Work Text:
Eddie has been in Texas for 10 days, 11 hours and 37 minutes. Not that Buck’s counting or anything, he just misses his best friend. It’s not exactly the weirdest thing to know how long it has been since he messaged a confirmation of his safe arrival at his new home, one that is uncomfortably far away.
Living in Eddie’s house isn’t particularly helpful either, Buck has been here a thousand times, slept here more times than he can count, made pancakes in the kitchen in the morning and chugged coffee as they ran out the door. And that’s the issue, it’s always been them, not just Buck but Chris, Eddie and Buck. He keeps looking around waiting for the clack of Chris’ crutches in the corridor, or Eddie yelling so he can be heard over Chris’ headset, waiting for Eddie to curse as he burns his hands attempting to make dinner, waiting for any sign that they’re still here.
Of course it never comes, two of the most important people in Buck’s life are states away and he has no idea when he’s going to see them again. The house is silent, and so simultaneously his and not his at once that it feels suffocating.
He had emptied all his boxes, moved his stuff properly in, and tried not to cry at the fact that he already had shirts hung in the closet and utensils in the kitchen drawers. He played music to fill the uncomfortable silence, and sobbed when he realised Eddie had left a framed picture of the three of them on the bedside table. He’d attached some of Chris’ old drawings to the fridge, a hopeless attempt to convince himself that this was still the home it has always been. One where he can be happy and content, full of laughter and support in even the toughest moments.
Despite Maddie advising him to become comfortable with being alone, and his desperate attempts to stay in the house he had ended up on her doorstep once more, tears in his eyes and a dull ache in his chest. She had been understanding as always, letting him collapse on her sofa and pass out until Jee-yun had woken him by repeatedly poking his cheek, begging for Uncle Buck to make pancakes.
This happens again the next three days, to the point Chimney just jumps in Bucks car after their shift, complains he’s too tired and tells him to drive straight to his place instead of showing up in the middle of the night. Buck apologises, they wave it off, and he doesn’t know if he’s ashamed or grateful that no one is surprised or annoyed he’s taking this so hard.
Bobby still says BuckandEddie like it’s one word, to the point he started remembering to say Ravi but adds it on, so it's BuckandEddie and Ravi, much to his annoyance. Buck apologises to Ravi, and they are actually able to become somewhat friends, still at arm-length but working well together. Hen subtly yet noticeably still looks for Eddie at Buck’s side, not used to only finding one of them, a significant pause in her words as she forces herself not to remember to call for Eddie too.
It’s still odd, he and Eddie had been so in sync all of the time that he's finding it difficult to adjust, to remember to talk through every step, every action. Buck also realises that they had been making an embarrassing amount of tasks 2-man jobs when it was actually probably easier for one person to do alone.
It’s difficult, attempting to balance the support and the pain of missing him. The whole firehouse, even Buck despite his less than mature response to the situation, were- are supportive of this move, so incredibly glad Eddie gets to be with his son again. That doesn’t change the fact it feels like they’re missing a family member, a crucial part of their team. Everything feels unbalanced now, and it’s going to take a long time to get used to it.
After a particularly laid back shift, only a few calls that had all been cleared up within an hour, Buck decides to try the house again, determined to not spend another night on someone's couch.
That’s how he ended up here, fighting back tears as he stands in the front room of a house that used to feel so familiar and warm but now feels cold and empty. Eddie has been in Texas for 10 days 11 hours and 43 minutes and Buck is falling apart.
There's a knock at the door, far too soft and quick to be Eddie but his heart still stutters with hope as he takes a deep breath and wipes away tears before answering. An unfamiliar woman stands on the doorstep and Buck offers her a weak smile, trying not to let his disappointment show.
“Hi, so sorry to bother you,” She waves and offers him an awkward smile, clearly nervous, “I’m Natalie, from two doors down, we haven’t met yet I only moved in three weeks ago.”
“Oh, right, nice to meet you, I’m Buck,”
“I’m really sorry to ask, but is there any chance you can help me? You’re a firefighter right?”
