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It hasn’t been long since he lost a himself. Gojo never thought himself to be overly serious, or have very much negative emotion whatsoever.
Then, Suguru happened. Everything he once thought to be concrete became as pliable as rubber. Everything he knew about himself shifted. Sometimes, he would get the feeling of dread, knowing Suguru would leave him utterly ruined forever.
And he did. After Suguru left, after he became what he is today, it ruined him. He thought of all the plans they talked about, all the days they would bask in the glow of the night and think of what they would do for the rest of their lives.
These plans always included them being together, so it gave him whiplash when Suguru left.
He sought a cursed object he heard of; it could take you back to one specific day to relive. Gojo knew he needed to find this, he wanted so desperately to turn back the clock and just feel him again. Just for once.
Eventually, after months of searching, he found the cursed object in February, specifically the third.
It was like this world loved to torture him. He found the very object he needed to see his love, his soul, on Suguru’s birthday. It was a sign, he needed to go back.
It might kill him. But he needed it.
The object is an old, empty urn. According to the legends, one would put something important into the urn, and whisper the date in it. Instantly, they would wake up on that day. Needless to say, he was eager to use it.
Satoru wanted the day to be over quickly. Of course, he didn’t want his students to worry, so he didn’t let that part show. He counted down the minutes, and eventually went back to his house when class was dismissed.
With all of his money, many would think that he should have gotten a more luxurious place. He didn’t.
He got a property that bordered jujutsu high, looking over the skyline on a hilltop. His office window faces the sunset. It brought him back to the nights he and Suguru would be walking around on the grounds, neither appreciating how fleeting those moments truly were. They would bask in that gold, never realizing how rare it was.
He found himself staring at that very sunset, the urn on his desk table waiting patiently for him. He waited for the glow of the sun to fully diminish. He must have stood there for half an hour, waiting for those final rays to dip below the skyline.
He peeled himself from the window, walking over to his desk. His hands trembled as he opened his desk drawer, taking out a velvet box, almost looking like something a diamond ring would be in. It wasn’t, but the contents were just as priceless to him.
A golden button—torn of from Suguru’s coat—glistened in his dim office. He carefully took it out, and looked at the urn.
It was engraved with lilies in all different stages of life; some just buds, some barely blooming, some fully opened and in bloom, and some wilted and dead. The urn is gold, and truly a remarkable object. It was as beautiful as it was heartbreaking.
He dropped the button in with a clatter, and leaned down.
He knew exactly where he wanted to be. He knew the very day that he wanted so desperately to relive, the day that he wanted to change. The day that he should have been better.
“August 24th, 2007.”
Gojo’s vision went blank. It felt like he was falling through the earth, or maybe floating to the center. It smelled like lilies, sweet and torturous. When he finally felt centered, he was laying in his bed.
Not his bed—well, it was his—but not anymore. He was in his high school dorm room, the light of the morning shining through the blinds. He sat up, looking down at himself.
He had always been lanky and tall, but as an adult, his form filled out more. He looked much thinner, and much younger. He is 17, almost 18, with much less experience than his adult self.
Of course, right now, he had all of his memories up until the moment he whispered in that urn.
Gojo realized what this meant. Just next door, Suguru was likely already awake. He tended to be an early bird. Gojo sprung up from his bed, looking for his blindfold. He, of course, didn’t find it. At this time, he was still wearing those sunglasses.
One of his more embarrassing phases, he will admit.
He sighed, and slid on the glasses. Next, he threw on his uniform. And god, it smelled like Suguru. They tended to share uniforms when sleeping over. He brought the fabric to his face, and inhaled.
It smelled like home.
Eventually, he refocused and actually got dressed for the day. He went to his mirror and fixed his hair, and realized how young he looked.
He is his students age. Man, that is a serious mind fuck. His students always call him old, and he doubts that they would prefer who he was when he was young.
Gojo got up, going next door and knocking on the adjacent rooms door. His breath hitched, hearing the shuffling inside. He could sense him. His soul knew it was Suguru. His Suguru.
“Satoru? You are up early.” Gojo had to suppress a sob when he heard this. My god, it was almost impossible to do so. But, he had a very important mission. He could only do this once.
He cleared his throat, letting out a chuckle. “Sorry, did I wake you?” He asked this, knowing the answer. Geto had been up since 8 oclock.
“What do you mean? I always get up at 8 oclock, Satoru.” His voice sounded dull and distant. He wondered how he had missed the signs of Suguru’s downfall earlier. Gojo laughed, looking at the door.
“I know, just making sure.” Suguru didn’t respond. He took awhile to get to the door and open it. Gojo felt the breath get punched from his lungs upon seeing those dark, mysterious, purple eyes.
