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“Nababaliw ka na.”
It’s the only thing you can think of saying, because it’s the only thought going through your mind at the moment. You’re pretty sure you look like an idiot right now, wide-eyed and looking incredulously at the person sitting before you.
You can’t help it though, because what she said is totally baffling and outrageous. You stare at her in disbelief for a bit longer before you take a deep breath to collect yourself, your expression slipping back to its usual calm.
Maloi, your childhood friend of almost twenty years, looks at you with pleading eyes and her lips jutted out in a pout. She’s cute, criminally so, and you’ve lost count of the number of times she’s used said cuteness to get you to do her bidding over the years.
And even though you feel your resolve slowly slipping, you gather all the self-control you have left in your body to not give in to her pleas this time.
It’s an insane request, what she’s asking of you. And right now, you can’t help but doubt her sanity. Despite your questionable desire to give Maloi everything she wants and make her happy, you just can’t seem to bring yourself to make the request she’s asking of you this time.
She must have seen the resolution in your eyes because the next instant, her shoulders droop in defeat as she looks away from you. A resigned sigh leaves her lips as she reaches for her cup of coffee on the table, and you pretend to not take notice of the way her hands shake slightly as she holds her cup.
“I know it’s crazy. Hindi mo naman kailangang um-oo sa request na to if it makes you uncomfortable. Alam mo namang I’ll never make you do something that you don’t want to do, Tintin. Pero kasi ikaw talaga yung unang taong naisip kong lapitan when the idea popped into my mind.”
After being friends for so long, you’re quite sure you know Mary Loi very well by now. Despite the smile plastered on her lips, you can see the sadness and disappointment in her eyes, perfectly concealed beneath the bright expression she’s currently showing.
It sends a pang straight to your heart, and you can’t help the sigh that falls from your lips as you reach for her hand and hold it in yours, interlacing your fingers together.
She stares at your joined hands for a moment, the smile on her lips turning a bit more mellow and genuine. She squeezes your hand gently, bringing her gaze up to look you in the eyes.
There’s some sort of melancholy in her gaze, the sight of which makes your heart clench. You never really liked seeing the older woman sad.
“I went to my OB two weeks ago,” she starts quietly, breaking the momentary silence that blanketed the two of you.
“I went for my bi-annual check-up. Okay naman siya, I guess. I got the same results I usually get when I have my check-ups. But there was something my doctor discovered this time . . .”
Maloi pauses from talking, taking in a shaky breath as her hand begins to quiver in your hold. Worry immediately seizes your heart, so you squeeze her hand in a silent show of support to ease her anxiety.
She looks at you again, smiling. But her smile is so sad that you get this urge to pull her towards you and envelope her in the tightest hug you could possibly give.
“I . . . I can’t conceive, Tin.”
The worry in your chest intensifies at her words. You look at her and see the broken look in her eyes, and the worry you feel intensifies at the tears almost threatening to roll down her cheeks.
Maloi had always wanted to build a family of her own, to bear and raise children and live a happy life in a house they could call their home. She was inspired by her parents, who loved each other and loved her and her siblings more than anything else in the world.
She had a happy childhood, all thanks to her mother and father, and she grew up wanting a relationship not unlike what they have. She told you this the few times the two of you had serious, heart-to-heart talks over the years.
You can’t imagine how devastated she must have been when her doctor announced the news during that check-up.
“Alam ko naman na pwedeng pwede akong mag-adopt. And I might do that in the future. Pero kasi, I also want to experience bearing a child on my own. Carry it to term and give birth. And nung binanggit ko yun kay doc, she told me I could still try IVF. That I’m still able to carry a baby. But I can’t conceive of my own.”
Maloi pauses to take in a shuddering breath, and you frown as you feel the hand intertwined with yours shake minutely in your hold.
“Ilang beses ko ding pinag-isipan nang mabuti to, and I decided that I wanted to give it a try. Pero hindi din kasi ako kumportable sa ideya na hindi ko kakilala yung magiging donor, so I thought about asking my closest friends for help. It just so happens that you were the very first person I thought of. Inabot din ako ng halos dalawang linggo bago ako nagkalakas ng loob na lapitan ka ngayon.”
“Bakit ako?” is all you can ask, because you’re still trying hard to absorb everything that she’s just told you.
“Sa lahat ng mga kaibigan ko, ikaw yung pinakamatagal ko nang kakilala, Tintin. And there’s no one I trust more than you. Besides, you’re a lovely person, and I have no doubt that your children would be as beautiful and as wonderful as you are,” she responds, her voice sincere.
You feel your cheeks warm at the indirect compliment.
“I’m turning twenty-nine this year, Tin. And I want to at least start before I hit thirty. I kinda read on the internet that IVF success rates decline with age . . .”
“I don’t know, Lucky. I’m sorry, I'm just . . .”
“It’s okay,” she cuts you off, smiling at you in understanding and squeezing your hand to ease your worries.
