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“Gwen, sama ka this weekend?”
Looking up from the book in your hands, you see Colet - your flatmate of five months - giving you a curious look. A soft sigh falls from your lips as you close the book you’re holding, placing it down on top of the coffee table and facing the older woman properly. Your parents always told you that it’s impolite to not give your full attention to people when you’re having a conversation.
“Ano nga ulit meron?” you ask back as you take the can of soda she’s handing to you with a soft ‘thank you’ .
“Celebratory dinner for Mikhs. Since, you know, blockbuster yung latest movie niya. Ininvite ka ni Shee diba?”
Ah. Yeah, that.
You do remember Sheena inviting you to said dinner the weekend prior, and a smile curls at the corners of your lips when you remember the younger woman’s enthusiasm. Sheena’s always been such a sweetheart, and you’d be lying if you were to say that you held no affection towards her in the months that you’ve known her.
“Alam kong ni wala pang tatlong buwan simula nung nakilala mo ang mga kaibigan ko, but I think you know by now that they’re nice people. And they all adore you, so sana makapunta ka.”
Colet’s statement makes you smile because you know, and you adore all of them just the same. In your own way, you do. As someone who’s never really been good at dealing with people, you were initially hesitant about meeting your then-new flatmate’s friends. But they all proved to be very great people, and you found yourself enjoying their presence and their company.
It was also a huge help that there was a very familiar face in that crowd when Colet introduced you to the group.
“Kasama din si Loi, by the way,” Colet adds, as if she knows there’s merit to mentioning that fact.
It makes you chuckle in amusement.
She's right about that.
Mary Loi Yves Ricalde.
A fond smile tugs at the corners of your lips as you think about the older woman. Maloi, unlike Colet’s other friends, is someone you’ve known for quite some time now. She’s a colleague from work, and she was transferred to your department from sales a little over a year ago.
You were the person assigned to teach her the ropes around the marketing department, and a camaraderie of sorts developed between the two of you from the amount of time you spent with each other.
Standing up from your seat as you finish your drink, you pick your book back up and crumple the can in your hand. Gotta recycle to save the environment, a voice that eerily sounds like Aiah speaks in your head.
“Alright. I guess I’ll go,” you tell Colet with a smile.
The older woman grins back, before bidding you farewell with a wave as you turn and walk towards your room.
Ah, this weekend seems like it’s going to be quite interesting.
“Apuli.”
Your supervisor’s thundering voice makes you look up from the documents you were reviewing, your heart suddenly beginning to race as thoughts about getting in some sort of trouble start plaguing your mind. You never did like it when people talked to you using their booming voice. In your head, it's a telltale sign that they're going to berate you.
“Bakit po, sir?” you ask, standing up from your chair in greeting.
He must’ve seen the worry on your face, because he waves his hand reassuringly as he chuckles under his breath.
“At ease, Apuli. You’re not in trouble. In fact, I’m here to ask you a favor,” he says, all smiles.
His beard and the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, as he smiles, make you think of a kind and loving grandpa.
What a random thought.
Or maybe you just miss your grandparents a lot.
“Po?” you ask, just to make sure you've heard right.
“Hija, come here quick,” he says to someone outside your office, complete with hand gestures and all.
Your brows furrow in confusion at that. Who could he be calling into your office right now? Since you’re familiar with every single person working on your floor, you figure it’s someone from another department. But to warrant a visit from your direct supervisor? This person must be quite high up the corporate ladder, then.
Any further questions you have are answered in the next moment, when a familiar mop of auburn hair enters your line of sight. You feel your heart start beating in overdrive as soon as that familiar face finally comes into view.
Maloi Ricalde.
The associate manager from the department of sales, someone who’s quite well-known in your company. She’s well-liked by almost virtually everyone, the upper management and the utility staff alike.
And who wouldn’t? The woman always has a bright smile ready for everyone, and she has the kindness that’s willing to help at all times. She’s very skilled too, so she almost always knows how to handle things around the office whenever there's something that needs to be fixed.
You remember a conversation between some of your male colleagues a couple of months prior, about how almost every single man - and honestly, even including those who are already in committed relationships - who’s ever interacted with Maloi fell for her one way or another.
And to be honest, you understand perfectly well why. You have never had any direct interaction with Maloi to date, but you’ve known about her ever since you joined the company five years prior. Maloi had been in the company for two years by then, and she’d already built up her name well enough by that time to be the subject of office talk sometimes.
“Apuli?”
Your supervisor's concerned voice pulls you out of your reverie, and you feel your face flush when you see two pairs of eyes staring at you. One is laced with concern, the other shining with amused curiosity. Faking a cough in an attempt to hide your fluster, you hesitantly scratch at the back of your neck as you try to regain your composure.
“Sorry sir, may naalala lang po.”
Your apology is met with an amused chuckle from your supervisor and a smirk from Maloi.
