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It was the middle of the night, a few weeks after the Inversion, and Lovely was sitting on Sam's porch.
Sam and Vincent were inside, sitting in the living room. They could hear them now, discussing the logistics of their turning. Sam had looked after newborns before, and he was in the middle of offering advice when Lovely chose to stop listening. It took more effort than they expected, to pull their hearing away from them.
Focusing on the crickets and the night breeze, they only just managed it. They could still hear Sam and Vincent’s voices, but their words had faded into the background. Vincent deserved some time to process things with Sam.
Lovely would go back in soon. Vincent had been so kind and attentive, at their side nearly every waking moment. It was sweet, and needed more often than not... but Lovely also needed a few moments alone. To collect their thoughts. To breathe fresh air.
And to try something.
Slowly, Lovely raised their hand and aimed it at a tree nearby. But what once would've been a bolt of lightning was now a sad, fizzling shower of sparks. They tried again, and again, and again. Each time, the sparks died a little faster.
It was about what they expected.
Their heart still sank.
They were about to try again when they heard footsteps approaching. They could hear the difference in footsteps now, they thought distantly. Not Vincent's shoes, but heavy, sturdy boots.
"You're not lookin' to burn the place down, are ya?" Sam asked. He had two glasses of sweet iced tea and a soft, sympathetic smile.
"No," Lovely said, taking the offered glass with a murmured thanks. "Sorry, I just... I had to see for myself."
"I get that." Sam gestured to the chair next to them. "Mind some company?"
Lovely nodded, and Sam settled down. After a moment, the two of them looked out at the forest beyond the porch. Trees swayed in the wind, and Lovely took a sip of sweet tea. A long moment passed before he spoke again.
“I...I don’t wanna presume what you’re going through,” he said, almost awkwardly. “But if it helps, I understand what it’s like to lose a piece of yourself like this.”
“What do you mean?”
“I was a healer before I was turned. A damn good one. I miss it somethin’ fierce.”
Lovely waited for a moment for Sam to continue, but he didn’t. They decided not to press for more details. So they sat there together, just crickets and the night breeze to break the silence. After a while, Lovely asked the only question they really wanted answered.
“How do you deal with it now?”
“Deal with what, exactly?”
“With losing...” They trailed off, holding up their hand and seeing only the faintest sparks coming from their fingertips. “It feels like I’ve lost everything.”
“It’ll take time, more than anythin’ else. But you do what you can. You look after yourself, lean on your people. I know Vincent’s been with you every step of this. Let him help you where he can.” Sam paused, cleared his throat. “One more thing. This part’s the hardest, but the sooner you get started on it, the better.”
Lovely looked over at him now, and between a sad smile and downcast eyes, they felt a weary sort of acceptance in his expression.
“Find somethin’ else. Somethin’ to fill your time and get your mind off things. I didn’t ever think I’d end up in real estate, but it’s...honest work, if nothin’ else. Maybe if you’re lucky, you’ll find somethin’ you like.”
He sounded dejected, resigned. Lovely understood the feeling. If they were honest with themselves, it wasn’t exactly what Lovely wanted to hear. Their lightning, viciously earned as it was, had been theirs. It had run through their veins and lit up their core. It couldn’t just be...gone.
“C’mon, we should go back.” He said, standing and stretching his neck. “You, me, and Vincent have a couple more details to go over before y’all head out.”
Lovely thought of the bolts of lightning they used to wield, the giddy joy they’d seen reflected in Vincent’s eyes as they mastered their power. They thought of the sad, fizzling shower of sparks they made now, and felt like Sam could’ve been right.
And yet.
“Wait. Sam, one more question.”
“Of course. Shoot.”
“You do still heal, though. The Shaw’s beta, and your mate...”
Sam huffed out a soft, sad laugh. He still couldn’t meet their eyes.
“I can heal, if it’s called for. But I’m not a healer anymore. It’s different.”
Lovely had nothing to say to that.
“C’mon, Vincent’s waiting for us.”
He gestured to Lovely, and the two of them made their quiet way back into Sam’s home.
