Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Blitzø takes a deep breath, and checks the time on his phone, it’s past 12:30am. Moxxie and him decided to stay behind while the others went home for the weekend to work some overtime as they were starting to get overbooked. Since the trial, business has been booming for IMP. They were constantly getting called out for hits now. Having the extra sets of hands with Loona in the field, and Stolas in the office has been great help, but the boys decided it be best to get ahead. Needless to say it had been a long day for them. The two had only gotten back not even 20 minutes earlier. Blitzø has just been in his office checking emails, and decompressing ever since, while Moxxie put away their weapons.

Blitzø had almost completely zoned out till his friend’s voice brought him back. “Hey, Sir. Im ready to head out.” Moxxie said standing in the doorway. Blitzø stands up from desk, and crosses the room to meet him. “Alright Mox, great job today, you did good!” Blitzø said with as much enthusiasm as he could muster. “Thank you sir! Don’t stay here too much longer, go home and get some rest.” Moxxie replied. “Eh dont worry, Mox, Ill make myself an iced coffee and ill be good to go”! This time, the only response Blitzø got was an unamused stare. He laughed at his friend face and said “Relax. Im heading home in a few, then gonna pass out like a fucking baby”. “Ok good, im sure Stolas will be happy your home too.” Moxxie said with a smug smirk, which resulted in Blitzø turning to hide his blush. “Yeah yeah” he responded as used his Asmodean crystal to opened a portal home for Moxxie. “See ya Monday, say hi to Mill’s for me.” “Will do, night Blitzø.” Moxxie said as he stepped through the portal.

Soon as the portal closes Blitzø lets out a built up exhale. As he starts to move back to his desk, his eye catches the framed advertisement from his time in the circus he hung on the wall, stopping him in his tracks. Even though he isn’t a clown anymore, Blitzø never felt like he’s ever stopped preforming. He’s always had to keep up an act to get by. This version of himself, this character essentially, has been his armour for so long, it is now part of him. All of the feelings and emotions he doesn’t want to show get bottled up till its too much. He pushes it down till he cant take it anymore, and can let it go in private, so nobody can see, which is more often than not in an unhealthy way.

It’s not that he wants to keep this up, especially to the ones he is close with, but it’s his instinct to protect himself. To his credit though, Blitzø has been trying to change. Since he reconnected with Fizzarolli, he has been slowly but surely been opening up. It hasn’t been easy, he has fallen into old habits of over-protecting himself time to time. Such as the last full moon of his and Stolas’s arrangement, as well as the day after. Although he doesn’t carry full blame for what happened, he knows he could’ve chosen his words better, especially the next morning, but that doesnt matter now, the point is, through the hurt, he’s been working hard on himself. He’s let himself open up, and accept some of the feelings he denied himself in the past.

Hell, he hasn’t been this open since the circus, when he could talk to Fizz, his mom, and twin sister. Even then though, he had his walls up, building more and more as he grew up. This was mainly caused by his father. He learned the hard way to only share certain information with his mom and sister. If Blitzø talked to either of them about the abuse, and word got back to his father, either him, or worse, his family could get hurt. Fizz became the only person he could comfortably talk to. He was able to share anything with him, show his feelings, and be his true self. In return Fizz reciprocated with the same gesture. So when the accident occurred, and he lost the three most important people in his life, he bordered up the gates he would let them through. This way, nobody can be let in, just for someone to get hurt in the end.

That’s all in the past now. Plus he has Fizz back now and he sure as hell isn’t loosing him again. The rest of his time in the circus is nothing for him to worry about now. Ok, so he has one bottle still, thats ok, he’s growing one step at a time. He’s letting himself be loved again, and is reciprocating it. Two years ago that would’ve been impossible for him. Blitzø’s and his daughter’s relationship has never been better, he has let Millie see the more fragile side of him, and Moxxie and him have been more in sync than ever! On top of that, he has Stolas, and their growing connection has never been healthier!

This is a good thing. Blitzø’s life is the best it’s been since… well, ever really. Blitzø should be happy, not that Blitzø isn’t grateful for where he is right now, but something isn’t settling right with him. This feeling isn’t unfamiliar to him. He’s used to feeling on edge. Blitzø learnt from a young age not to be comfortable with where you are, as that can be ruined in a blink of an eye. The accident and its ripple effect of struggles he has gone through has proven that theory time and time again. Except this time, Blitzø can’t loose what he has. Maybe he has to bottle this up as well, so be it. He can handle two bottles, he’s held on to way more than that before.