“Oh shit, is something on fire?” Buck startles forward, confused as to why they’re wasting time with introductions if the block could go up any second.
“No, no nothing like that, that’s my mistake,” Natalie laughs awkwardly, fiddling with a hairband around her wrist, “I just, this is sort of awkward but I haven’t finished unpacking, and the movers stacked some stuff that I can’t move, and I don’t know anyone so I was wondering-”
“Yeah, no worries, just give me a minute to get some shoes on and I’ll come help out,” Buck rushes back into the house, giving himself a moment to catch his breath as he gets ready. He knows most of the neighbours, this is the first one he’s met without Eddie. The first time a neighbour has knocked on the door expecting it to be his house rather than Eddie’s, it’s a perculiar feeling.
“I would’ve introduced myself sooner,” Natalie says as she unlocks the door, almost as if she’s defending only having come over when she needs something, “I just wasn’t sure if it was a good time, with you getting divorced and all, I didn’t want to intrude.”
“What?” Buck responds a few seconds too late as the door closes, having taken a moment to process what was actually said.
“Uh yeah,” Natalie drops her keys onto a side table, wandering further into the house, leaving him standing awkwardly in the entranceway. “I didn’t, it’s not like I was spying or anything, I just happened to be coming home as you guys were saying goodbye”
“You saw Eddie leaving?”
“I guess? I didn’t get a chance to meet him before, but the other neighbour said he was moving out with your son and you weren’t taking it well.”
“Oh, yeah no it’s been hard, but we weren’t- we, uh weren’t married,” Buck finally moves, laughing awkwardly as he tries to find the words, for starters the new neighbour thought they were divorcing, and the other neighbours knew how badly he was reacting to Eddie being gone? He hardly spoke to them.
“Oh my god, I’m sorry, I just assumed you were,” Natalie looks at him with wide eyes, hand over her mouth as she worries she already made a terrible impression on her new neighbour, “Still it must be hard splitting up with someone you love so much, anyway, it’s just through here, thank you so much for helping me out.”
She gestures to the corner of the room where several large boxes are awkwardly stacked to the ceiling, easy enough for him to deal with but too tall for Natalie to even reach. He takes the opportunity to try and divert the topic of conversation and takes it,
“Huh, those movers really just wanted to get it over and done with, could’ve at least made it all accessible,”
“Yeah, I’m really sorry, I should’ve introduced myself before asking for help, I know it makes me look like a dick,”
“No, not at all, no worries I’m happy to help out, truly.” Buck reassures, both of them standing there awkwardly, “Uh, where do you want this top box?”
“I think it’s for the kitchen, but if you could just get it down me and my partner can deal with the rest later,”
“It’s fine, I can take it to the kitchen,” Natalie rubs a hand over the back of her neck awkwardly, clearly still feeling bad about coming to him for help.
“This whole thing is a bit awkward huh?” Buck offers, laughing as they walk through to the kitchen, “Helping is sort of my whole thing, being a firefighter and all, so truly don’t worry about it.”
“I shouldn’t have brought up your ex,” Natalie cringes slightly, avoiding eye contact as Buck outs down the box, “You’ve looked like you’re about to cry since,”
“Eddie’s not my ex,” Buck smiles, and Natalie brightens.
“Oh, you’re still together? That’s great, you looked like you really love each other,”
“Uh-” Buck doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he says nothing, instead pointing over his shoulder and awkwardly hurrying to grab the next box.
“So, what’s your son’s name?”
Look, Buck knows that he is not actually Chris’ parent, merely a potential guardian in the case of Eddie’s untimely death, and sure, he’s been on the school’s contact list, and is an emergency contact and has basically helped look after Chris since they met, but he is not an actual parent, he knows. He is also very weak, very very weak, and what Chris and Eddie don’t know can’t hurt them, so if he answers and lets Natalie believe he is a parent, does it really matter?
“Chris, he’s amazing, just the smartest and kindest kid out there, he’s incredible, never lets anything get him down”
“He sounds like a great kid,” She laughs at the way Buck’s entire demeanour changes, completely lighting up at the opportunity to talk about Chris.