His skin was paler than usual—though not as pale as Gojo’s own skin. His eyes had dark bags beneath, and his figure was thinner than what should be healthy. But it was all perfect. It was all Suguru.
He must have stood there for a full minute, looking at him. Suguru raised an eyebrow, looking at him as he stared. “Oh… sorry, uh…. spaced out.” Suguru didn’t believe him, he could tell that much, but the man didn’t push the subject.
“What are you doing here anyways? Don’t you have missions?” Gojo sighed. He was tired of that boring shit. He just wanted to be next to Suguru.
“I’m not going in.” He said, blankly. It was Suguru’s turn to stare. Gojo kept eye contact, happy to get to bask in this as long as he could.
The silence was broken by Suguru. “Why?” Gojo grinned, looking at Suguru.
“Because it’s boring. Plus, we are due to hang out.” Satoru said, leaning on Suguru’s shoulder. He could smell his conditioner, that silky black hair falling across his shoulders.
“You will be in trouble. We both will.” Suguru said, pushing him off. Gojo put on his pout, looking at him.
“Cmon… just one day? You haven’t been acting like yourself. It must be because you are having withdrawals.”
“Uh, no. I have still been smoking.” Geto responded, looking at Satoru.
“I don’t mean nicotine, hot topic. I mean Satoru Gojo withdrawals.” He spoke with a grin, looking at him. Finally, Suguru cracked a smile, and laughed. The sound was like music to him.
“Okay, okay. Fine. But just today, okay?”
“Yeah. Just today.” Gojo said, a wave of remembrance washing over him. He had only today to spend with Gojo, only until 9 the next morning to try to see if he could have made a difference.
˚₊‧꒰ა 10:07 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
The day started with them going out to a ramen shack. It was close to Jujutsu high, only a short walk away. Still, Satoru insisted on using their shared bike. They parked the bike outside, going in, and sitting down at a table.
“This reminds me of that day on Okinawa, you know.” Suguru says, his voice melancholy. Satoru looked at him, giving a weak smile.
“Feels like it was just yesterday I poured that hot sauce into Riko’s food. That girl packed a punch.” Packed. He realized after he said it. He missed that brat constantly, even though she was a nuisance to take care of.
Suguru looked at Gojo, his eyes tired. Satoru stared back, expecting him to say something. He opened his mouth to speak, but he way saved by the waiter, who came and took their order.
Gojo ordered his usual large ramen, one that him and Suguru shared. It was easier to order a big one and eat from the same bowl.
The place was cool, the air conditioning helping them escape the humid air of summer. Still, despite the weather, Geto always preferred warm food no matter the season. The shop smelled delicious, all of the spices from the kitchen mixing together in the small dining area. In the center of the table sat a vase full of lilies. The sight of the flower made Satoru’s stomach plunge. He moved the vase to the side, making an excuse of it being in the way.
Suguru didn’t eat much. He used to eat as much as Gojo, but now he seemed less enthusiastic about everything. It took much encouragement for him to even crack a smile. Of course, this time around he noticed the small changes in his behavior.
He noticed how Suguru’s usually bright amethyst eyes were turned into a stormy, dull, twilight color. He noticed that his hair wasn’t put up in the same way, now only half tied up into a disheveled bun. The same hair he would wear while slaughtering innocent civilians in just a day from now.
The same updo his parents would see as one of Geto’s curses consumed them.
He noticed how Suguru would space out, his leg shaking as he thought deeply about something. He noticed that he would constantly be sent out on missions, he noticed that the faint noises of heavy breathing that he used to hear at night were Suguru’s silenced sobs.
He tried not to think of that, focusing on the fact Suguru was here, now, in front of him.
Satoru was snapped out of his thoughts when Suguru spoke. “Why are you still doing this?”
Satoru looked up at him from their ramen, cocking his head. “Hm? Doing what?”
“Exorcising curses.”
Satoru stared for a moment, then opened his mouth to respond. “Because I want to protect the innocent.”
Suguru laughed, a piece of his hair falling out from his bun. “It’s funny, we used to argue about protecting the innocent. You used to say that it was natural selection if they died.” And Suguru, as always, was right. He used to think that.
“I guess Riko changed my mind, in a way. The jujutsu world forced her into a meaningless death. I can’t… ever forgive myself for thinking that we shouldn’t protect those like her.”
“Riko was different from other non-sourcerers, though,” Suguru began, his chopsticks resting upright in their ramen, “She was actually innocent. Most non-sourcerers, I would argue, are bad people.”