Blitzø’s brain gets pulled back to reality when his phone vibrates. Realizing how lost in thought he was he grabs his phone in a hurry to check the time. Only 12:45am. Blitzø eases up, he felt like he been stuck there for hours. He then check to see what the notification was.

Loona: Hey dad! Hope the mission went ok and youre home safe! Im gonna stay the night at Gigi’s, hope that ok! Love you!

Blitzø: hay loonytoony im just goin hoem now. C u tomorerow! B safe love u 2!

After responding to his daughter, Blitzø gathers his stuff, and opens a portal through to his apartment. He enters right behind the couch, where he expected Stolas to be sleeping. Except Stolas wasnt there. “Hey Stols! Im home!” He said in confusion. Blitzø slowly turns around, examining the apartment for the Goetia, as he continues, “Sorry im back so late. Took Mox and I longer than we thought-“ he said trailing off, as he spots an abundance of alcohol bottles in the kitchen. “What the fuck?” Some were standing empty, while others spilt over on the counter. The bottle were creating a path leading up to Stolas. Hes standing over the counter, facing away from Blitzø, bottle in hand.

“Stolas?” Blitzø says, cautiously moving across the room, to be by his side. The Imp only receiving silence, puts a light hand on the birds back. “Stolas? What’s going on?”

Chapter Text

Stolas’s life has always been planned out for him. Being born a Prince of the Ars Goetia, he was young he had expectations and responsibilities put on to him, giving him no time to grow and learn about himself, let alone be a normal kid. At age ten was engaged with the purpose to birth an heir. No matter how much he could protest, he knew that nothing would change. He was stuck in this life. This life he didn’t want.

As a result, before Stolas was even a teenager, he started to controlling his eating habits. He did this gain some sense of authority in his life, The less he ate, the more power he felt he had, even if the only one who knew was himself. Once Stella came into the picture, Stolas’s habits got worse. She would abuse him both mentally and physically, which made his dwindling mental state even worse. Sometimes it got so bad he would force himself to throw up. He just needed something to be up to him. Yes, this was not the best thing for him to do, but he justified it by saying to himself “I am a goetia, I am immortal. I have the power to control this”.
At this point the damage has been done. He has gone so far with his habits, he has unconsciously lost control

Not everything in his life was all had though. The one positive to come out of his life was his beloved daughter, Octavia. Soon as Via hatched, she became the only good thing in his life. She was his motivation through all of the abuse he endured. He wanted to give this girl the opportunity to have what he never had, a normal life. The next seventeen years, the one thing Stolas was dedicated to was doing his best to make sure Octavia felt loved. Even when he messed up, he would do his best to make it up to her.

Unfortunately during this time, Stella’s abuse only had gotten worse, leading him to take start taking antidepressants. His eating habits also continued. He rarely threw his food up now, but thats only because he limited his eating so much. Stella made him feel worthless, but he knew he had some worth, because he had his daughter. She was his single focus in life

That was until he reunited with his childhood friend, Blitzø. After the night they spent together, and Stolas created the not so legal arrangement between them. Stolas found something new that he could care about. Not only that, he found the strength to leave his wife. Life was suddenly thrilling and new. As much as he loved his daughter, she was getting older. He wanted to explore this side of himself he never got to know. He just didn’t intend to push her away while doing so.

In this uncharted territory of the past year, Stolas has made many mistakes, often unknowingly. He often used degrading language towards Blitzø, calling him things such as ‘his impish plaything’. Or even just talking to him as he was less then, even though he saw them as equals. This comes from how he’s grown up, with how he’s been taught about status and all. That doesn’t excuse his actions of course, and he understands this, but he knows where he’s gone wrong, and what he has to learn, or rather unlearn. Unfortunately, his mistakes dont end there. With his focus on his relationship with Blitzø, he’s let his relationship with Via slip. On more then one occasion he put Blitzø before her, and even when Via would forgive him, he could still tell she was hurt. That was until the trial.

The trial brought many peices of Stolas’s life into the light. Blitzø’s use of the grimore came forward, and he was going to pay the price for the entirety of the arrangement. Stolas knew it was not right to let him take the fall. He came forth as Blitzø was about to be executed, and took the blame to save his life. Knowing this would mean, this day would be his last, it was the right thing to do. This was how he would make up for the mistakes he’s made.