“You have no idea,”
“I hope I get to meet him one day,” She says it so surely, like Buck has told her they’re coming back soon, that it physically hurts. She carries on, talking about hosting some neighbourhood barbeque when she and her partner have finished up the house, but Buck isn’t listening.
Eddie has been in Texas for 10 days 12 hours and 7 minutes and Buck doesn’t know if he will ever come back, if Chris will ever come back. For all he knows he’s going to spend the next 2 years knowing them through texts and video calls, maybe a visit or two, but that will slowly trail off, until there’s updates every other month, and then only a call when something major happens, then eventually nothing.
Is he ever going to see Chris graduate? Will he be there to help with college applications? With moving into dorms? Is Chris ever going to sit on the couch with him after a long day and watch national geographic documentaries with pints of ice cream as they plan their next trip? Will he ever get the chance to hug Chris into his side like he isn’t getting too tall and ruffle his hair while they both laugh and Chris pretends not to enjoy it?
Buck isn’t a parent, but he loves that boy like a son.
“Ah shit, I did it again didn’t I,” Natalie halts his train of thought, breaking him out of his panicked spiral, an abashed look on her face as Buck grabs the final box.
“I should be concerned you can read my expression so well,” Buck jokes half-heartedly and she has the decency to laugh instead of level him with a concerned look.
“You’re definitely the kind of guy that wears his heart on his sleeve. I met you half an hour ago and I can tell how much you love your family,”
Buck finishes with the boxes, declines the offer for payment, excuses himself with the justification of an early shift the next morning and returns to the house to wallow in self pity. He can’t explain why he didn’t clear everything up, why he let Natalie believe that he and Eddie are together and raising Chris, it just… seemed too painful to deny?
Buck busies himself around the house, cooks dinner, then bakes enough to feed the entire street, cleans, does laundry, then deep cleans, then potentially spills some flour just so he has something to clean until there’s nothing left to do.
He looks at pictures of the three of them, mostly with Chris but a few without until his blinking slows down, and his breathing evens out.
Eddie has been in Texas for 10 days 17 hours and 5 minutes, and Buck is asleep on the couch.
He wakes the next morning with a start, an ache in his neck and drool all over his cheek. There’s barely time to process that he finally spent a night at Eddi- at his place, not even a moment to consider it as he rushes out the door, the closest to being late for a shift that he’s been in years.
The day passes as most do since Eddie left. The calls go well enough, Ravi is an excellent firefighter and they work well together, but it will never be the same. Ravi snaps at him for forgetting to talk through the plan again, and Buck apologises half-heartedly. It’s not like he’s doing it on purpose, he’s just been so used to doing things differently.
They go on calls, he does chores, he helps Hen check over the supplies, there’s more calls, and he’s pretty sure he eats at one point but can’t be sure. Everything’s a daze, he isn’t sure what to think, what to feel.
“Buck?” He’s broken out of spiralling by their Captain calling him, his voice laced with concern. He hums in response, looking up only to be met with three faces peering at him in worry. “Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, no yeah why wouldn’t it be?”
“Maybe because you’ve been polishing the same window for the past twenty minutes,” Hen responds with a raised eyebrow, “And you were supposed to be helping with dinner.”
“Oh.” Buck responds slightly embarrassed, he’s been completely lost in thought all shift, still in shock from the interaction with his neighbour yesterday. “I didn’t even realise,”
“Obviously,” Chimney remarks sarcastically, snatching the rag from Buck’s hands and chucking it into the laundry bin, “So what’s bothering you so much Buckley, you didn’t show up on my doorstep last night so I assumed you were getting over this,”
“Yeah, I just - I had a really weird conversation yesterday,”
“With Eddie?” Bobby questions, clapping a hand on Buck’s shoulder as he leads the group towards the kitchen
“No, with my neighbour,”
“Ok? What was weird about it?” Chimney, ever the gossip asks, already pulling his phone out to message Maddie about all this.