Satoru thought about this for a minute, then looked at Suguru with a frown. “I wouldn’t say most.”
“All you see, even looking around the shop, are people with nothing but greed. You sense their cursed energy leaking, I know you do. Their existence leads to curses existing, no?”
“Yes, but think of the owners of the shop. They started from nothing, and they come out to greet us every time we dine here. They leave food outside for the strays. They have given us free meals, insisting that we eat because we are such nice kids. Are they worthless?”
Suguru paused in his tracks, seaming to search for an answer. “You seem different, Satoru.” Gojo smiled, looking at him with a level of intensity and caring that was unlike him.
“What? Have I managed to get even more gorgeous and perfect?” Suguru snorted, his tea coming out of his nose as he laughed.
He missed these moments more than anything.
˚₊‧꒰ა 10:58 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
Their next stop was the shopping district. Gojo specifically wanted to go get dorayaki from a stand that shut down a few years later. He hadn’t had dorayaki that good in a decade. Geto accompanied him, despite not being a bit fan of sweets.
He bought the red bean pancakes and sat on a bench with Suguru. He wordlessly offered one to him, which Suguru declined. This was normal for him, only wanting sweets in a very specific mood. Instead of eating a desert, he pulled out a cigarette.
He smoked a different brand than Shoko. Thanks to Gojo’s enhanced senses, he could tell the difference in the smokes. This scent brought back memories, nights that they would stay up and laugh until dawn, passing out when the sunlight was shining through the curtains and the birds were chirping outside.
Gojo smiled fondly, and dug into his desert. It was just as amazing as he remembered it. Suguru was more amazing than he remembered.
He slid closer to Suguru, leaning against him. Again, this was a normal part of their dynamic. They fell asleep in each others beds, rested their head in the others lap, and shared pillows and blankets when watching movie marathons.
Suguru placed his head onto Gojo’s, his cigarette dangling from his mouth. Suguru always had a sort of elegance to everything he did, he was unintentionally so attractive in everything he did. He even thought so after he was exiled from Jujutsu society. He thought so while he had to kill Suguru with his technique.
He again shook the thought away, focusing on his desert. He knew that every minute that ticked by was now so much more precious than it ever had been.
They got up after awhile and walked to various stands, looking at food, treats, clothes, and handmade art. He picked out a new pair of gauges for Suguru, black with almost invisible specks of purple. Suguru’s eyes lit up just a little bit when he saw them. Suguru bought him some sweets and a new pair of glasses.
They went to a photo booth, taking stupid photos and laughing until their stomachs hurt. Until Gojo swears that this can’t be as fleeting as it is.
Suguru turned to him for the last photo, just staring into his eyes. Gojo stared back. The photo snapped, and they still sat there.
Gojo wasn’t yet getting tired of these little staring contests. It just meant he got to look closely at Suguru like this once more.
Finally, Gojo broke the silence, not wanting for them to sit here and occupy the booth for hours (as much as he would like to stay this close to him.) “Like what you see, Suguru?” He asked teasingly. Suguru groaned.
“You are such a tease, Satoru.” He responded, leaning in closer to him. Gojo could smell his cherry lip balm. He wanted to see how it would taste on his lips so desperately.
Gojo responded with a laugh, tilting his head and looking into those purple eyes. “You know me.”
“I do.” Suguru said immediately. They sat there for a minute, staring again. Satoru sighed, looking outside.
“Theres a line. We should probably go somewhere else.” He spoke, tugging Suguru out of the cramped photo booth. The raven haired man nodded, and they left the booth.
They grabbed the photos, and Gojo looked at them, desperately wishing he could take them back to the present when he left. A memory, a token, a reminder of the man he needed the most.
˚₊‧꒰ა 12:19 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
By the time they got back to the dorm it was noon, and they promised to go hang out with Shoko and their other classmates. Admittedly, he would rather just lay around with Suguru all day. The one thing that stopped him was the possibility of getting to hang out with the three of them again; their ideal trio, something that he always missed when he saw Shoko. He could tell she missed them, too, but things were never the same after Suguru left.
They got back to their dorms and put their things away, then walked over to Shoko’s usual smoke spot. He had Geto text her, Gojo wasn’t sure he remembered how to use his old flip phone. IPhones were much more convenient to use, but flip phones had the upside of making him look 100% sexier.
Shoko was leaning against a fence, her short brown hair blowing in the slight breeze. A cigarette dangled from her mouth. She looked much happier, much healthier. The Shoko of the future had dark under eyes, she was pale and thin. The Shoko standing in front of him had a glow to her face, and she looked happy. It almost reminded him of Nobara, though she had a much more eccentric personality.
