, that wasn’t what their relationship was! Sure, they were closer than some. They just had a very tactile friendship, which maybe didn’t make sense to some people, but that was just how things had always been. Maya was her rock, and had been since her arrival in Seattle. She knew Carina inside out, always knew when she needed support. Sometimes she knew before Carina even knew herself, turning up at her door with chocolate, pastries, and wine. Maya had even learned a pretty good amount of Italian already, just for her. 

Maya was special.

She loved everything about her. 

She was never happier than when Maya was there. The feeling inside her was like nothing else. If she even considered a life without Maya, that hurt . She wanted a life with Maya, she wanted to share everything with her.

Oh.

Putting her fork down, Carina moved her plate onto the coffee table and stood up. “No. No! I’m not, I can’t be, that would- no! We’re friends, we’re best friends. If I have feelings I could ruin everything and I can’t lose her, Amelia. I can’t!” 

Amelia put her own food down and got up, walking over to Carina. “Hey, calm it,” she stood in front of her. “I’m not telling you to go and declare your undying love for her right now. I’m just saying, maybe you need to think about where you stand. And for what it’s worth, I think you’d be a great pair. Even if that does mean Maya isn’t single anymore.” 

This was a lot. Too much, really. 

“Can we just… not talk about it anymore?” 

“Sure, it’s not why I came anyway, I need to rant about interns,” Amelia shrugged and went to sit herself back down, launching into a story about work.

The following morning, Carina woke early. She knew Maya would be back soon, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about that.

She reached out and found her phone in the darkness.

Maya: 4 alarm. They've called me off the bench. Will be late.

Carina’s heart rate immediately shot up. 

There was a second message.

Maya: Sempre.

Tears immediately pricked at her eyes. Of course Maya had sent her half of their little promise, even if Carina hadn’t asked her to be careful. Maya was thoughtful like that, she cared. She knew Carina would worry, and she did her best with the little time she had to help.

The message had been sent only 2 hours ago, so there was no chance of Maya being home anytime soon.

In theory this allowed Carina more time to figure out what her next move was. Her conversation with Amelia had sparked a dream where she and Maya had been on a date, and ended in a dream kiss that had woken Carina with quite the start around 2am. Sleep had been intermittent since that, because quite honestly she had no idea what her next move was.

She definitely had feelings for Maya, but that was terrifying. It could ruin everything. Maya was her best friend, if she lost her… 

And right now her best friend was in the middle of a fire somewhere. 

This was a mess. An awful mess.

Carina wanted to curse Amelia. Why did she have to open her eyes to this?! 

In frustration, she threw the covers off and went to the shower, needing to try and get her mind off everything. 

It wasn't overly successful, however, as her mind drifted in the shower. She thought about Maya in the fire, worrying about potential injuries. If it was bad enough for Sullivan to lift her benching, then it must be a big fire, maybe even 5 alarm by now. 

But then she thought about Maya coming back to her place, and how she wanted to look after her. She wanted to always be Maya's safe place, to look after her when she came home from a tough shift. 

Carina had looked after her best friend multiple times after a rough call, but now she wanted it to be different. She thought about kissing the pain away, holding Maya while she slept, calling into work so she could care for her in their home.

She wanted it, and she hated herself for that. It could ruin everything. 

Once she was out of the shower, she threw on some comfortable clothes and made her way into the kitchen. 

“ Buongiorno, sorella .” 

Carina almost jumped out of her skin, clutching her chest. “Andrea! You can't scare me like that!” 

He suddenly looked concerned, “ cazzo , sorry, are you okay?”

“ Sì , but next time maybe tell me you're going to break in before you do?!” she shook her head at him. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

He suddenly looked a little sheepish, “I uh- I saw a couple of Maya's team in the ER dropping a patient off, they mentioned Maya had been called off the bench, I figured you might want company,” he shrugged. “I brought cornetti and espresso,” he gestured towards the bags on the counter. 

Carina couldn't help but smile as little at that. “You didn't have to do this. I'm surprised you were able to leave the hospital, but if you're finished surely you should go home and rest?”

Her brother pushed the espresso cup over to her and picked up his own. “I hit my hours limit, Bailey made me leave, but I figured if I can't help there I can at least keep you company while you wait to hear from Maya.” 

“Grazie fratellino,” she nodded before sipping her espresso. “Mmm, perfetto.”

Andrea smiled, “no problem. Have you heard from Maya at all?”

“Not since she got called in,” she sighed. “We do this little exchange usually, before she goes to work. I say stai attenta , and she responds with sempre . But we didn't do it yesterday. I was still asleep when she left, and I don't think either of us thought it was required for her to sit at a desk,” Carina sighed. “When she sent me the text about being called in she added sempre on the end.”

“She knows you worry,” he placed a hand on her shoulder. “She’ll be alright.” 

Carina leant her head down onto her brother's hand for a moment. “Thank you for coming.” 

“It's no bother. Now eat, I don't want Maya telling me off for not looking after you when she gets back.”

“Aww fratellino , are you scared of the tiny blonde firefighter?” Carina teased. 

“Don't laugh at me, she's terrifying!” 

Carina chuckled, “Maya’s a softie really.” 

Andrea hummed disapprovingly, “sure, to you maybe.” 

“You just need to get on her good side,” she shrugged before biting into the cornetti . “Mmm, perfetto. Good work, little brother.” 

They both ate together, but Carina couldn’t hold back the question anymore. “What did you hear about the fire?” 

Andrea brushed the crumbs off his hands before replying. “Factory fire, not many workers inside as it was overnight but they have a handful of night workers. Limited casualties, although the ER was busy as a result. Some teenagers were injured just outside - the police were with them. From what I heard they were mucking about nearby and it got out of control, then hit the factory which went up quite dramatically.” 

“ Stupidi adolescenti! Don’t they know they’re putting people’s lives in danger?! Giuro, se succede qualcosa a Maya per colpa loro… [I swear, if something happens to Maya and it's their fault)”  

“What exactly do you plan on doing to them? The police will handle them, Carina,” Andrea put a hand on her shoulder. “And Maya will be fine.” 

“I hope you’re right,” Carina stared down at the table.

Andrea started clearing up around her, while she continued to watch her phone as if it would give her all the answers. Time seemed to be passing so slowly.

They moved to the lounge. Andrea started talking about a surgery he’d done with Meredith the day before, so Carina let him talk. She was listening, sort of, but one eye was still on her phone permanently just in case. 

When she heard the sound of the key in the lock, Carina jumped up. There hadn’t been any messages, but sure enough Maya walked in. She’d definitely showered at the station, but she looked tired. She rushed over, checking her over quickly.

“I’m fine, everything’s good. Fire’s under control, my phone died - sorry. I’m exhausted though, fancy a nap?” 

Everything in her screamed yes, but she took a step back instead. “No, I’m fine, you go and rest though.” 

Maya looked surprised, “oh. Sure. Are you okay though?” 

“All good, managed to look after myself. Andrea’s here, we might go out, so don’t be surprised if the place is empty when you wake up,” she shrugged and walked back to sit on the sofa. 

Thankfully, Maya didn’t question anything - likely due to the aforementioned exhaustion, and she disappeared to the bedroom.

“We’re going out?” Andrea asked when Maya was clear.

“ Sí , we are. I need to get out of this place,” she told him. “ Andiamo. ” 

Maya woke up, and as suggested - the place was empty. Her stomach was growling, so she quickly found some food and made a coffee.

Carina’s reaction had confused her. At first she seemed her usual concerned self, but as soon as Maya had told her she was fine, it’s like a switch went. She backed off, didn’t want to lie down with her, and insisted on leaving the house.

It was nothing, right? Maya was just seeing things.

They were fine.

Surely?

They’d been fine before she left for work, Maya didn’t really know what could’ve changed in that time. 

She used the time alone to tidy up and clean - doing her best to take her mind off what was going on.

It did a pretty good job, until she heard the door open. Maya immediately felt herself tense, unsure what was about to happen.

Carina arrived home alone, just after 4pm. Maya was in the kitchen, having started on cleaning the oven in her mission to keep distracted. 

“Oh, you’re still here.” 

Maya looked up, confused. “Why wouldn’t I be?” 

“Well you’ve seen I’m okay on my own, surely you need to get back to your own apartment now?” Carina asked, putting a few groceries away that she must have picked up while out. 

“I-” Maya stood up, putting the cleaning things down. “Carina, what’s going on? I thought we were okay now.” 

“We are okay, we’re fine, I’m just saying you don’t need to be staying here anymore,” she replied, and it felt harsh. 

Maya felt a mix of emotions bubbling up inside her. “Carina, what’s going on? Why are you pushing me out?” 

“I’m not pushing you out, Maya! I just want my space back!” 

Carina was barely looking at her, and Maya couldn’t make sense of it. “I don’t understand?” 

“It’s not hard, you just need to go home. Focus on getting yourself back to work, stop trying to distract yourself by moving into my world.” 

Every word stung. 

Maya walked into the bedroom, grabbing a few bits, she didn’t even bother to make sure she had everything - she didn’t really care. She felt so numb at that moment, so lost and confused. Everything had been fine, and now it was like a switch had flicked. She had to pause briefly, leaning against the bedside table and taking a deep breath in, sucking in the tears. She needed to get out now, because she wasn’t going to hold it together much longer.

Walking back out, she saw Carina standing in the living room, almost as if she was waiting to watch her leave. “Are we doing lunch tomorrow…?” she asked tentatively.

“Probably not.” 

“Right, okay,” she opened the front door and started to leave.

“Can you leave your key?” 

Now that felt like a stab to the chest. She couldn’t even turn around to look Carina in the eye, because Maya was barely holding it together right now. None of this made sense, she couldn’t understand where it had come from, but clearly she wasn’t going to get any answers. 

She reached into her pocket, pulling out her keys and removing the fob and key for Carina’s place, leaving them on the side before walking out, not looking back.

Only once she’d made it back through her front door did Maya allow herself to break, and she did break - hard.

Chapter Text

It had been 2 weeks since she’d last spoken to Maya. Every day Maya would send her a single text asking if they could talk, but Carina had yet to reply, and she hated it. 

She missed her. She missed her best friend. She missed the person who could make her feel better with a single hug. 

But she couldn’t do it.

The stupid thing was, she’d caused what she’d feared in the first place - she’d lost Maya because of these feelings. Not in the way she’d expected, but it’s how it had turned out. 

Andrew had given her a lift into work this morning. He’d asked what was wrong, but Carina hadn’t really responded. He knew something had happened with Maya, but that was about it, and Carina didn’t want to discuss it with anyone, but especially her brother.

It was her first day back, and she was really hoping work would take her mind off everything. She was purely in OB for a while anyway, to ease her back in without any trauma shifts, so there was little chance of running into Maya or anyone from 19. Unfortunately, it didn’t stop her running into Amelia who was standing outside of her office.

“What do you want, Dr Shepherd?” Carina asked, unlocking her door.

“Oh the official title, you wound me. What’s going on, Deluca? You’ve been ignoring me.” 

Yes. For a reason.

Carina walked into her office, leaving the door for Amelia. “I’ve been busy.” 

“Ooooo did you speak to Maya? Have you been hiding in a little love bubble?” 

Angrily placing her bag down, Carina looked up to the neurosurgeon. “No, Amelia, I haven’t, because you made me overthink about things and then I messed it all up and kicked her out and we haven’t spoken since!” 

“Oh-” 

“Yes! Oh! And now everything is a mess!” 

“So she’s ignoring you?” Amelia asked, shutting the door behind her.

Carina looked down at her bag on her desk, shaking her head.

“You’re ignoring her…? Carina! Why?!” 

She looked back up and immediately pointed a finger at Amelia, stepping towards her. “Because you fucked up everything! We were fine! If you hadn’t made me realise, we’d still be fine!” 

Seemingly unbothered by the Italian’s outburst, Amelia responded to her. “No, Carina, this isn’t my fault. You’d have realised eventually. This just isn’t the way to handle it - you need to talk to her. By rights she should be ignoring you, not the other way around!” 

“I know! But it’s too late now,” she told her. Before Amelia could reply, Carina’s phone started ringing. “I have to take this, I’m sure you have work to do.” 

“This isn’t over,” Amelia told her, leaving as Carina answered. 

“ Ciao tesoro,” Gabriella spoke as she answered. “ Come stai? ” 

“ Sto [I am]”, she replied quickly - probably too quickly.

Gabriella clearly caught on, as she switched to English - which usually meant she was getting serious. “That was not very convincing. What is going on?” 

“Nothing, I’m just busy, I have patients to see,” she told her, putting the phone on speaker so she could change into her white coat. “What did you want?” 

“To wish you luck on your first day back,” Gabriella replied.

Carina scoffed. “Sure. What did you really want?” 

She knew Gabriella well enough to know she did not just call on a random Wednesday for a chat. “ Allora , I might have an offer for you.” 

“What sort of offer?” Carina asked, sitting down at her desk and logging on to her laptop to check her emails. 

“Our OB chief has to leave next week, something about a family emergency back home in the Philippines, so they need a replacement asap, at the moment just for 3 months,” she explained. “And I wasn’t going to ask you, but then Andrea messaged me to say you were fighting with your girlfriend and your best friend and I thought maybe you’d want an escape for a bit.”

She wasn’t entirely sure what to respond to first in all of that. Her initial thoughts were just to scream at Gabriella, hang up, and then go and scream at Andrea, but she paused. Maybe getting away for a few months was what she needed. A fresh start. An escape from this whole mess of feelings and emotions. 3 months to reset and then she could come back and get her life back to normal.

“What did my stupid brother tell you? Deve imparare a stare zitto [He needs to learn to shut up.]”

Her friend laughed at her reaction. “He’s worried about you, tesoro, he said you’re acting weird and asked if I could get through to you.” 

“And you decided asking me to move to Italy for 3 months was the way to do that?” she questioned. “You know that by me doing what you ask, I’d be leaving Grey-Sloan with the same problem?” 

“I do, but I’m asking this to help you, not to help the hospital. OB isn’t exactly my department, I don’t really care if they have a chief or not, but I do care if my friend needs a break. If you say no, I will tell them no, but I really think you should consider it. You need to put yourself first, tesoro .” 

Carina sighed, “ lo so [I know], I just… can I get back to you? You’ll have an answer before my shift ends, prometto [I promise].” 

“ Sí, call me when you’re ready, whatever the time,” Gabriella replied. “Is there anything else you want to talk about?” 

“ Non adesso , devo lavorare [not now, I have to work].” 

“ Okay ma questa conversazione non è finita. [Alright, but this conversation isn’t over],”

“Quanto vorrei che la gente smettesse di dirmi così [I wish people would stop saying that],” Carina muttered. “Ciao Gabri.” 

She hung up, leaning back in her chair. She had a lot to think about, but first: coffee and rounds.

Carina loved her job, and she loved Grey-Sloan. It was chaotic, to say the least, but she did adore it here. 

But she still couldn’t stop thinking about Gabri’s offer.

She was still thinking about it when she bumped into Arizona - literally. 

“Shit- sorry,” Arizona apologised. “I was actually on my way to find you…” 

“I’m busy, Dr Robbins,” Carina snapped. 

“I know, but it’s been a couple of weeks and we need to talk about what’s going on with us.” 

She couldn’t help but laugh slightly. “Really? Now you want to talk? You’ve barely contacted me since I was discharged! You haven’t been there for me at all. And yes, I know you need to look after your daughter, but I’m meant to be your girlfriend, Arizona, and you’ve been no support at all. But now I’m back at work, now I don’t need the help, now you want me back in your life?” 

“Well I just-” 

“No, Arizona, no you don’t. And you don’t need to worry, I won’t be around after this week anyway. I’m going to Milan for 3 months.” 

The words had left her mouth before she’d even considered them. Apparently she’d just subconsciously made the decision. 

Arizona was staring at her, a look of shock on her face. “You’re- what? Were you not going to tell me?” 

“Like you told me about your big life changing decision?” Carina rolled her eyes. “Focus on Sofia. We’re over, Arizona, and I think you already knew that. And for crying out loud please don’t tell anyone else, I’d quite like to do that myself.” 

With that, she walked off, leaving Arizona stunned in the corridor. Suddenly, Carina had a lot to do, and the first stop was Chief Bailey’s office.

She was just about to knock when she suddenly panicked and started pacing outside the room instead. She hadn’t prepared for this at all, in fact when she’d walked into work this morning she had no idea this was even a possibility. But maybe, just maybe, making these decisions quickly was the right thing to do.

“Are you just going to walk around out here, Dr DeLuca?” 

Miranda Bailey’s voice startled her, and she quickly spun around. “Oh, I didn’t realise you’d seen me.” 

“Well I did give you ten minutes before I came to the door, but I was starting to get concerned. Is everything alright?” She asked.

That was too deep a question to go into in a corridor.. “I- we should go inside your office.”

Thankfully, the chief moved to allow her inside and then shut the door behind them. “So, am I right to be concerned?” she asked, moving to sit back at her desk, and gesturing to Carina to sit opposite. 

Carina sighed, she might as well get straight to it. “I need to take a sabbatical. Starting next week.” 

“Next week?! That’s hardly a lot of notice,” Miranda sat up a little more in her seat.

“I know, and I’m really sorry, I only got the offer this morning. My old hospital in Milan need an urgent chief of OB cover for 3 months, and… well I really need a break from this country,” she sighed. “I’ll do my best to find you a good cover, I have a couple of ideas,” she told her. “I know you can refuse, but I-” Carina sighed, “I really need this.” 

Her boss’ face softened a little, clearly seeing how much she meant it. “You think you can find us a replacement while you’re gone?” 

“I hope so, yes,” she told her. 

“And is there anything at work that’s causing you to need this break? I know you’ve only just come back. If you need more time, or-” 

Carina held a hand up, “it’s not the hospital, Chief Bailey. I assure you. I really do enjoy working here, and I’m very grateful for you offering me the job. I have every intention to return.” 

Chief Bailey nodded, “alright then. I will also look into temporary cover, but I’ll organise the paperwork and email you.” 

“Thank you, chief, I really appreciate it. And if you could keep this to yourself for now, I haven’t actually told anyone yet,” she stood up.

“My lips are sealed… but do you really mean anyone?” she asked. 

Carina sighed, placing a hand on the back of the chair as she stood behind it. “I only got the call this morning. Andrea would have tried to talk me out of it, so I wanted to make the decision alone. Arizona knows. We… well, we just broke up actually - she has other priorities.” 

“And Maya?” 

She knew Miranda would know something about Maya from Ben, so there was no point pretending everything was okay. “I think it’s best for both of us that I take a break from our friendship. Maya needs to move on, and I’m not the person to help.” 

“Carina…” 

“No, please, I’ve made my decision. I’ll get back to you soon,” she told her, leaving the office.

Maya jumped out of the truck as they arrived back from their third call of the shift. It had been busy so far, and she was glad of it. 

“Good work out there Bishop, nice to see you back,” Sullivan called to her.

“Thank you Captain,” she replied, shedding her turnouts. Clearly her efforts to impress him were working well. She needed to gain back the trust of her team. 

Dean called out something about making food, and most people disappeared upstairs. Maya leant against the side of the truck, taking a deep breath with her eyes closed. She was exhausted. 

“Maya?” Andy’s voice brought her out of the moment. She opened her eyes again, looking over at her. “You might be fooling the rest of the team, but I know you’re still struggling. Have you heard from Carina?” 

“I don’t want to talk about it, Andy. I just want to focus on getting back into everyone’s good books. I’ve fucked up enough at work recently.” 

Andy took a few steps closer, her hands in her pockets. “I guess that’s a no then?” 

“Look, she said some shitty stuff, Andy. Maybe I don’t want to talk to her,” she shrugged, unsure who she was trying to convince of that lie. 

She missed Carina so much it hurt. However hard she tried she couldn’t make sense of what had happened, and the couple of people she’d tried to get answers from weren’t any help. Maya was losing hope now, and she didn’t quite know what to do next, but focussing on work was helping. Maybe she needed to go back to being the Maya from before their friendship, just without the shit from her Dad.

Andy removed a hand from her pocket and placed it on Maya’s shoulder. “Well I’m here when you want to talk. I’m not here to judge, Maya, I’m just here to be your friend.” 

Before Maya could respond they were interrupted. “Lieutenant Bishop! There you are.”

Maya shuffled away from Andy's touch. “Sorry Dr Lewis, I didn't intentionally stand you up,” Maya vaguely gestured towards the vehicles.

“I'm aware, but I have time now if you're free,” Diane smiled. “I've permission to use the Battalion Chief's office.

She opened her mouth to make excuses, but then stopped herself. She was doing these sessions to get herself back so she could be her best self at work. “I'll just go and change quickly and meet you there?” 

Maybe Maya had taken a little longer to change than was necessary, but she did eventually make it to the Chief's office, knocking on the door.

Once inside, she sat down opposite Diane, immediately starting to fidget with her fingers. Diane Lewis had an incredible habit of making Maya so nervous. 

“So how are you doing back in the field?” Diane asked. 

“Alright, I guess. I thought everyone would be weird with me but… it's kinda just back to normal.”

Diane nodded. “What made you think people would be different?” 

Maya shrugged, “maybe the fact I ran away from them and disappeared in full uniform? Or the fact I was benched mid shift?”

“What about the fact they were so concerned they were looking for you? Or how much they welcomed you back when you were on desk duty? This team care about you, Maya,” Diane told her. It was something they'd already discussed in previous sessions. “How's Carina doing?”

She immediately stiffened. “Can we talk about something else?”

“You avoided the topic last week too, is she not okay?” 

Maya sighed. “No, she's fine, I think. I just wouldn't really know.” 

There was a small shift in Diane’s posture. “Has something happened between you two?”

Where was she even meant to start with that? “I guess so.” 

“You’re not sure?” 

She scoffed, because no - she wasn’t sure. Yes, something had happened, but what? That she had no idea. And the whole thing was a mess. 

But if there was anywhere to talk about it…

Diane was giving her signature comforting look. Maybe in her new quest to better herself she could open up a little more. 

“I don’t know what happened. It feels like we’ve been off for a while. I got a little overprotective after everything that happened - and not just the other week, before that too, when she collapsed. But we talked about that, and I thought things were fine, but then a couple of weeks ago - after that shift where I got pulled into the 4 alarm - I went back to her place and she just…” Maya stopped, looking down and taking a deep breath. Once again she could feel the anger and sadness building, as it did every time she thought about it. 

This is why she needed distraction. 

Meanwhile, Diane was just patiently waiting for her to continue. Maya composed herself and looked back up. “Well first she went out with Andrea while I slept, but when she came back she kicked me out, got me to give my key to her place back, and hasn’t spoken to me since. And I don’t know why.” 

“That must be difficult. How are you feeling about that?” 

“I don’t know. It’s like… a mix of things. I’m angry, a little, but mostly I’m just sad and worried. Carina isn’t like this, I know something must have happened to cause this, but nobody knows - or at least nobody is telling me. She’s not talking to me, so I can’t get any answers, and I just feel like I’m in some weird limbo.” 

Diane nodded, “that’s all very understandable.” 

“Is it? Shouldn’t I be more angry?” Maya asked. “I feel like I’m doing it wrong, like I’m letting my feelings cloud my judgement.” 

The therapist sat forward. “I think your feelings are valid, whatever they may be. What we should really be appreciating is that you are learning to assess how you feel better here. You’ve come a long way in just a few weeks, Maya.” 

“I’m still focusing on work a lot though,” she shrugged.

“You love your job, wanting to do well is perfectly understandable. There’s a difference between working hard and working too hard, and I can see you’re trying to find that balance. It’s not easy to get over something that’s been drilled into you for years, Maya, but you’re trying. I can’t imagine it’s easy when you’re dealing with a lot in your personal life as well.” 

She hadn’t really thought about that.

Damn Diane and her clever words.

“I don’t have an answer to your friendship with Carina. I can see, anyone can see, that she means a lot to you. I’m not going to ask you to go into that, unless you want to, but I think you’re doing the right thing focusing on yourself right now.” 

Maya could feel herself tearing up. She turned away from Diane, trying to stop it. When that didn’t work, she stood up and walked towards the door. Not leaving the room, just trying to control her emotions. 

She hated this. She hated seeming weak. Weakness was-

Her thoughts quickly paused when she realised where that was going. It was him talking, and Maya was not going to let him in.