In the end, Stolas’s consequence for his actions was the loss of his status, and power, for the next 100 years. That was something he could live with, something he could adjust to. What he couldn’t stand to lose, was his daughter. He tried to contact her for over a month, till he got the chance to see her, but by then she wanted nothing to do with him. He can’t blame her either. He has broken countless promises, and done things that have affected her so negatively. He has not been there for her like he should’ve, especially during this difficult year of their lives. On top of that, who knows what her mother and uncle have been telling her about him. How could she ever forgive him this time? Not that he deserves it.

The only thing Stolas has going for him now, is Blitzø. Not that it makes up for everything he lost, of course, but Blitzø has been his light through the dark. He has done so much for him, nothing he deserves. Blitzø has not only given him a place to stay, food, clothes, a job, but saved his life when he was about to be killed by his ex-brother in law. He has been nothing short of being the most kind, caring and generous to Stolas throughout this tough time. They have been able to build up their relationship. What they are has yet to be discussed, but it’s undoubtedly nothing short of loving and healthy. He has gotten to know the Imp better then ever before, and has many questions he wants to know the answer to. Like, why does he face is crossed out in every picture on the wall, or how his life was like when he was young? Stolas loves Blitzø. He wants to know the good and the bad, and hes positive Blitzø feels the same way towards him.

He knows Blitzø will support him with his with depression and eating struggles, but that doesn’t make it any easier for him to talk about it. Unsure why this is, he feels like he must hide this side of himself. Maybe it’s the memories of his childhood, and its some of the lasting affects the abuse he endured from Stella? Maybe it’s the lack of wanting to admit to himself that he’s struggling as much as he is? Maybe its that he wants himself to struggle as self-punishment? Or maybe it’s him not wanting to feel like he is burdening Blitzø with this, when he has done so much for him already? Hell, its probably all of this combined. Whatever it is, Stolas has been doing his best to hide this from Blitzø.

For the first month of living together, he didnt tell Blitzø that he needed medication, and went without, till Blitzø found out, and got him his prescription. He has also lied to him, saying ‘goetias dont need to eat much’, and has taken lesser portions while eating together, sometimes not even finishing that.

He hates lying to Blitzø, he wants to make whatever they have and honest relationship, he cant help himself. He is positive Blitzø doesn’t believe him anyways, though. He has noticed he has put more food on his plate. Not wanting to be rude he has eaten more then he has liked. To make up for the extra food eaten, he started to throw it up soon as he was alone, persistently again.

Today, he went for lunch with Blitzø. They had gone to a nice little Italian dinner run by a sinner that hired IMP in the past. Blitzø had been craving one of their pizzas all week, so Stolas offered to accompany him on their break. To Stolas’s surprise, Blitzø only ordered a few slices of just plain cheese pizza, and got packets of hot sauce to drown them in. When asking why he had such a simple order, Blitzø explained him and Moxxie would be working late, and just wanted something basic to not cause any later problems. Stolas ordered a pasta with some vegetables and rats, which he was very glad they offered. He was planning on just eating around a third of his meal, and saving the rest for later.

That changed when he received his meal, tasting it made him immediately understand why Blitzø was craving this food. He ended up eating almost half of the dish. He had also missed breakfast and not eaten much the night before, so his body needed it, but this was still more food then he planned on having. Not only that, the pasta made it feel heavier in his stomach.

Stolas got through the rest of the day, with his mind overthinking about his meal. Soon as he got home, he went to the bathroom. With Loona being out for the night, and Blitzø working, this was his perfect chance. He tried his hardest to throw up his lunch, but he couldn’t manage to get it come back up. He knew Blitzø wouldn’t be home till late, so he tried another approach. He looked through the kitchen till he found the alcohol. Its was more stocked then normal as Blitzø got some Beelzejuice on sale after Sinsmas, to go along with other drinks he already had leftovers of. Stolas grabbed a couple bottle and started drinking. He needed to have this power. He needed control over this part of his life.

The night turned into a blur. Stolas lost track on how much he has drunk, but that didn’t matter, he still hadn’t thrown up. Hours had passed by the time he heard a portal open behind him. He had planned to clean up before Blitzø got home, but without completing his goal, that went out the window. Blitzø’s voice came from behind him. “Hey Stols! Im home!” As the imp continued talking, Stolas stayed silent, frozen in place. Drunken panic set in, trying to plan out how he is going to explain this. ‘Maybe he wont notice?’ “What the fuck?” ‘He noticed’.

“Stolas?” He heard Blitzø say, followed by footsteps slowly moving towards him. Stolas still unable to think of anything to respond with, stayed still. When Blitzø reached his side he felt him put light hand on his back. That started to get tears forming in Stolas’s eyes. “Stolas? What’s going on?”