Gojo smiled, walking up to her. “Shoko, how are you doing?” She looked at him with a strange expression, but gave a smile back.
“M’ okay. I’m surprised you both aren’t out on assignments.”
Suguru spoke up, leaning on the rail next to her. “Gojo wanted us to skip out on them today.” Again, Shoko looked surprised, but nodded.
“Fair enough. They have been working you two to the bone.” She spoke, her demeanor always nonchalant. She texted on her phone, and furrowed her eyebrows. “Looks like it’s just us three today. Everyone else isn’t slacking off.”
“Unlike us.” Gojo added.
“Unlike us.” Shoko echoed with a smile. “We could always taxi to the main city or something. It’s boring as shit over here.”
“How about that arcade?” Gojo asked. Shoko and Suguru both looked at him like he was from the future. Ah, yeah, that was his mistake. That place wouldn’t open until four years from now. “Oh, I must be thinking of Kyoto or something.”
Suguru didn’t believe him, once again, but neither wanted to question him. He didn’t want to have to explain that he was from twelve years in the future.
Shoko saved him, as per usual, and brought up her own suggestion. “Maybe we can hit a movie? I hear this movie called Human Earthworm just came out.” Gojo cringed internally. Yuji enjoyed that movie, he didn’t particularly like the gore in it. Unfortunately, he couldn’t really explain that he had already seen all three parts of a movie that just came out.
“Sounds good to me. Suguru?” He didn’t want to argue on this. Plus, he had to behave like past him would have.
“Sounds fun. Can you cover the fare?” Suguru asked, turning to Satoru. He simply grinned, pulling out a premium credit card. Perks of being in the Gojo clan.
˚₊‧꒰ა 1:03 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
They arrived slightly late to the showing of Human Earthworm. Gojo was praying that traffic would be horrible and they wouldn’t have to go at all, but that was simply unrealistic. Usually, he would just teleport, but he hadn’t yet unlocked that ability to their knowledge. So, taxi it is.
They got into their seats a few minutes later, courtesy of Shoko and Suguru needing a smoke before the long movie, each sporting a small snack. Suguru sat between them, and Gojo sat to his left. He leaned into Suguru subconsciously as the movie began, tossing a piece of popcorn into his mouth.
The movie started off with two young girls getting kidnapped by a doctor, another girl captive in his secret lab in the basement. They got drugged, and woke up to find themselves…. well, sewn together.
He caught glimpses of Shoko’s morbid curiosity and Suguru’s downright disgust. He expected those reactions from them, it was a pretty disgusting movie. It was right up Shoko’s alley, not so much Suguru’s.
As the movie progressed, the scenes only got more disgusting. The nudity was full, which didn’t necessarily bother Gojo (as an almost thirty year old in a teenage body) but Suguru was obviously off-put by this. When the worst of the scenes began, the girl in the front having to use the bathroom, Suguru hid his face in Satoru’s shoulder. Gojo suppressed a laugh and partially shielded Suguru’s eyes from the gross scene.
By the middle of the movie Suguru was refusing to even glance at the screen, his eyes closed and face pressed into Satoru’s neck. He tried to atleast look like he was paying attention to the movie, but he could only focus on the warmth of the man cuddled into his side. He couldn’t begin to describe how much he missed this.
Not the movie. God, not the movie.
At the end, Suguru hadn’t finished any of the popcorn. Shoko gave a satisfied smile. “That was really interesting.”
“I think i’m gonna puke.” Suguru said, his face pale and contorted as they walked out.
“The next movie is better.”
Shoko and Suguru paused, both looking at him. “Uh, Gojo, do you have some new super secret power of time traveling you have yet to tell us about. Satoru shrugged, giving a slight knowing grin.
“Something like that.”
˚₊‧꒰ა 4:26 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
They got back to the dorms, and ended up in Gojo’s room, laying across his bed and talking. This was a normal behavior for them. Principal Yaga desperately tried to ban Shoko from entering the boys dormitory. It never worked. Besides, he eventually put together that Shoko was a lesbian. Of course, he didn’t know that Suguru had no interest in girls, and Satoru had very little.
Some things never really changed. Honestly, as their teacher, Gojo could never figure out exactly what the main trio of first years dynamic was. He knew Nobara couldn’t possibly want to be with either of the boys, but the same couldn’t necessarily be said for Yuji and Megumi. He saw their trio in his students, sometimes. He saw Yuji in Suguru, especially. Both had intimate knowledge of curses, a level that nobody should ever have to experience.