Without turning back, she spoke. “When I was younger I used to fly a lot for track meets. It was a lot, on top of school too, and I was often exhausted. Sometimes I’d look out of the window and see the clouds, and I’d think how nice it would be to just escape and lie down in them, away from everything. They looked so comfortable, so welcoming, like everything would just go away,” she paused, wiping at her cheeks. “I hadn’t thought about them for a long time, until recently, until…” she let out a slightly frustrated noise as the tears stopped her from being able to speak briefly. “I realised that Carina stopped me from needing the clouds.” 

That was it. That last sentence was all she could manage. Maya gave in, leaning against the wall and lowering herself down. 

Diane stood up, walking around the desk and sitting in the chair that Maya had abandoned to be a little closer, but not overwhelming her. “You have some big feelings towards Carina, I can see that. I don’t have all the answers. If Carina isn’t talking to you, there’s not much you can do. Friendships are complicated, romantic relationships even more so, and things don’t always go the way we’d like.” 

Maya nodded a little, her face hidden within her arms which had curled around her knees. 

“Maya, I have to ask. These thoughts about the clouds…” 

Her head whipped up quickly, “no, it’s not- it’s not like that. It’s just thoughts, nothing more.” 

“Alright,” she reached back for a tissue and handed it over. “If you’re agreeable, I think we should stop for today, but I also think you need to take some time before going back to your shift.” 

She was too tired to argue, and if she was honest the thought of facing her colleagues right now was humiliating. 

Maya wiped at her eyes with the tissue and slowly got to her feet. 

“I think you should rest for a while. Head to your bunk. I'll speak to Sullivan and get you signed off for a couple of hours if you're agreeable?” 

“Thanks,” she ran a hand through her hair, pulling out her ponytail as her head was throbbing. “Can we meet again next week? I know it’s every two weeks, but-” 

Diane just smiled, “of course. I’ll contact you with some times if that’s okay? And I think we should start meeting when you’re off-shift to give you more freedom to talk.” 

Maya scrunched her nose up at the thought of a stuffy office somewhere she didn’t know. That didn’t feel very freeing. That felt worse than meeting here. “Could you come to my place? It’s just… I feel better being somewhere I know.” 

“Of course, and well done advocating for yourself,” Diane told her. “Now go and rest, and I’ll see you next week. I’ll get your shift pattern from Captain Sullivan.” 

After a couple of hours of sleep, Maya felt much better. Well, as better as she could be. She was about to change into her gym gear when the call went out for a house fire. 

“All good, Bishop?” Sullivan called as she ran into the barn.

“Ready and raring to go,” she replied, pulling her turnouts on. Andy looked at her, and she gave her friend a small smile. They jumped into the engine - Andy driving. Maya got in beside her. 

Once they were on the way, Andy pulled her mic away. “Sure you’re alright?” 

“Promise. Diane is tiring, but she’s helpful. Got plenty of shit to deal with, but right now I’m working.” 

Andy gave her a small smile, “fair enough. Let's go save a house.” 

They left it there, focussing on further details that had come in until they arrived at the scene. 

It started off as a straightforward scene, but then they discovered there was still a resident inside, and when Jack and Vic went in for rescue, they found the man trapped, and at that point Maya had been sent in with equipment to help. 

Then their patient had fallen unconscious, and Maya had ended up taking her oxygen off to help him. 

Which was why she was now reluctantly sitting in the ER with oxygen on. 

“Need to stop seeing you in here, Bishop,” Amelia Shepherd approached her, checking her chart.

Maya pulled her mask down briefly. “I don't need a neuro check,” she grumbled. 

“Nope, but whatever the fuck is going on with you two, Carina still cares about you, so I figured before I tell her you're here I should check you're okay.” 

“You can't tell her without my permission,” Maya pointed out.

Amelia reached over and put her mask on. “Sure, but are you really going to say no?”

Maya huffed, sitting back on the bed and shrugging.

“Exactly. Maybe I'll lock you two in a room so you can sort your shit out and stop her leaving.” 

That got her attention. She pulled her mask back off. “Leaving?!”

Amelia quickly replaced the mask. “Okay so you didn't know that… I'm just going to go and find Carina now…” she backed out.

What did she mean? Carina was leaving? The hospital? The state? The country? Maya wanted to rip her oxygen mask off and run upstairs. She couldn’t leave. Even though they weren’t talking, at least she knew Carina was nearby. There was a small amount of comfort in that.

She didn’t even realise how much she was panicking until the monitor she was attached to started beeping. 

“Hey, Maya, take deep breaths, slow breaths. You’re safe.”

That voice. She’d missed it. Tears immediately pricked at her eyes as Carina slightly adjusted her oxygen mask and her breathing settled. 

“What happened?” Carina asked, tucking Maya’s loose hair back behind her ear. 

Maya lifted her mask a little to be able to reply. She didn’t have long left anyway. “Just a house fire, got a little complicated. Smoke inhalation, but I’ll be fine.” 

She was met with a small slap to the arm, “you were meant to be being more careful!” 

“I was, I swear. This wasn’t me being reckless or anything,” she told her. “I just…” Maya sighed and put her mask back on.

Carina sat herself on the edge of the bed. “Amelia said she told you,” she spoke quietly, changing the subject. Maya looked down. “Gabriella offered me a 3-month contract in Milan. I was going to tell you, I just made the decision today.” 

Once again she lifted the mask. “How am I meant to believe that when you kicked me out and ignored me for two weeks? And the first I hear of you is that you’re leaving the country?” She coughed at the end, and replaced the mask.

“I-” Carina shook her head and stood up from where she’d sat herself mere moments before. “I don’t know, Maya. Okay? I don’t know if I would have told you. I just can’t- I can’t live here right now. I can’t be here. It’s only 3 months, I just need a break.” 

Maya didn’t reply this time. She was still angry, still hurt. While part of her was desperate to fight back, a bigger part of her still felt the pain of rejection.

Carina bit her lip. “Look I wish I could give you more, but I can’t. And I need to get back to work so…” 

She just shrugged and watched her leave, her heart breaking all over again.

Chapter Text

Maya gave up sleeping about 10am. They’d been called out in the middle of the night, so she’d wanted to nap for a while this morning, but that just hadn’t happened. Instead she’d been laying in bed going over and over things with Carina. She still couldn’t make sense of it. And now Carina was leaving, and her heart hurt. 

Fuck

She couldn’t live without her. Her life was so much better with Carina in it. And sure, it was just 3 months, but the thought of her leaving while they were like this…

Maya needed answers. 

She threw the sheets off and quickly got up and dressed, just finding some leggings and a jumper, and grabbed her keys. Now she’d had the thought, she needed to go and see Carina. Right now. What she really wanted to do was run there, but her lungs were still a little fragile after the smoke inhalation, so she made the sensible decision to get in the car, even though it was a ridiculously short drive in her mind. 

Because of said short drive, she was at Carina’s by 10.30. Without her key, she couldn’t just let herself in, although one of Carina’s neighbours was leaving the building as she arrived and - recognising Maya - let her in. 

A quick jog up the stairs later, and she was knocking on the door. Words were racing through her head - all the things she wanted to say to her. 

The door knocking threw her. Carina quickly wracked her brain, but she couldn’t remember agreeing to meet with anyone - and besides, who could get in through the front? Maybe it was a neighbour…

What she wasn’t expecting on opening the door, was a tired looking Maya standing the other side. “Oh- how did you get in?” 

“Pete let me in,” Maya told her, standing awkwardly and adjusting her weight from foot to foot. “Can we talk?” 

Carina slowly moved out of the way without saying anything and Maya walked inside. 

She didn’t walk far in. Normally, Maya would just make herself at home, but Carina had destroyed that part of their friendship. 

They were both standing there in silence, until eventually Maya spoke, her words catching Carina off guard. “I miss you. I hate this, I hate us being like this. I don’t even understand why we’re like this. And now you’re going for 3 months and I can’t just accept leaving it like this. The idea hurts. So I don’t know what I did or what’s going on, but can we please sort it out?” 

Carina couldn’t help the tears forming. “Maya…” 

Maya shook her head, clearly holding her own tears back. “Please don’t give me the same excuses again, please Carina.” 

She was pleading, and Carina could feel it in her chest. She didn’t know what to say, she couldn’t tell the truth. “I’m sorry, I really am,” she spoke through tears. “I didn’t mean for this to happen, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” 

“You kicked me out, Carina…” Maya looked down. “I miss you, I miss us, but I need to understand. What you did really hurt.” 

And right there Carina wanted her best friend back. Just for now, just until she left, until she had more time to think about what this all meant. So for now she just needed to give Maya something. She didn’t want to lie to her, but she couldn’t tell the truth either. 

Carina took a step forward. “I’m sorry, I know what I did was awful. I’ve been a terrible friend.”

“Yeah, Carina, you have. I thought our argument was over, and then out of the blue, this happened. And you keep telling me you can’t tell me why, but that’s not good enough! I want this to be over, I want us back so badly, but I can’t do that if you keep lying to me! I know we’ve been a mess recently. Between my Dad, our health, and everything else, but how are we meant to sort it if you won’t talk?” 

She was right, Carina knew she was right, and she hated this whole situation. In trying to avoid this, she’d created it. She’d lost Maya in trying to avoid losing her.

She’d really fucked up.

“Can we sit?” Carina asked, and Maya nodded. They walked over to the sofa and sat down, keeping a small distance between them. Carina could see Maya nervously playing with her fingers, scratching a little at the edge of her nails. Normally she’d reach over and stop her, but right now she wasn’t sure Maya would appreciate that.

Maya was looking at her, hopeful, and Carina knew she had to give her something. She sat up a little more, tucking her left leg in so she sat facing Maya. “None of this was meant to happen,” she started. “While you were at work I got all in my head about some stuff. I guess with everything that’s happened - it affected me in ways I didn’t really see coming.” 

“Carina…” Maya’s facial expressions changed into something more akin to sympathy. 

Carina shook her head, “don’t, because I don’t deserve that. I should have talked to you, but instead I let things bottle up and I took it out on you.” 

It wasn’t a total lie, in fact it wasn’t a lie at all - just an omission of the truth. Maybe if she could just get Maya back, she could use the time away to detach herself from those feelings. Maybe they could get back to just being them.

“We’ve both kinda messed things up recently,” Maya sighed. “It hurt, Carina. That really hurt.” 

“I know, bella . I know. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” 

They both had tears slipping down their cheeks. Maya shuffled a little closer to her, and a small flicker of hope lit up in her chest. “I’m sorry too, I know everything I’ve done recently probably hasn’t helped…” 

Carina shook her head. “You apologised, and it came from a place of care - I get that.” 

She tentatively reached out, taking one of Maya’s hands. “I don’t want us to hurt anymore.” 

Maya didn’t pull away. She stared down at where Carina held her hand. “You’re still going to leave though, aren’t you?” 

“I need to,” Carina replied. “I need to clear my head.” 

There was a small nod from Maya. “I get it. I just… I’ll miss you.” 

“Do you have anywhere to be today?” Carina asked. 

“No, I got off a 24-hour this morning. Tried to sleep but… well, now I’m here.” Maya explained.

“No wonder you look so tired, bella ,” Carina stroked a thumb across the back of Maya’s hand. “Do you want to lie down for a bit?” 

Maya nodded again, and then looked up, “will you come with me?” 

“ Certo [of course],” Carina smiled softly and stood up. “ Andiamo, bella. [Let’s go].” 

When they got to the bedroom, Maya immediately slipped her shoes off and climbed straight under the covers. Carina was glad she felt more comfortable now. 

She too got in, and moved an arm so Maya could lie against her. “Sleep now, everything will be okay.” 

And soon enough, she heard Maya’s breathing settle and soft snores coming from the woman settled on her chest.

Getting called into work hadn’t been part of the plan. Maya was still asleep when the call came, and Carina decided to leave her there with a note and a text to make double sure Maya knew where she’d gone.

The emergency was a triplet mom who had gone into labour unexpectedly. No sooner had Carina arrived at the hospital, she was scrubbing into theatre with Jo. “Thanks for coming in, I know you must be prepping to leave - which I’m upset about, just for the record,” Jo informed her.

Carina gave her a smile. “I know, but I’ve found temporary cover while I’ve gone. Dr McHill is a wonderful OB, I suspect you two will get on very well.” 

“I sure hope you’re right,” Jo replied. “Are you excited about going home?” 

“Home?” Carina asked, putting her surgical gown on. 

“Italy. It must be nice to go back, right?” 

She hadn’t really thought of this whole situation as going home. 

“It’s not really home, anymore,” Carina shrugged. “My life is here now - my brother is here, my friends are here, my job is here.” 

“And Maya is here…” Jo might have had a face mask on, but Carina could still almost see the smirk. “Amelia may have mentioned something.” 

“That woman needs to keep her mouth shut,” Carina tutted. 

Jo shrugged, “everyone can see it, and your break-up with Arizona is the main hospital gossip right now, so… you’re available?” 

Carina sighed, thinking back to where she’d left Maya lying in her bed. “We’re just friends, we can only be friends, so everyone needs to keep out of it.” She wasn’t going to jeopardise their friendship again. 

Holding her now gloves hands up, Jo agreed. “Got it. Let’s go deliver some babies.” 

Thankfully, Jo didn’t bring it up again during the procedure. They kept it professional, and three babies were delivered and taken to the NICU, although all seemed to be doing pretty well despite their premature delivery. Carina had returned to her office to finish up some paperwork, the room feeling somewhat bare as she’d removed a lot for her cover to use the space. 

The knock at the door was a surprise, given most people didn’t know she was in. She called them in, and Bailey walked through the door. “Another day of proving how invaluable you are to us, Dr DeLuca,” Miranda commented. 

Carina smiled, “you are very kind, but I assure you that my cover is very much up to the job. She’s looking forward to being back in the hospital setting for a few months.” 

“Yes we have spoken, she does seem very competent. That doesn’t mean we won’t miss you, however.” 

“ Grazie ,” Carina replied. “Can I help you with anything else?” 

“Ben mentioned things are still off between you and Maya, I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” 

She couldn’t help but groan a little, why did everyone feel the need to get involved? “I don’t mean to be rude, but it’s not really anyone else’s business.” 

Miranda nodded, “I understand. I know what you said to me before, but I also know that’s not what you really want.” 

“Me making up with Maya isn’t going to keep me here, Miranda,” Carina told her. “We actually talked this morning, we’re okay. There’s been a lot going on for both of us, but we’ll get through. I’m still going to Italy, however.” 

“Got it. Can’t blame a woman for trying,” Miranda told her. “I’m glad you two are alright.” 

“ Grazie . I’ll see you next week, I’ll make sure everything is left tidy for you and for Dr McHill,” she promised her. 

Once Dr Bailey had gone, Carina sat back, rubbing her forehead. Everyone bringing up Maya wasn’t helping her current situation. 

Then she suddenly realised - she hadn’t actually heard from Maya. Double checking her phone, she saw there were still no notifications. It was unlike Maya to sleep that long. She really hoped she hadn’t upset her by leaving… 

Carina : Is everything okay, bella?

She kept typing up her notes, but there was still no response when she’d finished, so Carina decided to just head back to her place.

When she got there, Maya was in the kitchen. She turned around and smiled. “How was the delivery?” 

“It was good, you didn’t reply to my text?” Carina asked, biting her lip a little nervously, although relieved by the fact Maya was still here. 

Maya suddenly looked around her. “Oh shit, my phone is still in my coat pocket - sorry. I saw your note, thought I’d make some food for when you got back,” she gestured to the kitchen which was in a slight state, as was Maya. “It may have not entirely gone to plan.” 

Carina chuckled, slipping her jacket off and going over. “Let’s see if we can fix this together,” she smiled. 

It had been far too long since they’d cooked together, and Carina forgot how much she enjoyed it. They worked well together, and the end result was a wonderful pasta dish - one of their favourites - the first dish she’d taught Maya to cook.

They ended the evening on the sofa together, watching a film - Carina had relented and let Maya put an action film on. She had to admit, the thought of leaving this comfort for 3 months was tough, but it also reminded her why she was doing it. Having Maya in her arms like this… she wanted to always be that person. She wanted to be the person Maya came home to after a tough day for comfort, and maybe she was right now - but that wouldn’t last. It couldn’t. One day Maya would find her person, and Carina would have to let go. 

That’s why she was doing this.

When Maya fell asleep against her, Carina didn’t move. She would enjoy this, just for now. Just until she had to leave.

When the day came for Carina to leave, she woke up with an ache in her chest. Maya was lying beside her. She was awake, but hadn’t noticed Carina’s consciousness yet, instead scrolling on her phone facing away. They’d spent the previous night having their last film night for a while, and just talking - the way their friendship had used to be. Although Carina could still sense unease from Maya, a hint of distrust still lingering. 

Carina resisted the urge to run her hands through Maya’s hair, or to pull her close and never let go. Instead she just moved a little closer, resting her chin on Maya’s shoulder. “ Buongiorno. ”

Maya didn’t move, not initially, and Carina pushed herself up a little to assess the situation - Maya had tears on her cheeks. 

“Oh bella… ” 

“I’ll be fine, I swear, I just woke up and it hit me so I’ve been trying to distract myself but I ended up looking at photos and… yeah.” 

Carina used one hand to wipe away the tears. “We’ll talk all the time, and I’ll be back before you know it.” 

“I know… I’m just being needy,” she shrugged, turning over to face Carina. “You’re my best friend, and I never thought I’d have a friendship like this. Then we nearly lost it and it still feels so fragile and now…” 

She carefully brushed stray hair back from Maya’s face, unable to resist the touch. “I understand, I feel the same, but we’ll come back stronger. Don’t let this break you, bella . Lean on your friends. Andy and Vic especially, vero? [right?]” 

“ Sí ,” Maya replied quietly. “ Prometto .” 

They stayed there for a few moments, just staring at each other for a while until Carina’s alarm went - the moment broken.

“Come on, bella , I need your strong muscles to help with my case,” she smiled and climbed out of bed. 

They got ready around each other. Andrea had arrived too, and when Carina walked out of her bedroom she found him and Maya both sitting with coffee, looking pretty equally glum. “I thought we’d promised no sadness today, fratellino .” 

Andrea looked up from his coffee. “Sorry,” he gave her a small smile. “Just gonna miss you.” 

“ Tenero lui [he’s tender/what a softy],” she muttered lovingly. “You’ll survive without me for a few months.” 

He shrugged. “Sure. Are you sure you don’t want me to take you to the airport?” 

“We’ve been over this, I don’t want stupid airport goodbyes. I’m just going away for a few weeks, and then I’ll be back. That’s all.” 

Andrea held his hands up in defeat and went off to the bathroom. 

Carina walked over to where he’d been seated next to Maya, and took his place. She pulled a key set from her pocket and placed it in front of her. 

“Here, you should have this back,” she told her. 

Maya looked up, confused, “but you’re not gonna be here?” 

Carina shrugged, “doesn’t mean you can’t visit if you want. And I’ll be back.” 

She watched as Maya picked up the key, gently twirling it around her finger by the keyring - still the same tacky Seattle keyring that Maya had bought Carina on their first sightseeing trip. She seemed to be thinking about something. 

Eventually, it came out. “I could come and visit you? In Italy?” 

That caught her off guard. “I- um- I thought you had work-” 

“You know I have loads of personal days to use… do you not want me to?” Maya asked, looking suddenly so vulnerable. 

Carina felt awful. She would love to show Maya her home country, she’d said that for their whole friendship, but right now it was just the worst timing. “I just… I’ll be working a lot, it’s not the best time for it.” 

Maya nodded, “right.” She stood up, leaving the key on the countertop. 

“Maya…” Carina followed her out of the kitchen. “I’m sorry, we will go, you know how much I want to show you Italy.” 

The blonde stopped, turning around sharply. “Then why not now?! You’re not going to be working every day, Carina. I thought we were-” 

“We are! But I won’t have a lot of time off, I want to take you when I can show you properly. I want to take you to Sicily and show you the beaches! And we will do that, we will plan it as soon as I’m back,” Carina told her. It wasn’t a lie, not at all, because she would come back having worked on her feelings. They would be able to go to Italy as best friends, like Maya wanted.

Maya seemed to consider this before her response. “We could plan it while you’re away? Something to look forward to?”

“Maya…” 

“What?! I don’t understand, I don’t get it! Why are you acting so weird about this?” 

Carina’s phone buzzed. “My taxi’s here.” She looked back up from the phone to see her best friend with tears in her eyes. “Maya I don’t want to leave on an argument, please.”

Maya shook her head, “no it doesn’t make sense, again! Again you’re being weird, and I thought we’d got over it! But here we are, again, with you being all cryptic and strange! How am I meant to trust you after all this?!” 

Andrea walked back in then. “I think the taxi’s outside…” 

She nodded, and walked towards her front door where her case and carry-on bag were waiting. “I’ll call you both as soon as I can, and you have my flight details.” She hugged her brother, and then looked back to Maya. “I’m sorry.” 

“What for?!” Maya was standing in the doorway to the lounge area. “What for, Carina?!” 

And before she even knew it, the words had left her mouth.

“For being in love with you!”

Chapter Text

18 months later

Maya groaned when there was an enthusiastic knock on her door. She had a headache already, and the shift had barely begun. Still, she didn't really have much choice but to call whoever it was inside, so she did.

And then she immediately regretted that decision, because Andy and Vic walked in wearing party hats. “Happy birthday!”

“Absolutely not,” she held a hand up. “Get back to work. This is a normal shift.” 

Vic immediately frowned. “But we have a whole thing planned!” 

“Well unplan it, I’ve got work to do,” she gestured for them to leave, a scowl on her face as she did.

Maya looked back down at her paperwork, trying to do the maths on some fire prevention statistics. Unfortunately she didn’t hear the door shut again. 

When she looked back up, Vic was gone, but Andy was still there - although now without the hat on her head. “Maya come on, we just want to celebrate you! Why won’t you let us?”

“Because I don’t care, Andy. It’s not important. We’ll go out tomorrow like I promised, but that’s it,” she told her. “Now, you have a job to do, and so do I.” 

Maya sat back, shutting her eyes briefly and taking a deep breath. She didn’t want to celebrate her birthday, because there was nothing to celebrate. If only people understood that. 

The door to her office shut, but when she opened her eyes again, Andy was still standing there. “I thought I made myself clear, Lieutenant Herrera.” 

Andy was undeterred by the use of her title. “Let me check in, Maya. I know why today is hard for you, I thought we were doing the right thing and I’m sorry, but don’t shut yourself away today.” 

“I need to shut myself away, I have so much paperwork to catch up on - you know, for your husband,” she gestured to the piles on her desk. Battalion Chief Sullivan had been breathing down her neck about certain reports for a few days now, and today was the best day she could think of to focus on them.

But she did get it. She understood why Andy was worried, especially today. The bigger days were rougher, and while Maya was doing better, she still had her moments. For the past year and a half, Andy had been her rock. She’d picked up the pieces, she’d supported Maya, and she’d even - Maya had recently learned - been the one to suggest Maya for captain over herself or Jack, a role that she’d now been in for 3 months. 

Maya knew she was lucky to have a friend like her, and she didn’t want to downplay that. “I’ll come up for lunch,” she relented. “But no party hats.” 

Andy smiled, “deal. I’ll hide the party hats.” 

“And if anyone sings, there’ll be extra drills,” she pointed at Andy. “Now seriously, go do your job.” 

“Yes Captain,” Andy chuckled a little and left.

Lunch happened, and it could have been worse. In fact, Maya would maybe go as far as to say she was glad she went up. There was food from Vic’s parents’ restaurant, and a slightly odd shaped cake made by Jack and Dean. No sign of party hats or singing, but her team had reminded Maya how grateful she was for their support. Her fire station family were good people.

She was about to enter her office again when the call went out for the aid car, and Maya paused. She saw Andy and Vic jogging downstairs. “Hey, I’m gonna jump on this one. Lieutenant Herrera, you can hold the fort?” she jogged into the barn, pointing back at a bemused Andy who had stopped. 

“Sure thing, you good?” 

“Just wanting some birthday action, and seeing as nothing’s on fire - this will have to do,” Maya gave her a reassuring smile and jumped into the passenger seat beside Vic. “What we got?” 

Vic, having seemingly missed the part where Maya had swapped Andy out, looked a little bemused. “Well I’ve got the wrong passenger,” she commented as she started to drive. “But we’ve got a 15-year-old female, collapsed at school, possible seizure. How come you’re here?” 

“Fancied a trip out,” Maya shrugged. “You might have a point about paperwork on your birthday.” 

“See! I knew it,” Vic smirked triumphantly. “And you enjoyed the lunch, right? I bet you even regretted saying no to the party hats.” 

Maya rolled her eyes, “don’t push it Hughes,” she replied. “I am grateful though. It’s a bit of an improvement on my last birthday.” 

