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Minji was feeling slightly - if not highly - conflicted about Hanni's excitement over Sabrina Carpenter. Yes, she was indeed absolutely beautiful and her voice equally stunning, and honestly Minji herself found herself quite attracted to the singer.
What was bothering her though was the fact that Hanni wasn't the type to just yep around about her girl crushes. Quite the opposite, actually; she even tried to hide the fact she had that model as her wallpaper during a live one day. Why to be so open about this blonde girl, though? What was so different about her?
– Blonde, bright blue cat like eyes, and she's quite short as well, shorter than Hanni - that was what she heard Dani say when she shared her thoughts with her.
– So Hanni likes short girls? - Minji reasoned, certain that just being white and having blue eyes wasn't enough, Billie Eilish had two of those things as well and Hanni didn't get all hyped up over her, not as Dani and herself got, at least.
– Maybe she likes the idea of being taller - Dani shrugged, typing on phone.
Minji wasn't sure, but it felt like this was the answer she didn't want to get. For some reason, Hanni having a crush whom was an absolutely opposite of herself was quite upsetting.
What about being taller than someone you like? She already kissed people taller and shorter than her, it was not big deal. Not that Hanni wanted to kiss Sabrina, though she seemed bumped over the fact she had a boyfriend, but maybe it was just a joke or something. Hanni was as much as her last name could give, "pan", but that was a fact she obviously wouldn't say out loud as she is an idol and was a foreigner in a homophobic country. And again, she was an idol. Not that Minji cared that much as a sapphic herself. She talked about girls all the time with their fans, but Korea seemed to pretend queer people didn't existed as long they didn't use any official term in the LGBTQIA+ community. You could say you didn't have preferences on dating people, and they would keep you treating as straight as a ruler. It was almost comical if it wasn't sad.
– You seem off - Dani mentioned, leaving her phone aside for a minute - What happened? - there was a color of concern in her voice and brown eyes.
Danielle was wasian, her father was a blonde guy with probably green eyes, Minji didn't record at the moment, but she was aware about how sterioptically white her friend's father was. She didn't get why she was thinking about that at the moment, or maybe she didn't want to think it through.
– Just thinking... Thoughts - she shrugged, trying to decieve Dani's attent eyes.
– Thoughts on Hanni's crush over the short blonde Hollywood star? - Dani smile had a glint of teasing, Minji could sense that.
– You're talking like I care about Hanni having a celebrity crush - Minji laughed it off - Come on, Dani, why would I care about something like this? I have a crush on Billie Eilish myself, and so what? Plus, Hanni is single and free to mingle, I don't have anything with her business.
Dani didn't push feather, just analyzed the taller for a moment before coming back to her phone.
They had so much in their plate at the moment, not only idol life as crazy as it was, but also that whole deal with their own company. It was insane to think that everything could fall down at any moment, even through contracts and so many people by their side. She wasn't sure how they were getting that far, really, but she was glad they were.
Either way, Minji missed going to the studio, to sing and put her feelings out there with melodies. With all those things happening, comeback wasn't something they would get for awhile, so new songs were out of reach.
– You could do a cover - Hyein said when they were at the studio to some vocal training.
Minji have mentioned about how she missed singing new songs, something out of their repertory. There was just her and the maknae at the room at the moment.
– I got a Laufey song I still have to make some adjusts, so... I don't know. Wouldn't be weird to have more?
– Why? - Hyein reasoned - You're a singer, unnie. We are. Hanni unnie sings covers all the time on her lives, why don't you do the same?
– I don't get Hanni's singing skills - she answered - People are already used to Hanni and her guitar. That's not my type of live.
– Yeah, your type of live is flirting with bunnies - the maknae teased, and Minji pretended to throw a pen on her, laughing with her.
– I'm serious, Hyein. If I get to do a cover, I want to make it a whole thing, you know?
– So just do it!! - Hyein lowered her voice in a funny way - Come one, unnie! Don't you have any song in mind that you're, you know, feeling the vibes?
Minji thought for a moment. Was there any song she was into these days? Well, yeah, the whole Billie Eilish new album was a good example, but she didn't feel like singing any of them at the moment, for some odd reason she didn't know.
A whole week passed since Hyein told her to do another cover, and even though she had kinda already accepted the idea, she didn't seem to actually feel "the vibe" from anything yet. That, of course, before she listened to a certain song coming from Hanni's bedroom. It was clearly one of her One Direction members playlist, she was listening to them quite often since Liam passed away. It made sense, it wasn't being easy day on little Pham, and it broke her heart how powerless she felt about that. She didn't want the girl suffering the way she was, it wasn't fair.