“I’ve never met her before, she’s relatively new to the neighbourhood,” Buck starts, ignoring Hen’s scoff as she reminds him that technically so is he, “And she apologised to me, said she was sorry to see we were getting divorced, she thought me and Eddie were married.”
No one responds, sharing awkward glances across the room as they try and silently debate who has to answer first. Buck isn’t an idiot, he knows people have mistaken them for a couple before, assuming they were raising Chris together, which he secretly loves. His favourite was the time when a teacher had accidentally referred to Buck as the biological parent, and Chris had simply agreed and done nothing to correct it, leaving both him and Eddie slightly in shock.
This is the first time that someone has assumed him and Eddie are a couple without the involvement of Chris. It doesn’t make sense, without Chris what is it that makes people think they’re together? Ever since Eddie left everyone seems to be wondering if they were actually in love and just attempting to hide it.
“I mean, she never even met Chris,” Buck laughs, a mixture of bewilderment and discomfort, “So why would she think I was divorcing Eddie?”
“Hm I wonder,” Chimney remarks as he shoves a piece of bread in his mouth and darts away before anyone can question what he means. Buck furrows his eyebrows, glaring after his brother-in-law. Unfortunately this co-incides with the moment Ravi wanders up the stairs, resulting in an offended look as he tries to figure out what’s going on.
“Don’t worry about it,” Hen calls over as Buck stutters over a defence, “Buck’s annoyed that his neighbour thinks he’s mid divorce.”
“Oh let’s just tell everyone shall we,” Buck pouts, only to be met with an exaggerated eye-roll and a shove on the shoulder.
“To be honest, I thought you were getting divorced when I first got here.” Ravi offers with a shrug as he sets the table, oblivious to the fact that Buck has frozen up, his mouth agape as Hen laughs at him. “You two were clearly going through something and it took me weeks to realise you had never been married.”
“And honestly, that isn’t even the last time I thought you were a couple.” Ravi continues, chuckling slightly as he thinks back on it, not even acknowledging the awkward noises Buck makes in an attempt to make him stop talking, “Everytime I’m on this shift I spend half of it being referred to as one of you guys, you both act like I should be able to read your minds and are constantly moping over the other. You never shut up about each other, and it's always Buck is wherever Eddie is, and Eddie is wherever Buck is and -”
“Ok I think that’s enough,” Hen places a hand on Ravi’s shoulder, jolting him out of what was quickly veering into full blown rant territory, “We should stop before we break loverboy over there,”
Buck looks over at them, worried that if he opens his mouth to defend himself he’s going to throw up all over the station floor. Ravi shoots him a sheepish yet unapologetic look, maybe regretting being so blunt while Buck was in a vulnerable state but not willing to take back what he said.
They work around him, letting him off just this once, although he’s sure he’ll be made to repay them sometime soon. No one bothers him again, or maybe they do and he’s just oblivious to it, letting him stare off lost in thought the way he has been so often lately.
His helpless spiral lasts till the end of the shift, where he determines that he does not have the strength required to spend a second night at Eddi- at his house. He trails after Chimney like a lost puppy, a promise of just one more night that neither of them really believe.His brother-in-law has the decency to just sigh and open the passenger door, and Buck is so grateful, but it also reinforces just how badly he’s coping. If not even Chimney has some sarcastic comment about how afraid he is to be alone at that house it must be even worse than he thought.
Maddie doesn’t even seem shocked to see him, just wraps an arm around his waist and tugs him down to press a kiss against his hairline just like she used to do when he was a teenager. It’s nice. He’s also painfully aware that everyone is treating him like a mourning spouse - although he can’t exactly deny that he has been acting like one.
He helps with dinner, listening attentively to Maddie’s complaints about her day at work - how she can still only take a few calls before needing to take a moment to compose herself. It overwhelms him with guilt - he feels pathetic, for being so lost and upset over Eddie moving to be with Chris when Maddie is able to come so far in less than a month since being kidnapped and nearly killed.