Nobody had mentioned it, but no doubt everyone had thought it. This time last year was a whole different story, and one Maya would rather not dwell on right now. Instead, she studied the information that had come through about their patient. 

When they arrived, they jumped out of the vehicle and grabbed medical bags. They were greeted by a member of staff who guided them to the school gym where their patient was waiting, and as they walked over, Maya realised she recognised the girl.

“Is that-” Vic started to ask, and Maya nodded. “Do you want me to handle it?” 

“No, I think I should take the lead here,” Maya told her, and continued to make her way towards the student who was with the gym teacher and the school nurse. “Hi Cerys,” she smiled gently at her, kneeling down. 

Something immediately felt off. Just looking at Cerys, Maya could feel something wasn’t right - more than just what had happened today. “Maya?” 

“That’s me, although don’t let Vic know I let you call me that, it’s Captain Bishop to anyone else,” she winked, which got a small smile from the girl. “Can you tell me what happened?” 

“We were playing volleyball, I was fine, and then I went a little dizzy and… well, I woke up here,” she spoke - it was quiet. 

Maya squeezed her arm reassuringly. “Alright, I’m just gonna have a quick chat with your teachers, is it okay if Vic does your blood pressure while I do that?” 

Cerys nodded, and Maya stood up, the gym teacher and nurse following her as they stepped out of earshot. “Is there anything else I should know?” she asked. “I met Cerys a couple of years ago, she was almost 13 at the time. Things had been rough with her Mum then.”

The nurse spoke up first. Maya had spotted her name badge - Jen. “We don’t know for sure, but something appears to be going on at home. I’ve seen her a few times recently, but she’s pretty evasive when you try and talk to her.” 

Maya glanced over. Vic doing obs and chatting away to Cerys, keeping her appropriately distracted. She turned her focus back to the staff. “Is she still playing tennis?” 

“No,” the teacher spoke, “she quit a couple of years back - took up track instead for a while - and Cerys is a great runner, but we haven’t seen her at practice for a while, and she missed the last meet.” 

“Has anyone been in contact with her Mum?” 

“We’re struggling to get her on the phone, I’ll try and get an update,” the teacher replied, walking away.

Maya had heard enough. She knew something was wrong. She’d never forgotten Cerys, and what she saw now was different to who she remembered.

Going back over to Cerys, she put her smile back on. “How are we doing over here?” 

Vic went over the obs - her blood pressure was low, temperature up, breathing rate a little high. Maya listened, but observed Cerys too. She was quiet, terrified, but in a different way to the last time they’d met. Her skin was pale, and her hair appeared thinner. 

Once Vic had finished, Maya asked her to go and get the gurney from the aid car, and with Jen currently on the phone to someone she was able to get Cerys alone. “Hey, it’s just us now. Can you tell me what else is going on?” 

She saw the defences go up in front of her eyes. “Nothing, I just fainted, it’s fine.” 

Maya shook her head gently, “I don’t think that’s the case, Cerys. You don’t look so well right now, and your teachers were telling me you’ve been off recently - missing track too. Is something going on at home?” For a moment Cerys seemed to observe her surroundings, checking for anyone else. “It really is just us, you can talk to me. I’m here to help you, just like before.” 

Then suddenly, the tears started. Maya shuffled closer, taking Cerys’ hand. “Hey, you’re safe, you’re safe with us.” 

“My Mum- I- things got really bad-” she was only getting words out between sobs. “They got better- but then she- my step-dad-” 

Maya was beginning to get an idea. She cautiously opened her arms, and Cerys practically leapt in for the hug, sobbing into her chest as Vic came back in. Maya shook her head at her, telling her to keep back for now. “Has your step-dad hurt you, Cerys?” Maya asked cautiously when the crying quietened a little.

“No, not- not like you’re thinking,” Cerys spoke, not moving away from Maya resulting in her words being a little mumbled. “He doesn’t like me. Mum and I, we got so close after what you did, but that’s all gone now. He says I messed everything up by quitting tennis, that it’s all I was good for. He tried to get me to go back, and Mum went along with it, and I went for a bit, but I don’t like it. It’s bad memories,” she moved a hand to wipe her eyes. “I-” she paused, and Maya gently rubbed her back to encourage her to continue. “I ran away from home a few weeks ago, and they haven’t even looked for me.” 

Her heart stung listening to Cerys talk, and the girl kept clinging onto Maya. It was hard to hold her own tears back, but she needed to know more. “Where have you been staying?” 

“Just… wherever,” she shrugged. “Sometimes friends, sometimes just… anywhere.” 

Maya nodded, “okay. We’re going to help you now Cerys, I promise. Vic and I are going to get you onto the gurney, and then we’ll get you to the hospital. I know some people who can help you out. You’re not alone now.” 

Once instructed, Vic came over and they both helped Cerys onto the bed. Both the gym teacher and Jen had come back over now. Maya filled them in quickly, making sure not to leave Cerys long, and then they headed to the aid car where they got a cannula in her and got fluids running before heading to the hospital.

Vic drove, and Cerys clung onto Maya’s hand the whole journey. She’d instructed Vic to call ahead and make sure Dr Karev was waiting for them on arrival. Maya had to internally laugh at how well she’d gotten to know the staff at Grey-Sloan in the last 15 months - because if she didn’t laugh she’d probably think about how so many of them knew her darkest moments - and that didn’t bear thinking about.

When they pulled up, the rear doors were opened to reveal Alex Karev standing there with one of the second years - Jules. “What do we have, Captain?” he asked as they started to head inside. 

“This is Cerys Taylor, 15. She collapsed during gym class after an episode of dizziness. Her BP is 80/40, temp 38.2, resps 21,” she spoke as they kept walking. 

“Hi Cerys, my name is Dr Karev, but seeing as you’re friends with Captain Bishop here, you can call me Alex,” he told her. “We’re going to go straight up to peds, I’ve got you a great little room sorted.” 

Maya felt herself relax just a little to know they were going straight up to peds - Cerys would be a lot calmer there. “Maya can come too, right?” 

Alex reassured her that yes, Maya would join them, and Maya told Vic to head back to the station, and tell Andy she would remain in charge until further notice. Unless there was a major incident, her place right now was with Cerys. 

They went up to the peds floor and into a room where they got Cerys settled. Alex talked her through the plan carefully, not saying too much for now. Jules took some blood, during which time Maya filled Alex in on what Cerys had disclosed. By the time Maya returned, there was a new bag of fluids and some sandwiches on the bedside table. After that, Alex and Jules left, promising Cerys some peace and quiet while they waited on the blood results. 

Silence fell over the room. Maya wanted to speak to Cerys, she knew CPS would have to be involved, and she wanted to be able to help, but she didn’t know how. She suddenly realised that beyond staying, she hadn’t really considered the next steps. 

“Are you gonna call my Mum?” Cerys asked into the silence, her voice broken and small. 

Maya moved her chair a little closer. “I’m not,” she told her honestly. “But they’ll have to inform child protective services.” 

She’d expected some kind of argument, but Cerys just nodded, staring down at her hands. “I couldn’t take it anymore. I tried, I tried so hard. I didn’t want to be that person that hates their step-parent, but he ruined everything. After the first time I met you, CPS got involved and they really helped. They supported Mum and I and she let me quit tennis and start track. I wanted to be just like you, and I was really good at it too. I won the state 5,000 metres.” 

“That’s amazing, Cerys,” she smiled. 

“Yeah, but then Steven turned up, and as soon as he learned about my past it was like… I don’t know, he just turned my Mum back into that person again. They stopped me going to nationals. I still managed to go to training at school, and some local meets, but only by telling them I was meeting with friends. They kept taking me to the tennis club, making me play, but I didn’t want to!” 

Maya could see her getting worked up again, her heart rate had jumped a little. “Hey, Cerys, look at me,” she carefully took the teenager’s hand again. “Nobody is going to make you do anything now, I promise.” 

“But will CPS make me go home? I don’t want to, not with him there!” 

It broke her heart to see the pain in Cerys’ face. “I know you said he didn’t hurt you, but was there anything else he did?” 

Cerys didn’t respond immediately, but Maya was patient. She could see that she wanted to talk, and she would let her do so in her own time. There was an inner turmoil inside her that was clear from her eyes - stern, fixed, scared. 

Maya knew that feeling. 

“He shouts a lot,” Cerys finally spoke quietly. “I think- I think he might be hurting my Mum. I haven’t seen anything, but I think she hides it,” she looked down. “Am I bad for leaving her?” 

“No Cerys, no, not at all. You’re so strong for doing what you’ve done, and you’re even stronger for telling me everything now,” Maya reassured her. “What makes you think he hurts her?” 

She knew that was a tough question, but she could also see that Cerys trusted her, and if her Mum was in danger then they needed to think about that. “She was really happy when they first got together,” Cerys started, “but then after he moved in she started going quiet. Like she was scared. The way she easily took his side when it came to me, it was like a switch. And now she always wears long sleeves, but a couple of times I’ve seen bruises on her arms and her stomach. I asked once and she snapped at me, told me it was none of my business. And I hear their arguments, and sometimes banging. It was always after they thought I was asleep though, and now I’m scared that because I’m not there it will be worse.” 

“Don’t blame yourself, Cerys. This is not your fault. You don’t need to talk anymore if you don’t want to,” she told her. 

Cerys nodded, but then asked a question Maya wasn’t expecting. “Was your Dad like Steven?” 

It threw her for a moment. She hadn't thought about the conversation going back to her, and this was still something she was working on, but Maya took a deep breath. She was here to help Cerys.

“He never hit, but he shouted a lot. Threw things sometimes. I used to believe he did it all out of love, that he just wanted the best for us, but I know now I was wrong.” 

“What made you realise?” Cerys asked.

Maya couldn't help but let out a small smile. “Actually, you did.” Cerys’ eyes widened at the revelation. “That day I met you, I was in a bad place. My Dad had caused a big argument between me and my best friends, and I was blaming them. But seeing you, that fear of what your Mum might say, it reminded me of myself. The more we talked, the more I realised that all along what my Dad had been doing was wrong. It just took me a long time to realise.” 

Cerys seemed to consider what Maya had said before asking something else. “So should I be better then? Because I've realised?”

“What makes you ask that?” Maya asked curiously. 

“Well you're Captain now, and you have your friends, but I've just pushed everyone away and not looked after myself and made this mess.”

She laughed, because she had to laugh. “Oh Cerys, there is a lot you don't know. This has not been a smooth ride I assure you. I'm absolutely doing better now, but I'm still working on undoing some things that he rooted in me. I reached rock bottom way before I got here, and I lost people along the way too…” her mind briefly drifted to Carina before she pushed that thought away. “You don't have to be okay right now. You just have to want to be. That's enough. There are lots of people who can help you - doctors, CPS, therapists, everyone will help you get better.” 

“But how am I meant to afford all that? I'm on my own now, I doubt my Mum will let me use her insurance and-” 

Maya squeezed her hand. “Let us worry about that. You focus on yourself, okay?” 

Cerys nodded, a small tear running down her cheek. “Who helped you? When you got really bad? You said you hit rock bottom…” then she quickly added, “wait you don't have to talk about it. I'm sorry.” 

“Hey, no, it's okay. I can talk about it…” 

15 months earlier

It had been 3 months since Carina left. 3 months since Maya had spoken to her. She'd picked up her phone so many times in that time, but never sent the message. Never called. And Carina hadn't either.

But it had been 3 months, and that meant she would be back in Seattle soon. Maybe they could talk in person. She missed her. God she really missed her. 

Everything had gone to shit in the time she was gone. Maya barely spoke to anyone, even Andy. She ran, she worked, and that was pretty much it. She needed to keep out the noise of how much she hated herself for letting Carina go, for letting her Dad ruin her, for fucking everything up.

Things were worse than they'd ever been, and Maya knew that, but she couldn’t stop it. Instead she got better at hiding it. 

They were out on a call, and Maya had somehow ended up on crowd control. There was a large civilian presence, and SPD had yet to rock up at the scene of the RTC, so she was using her inbuilt anger to control the idiots trying to put themselves in danger. At least Sullivan seemed impressed. 

But then it all went wrong.

She saw someone storming towards the cordon and Maya braced herself for another argument, but then they got closer and suddenly her body stiffened. She looked around to see if anyone was around, or if the police had bothered to show, but she was still alone. 

“What is going on here?! We have places to be! You can't hold us!” 

Maya took a deep breath. She could handle this. She had to. 

“Sir, you need to stay in your car. The road is not safe and so the traffic is currently being held. As soon as we can let you through, we can.” 

“Maya? Is that you?” 

Her mother's voice, trailing behind him as usual. She'd recognised her, even if her own father had been too blinded by rage. “Just return to your car please.” 

“There is plenty of room, Lieutenant Bishop,” Lane hissed her rank and title. “The accident is only in one lane!”

Maya briefly closed her eyes. She had to keep calm. If she lost her cool it could cost her the job, and she’d lost enough. 

Come on Bishop. You’re good at pretending.

“The rest of the road is required by the team.” 

“And what about the rest of us?” 

“Your lives are not in danger! Now go back to your car or I’ll have SPD over here sharpish.” 

He didn’t need to know they weren’t here.

Although evidently he didn’t care, because before she knew it Lane was on the wrong side of the cordon, approaching her at speed. “You do not talk to me like that, young lady.” 

“Sir, I need you to-” 

“STOP WITH THE SIR! I AM YOUR FATHER!” he grabbed her arm, and Maya was being forced to move backwards. She tried to pull away from him, but the grip was tight. “I taught you better than this! You sort this out right now!” 

Maya glanced over his shoulder, seeing Katherine standing there, staring at them but not moving. She silently begged her to do something, just as she realised she had as a child, almost subconsciously. “Dad,” she managed to get it out, she didn’t want to. “Please, just give me some time-” 

“We’ve been waiting long enough!” 

“What is happening here?!” 

Andy’s voice got louder as she stormed over. Maya couldn’t see her, Lane had her close and tight. 

“I suggest you step away right now!” 

Lane’s head snapped up as Andy walked over. “This is none of your business.” 

“Oh it absolutely is my business. You’re trespassing on an accident scene and you’re attacking a first responder. Both are criminal offences, Mr Bishop .” 

Maya could feel herself shaking. She was willing her body to stop, because he could definitely tell, and she hated that he could see her weakness, even now. 

Then suddenly he threw her to the ground. Maya was thankful she had her helmet on when her head hit the floor, but the shot of pain through various parts of her body were hard to miss. 

“Lane!” 

Maya saw Katherine duck under the tape and rush over. They briefly made eye contact, before Maya broke it. Andy quickly crouched down beside Maya. “Are you alright?” 

“Fine,” she muttered.

In some kind of ridiculous timing, the sound of two SPD cruisers arriving came from behind them. Andy looked back, “I’ll go and get someone.” 

“No, Andy-” 

But before Maya could say anything, Andy had got the attention of one of the officers.

She simply watched as Lane was arrested, Katherine calling after him, and then asking Maya to stop it from happening. 

Maya said nothing, still on the floor. Only once Lane had gone and Katherine had returned to the car did she get up with Andy’s help. Of course by now this had caught the attention of a few people, and Maya moved to be hidden by one of the trucks. “Go back to work Andy, I’ve got it here and they need you over there.” 

“Are you sure-” 

“Just go!” Maya snapped, rubbing her right elbow which had hit the ground first. She was grateful for the padding her turnouts gave her. 

The rest of the call passed in a blur, and the moment they were back at the station Maya disappeared into her bunk, quickly changing into her workout gear, and heading for the gym. She got on the treadmill and she ran, but it wasn’t enough. She turned the speed up, she increased the gradient, and kept running. Her legs burned, at one point she tripped, but she had to keep running. It hurt. It needed to hurt. She needed to stop thinking about it and there was only one way she knew how. She could barely feel her legs now, but she kept going. Pushing harder and harder. 

Her Dad’s face flashed before her eyes.

She could feel his hand around her arm again.

She could feel the shock from hitting the floor.

She just wanted it to stop. 

And then she fell.

Present time

She left out some details as she retold the story, for Cerys’ sake, but she also wanted to be honest with her. 

“What happened when you fell?” 

“I blacked out, and then almost immediately the team got called out - which I obviously missed. Thankfully one of the team stays behind on desk duty, and they happened to come by the gym - found me unconscious on the floor and got me to the hospital.” 

Cerys looked around, “this hospital?” she asked.

Maya nodded, “the very same.”

“Were you hurt badly?” 

She wanted to be careful on this one, she didn’t want to scare Cerys. “I injured my arm, and my head took a knock but it wasn’t too bad. The biggest issue was that I’d worked my body too hard, and it didn’t cope well. I needed a lot of help, but I got it, and I’m doing so much better now.” 

It was better to leave out what else happened. She kept it simple.

Cerys nodded, “thank you for telling me. I- it helps to know that it gets better.” 

“It absolutely will, Cerys. I promise you. We’re going to get you through this.” 

Maya would not let Cerys get to the point she did

Chapter Text

Landing back in Seattle felt odd. It had been 18 months since she had left, and at one point Carina honestly hadn't been sure if she would return. 

But she missed her work, she weirdly missed Seattle, and of course she missed her stupid little brother - who was now late picking her up. 

Her mind drifted back to the first time she had landed in the city, when she’d bumped into Maya… a name that caused a sharp pain in her chest. It had been a year and a half since they'd spoken, and it still stung. The rejection. The silence from Maya. Carina had given her time, but there had been nothing. Time and time again she had picked up her phone and typed a message, but it never felt right. It had gotten to the point where she’d just focussed on moving on. Andrea had attempted to mention her a few times in their conversations, but Carina always swiftly changed the topic. She didn’t want to know - she didn’t have the right.

“I’m sorry, I’m here,” Andrea caught her attention as Carina stood in the arrivals area. He stopped in front of her. “ Bentornata a casa, sorella, [welcome back home, sister],” he hugged her. “ Mi sei mancata [I missed you].” 

She hugged him back. “ Anche tu, [and you]. Now take me home. I need a shower.” 

Andrea stepped back, grabbing the handle of her case. “Mmm you do smell.” 

“ Idioto,” she rolled her eyes.  

The ride back to her apartment was strange. She knew this journey, but it had been so long - longer than intended when she’d initially left. It wasn’t hard to find her mind wandering back to the ride with Maya all those years ago. At that point she had no idea how important the woman would become to her, and as she watched out of the window, seeing Seattle rush by her, she wished they could rewind to those days. Wished she could redo it all. 

But she couldn’t.

When they made it back, Carina walked into the once familiar place, glancing around. “Did you clean?!” she asked Andrea in surprise.

He shrugged, “I’m not totally incapable, I came up occasionally to check on the place. Was beginning to wonder if you’d ever come back - one of your neighbours actually asked me if you were okay.” 

“I remember you saying,” Carina replied, running her fingers along the kitchen surfaces. “I’m sorry it’s been so long, I needed to stay. Gabri needed me.” 

“And Elio?” 

She looked up quickly, giving him an angry glare. “Don’t. Do not talk about him. That was a mistake.” 

“That’s what happens when you ignore your true feelings.” 

“Andrea! Zitto ! [Shut up],” she pointed her finger. “I don’t want to talk about it.” 

He rolled his eyes, “you can’t avoid this forever, Carina. I really do think you should talk.” 

She’d heard this all before. He’d told her she should talk to Maya at almost every call they’d had, but she couldn’t. She had to respect Maya’s choice not to contact her. “Maya made her decision.” 

“It’s not that simple, Carina,” he stepped towards her. “She-” 

“No! Andrea! Vai [go], if you can’t shut up then go,” she snapped. “I’m tired anyway, and I need to shower. I’ll see you tomorrow,” she told him, heading for her bedroom. 

15 months earlier

“Andrew!” 

He was about to finish his shift, but the frantic shout of his name pulled Andrew back from leaving the ER. He turned around to see Jack Gibson running in with someone in his arms. Someone in an SPD uniform. And as he got closer, Andrew could see who it was - Maya. 

Quickly assessing the area, “take her to trauma one! Someone page Dr Altman!” He followed Jack into the room with some of the nursing staff and one of the new interns - Dr Millin. 

Jack started filling them in. He’d found Maya on the floor seemingly having fallen off the treadmill. She was unconscious. Her pulse was weak and thready. Everyone got to work, and Dr Altman quickly joined them. 

It felt far too long before they got Maya stabilised, but she was far from okay. The tests had shown she had rhabdomyolysis, and they had to quickly get her set up on fluid therapy and inotropic support. 

Despite his shift having long finished, Andrew didn’t leave. He’d tried to call Carina, but when he’d attempted to tell her she’d changed the topic - as she always did the second he mentioned Maya’s name. The previous day she’d called to tell him she was staying in Milan indefinitely - Gabriella was unwell and she needed support. She’d sorted everything with Chief Bailey, so Andrew had no idea when his sister was coming back, and he daren’t mention that to Maya right now. 

When Maya came around, he was updating her observations. “Welcome back,” he put the tablet down. 

Maya’s eyes scanned the room, and then she suddenly tried to sit up, her arms failing her when she tried. 

“Woah, stay where you are, Maya. You’re in Grey-Sloan, Jack found you on the floor in the station gym,” he explained. 

“No, I need to go, I can’t be here. I’m fine, I can go,” she tried again to get up, and Andrew could see her frustration that her arms weren’t doing what she wanted. 

Andrew walked over. “Maya, you need to keep calm. Your heart rate is rising, and your body won’t be able to cope with that right now.” 

The monitors started alarming, and one of the nurses came in. He asked them to page Teddy before turning his attention back to Maya. “My heart is fine, I’m a runner Andrew, I’m fit, I can go!” 

She went to pull out her line, but he managed to stop her as Teddy ran in - she must have been close by. “Maya, your heart is not fine. You’ve got rhabdomyolysis, you need to rest. Your body needs you to rest.” 

Andrew watched as Maya tried to fight Teddy who took over from him. He could only watch as the person most important to his sister (he refused to believe she didn’t care anymore) struggled to accept what was happening. Eventually, Dr Altman looked up at him, and she knew what she was going to say. “Dr DeLuca-” 

“I know, I will,” he told her, not wanting Maya to hear the words. “Do you want Paul as well?” He was head of security. 

“No, I’m fine,” she told him. There were a couple of nurses nearby now too, but they were keeping a respectful distance. 

Maya was still screaming, but thankfully her weakened state didn’t make her much of a threat to anyone. Andrew stepped out, and made the call to page the psych team.

The decision to place a 5150 hold was never taken likely. Andrew had seen it a couple of times, and it was never easy, but this time it hurt more. Maya meant a lot to Carina, and therefore she meant a lot to Andrew too. Carina wasn’t here, and so he vowed to help her. 

He’d finished work now, but Andrew didn’t go home. He made his way to Maya’s room, and inside found Andy, one of her other best friends, seated beside her. She looked up at him. “She’s sleeping,” she told him. “They sedated her.” 

Andrew nodded, walking over a little closer. “How are you doing?” 

Andy shrugged, “angry at myself for not stopping this - for not seeing it sooner.” 

“Jack said she’d got good at hiding things,” Andrew replied. “It’s not your fault, it’s nobody’s fault.” 

“It didn’t help, though,” Andy sighed. “I knew things had gotten worse, with Carina…” she paused. 

He shook his head, “it’s alright, you can say it. Carina being gone shook her, I know it did, especially with how they left things. It’s messed with both their heads, Carina won’t even let me mention Maya. I tried to call her, tell her about what’s going on, but she won’t listen, and it just doesn’t feel right over text. Plus now she has to stay, I just… I don’t know what’s for the best.” 

“Carina’s not coming back?” she asked. “Does Maya know?” 

“No, I only found out yesterday,” he sighed. “Her best friend from university, Gabriella, she’s sick. Carina’s staying to support her,” he explained. “And to be honest, I don’t think she’s ready to come back.” 

Andy rubbed her forehead, “when Maya finds out…” 

“I know,” Andrew told her, “we’ll have to be careful.” 

“We? You don’t have to-” 

“Yes I do,” he interrupted. “I’ll be here.” 

And he did stay. He visited Maya daily, sometimes multiple times, often sitting with her while he had lunch. At first she fought it, refused to talk to him, but eventually she started to answer his questions. Then it stretched to light conversation, and over time, something akin to a friendship. 

Andy and Vic would visit often too, and while he’d usually give the friends time alone, he’d gotten to know the other two firefighters well. They all had the same aim: to help Maya. 

She didn’t ask about Carina at first, not at all while she was in hospital. It was the first time he visited her at home to take some food around. 