“Naiintindihan ko, Jhoanna. I know what I’m asking for is too much this time. Diba sabi ko nga, hindi naman kita pipilitin. But for the record, I think your children are going to be really gorgeous ‘Cause, y’know, they’d be your genes.”
The smile she sends your way is warmer and more genuine this time, easing your worries and making you feel a little less bad about rejecting her. Another moment of comfortable silence passes between the two of you, as you both enjoy your remaining coffee whilst still holding hands.
“So ano nang plano mo ngayon?” you ask after a while, when you see that she’s finished with her coffee and cake.
“Hmmm . . . siguro gugugol ulit ng dalawang linggo na mag-ipon ng lakas ng loob to ask someone else.”
“Oh? Sino naman ang naiisip mong tanungin after me?”
It’s just out of pure curiosity that you asked. Just curiosity. Definitely not because of the sharp pain you felt in your chest at the thought of her asking someone else if she could bear and carry their child. Nope. Definitely not because of that.
“Sa totoo lang, hindi pa ko nakakapagdecide kung sino kayna Colet at Gwen eh. I was also going to consider Mikha, but since she’s already dating Shee, I had to cross her out. I’d probably end up asking Gwen first, though.”
“Gwen?”
There’s this uncomfortable twisting in your gut at the mention of Gwen’s name. You didn’t know that she and Maloi were that close for her to be Maloi’s next choice for this situation.
You honestly expected Colet, since next to you, she’s known and has been friends with Maloi the longest.
“Yeah. Mabait at sweet na tipo ng tao naman si Gweny. And she’s beautiful and talented, too. Sa sobrang bait nga nun, baka um-oo na lang siya sa kung ano mang irequest ko even before I finish explaining the situation to her."
Maloi pauses, as if pondering over something. She gets this look in your eyes that inexplicably makes you feel uncomfortable.
"Hmmm . . . Now that I’ve mentioned it, I think I should go. Thanks for the coffee, Tintin. Kita ulit tayo mamaya for dinner?”
Maloi lets go of your hand as she begins fixing her bag, while you just sit there and stare at her dumbly. Why is she leaving already? She promised to spend the whole day with you because you haven’t seen each other in a while.
A pout slowly makes its way to your lips as your brows furrow while watching her.
“Aalis ka na kaagad?” you ask, a bit coldly that she immediately looks up towards you.
“You promised to spend today with me.”
“Saglit lang naman akong mawawala, Tintin. I’ll only be gone for about an hour, maybe two tops. I’m just going to talk to Gwen for a bit, and then I’ll go straight back to you.”
“You’re going to ask her now?”
“Yeah. Before I lose all the sudden courage I got from talking to you. If hindi pa ngayon, baka abutin na naman ng ilang linggo bago ako magkaroon ng lakas ng loob na kausapin siya tungkol dito.”
You hate how the thought of Maloi carrying Gwen’s child makes your gut twist in an unpleasant way. You’re certain that the other woman will agree, because she’s the type of person to always help those in need. But she’s also the type who has a strong sense of responsibility.
So Maloi carrying her child might probably lead to Gwen asking Maloi to marry her, just so she can share the responsibilities of raising their kid with the latter. You don’t understand why, but the thought of the two of them getting married doesn’t sit well with you at all.
“Pwede ka nang dumiretso ng uwi, Tin. Susunod ako after kong makipag-usap kay Gweny. We can watch your fave movies the whole day. I’ll even cook dinner and a midnight snack for you if you want.”
You can only stare as Maloi stands up from her seat, leaning over the table to give you a soft kiss on the cheek. There’s a gentle smile on her lips when she pulls back, and you find yourself momentarily distracted by her beauty.
Maloi’s always been beautiful, that’s why she constantly has a long line of suitors vying for her attention and affection. This, you've known since the start of your friendship.
You don’t know what takes over you, but seeing her turning away makes you kind of panic, so you reach a hand out and hold onto her wrist. She turns back around to face you, brows furrowed and a confused look in her eyes.
Taking in a shaky breath, you almost groan in frustration when you find yourself unable to speak. She chuckles as she looks at you, and you hear a soft “ cute ” falling from her lips that makes you flush a bright red.
“How about this, Tin? I’ll make my meeting with Gwen as short as possible and then I’ll rush to your place right after. Oh, how about I go to that bakery you love so much and get your favorite cake? Okay ba yun sayo?”
While the thought of your favorite strawberry shortcake is very tempting, you’d rather Maloi not leave and stay with you for the rest of the day. You shake your head slowly, making her confused even more.
You never refused cake. Ever.
“No? Is there something wrong, Jhoanna? You know you can tell me anything, right?”
“I’ll do it, I’ll help you get pregnant,” you say, surprising both Maloi and yourself.
You’re not sure why you said it when you were full of doubts just minutes ago, but you also can’t fathom the thought of her carrying Gwen’s or Colet’s baby.
You figure that your sudden moment of craziness doesn’t matter anymore. Not when the gentle, grateful smile that takes over Maloi’s features makes your heart run wildly inside your chest.