He saw himself in Megumi, of course, his self proclaimed son. Their abilities were both nearly unmatched—atleast, he knew Megumi would get to a level of strength enough to even surpass him—but there was one major difference. He knew that no matter what, no matter how the tide rolled, that Megumi and Yuji would always have eachother’s backs. That’s why he took it upon himself to make Yuji’s execution his duty. That would destroy Megumi if he was forced to do it. Gojo wasn’t sure he could. He wasn’t angry about that. When you find your person, you keep them. He wished he had done everything in his power to keep Suguru by his side.
“Satoru?” Suguru said softly. That voice always stuck with him, how he purred his name like it was something sacred.
“Hm?” Satoru hummed in return, turning to look at Suguru.
“Are you sure everything is alright? You have been acting strangely this whole day.” He knew they would catch on. He, of course, couldn’t admit anything.
“It’s nothing. Just… I don’t know, it feels like something bad was gonna happen today.”
“Is that why you didn’t do your assignments?” Shoko questioned, sitting up slightly on her stomach, looking up at Gojo.
“I guess so. It’s stupid, really. I just didn’t want to do that sort of thing today.”
“Are you sick of it?” Suguru asked. Gojo furrowed his eyebrows, and the raven haired man clarified. “Are you sick of being a sorcerer?”
Gojo looked up at the ceiling, thinking about the question himself.
“…In some ways, yeah. It’s easy for me. Exorcizing curses is literally what I was made for. But sometimes…. I wished we were all just normal highschoolers, not putting our lives on the line every single day. Sure, it’s a calling, but not everyone can handle it.” They all knew who he was talking about. Haibara, who died fighting a grade 1 curse that was supposed to be a maximum of grade 2.
“Gojo…. are you, like, okay?” Shoko asked, a more worried expression on her face.
“I’m okay. I have thought a lot about this stuff. I mean, it’s not like the higher ups can really force me to do anything. I could kill those old farts in minutes with a literal snap of my fingers. I only do this because—“ He stumbled on his words. The real reason he kept being a sorcerer after this day was for Suguru. The less curses there were, the less curses he would have to absorb. He also continued for his students, to keep the next generation of Jujutsu sorcerers as safe as they could be.
“There has to be another way.” Suguru said, looking up at the ceiling. There was. Gojo knew it, and he knew if he really wanted to he could remove curses all together. He couldn’t, he wasn’t mentally strong enough to kill every non-sorcerer. He came close to joining Suguru, just so that he could stick by his side. He couldn’t do that.
Shoko sighed, flipping around and staring at the ceiling with them. “I don’t know. I’m not on the field as often as both of you, but seeing those injuries… I don’t know, it makes it all seem—“
“—pointless.” All of them said this in unison, not taking their eyes off the ceiling. It wasn’t often they dove into topics like this.
“I want to make the world better for those who come next. For kids like Riko. For all the next sorcerers. For everyone who has to live in a time where these things exist. I mean, it’s what I /have/ to do. Having abilities like this means that I have an obligation.” Gojo explained, his hand outlined with his purple technique.
“You really don’t, Satoru. Honestly, if you gave it all up, nobody could blame you. You’ve done more for this world in a few years than most sorcerers have ever done in their lives.” Suguru spoke in a soft demeanor, almost comforting him.
“If I stop, nobody will be able to hold back the curses that will come in the future.” Shoko groaned, turning to look about him.
“Are you seriously still not gonna tell us what brought all this up? You seem to know things about the hypothetical future we don’t.”
“I’m just saying that curses have only gotten stronger. I mean, when’s the last time you’ve seen a random fly head? You don’t see lower level curses anymore, just strong shit.” Gojo stated, looking at Shoko.
“…I’ve noticed it too. I can’t remember the last time i’ve seen a lower level curse out and about. It’s like all of this cursed energy is all pooling into one big beacon in a specific place, creating a much more powerful curse.” Suguru responded. He knew more about curses than most people in the jujutsu world.
“The last thing I want to do is ignore that. There isn’t anything to do besides keep exorcizing, and hope that the next generation will be able to keep up.” Satoru took his glasses off, his infinity now on constantly as per usual. He never let it down after he learned how to use the reverse curse technique.
“Have you ever thought that all this wasn’t worth it? To live in this world where such filth just… perpetually lives in the most vulnerable places?” Suguru asked nobody in particular.
“Geto…. what do you mean?” Shoko asked slowly, looking at him.
“It’s a stupid thought, really, but… sometimes I think i’d rather die than have to ingest another curse. It sickens me.” They were all quiet for a beat, waiting for someone else to speak up. Finally, Gojo did.
“I get it. This whole thing starts to lose meaning.”
“Life itself has seemed to lose meaning.” Suguru responded, his hair strewn about the pillow below him.
