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Elijah looked up at the digital clock next to the TV. The red digits reading 12:37 AM cut through the dark living room of the apartment, with the only other sources of light coming from the city lights and the reflected moonlight from the snow-covered ground coming through the window. There were also the occasional fireworks, which, though technically illegal in Massachusetts, rang out in true New Year's Day spirit.
“Hey, whaddaya looking at?” said Zoë, noticing Elijah’s spaced-out look as he gazed at the clock, which still had the Goodwill price tag stuck on the side. The pair were good friends, having met each other about a year prior at the pub Eli worked at. They had been having fun playing Mario Kart and drinking apple cider out of coffee mugs, but now both were sitting on the floor, talking about whatever came to their minds.
“Oh, just the time. Kinda late now.” Eli said, snapping out of his momentary trance.
“When has 12 been late for you?” Zoë jokingly said back, making Eli chuckle. “I am getting kinda tired though. Guess the beer is getting to me.”
“It’s not New Year's without booze!” he snapped back. Zoë laughed and got up to walk to the window. It had snowed most of the day, but now the sky was clear, with the moon’s glow shining bright on the white blankets of snow on the ground and on the tops of the trees around the apartment complex. Apart from a few cars driving by on the main road, it was mostly dead outside. She pressed her hand on the window, the cold January air radiating through her fur. Her breath started to fog up the window. Suddenly, a thought came to her head.
“Shit, I forgot to call my parents. Usually, they want me to call them to make sure I’m not out at some bar getting plastered.” She said, pulling her phone out of her pocket, before realizing it was dead. “Fuck, I should have charged it before I came. Would you mind if I used yours?” She asked, turning to face Eli, who had begun to throw away the snack wrappers and cans that were strewn about on the floor.
“Yeah, go right ahead! There should be one in the bedroom.” He said, motioning to the door leading to his room.
“Thanks, man, you’re a lifesaver,” replied Zoë. She started to walk to the bedroom, but before she could get to the door, she was interrupted.
“Your parents really care about you, huh?” Eli said, looking back at her.
“Yeah, I guess they do. They’ve helped me throughout my transition so far. They’re real nice, you should meet them someday!”
Eli was quiet for a second. “That’s really good. I’d like to meet them sometime.”
“I’ll have to see when they’re available. We’ll figure something out!” Zoë said. She now stood at the bedroom door, but as she was about to turn the handle, she heard Eli mumble something to himself. She was about to ask what he said, but she was aware he wasn’t one to shy away from talking to himself sometimes, so she didn’t think much of it.
She opened the door and stepped into Eli’s bedroom, which was relatively sparse aside from the basic things one would expect in a bedroom and a couple of plants. “Looks like he put all of his interior design work into the living room,” she thought to herself. She located the charger on the nightstand and plugged her phone in. As she was exiting the bedroom, she turned for a second and noticed a mirror hung on the wall. She paused for a moment to look at herself.
As she stared at herself in the mirror, a few things came to mind, the first being that she should get a new set of glasses. Then, she thought about how far she had come. She’d known she was trans for probably a decade now, but she had only been transitioning for the past 3 or so years. She used to detest looking in mirrors; she would do everything that came to her mind to avoid looking at her boyish reflection. Her dysphoria would get so overwhelming she would curl up in her bed and cry for what seemed like hours, lamenting being born male. But now, Estrogen had truly done its magic on her, making her look like the woman she truly was. For the first time it seemed, Zoë was truly happy looking in a mirror. She smirked and said “Damn, look at you!” to herself before walking back out of the room.
As she walked out of the room, however, she started to hear what sounded like quiet crying. She slowly walked to the living room and saw Eli sitting on the couch, crying, with his hands up to his eyes.
“Eli?” Zoë blurted out, visibly distraught.
Eli looked up at her, and she could see that he had been crying for a bit; the fur around his eyes was wet with tears, and his eyes were red. Seeing her friend in this state, she immediately rushed to him and sat next to him.
“What’s happening? You can talk to me, Eli.”
“I-it’s.. it’s s..s..”. Eli was shaking, struggling to get any words out. Finally, he managed to blurt out something.
“It’s just so unfair!” He said, his subdued crying now turning into full sobbing as he fully lost his composure.
Zoë was taken aback by Eli’s sudden outburst. She didn’t think too hard about it, though, instead jumping in to comfort him.
“There there, it’s okay, I’m here for you,” she said as she embraced Eli in a tight hug. “What’s going on, Eli? I want to help you in any way I can.”
Eli hugged her back, waiting until he regained some composure to start talking. The pair remained in their embrace for a moment, while he stabilized his breathing enough to speak clearly.