He’d arrived with a tray of lasagne - he wasn’t as good as Carina, but hopefully she’d appreciate it - Carina had always told him it was her favourite. When Maya opened the door she moved to let him in, and then invited him to stay for some food - a move that somewhat surprised him. 

“How are you holding up?” Andrew asked tentatively.

Maya stood up from putting the lasagne in the oven. “Had my first session with the department therapist yesterday. It was… a lot, but I think it was good.” 

“I can’t imagine that was easy. You said first - I know only one was mandatory?” 

“I need more. I should never have stopped in the first place,” she shrugged. “I should thank you, really. You, Andy, and Vic. You all made me able to accept it was okay to need the help.” 

Andrew smiled, “you’re doing great, Maya.” 

“Far better than the person you had to practically hold down, huh?” 

“No judgement,” he told her, as he had many times.

Maya nodded gratefully, opening the fridge and offering a drink. She pulled out two beers and handed one over. “I…” she started, pausing as she went to open her beer. Andrew waited patiently for her to continue. “Carina’s not come back, has she?” 

There it was. The untouched subject. It was always a matter of time until she asked, but at least it was now when things were improving. “No,” he replied honestly. “And I don’t know when she will. If she will.” 

She slowly twisted the bottle cap off, placing it down on the counter. “I understand. And I don’t want to make things awkward for you, I won’t ask anymore.” 

“You can,” he offered, not wanting her to feel closed off.

Maya shook her head, “I need to move on. I can’t think about all that right now, maybe another time.” 

“I understand, and I’m still here for you.”

She held the beer bottle up, “to unexpected friendships.” 

They clinked.

Present time

Walking back into Grey-Sloan was a little surreal. Carina knew she was incredibly lucky that her job had been held for so long, and that Dr McHill had been willing and able to look after the department in her absence. She had kept Carina well in the loop, even asking for her permission to make certain changes, so she at least had a good idea of what she was coming back to.

Miraculously she made it to her office without any interruptions. Or at least it felt miraculous until she opened the door to discover a good portion of the OB and peds teams inside, along with Amelia, Chief Bailey, Andrew, and Meredith (who was probably only there because of Andrew.)

“This was you, wasn’t it,” she pointed at Amelia, who simply shrugged. “Hm. We’ll have words later,” she tutted, but quickly had people greeting her and welcoming her back, before disappearing back to their jobs. Eventually she was left with just Jo as she flopped down in her chair. “That was exhausting.” 

Jo gave her an apologetic smile, “I did try and persuade Amelia…” 

“Ah it’s fine, we know what she’s like with an idea in her head. How are you doing, anyway? Hotshot attending,” Carina smiled, she was proud of Jo. 

“I had a good teacher,” she complimented in return, “but glad to have you back, boss.” 

“I’ll be a little more enthusiastic about being back when I’m less jet lagged,” she chuckled slightly. “But I wanted to get stuck back in, so what do you have for me today? Bailey said you were sorting the rota for this week?” 

Jo sat down opposite and pushed the tablet she was holding across the desk, “if you want to make any changes-” 

Carina held her hand up, “absolutely not, you have done the rota and I will respect it,” she picked up the tablet and had a scan through. 

“I put you on clinic today, figured it’d be an easier start,” Jo explained, sounding somewhat nervous about it. 

“Appreciated, thank you,” Carina gave her a reassuring smile. “You don’t have to be nervous around me, Dr Karev. You were an excellent OB before I left, and I’m sure you’ve only got better. I should congratulate you properly on your wedding too, I’m sorry I couldn’t be there. Andrea sent pictures.” 

Jo looked down at her hand where her wedding ring sat. “Thank you, he mentioned he was keeping you updated,” she replied. “I’d better get to rounds, but if you need anything today just call.” 

“I will do, thank you Dr Karev.”

Clinic was a great way to ease her back in. Carina was glad to be back, and even had one repeat patient from before she left, who was now pregnant with her second child. 

Now the clinic was complete, she had gone to find food - bumping into Amelia in the process.

“I’m sure this is the bit you’ve missed the most - the canteen food,” Amelia chuckled as they went to sit down. “I’m honestly surprised you came back.” 

“Really?” Carina asked, picking up a fry - it wasn’t the healthiest of lunches, but today required it. 

Amelia nodded, finishing her mouthful before replying. “I mean, it must feel more like home over there.” She almost laughed at that. “What?” Amelia questioned her reaction.

“I don’t really know what home is anymore,” Carina answered honestly. “Still sort of working that out. But Andrea is here, and my work is here. The hospital in Milan is lovely, but I cannot do what I really strive for. I only stayed to see Gabriella through her treatment. Now she’s doing better, I’m back.” 

“But not home?” 

Carina shrugged, “maybe. Maybe not. Seattle used to feel like home, but now…” she sighed and picked up her drink.

“Have you spoken to Maya?” 

She almost spat out the water she’d sipped, but just about managed to swallow it down. “Why would I? We haven’t spoken since the day I left, and like I have been telling Andrea for 18 months, I do not want to talk about it. I don’t deserve her.” 

“Wait, so you don’t know what happened?” 

That sentence alone brought panic within Carina. What did she mean by ‘what happened’? Was Maya okay? Andrea would have told her if she wasn’t, right? But then she never let him talk about her… 

Amelia sat back, “I guess I’ll take that as a no.” 

She wanted to ask more, she desperately wanted to, but Carina had to stick to her boundaries. “We’re not in each other’s lives anymore. She has moved on without me, as she should.” 

It was Amelia’s turn to sigh this time, “you’re both terribly stubborn, I hope you know that.” 

“Can we discuss literally anything else? Tell me about your bambino ?” 

Thankfully that worked, as Amelia was more than happy to talk about Scout, who was now 9 months old. She berated Carina for not being in the country to be her OB, but otherwise gave a step-by-step description of her pregnancy and his development, which she was more than happy to listen to. 

Just as they finished eating, Amelia got paged to the ER, and Carina decided to tag along to see if she could help out there for the afternoon - jet lag was hitting hard and she could do with keeping busy. 

Amelia made her way to her patient, while Carina started to make herself useful. 

She’d just finished seeing a young girl with stomach pains when Teddy ran by. “Could do with a second pair of hands out here DeLuca!” she called as she went, and Carina quickly put down the tablet she was holding and followed her outside, getting gowned up on the way.

As she got outside the aid car was pulling up - a familiar aid car - so it wasn’t overly surprising when Victoria jumped out from the driver’s seat and Jack appeared at the back doors as they opened. They both looked at her curiously, but went into patient handover. 

The patient was a young male who had got caught in machinery at the factory he worked at. Once they’d got him into the trauma room they all got to work, but fairly quickly ortho appeared, and Carina’s services were no longer required. 

She ripped the gown and gloves off, chucking them in the bin and washing her hands, briefly shutting her eyes - she was exhausted.

When she opened them again, Victoria was standing beside her, making her jump slightly. “So, you’re back?” 

“I am,” Carina replied, drying her hands with the paper towels and started walking over to check on her other patients, not surprised when Victoria followed her. “What is it you really want to say?” 

The firefighter looked at her as if Carina should already know, and to be honest, she already did. “Just wondered if you were going to speak to Maya? Does she even know you’re back?” And there it was. Carina wasn’t angry at Victoria for being a little aggressive in her tone - she was simply protecting her friend, which was understandable.

“We haven’t talked in 18 months, Victoria. I doubt she wants to hear from me now,” she replied while also checking on her patients’ observations. 

“Funny, she said the same thing to me just a few days ago.” 

Carina looked up, the statement confusing her. “What do you mean?” Maya was still thinking about her? Really? “I left the paddle in her court, or whatever it is you say, and she didn’t contact me, Victoria. I have accepted that.” 

“Oh you’re an idiota! ” The Italian threw Carina off for a moment. “Maya has used enough Italian insults on me, I’ve picked a few up,” Victoria shrugged and then continued. “You have no idea what’s happened in the last 18 months, do you? Has Andrew not been telling you?” 

“I- I asked him not to talk about her,” Carina admitted with a sigh. “I didn’t want to know about her moving on without me.” 

“I’m gonna need a stronger insult,” she shook her head, but then her radio went off. “I gotta go, but talk to your damn brother!” 

“Why would Andrea know so much about Maya anyway?” she called after her.

Victoria didn’t reply, and Carina had work to do. Her questions would have to wait. 

It was another two days before Carina was able to properly talk to her brother, and by the time he arrived at her apartment she was pacing anxiously, with no idea what she was about to find out. 

She pulled the door open a little too aggressively, and Andrea gave her a confused look. “Alright, what’s wrong with you?” he asked as he walked in - carrying wine, good. Carina suspected she was going to need it.

Without even a hello, she jumped straight into the question that had been bothering her since her conversation with Victoria. “Did you and Maya date while I was gone? Or sleep together?” 

Andrea immediately burst out laughing. 

Carina pointed her finger at him, “ basta !”

“Oh please, that’s hilarious,” he kept laughing, putting the bottle of wine on the kitchen counter when they made it into the room. “What on earth gave you that idea?! You know I’m with Meredith.” 

“Victoria said you know about Maya, about how she’s been, and it doesn’t make sense! I know I said to look out for her, but why would you know everything?!” 

She was angrily opening the wine now. Andrea had taken a step back. 

“Because I did as you asked!” Andrea answered. “I looked out for her, Carina. It just turned out that… well, we got on pretty well.” 

The cork came out just as he finished, and Carina placed it down on the counter. “So what, you’re friends now?” 

Andrea shrugged, “yeah.” 

She turned to get two glasses, and because she needed to turn away for a moment and take that information in. “All this time?” she asked quietly before turning back around.

“About 3 months after you left Maya…” he paused, “you know what? I think that’s her story to tell now, but let’s just say I was there at the right time.” 

“Everyone is so fucking cryptic,” Carina scowled as she poured the wine.

“I thought you didn’t want to know about her,” Andrea picked up his glass. “She always asked about you, by the way. She makes sure to check you’re getting on okay every time we have coffee.” 

Fuck . She did still care. She did, and Carina hadn’t even asked about her. It’s not like she hadn’t wanted to, she always had, but it felt easier…

No, she’d messed up big time.

“When did you last have coffee?” she asked nervously.

Andrea saw straight through her question. “She knows you’re back,” he replied. “It’s why I couldn’t see you after work yesterday. Although I didn’t tell her.” 

“Victoria,” Carina realised, and her brother confirmed with a nod. “I think… I think I’ve messed this up, Andrea. I messed it up 18 months ago.” 

“I think you need to speak to Maya.” 

So everyone kept saying… and maybe it was time she started listening.

Chapter Text

Carina was back. 

Maya didn’t want to be bothered by this news, but she was. It rocked her immediately, to the point where she’d called Diane and had an extra therapy session after work. She’d met up with Andrew too, and he told her the story about her return. 

It had now been a week since she’d found out, and it was her day off, albeit Maya was currently in her office at the station. The previous few shifts had been chaotic to say the least, so she’d gotten permission to do some extra admin hours to catch up. 

Plus, she needed the distraction.

So far, the time had been productive. She was getting through everything efficiently, and had just sent the last report over to Sullivan and Ross when her phone vibrated.

Carina: Hi. I’m sorry this has taken so long. I’d really like it if we could talk, I’m free tonight after work. I’ll understand if you don’t want to.

Maya had to sit down, having been working with her desk in standing mode. She left it up, finding her chair and sitting heavily, still staring at the message. Andrew had said she might contact her, but honestly Maya hadn’t really believed him. 

She didn’t reply to Carina, not straight away, but she did contact someone else.

Maya: Your sister just texted me. 

A few moments later, she got a response.

Andrew: Finally. 

Andrew: Speak to her. I know she made you angry, but you’ve both made mistakes, just hear her out. 

Was she angry? At first, maybe, and when Andrew had told her Carina didn’t want to hear about her, that hurt, but was she angry about it? 

Andrew was right, they’d both messed up, because Maya’s silence after Carina’s confession before she left definitely hadn’t helped anyone.

Still, they needed to talk, and Maya needed some answers. 

Maya: I’ll be at Joe’s at 7. 

An immediate response came back.

Carina: Thank you. 

Getting the response from Maya had been an immense relief. She’d half expected no response, and she wouldn’t have blamed her. 

“Did you do it?” 

Amelia made her jump when she appeared behind Carina. It had been her that had finally persuaded Carina to send the message that morning, claiming she was ‘sick of the moping’ (and apparently she wasn’t the only one). 

“We’re meeting tonight,” Carina told her in response. 

Her friend made a somewhat overdramatic punch to the air. “Oh I can’t wait to tell Andrew I got you to do it.” 

“You know this weird in-law relationship you have with him is going to take some getting used to. Apparently my brother just took on all my friends while I was gone.” 

“You’ve got some catching up to do,” Amelia shrugged. “So, where are you and our favourite Captain meeting?” 

“Captain?” 

Amelia raised an eyebrow, “so you really know nothing huh?” 

Maya had made Captain… 

She felt a surge of pride, immediately followed by a surge of guilt. 

She’d missed it all.

She had so much to make up for.

Amelia placed a hand on her arm, “you two will be just fine. Take it from someone who’s fucked up plenty of times. ‘Sorry’ will get you a long way.” 

“That’s… weirdly comforting.”

“Something I’ve been described as many times,” Amelia chuckled. “I gotta go, but fill me in tomorrow!” 

Carina let out a small sigh of relief when she saw Maya sitting at the bar. It’s not that she didn’t trust Maya to turn up, she just would have understood if she had decided not to.

She could feel her anxiety building as she walked over. Seeing Maya in person for the first time in so long had Carina feeling all kinds of things, and she had to take a couple of deep breaths to try and calm herself before approaching her. 

When she was close, the movement obviously caught Maya’s attention and she looked around, gesturing to the stool next to her which Carina sat down on, before she slid a glass of white wine over to her. 

“You didn’t have to do that, thank you.” 

Maya shrugged, “figured we’d both need something to calm the nerves,” she commented, swirling the whisky glass in her hand as she stared at it. Carina noticed that Maya hadn’t properly looked at her since originally spotting her.

She put her bag down, sitting at the stool properly and taking her first sip of wine - her favourite that Joe’s did - before she spoke. “I have a lot to apologise for,” she started. Maya didn’t move from her position, but Carina could tell she was listening, so she continued. “What I said before I left, I should never have-” she stopped herself, rephrasing her sentence before she finished it, “I should never have said it like that. Out of anger. It was wrong.” 

Maya took another sip from her whisky. Carina tried to read her, she was usually good at it, but something felt… different. “Thank you for not apologising for saying it at all,” Maya finally replied, and not in the way Carina had expected. “You should never apologise for your feelings.” 

She’d spent all afternoon thinking about what to say to Maya. Quite frankly her work had been less than productive as a result, and she’d ended up taking some personal time for the last couple of hours so she could go home and shower before this meeting. But all of her planning, her panicking, and her prepping, had not prepared her for this. 

Carina ran the fingers of her left hand up and down the condensation on the wine glass as she considered her next words. Maya kept waiting patiently, which was throwing her off. She’d expected Maya to be upset, angry, but she was just listening. Thinking. Allowing Carina time. Eventually she found the right thing to say. 

“I should have said it long before I did. I should have been honest, instead I let it build and I let it break us.” 

Every silence felt too long, and Carina had to fight her need to fill it. She was used to conversations with Maya being harsh, heavy, quick, but this was quite the opposite. Maya was taking her time, pondering her responses. This wasn’t the person Carina had left behind.

“It wasn’t just you,” she eventually spoke, interrupting her thoughts. 

Carina felt her heart skip a beat. “What do you mean?” she asked nervously.

“That broke us. It wasn’t just you,” Maya clarified. “I was a mess those few months before you left. I was there, but I wasn’t really. It’s not surprising you felt you couldn’t be open, I wasn’t really giving you the space to.” 

She’d expected more of a fight. Or maybe not a fight, but more of the blame. She was the one who had ignored Maya, kicked her out, and thrown the revelation at her just before leaving for what had ended up being a year and a half. 

Before she’d gone, they’d been fighting regularly. Obviously Carina didn’t want that back, but she was struggling to comprehend why Maya seemed to have just got over it. “You had good reasons for all that, and you were getting better.”

Maya’s subsequent scoff caught Carina off guard, making her jump. “I was fooling everyone, myself included. Things got worse after you left.” 

“But you’re doing so well now, Amelia told me you made Captain? That’s incredible.” 

“I had to reach rock bottom before I could climb out,” Maya replied, not commenting on the Captain thing. Carina decided to put a pin in that for now. 

“Andrea, he tried to tell me something had happened I think, but I always told him not to talk about you,” she admitted. “I should never have done that.” 

Maya nodded, “he told me. I get it, I guess.” 

“But you didn’t, he said you always asked about me,” Carina replied, “what sort of person does it make me-” 

“Don’t,” Maya held a hand up, and for the first time she actually looked at Carina. “You were trying to protect yourself. Maybe it wasn’t the best way, maybe it hurt to know at the time, but both of us have done stupid stuff to try and protect ourselves. We are different people now.” 

Everything Maya was saying was so… mature. Not that Maya had been immature before,  but this was just new. Different. 

Carina bit her lip, nervous to ask her next question. “So where do we go now?” 

“I want us to be friends again. I’ve missed you, I’ve missed us, but we need to set some new ground rules,” Maya told her. “We need to be more honest. Both of us. We can’t keep hiding shit from each other thinking we’re protecting the other one, because it just ends in someone getting hurt.” 

She nodded, knowing Maya was very much correct, but letting her continue.

“I need you to know that I understand why you left, and I understand why you stayed, and I don’t want you to keep apologising for that.” 

“But I don’t… are you not angry?” Carina asked, still trying to come to terms with all this having not gone at all how she expected.

“I was, at first,” Maya told her, “but no, I’m not. You didn’t contact me, but I didn’t contact you either. What you did before you left, some of the things you said, they hurt - but I also know you didn’t set out to hurt me.” 

“I never would. I was so mixed up in my feelings.” 

Maya finished the last of her drink and set the glass down. “I know,” she reassured her. “But we need to talk about a lot of stuff, and I don’t want to do it here. I need to tell you what happened while you were gone before we go any further. Would you be willing to come back to my place?” 

Her heart leapt in her chest. Of course she wanted to, but she didn’t want to seem too eager, so she drank the last bit of her wine before agreeing. “Wherever you’re comfortable.” 

They both stood up, grabbing their things. “I’ll see you there,” Maya gave her a small smile before leaving the bar. 

Carina held back, watching her leave, wanting her to get a head start. She knew this discussion wasn’t going to be easy, but she would do anything to get her friendship back.

When Maya got back to her apartment she did a quick tidy up, not that it was particularly untidy, but she was nervous. She knew she had to tell Carina everything before they could start anything new, but it had been a while since she’d had to talk about it all like this. Sure, she’d given Cerys the basics recently, but that was very much the watered down version. 

She had called Diane the moment she'd agreed to meet Carina, and she had kindly popped by the station for an emergency appointment. Maya knew she wanted to approach this without anger, but she hadn’t been entirely sure how - which is where Diane had come in. They’d talked about her concerns, and Diane had reminded her of their previous conversations on the topic. 

There was no time to think further as the buzzer rang. She pressed the button to let Carina up, pacing anxiously as she waited. Soon enough the door knocked, and Maya took a deep breath before opening it. “Hey, come on in,” she moved to allow her inside. “Can I get you a drink? I have wine in.” 

In truth she’d picked some up on her way home that afternoon, anticipating this possibility. 

“Uh, yes, please,” Carina replied, clearly equally nervous. 

Maya shut the door and made her way to the kitchen area, retrieving the wine from the fridge and pouring them both a glass. 

She almost dropped the bottle when Carina spoke. “Why aren’t you angry? I know what you said at the bar, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I hurt you - like really hurt you. You should be upset with me. I was expecting you to shout at me like I deserve.” 

Just about saving the rest of the wine from ending up on the floor, Maya placed the bottle back in the fridge and picked up the glasses, walking over to Carina and handing her one, keeping calm. “I’m not the same person you left here, Carina,” she told her. “That’s not a bad thing. I’m a better person in a better place, but you need to understand how I got here.” 

Carina nodded, looking down - almost ashamed. Maya placed a hand on her upper arm to get her to look back up at her. “Let’s go to the sofa, this might take a while.” 

They both sat at opposite ends of the sofa. Carina sat cautiously, as if it was her first time here and she didn’t want to damage anything. Maya sat with one leg up on the sofa, facing towards her. “You can relax. It might be a new sofa, but I’m not precious over it,” she tried to joke with her.

Carina didn’t laugh, but she did sit back a little, turning slightly towards her. “Sorry, I don’t want to mess this up.” 

“You’re not messing anything up, I just need you to listen. I’m gonna need to get this all out, and it’s not going to be easy for either of us.” 

“Take as long as you need,” Carina told her. 

Maya took a sip of the wine while she prepared herself for this. “After you left I was angry, hurt, everything you think I should be. I shut down more than I already was - focussed on work and running and otherwise kept myself to myself. I got better at hiding it, appearing functional at the very least, but the reality was much different,” she paused, taking another drink to give herself a moment. Carina looked… concerned. There was worry etched on her face, and Maya had barely started.

“One day, about 3 months after you left, we were on a scene - multi-vehicle collision. SPD were- actually, I’ve still no idea what took them so long, but they weren’t there, so I was on crowd control. It was mostly fine, just a few impatient assholes I quickly shot down, but then…” she had to stop again. Just thinking about what came next made her tense a little. 

Maya took a second, steadying her breathing, remembering all the techniques she’d learned before she continued. “Lane showed up. He didn’t recognise me straight away, but Mum did, and then as soon as he realised he got more angry. He came under the cordon, grabbed my arm, I couldn’t get away, and then Andy came over - hearing the commotion. She told him she’d get him arrested, and then he threw me to the ground.” 

“Maya…” Carina’s silence was broken, albeit briefly. She quickly shut her mouth, silently apologising. Maya gave her a small shake of the head to say it was fine.

“I finished the call, we got back to the station, and I went straight to the gym. I needed to run, I needed to stop thinking about it. I was ignoring the pain from what he’d done, I was ignoring a lot of pain really, I’d almost run my body into the ground as it was. I kept running, pushing myself harder, and then I fell. I hit my head on the way down, blacked out. Seconds later the team got called back out - not that I was aware. The next thing I remember was waking up in a hospital room with your brother. They’d diagnosed me with rhabdomyolysis, but I tried to fight it. Andrew had to stop me getting up, then Dr Altman took over. In the end they had to 5150 me.” 

She stopped there, looking down for a moment and taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I need a second,” she stood up, abandoning her wine on the coffee table and rushing to her bedroom, shutting the door and leaning against her chest of drawers. 

Telling this story to Carina was somehow different to telling it to anyone else. It meant more. She was so scared Carina would see her differently after this. Maybe she wouldn’t want to be friends with someone like this, someone who came with all the baggage of her past. Maya was doing better, sure, but she still had bad days. Rough times. Maybe Carina wouldn’t want to take all that back on.

Maya kicked the base of the wooden chest, she needed to calm down. She needed to tell the rest of the story, to give Carina the option to stay or go. 

But she was so scared.

Then there was a small knock on the bedroom door. “Maya? Can I come in?” 

She looked at herself in the mirror, only now realising that tears had been falling. She wiped furiously at her cheeks. 

“Maya I’m not going to come in without permission, but I just want you to know I’m here. You don’t have to tell me any more tonight, but I want to know you’re okay.” 

Of course she did. 

And Maya wanted her comfort, she wanted it so bad. She’d wanted it then too, but it worked out better that Carina wasn’t there at that time. Maya had to work through that herself. But now, she could accept help. And she wanted to. She called Carina in, speaking just loud enough for her to hear through the door. 

Carina walked in and immediately went over to her side. She stopped short of touching her, but Maya just turned and leant into her, allowing Carina to wrap her arms around her. Neither of them said anything straight away, Maya just let herself be held, and Carina gave her just the right amount of pressure to help calm her down - some things hadn’t changed. She still knew. 

Eventually Maya stepped back, taking a deep breath. “I’m sorry, it’s just… I’ve been so nervous to tell you about this.” 

“You don’t have to say any more today,” Carina reiterated from her earlier message, but Maya shook her head.

“No, I need to. The hardest bit is out there anyway,” she replied. 

“Can I do anything to make you more comfortable while you do?” Carina asked. 

Maya thought for a moment. “Can we sit a little closer?” she asked to start with, and then Diane’s voice came into her head.