“Masyado ka na atang na-o-overwork, Apuli. Di bale, that’s why Ricalde is here. She’s requested a lateral transfer. And since the marketing department has gained more people and more workload in the past couple of months, great timing lang ang paglipat niya since nangangailangan din kayo ng bagong associate manager to help you manage everything. Teach her the ropes.”
He puts his hand on Maloi’s shoulder, who smiles up at him in gratitude before turning again to face you. The smile that she directs your way this time is different - it’s warm, kind, gentle - and you find yourself utterly captivated by how pretty she is when she smiles like that.
“It’s such a pleasure to be a part of the best-performing department for the past three years. I look forward to working with you, Ms. Apuli.”
Even her voice is so pretty, and you have to discreetly pinch your arm to remind yourself that you’re in the presence of other people. Trying to reciprocate her smile, you walk around your desk to offer her a hand to shake.
“Gwen na lang, please. And really, the pleasure is mine. I’m looking forward to working with you too.”
Her smile brightens even more at this, which you thought wasn’t even possible. And when she holds your hand in a firm shake, you find yourself distracted yet again, this time by how soft and warm her hand is.
“Then it’s only fair for you to call me Maloi. Let’s do our best for this fiscal year too, partner.”
Partner, huh? You really like the sound of that.
“Of course, partner.”
The moon is so pretty, as always.
“Are you not drinking tonight?”
The corners of your lips curl up into a ghost of a smile as you close your eyes, your hair billowing with the passing of a gentle evening breeze. It’s a bit chilly tonight, and you’re glad you brought your coat with you when you decided to escape to Sheena’s balcony earlier.
“Gweny?”
Your heart does its familiar pitter-patter at the sound of that voice, and you instantly know who it is even without looking.
“Loi,” you breathe out, the chilly night air carrying your voice towards her.
There’s silence right after, but the sound of footsteps against concrete alerts you to the fact that she’s approaching. Moments later, you find yourself leaning against the balcony railings side by side with the older woman. And it was then that you decided to open your eyes again.
She’s wearing a pastel yellow sundress under a very familiar white knitted cardigan. Ah, it’s the cardigan you gifted her for her birthday the year before . The realization makes you smile a little. And then, your gaze lands on her hand, in which she’s holding a can of soda. The sight makes your eyebrow raise.
“Ako maghahatid kayna Ate Aiah later, so I can’t drink. Ikaw? Why aren’t you drinking?”
Your gaze wanders for a brief moment as you look inside the unit where your friends are. They’re all obviously shit-faced drunk, and you’re pretty sure that you and Maloi are the only ones left sober. You also notice something else, which you find rather curious.
“I’m Colet’s driver for the night. By the way, parang hindi ko ata nakikita si Jhoanna?”
The smile on Maloi’s lips turns softer at the mention of the younger woman’s name, a fond look settling in her eyes which you only see when Jhoanna is involved. The thought makes your heart clench a little, the uncomfortable feeling making you let out a deep sigh as you focus your gaze on the stars above. Beside you, Maloi shuffles.
“May business trip sa Australia. Next week pa makakabalik.”
Your response comes in the form of a noncommittal hum, and a comfortable silence stretches between the two of you after. Maloi starts humming your favorite song - one she’s heard more than enough times during car rides for required work travels out of town.
It makes you smile, because Maloi has always been about the little things. She appreciates every little gesture, every little detail. So in return, you appreciate everything there is to appreciate about her.
Halfway through the song, you feel a familiar weight settle on your shoulder as you find your nose getting tickled by her scent.
“Gweny?”
“Hmmm?”
“I’m glad I met you.”
Her sudden admission catches you by surprise, her words driving your heart to start beating erratically against your ribcage. And before you can get fully flustered, you remember that this is Maloi you’re talking to. And she’s a virtuoso when it comes to words.
Turning your head to the side, you lean in and gently press your lips against the top of her head. You take in a deep breath, committing the strawberry scent of her shampoo into memory, before you turn and lean your cheek against the top of her head.
“I’m glad I met you, Loi.”
It’s been a long day.
It was supposed to be your rest day, given that you had to pull at least three hours of overtime every day the previous week to prepare for a big presentation set for today. However, Sanchez - the idiot from finance who likes to gloat over you and undermine all of your department’s achievements - made a serious blunder earlier in the day. And Mr. Fuentes, your supervisor, had to call you in to help mitigate the damage done.
Had it not been illegal or wrong, you would’ve loved to strangle that good-for-nothing idiot until he turned blue. But alas, it’s not meant to be, so you settled with sending a demeaning smirk his way the whole time he was being berated during the debriefing.
Seeing his face flush with repressed anger and frustration was more than enough to improve your ruined mood. But now that everything’s over and done with, the exhaustion is starting to settle into your body and all you want to do is go home and get some much-needed rest.
“Gweny!”
A call from a very familiar voice makes you stop in your tracks, and you slowly turn around to see what’s up. Expectedly, you see Maloi rushing towards you, the bag hanging from her shoulder a size too big for her lithe frame.
Adorable.
