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Carrots, Toji thought to himself. He stared down at the different brands, mentally comparing the prices to each other. Putting effort into something so mundane felt a little stupid, and it didn’t honestly matter that much to him. But, it did matter to his wife, and she mattered to him.
After careful deliberation, he finally went with the organic ones. He then moved on to getting the next thing, then the next, until finally he was done with the errand altogether. After paying the cashier, who seemed to act oddly timid when it was his turn, he made his way back to his apartment.
It wasn’t extravagant. But, between living in a pit of curses, or being in a nice, warm home with the person he cared about the most in the world—the apartment was a better choice in every regard.
He had a hard time remembering specific details about his previous habitations. Everything about his past had become a hazy mess; making it impossible for him to have anything to reminisce about. He’d have to live out the rest of his days looking over his shoulder—that was something that couldn’t be expunged.
He couldn’t recall who, how many, or when he killed. He just knew that he had, at some point. And, his wife had no idea. From her perspective—and he knew this because she had told him during one of their late-night conversations, he had just had a “difficult” past.
He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. He cared about her, a feeling which seldom happened to him. He felt compelled to be truthful, but never would be. It would be uncomfortable for him, and devastating for her.
The way he felt now, walking home from a mundane errand, was the closest to peace he had ever gotten to. And, he wanted to hold on to it, much to his own surprise.
As he walked up the stairs, he pulled out the keys from his pocket. The building had about eight stories, and around 200 tenants. Their neighbors were an insufferable newly wed couple; who they were subjugated to at least twice a week, and always at midnight. And, an old man, who talked to Toji occasionally; or rather, who talked at him. Toji had no interest in their neighbors' lives, so a warm reception was never afforded to him. It was always afforded to Mrs. Fushiguro, though. And it made sense.
He wondered if she was even at home, or if she was working overtime. He had a job as well, one that was more “conventional” by societal standards. In all honesty, if he was offered a job, he would take it. Everyone in Jujustu society seemed to think he was dead, or missing somewhere, so his services weren’t called upon like before.
The apartment was dark, confirming his previous deduction. He set down the plastic bags, and began to start filling their fridge. He started to wonder what he was going to cook for dinner tonight as he was doing this. That was his biggest problem as of now; something younger him couldn’t have dreamed of.
Finishing, he ran a hand through his hair, and decided to take a shower before starting dinner. When he turned around, he was met with the sight of his wife. For a normal person, her sudden appearance would be startling. He instead felt a surge of adrenaline, and he quickly schooled himself back to a steady emotional state. None of this showed on his face, not even as much as his eyes widening.
He stared down at her, emotionless. He saw a cake in her hands, and it was decorated in blue and white frosting. He could tell it was made by her, but he wasn’t sure what for. Maybe she just wanted sweets, he figured.
He continued to stare, switching his gaze from her to the cake. Understanding that he was asking her the question, “What is this for”, she answered him.
“Tochan,” This was her nickname for him. He didn’t mind it when she called him that, and that was the closest he could get to admitting that he found it endearing, “I made a cake for you.”
“Why? I didn’t want cake for dinner.”
She let out a short laugh, though wasn’t malicious; she found his overly-serious nature to be cute.
“Well, I mean, today’s important.”
He continued to stare with his notoriously blank expression. “Is it a holiday?”
Her eyebrows dipped, and scrunched together. Toji couldn’t understand why she looked so worried from a simple answer.
“You really don’t know?”
If this had been any other person, she would have assumed they were joking or prolonging the bit. However, Toji rarely joked around, and when he did, it came without a warning.
“Am I supposed to?” He replied.
Slowly, she set down the cake on the small table in the middle of the kitchen. She then placed both her hands on either side of his face, and looked at him. His facial expression remained the same, and the only thing that gave him away was the slight dusting of pink on his cheeks.
They stayed like this for a moment, before she finally said, “It’s your birthday today.”
This then jogged his memory. He did remember telling her his birthdate, which to this day, he wasn’t even sure if it was correct. He was a defective member of the clan, and because his existence was so undesirable, it was deemed unimportant. Unimportant enough to where it wasn’t written down immediately.
This was not the story he told her. It had to have been at the early stages of their relationship, as he only would have told his birthdate her if she had brought it up first.
“Oh, yeah. I guess it is today.”
She shook her head slightly. “That’s it?”
He looked off at nothing in particular. “Thank you for the cake.”
She felt a warmth begin to spread in her chest, and she smiled at him. “That’s not what I meant. But, you’re welcome. You’re adorable.”
He only blinked slowly and lazily at this, not sure how to respond. He had only been described as “adorable” by a female curse that wanted to eat him, so unfortunately, that was all he was thinking about.
And, he also didn’t know how to respond because this was new to him; his birthday never had been celebrated in a traditional sense. He could count on one hand how many times someone even said ‘Happy Birthday’ to him, before his defection from the Zenin’s.
She then gently pulled his face towards her‘s, and for a moment, Toji didn’t think about anything else. Not about the curses he always sensed, or the haziness of his life. He didn’t feel like he was on the verge of a cliff, that he was bound to fall off someday. She felt warm, and it reminded him that he had an absence of that for most of his life.
They separated, and she continued to hold his face. She lingered there for a couple of moments, before she broke their silence.
“So…do you want to eat it? It can be dessert after we eat dinner.”
He nodded, a precise, prolonged movement.
“Yeah. I got squid from the store, so we are having that tonight.”
“Ah, nice choice. We haven’t had that in a while. You want me to help?”
“No, I got it.”
She pulled them both together once more, and Toji wondered if she could feel his heart rate. It was odd to him, that these were the circumstances that now caused him to feel. Not boastful pride or ego, but something less abrasive, something soft; something that didn’t make feel like his skin was being sliced into.
As her hands left his face, she whispered,
“Happy Birthday, Toji.” She had a genuine, loving smile on her face.
She then exited the room, and Toji felt a disembodied sense of loss overtake him.