“Do you want to talk about it,” She prompts gently, handing him the salad bowl to place on the table.
“Tell me more about work,” Buck half pleads, not ready to face his feelings. Maddie cups his cheek, patting it twice gently as she sighs and lets her gaze drift over his face in concern.
“Okay,” She concedes, moving away to stir their dinner, “But when Jee’s in bed we need to talk, I’m worried about you.”
Buck almost attempts to tell her not to worry, but Maddie levels him with a look that stops him even trying. She tells him about the flurry of panic she feels before she answers the phone, and Buck focuses on her, trying to forget his worries to support the sister who had always tried her hardest with him.
The evening passes in a blur of distractions - Jee-yun tells him all about her day over dinner, complaining that she wasn’t allowed ice cream before dinner. Chimney gets him to help with the dishes afterwards, before they make a mess making sundaes for dessert. Jee gets him to help her colour a princess castle, and they watch cartoons while she negotiates with him over breakfast food.
“Cookies for breakfast!” She looks up at him with puppy-dog eyes and if Buck wasn’t slightly afraid of Maddie he would agree.
“Hm, how about blueberry muffins,” Not particularly healthy but a better option than cookies. Jee-yun purses her lips in disappointment, jumping down off the couch to grab her sticker book.
“Cookies and you can have my best sticker,” Jee-yun holds up the book, pointing to a large shiny sticker he knows she has been saving for a special occasion and his heart melts. He stands up and scoops her into a hug.
“How about chocolate-chip pancakes, and you keep the sticker?” He offers, ignoring the little tut from Maddie behind them.
“Deal,” She offers a hand for him to shake, tucking the book under her arm and Buck chuckles, shaking her little hand enthusiastically to make her laugh.
“Now little miss, you need to go brush your teeth, and I will see you in the morning with a stack of pancakes, okay?” She nods, wriggling to be let go, and darts off to grab Chimney’s hand.
“Night Uncle Buck,”
“Sweet dreams, Jee-yun,” He blows her a dramatic kiss and she giggles and runs off down the corridor.
Buck barely has a second to take a deep breath and try not to think about Chris before Maddie decides now is the time to confront him about his feelings.
“You need to talk to him,”
“I know,” Buck sighs, collapsing onto the couch with an exaggerated groan, “The worst part is, I have to admit you were right.”
“Well, I thought you’d be used to that by now,” Maddie teases, patting him semi-sympathetically on the shoulder. “I’m glad you figured it out, all we want is for you to be happy,”
“I can’t be in that house, everything reminds me of them.” Buck doesn’t even notice the way Maddie pauses, her face dropping slightly and she wonders if her brother has always been this oblivious.
“What?” She asks, almost scared to hear the response.
“You said about me learning to be alone again, and I can’t in that house. It’s Eddie and Chris’ home, I spend half of the time waiting for one of them to walk down the corridor and the other half upset because I don’t think they ever will again.”
“So what are you planning to talk to Eddie about?” Maddie may need to slap some sense into her younger brother, she had really thought they were getting somewhere, but now they seem further away from a realisation than ever before.
“I need to tell Eddie I want to find somewhere else to stay?” Buck raises an eyebrow, as if he’s confused why Maddie is confused, and she genuinely has no response to give him. She just looks at him for about 30 seconds, before standing abruptly and walking out of the room, calling over her shoulder as she goes
“I can’t deal with this right now,”
“Deal with what?”
Maddie goes to put Jee to bed, the little girl begging to be read more stories and laughing as her parents shower her with love. It makes his heart ache a little more, so incredibly happy that he gets to be a part of this family, that his niece will grow up surrounded by so much love and joy. Another part of him mourns, for his own childhood, for Maddie’s childhood, for everything he’s missing out on with Chris.
She doesn’t say anything about it when she returns, but it’s clear Maddie knows. She’s his big sister, she always has been and always will be able to read him like a book. She smiles comfortingly, patting him on the knee,
“We could probably talk about this for hours, but tonight I just want you to really think about what you feel for Eddie, platonic or otherwise.” She stands and sighs, fiddling with a blanket on the back of the couch, fighting the urge to tuck Buck in, “Same as always, make yourself comfortable, we’ll be in our rooms.”