Advocate for what you want, Maya. Be honest.

“Hold hands, maybe? I think the contact would help.” 

Carina immediately held her right hand out, a small, a reassuring smile on her face. “Andiamo, sono qui, [let’s go, I’m here].” 

They walked back into the lounge and sat back on the sofa, this time much closer together. Maya had picked her wine back up in her free hand. “Okay, so they kept me in hospital until I was medically fit for discharge. Psych saw me while I was there too. I came to accept I needed help, like I really needed it. Andy, Vic, and Andrew really helped too. They all showed up, sat with me, even when I wasn’t talking. They showed me I wasn’t alone.” 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” Carina responded quietly. “I should have let Andrea tell me.” 

Maya stared down at their joined hands. “I think it’s actually a good thing you weren’t,” she told her. “I didn’t think that at the time, but I saw it later on. I started working with Diane - the therapist from SFD I’d seen before. I stopped going to her after you left, but then this happened. The first session was mandated, and I thought that’d probably be it - one and done, then back to normal, but that one session changed everything. I saw so much about myself, I realised how much I’d still been fighting everything Lane had ingrained in me, even when I thought I’d let go. After a few sessions, I opened up about you, everything that had happened between us. It was Diane that made me realise that being angry wasn’t going to solve anything.” 

“Which is why you’re not fighting me,” Carina realised, and Maya nodded. 

“I’ve been seeing Diane since. She got me back on track, I got back to work, and yeah - I’ve been Captain for 4 months now. It’s going well, things in general are going pretty well, but there’s always been one thing missing.” 

Carina gave her a slightly confused look, which made Maya chuckle.

“You, you idiot. You’ve been missing. It’s the one thing I hadn’t resolved, the one thing I wanted back. Recently I started speaking to Diane about trying to make contact with you again, but… well, now you’re back, so those were some wasted sessions,” she joked, making Carina smile slightly. 

3 months ago

“You really care about Carina, don’t you?” Diane asked. 

Maya shrugged. “I guess, but it’s been over a year now.” 

Diane sat forward slightly, and Maya held her coffee cup tighter. “When Carina first left, you stopped turning up to our sessions. When we first started working together again, you didn’t want to talk about her. The last couple of weeks you’ve bought her up a few times. What changed?” 

“I’m doing better now. I’m doing great at work, I feel more myself than I maybe ever have, but everything with Carina, it’s still unresolved,” Maya sighed. “I don’t know if Carina will ever come back, I don’t know if we’ll ever be friends again, but the way we left things… she told me she loved me. That’s the last thing she said to me - she apologised for being in love with me. Then she left.” 

It was the one thing that still really hurt. The one thing that Maya had avoided bringing into therapy. But now she knew that not talking about it was only hurting her. 

Andrew kept her updated on Carina, to an extent. Maya just wanted to know she was okay, and how Gabri was doing - because Gabri hurting would hurt Carina. That was it though, she didn’t want to know too much. It didn’t seem fair on Carina, especially when she knew Carina had asked not to be told about her. 

The last couple of weeks, Maya had already worked through her feelings on Carina leaving, on their loss of contact. They’d talked about that, and it had helped a lot, but now she was no longer angry about what had happened, she was back to some other feelings. 

Diane put her own mug down before responding. “What was your reaction at the time? Not the anger, we’ve covered that, but what was your reaction to her telling you she loved you?” 

She’d never spoken this out loud to anyone. She’d never told anyone how she really felt. 

“I wished I could have said it back.”

“And do you still feel that way?” 

If you’d asked Maya that question a few weeks ago, she’d have scoffed and said of course not. Carina had left, she’d stopped talking to her. Maya was angry and hurt. 

But now she’d come to terms with what happened, now she could accept her part in what had happened, now… “yes, I do.” 

Diane sat back, crossing one leg over the other. “Do you want to tell her that?” 

“I don’t know… it’s been so long now. And she’s in Italy, she’s looking after one of her best friends who’s going through an awful time. It’s not exactly the time to be phoning with a confession of love.” 

She kept a grip on the mug in her hands. It was long empty, but it had become some kind of comfort in this conversation. 

“Maybe, but you could start by getting back in contact?” 

Maya shook her head, “not now. Not yet. I just… it needs to be the right time.” 

Present time

Maya squeezed her hand. It hadn’t been the right time then, but now it was. She’d discussed it when Diane had dropped by earlier, and she knew - this was it.

“Meeting you is the best thing that ever happened to me. You were the person that made me start recognising things were wrong. You were the one I wanted to fight for, even after you were gone.” 

“Maya…” 

“No, no. Let me finish, I have to say this,” Maya stopped her. She couldn’t back out now, but if Carina started talking, she just might. “I didn’t acknowledge it properly at the time, I only spoke it out loud for the first time 3 months ago, but when you told me you loved me, I wanted to say it back. That wasn’t even the first time I’d thought it. I’d had the feelings before, but I didn’t want to ruin what we had, so I pushed it aside. Plus Lane got in my head, but that’s another story you already know,” Maya sighed before continuing. “Then when you said it, when you left, I wanted to run after you and scream at you for not saying it sooner like the hypocrite I was. But we both messed up, we both took too long and we both let it hurt us. But now, we have a chance to try again, and I don’t want to screw it up this time.” 

When Maya looked at Carina properly, she saw a couple of stray tears. She wanted to wipe them away, but she wasn’t sure if they were there yet. “What- what are you saying?” Carina asked, a hint of nervousness and hope in her voice.

Maya shuffled a little closer. “I want to get this right. I want us back, but… maybe we can work towards something new? Something better? I need to be able to trust you again, and I can, but we need to get this right.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that,” Carina replied, and Maya felt such a rush of relief run through her. 

“Yeah?” she checked.

Carina nodded, “yes, Maya. We’re not going to make the same mistakes twice,” she told her and they immediately fell into a tight hug.

Both of them had tears flowing. This was a feeling they’d both been missing for so long. They’d both made mistakes, they’d both lost time, but now they had hope.

Chapter Text

Over the next couple of weeks the two of them had spent a lot of time together. They’d talked - sometimes deep things, sometimes just light catch up. Maya had asked a lot about Carina’s time in Italy, and she’d answered all the questions. Carina had insisted on a full play-by-play story of Maya getting the Captaincy, which she’d given. 

It was now a Tuesday morning, and the cool February air was making getting out of bed very much not appealing. 

“ Buongiorno .” 

Carina smiled at the voice and finally opened her eyes, looking over to where Maya was walking in with espresso in hand, dressed in her uniform with the shirt buttons not yet done up, and her hair still down. She looked good . 

But they weren’t there yet, so she didn’t say anything.

“ Buongiorno, bella. Grazie,” she smiled and took the espresso cup from her, sipping it. “You haven’t lost your touch.” 

Maya smiled, “you might have gone but I was never going back to instant coffee,” she told her. “I’ve gotta go, I’m going to visit Cerys before work.” 

She’d been filled in on Cerys. Maya was keeping in contact with the girl, whose foster placement had ended up being with an ex-firefighter and his wife who Maya knew. “How’s she getting on?” Carina asked, sitting up a little in bed. She knew Maya was worried about herl.

“She’s going back to school today,” Maya replied, doing up the buttons on her shirt. “She’s doing… better, but it’s not easy.” 

Carina nodded, “you’re doing great work with her, Maya. You’ve helped so much already.” 

“I hope so,” Maya gave her a thankful smile. “Stay as long as you want, I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“Of course. Have a good shift, make sure you take one of the cornetti I bought for breakfast. Stai attenta.” 

“ Sempre,” Maya replied and left the room.

Carina listened as she slipped her boots and jacket on before leaving the apartment, leaving her in silence.

They’d stayed over at each other’s places more often than not in the last couple of weeks, unless one of them was working. It’s something they’d done often before Carina left anyway, but it felt different now. They were getting to know each other in a different way, neither of them quite daring to name it yet, but it was clearly heading in that direction.

Finishing up her espresso, Carina sighed contentedly and looked over at the empty side of the bed, cringing a little at how much she already missed Maya now she’d left. 

Her moment was interrupted by her phone ringing, and she panicked a little when she saw Gabriella’s name on the screen. 

“Gabri? stai bene?” she answered in a panic.

There was a small laugh from the other end of the phone. “ Madonna, tesoro ti preoccupi troppo. Sto bene. [you worry too much. I’m fine.].” 

“Oh…” 

“ Sí, Miss Americana, I was calling to catch up seeing as I’ve heard nothing from you in two weeks.” Gabriella replied, switching to English. 

Carina took a second. Sometimes the switching between languages was hard first thing in the morning. “Oh, right, sorry…” 

“I take it that the conversation with Maya went well, then?”

She felt herself smile in an almost embarrassing way, but thankfully they were only on a voice call. “It went better than I expected, actually. Maya’s been through a lot while I’ve been gone, but she’s worked hard and is doing so much better now,” she explained, keeping it vague - it wasn’t her story to tell. “We talked a lot, we still are, but things are good.” 

“Good in a… fidanzata [girlfriend] way?” Gabri teased.

Her smile widened, and she could feel her cheeks warming up. “Maybe. We’re working on it. Taking it slow. We need to get to know each other again first.” 

“ Mamma mia! Finalmente! I didn’t put up with 18 months of pining for no reason,” Gabriella replied enthusiastically. 

“I wasn’t that bad,” Carina replied in a slight grump. 

Gabri hummed pensively, “sure, whatever makes you feel better. Basta che non mandi tutto a puttane un’altra volta [Just don’t fuck it up one again].” 

“Gabri!” 

Ignoring her protestations, Gabriella continued. “So are you seeing her today?” 

“She just left,” Carina said casually, not really thinking about the connotations. 

“You just told me you were taking it slow!” 

Carina sat up a little more, laughing at her friend’s reaction, “it’s not like that, Gabri. You know we stayed at each other’s places all the time before too. I mean, it is different, but it’s literally just us sleeping in the same bed. We stay up talking so late it’s not worth driving home. Plus I… well, I sleep better with her,” she admitted. 

“Okay, that’s enough, you’re all loved up and it’s gross and I want to be able to enjoy my dinner so I’m gonna leave you to it.” 

They said their goodbyes, with Carina promising not to ignore her friend for another two weeks, and then hung up. 

Maya arrived at Cerys’ foster house at 7am as agreed. She’d been so relieved when, against the odds given her age, Cerys had been placed with a really lovely older couple - Marie and Jason. She’d settled in well, although was understandably still struggling with the fallout of everything happening with her Mum and Step-Dad who were both now under investigation. 

“You came!” Cerys jumped up from the dining table when Maya was led into the room, but then quickly stopped in a panic. “Sorry Marie, that was loud.” 

“Don’t worry love, you’re alright,” Marie told her, “I’ll give you both some time,” she smiled and Maya moved so she could get back out of the door before walking over to Cerys who immediately hugged her. 

“M’still getting used to not being shouted at for everything,” Cerys sighed as she separated from the hug. “They’re so nice to me.” 

“Yeah they’re lovely,” Maya smiled. “Did you get your room decorated over the weekend like you wanted?” 

Since it had been confirmed she would be staying with Marie and Jason for a while, they had agreed to let her make the room her own. “Yes! It’s so cool, you wanna see?” 

“Of course,” she replied and was quickly following her upstairs and into the bedroom which was looking great. There was new sage green bedding on the double bed that sat in front of a leafy wallpaper, which fitted with the built-in wardrobe that was already a similar colour to the bedding. “Cerys, this is gorgeous!” 

“Jason helped me with the wallpaper, it’s that removable stuff but it looks so good. And they said I can paint flowers on the wardrobe doors at the end of this week,” she explained enthusiastically. “I wish I could have your number so I could send you pictures,” she sighed.

Maya gave her a sympathetic smile, “I know, and maybe in time, but we have to follow what the social worker says for now. They have to be careful. I can still pop round and see it some time, or maybe Marie could send me pictures?” 

Cerys nodded, sitting down on the edge of her bed as some of the enthusiasm faded. Maya joined her, waiting for her to open up, which eventually she did. “I’m scared about going to a new school.” 

The option had been there to go back to her old school, but Cerys had decided she wanted a fresh start. “It’s okay to be scared. New starts are always scary, but you’re going to do great. Just take it one step at a time, and remember the breathing exercises your therapist taught you.” 

“I hope I make some friends,” she played nervously with her hands. “What if everyone already has friends and doesn’t want any new ones?” 

“You’ll make friends, you’re pretty awesome. Plus you signed up for track already, right? So you’ll meet like-minded people there. I’ll even let you drop my name if it helps,” she winked, which did make Cerys chuckle a little. 

Cerys took a deep breath and stood up, going over to where her backpack was sitting and doing it up. “You seem happier,” she commented. Maya hadn’t really expected any discussion about herself, let alone that. 

“Oh, um, yeah. I reunited with my best friend. We… well, we had quite a big falling out a couple of years ago.” 

The teenager leant against the wardrobe as they continued talking. “But things are good now?” 

Maya nodded, “we’re getting there, yeah. But today is absolutely not about me. It’s about you, going to school and doing everything you do best. You’re so smart and brave, you’re going to be incredible.” She stood up. “Come on, let’s go back down. I’m sure Marie and Jason will want to see you before you go.” 

Cerys slung her backpack over one shoulder and the two of them made their way back down. 

Soon enough it was time for her to get the bus, which she’d insisted she wanted to do. They all walked her as far as the end of the road, and then stood at a distance watching until she was safely on the bus before heading back to the house. 

“Her room looks great,” Maya commented to the couple as they walked back. “She said you were going to let her paint the wardrobe doors too?” 

Jason nodded, “I found her doodling some flowers after we’d decorated and suggested we could put something similar on the doors.” 

“I didn’t realise she was so artistic, so many hidden talents in that girl,” Maya smiled warmly. “I’m really grateful you took her in. I was so worried…” 

Marie shook her head, “as soon as the social worker called us we knew we would accept. The older teenagers are so often ignored and lost to the system, that’s exactly why we started fostering.” 

They’d already discussed how the pair got into fostering. They’d recently retired, and Cerys was their first placement, however they had four grown-up children - two of whom had already been to visit. 

“I’d better get to work… will you let me know how she gets on today?” she asked as they reached her car parked outside. 

“Of course,” Maria promised. “Thank you for coming this morning.” 

“It’s no bother,” she replied, before getting into her car and heading towards the station.

She was a couple of minutes late arriving, but that was always a risk and was why she’d changed into her uniform beforehand. 

“Cutting it close there, Captain,” Andy called as she made her way downstairs. “How’s Cerys?” 

Maya opened her office door, leaving it for Andy to follow her in. “Nervous, unsurprisingly, but I think she’ll be great. She decorated her room at Maria and Jason’s this weekend, it’s fab. Everyone here?” 

“Yep, breakfast all round. Are you coming up?” 

“Best not, need to get things in order. Don’t worry, Carina bought cornetti last night,” she clarified, knowing Andy still worried about her skipping meals. “I will eat, promise.” 

Andy nodded, “alright. See you in a bit then,” she turned to leave, but then quickly turned back. “Carina was round again?” 

“Yes, problem with that?” Maya asked, hanging up her jacket. 

“Nope,” Andy replied with a smirk, “just glad I moved out.” 

“It’s not-” Maya started to reply, but Andy had already left, so she shook her head and got to work. 

After line-up and some drills, 19 were called out to a fairly simple house fire. The team worked well, and as they jumped out of the trucks Maya made sure to tell them as such. She’d been nervous becoming Captain, especially with how the previous year had been for her, but this team had been incredible. Any concerns she’d had were pushed away. She’d worried that Andy would think Maya was jumping over her, but Andy had been nothing but supportive - and apparently had been one of the ones to put her name forward to Sullivan. The support from everyone was something Maya would forever be grateful for.

She was still reflecting as she walked into her office, shutting the door behind her. It would be time for lunch soon, just enough time to write up her report before joining the team for food - something she did try to do as often as possible. 

“ Ciao bella .” 

Maya almost jumped out of her skin, clutching her chest in shock, which clearly entertained Carina who started laughing. “That was cruel! And you have a heart condition, you should know better!” 

“But you don’t,” Carina giggled. “That was very funny.” 

She flopped down in her chair, putting a pout on her face. “You’re mean.” 

Carina walked over, starting to massage Maya’s shoulders, “I’m very sorry. It was too tempting.” 

Maya leant back into her touch, Carina had always been amazing at relaxing her muscles. “Mmm this makes up for it,” she sighed contentedly. “How come you’re here anyway?” 

“I brought lunch,” she told her. “Plus I thought it was about time I showed my face here… although I’m a bit nervous how everyone will take it.” 

“You brought food, they’ll be fine,” Maya smiled, spinning her chair around to face Carina. 

Carina hummed, “I wouldn’t blame them for being upset with me.” 

“If they can see I’ve moved on, then they will too. Andy and Vic might take a small amount of persuasion, but they’re harmless really,” Maya told her. “They can still be a little… protective.”

“I’m glad you had them,” Carina said quietly. “They’re good friends.” 

Maya stood up, “they are, and so are you.” Carina opened her mouth to argue, but Maya was quick to stop her. “We’ve talked about this. Mistakes were made, but this is a fresh start, and today you’ve brought my team and I lunch - that’s good friend material. Now come, let’s go and deliver this lunch - where is it, by the way?” 

“THERE’S LASAGNE IN THE FRIDGE!” 

Travis’ voice was unmistakable through the house. 

“Well that answers that question,” Maya chuckled. “My reports can wait, let’s go upstairs.” 

“Almost sounds like you're propositioning me,” she joked, and Maya just rolled her eyes, heading out of the office.

On entering the beanery, a silence fell over the crew, and Maya immediately felt Carina tense beside her. She decided that entering captain mode briefly was probably wise. “Alright nineteen, we have a visitor and I expect you to treat her with the same respect and friendliness you always did.” 

“Captain-” Dean started to speak, but Maya held a hand up to stop him.

However, it was Carina that spoke next.

“I understand your concern,” she started, taking a step forward so she was next to Maya rather than behind her. “I’m very glad you have all been here for Maya, and I’m so very sorry for the part I played in everything that has happened.” 

Maya reached out and took Carina’s hand. “We have talked things over. A lot. We are making a fresh start on our friendship,” she squeezed Carina’s hand gently on that word, “and if we can - then so can you.” 

There was a slightly nerve wracking moment of silence, before it was broken by Travis. “So, the lasagne is you?” 

Carina nodded, “the least I could do.” 

“Well it’s definitely a great start,” Vic commented, and Maya smiled gratefully at her, letting go of Carina’s hand for now. 

Emmett walked over then, addressing Carina. “We haven’t actually met, I’m-” 

“Probie. That’s probie,” Andy called out from across the room. “Who should be sorting the uniforms!” 

“Chores can wait,” Maya announced. “Let’s get that lasagne heated up.” 

The lunch had been perfect. Everyone had calmed and welcomed Carina back in, which Maya was grateful for, however towards the end she could tell that Carina was distracted. She’d had a couple of messages which seemed to have affected her mood. “Hey, need to talk?” she asked quietly.

Carina nodded, and Maya excused them from the table, heading down to her office after instructing the team to clean up. 

Once they were in the office and the door was closed, Maya addressed the issue. “You went quiet after those messages?” She guided Carina into her bunk room so they could sit on the edge of the bed.

Carina held her phone in her hand as if it was going to burn her, staring at it even with the screen off. “You remember I told you I dated someone for a while in Milan?” 

“Yes,” Maya replied. They’d had that discussion a couple of days ago - Carina had admitted it quietly over dinner, “and I told you I understand. It’s not a problem, Carina, you were living your life over there.” 

“It’s him, Elio, that messaged me. He’s just asking how I’m getting on back here, but… I don’t know, it just unsettled me. I thought I made it clear I didn’t want to keep in contact with him,” she sighed.

Maya twisted so she was facing Carina more, tucking one leg up on the bed to allow the position. “It ended badly?” she asked. They hadn’t discussed the details much.

Carina shrugged a little. “Kind of? I realised his feelings for me ran far deeper than mine for him and I couldn’t keep stringing him along. I told him as such and he didn’t take it well, but that was it. I haven’t heard from him since until today.” 

“Have you replied to him yet?” Maya asked, to which Carina shook her head. “Do you want to?” 

“Not really. I might ignore him and see if he gets the message.”

“Alright, but if he keeps messaging you then you’ll have to say something,” Maya told her. 

Carina sighed, “I know. I just really don’t want to engage with him if I can help it.” 

“Need a hug?” Maya asked, and Carina nodded, so they moved into position. “I can spare a few minutes.”

Chapter Text

After not receiving anything further from Elio for a few days, Carina had started to think he’d understood her silence.

But then he started calling. 

She kept letting them go to voicemail, and he didn’t leave any messages, but after a couple of days Carina finally gave in and answered.

“ Carina! Finalmente!” 

In a further step to not indulge him, Carina kept the conversation in English. “Stop calling me, Elio. I told you I didn’t want to talk to you. I’m going to block your number after this call is over.”

“Carina, I just want to talk, we left things so badly…” 

“And you told me you didn’t want to be friends if we couldn’t be together,” Carina replied. “And we are not going to be together.” 

She sat down at her desk chair, running a hand across her forehead. It had been a long day, and this was the last thing she needed. “You could come back to Italy, Carina. We can try again.” 

“Are you not listening to me? We’re over. It’s over. Just leave it, Elio,” she told him and hung up, immediately blocking his number and throwing her phone on the desk as someone knocked on the door. “Yes?!” she called out, a little more harshly than intended.

Jo stuck her head round the door a little sheepishly, “should I come back…?” 

Carina sighed, shaking her head and sitting up straighter in her chair. “No, I’m sorry, come in.” 

She did enter, shutting the door behind her. “I just came to let you know Mrs Lessi’s delivery went smoothly in the end, but now I think I should ask if you’re alright?” 

“Long day,” Carina passed it off. “Sorry for snapping, thank you for today - everyone’s worked hard. I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Jo gave her a suspicious look, but didn’t press further. “Have a good evening, Dr Deluca,” she smiled and then left the room again.

Changing out of her scrubs was a relief, but Carina found she didn’t really want to go home. Elio’s call had shaken her, and there was only one person she really wanted right now. 

The station was oddly quiet when Carina walked in, but a quick look into the barn confirmed that the team weren’t out. The blinds were shut on Maya’s office, so she knocked gently, just as Ben jogged downstairs. 

“Hi Carina,” he greeted as he sat down at the desk. “I’d just popped upstairs, wasn’t long.” 

“I’m not going to tell on you for abandoning your post,” Carina smiled, but having had no response from inside the office her smile quickly turned to confusion. “Is Maya in?” 

“Should be,” Ben replied, “she’s had the blinds shut all afternoon since we got back from our last shout. Not sure what’s going on, though she was getting a little heated earlier.” 

Carina nodded, and made the decision to go inside anyway. 

“I didn’t answer for a reason,” Maya scowled, “this had better be important.” She threw her pen down and then looked up. “Oh shit, Carina, I’m sorry.” 

“I can go if this is a bad time,” Carina told her, still holding onto the door handle. 

Maya stood up, walking around to her and pushing the door closed. “No, I’m sorry, I just had an awful meeting and I’m a bit… well, you can tell. I’m trying to avoid everyone until I can calm down a little.” 

Immediately, Carina wrapped her arms around Maya who melted into the hold. A tight hug had always helped Maya calm, and now was no different. “Want to talk about it?” Carina asked.

“Stupid bureaucracy stuff. I got my way in the end, fought for my team, but it’s not easy, especially when you’re a woman,” she sighed. 

Carina squeezed her a little tighter, “well I’m proud of you. You always do the best for your team, and I know they appreciate it too.” 

Maya let out another sigh, this one a little more contended, before stepping back from the hold. “I’m sorry for that, how was your day? What brings you here?” she asked, walking back around to sit in her chair, but pulling a second chair around for Carina to sit on, which she duly did. 

She briefly considered not telling Maya about Elio, seeing how stressed she was, but she had also promised her honesty. 

“Elio has been calling. A lot. I’ve been ignoring it, but I finally answered this afternoon and it’s like he can’t understand that we’re over. He asked me to go back to Milan. I told him no and I blocked his number now, but it just… shook me a bit, I guess. Didn’t really want to go home after it.” 

“Hm, is it bad I kinda want to punch this guy?” Maya asked, making her chuckle. “Hopefully now you’ve blocked his number he will leave you alone, but if he finds another way then make sure you tell me, or Andrew, just someone.” 