"I want her long blonde hair, I want her magic touch. Yeah, 'cause maybe then, you'd want me just as much"
For some reason, those lyrics were hitting harder than they should.
Minji shook her head, it wasn't time for that, Hanni need a friend at the moment, and Minji was that friend. Stepping patiently to her door, three knocks were enough for her presence be warned.
In that night, Hanni cried on her arms. Small, foggy glasses on her pretty little face. It teared Minji's heart at pieces, but there was only much she could do. Hugging her, soothing her... That's all she could give at the moment, though she wanted to give so much more.
– Wow, man! Since when you listen to Harry? - Hanni said when she got in the company room Minji was in, the one she usually did lives.
Minji was writing a few things down, training how vocals with the help of a guitar. As a background sound, there was a Harry Styles playlist playing. She put it on as she was preparing herself to make a cover of his cover. "Girl Crush" wasn't leaving her mind for days, so she gave up on trying to avoid it.
– Getting used to his voice - Minji shrugged, putting her guitar aside to take her phone on the desk.
– Why? - Hanni seemed a little confused.
– I'm doing a cover of his cover. I heard the original, but I like the vibe his gets better. Seems sadder, I don't know.
– Yeah, cause it's gay as fuck - Hanni laughed a little, watching Minji scroll through her phone - I mean, the original is about a straight woman envious of another girl that was with the guy she liked. When Harry sings, sounds a lot more queer.
– Like he wants to be with the guy the blonde girl is with? - Minji asked, and Hanni nodded - Oh my God, Larry shippers probably got insane when he released this cover, right?
– Oh yeah, trust me, it was wild back then. Millions of fanfictions "Girl Crush" inspired for sure - Hanni commented humoursly, her smile reaching her eyes as they were talking about her favorite band.
It was cute, actually, how excited she always got when talking about anything One Direction related.
– Have you read any of ours at some point? - Minji decided to ask, partially because she was indeed curious, partially because she wanted to tease Hanni.
– Me? No, have you? - she seemed a little troubled with her question.
– Yeah, sometimes - Minji shrugged.
– Why, bro? - Hanni laughed a little nervously.
– I don't know, don't you get curious? I mean, it's not really us, it's just... Fiction, you know? More like we're actors in those wild fanfictions universes. It's kinda fun if you think about it.
– Yeah, I get it, but you said "our" fanfictions, I thought you were talking about shipping stuff - Hanni took the phone from her pocket.
– Yeah? So what? You still read Larry fanfictions. They're real people too, ya know?
Minji smiled victoriously when she saw the pair of peeved eyes glaring at her.
– Yeah, I guess you're right. I'm being a huge ass hypocrite - the short girl gave up quite easily for Minji's taste - So, you're making a gay vibe straight song? - she decided to ask, changing the subject.
– Yeah - Minji nodded, taking the pen in her hands and writing down a few notes she remembered she should try - But it can be a sapphic song as well, you know? It can be three girls in the story.
– Yeah, totally - Pham nodded in agreement - And the homophobes won't be able to say shit as it is a straight song in it's original version.
Minji wrote a few more notes down, her eyebrows forming a little brow as she was quite concentrated.
– Well, I don't want to disturb you, so I'll get going.
Hanni stood up, but Minji was fast enough to catch her hand in time, looking up at her while the light reflected on her dark brown puppy eyes.
– Can you listen what I have for a while? I kinda wish some feedback.
There werte a few reasons for Hanni to be the first to listen to her cover of that song, but Minji didn't want to think that through at the moment, there were too many things going on to that be another issue.
– Sure - Hanni sat on the chair was sitting previously, and waited for Minji to start.
The taller sighed heavily, taking all the courage she managed to gather before taking the guitar in her hands. She couldn't look up at Hanni, so she kept her eyes on her notebook, though she wasn't really reading anything, everything she need was glued on her brain like a tatoo.
Minji long fingers caressed the guitar a bit shaky. She could curse herself for being so nervous at the moment, right in front Hanni, but she figured the girl would only presume she was feeling insecure about her singing and guitar abilities.
Minji liked girls, but it wasn't a big deal for her, it was something she accepted a long time ago. Yet, this "crush" in particular was something hard to admit. Her heart would beat faster everytime she gave it a thought, and for a while she thought it would go away with time, but it seemed to only grow bigger as the time passed.