“Night Maddie, thank you for everything,”
“Sweet dreams Buck”
Eddie has been in Texas for 11 days, 15 hours and 48 minutes. Buck is trying to fall asleep on his sister's couch once more.
He isn’t entirely sure how long he lies there staring at the ceiling desperately trying to ignore what Maddie asked of him. What is Eddie to him? Well he’s everything - he’s Buck’s best friend, his confidant, the person who understands him more than nearly anyone, the person that Buck looks for in every room and searches for to share every laugh. He’s someone Buck can rely on, someone that trusts him enough to leave him his son.
The soft pitter-patter of feet in the hallway save him from having to interpret all that.
“Uncle Buck?” Jee-yun whispers as she stops in front of him, her hair ruffled from sleep, with a teddy locked securly in her arms. Buck gasps dramatically, motioning to keep quiet as he wraps her in a blanket.
“What are you doing up?”
“Uncle Buck, is Eddie gone?” She asks innocently, sniffling slightly as she looks up at him with big curious eyes.
“What do you mean?”
“Is he gone like mama was gone?” Buck is entirely unprepared for this, and has no idea how to handle it. He knows Jee has been to see a child psychaitrist, to help deal with everything and make sure she understood, but this is something he has not had to help with before.
“No, he’s okay, Eddie is with his son,” He reassures, having to rely partially on his training to help compose himself. “Why did you think he was gone like mama?”
“You’re sad,” She reaches up and wipes away a tear that Buck wasn’t even aware had fallen, “Sad like daddy was when mama was gone.”
“Oh, I’m okay Jee, I promise, everything is okay now.” She nods determindely, offering her pinky to swear and smiling when Buck obliges. She yawns heavily, eyes drooping already and Buck knows it’s time to get her back in her bed before it’s too late. He leads her back down the corridor, tucking her in, her soft snores starting befor he even leaves the room.
She sleeps peacefully, completely unaware of the impact of her words. Buck thinks of every time he hadn’t known if Eddie was gone or not, hadn’t known if he was safe or even alive and how it had destroyed him.
He’s seen footage from the well collapse, the pure desperation in his movements, the pleading in his voice and devastation on his face as he fell back into Bobby’s arms. The way everyone had known even then, that if Eddie didn’t come back up, Buck would have been willing to dig down and join him.
Buck has come too close to losing Eddie one too many times, he can’t let him get away this time.
The realisation should hit him like a bus, should shock him and rock his very view of the world. Instead all he feels is regret, for taking so long to realise, for wasting so much time, for never confronting his feelings because he was too scared. Buck has risked his life for Eddie a hundred times and vice versa, but he had still been too scared to admit he loved him.
And he really does love him, he isn’t sure how he’d been so blind to it before.
Buck barely sleeps, trying to come up with a plan, searching for flights and debating whether he should drive. He needs to get to Texas as soon as possible, needs to see Eddie, face to face and confess. Needs to see Chris and hug him and promise that everything is okay now.
He makes Maddie and Jee-yun pancakes in the morning, chocolate chips as promised, washes the dishes and leaves with Chimney, a pep in his step that had been missing for weeks, ever since Eddie confirmed he was leaving. Everyone notices, but no one says anything, afraid to ruin it, or find out it is for something entirely unrelated.
They sit down to eat, carefully avoiding the topic. Bobby talks about work on their house, and Hen chimes in with advice while Chimney offers nothing but shitty decoration ideas. Ravi and everyone else seem half asleep over their plates of food or mugs of strong coffee.
“I need to go to Texas-” Buck blurts out in the middle of breakfast, silencing the table immediately. There’s nothing but the hum of the dishwasher in the background as everyone slowly turns to look at him. “I should- I need to go and see them,”
“We’ve still got 9 hours left of our shift.” Chimney says slowly as he lowers his cutlery, clearly trying his hardest to hold back a snarkier comment.