“I think I found it.” Suguru looked at him, and Satoru looked back at him. “You keep doing these things for the people you love, for the people you want to protect.” Suguru kept his eyes on his, then let out a slight laugh.
“You really do seem different.”
“Yeah, it’s like you finally matured a little.” Shoko said, giving a smile.
“Like I said, I found my meaning.
˚₊‧꒰ა 6:09 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
Shoko went back to her dorm after they talked about nonsense for a big chunk of time, something he missed about being young. He could sit and talk to them for hours. Usually, they didn’t talk about the heavy stuff. They didn’t do that, but they did today.
Suguru layed beside him, turning to look at him. “What now, Satoru? I’m late for all my assignments to the point where I probably can’t even go anymore.”
Gojo grinned, sitting up. “Isn’t this better, though? You get to spend time with the best person in the world. You should feel blessed, really.”
Suguru shoved him, giving a playful look. “You are so full of yourself. It’s like you’re your own favorite person.”
“Hell yeah I am. Everyone’s favorite is Gojo.” This was a blatant lie. His favorite person was Suguru, hands down. His best friend, his everything. Even now, he couldn’t buck up and admit that. He only managed to ever tell Suguru his true feelings right before he killed him.
Suguru sat up, flicking Gojo on the forehead. “You keep spacing out today.” Gojo felt the sting on his forehead, feigning an actual injury and falling against the bed.
“It’s so exhausting being this perfect, Suguru….” Geto barked a laugh, looming over him.
“Don’t give me that. I know there’s something wrong.” He needed to keep changing the subject, to avoid accidentally spilling everything to Suguru like he so desperately wanted to.
“What’s wrong is how you haven’t told me how drop dead gorgeous I am today.” He acted flirty, a sure way to get himself out of most situations. Suguru chuckled, looking at him.
“What? You want me to call you beautiful?” He remembered how Suguru could actually fluster him. That never happened.
“Maybe I do.” Satoru said, sitting up and getting close to Suguru’s face, cocking his head.
“Whats in it for me then?” Suguru said, staring into his eyes, almost into his thoughts.
“How about… a kiss?” Satoru said jokingly, laughing. Suguru kept his eyes on him, his expression slightly serious.
“Hm…. Satoru Gojo, you are beautiful.”
He tried desperately to keep up his uncaring demeanor, but failed miserably. He couldn’t even manage a reply. Suguru laughed, looking at Gojo with a teasing expression. “What? Flustered?”
“Absolutely not, I’m just trying to make you feel like you have a chance.”
“I feel like I do.” Suguru replied without missing a beat. He was definitely not used to this side of him. They teased sometimes, danced around the line of friends without ever truly crossing it. Satoru and him were toeing the line, dangerously close to plummeting over the edge.
“Wanna redeem your reward, then?” Satoru asked, regaining his playful grin. He fully expected Suguru to let the bit go, to ignore it like they usually did.
“Oh? So eager for me to kiss you, Satoru. You could just ask if you are that desperate.” Satoru laughed, trying to hide the embarrassment evident on his face.
“You wouldn’t.”
“Try me, Satoru.”
“Kiss me, then.” Gojo responded, propped up with his hands behind him. Before he could register what was happening, Suguru was leaning in. They got so close he could almost taste that cherry lipbalm. At the last moment, a knock sounded on the door.
“Gojo? Why on earth did you skip out on every assignment today?” Nothing changed when it came to principal Yaga. Gojo sighed, responding flippantly.
“Cause I didn’t want to.”
“It isn’t about whether or not you want to, Gojo. You have a duty to fulfill as a jujutsu sorcerer. You know this.” Satoru put his finger and thumb to his temples, rubbing them and leaning back on one hand.
“One day isn’t going to kill anyone.”
“Really? Then why doesn’t everyone just quit? Is this too much for you, then?”
“You know it isn’t.”
“Then why didn’t you—“
“—because I am not a weapon. You must understand I am a human being, right??” He wanted to advocate for his childhood self. He should’ve been allowed to have fun, to grieve the loss of who Suguru once was without having to track him down and trying to kill him.
“You are the best jujutsu sorcerer we have.” Gojo looked at Geto, his eyes annoyed.
“I’m not the only sorcerer. Find someone else.”
Yaga sighed through the door, and he heard his footsteps walk away. Geto kept an eye on him, and Gojo layed back on the bed.
“You never do that sort of thing.” Suguru pointed out, turning to him.
“I should do it more often.” He said, letting out a sigh and turning his head to the window. The sunset was beautiful, the golden rays shining into his room and making Suguru’s almond eyes shine. He could be entranced by him so easily.