Why was she so glad to talk about that girl in a "gay way", yet so reluctant to accept other types of queer innuendos? Why she was so interested in her videos, her interviews, her songs...? She seemed so immerse at kiss she shared with the actress whom played Wednesday in the "Taste" MV. It was silly, even, she practically drool.
Was it her cute husky laugh? The way she looked like she wore some rich woman perfume? Her long blonde hair? The way she looked like Tinker coming to life? What was that? What was that she had that Minji didn't?
It was stupid for Minji to lose sleep about such thing when so many other and bigger problems were surrounding them. Of course she wasn't sleeping much before, but this specific topic made her só frustrated about herself. One thing was to worry about things that actually matter, the other was to be so troubled about a girl crush.
Minji wondered a little too much about what could happen if Sabrina broke up with her boyfriend, if she actually like girls, if she got to meet Hanni at some schedule over seas. Hanni wasn't one to go around and get loose when out there to work, but who knows what could happen when Sabrina Fucking Carpenter was around, right? She heard that even her Disney co worker had a crush on her while growing up. Girl probably had some magic within her that just drew woman to her like she was made of sugar. Hanni was honey herself, so yeah, it wouldn't be hard for her to call Sabrina attentions either.
Was she reading too many fanfictions?
Either way, when Minji finished singing, not even sure how she managed to sing the whole song while not paying much attention, just feelings the lyrics as it got so well with the storm in her mind. It took a while for to open her eyes, revealing a gaped Hanni right in front of her.
– Wow, dude... - it sounded more like a whisper - That was... I mean... I think I never saw you singing with so much passion before.
Minji took her guitar cover, keeping it for awhile as she wanted to have something to do as she didn't got the courage to look at Hanni in the eyes just yet.
There was a silence Minji didn't quite understand where it was coming from, but she didn't have the guts to search for.
– You got a crush, don't you ? - Hanni's voice had a tingle of teasing - That's why you're singing it so... You know, hardcore - she giggled at her own lack of better words.
Minji laid her guitar on the couch, giving it all while she herself sat on the ground.
– Yeah, but it's not relevant for the moment - Minji didn't follow Hanni's teasing note, even if wanted to.
– Why not? Is she taken? - her voiced sounded softer this time, just as her eyes, though Minji couldn't tell much as she was avoiding her gaze.
– I honestly don't want to talk about it.
It was true, she didn't want to pour her heart out to the person in question. It was dangerous to let herself too loose about that around Hanni.
The Australian girl watched her for a while, before walking towards her, sitting by her side. Hanni indeed smelled like baby powder, which was adorable, just like her.
– Hey - she playfully tapped Minji shoulder with her own - It's okay if you don't want to talk about it, okay? Just know, you know, that I'm here in case you need so shoulder to lean. No matter how cringe it sounds - it was clear she was trying to be humorous to light her friend's mood, Hanni was that type of friend, and Minji appreciated it very much.
– It's just crush, Pham - Minji knew it was deeper than that, but was still something small compared to their other troubles in the moment - You just faced a whole court these days, not only for us, but for all idols. You're mourning someone you admire. You... You get so much in your plate right now. A crush is nothing compare to all of this.
Hanni watched her, hearing each word attentively. She looked so beautiful this close from her, glasses on her face, just so little make up... Geez, Minji was really down bad.
– I want to slap you - that's what Hanni said, waking from her thoughts as a slap would do - Like, for real, man, I want to slap you.
– What? Why?
– Cause you're a stupid bear, that's why! - she indeed gave her a slap, but in the arm - Come one, dude! You're also living hell here! This is also your company, also your case, your group! And a crush it's not something to be taken lightly if it's hurting you. Shit, girl! It's okay to feel bad about what makes you feel bad, you know?! - another slap.
– Ouch! - it wasn't really hurting, but Minji couldn't help but be dramatic - Are you hyping me up or spanking me?!
– Both!
– Why?!
– I just told you why! So you stop being stupid! Now, come on, go, go! - she stood up, trying to pull Minji up with her, but no success.
– Where? - Minji pouted, a bit dramatically.
– Well, to tell your crush how you feel! Or least sing her Harry's cover. Really, that can make any girl drop her knees, even if she's straight.
– She's not straight... - Minji wasn't looking at her while saying that.
– See? Okay, maybe she's taken, but... Well...
– She's not taken... - once again, she almost mumbled the words.