Carina nodded, “I will, promise,” she stood up. “I should get out of your way…” 

Maya leaned forward and grabbed her hand, “if you want company you can stay. We’ll be having dinner soon. You can stay in here, or go chat to the others - I might not be the best company, I do have to get this paperwork done.” 

“Are you sure?” Carina asked. “I don’t want to be a bother.” 

“Never,” Maya smiled, “now go distract my team from their work. But don’t tell them I said that.” 

“Your secret is safe with me,” she chuckled and then left Maya to her paperwork. 

As soon as she turned away from the office she saw Jack, Andy, Vic, and Ben all watching. “Can I help you?” she asked.

Jack gestured towards the office behind her. “She alright in there?” 

She couldn’t help but smile a little. “ Sí , she’s okay, just a tough meeting,” she kept it vague, not sure how much Maya would want sharing. “Although if she knew you were just standing around out here…” 

“Right, gotcha,” Jack quickly scurried off, which made Andy, Vic, and Carina laugh - Ben was distracted by the phone ringing, so they moved away so as not to disturb him, starting to walk up to the beanery. 

“Gibson being scared of Maya never gets old,” Vic chuckled. “You hanging around for a bit then? Probie’s making curry and he’s actually pretty good at it. Plus apparently nobody is setting anything on fire today so we’re bored .” 

They all sat down at the table after grabbing water. “So how’s things going with Maya?” Andy asked before sipping at her drink.

Carina sat back in her chair. “They’re good, I think. We’re being open with each other, we’ve spent a lot of time talking. I know I have to earn back her trust after everything, and I’ll keep doing so.” 

“I’ll admit I was unsure at first when you came back,” Andy told her honestly.

“I’d have been more worried if you weren’t,” she replied, “I made some unforgivable mistakes before I left. I acted without thinking, it was not right. I realised that pretty quickly, but then I assumed Maya would want to move on. I made all the decisions without involving her, and just kept digging myself deeper into a hole.”

Vic hummed in agreement beside her before speaking up. “Maya went through some real tough shit after you left. At the time I was really mad at you for not being here, I still was really, until recently. I didn’t want Maya to jump back in only to be hurt again.” 

She’d expected the best friends’ confrontation at some point. The whole of Station 19’s A shift cared about Maya, and Vic and Andy even more so. Although Maya’s speech to the crew had clearly calmed things, it made sense that they would want to talk to her, and Carina would answer their concerns - it was the least she could do. “I’ve learned from my mistakes. And I know you have to take me at my word for that, but I had 18 months of thinking time, and many a telling off from my best friend in Italy. It wasn’t until I got back here that I could truly face the consequences of my actions, and although I’ve been faced with far less anger and shouting than expected, I still know I have to make up for what I did.”

There was a nod from Vic, but Andy appeared deep in thought. Carina waited, a little nervously, until she spoke. “Maya told me you are working towards something new together. I’m glad you’re finally being open with each other, but I need to hear from you that you’re serious about this. I need to know you’re not going to run if it gets scary, because honestly if you’d have asked me two years ago which one of you was going to do the big freak out over their feelings, I definitely wouldn’t have called it being you.” 

Carina turned to face Andy directly, wanting her to see that she was serious about this. “I promise you, I’m in this for real. We’re being open and honest, and I will continue to be so. I’m not saying there won’t be wobbles - this is scary for the both of us - but we will talk about it. What happened before I left wasn’t me, it doesn’t even feel like me looking back now, but I won’t be letting it repeat.” 

It felt like an age, but eventually Andy’s stern face settled into a small smile. “Then I’m happy for you both. But if you hurt her I will hunt you down.” 

“You might have to get in line, Andrea told me the same thing last week. He and Maya really got close while I was gone,” she commented, sipping some more water. The interrogation had made her a little warm. 

“He was brilliant when she first got out of the hospital. Used to drop food parcels around all the time - I considered moving back in just to benefit,” Andy chuckled. “But they bonded over other stuff and stayed friends. It was good for them both I think.” 

Vic nodded, “and us. He just brings food parcels to the station now. The cannoli last week were incredible. Although his lasagne can’t beat yours - man I am so glad that’s back.” 

“Mmm he always had the sweet stuff down much better,” Carina agreed and then stood up. “Just going to the bathroom, but thank you for talking to me.” 

“Thank you for being honest,” Andy replied, and Carina headed off to the bathroom feeling a little lighter, although she was still sure that Andy wasn’t 100% convinced yet. 

Maya had been half way up the stairs for dinner when she got the call about the team being put on standby for a 4-alarm fire downtown. She’d immediately sighed, and entered the beanery full of her team to have to break the news. 

She’d not missed Carina stiffening a little as she explained the situation, so once she’d finished talking, Maya made sure to go and sit beside her while dinner was being sorted. “ Stai bene ?” 

Carina didn’t look at her, she just kept her hands around her empty glass on the table. “What are the chances of you being called in?” 

“Pretty high,” she told her honestly. “I’m sorry you had to hear all the details.”

“How long will it be?”

Maya reached over and took one of Carina’s hands from the glass, causing her to look up. “You know I can’t answer that. For now we have dinner, and then you should go home - get some rest.” 

“How am I meant to rest when I know you’re out there?” she sighed, and Maya gently rubbed the back of her hand with her thumb. “Can’t I wait for you here?” 

She could see how much Carina was hurting, and it pained her to see that. “Carina this is my job, I know it’s scary, but it’s what I do. Now I’m Captain I don’t go into active fires that often, it’s true-”

“-but you will be when you go tonight,” Carina finished for her. 

“Most likely, yes. And we’ll work as a team, we’re the best, we have each other’s backs. I promise you I will always do everything I can to come home, but I don’t want you suffering every time I have to go to a scene. You’ll end up resenting me for it, and we can’t go there.” 

She knew it was a tricky subject, but they had to cross it eventually. It was something they’d never gone into depth on before, but now they were developing their relationship, Maya knew it was something she had to tackle early on. Being in a relationship with a firefighter came with its own set of challenges, and Maya wanted to do everything she could to help Carina with those. 

With tears in her eyes, Carina responded. “I know. And we will talk about it, we can find solutions, but tonight…” 

“Tonight you can use my bunk,” Maya relented. “But we will talk about it. And you can’t tell Sullivan or Ross because they may fire me for letting you stay.” 

Carina nodded, “thank you,” she said before pulling Maya into a brief hug. “Now food, sí ?” 

“ Sí, mangiamo [yes, let’s eat],” Maya smiled and they both went to go and get their portions. 

Dinner was a mostly jolly affair, but they’d barely finished eating when the call went out. Carina jumped, and immediately looked to her. “ Stai attenta .” 

“ Sempre,” Maya told her, before running downstairs. 

The more she heard about the scene the more she knew this was going to be a long and tricky one. On the journey over she briefed the team, and made sure they were all as prepared as they could be. 

When they arrived they all jumped out and Maya went straight to Chief Ross for instruction. They were heading inside, which wasn’t a huge surprise. It was a large department store, which made accounting for civilians difficult. All staff were accounted for, but there was no real way to know if everyone else had got out or not. The main sweep had been done, but they were being sent in for a further search while the building was still stable enough. 

Maya split the team up, somewhat selfishly taking Vic and Andy with her - it wasn't often they got to work the ground together these days so she decided to take the opportunity. They all headed inside under instruction as to what areas they were to search out, with Andy, Vic, and Maya taking the top floor. 

“I noticed Carina didn’t leave,” Andy commented as they made their way upstairs. 

“Don’t know what you mean,” Maya replied with a jokey hint to her voice before she turned a little more serious. “I need to talk to her about all this.” 

Vic jumped in from just in front of them. “The downside of dating a firefighter.”

“I mean we’re not technically dating yet-” 

“Not my point, Casanova,” Vic chuckled. “Anyway, time to get down to business,” she nodded as they reached their entrance point to the floor. 

As she’d predicted it was a long one. They were finally stood down about 2am, and everyone was exhausted. When they got back to the station everyone almost immediately headed for their bunks, some even forgoing showers for now, and Maya honestly couldn’t blame them. 

Carina hadn’t appeared immediately, which Maya hoped meant she was asleep. She quickly sorted a couple of bits out before heading straight for her office and into the bunk room, where she found Carina lying on one edge of the bed. She had the jumper on that Maya had worn to work that morning, and was curled around one of the pillows. Her face was shrouded in worry as she slept, and Maya was torn over whether to wake her. 

In the end she decided to go around to the other side and lie down as carefully as she could beside her, but the movement was clearly enough as Carina quickly stirred, looking up in a panic which immediately left when she saw Maya in front of her. “You’re back.”

Maya lay on her side, the two of them facing each other. “I am. Everyone’s okay.” 

Carina shifted and immediately wrapped an arm around Maya, pulling her close and tucking her head into Maya's neck. “I was so worried,” she said, her words mumbled by her new position. “Did you go in?”

“I did, we were on search and rescue at first until the building was deemed unsafe, then we joined the fight from outside,” she explained, rubbing Carina's back gently. “There are still crews there, probably will be for a while, it’s far enough out of our patch for us not to have to stay,” she explained. “Everyone's exhausted. It was a tough one. We won't really know for sure if we got everyone out for a while, but as far as we could tell the building was clear.” 

Maya could feel tears against her neck, and she held Carina a little tighter. “Sleep, we will talk later, I'm here now and I'm okay.” 

There was no verbal response, but Carina shifted slightly and Maya rolled to allow her head to rest against her chest, and they both quickly drifted off. 

Maya woke a couple of hours later. Although woke was a loose word, she hadn’t slept much. Something was nagging at her. But she had things to do before the shift ended, so she reluctantly and carefully untangled herself from Carina and went for a quick shower before starting on the required work. 

The station was quiet. She had seen Ben in passing, but there had been no sign of anyone else. She didn't mind, and she had no doubt that B-shift wouldn't begrudge having to help with a few leftover things. She'd stay if required. 

She got her head down and worked on the paperwork, the time passing unknowingly until there was a knock on her door. Looking up, she saw Andy at the door and she gestured for her to come in. “How you doing?” she asked, shutting the door behind her. 

Maya shrugged, “tough call, lots of paperwork, and an imminent difficult conversation.”

“With Carina?” Andy asked, looking over at the bunk door where Maya’s eyes had briefly drifted. “What’s up?” She sat down in one of the chairs opposite and they both returned to looking at each other.

“I don’t really know… Carina was so worried about me being out. And I get that, I do. Being in a relationship with a firefighter isn’t easy. But… I don’t know, something doesn’t add up right. It’s like I know something is wrong but I can’t put my finger on what.” 

Neither of them had heard the bunk door open, so Carina’s voice coming next was somewhat unexpected. 

“I’m sorry, I probably overreacted a little,” she responded to Maya's previous comment. “I just… the whole time you were gone, I couldn’t help but think that if something had happened to you while I was away I might not have known.” 

Andy immediately scoffed, and Maya shot her a warning glance, but this was Andy and she wasn’t just going to keep quiet.

“No, I’m sorry, but you have to see the irony of that statement, surely?”

Carina stayed where she was standing, looking a little confused. “I-” 

“Carina something did happen while you were away. Maya did almost lose her life and you didn’t know about it!” Andy stood up now. “I’m sorry, I tried to make peace, I tried to move on, and I do believe you have good intentions Carina, but can you not see what’s going on here? Maya has done all the heavy lifting, when you were the one that broke everything down in the first place! It was never up to her to contact you. You were the one that refused to listen when your own brother tried to tell you what was happening. The rest of us were watching our friend go through hell and you just buried your head in the sand!”

Maya stood up now. “Alright that's enough.” 

“Maya-”

“I said that's enough, Andy,” she told her firmly. It was a lot of effort to keep her voice steady. She was feeling a lot right now. “Leave us, please.” 

Andy looked at her for a little longer and then thankfully did walk out, leaving Maya and Carina alone.

Carina hadn't moved. She seemed to be waiting for Maya to say something. The trouble was, Maya didn't know what to say. She sat back down, her head swimming, because Andy was right. Maybe not completely, but she had made valid points. Maybe she had been a little too relaxed in welcoming Carina back, and maybe that would ultimately be their downfall if something didn't change. 

“Maya…” Carina finally spoke, her voice shaking. 

Maya looked up at her. “I think you need to leave.”

“Maya I'm sorry, I didn't think-”

“I know you didn't, but you need to. I need to as well. We've skipped too many steps here. I shouldn't have just let things go that easily. I'm sorry, but I… I need some space. We will talk, I promise, just… not now.”

Carina nodded, resigned. “Whenever you're ready.” 

She left. And Maya sank back down into her chair, her mind swimming in conflict.

As soon as Carina got to her car she called Andrea, and on determining he wasn’t working she headed straight to his place. Well, Meredith’s place. But thankfully she was working, as were her sisters, so they would be alone.

She’d cried all the way there, furiously wiping at her eyes. When Andrea opened the door his smile immediately turned to concern. “Come in, come in,” he moved for her to enter and shut the door. He got her to sit on the sofa before rushing to the kitchen and returning with a glass of water. “ Bere l’acqua [drink the water],” he instructed, sitting beside her. 

Carina sipped at the drink and calmed herself down enough to talk after a few minutes. Andrea waited patiently. “I screwed up, Andrea. With Maya. And I know I’ve said this before, I know we’ve had this conversation before, but this is different.” 

He didn’t look surprised. In fact to Carina it almost looked like he had been expecting this, but now wasn’t the time to question that. He was waiting for further explanation, so she continued. “I went to the station after work yesterday . Elio keeps calling and it really bothered me today, but that’s not important right now. I wanted to see Maya, so I went, and while I was there they got called out to a 4-alarm fire, and I was terrified. I waited for them to come back. Fell asleep in Maya’s bunk in the process, and when they did come back she climbed into bed with me and I just… I cried in relief. Relief that she was back. Because I realised that if something had happened to her while I was away then I might never have known, because I wouldn’t let you tell me.” 

“Carina-” Andrea started, but she shook her head.

“I know. Andy was there when I told her after we’d slept. And Andy pointed it out. Something did happen, she almost-” Carina had to pause before she said it, “-she almost died, and I had no idea. Maya’s meant to be my best friend, the woman I love, and I just… left. Ignored everything. Told myself it’s because I wanted her to be happy, but I was just being selfish. And then I came back, and she forgave me, and despite all my doubts I took it. I lapped it up. She kept saying we needed to forget the past, but I shouldn’t have. I let myself be forgiven where I didn’t deserve it, where I should have been doing more, and now she’s realised and I don’t know what to do to make it better.” 

When she had finished she sipped at her water, awaiting her brother’s response. She needed him to be honest with her now, almost brutal. 

Andrea seemed to gather his thoughts before he spoke. He’d picked up his coffee that had been there since her arrival - she ignored that he was drinking the gross American stuff, now wasn’t the time for that.

“I’m going to tell you everything now. And this won’t be easy to hear.” 

Carina shifted herself a little on the sofa. “I know it won’t, but tell me.” 

Andrea nodded and began. “I was really angry at you when it happened,” he told her. “And I never told you that, but maybe I should have. Maybe I should have fought harder to get you home, I don’t know. But I was angry, because Maya needed everyone she loved around her, and you left. And you left for far longer than you’d promised. I know you stayed because Gabriella was going through her chemo treatment, but you were still gone. Andy, Vic, and I discussed it multiple times. One time I almost just sent you a message to tell you, but that wouldn’t have been fair on Maya. Forcing the information upon you didn’t feel right for Maya - that’s what we agreed on. But we could all see how much Maya was hurting. She asked for you a few times when she was at her worst - I don’t think she ever remembered that, but god that stung. Watching her cry out for you when I was powerless to help… those were the worst moments.” 

She was crying again, but she let the tears fall now. Andrea reached over and grabbed a tissue, handing it to her. He’d stopped talking, but Carina told him to keep going.

“I forgave you because Maya forgave you. Maya told me I couldn’t let anything between you two break our relationship, and I promised her it wouldn’t. And it hasn’t, I still love you Carina, you’re still my big sister and I will always love you, and Maya will too - but I think she forgave too easily this time. And I should maybe not have encouraged it either, I’m sure Andy and Vic feel the same, but ultimately this is between you two.” 

Andrea took another drink of his coffee, and it seemed he had finished saying his piece. 

“We’ve talked about what happened, but maybe not well enough. I think Maya avoided telling me the worst, and I didn’t ask, but I should have. She should be able to be fully open with me, I should know how I can help her when she has bad days,” Carina stared into her water, almost willing it to give her all the answers. “She said we would talk, but I told her to wait until she was ready.” 

A hand was placed on her arm and Carina looked up. “That’s a good start. Maya still needs support, she went through a lot.” 

Carina nodded, “I want to get it right this time.” 

“And you will, when Maya is ready.”

Chapter Text

At first Maya was angry at Carina. She hadn’t been angry at Carina in a long time, but now she was. Angry that she’d gone, angry that she’d come back, angry that she had just wanted things to go back to how they were.

Then she was angry at herself. Angry that she had hidden parts of her story, angry that she’d let things go back without revealing everything, angry that she hadn’t been entirely honest. 

She kept going. At work, and at home. Because she was better now, and she wouldn’t let this consume her completely, but she did book extra sessions with Diane. And as always, Diane had been brilliant. She’d helped her see that this wasn’t her fault, but also that they could get through this. This wasn’t the end. 

Carina was a good person underneath all this, Maya knew that.

Andy had been a godsend too. Maya had thanked her for the intervention, and despite everything Andy still supported Maya wanting to get through this with Carina, not without her.

As long as Carina put in the work. 

Carina went to therapy. One night after work while sitting with a glass of wine she had realised something - Maya put in so much work to get to where she is, and what had Carina done? 

She booked a double appointment for 2 days later. 

Naomi was brilliant, and ever so patient. It had taken 10 minutes for Carina to even be able to get words out, but then they spilled. She told her all about Maya, about what had happened, about every mistake she’d made. She asked Naomi to be honest with her, and she was. 

Having someone not directly involved in the situation was helpful. Someone who didn’t know her or Maya, but could listen to the situation and agree things needed to change. The situation was complicated, though one thing was clear - Carina needed help.

2 hours still wasn’t enough, but she booked in again a few days later.

She got over the anger eventually. 

Maya called Andrew. She hadn’t seen him in a couple of weeks. They’d exchanged messages, but she’d taken a step back from him while she was focussing on her initial emotions. It wasn’t fair on Andrew to deal with both sides of this all over again.

But he had asked to meet, and so Maya entered their normal café and found Andrew already at their usual table with a coffee waiting for her. “You’re amazing,” she plonked down, picking up the drink and sipping it, letting out a contended sigh. “We were out half the night at a house fire, and yet I still couldn’t sleep when I got home. Caffeine is a must.” 

Andrew smiled fondly, but with a hint of concern. “How are you doing?” 

“Better,” she answered honestly. “Had a lot of sessions with Diane. She made me realise my anger was valid, but helped me work through it too,” she explained. “I know Carina didn’t mean this, I know she’s not this person really, she just…” 

“She messed up Maya, it’s okay to say that. I know it, she knows it. I’m sorry I didn’t step in sooner.” 

Maya shook her head, “It’s definitely not your fault, or anyone else. I made the decision to let her back in too easily, and I hid a lot too. But I know she should have asked, and she shouldn’t have taken forgiveness so easily. I’m working on not blaming myself too much.” 

A waiter brought over two pastries for them. Andrew thanked him, and then pushed one in her direction. “I needed sugar, figured you might too,” he smiled and Maya thanked him. Then he went back to the conversation at hand. “I’m proud of you, you know.” 

“For upsetting your sister?” Maya asked after she’d taken a bite of her croissant, which tasted completely heavenly. Although that could be partly down to the fact she’d missed lunch - oops.

“For standing up for yourself,” Andrew told her. “Carina needed to hear what Andy said to her, and she needed you to agree. She cares for you deeply, but her way of showing it… well, it’s not been great.” 

Maya nodded, staring down at her coffee for a moment. “How’s she doing?” 

“Are you asking because you want to, or because you think you should?” he checked.

She sighed briefly and then looked up, “I think I’m asking because I love your sister and I really want to believe she’s going to show me she can do better.” 

He smiled, “then she’s doing okay. Not great, but okay. She’s been seeing a therapist.” That caught her attention. “And she did tell me I could share that if I saw you and you asked. She’d been round at mine a lot to be honest - talking things out. She’s trying everything.” 

“Carina is really going to therapy?” 

Andrew nodded, “three times a week. Double sessions.”

She picked up her coffee, taking a sip to give herself a chance to take in this information. Carina was really putting in the effort. This was what Maya needed to see. 

This gave her hope.

Carina had spent more time in this chair than her own sofa in the last three weeks. Granted that was partly because she was spending a fair amount of free time with Andrea, and work had been keeping her busy too.

“You seem lighter today,” Naomi commented after sitting down, giving Carina a lead in to speak.

“Yeah, I feel it,” she replied. “I took what you said last session on board.” 

She’d spent the last three weeks feeling awful, beating herself up, and crying every night (and every therapy session). But then Naomi had pointed out that if she was trying to get better for Maya, that wasn’t the person she’d want to see. 

And that had shifted something inside of her.

That night she’d gone to Andrea’s, arriving before he got home from work. She’d cooked dinner and baked cookies while singing along to Italian music disgustingly loudly. When Andrea had arrived home he’d been somewhat shocked, but they’d talked, and she’d explained how she needed to work on herself, and this was part of it - doing some of the things she loved again.

Of course she still felt guilty, of course she missed Maya, but she needed to be better. She needed to be ready. 

Naomi shifted a little in her seat. Once it was clear Carina had nothing else to say, she spoke again. “I wanted to address something a little different today if you’re up for it,” she started. “Last session you mentioned that long term relationships scared you because of your parents. Now we don’t have to talk about it, these are your sessions, but you asked me to be brutal and honest, and I think that’s something that we should be discussing.”

It was only a matter of time before they got to her childhood, Carina knew that, and she had been the one to mention it last week, but it didn’t stop her heart rate from rising a little at the mere thought of it.

Since she’d left Italy, Carina had done her best to forget about her childhood. At least the family side of it. Of course she had good memories of Italy, but once her parents’ marriage began to break down, and after Mamma and Andrea had left, things just weren’t the same.

“From the outside my childhood probably looked idyllic,” Carina began. “I lived in a beautiful Sicilian town where everybody knew everybody. Mamma would take Andrea and I to the beach regularly, and when we weren’t there we would play in the street with our friends. Those are good memories. But…” she paused, staring down at her hands. “I was 8 when I first remember hearing Mamma and Papà fighting. Andrea was only 3. I remember lying in bed so scared to move, and then he pushed my door open and walked inside, his eyes filled with tears. I just let him come into my bed and I held him tight.” 

Naomi was listening intently. She never took notes, not while Carina was in the room, but she always remembered everything - something that always surprised her. “Did you cry that night?” 

She firmly shook her head. “Andrea needed someone to be there for him. I never let him see me cry over them, even the day he and Mamma left for America.” 

That caught the therapists’ attention. “They moved here when you were young?” 

“Sixteen,” Carina clarified. “Mamma wanted us all to go, but I couldn’t leave Papà on his own. I made her take Andrea and leave me behind.” 

“And how do you feel about that now, looking back?” 

She paused. Usually she defended her Mamma’s decision, and her stubbornness in staying behind, to anyone who asked. 

“I wish she’d fought harder for me.” 

The first time she saw Carina again wasn’t planned. 

Travis had been taken into Grey-Sloan after their last call - he’d fallen on scene - and once everything was cleared up, Maya had gone to visit with a couple of other members of the team - Vic included, of course. 

He was alright, but would be out for a few weeks with a wrist fracture - much to his displeasure. 

Maya went to get him a drink - that’s when they bumped into each other.

Literally.

Like some kind of cheesy movie scene.

“Sorr- Maya? Are you okay?” Carina asked. 

That gave her a little warm feeling, the way Carina immediately checked she was okay.

“I’m fine, it’s Travis - broken arm, but he’ll live. I just came to get drinks,” she gestured to the vending machine. 

Carina nodded, “I’ll leave you to it. It’s good to see you.” 

She started walking away, but Maya called after her, and Carina spun back around. “I’ll message you. Soon. I promise.” 

“Whenever you’re ready,” Carina repeated what she’d told her originally. 

Maya was grateful for that.

Discussing her family in therapy was painful and exhausting. Some days she’d gone home after sessions and just slept. 

Admitting that she resented her Mamma for leaving her behind had been rough. Explaining how her father treated her, especially once Andrea and her Mamma had left, had been worse.

Some of those things she’d never told anyone. 