Suguru layed next to him. For now, the only thing that mattered to him was the fact that the man lying next to him was still his until the next morning.
˚₊‧꒰ა 11:35 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
The evening passed all too quickly. From talking to training to laying in silence, Gojo enjoyed every second of it. They found themselves in Suguru’s room, which was once again clean and tidy, unlike this morning.
“Satoru, are we going to talk about what happened earlier?” Gojo thought for a moment, then his eyes widened slightly.
“Ah…. that. We can, if you want.” He spoke slowly, finding himself laying down in a bed with Suguru once again.
“I almost kissed you. Doesn’t that bother you?”
“Why should it?” Satoru asked, his expression neurural.
“We are best friends. Both men.” Ah. Yeah, he forgot that things weren’t as queer friendly in the two thousands. He really should start actively thinking about these things.
“…I mean, that doesn’t matter.”
“This doesn’t matter.” Suguru said, a slight sad smile on his face. Satoru backtracked, sitting up and holding onto his shoulder.
“I didn’t—that isn’t what I meant, Suguru. It matters to me just…. fuck, I don’t really know what to say.”
“Just the truth. You’ve acted strange all day. All day you have done nothing but make confusing comments, brush off your duties like it really doesn’t matter in the end.” Suguru said, a hint of frustration in his voice.
“No. I didn’t—“
“Satoru.” Geto’s eyes were pleading, his hair fully down and slightly damp after showering. Satoru’s breath hitched.
“I can’t tell you everything that I feel. You will think i’m nuts.”
“Try me. Please, just try.” Suguru seemed almost desperate for answers. “I’ve been… a mess for an entire year. But today was the most fun i’ve had since—“ Suguru paused for a beat. “—since Riko. Since that entire thing. Since you became the strongest sorcerer. I didn’t know how to climb out on my own. And now… I thought we told each other everything Satoru. I thought I knew you.”
“You do. You know me, Suguru.”
“Then you know that I know when you are lying, or holding something back.”
“I’m sorry.” He blurted out, staring at Suguru with crystal eyes. “I’m sorry that you have been suffering and I haven’t noticed. But I’m here now, Suguru. I’m here and I want you to stay.” He said, holding onto both of Suguru’s shoulders. “I want you to stay.” He repeated, this time in a whisper.
“Satoru, I don’t know if I am a good person. I don’t think I am.”
“You are. I know you better than anyone and I know you are, Suguru. Please believe me when I say that.” Suguru stared at him, he stared back. Suguru broke the silence.
“Do you care about me?”
“Yes.” Gojo responded instantly, not a hint of doubt in his mind.
“Care about me how?”
Gojo had to think about how to put this. He didn’t know exactly what to say, he didn’t know how to properly explain himself. “I care about you more than anything in this world. I would do anything to see you happy and fulfilled. Truly happy.” He wanted to say it. Those three words that he promised he would never say to anyone again, because they always would mean goodbye to him.
“Satoru, can we?” Gojo knew what he was implying. His heart raced, and he didn’t really think about this possibility when he first decided to go back to this day. He didn’t care about consequences right now, he just needed to experience this atleast once.
He leaned in, crashing his lips messily into Suguru’s. The other man melted into the kiss, his thin fingers running up to Gojo’s white hair. Suguru pulled him close, kissing him intensely, so intensely that Satoru forgot how to breathe. They pulled away after a long time, breathing heavy and staring into each others eyes, purple meeting blue.
They didn’t say anything, just leaned in again, and again, and again, long enough that Gojo couldn’t tell whether it had been minutes or hours. He ran his hands over Suguru’s back and shoulders, anything to ground him enough to realize that this was what he needed all along. Just spending time on Suguru was all he had to do.
Suguru pulled back, and looked concerned. “You are crying, Satoru.” Gojo brought his fingers up to his lower eyes, sure enough finding them wet. He hadn’t cried in awhile, not since he saw the first year trio interacting in such a painfully familiar way. Thankfully, he could hide that with his blindfold. This he couldn’t hide.
“I… don’t know why.” Suguru brought his thumbs to the bottom of Satoru’s eyes, wiping the tears away. Gojo melted into his touch, leaning into it like a cold pillow on a hot summers night.
“It’s okay.” Suguru spoke softly, pressing a chaste kiss to Satoru’s lips. Satoru leaned against his shoulder, collapsing into him. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. Except he was. In the morning Suguru would be out of reach again, he would get away again.
˚₊‧꒰ა 2:47 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
They both fell asleep late, the entire time before going to bed laying in eachothers arms. It was heavenly, but so intensely painful. He was mourning his lovers loss all over again even before it happened. He didn’t regret it one bit, not for a moment.