Hanni stopped trying to lift her up, silence for a moment before she sit down again, another slap on Minji's arm.
– Ouch!
– Ouch my ass! - Hanni exclaimed with all her Australian accent on - Dude, the girl you like is single AND likes girls and you are here singing songs about her while looking like a kicked puppy? Girl, you're Kim Minji! You have more female fans than your own father!
Minji frowned at confusion.
– Father?
– Yeah, V from BTS.
Minji laughed, and she knew that was exactly what Hanni was trying to do. She would settle until she got an smile from her lips, she was sure of that.
– See? Gummy smile and all!
– Hey, it's not about low self esteem okay? I know I can flirt with girls and get good results.
– Don't be cocky either - another slap, this time, lighter - But yeah, I really don't understand why you're avoiding this girl.
A deep sigh came from the taller girl, too tired to think about any escape from Hanni "help". It was cute, yeah, it warmed her heart, but she couldn't tell her what was really happening, not when she was her "girl crush". She was the girl she was jealous of, the girl she wants to taste and to touch and... It was no help, not at all.
– She's being through a lot lately - she decided to say, avoiding Hanni's gaze - Like... Really a lot, you know? I don't want to be another trouble for her to deal.
– And since when you're a trouble? - Hanni's voice was sweet, a little too sweet for Minji at the moment.
Touching her own sneakers, fingertips feeling its texture, Minji could swear she was holding a whole potato on her throat at that moment.
– You're kind, Minji - the shorter girl got closer, her hand now resting on the taller's thigh - You're funny, you're pretty, you're... Annoyingly perfect - she chuckled a bit bitterly - How are you a trouble? - she paused for a moment - Is that because you're a girl?
Minji took another deep breath.
– Not just that - she answered, still not looking the other girl in the eyes - It's just... It's complicated. It's... - once again the fucking potato seemed to be stuck on her throat and not leaving for life. She also could feel a few tears wanting to fall through her face - Fuck, Hanni... - a sturbborn whimper came from her stubborn mouth - I... I can't. I just...
Noticing her friend was crying, Hanni didn't wait a bit before hugging her tight, caressing her back kindly. Her own chest was heavy at seeing Minji like that.
In an attempt to calm her down, Hanni started to sing for her, not a One Direction song, but a song she came to know through them, through a cover. As she sang about a girl named Noelle, who's boyfriend was a dick, and main character felt like just a dirtbag whom the girl gives no damn about. Maybe not the best song for the moment, but it was the song her heart wished to sing at the moment.
Caressing the taller scalp, holding her tight against her chest, she didn't notice when Minji face was so close of hers, watching her with doe puppy eyes. It was... Intense. Yet soothing and shining. Geez, Minji was beyond beautiful, and that's something clear for Hanni since she saw her in that not yet Hybe video, comically looking like she was drinking water from the lake. It was sweet, she was sweet. Minji was this sweet baby bear whom was big but tiny at the same time.
– I'm sorry - it was a trembling whisper, a tear falling from Minji's left eye while she said that.
– What the fuck? - Hanni chucked, though her own eyes were watering at the moment, a tear falling down her right cheek.
Minji didn't answer, just looked at her with those eyes full of so many feelings she wasn't daring to voice.
Hanni took a while to notice what was really happening there. The way Minji laid in her arms, so broken, so... Guilty? But why guilty? Why...
– If you're trying to say your crush is me I'm going to slap you again - Hanni voice got out husky, her throat holding a weird feeling, something like a ping pong ball or something like that.
Minji didn't say a thing, only swallowed, holding the gaze for a few second before averting it at shame.
Hanni took a little more time to do the whole math there. "Girl Crush" was a song about jealousy, but whom Minji was jealous of? And she really thought it wasn't a big deal if she was so hurt by those feelings? Fuck Hybe shit! Why to drown herself in pain when they... Geez!
– Kim Minji - Hanni said, this time more firmly.
Minji didn't look at her, so she took her face in her hands, eye to eye now.
– If you ever hurt yourself like that for me again, putting my problems above yours, even though a lot of them are yours too, I promise I'll take your bacon bandages and throw it away.
– Not my bacon ones... - she pouted, a little too tiny for a girl her height.
– Yeah, I will. I'm bad, you know?
Minji chuckled at that, a win for the shorter girl.
– Bad girl Pham - Minji teased, chuckling a bit more.
– Yeah, Bad girl Pham - she poked the Kim's cheek - Now, who the fuck is the blonde girl? - she sounded legitimately confused.