It wasn’t that he hit her. That would almost be easier to talk about. It was the mental torture that Vincenzo put her through for years. She hadn’t even realised the toll it had taken on her until these conversations. 

A knock on her office door disturbed her thoughts, and Carina called them in, only for Andrea to walk through. “ Che cosa vuoi, fratellino? [what do you want, little brother?] ” she asked grumpily.

“Charming,” he rolled his eyes, shutting the door behind him. “I saw Jo in the cafeteria, she said you seemed very distracted today.” 

She sighed. It wasn’t exactly surprising that Jo had noticed, but Carina had hoped she’d been better at hiding it. 

“Yeah, I-” she paused, not really sure how to explain, “I made the mistake of booking in therapy before work,” she told him. “We’ve started discussing childhood.” 

Andrea sat down in the chair opposite her. “Ah…” 

Carina nodded. “It’s rough.”

“You were an amazing big sister, Carina. You deserved better for that,” he told her. 

“I don’t blame you, never you. You were a child, fratellino, I just wanted you to be safe.” 

“You should never have had to suffer for that,” he told her firmly. “It wasn’t fair. You should have been here with Mamma and I.” 

That was a point she’d been battling with recently. She wished so badly that her Mamma had fought to bring her along, but she also loved Sicily, and the thought of having left there so early in her life also pained her. It was a huge conflict. “Maybe,” she told him vaguely. “I think…” she started, and then stopped herself. 

“What is it? You can tell me, Carina, I promise you,” Andrea gave her an honest look. 

After a couple of deep breaths, she tried again. “I think I need to cut ties with Papà. I don’t think I can allow myself to let him hurt me anymore.” 

Andrea nodded, “I understand. If it’s the right thing for you, I get it.” 

“I’m not expecting you to do the same. You have to do what’s right for you,” she told him. “But I wanted you to know, to be prepared.” 

He stood up, walking around the desk. Carina stood up too, and he pulled her close for a hug. “I’m proud of you, you’re doing an incredible job.” 

She’d been terrified about Andrea’s reaction to this, and him accepting it so easily had her on the verge of tears again. Carina knew she had the best fratellino . 

They eventually separated from the hug. “I think losing that hold over me will be what I need to make that final step.” 

She sat back down, picking up a pen on her desk and twisting it around in her fingers. “Have you seen Maya recently?” she asked, eventually.

Andrea moved to sit back in the chair, although he pulled it around to be closer. “I have, and she’s doing well. She knows you’re in therapy,” he told her.

Carina nodded slowly. “I’m glad she’s doing well,” she replied. “And you haven’t heard from Elio?” 

“I really think he’s moved on, Carina. You haven’t heard anything in weeks, he’s not tried me,” Andrea reassured her.

She still had a weird feeling about him.

It was a surprisingly chilly morning, half way through a run, when Maya decided she was ready. 

She thought about it for the rest of the run, and through her shower, and as she got dressed.

She was still ready. 

So she picked up her phone, and composed a message.

Maya: Hey. I’m sorry it’s been longer than I originally thought, but I just needed a little more time. I’m ready now though, if you are. There’s no rush, but I’m free this afternoon if you are. x

On her 50th read through she finally berated herself for delaying and pressed send.

And then she put her phone down and started tidying the kitchen, because she was nervous.

She was ready now, ready to have this discussion. It was time to have this conversation with Carina, and Maya truly believed they could get into a good place again.

Truthfully, she missed Carina. Deeply. And she hadn’t felt that properly in weeks.

Half an hour later, her phone buzzed, and she never moved so fast as she did to pick it up.

Carina : I told you to take your time, and I’m glad you did. I got called in this morning, but I’ll be finished up soon. Let me know when and where x

Maya : Lunch at mine? 1pm? x

Carina : I’ll be there, and I’ll go via Marco’s x

That made her smile.

1pm. She had 3 hours to prepare. 

Carina got home with half an hour to spare, and suddenly became very nervous. She’d known this was coming. In fact her last therapy session they’d talked about it - which was fairly ideal timing at least. 

She quickly changed into something more comfortable - settling on black jeans and a maroon light jumper given the cooler June weather. It had been an early and long morning with a complex delivery, but that was now the last thing on her mind.

She’d gone via Marco’s on her way home from work and picked out a variety of pastries, so she made sure to grab those before heading back down and getting in her car, taking a deep breath and driving towards Maya’s,

It wasn’t a long drive, but she hadn’t left herself enough time to walk, so she was soon parked up in front of Maya’s building, grabbing the pastry box, and going up to press the buzzer.

When she heard Maya’s voice calling her up her breath caught, and she had to gather herself before heading upstairs. 

Each step felt huge, because each step was huge. Carina was heading towards what might be the most important conversation of her life, and she did not want to mess this up. 

Carina was so focussed that she hadn’t noticed Maya already had the door open. “You look like you’re about to walk into the headmaster’s office,” Maya chuckled, making her look up. 

“Oh, I- um-” 

Maya walked over to her, taking the box. “It’s a good job I got wine,” she joked, “come inside, I’m not gonna bite.” 

She gave a sheepish smile, following Maya inside the apartment and shutting the door behind her. “Sorry, I guess I’m overthinking it already.” 

“I cleaned the kitchen twice while I was waiting for you to arrive,” Maya told her, “I promise we're both nervous, but we’re nervous because we want the same end result here. That’s good.” She watched as Maya placed the pastry box down. “Go sit, I’ll bring wine and food through.” 

Carina nodded, and went to sit on the sofa. She sat on the edge, not feeling able to sit herself back just yet, and looked around the room. Nothing much had changed, which wasn’t overly surprising, although one thing caught her eye - there was a new photo frame on the mantlepiece. She stood up and walked over. It was a photo of the two of them on their first trip around Seattle together. A selfie that Carina had taken - mostly to show off to Andrea that she had made a friend. She was absolutely certain Maya had never printed this out before.

Running a finger down the frame, she couldn’t help but smile at the reminder of where they’d started. They’d clicked so quickly, so easily. Carina had never been one to have many friends before she moved to Seattle - which she now realised was down to her father’s influence. The only exception was Gabriella, who had stubbornly not let Carina pull away - something she would be grateful for.

Her mind briefly switched to Gabri. She hadn’t talked to her much in the last few weeks with all this going on. While she knew her friend was fine, she still worried. At one point she’d truly thought Gabriella wouldn’t make it through the treatment, and that was still hovering over her to some extent. She made a mental note to bring that up with Naomi.

“I thought you might notice that,” Maya’s voice broke the silence and Carina jumped around as if she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t. “It’s fine, you can look. I wouldn’t have it displayed otherwise,” she placed a plate of pastries down on the table and handed Carina a wine glass. 

Maya sat down, and so Carina joined her on the sofa. “How come you printed it?” 

“Diane asked me about my favourite moment with you. I told her it was that day, because it was the day you came into my life. We were both pretty stressed that morning, but it ended up being the best day,” Maya explained.

Carina glanced back over at the picture again. “I’m glad Andy forgot her passport.” 

“Me too,” Maya chuckled slightly, and then returned to explaining the photo. “Diane suggested I print a photo from that day, something to remind me why we’re doing this. I’ve had it up for a week.” 

“Does it help?” Carina asked, suddenly realising she was still looking at the frame and turning her attention back to Maya. 

Maya nodded, “I think it’s part of the reason I felt ready today. I looked at it before I went for my run, and it was on my mind while I ran - I just really wanted to see you,” she blushed a little, and it took everything in Carina not to reach out and brush her hair back as it fell in front of her face. 

When she looked up, Maya spoke again. “Andrew said you’re going to therapy too?” 

“I am,” she confirmed. “Three times a week for 2 hours. It’s been intense. I’m going to slow it down a little soon, I just really wanted to work on some stuff. I spent the first 3 weeks beating myself up constantly, but eventually something clicked when I realised that attitude wasn’t going to get me better. We talked a lot about the mistakes I made, although more recently it’s gone into my childhood…” she trailed off. It was still a difficult topic. “Anyway, that’s a conversation for another day.” 

She wanted Maya to be able to lead this conversation, so Carina sat back a little, taking a small sip of her wine. 

“It’s a brave step, and it helped this process for me a lot - knowing you’d chosen to go. I think I needed to see you were trying too,” Maya told her honestly. 

That was understandable, Carina had expected that. It’s partly why she gave Andrea permission to tell Maya if she asked. “Andy, Andrea, and you made me realise I really messed up with how I treated you when I returned. I’m truly so sorry. I know you told me not to dig deeper, to ask more, but I should have. I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you feeling better to skip the hard stuff. You’re still going to have bad days, and I want to be there for them. I want to know how to help, what you need from me.” 

She watched as Maya placed her glass down, her hands a little shaky and tears in her eyes. “That’s exactly what I needed to hear,” she looked at Carina, and the brunette felt herself let go of a breath she hadn’t realised she was holding. “When we were friends, we were always there for each other, but if we’re progressing this relationship it needs to be more. I want it to be more. I know you’ve held stuff back about Italy too, and I want to hear it. We’re in this through the good and bad times. Sempre .” 

“ Sempre, ” Carina replied, her voice barely a whisper with emotion. “I promise you I’m all in.” 

Maya shifted closer, and Carina felt her heart rate jump a little. Her hand instinctively went to her chest, which made Maya’s eyes widen. “Are you okay?” 

She immediately moved her hand away, “yes! Yes, it’s not like that. I’ve not had any problems, I promise,” Carina reassured her. “I um- my heart rate kinda jumped a little when you moved closer,” she admitted, looking down at her lap.

That got a chuckle out of Maya, who took her hand. “Mine’s racing.” 

Carina looked up, their eyes meeting. Somehow Maya had got even nearer, and there was barely a gap between them. “We- we still need to talk.” 

“Mhm, we do, and we will. But right now… I kinda want to do this,” she closed the gap between them.

And it was magical.

Chapter Text

Maya was happy. That was the best way she could explain it. She was happy. 

Her first kiss with Carina had been two weeks ago, and there had been plenty more since. They’d also talked - a lot - sometimes deep into the night. Carina had asked questions, wanting to know more about how she could help Maya, and in return Maya had listened when Carina talked about Gabriella, about Italy, and about her father. They’d both been through a lot, but now instead of avoiding the hard topics, they were facing them head on - together. Carina had apologised for her behaviour, both pre and post her departure, and Maya was grateful for that. They’d talked it all through, and things were clearer now. They had a fresh start ahead of them.

They weren’t taking things further than kissing and talking, and if Maya was honest she wasn’t ready for that yet. Things were better, much better, but she didn’t want to rush anything. It all still felt a little fragile, and they needed to keep it steady. 

That didn’t stop her from missing Carina deeply, however. They’d barely seen each other the last few days for a variety of reasons - mostly work related. But she was still happy, just a little frustrated.

Still, her mood had made her productive and she was completely up to date on her paperwork, so Maya decided to head to the gym. She quickly changed and made her way up where she found Andy already in there on the bike, and Jack… well, he was just sitting there. “You know sitting in a gym isn’t the same as actually working out, right?” 

Jack rolled his eyes, “just keeping Andy company, that a problem?”

“Yes, I need her - get out,” she threw her towel at him as she prepped the treadmill. Jack threw it straight back, but then did leave.

“So what did you need?” Andy asked as Maya started running after hanging her towel up.

Maya looked over at her, “huh? Oh, nothing really, did that for Jack’s own good. He still gets funny when he sees me on the treadmill,” she explained. “Didn’t want to upset him, but he also won’t actually admit it’s an issue so I came up with another reason to get him out.” 

“Yeah that day really affected him,” Andy agreed. “What brings you up here today?” 

“Up to date on paperwork, fancy a run. Don’t panic - it won’t be a long one, and I didn’t get out this morning,” she reassured her friend. That day had affected more than just Jack, but she had learned to appreciate their concern and not get annoyed by it. 

Andy smirked a little, “distracted by Carina?” 

Since they’d reconnected, and with some fairly deep discussions, Andy had come to accept Carina’s apology. It would still take time for her to be sure, but that absolutely didn’t stop her teasing Maya. 

Right now, Maya wished she had kept her towel nearby to throw. “You and Vic are insufferable!” she rolled her eyes. “No, actually. She’s on nights this week so I haven’t seen her much, plus I got called in here yesterday for B-shift’s crisis so… yeah, not seen much of each other.” 

“Ah, so this is a frustration run,” Andy replied with a knowing nod. 

“A frust- no! This is what I mean, insufferable. We are taking it slow, making sure we get things right this time, there is nothing to be frustrated about! Our jobs are unpredictable, we were always used to that before,” she told her, upping the speed on the treadmill just a touch. 

Andy hummed a little, slowing down on the bike into a cooldown phase. “But you’re still missing her, right?” 

“Don’t make me pull rank on you right now,” Maya responded. “Anyway, maybe we should be talking more about why you and Sullivan are ignoring each other. Anything I should be worried about?” 

Immediately Andy looked a little like a rabbit in headlights. 

“Come on, I know you well enough to know when something’s off. What’s happening?” 

Andy sighed, slowing her legs right down but not getting off the bike. “I don’t know what’s going on, he’s just been acting weird recently. We’ve argued more, things feel strange. Have you noticed anything at work? You probably see more of him than I do in that regard.” 

“He’s been a bit more distant from the station, but I assumed that was down to whatever’s going on with you two,” she explained. “I’ve got a meeting with him later this week, I’ll see if I can gauge anything more.” 

“Thanks,” Andy replied, climbing down from the exercise bike. “We need a girls night soon, it’s been way too long.” 

“Sounds good,” Maya smiled as Andy headed for the showers and she focussed in on her run.

It didn’t last much longer, however, as the klaxon sounded a few minutes later. A fire at a homeless encampment not too far from the station. The call put fear into Maya immediately. Fires like these spread fast, and in a place with lots of people crammed in tightly. She jumped off the treadmill and immediately ran downstairs.

They arrived in good time, and everyone got to work under her instruction. The fire had already made its way through a good number of tents, and seeing these people lose everything they had was heartbreaking, but she had to stay in control of her emotions right now.

The team were working well getting people out and tackling the flames. She observed everything, giving instruction where required, and then she spotted someone running towards the camp. 

“Hey, stay back!” she called out. 

The man looked up, and immediately Maya realised she knew that face. 

It stalled her for a moment, before she ran towards him, but he was already in the thick of it. 

Shit .

She looked up, and spotted Andy. “Herrera! Take over from me! Warren, cover Herrera’s spot!” 

Once she was sure everything was covered, she made her way after the civilian. 

Her brother.

“Mason! What the hell are you doing?!” she called out, looking around for him.

Mason suddenly appeared from behind one of the tents, “stop fucking shouting at me and come help!” he called out, coughing a little and going back. She ran to where he was, and found him assisting an older gentleman out of one of the tents. “This is Graham, he usually has a wheelchair but it was stolen yesterday,” Mason explained.

She wanted to ask so many questions. Why was he here? Was he living here? The last time she’d seen Mason had been years ago, before she’d met Carina. He’d been homeless then, she’d given him art supplies, but the next time she went back he was gone - the only thing left was a mural he’d painted on the bridge. She’d visited that mural many times after that, frequently running by it until it was eventually painted over.  

Since that day she’d concocted many stories about her brother, things she wished for him, but seeing him again… 

“Maya!” 

His call drew her back. “Right, yes, how’s he doing?” 

“He can talk,” Graham responded, but he was coughing quite a bit. 

“Sorry sir, I’m Captain Bishop with Station 19. We’ll get you out of here.” 

“Bishop? Like-” 

“Not right now Graham,” Mason cut him off quickly. “Captain, can you take the left side? If we support on each side, Graham will be able to somewhat walk out.” 

The use of her title stung a little, but Maya nodded. “I’ll follow your lead.” 

They managed to get Graham upright, taking much of his weight, and started walking. Maya let Mason guide them - he clearly knew this place well - and soon enough they’d made it out and over to where Vic and Dean were at the aid car. “I’m going to leave you with these guys, but I’ll check up on you mate, promise,” Mason told Graham.

“Mason wait-” Maya called after him, but he vanished as quickly as he’d appeared.

“Mason?” Vic asked. 

“Not now, carry on here,” Maya told her and immediately went to regroup with Andy.

The rest of the call was smooth. They got the fire out, helped as many people as they could. Maya thought she spotted Mason a couple more times, but when she tried to look before they left he was nowhere to be found. 

On the drive back she found herself staring out of the window, her mind going crazy. When they arrived at the station she jumped out, calling the usual instructions out, congratulating the team on a job well done, and then immediately heading for her office - quickly followed by Vic who shut the door behind her. 

Maya didn’t send her away. She just sat down in her chair and ran her hands over her face. “He was there, Vic. You saw him, right?” 

“I mean, I saw someone, and he did look like you. So… that’s your brother?” she asked tentatively, still standing near the door.

“Yep.” 

“Was he living there?” Vic asked.

Maya wished she knew that. “I’ve no idea. He seemed to know that guy Graham, but I didn’t really have time to ask more questions, and then he’d gone.” 

There was a knock on the door that made them both look up to see Andy outside. Vic quickly let her in. “What’s going on?” 

“Maya’s brother was at the camp,” Vic explained. “He’s the one that Maya followed in to rescue the guy we took in.” 

Andy’s jaw had dropped a little. “Shit, Maya… did you guys talk?” 

“Not really, not more than required, and he’d gone when we finished up. I’ve no idea why he was there. I mean, if he was living there he might have just lost everything and I don’t even know how to help,” she wiped at her teared up eyes out of frustration. “And it’s all stupid anyway because I haven’t seen him in years and he didn’t exactly seem pleased to see me.” 

“It’s not stupid,” Andy reassured her. “He’s your brother, and I know you still care about him.” 

Maya sighed, tipping her head back. “But there’s nothing I can do, is there?” 

Vic piped up in response, walking closer. “Not right now, no, I’m not going to let you sit in here and be moody - you can help me with dinner.” Vic walked over and grabbed Maya’s arm, hauling her up.

“Uh, hold on, who’s Captain here?” Maya questioned. 

Vic continued to direct her across the office, ignoring the question, and Maya had to give in.

Carina was exhausted. The shift had been non-stop all night, but she didn’t want to go home. Something was telling her to visit the station. Maya had been suspiciously quiet all night, not sending anything except the emojis they’d agreed on for her to show she was out and back from a call, and there had only been one of those. 

She grabbed coffee and pastries from the coffee stand on her way out, and then made the drive over. Walking inside, she greeted Cutler on the desk and then knocked on Maya’s door. The blinds were down, but the call to go in came quickly so she opened the door. “ Ciao b- Andrea?” 

The last thing she’d expected when she walked in was to see her brother sitting the other side of the desk from Maya. “Oh hey Carina,” he greeted her. “Good timing.”

She looked between Andrea and Maya, and realised something was definitely wrong. “Maya? Cos’é successo? [What happened]?” 

Andrea stood up, “talk to her, Maya. Tell her about Mason. I have to get to work, but talk to Carina. And eat,” he instructed, before looking at Carina and the coffee and bag in her hand, “beat you,” he grinned and left.

Carina said goodbye, and then grabbed the chair he’d been sitting in, pulling it round to be next to Maya. “Your brother?” she asked.

Maya nodded, “I’ve tried to stop thinking about it, focus on work, Vic even had me cooking at one point, but I can’t…”

“You haven’t seen him for a long time, no?” 

There was a small but noticeable shake of the head. “Not since the time I told you about, just before you came to Seattle.” 

“You took me to see his painting, it was beautiful,” Carina recalled. “Did you see him now?”

“On a call, yesterday. It was a homeless encampment. He just.. appeared. Ran into the fire to help a guy trapped. I went after him, we got the guy out, but then he just disappeared. I think I saw him again but the scene was so busy and when we were closing down he had gone,” Maya explained, her voice quiet and a little shaky.

Carina nodded, leaning over and taking her hand, making sure to take it slow and be sure Maya was happy for her to do so. “Was he living there?” 

“I don’t know… I wish I did. But that fire was extensive, he could have lost everything in it, and I don’t even know if he needs help,” she replied, her eyes tearing up. 

“Oh bella ,” she stroked the back of her hand carefully. “Have you thought about going back to look for him?” 

Maya sighed, “it’s all I’ve thought about.” 

“Then why don’t we go when you finish?” she asked. 

“No you’ve been working all night, you look tired, I can’t ask you to do that,” she shook her head, looking down at their hands. 

Carina put her finger under Maya’s chin and lifted it up gently. “I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want to. I’ll be okay, we can go home and sleep after.” 

The face that looked up at her was fragile and scared. A face full of fear for her brother, tiredness from worry, and appreciation for having someone near. “How long do you have left?” 

Maya glanced at the clock, “about half an hour. I need to finish this report,” she sighed. “It can’t wait.” 

“Then I will give you some space,” she lifted Maya’s hand and kissed the back of it softly. “I’ll be back in half an hour. Don’t forget to have the food Andrea bought you, mine can wait,” she smiled and left the bag she’d bought in on the floor, picking up her coffee and heading up to the beanery. 

She liked visiting the station. It felt like another little home within the city. Maya’s little family had welcomed her back in. They were still watching her closely, she could tell that, but things were getting better. 

When she walked in, Andy looked up from where she had been chopping up some fruit. “Carina hey, didn’t expect to see you, Maya said you were on a night shift last night?” 

Carina nodded, “I was. Just… had a feeling I should pop by this morning.” She walked over to stand beside Andy so they could talk quietly. 

“You and your brother have similar instincts clearly,” Andy replied. “How’s she doing? I assume she told you what happened…?” she checked, they didn’t want to have that form of miscommunication again.

“ Sí, she did. We are going to go back to the encampment when the shift is over, I think she needs to see,” Carina explained. 

Andy nodded, “I agree. It’s really shaken her. She hasn’t even mentioned Mason for ages, but I know he is still so important to her.” 

Maya loved her brother. Through everything that had happened, Mason was the one person in her family she loved, but she was filled with so much guilt around him too, and Carina couldn’t imagine that part of her had changed much. For years Maya had wanted to make things up to Mason, especially since she’d cut ties with her parents, but with no idea where he was that hadn’t been possible. Until now, possibly.

Going back to the camp gave no guarantees. For one, the place had been on fire the previous day, but it was currently the only lead they had, and Carina was not going to sit back on this. She would help Maya. 

Other members of the crew came in over their last half hour of shit, before everyone slowly disappeared to get changed as the end of shift hit. At that point, Carina went back downstairs, and was pleased to find Maya already changed. “All finished?” 

Maya nodded, “thank goodness. Can we go?” 

“Of course, do you want me to drive? We can come back for your car,” she suggested, a little worried about Maya driving right now. She could see how much she was shaking.

Thankfully she agreed, so they got into Carina’s car and Maya directed her to the encampment from the previous night. As they drove, Carina kept her right hand Maya’s leg as much as possible, doing her best to keep her grounded. 

They parked up a short distance away, walking the rest together. As they approached, it was clear to see the devastation the fire had caused, however there were still a decent sized group of people there, seemingly working as a team to put things back together. Maya eventually stopped, and Carina squeezed their joined hands. “Do you see him?” 

Maya’s eyes were scanning the area. She shook her head. 

“Do you want to go closer?” Carina asked.

“No,” she answered quickly. “I don’t want to push it. They’ve been through enough. Besides, I can see,” she sighed. 

“Are you sure? We could go and ask?” Carina checked.

Maya shook her head again. “It’s not fair. Not today.” 

Carina looked at her, she could see the battle going on, she could tell Maya wanted to go over, but she also understood and respected her reasons for not. 

“Okay, then I suggest home and bed,” she gently kissed the top of her head. “Yours or mine?” 

“Yours,” Maya replied quietly. “And I can get my car later, let’s just go.” 

And so they did, Carina keeping her close all the time.

It was a sharp awakening. Maya had suddenly sat up, and it had caused Carina to very quickly wake and follow her up. “ Bambina ?” 

Maya was breathing heavily, clutching her knees over the duvet and there were tears on her cheeks. 

She didn’t respond. 

Carefully, Carina put an arm around her, the other hand resting on her nearest upper arm, rubbing it. “Hey, stai bene, non sei solo. Sono qui. Sempre. [You’re okay, you’re not alone. I’m here. Always.]” 

Maya shifted, her head resting on Carina’s shoulder, getting as close as possible. She kissed the top of her head, continuing to whisper reassuring words in both English and Italian for as long as it took. 

Eventually, her breathing settled, and Maya lifted her head, wiping at her eyes. “I’m sorry.” 

“You do not have to apologise,” Carina told her. “Do you want to talk about it? Was it a bad dream?” 