“M-my parents, they… they’re not good people. They’re super devout Christians, and once they figured out their kids weren’t straight and cis… t-they…” Eli hesitated and paused for a second to collect his thoughts. He continued, “I don’t think I’ve ever told you about my s-sibling, Spencer, before… They were one of my best friends. They realized they were genderqueer when they were a teenager, and my p-parents found out. They… They…” He struggled to go on, breaking down again.
“Eli, you don’t have to tell this to me if you don’t want to, I don’t want to force you to talk about your trauma-”
“No, it’s okay, I n-need to tell this to someone. I trust you, Zo.” Eli took some deep breaths and went on. “My parents told Spencer they would go to Hell, that they would only be their son, just… just a bunch of nasty shit. They tried to get them sent to conversion therapy but they… they… they’re n-not with us a-anymore.” Eli started to cry again.
“Oh my god, Eli, I’m so sorry, fuck…” Zoë’s eyes started to water too, as she realized how bad Eli’s situation was. She embraced him once again.
“I didn’t really know where to go after that…” started Eli. “I was so distraught and filled with anger, I… I considered just ending it there. I didn’t know how I could’ve gone on at that point. But I realized that just dying then meant that I could never make something of my life, that I could never stand strong in this world against everything that wanted to drag me down. After I turned 18, I moved out here and didn't even tell my parents where I was moving. I don’t think I’ve talked to them in years... I hope I never do.”
“Eli, just the fact that you’re here today, living in spite of the people who don’t want you here, shows you’re a strong person. I…I’m really proud that you’ve made it his far… and happy too. You’re such a great friend, man… I had no idea something like this happened to you…” Zoë said back, taking off her glasses to wipe the tears from her eyes.
“T-thank you, Zo. That… That means a lot. I’m really happy you’re here.”
“Of course, Eli. Don’t feel like you need to thank me, I’m just doing what friends should do.”
The pair shared another tight hug, with Eli becoming much calmer by the end. Zoë went to the kitchen to get a cup of water for him.
Suddenly, Eli spoke again, “I’ve never told anyone that before. I’ve just been masking it behind my whole joker schtick for all these years… but I trust you enough to hear this. Thank you so much, Zo, really.”
“Of course, man. Thank you for telling me that, I know it was really hard for you.” Zoë replied as she returned with the water. The pair relaxed on the couch for a little while as Eli recovered.
After he finished his water, he was feeling much better, as, at least partially, a large weight was lifted from his shoulders. It was now just past 1 AM, and the two felt like they might be the only ones awake in the building.
Zoë looked outside again, and the white landscape gave her an idea.
“Hey, kinda weird but, do you wanna go outside for a bit?” she asked Eli.
“Now? In this weather?” He retorted.
“Not like we have much better to do, other than go to bed. I like being in the snow, it feels really… peaceful, ya know?”
“You know what, I’ll give in. Just this once.” Zoë smiled and clapped her hands, excited at the chance to frolic in the snow with her friend.
The duo put on some warmer clothing, with Eli donning the Green Bay Packers jacket he had owned since high school. They exited the apartment and walked out into the snow-covered yard. The cold night air hit the two, but Eli welcomed it, as it cooled down his face, still relatively warm from earlier.
Besides the chattering of the pair and the occasional hoot of a nearby owl, it was almost silent outside. Zoë was right, it was indeed peaceful. The snow had collected on the ground through the past couple of days and was up just below their knees.
For no reason in particular, Eli felt compelled to just flop back in the snow. He let himself fall backward and looked up at the clear January sky. He looked at the moon, which shone right on him and the snow around him. At that moment, everything felt so tranquil to him. As he thought about everything that happened just before and the beauty of the night sky and the snow on the ground, he shed a tear, happy that he was still here in spite of everything, and he was hanging out with perhaps his closest friend. He looked up out of the snow at Zoë, who was throwing snowballs at the trees like she was pitching baseballs. Eli got up and walked over to her.
“Hey, Zo?” He said as she turned around, snowball in hand.
“What’s up, Eli?” she said, but just as she got those words out, he surprised her with a tight hug. Zoë wrapped her arms around him, also happy to be there at that moment.
As they shared their embrace, Zoë said, “Hey, I bet I could hit you with a snowball from 50 feet away.”
“Hit me with a snowball and I’ll toss you out on the ice,” Eli said jokingly, motioning to the small pond that was frozen over.
“Aw, whatever ya say, boss,” Zoë replied, lying. She would hit that possum with a snowball, whatever the consequences would be.
The pair would stay in their hug for a bit, as they were bathed in the moonlight that came down from the clear night sky above them.