Averting the gaze again, Minji left Hanni's warm arms, looking at the floor like a guilty puppy.
– Please... Please... Please... - she whispered in a guilty pout.
Hanni was fangirl enough to get the reference.
– Shit! Are you for real? Sabrina Carpenter?! I've never seen the girl in my life!
– But you could! - Minji almost jumped from her sit - And you like short girls! I'm not short, ya know? Everything in me is too big for a girl! My hands, my foot, my nose! Man, if I had a dick It'd probably be big too!
Hanni frowned for a moment, before laughing.
– Okay...? - she watched the restless bear - So what? I like short girls, I like tall girls, I like girls with sense of humor, deep voices, and furry like eyes!
Minji frowned at the last phrase.
– Furry like eyes?
– Yeah - Hanni nodded, feeling too many things at the same time - Cat like eyes, Puppy like eyes. Just... - she sighed, shaking her arms as an attempt to get a bit of this mess inside her out - Just... Just don't be stupid, okay? Don't be hiding what you feel like that.
– But I-
– "But" my ass, Kim Minji! - she sighed, walking away before walking towards the taller again - You - she pointed her finger to her - You need to be more forward with what you want from me because I'm too small for the amount of feelings that I'm feeling, and too gay to walk away, so you better deal with it.
Minji was confused, to say the least, but she nodded nevertheless.
– W-what I want from you? - she frowned - I don't... I don't know what you mean.
Another slap on her arm.
– Hey! - once again, it didn't hurt, it was too light, more like a tap, but Minji was dramatic.
– The song! - she exclaimed - You... You want to... Ya know... - it was Hanni's turn to avert the gaze.
– Taste you? - Minji was really trying to get somewhere, she was legitimately confused.
Hanni didn't answer, but maybe her Rosy cheeks and shy groan were a better answer.
– Oh - realization hit Kim hard - Oh...
– Or do you rather taste Sabri-
Before Hanni could finish, long finger hugged her neck, warm plump lips against hers. She was aware that Minji's lips were full and pretty, but they were also incredibly soft. The other hand meet the vietnamese wasit under the sweatshirt, warm meeting soft skin. For two people whom never kissed each other before, it felt like their mouths knew each other too well. As Hanni gave more space to Minji explore, the taller quivered over the vanilla's taste, caressing the waist and neck under her hands. It was all slow motion, like a movie, or something. Yet time also seemed to pass fast around them, like it was minutes in seconds.
Hanni wanted to breath, but she wanted Minji more. She knew that in the moment they stopped kissing, the short girl would get all coward up again, too afraid or too shy to step up and get what, whom she wanted. She hated it, she hated that she couldn't blame Minji for being afraid, not when the girl got a lot more guts than herself.
In the other hand, Minji was too busy enjoying every second e and inch from Pham Hanni. Not even in her wildest dreams she had tasted such flavor, such sensations. If falling for your band mate meant trouble, but it tasted like that, she didn't give a fuck. She would taste her as long she wanted to taste her back, no hiding this time, not from now on. She couldn't, even if she tried.
– I need to breath - Hanni whispered against the taller's lips, whom chuckled over her remark.
– For someone with your singing skills you got quite a weak pair of lungs, huh? - Minji teased.
– Shut up - this time, instead of a slap, she hugged Minji's torso.
A comfortable silence filled the room, Minji caressing the girl's hair in her fingers so gently it could make her sleep, that, of course, if her heart wasn't beating box inside her chest.
– Will you let it go? - Hanni asked in a hesitant voice - ...This... What just happened.
– You want me to? - Minji felt her heart sliding to her sleeve.
Hanni took a time to answer, taking a deep breath to gather courage.
– No - she finally answered - I want you to hold me tight. I want you to want me. And shit, this sounds cringe - chukling, she could feel tears falling from her eyes.
Minji kissed the top of her head.
– Then I'll hold you, and want you - the taller tried to look at the other girl face, caressing her soft cheeks - Cringe or not.
Hanni smiled, that smile that made her eyes become thin lines, lines that Minji wanted to kiss, but she held herself.
– Could I kiss you again? - she asked.
After half second, Hanni pulled Minji by the collar, crashing their lips with desire, not as slow and tender as before, this time, she was hungry, she wanted to eat her fears and hesitations away, to hold Minji so close she wouldn't ever leave.
The couple would definitely have to check if there were not hidden cameras in the room as they spent quite a time in there, tasting each other for too much time, yet too little.