Work Text:
Jihoon groaned to himself, staring at his desktop wordlessly. He felt weak, and futile. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t begin to think of lyrics for the song that he’d convinced everyone he could handle on his own. Tears of frustration welled in his eyes, cursing himself, voice so quiet that it was barely above a whisper. “Why the fuck can’t I think? Pull yourself together, Jihoon.” His voice broke near the end, his tears threatening to fall.
Sniffling softly, he hit play on the beat he’d recently finished with the help of a few other producers, hoping it’d distract him a bit and give a sense of pride that he’d at least finished one part of the final project. Though, as it began to play, it only frustrated him more. Hearing the empty beat was upsetting, as it was incomplete. He had full abilities to write lyrics normally, so why was he struggling so much right now?
Jihoon wiped away a tear that’d manage to slip out, sighing exasperatedly. Feeling helpless, he shook his head, bringing his face into his hands. At that moment, there was a knock on the door. Jihoon panicked, moving quickly to try to wipe his falling tears. “Hang on, I’ll be there in a second!” He called out shakily, the anxiety of desperately not wanting to be seen in the fragile state only causing his tears to flow quicker as his anxiety overwhelmed him.
Eventually, he gave up. With a sigh, he stood to walk over to the door. Upon opening it, he was faced with Soonyoung standing in front of him, expression immediately adopting a frown as he took in Jihoon’s appearance. His eyebrows knit together at the sight of his bloodshot eyes and red nose, along with the tears that Jihoon quickly wiped away as he softly questioned Soonyoung’s needs.
Without even a second of hesitation, Soonyoung stepped forwards to wrap his arms around the younger male, and Jihoon accepted it, not having realized how badly he needed to just be held for a moment, unable to remember the last time he was vulnerable in front of someone like this. After a moment, Jihoon pulled away to look at him, wiping his eyes with his sleeve as he gave one last sniffle before questioning him again.
“What’d you need?” He questioned, looking at his hands to avoid eye contact. Soonyoung frowned, shaking his head. “Don’t worry about what I need, are you-”
“Doesn’t matter, tell me what you need, please.” Jihoon pleaded, shaking his head. Hesitating for a moment, Soonyoung paused to take in his appearance, as well as glance around the room. His eyes landed on the desktop in one corner of the room, and he began to get a general idea of what was wrong.
“Seungcheol just wanted me to come ask if you wanted to go out with us tomorrow..” He paused, reaching out to gently brush Jihoon’s hair away from his eyes so he could make proper eye contact. “Yeah, sure.” Jihoon mumbled, looking down when his hair was moved. “He says we’re going to this restaurant since we don’t have anything scheduled.” Soonyoung continued after a moment, placing a hand on Jihoon’s shoulder in an attempt to offer some comfort.
At the touch, Jihoon backed up a bit. “Alright, was that all?” Soonyoung was quiet for a moment, thinking about what he should do next. “Yeah, it was.. But I was wondering if you just wanted to come back with us? Seungkwan and I were gonna stop by some cafe after we left here, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if you came with us, it seems like a break would benefit you a little.”
“Yeah..” Jihoon mumbled, tears slowly coming to an end as he stood in front of him, the distraction of the conversation aiding his calmness. “Just- hold on. Let me turn off my computer, you can go back to Seungkwan, I’ll be right there.” He suggested, walking over to his desk to take one last look through his programs, giving a quiet sigh.
Soonyoung stood by the door as he waited for him, unwilling to leave the man alone, especially not in this state. Once Jihoon finished and turned around, he jumped at the sight of Soonyoung still standing there, tilting his head curiously. “Why didn’t you go?” He questioned, picking up his bag from the floor.
“I wanted to wait, so we could talk while we were walking back.” Soonyoung shrugged, smiling at him. It was infectious, so much so that Jihoon felt like it was impossible to not return the smile. He rubbed his eyes slightly to rid them of any excess tears, before motioning with his head for them to leave.
Soonyoung followed him out the door, quiet for the first few steps. After a minute or two, he opened his mouth to speak, “Could you tell me what happened? I wanna help you.”
Jihoon looked at him for a moment as he walked, hesitant. He didn’t know what to say, for he feared Soonyoung would laugh at him, call his struggles silly and tell him to get over it. Deep down, he knew that the man would never do so, yet he was still scared. He was scared to be betrayed.
Pushing his negative thoughts to the back of his mind, he finally exhaled before telling him. “It’s honestly stupid, I guess..” He paused, and Soonyoung shook his head–seemingly offended that the younger would ever think that way. Before he could interject, Jihoon continued; I’ve been struggling to write lately, I’ve been trying to write the same song for almost three days now, yet nothing comes to mind. It’s so, so, so upsetting. I feel so-” Jihoon paused, pressing his lips together in a thin line as he gave up speaking, feeling tears well up again.
“I don’t know..” He mumbled, looking down as Soonyoung attempted to take his hand, letting him lock their fingers together. Rarely did he accept affection, though he decided there was no reason to shy away.
He looked back up, making eye contact with Seungkwan as he came into view the more they walked. The immediate concern on his face was hard to miss, watching as he mouthed the words “What happened?”.
Jihoon gave a sad smile and shrugged, shaking his head. He didn’t want to talk about it again, not right now, anyways.
Seungkwan nodded softly, allowing him the time he needed to open up. Upon reaching the younger boy, he was pulled into a hug. Upon pulling away, Seungkwan fixed his bangs. “Let’s get in the car, you can tell us then, if you feel comfortable.”
At the suggestion, Jihoon’s chest tightened. “Will there be other people with us?” He asked, and Soonyoung shook his head. “Don’t worry, it’s only Kwan and I, we’ll meet the others at the restaurant.” He reassured him, patting his back gently.
Jihoon let out a soft sigh, agreeing quietly. “Okay, that sounds okay.” At the agreement, Seungkwan smiled. “Come on, then.” Soonyoung said, and they walked outside to his car.