After The Summit, after everything they’d learned about The House of Solaire, after Vincent and Sam and Lovely all decided to go their own way, they were at Sam’s old home one last time.
The sun had just set, and the sky was still full of lingering color. Lovely still stood back under the awning of the porch. They knew the limits better now, knew how much residual sunlight they could take. Even then, they tended to wait until the last of the orange hues faded and the stars began to twinkle, just to be safe.
They could hear Vincent and Sam and Sam’s mate in the living room, laughing at something. They let the sounds of their voice stay distant and muffled. It was easier now, for Lovely to pull their hearing away.
They took a deep breath, letting the crickets and the night breeze take over their senses, reflecting on everything. Sam and his mate had already packed up, ready to leave behind the house associated with their old life. Lovely and Vincent were still deciding what they wanted their new eternity to look like. There had been so much change, and there was more coming.
So Lovely stood on Sam’s porch, breathing in a moment of calm amidst all the chaos.
Then they heard footsteps approaching. Heavy, sturdy boots. Sam.
“Hey,” He said. He had a warm smile and two mugs of freshly-made green tea. “Mind some company?”
“Not at all,” Lovely said, taking the offered mug with a grateful smile. “Thanks, Sam. I was just getting some fresh air, now that the sun’s down.”
Sam nodded and leaned against the wall next to them. They stood in a comfortable silence for a moment, watching as the sky darkened and the stars came out. Then Lovely took one last deep breath.
“We should probably head inside,” They said, already turning to go back. “I think Vincent wanted to go over a few more things.”
“Before we do…. Well, see, I actually came out here to talk to you about somethin’.”
Lovely stopped walking, turning back toward Sam.
“I wanted to set the record straight,” He said, looking them right in the eyes. “And I reckon I owe you an apology.”
“For what? What do you mean?”
He kept eye contact for a moment more, then stepped toward the porch’s railing, leaning forward on it as he looked out at the darkening sky.
“Right after you were turned, you and Vincent came to me for advice. Vincent needed help caring for a newborn, but you… you were feelin’ like you lost somethin’ important to you, and I made it seem like it was gone for good.”
Lovely stepped forward to join him, leaning on the railing and watching the orange hues darken.
“I was wrong. I don't just heal when I can, I am a healer. I may not be as good at it as I used to be, and I’ll never be as good as I could’ve been. But this is still something I wanna do. So I’m gonna do it.”
Lovely turned to look at him then. The sky was more dark than orange now, but the last of the daylight still reflected in his eyes. There was still some sorrow, some regret. But what was once a defeated acceptance was now determination. A plan, and an action. There was hope.
“I spoke to an old professor of mine at DAMN. I’m startin’ classes again soon. I know you took some time off from your courses after everything. I don't mean to tell you what to do, but if you miss your old power like I missed mine, you should look into gettin’ back into it.”
Lovely paused for a moment, letting the thought settle into their mind.
"...You know, I think I will."
"Good. That's...good to hear. Vincent was always tellin' me how happy it made you, and you deserve that."
He turned to face them then, look them square in the eye.
“I’m gonna say this again, because I mean it. I was wrong. I was wrong to tell you to find somethin’ else when you already had somethin’ that mattered to you, and I’m sorry.”
Lovely smiled then, a soft sort of thing. They held up their hand and let the faint and fragile sparks dance on their fingertips. They lasted longer than they last time they’d tried, and Lovely took that as a good sign.
“It’s alright, Sam. I think I get where you were coming from.” They sighed and let the sparks fade out. “It’ll be hard, knowing what I used to be able to do. But you’re right. I do miss my lightning, and if I can get even some of it back, I should. And I will.”
They raised their mug, tilting it towards Sam. “To new beginnings?”
Sam huffed a little laugh at that. It was bittersweet, and it always would be. But Lovely felt less alone, knowing that Sam understood.
He raised his mug in turn. “To new beginnings.”
They clinked their glasses together and downed the last of their tea. The sky was fully dark now, and the crickets and the night breeze swept over them as they took in the view from Sam's porch one final time.
Then Lovely looked at Sam, tilted their head back towards the house, and the two smiled again as they made their way back inside, towards their partners and toward whatever came next.