“More memories than dreams,” Maya replied quietly. “Childhood stuff. My Dad, Mason…” 

Carina gently got her to lay back down, both of them lying facing each other. She brushed Maya’s hair back out of her face. “Seeing him brought it all back, no?” 

Maya nodded a little, before leaning into Carina’s touch. “I need to call Diane, try and see her.” 

“That sounds like a really good idea,” Carina agreed. “But maybe some more sleep first?” 

“I’m scared to sleep…” 

Carina thought for a moment and then sat up, pulling her top off. Maya’s eyes immediately widened, which made her chuckle. “You’ve seen me topless many times, Maya Bishop. Now take yours off.” 

“What? Carina, I-” 

Seeing Maya somewhat speechless was a little entertaining. “I’m not asking for sex, Maya. It’s skin-to-skin therapy. It’s calming, it might help you sleep.” 

“Isn’t that what they do with babies?” she questioned.

“It is, but it’s good for adults too. Trust me?” 

Maya sat up, carefully and somewhat nervously removing her top. “I’ll always trust you.” 

Those words hit deep after everything, but now wasn’t the time to focus on that.

Carina smiled, lying back down and opening her arms for Maya, who settled into her hold. She lifted her head just slightly, and Carina kissed her gently as she wished. “Sleep now, bella . I’m not going anywhere.” 

And soon enough, Maya was asleep again.

Chapter Text

She had been back to the camp multiple times without success. Maya had started to plan her running routes around it, just to see. She was always looking for Mason, but she had also been pleased to see the camp build themselves back up. Of course she wished for a better solution, but at least their community hadn't been broken.

The station had ended up donating some tents. Maya had brought it up casually to seek any interest and they'd clubbed together. It also turned out that Vic knew someone from one of the charities that helped out who was able to advise on the best ones to get.

It didn't feel like enough, but it was something, and when Maya had run past the camp the day after they'd been told the tents were delivered, she could see them there.

It was something.

But still, there was no sign of her brother.

She was just approaching the camp again when something in her ankle twinged, causing her to have to slow to a stop. Maya leaned against a nearby wall and started to stretch it out. She was annoyingly far from home right now, and having learned not to push her ankle when it hurt she knew this would probably involve a cab home. 

Not noticing the man approaching her in a wheelchair, Maya jumped a little when he said hello. “Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.”

Maya looked over to him, and immediately recognised the face. “Hi, you're Graham, right?”

“The very one. You're the Captain that helped save me. I'm very grateful to you and your team,” he told her. “I just got back yesterday, they've already set me up a new tent, and Mason sorted me this new chair.” 

Her heart jumped at her brother's name.

“You two are related, aren't you? You must be. You have the same kind eyes.” 

Maya considered what to say. “We… yes. He's my brother. But that was the first time I'd seen him in a long time. Does he live here?”

“Live here? Oh no dear, he works for Seattle Homeless Outreach. Mason visits us frequently - he brought the new tents down last week apparently,” he explained. 

Mason was working for a homeless charity. He was doing well. She wanted to cry with relief.

Graham continued. “You know, I lost contact with my brother when I was in my late 20s. When I finally found him again he only had a few months left to live. Don't make the same mistakes I did, you should talk to him.” 

“I…” she almost went on to say that Mason didn't want to talk to her, but that wasn't this man's load to bear. And maybe he was right - she had another chance now. “Yeah, you're right.” 

Graham smiled, “excellent news. Now how is that ankle of yours? Need a lift anywhere?” he joked. 

Maya chuckled, “I'll be fine, thank you. I'm glad to see you're doing okay. Can I do anything for you?” 

“Just speak to your brother,” he reiterated. “You are both very wonderful people, I am sure whatever happened can be sorted.” 

If only it was that easy. “I will. I appreciate your help.” 

“It’s the least I could do,” Graham told her. “See you around, Captain,” he added before wheeling back over to the camp. 

Maya managed to walk herself around the corner and away, but her ankle was really hurting. At this point she wasn’t entirely sure if it was physical or psychological, but she knew she needed assistance. 

She pulled her phone out of the zipped pocket it had been in and opened up the Uber app, but then she saw a message notification from Carina, and the pull was immediate.

Carina: Buongiorno bella, I missed you last night. Fancy coffee this morning? 

Her heart fluttered. She really had missed Carina last night, but she’d had some fancy dinner with her doctor friends to attend. 

She shut the Uber app, and dialled Carina.

“Hey! Did you just get back from your run?” Carina asked. Maya could hear her moving about the kitchen. 

“Uh, not exactly,” she sighed. “My ankle went. I’m kinda stuck.” 

Carina seemed to put down what she was doing and rush closer to the phone, her voice becoming clearer. “Where are you? I’ll come and get you now.” 

“I’ll send you my location, it’s not far from the camp we visited. I… someone talked to me about Mason.” 

She hadn’t intended to say that. The plan was to tell Carina once she arrived, but it sort of… came out. 

“What did they say?” Carina asked. Maya could hear the keys clattering as she got ready to leave. “Is he living there?” 

“No, he works for one of the charities. He’s… he’s doing well, I think, it sounds like he is anyway. Do you think we could stop by their headquarters? It’s not far…” 

Carina was now heading downstairs, and so Maya quickly pulled her phone back and sent the location before she forgot. Meanwhile, Carina responded. “Of course we can. Whatever you need. I’ve got your location, I’ll be with you soon. Do you want me to stay on the phone?” 

“No, focus on driving, I’ll see you shortly,” Maya told her and hung up. 

She waited for Carina to arrive, continuing to stretch out her ankle and carefully put weight back on it while she did. Thankfully she was only a 10 minute drive from Carina’s place and soon enough the familiar Porsche pulled up - her favourite Italian immediately jumping out, looking Maya up and down for injury.

“Just my ankle, promise, and it’s getting better already. I just didn’t want to run more on it,” she told her.

Carina let a small smile out. “You wouldn’t have done that before.” 

“I wouldn’t,” Maya agreed. “And I nearly just called a taxi home, but then I saw your message…” 

“I’m glad you called me, I’ll always be here when you need me,” she put an arm around Maya for support. “Let’s get you to the car.” 

“Wait,” Maya stopped her, and Carina looked at her in confusion. “Just wanted to do this,” she quickly pulled her closer and into a deep kiss. 

When they separated, Carina’s smile had gotten much wider, “I keep forgetting we can do that now.” 

“Me too,” Maya giggled slightly, she felt a little like a teenager around Carina at times. “Now you can help me to the car.” 

They parked up near the charity headquarters and Carina quickly went round to help Maya out. “Are you sure you're okay to do this?” she asked. “ Possiamo tornare a casa [we can go home].” 

Maya shook her head, “ Deve essere ora [It has to be now]. Before I change my mind.” 

“ Capisco , andiamo [I understand, let's go].”

Carina kept her hand around Maya's waist to support her as they walked into the building. 

A small bell above the door chimed as they entered the small lobby area. Within moments an older woman came to the desk with a smile on her face. “Good morning, my name’s Maureen, how can I help?” 

Maya went to open her mouth, but suddenly panicked. Sensing it, Carina took over. “We’re actually looking for someone who works here - Mason Bishop?” 

“Can I inquire as to why?” 

“So he does work here?” Maya asked, a little sharply. Carina squeezed her waist slightly, and Maya quickly got the message. “Sorry, I- he's my brother.”

The change in Maureen's demeanor was somewhat immediate. Carina could see her concern. Clearly Mason had talked about his past with his co-workers. “We can't disclose information about staff.”

“I know he works here, I saw him at the fire a couple of weeks ago. I need to talk to him, I'm not the same person he knew before-”

“I cannot disclose any information,” Maureen cut her off. “Unless there's anything else I can help you with, I think you should leave.” 

Carina could feel Maya freeze up in her hold. “Come on bambina , let’s go home.” There was no verbal response, but she did start to turn. “Apologies for the interruption,” Carina said to Maureen, heading out with Maya. But just as they shut the door, a man approached and there was no mistaking who that was. 

She would recognise those eyes anywhere.

“Mason-” 

He stopped, probably because they were somewhat blocking the door. “What are you doing here, Maya? I have work to do.” 

“I know, I- Graham. I saw him. He said you worked here. I’m so proud of you, Mase.” 

“I don’t need your pride. I actually don’t care for it at all,” Mason bit back.

Carina held her tighter, but Maya’s response wasn’t entirely what she expected. “I deserved that,” she admitted, causing both Carina and Mason to look at her slightly shocked.

“What?” 

“I deserved it. I let you down, I fucked up, and I never apologised. Well this is me, apologising. I could’ve done more, I could’ve stood up for you better. I love you Mason, I always have and I always will. Lane was an awful father to us both, but you got the worst of it.” 

She couldn’t stop herself from interrupting. “No, Maya, you suffered too! Look at where it got you-” Maya held her spare hand up to stop her. “Sorry.” 

“I know you care, and I know why you’re saying that, but at least Lane occasionally acted like he cared about me,” she told her, turning back to Mason. “You deserved so much better, Mase.” 

Mason seemed to be considering her words. “When did you last see him?”

Carina felt Maya’s weight drop as her ankle seemed to buckle beneath her. She knew Maya was likely thinking about that day on scene she’d told her about. Thankfully she hadn’t had to see Lane after that, with her evidence in the court case being given via video link. 

“Maya?” Mason stepped forward slightly, as Carina caught Maya’s weight. He then seemed to assess the scene - how Carina had been supporting her. “Are you hurt?” 

“I’m-” she stopped herself from saying ‘fine’. “My ankle started twinging while I was running, Carina came to pick me up. It happened by the encampment, that’s where Graham found me,” Maya explained. “My ankle… I injured it in London, but you probably know that story given it was all over the fucking news,” she sighed. “I used to be so proud of that - winning on a sprained ankle.” 

Mason scoffed, “yeah, I know.” 

Carina knew the story, she knew about Mason’s first OD on that day, and it was clear both siblings were currently thinking about it. She kept quiet, letting Maya speak. “Well I’m not. Not anymore. And my ankle, the pain comes back at times. I used to ignore it, but I realised through therapy that a lot of the pain is psychological. It’s linked to memories - bad ones - with him. That’s why it went just now.” 

“Maya if you’re not ready-” Carina couldn’t help herself. “In the nicest way, I’m kinda holding you up here.” 

Mason reached into his back pocket and pulled out a card. “I’m busy at the moment, but we can meet. Here’s my work number, send me your number and I’ll let you know when I’m free.” 

“R-really?” Maya reached out to take the card almost hesitantly, as if it could be snatched away at the last moment. Her hand was shaking.

In the end, Carina took the card. 

“I’m not promising anything, but I will listen.” 

“That’s all I’m asking,” Maya told him. “I want you to understand I’m not that person anymore.” 

Mason nodded. “I need to get back to work. See you soon.”

They moved to let him in, and the moment the door was shut behind them Carina felt Maya break. She pulled her closer, still bearing a lot of her weight as Maya crashed against her and sobbed into her shoulder. That was a lot for her to handle. 

“Let’s go to mine, bambina. We can rest there.”

“I want to take you on a date,” Maya spoke as she stroked Carina’s hair. They’d slept for a short while, and since waking up half an hour ago had been lying in the bed together, Carina’s head resting on Maya’s chest. “We haven’t done a proper date. Not really. I want to take you out, spoil you, show you off.” 

Carina was gently rubbing circles on Maya’s upper arm as her hand rested there. “Show me off, huh?” 

“Mhm,” Maya confirmed. “You’re the most amazing woman in existence, you should be shown off.” 

Without looking, she could tell Carina was blushing, and she turned her head to kiss the top of Carina’s. “We should go tonight.” 

“Tonight? Aren’t you meeting Cerys?” 

“I know, but I don’t want to wait anymore. I have to get Cerys home by 6:30 anyway. I’ll go home and change, and pick you up at 8” she told her, the plan already forming in her head. 

Carina nodded, “8 it is. What should I wear?” 

“Your favourite dress,” Maya carefully tilted Carina’s head up and lifted her own so she could kiss her lips. “Because it’s also mine.” 

“Do you even know what my favourite dress is?” 

Maya shrugged, “doesn’t matter. I already know it’ll be my favourite.” 

Carina adjusted herself at that to allow them a better angle. “You say all the right things, Maya Bishop.” 

“I know,” Maya grinned and kissed her again. “I’ve still got a couple of hours before I need to leave, what do you fancy doing?” 

She smiled as Carina seemed to be considering her options before eventually settling on one. “Lunch at the café in the park?” 

“ Perfetto, ” Maya replied. “Let’s get ready.” 

After quick showers for both of them, they walked to the park which was near to Carina’s apartment and headed straight for the café. Maya sat down, having been told that if she was organising tonight’s date, then Carina would be buying lunch, and sometimes it was easier not to argue with an Italian woman on a mission.

The weather was perfect. She’d picked a table by the window to look out over the lake which was being perfectly hit by the sun. There were a fair few people around, including a lot of young families. 

And that got Maya thinking. What did their future look like? Were there kids involved? Would they get married? She hadn’t ever thought about these things for her life. Even up until now, she’d been so caught up in starting this new relationship with Carina, in learning to trust her again, that she hadn’t considered anything in the future.

“ Sei pensierosa [you’re thinking hard].” 

Carina’s arrival at the table drew her back from her daydream. She sat down opposite Maya, placing down the number that signified their order. “ Stai bene? ” 

“Do you ever think about our future?” Maya asked, or rather blurted out. “I know we’re taking this slow. I'm not talking immediate future, just… do you think about it?” 

“ Mamma mia, Maya I’ve thought about our future for the last 2 years. Willingly or not, I would dream about it,” Carina answered honestly. 

Maya reached across the table and joined their hands. “What does it look like for you?” 

“You really want to know?” Carina checked.

If someone could tell Maya from two years ago that she’d be sitting here now, discussing a potential future with anyone let alone Carina… well, she’d probably have laughed in their face.

But Maya right now? “Yeah, I really do.” 

Carina cleared her throat a little. “I guess… I thought about a future where we had a couple of kids. Owning our own house with a big backyard. I’d open my own practice like I always dreamed, and it would allow me to work better hours to be home. You’d keep climbing the ranks, and our children would love you. They’d love you so much. We’d all be so proud at your pinning ceremonies. And then after we’d go home and you’d be straight back into Mom mode.” 

“Wow you… you thought a lot for someone who didn’t want to think about me,” Maya tried to joke. “Sorry, that was mean.” 

“But true,” Carina shrugged, keeping their hands connected. “I thought about you a lot, that never changed. But like I said, I didn’t want to hear about you moving on. I was living in my own little stupid fantasy.”

Maya shook her head, “it’s not stupid,” she told her, pausing when the waitress brought their drinks over. They broke their contact for them to be placed down, but as soon as she was gone Maya continued. “Kids? A home? Us being badass women in our fields? That’s exactly what I want. And I never thought I’d hear myself say that. Well, except the last bit I suppose.”

“I can’t say I ever expected to hear you say it either,” Carina replied before taking a small sip of her coffee. “What brought this conversation up?” 

Her gaze drifted back to the window. “Just watching all the families outside, thinking maybe one day that might be us.” 

“It will be,” Carina smiled. She had such a beautiful smile. But Maya realised something. “Are you crying?”

Carina’s hand quickly appears to wipe at her eyes. “I just… guess I didn’t think we’d ever get to this point. So… it’s just, this is everything I wanted, and I nearly screwed it all up. And I know we’re still working on things, and I’m not going to stop that, but this is just… I can’t even describe.”

“I don’t want to live in the past. I want to be us, now and looking forward,” Maya told her. And they were, because now everything was out in the open, looking forward was an option. They both were there to support and trust each other, and they’d never stop now. 

Before Carina could reply, the waitress returned with their food and Maya smiled when she saw her favourite toastie had been ordered. “See this is what reminds me why we’re doing this. You still remember my orders everywhere.” 

“Chicken pesto and salad, every time. You might have changed, but your taste in food definitely hasn’t,” Carina chuckled. 

“Are you calling me predictable?” Maya jokingly gasped.

With a grin, Carina picked up the fork for her salad. “I love it about you. Plus it makes ordering much easier.” 

“You’re lucky you’re cute,” Maya rolled her eyes but couldn’t help smiling. 

She’d truly got so lucky.

Chapter Text

After their café trip, Maya had made her way home and changed before heading to pick Cerys up from school. She hadn’t seen her for a while, with shifts having not fallen in her favour, but she had promised a shopping trip and they’d finally found time which worked for everyone, with the only stipulation from Marie and Jason being to have her home by 6:30 so she had time to do homework before bed. 

When she arrived at the school, Cerys jumped straight into the car and leant over to hug Maya. “I’ve missed you.” 

“Missed you too kid, sorry it’s been so long. How’s school going?” she asked as they both sat back and she started the car.

Cerys put her seatbelt on and started replying enthusiastically. “Great! I made a bunch of friends on the track team, and one of the girls asked me out! We’re going to the movie theatre on Friday.” 

“Ooo a date, huh? Tell me everything ,” Maya grinned.

The rest of the drive was a full rundown of this girl - Leah - and their date plans. Maya was so pleased to see her so happy and having settled into the new school so well. 

Once she’d parked up Maya jumped out, grabbing her cross-body bag from the back of the car. “Alright then, what’s our shopping mission today?” 

“Literally any clothes that don’t make me look like I’m about to go play tennis,” Cerys rolled her eyes. 

It was the conversation that had prompted the offer of the shopping trip. Cerys’ wardrobe had become almost solely tennis inspired outfits thanks to her Mum and Step-Dad, and while Marie and Jason had provided her with new clothes, Cerys was still trying to work out her own style now - which is where Maya had come in. 

Not that she was a fashion expert. In fact she briefly wondered if she should have invited Carina along. 

Maya nodded, “right then. Lead the way.” 

Cerys practically dragged her round the shops after that. There were many different items tried on, but thankfully not quite that many purchased, although Maya definitely did underestimate the impact of this trip on her bank account.

Not that she really minded. 

After an initial reluctance to Maya buying her things, the teenager had quite quickly created a collection of both cropped and oversized tees, flannel shirts, dungarees, jeans, cargos, and shorts of various lengths. Maya really hoped Marie and Jason didn’t mind her buying all this. 

After they left the final clothes shop, Cerys practically jumped on Maya and hugged her. She’d have reciprocated, except she was carrying all the bags. “Thank you so much, you’re the best .” 

“You’re very welcome. There’s one more place I want to go,” she told her and guided Cerys towards her favourite sportswear shop. 

“This place is so cool ,” Cerys gasped as they walked in. “I always used to look at their running stuff. Not surprised you shop here, it’s the best.” 

Maya smiled, “have a look around, I just need to pick up an order,” she told her, heading to the counter. 

While the store worker was retrieving her new running gear, Maya glanced around and spotted Cerys standing by the trainers. She watched her walk up and down, but regularly returned to one pair in particular. She smiled - Cerys had good taste. They were the same trainers that Maya was currently picking up in her order. 

Once she’d got the bag containing her new leggings, tops, and trainers that she’d treated herself to, she made her way over, and noticed how Cerys immediately looked away from the shoes. Maya chuckled a little to herself, “you really think I didn’t notice?” 

Cerys jumped, clearly not having noticed her walking over. “Uh- what?” 

Taking the few steps over to the shoes, she pointed them out. “The best running shoes ever, in my humble opinion. And not just because the company sponsored me for a while. These trainers have been around for years, and nothing has ever beaten them. I still use them to this day.”

She currently looked a little embarrassed at having been spotted, but Cerys also seemed intrigued. “I remember seeing the advert you did when I was little and wanting them so badly . But they weren’t ‘appropriate tennis shoes’ so I wasn’t allowed them.” 

“Well you’re allowed them now,” Maya hinted. 

Cerys nodded, “my social worker agreed with Marie and Jason I can get a part time job over the summer. I think I’ll save up for them.” 

It was sweet how she really wasn’t getting it. All day Cerys had been double checking with Maya before she bought anything, and she had clearly thought this store wasn’t for anything more than picking up her order. “You could, or you could have them right now?” 

“But I can’t afford them-” 

“Cerys, I'm buying them for you,” she rolled her eyes with a smile.

Her jaw dropped, and then she started arguing. “Maya no, you’ve already done too much!” 

“This was actually the whole point of the trip. Marie mentioned to me on the phone that you didn’t have any proper running gear yet, and I told her I’d happily take you to get some,” Maya admitted.

“But there are cheaper stores, we can go to one of those.” 

“Absolutely not! I’m not having my favourite aspiring track star running in cheap goods. Now tell me your shoe size and then we’ll look at the clothes. No arguments!” 

Thankfully Cerys did eventually accept her fate and they got the trainers in her size, plus a variety of running clothes, before they finally made their way back to the car. 

Maya checked her phone, and saw a message from Carina asking how it was going. She quickly replied saying they were just heading back and then put her phone away. “Back we go,” she turned to Cerys, who was looking at her suspiciously. “What?” 

“You were smiling. Like a super big smile. It was weird.” 

“Me smiling is weird?” Maya queried, starting the car.

Cerys shook her head, “no, but that smile wasn’t normal. Who’s the lucky person?” 

Damn, Cerys was onto her. 

“Who said there was a person?” 

“Your face did. So who is it?” 

Maya had to work hard to stay concentrated on the road as she drove. “It’s… complicated.” 

“We’ve got the whole drive back to mine, spill,” Cerys smirked, definitely not going to let it go.

Maya saw a chance to move the conversation away. “You just called it your house?” she smiled. 

Cerys shrugged, “yeah. I like it there. Feels more like home than anywhere before,” she replied. “But stop changing the subject, tell me!” 

There was definitely no getting out of this. For a sixteen-year-old, this girl could be very persuasive. Maya sighed in defeat. “Alright, there might be someone.” 

“I knew it!”

“Alright show off,” Maya chuckled nervously. “So you know I told you how I was super lucky to have some amazing people help me after my hospital stay?” 

Since their initial conversation, Cerys had asked more questions about that time, and while she’d still been cagey on the details, Maya had opened up a little more about her recovery. “Yeah, wait is it one of them? Is it the hot doctor guy?!” 

That really did make her laugh. “It’s actually his even hotter sister,” she briefly looked over to wink at Cerys before putting her focus back on the road. 

“Oh this is juicy! Did he introduce you?” 

“Nah, I met Carina first. We…” she paused, trying to decide how much to share. “We were best friends. I actually met her at the airport when Andrew was late picking her up. For a few years we were so close, but also both kind of denying how we felt…” 

“Why does this sound like it’s about to turn into the storyline of a bad rom-com?” 

Maya rolled her eyes. “I wish I could say you were wrong. But yeah, some stuff happened, she moved back to Italy for 18 months, I kinda told you about that, vaguely, but-” 

“Hold up-” Cerys interrupted, “she’s Italian?! That’s so hot. Amazing catch.” 

“ Sí, lei è italiana, ” Maya grinned. 

Cerys whistled with how impressed she was. “Damn Maya, you speak the language too? And you didn’t realise you were down bad?” 

“Yeah alright cheeky, you’re not the first one to say that,” she shook her head, “we were both idiots, there’s a lot of history, but that’s not important. We’re moving on now, healing, and… she’s incredible. I’m taking her on a date tonight.” 

“Are you happy?” Cerys asked. 

She couldn’t help but smile wider. “Happier than I’ve ever been.” 

“We’re both doing pretty good, huh?” 

“Yeah, we are, and I’m super proud of you. None of this is easy, but you’re still working hard and letting yourself move on,” she reached over and quickly squeezed her hand while they were stopped at the lights. 

It took a moment for Cerys to respond, but Maya waited. Eventually she spoke. “I can’t believe how lucky I’ve got. If you hadn’t turned up at school that day… and getting placed with Marie and Jason - I know the odds on someone my age getting fostered aren’t good, and I bet it’s even less chance of getting fostered by the perfect people. They’ve let me grieve and grow at the same time. I never thought I’d have people looking after me that cared so much, and that would let me be who I want to be…” she wiped at her eyes. “I couldn’t have done it without any of you.” 

They pulled up outside Marie and Jason’s house, and Maya switched the engine off, unbuckling her belt and turning to face Cerys. “We helped, yes. We gave you the stable ground, but you did this. You’ve worked hard, you’ve accepted what’s happening and allowed yourself to move on. You need to give yourself credit too.” 

This time Cerys didn’t reply, and she didn’t ask her too. Maya could see she needed to sit with that one. Instead, they got out of the car and rounded up all of the bags, heading to the door. As they walked up the path, Marie opened the door. “Woah, did you buy out the whole mall?” she joked on seeing the bags.