He got the chance to say many things he should have. Unfortunately, though, he was right. He could have saved Suguru if he just noticed. If he knew what he would’ve done, or atleast saw the signs he would have been able to prevent him leaving jujutsu high. He could have had a life with him.
He slept dreamlessly, curled up to Suguru in the summer nights breeze, which flowed through the window of the bedroom. In truth, he didn’t often sleep. With his reverse curse technique he didn’t have to. This time, he did, despite knowing he would wake up with even less time.
It was the first time he had a good nights sleep in twelve long, agonizing years.
˚₊‧꒰ა 8:17 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
Satoru woke up to find Suguru gone. He shot out of bed, getting up and running down the hall. He sensed Geto, turning and looking to the bathrooms. His entire body took a sigh of relief, and he leaned against the wall. He now only had forty-three minutes to spend with Suguru. It wasn’t enough. Ten years wouldn’t be enough. No time would ever be enough to make up for his reality.
Suguru stepped out of the shower, his lounge clothes on and a towel wrapped around his hair. “You are up early. You don’t usually get up for another hour.”
Satoru feigned a grin, shrugging. “I’m a changed man.”
Suguru laughed, walking up to him and pressing his forehead against his. Satoru quickly obliged, wrapping his arms over Suguru’s shoulders and smelling his sweet cologne. “My, Satoru… you are clingy.”
“How can I not be…. it’s so early.” Suguru had a slight grin playing at his lips, and pressed a quick kiss to Gojo’s forehead.
“Let’s go back to bed then.”
“Eh, not really tired. I just wanna hang out with you.”
“There isn’t any rush.” Geto spoke without knowing that there was. Gojo still wanted to milk every second out of this.
“I know, I know. We can actually get dressed and start going on at like… nine. That sound good?”
Suguru shook his head, sighing. “You know I can’t say no to you.”
They went to Gojo’s dorm, and Satoru took the towel from Suguru’s hair, carefully drying it. Suguru sat happily, allowing Satoru to play with his hair. Usually he hated people touching him. Satoru was the exception.
˚₊‧꒰ა 8:44 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
Satoru layed down with Geto. He admired him, keeping his eyes open and staring at him. He wanted to burn this memory into his eyelids, and keep this moment in his heart forever. He wanted to treasure it beyond any material good.
“What are you thinking about?” Suguru asked, running the back of his hand over Satoru’s cheek.
“You.” He said, grinning. Suguru laughed, pressing their foreheads together.
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
˚₊‧꒰ა 8:59 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
They sat there up until it was almost time. Suguru got out of the bed, Satoru dreaded this moment.
“We should get ready.” Satoru said nothing, just stood up and walked in front of Suguru. Suguru instantly noticed his mood, and pulled him into a hug. “Seriously, Satoru…. what has gotten into you…”
“I’m so sorry for everything Suguru. I’m so sorry that I ever ignored the signs. I should have done this all along.” He felt his eyes sting again, his body trembling. Suguru shook his head.
“It’s okay, Satoru. We have plenty of time.” Satoru’s breath hitched, and he clutched onto the back of Suguru’s shirt. “Tell me what’s wrong. I can help.”
“No… it’s nothing.” He said, biting his lip to suppress any sobs that threatened to escape.
“Satoru—“
Ten seconds.
“I’m so sorry Suguru. I—“
Fine seconds.
“I love you.”
Suguru pulled back, giving him a smile and a kiss. “I love you too, Satoru.
˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
Satoru jolted back, nearly falling to the floor. He was in his office again, alone again. He covered his mouth with his hand, sobbing into it and leaning against the wall adjacent to his desk. He could have done so much more to save Suguru. He shouldn’t have died. He should have done something to keep him within his reach.
He fell to his knees, crumpling to the floor. His vision was blurred with tears that he couldn’t possibly suppress. Not anymore.
“I love you too, Satoru.”
He didn’t say that when Satoru killed him. He finally, finally, got to hear it.
He felt something in his pocket. He pulled it out slowly, and his entire body went cold. There, left in his pocket from when he woke up was a group of four pictures that Suguru and him took at the photo booth. He laughed, his body trembling as he clutched them to his chest.
He would never forget this. He would never forget Suguru. He would never, ever recover from this.
He didn’t want to. He wanted to live and breathe in that grief so he at least had some piece of Suguru to hold onto.
The white lilies on the urn mocked him, telling him that he would never get that moment back. Now, that button he dropped into the urn was reduced to ash, cradled within the cursed object that finally gave him a glimpse of what should have been.