“After shift I mean, I finally get what you’ve all been trying to tell me,” Buck drops his cultery wincing as it clatters on the plate, “So now I have to go, I need to see him and tell him before it’s too late, right?”
”Buck, are you sure this is what you want,” Bobby asks solemnly, looking him in the eye and watching him with that same fatherly look he always has, the one that makes Buck feel like a little kid who wants to tell him everything, listen to whatever he has to say and take it as gospel.
“What do you think I should do, Bobby?” He asks almost desperately, confused and lost, wanting nothing more than for everything to finally become clear, for there to be an undisputable answer to all his questions. He doesn’t even care that there are other people there, that Chimney, Hen and Ravi are all watching him in a mixture of pride, relief and concern, all he can think about is Eddie and Chris, and how much his chest aches when they’re not around.
“I think you should stop waiting around,” Bobby smiles reassuringly, his tone encouraging and warm “It’s doing you no good sitting here staring at the wall, I already called someone to cover you, so get out of here,”
“Go get your man, Buckley,” Chimney chimes in, clapping his hands together, “Maybe then you can get off my couch,”
“You’ve got this Buck,” Hen smiles and pats him on the back. Ravi doesn’t say anything, but relief is clearly written all over his face, hoping that he will finally be freed of the clutches of Buck’s endless pining and able to return to his normal routine of whatever shift he’s needed on instead of trapped in the mess of A-shift.
“I- I’m going to stop by the house and grab some stuff, then I’m going to Texas!” He confirms as he stands up so quickly he nearly knocks over his chair.
“Yeah? your house or my house?” Chimney remarks sarcastically, but supportively slapping him on the back as he basitcally rushes him down the stairs, “And message your sister, I’m not explaining this to her,”
“You owe me 50 bucks Han, pay up,” Hen states, and if he wasn’t so desperate to leave he would’ve stopped to comment, but he only has one goal - and he needs to leave before he chickens out.
Eddie has been in Texas for 12 days, 6 hours and 37 minutes. Buck won’t let it reach 13 without seeing him.
Something about all this feels definitive, this is what everything has been leading up to, this is the final part of the puzzle, the last chapter of a book that has been open far too long. The end, but also the beginning. Buck’s chest practically aches with hope, and a yearning to see Eddie and Chris again. He feels like he’s going home.
Which has been the issue all along, the house isn’t what felt like home, it was the people. The love and respect, the ability to bounce back from anything, the understanding and forgiveness. From the very first day, despite the slightly rocky start, everything has been leading up to this.
From bombs, to trucks crushing limbs, to lawsuits that threaten to rip them apart, through earthquakes and tsunamis, the well where Buck felt his heart shatter, to gunshots and breaking down in front of Chris, getting kidnapped and the fear when he thought for even a second there was a chance he lost Eddie again, the desperate fight to recover from his coma and come back to those he loved
A million different times they nearly lost each other, yet came back over and over. It’s been there all along, so obvious now but they had been so oblivious. How much time had they wasted, how many years have the people around them been secretly, or not so secretly, waiting for them to figure it out.
Everything seems clear now, all Buck can hope for is that Eddie feels the same way, that this isn’t some one sided pining that will destroy everything he has been so determined to save.
Cursing the LA traffic, he stumbles out of the car, hands fumbling over his keys, one thought repeating over and over in his mind like a mantra - get to Texas, get back to Eddie and Chris. Looking up, he stops abruptly, keys falling to the floor as his mouth falls open in shock.
“Ed-Eddie?” Buck panics, he can’t help it, he may be hallucinating. If he isn’t, and Eddie is here, this can’t be good. Did something happen? Is Chris refusing to see him?
“Hi Buck,” Eddie’s voice is full of relief, his eyes softening as his gaze drifts over Buck’s face, analysing every detail like much has changed in the past 12 days.
“Is everything okay? Where’s Chris?” The panic fades as Eddie smiles at him so brightly it can’t be mistaken for anything other than pure joy.
