Work Text:
When Remus walked into the Gryffindor common room on an ordinary June day; a stack of books in one hand and a mug of tea in another, the scene that laid out in front of him was - entertaining, at the very least. There was a group of at least 30 students huddled around something, and Sirius was right in the middle of it, wearing an insane amount of eyeliner (which might have been a bit unusual, but nevertheless very Sirius - style). “He looks good in it though”, Remus thought with a chuckle under his breath.
“Guess who just got the new David Bowie album!”, yelled James.
And before Remus could even open his mouth, Sirius grinned, “Me!”, as the rest of the crowd cheered him on. Remus smiled back at him and put down his things on the couch. He couldn’t deny - as much as he hated big gatherings - David Bowie was clearly the priority.
“The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars.. Quite a mouthful, ain’t it?”Pete said.
“ Alright, quit blabbering.C’mon, Sirius, put it on!”, groaned James.
“Fine, fine. Everyone, quiet the fuck down.”
The boy carefully took the vinyl out of the sleeve and placed it on the record player. Then, after positioning the needle and a bit of magic, the first song has finally started playing.
“Pushing through the market square…
So many mothers sighing..”
Not a breath was heard - everyone was frozen, not letting a single drop of sound go to waste.
“News had just come over..
We had five years left to cry in..”
And just as the last “Five years” slipped out of the player, someone exhaled loudly and everyone started talking again.
“David Bowie is a wizard”, Sirius spoke in awe.
Remus could barely argue with that this time. Usually, whenever any of the marauders said things like; “He ain’t a muggle” or “This is magic”, he took it to heart - being the only half-blood in his circle of friends, he wanted them to understand that not everything has to be magic to be good. Though, he felt it in his heart, as much as he loved muggle music, that David Bowie could not possibly be one.
“D’you think he ever went to Hogwarts?”, asked Peter.
“Who knows, Petey boy, who knows.” James wondered, a solid pinch of irony in his tone.
“Maybe he was educated at home?”
Tugging at his cardigan, Remus sat down into an armchair and stared into the space before him. Five Years was good. In fact, Five Years was very good, it made him want to scream out the lyrics and scratch at his chest, sing along with friends and cry when he felt down, but wasn’t his. In the 12 years of his life, he has been searching for songs. He had proudly proclaimed himself a melomaniac even - and in the last year he has set out to find a song. A song that would truly be his, something to pocket away and store deep in his soul, something that he could listen to find himself when he is lost.
Last summer, the night when Remus came home from his first year at Hogwarts, his parents made a tiny celebration dinner, and decorated the kitchen with flags and little paper moons.
“We’re so proud of you”, Hope planted a kiss on his head.
“Poppy has been writing to us, saying that you’re very brave”, Lyall said. “Not a single tear or complaint…after all the horrible moons. ”
“That’s our Remus”, Hope wrapped her arm around Lyall.
Then, after they ate and talked, Hope turned on the radio and they danced, and talked again; Remus had so much to share after a year of being away. When it was time to clean up, Hope paused for a second, still holding a soapy plate in one hand and a towel in the other.
“What is it, mom?”
“Well, honey, it’s the song on the radio. When me and your dad first met, you see, this song was playing on the radio too, and since then it became ours. A little piece of me and him that unites, a little fraction of our love for each other. Despite our differences, moments like these pull us together. I can call this song mine.” She looked back at the younger Lupin and smiled.
Ever since then, Remus has been on a quest to find his song. Lost in his thoughts, he did not notice that another song had passed, and the third song of the album started.
“I’m an alligator
I’m a mama- papa comin’ for you”
For the first two lines Remus thought that the lyrics were absolute rubbish, but as the song progressed, he slowly started being drawn to it.
“Keep your ‘lectric eye on me, babe
Put your ray gun to my head”
It was space - it was the stars. Remus was floating and the universe around him sparkled in multicoloured lights. Bowie’s voice echoed through eternity, reaching millions of galaxies everywhere, and afterwards, simmering at the back of Remus’ chest. It warmed him and cooled him, it cradled him and pushed him and it tore him apart, the harmonies buzzing and flowing through his limbs.
At the last “freak out in a moonage daydream”, Remus forgot how to breathe. The guitar solo had shivers running up and down his spine as the music ascended higher and higher. And then, it started howling. Wide-eyed, Remus let out a shuddering gasp, but realising where he is right now sat back down. It was ethereal, and scary; it was mesmerising, and dangerous. Remus turned to Sirius in shock and he looked back, with the same terrified and amazed gaze. Sirius smiled, awkwardly and pointed at Remus and then to the player. He understood.
And so, after a year of searching, Remus found his song. His song was a song that reminded him of a part of himself he always rejected, one that he was scared of, his secret. He had never seen it in such a light- so beautiful. As the melody faded out, he stood up and with shaking hands, attempted to take a sip of his tea. His throat was still horribly dry, but this action seemed to help a little, the familiar taste of the beverage grounding him.
“I’ll go.” Remus’ raspy voice faded into the beginning chords of Starman.
“Wait!” Sirius huffed, catching up to him on the steps to their dorm. He reached out and grabbed Remus’ hand, sending electricity through his veins. Remus pulled back.
“What?!” He snapped, unnecessarily rude, he noted.
“Nothing, I… I’m sorry, Moony, I shouldn’t have put it on, who knew that it would- ” Sirius didn’t get to finish his sentence because Remus wrapped him in a tight embrace, only letting go when Sirius started patting his back.
“It’s ok, Sirius. Thank you - for David Bowie.”
“Of course, Moons.”