Chapter Text
Ari walked quietly with her own thoughts, save for the occasional car roaring by. She didn’t miss driving to school every day. Maybe she missed the company while she was in the car, during lunch or when Nicole forced her to skip; but it was too soon to admit that to herself. Denial was her closest companion now.
She kicked a rock and watched it tumble roughly in the dry heat of the day. It didn’t go far, so she just continued to kick it until it eventually fell off the sidewalk. The glare of the sun paired with the lack of foliage made it hard to see where it went, which was too bad, because she was beginning to feel some kinmanship.
Suddenly, a car pulled up next to her, a ‘98 Saturn with an uncountable number of dents. The window rolled down slowly as Ari stared.
“I heard you got dumped. Ya want some Adderall?” Emily popped her head out the window the second it was far enough down and shook a bottle of pills, grinning widely. “I’ll give you a discount!”
Ari sighed. “I wasn’t the one…Ugh, whatever…how much?”
”Oh my God really? You must be fucked up.” Emily was still grinning, which Ari thought was a little inappropriate for the situation, but she wasn’t complaining. It was better than false pity, as far as she was concerned.
“So what if I am? Do you want me to buy or not?” Ari sifted around her backpack for money. “It’s not like I was that against it to begin with.”
“I totally thought you were like…a purity bitch.” Gesturing for Ari to come closer, Emily continued, “They’re 10 a pill.”
“Every time I talk to you, you change the prices! Wasn’t it 5?” Ari protested, cash now in hand.
“Don’t fucking lie to me. I would never sell for 5.”
“Fine, okay. Here.”
The exchange was quick, one pill for 10 dollars, despite Emily’s nagging to get another. Her car sped off and Ari was left with a pill in hand and a sinking feeling that’d been building since the day Nicole left.
She swallowed it dry.
—
Ari wasn’t expecting to face the consequences of her own purchase for at least a week; but her hopes were dashed at 9:45am the very next day.
Dashing into the bathroom between periods for a quick eyeliner fix, she was interrupted before she could even start.
“Hey! Ari!”
Ari spun around to face the source of the voice, almost drawing a line across her nose in the process. “Me?”
Leaning against the sink furthest from Ari, Emily shook the bottle again, her spiky blonde hair looking almost grey in the dingy lighting.
“No duh. Ya want some?”
Ari hesitated before shaking her head.
“Too expensive.” Another pause as she remembered to be morally responsible. “And I’m not a druggie.”
“Suit yourself, purity bitch.” Emily shrugged, sticking the bottle back in her sweatshirt pocket. “Give me your phone.”
”Wh-What?”
“Give me your phone.”
Ari backed up slightly, brows furrowed. “W…Why? Are you threatening me?”
“Fuck no. If I wanted to threaten you, it’d be obvious what I’m doing.” Emily dug through Ari’s backpack before Ari even thought to object and tugged her phone out. “What’s your password, bitch.”
”Jeez—Okay just—Let me do it! Emily!” Ari made a desperate grab for her phone, which Emily was now teasing her with, holding it at arms length.
“Oh my God Ari, do you not trust me with your password? I thought we were like…friends?”
“Ugh, okay princess. I’ll tell you my password. Don’t give it out though.”
“See I knew you loved me!” Emily typed furiously, tongue sticking out slightly in concentration. “Your phone’s slow as shit.”
”Gee thanks,” murmured Ari, crossing her arms.
“Okay I got it! Text me when you want some.” Emily thought for a moment. “But don’t like…cloud up my messages, I need those. Plus this is my burner so I never check it unless it’s business.”
“I wasn’t exactly planning on texting you all the time. On the contrary, I really wasn’t going to text you, period.”
“Yes you will. Now get the fuck out if you aren’t buying or I’ll stuff this whole baggie down your throat until you choke on the plastic and overdose on the pills. Got it?”
“Why would I ever buy from you now?” Ari retorted, nose wrinkled.
“‘Cuz I’m your only option and I won’t grope you or beg you for extra cash like literally every other dealer.” Emily thought for a moment. “Plus I’m not homeless. And I’m hot. Why wouldn’t you buy from me, bitch?”
”Whatever. Thanks Emily.”
“You’re so welcome. Bye!”
Ari walked out of the bathroom still having to fix her eyeliner and 20% more confused than when she walked in.
She rounded the corner and made it all the way into her next class before the biggest part even hit her; she just got a girl’s number without begging for it. Granted, it was an unhinged girl trying to sell her Adderall, but it was still a number .
She hated the little flutter her heart did at the thought, but she convinced herself it was just the leftover Adderall in her system. It almost worked.
Rain was coming down in soaking degrees, so much that downpour would be an understatement.
Ari called it a punishment from God; which she didn’t exactly need more of, so she wasn’t pleased. Huddling under the bus stop wasn’t helping either; it was keeping her drier, but also, uncomfortably close to a ragged guy who may or may not be carrying a stolen purse.
The bus pulled up and she hopped in as enthusiastically as someone has probably ever entered a public city bus.
Popping in her iPod headphones as she sat down; she gazed out the window at the gloomy bus stop. There was a sort of serenity to it, at least as long as she stayed behind the glass.
It reminded of Nicole, who told her to treat her life like watching zoo animals; a safe distance away from danger, and in Nicole’s case, consequences. Everything becomes pleasurable when you leave the glass up.
Ari felt that argument fell apart rather quickly, but she never mentioned that much to Nicole.
She liked to pretend that Nicole would change if she understood how it affected others, which maybe made her one of the zoo animals, too scared and willfully ignorant to risk stepping out of line.
She knew Nicole better than to think she’d really ever change, but it was much easier to just blame herself. It made the problem seem like it could’ve had a solution.
The bus stuttered to a stop, interrupting her thoughts. Streams of people collected around the doors, Ari among them.
Soggy in the rain, she split from the crowd and trudged home, iPod securely tucked in her sleeve. By Nicole’s standards, someone had to be the zoo animal. She was fine with the job if it meant keeping her empathy.