“He’s going to come home,” Eddie barely finishes the last word before Buck is crashing into him, burying his head into Eddie’s shoulder as he sobs in relief, a tension he hadn’t even realised he was holding bleeding out of his body as strong hands wrap around his back like confirmation his family is coming back to him.
“Chris is coming back?”
“He’s coming home to us,” Eddie confirms, his voice lighter than it’s been in months. The words make Buck’s heart stutter, a foolish idea of reciprocation as he considers them. The way it's so effortlessly said, referring to the two of them as Chris’ home, the inclusion of Buck as someone for him to come home too, it’s overwhelming.
“When?”
“His flight gets in next Friday,” Buck lifts his head to meet Eddie’s eyes, the two of them sharing the joy at their boy coming home, “I told him we’ll be there waiting for him when he lands,”
“What about the house in El Paso?” Eddie winces, and Buck freezes, stepping back with a gulp as he breaks eye contact. It hits him then that he hasn’t thought this through yet - what’s going to happen now that they’re back. Is Eddie about to ask him to move out?
“We should go inside to talk,” Eddie looks around, suddenly much more nervous and Buck hates it, he can’t stand the way Eddie’s now refusing to meet his eye, wringing his hands anxiously, “I’m pretty sure those new neighbours are watching us,”
Buck sighs, bending down to pick up his keys and waving over his shoulder at Natalie and what he assumes is her partner peering at them around a curtain. Suddenly he is so much more nervous than he had been before, so unsure of where he stands now that Eddie is here in front of him.
He follows him into the house, slowing his breathing as the rose-tinted glasses are raised and he realises how stupid he was being. Eddie is his best friend, can he really jeopardise that over some delusion that Eddie could love him back, risk losing both him and Chris all because he yearns to love and be loved.
“I managed to get out of the lease for the place in El Paso,” Eddie starts, stood in the middle of the corridor, his hands shoved harshly into his pockets as he stares at the picture on the wall. It’s a large group photo, from a firehouse event before Chris left, with all of them happy and smiling. Chris stands between both of them, each with a hand placed on his shoulders, all beaming widely.
“That’s great, right?” Buck isn’t sure how to respond, closing the front door as he steps closer to Eddie who now looks on the verge of a panic attack.
“Chris looks so much like you in this photo,” Eddie’s voice is borderline monotone, so Buck doesn’t assume he’s joking. It’s been said before, they have the same blondish curls, and sometimes their personalities are so similar that it’s striking. It’s not something revolutionary, but it still feels like it holds more weight than it ever has before.
“I would do anything for that boy, you know that,” He knows that Eddie knows this, but he still feels like reminding him, it seems important.
“I know,” Eddie basically whispers the response, the tension thick as he fights a silent battle in his mind. “He’s missed you.”
“Yeah? That’s sort of a relief, I missed him so much I was terrified he didn’t care that he hadn’t seen me.”
“We spoke about you a lot,” Eddie confesses, his voice still low like he’s trying to not be heard. Buck’s heart races, he wants to blurt out how much he cares for Eddie, how much he loves the life they built together, how much he loves Eddie but he refrains, sensing how important this is for Eddie to say. “Chris was more than happy to let me know what an idiot I’ve been.”
Standing in this house, one that holds so many memories, pranks and tricks, film nights and building forts with Chris, awkward dinners and sleepy mornings, drinking after a hard day and sleeping over on the couch, refuge in the darkest nights, light in the hardest times. Eddie looks at him, and Buck knows.
It doesn’t need to be said, they’ve always been able to tell what the other is thinking, it’s going to be said anyway.
“Buck I love you,”
And Buck has never been so sure of something in his life. He rushes forward, cradling Eddie’s face in his hands as he kisses him desperately. Trying to communicate years worth of feelings into one singular kiss, the culmination of everything that has been and a promise for everything that is to come.
“I think I’ve loved you this whole time,” Buck breathes out when they separate, both breathless and laughing in relief. “I don’t think I know how to not love you,”
Eddie isn’t in Texas, he’s right here, and he’s here to stay.