Unconsciously, a smile tugs at the corners of your lips as you wait for her approach. And once she’s finally standing in front of you, you hold a hand out in front of her which makes her pout that adorable pout that you secretly adore.
Wordlessly, Maloi hands you her bag before the two of you start walking towards the building’s exit. The smile remains on your lips, and Maloi’s remains in a frown. It has been a habit - one that you’ve maybe kinda forced - that when the two of you would walk together, Maloi would let you carry her bags.
She’s always reluctant - hence the pout - but this was the prize you asked for on a bet that you won, and she has no choice but to agree. Besides, once she gets over her initial petulance, Maloi would start humming and skipping as she walks beside you.
It’s not a secret that her voice is beautiful, but the way she skips as if she’s dancing to a rhythm that only she herself hears, makes her look even more beautiful. It doesn’t help that it’s usually already dark out when the two of you leave your office, so her being bathed under the moonlight doesn’t really help your poor, yearning heart.
“Hindi ka na naman nakikinig.”
The sulking in her tone is obvious, and you had enough decency to feel reprimanded. You can’t help it though. Your thoughts start having a mind of their own as soon as she’s within your vicinity.
“Sorry, sorry,” you apologize, your voice cracking a little.
Huh. You must’ve been more tired than you initially thought.
Maloi seems to have sensed this too, because she moves to stand facing you, prompting you to stop walking yet again. Her brows are knit in worry, and her lips are curled into an adorable pout as her eyes search yours.
“You’re tired,” she says matter-of-factly.
You could only smile, no longer able to hide the exhaustion that you felt. Maloi lets out a noncommittal sigh as she opens her palm in front of you, as if asking for something. Your brows raise in question at this.
“Susi mo, akin na,” she says in a tone that leaves no room for argument.
You know that when she’s like this, it’s best to just give in. So with a sigh of your own, you reach inside your pocket to retrieve your car keys, which you hesitantly hand to her.
“Sure ka ba? Do you even know how to drive?” you couldn’t help but ask in worry.
The glare she sends your way is enough to make you raise your hands in surrender, a chuckle slipping past your lips as her frown morphs into a grin.
“Marunong kaya akong magdrive. I even have a license, for your information,” she says as the two of you finally reach the parking lot.
The evening breeze is chilly, and you can see Maloi shuddering due to the cold. So you stop walking and reach for the coat slung over your shoulder, reaching for Maloi to drape it over hers.
“Really? How come I’ve never seen you drive?” you asked, genuinely astonished, as the two of you continued walking.
You notice her flushed cheeks, and feeling worried that she might catch a cold, you transfer her bag to your other shoulder before slinging your arm around hers. She lets out a squeak in surprise which, like everything about her, is adorable.
“Your cheeks are too flushed from the cold. I’m just sharing my warmth, baka kasi magkasakit ka,” you explain to her softly.
She shudders yet again, so you pull her closer to your body and tighten your hold. Her breath hitches, but you figure it’s just from the surprise because you rarely initiate physical contact with anyone.
“Bilisan na natin ang lakad. Sobrang lamig, I’m worried na baka magkasakit ka talaga,” you say, hastening your steps, but still keeping in mind the pace of your companion.
You can see your car in the distance.
“Gweny,” Maloi calls out, once you’re both settled inside.
She’s looking at you, eyes shining with worry that it makes your heart skip a beat.
“Yeah?”
“Sleepover ako sa place niyo ah. I know wala si Col, since may site visit siya sa Pampanga this week.”
There’s a hopeful look in her eyes as she stares at you, and really, with how otherworldly she looks under the moonlight, how could you bring yourself to deny her?
“Alright then.”
“Yay! Thank you for agreeing. Sakto din na wala si Jhoanna, so wala akong kasamang matulog tonight.”
Oh.
Jhoanna, huh?
And as Maloi finally drives your car out of the building’s parking lot, you keep your gaze locked ahead, ignoring the sharp pain shooting through your heart.
If there’s one thing you dislike more than the putrid smell of Sanchez’s perfume, it's having to step foot inside a hospital.
The stench of bleach and antiseptic is nauseating, and knowing that you’re surrounded by people who are either sick or dying doesn’t really make you feel all handy-dandy. But Stacey had called in a favor, because Aiah had left her lunch at home.
Stacey was worried that her roommate would skip meals for the day because Aiah, as a doctor, apparently has a habit of forgetting her own needs whenever she's at work. Stacey had sent a text to your group chat earlier, asking if anyone had availability. Almost everyone had something going on, except for you since today is an off day. And since you didn't have anything else better to do anyway, you had volunteered yourself for the task.
Turning the corridor as had been instructed by the nurse at the front desk, you almost collided with someone who was making a turn as well.
“Gwen?”
Looking up, you're pleasantly surprised to see that it's Aiah who's standing in front of you. No need to go looking for the older woman anymore, it seems.
“Hi,” you greet back as an easy smile settles on your lips.
Aiah is one of the first people from your friend group that you felt comfortable with. And even now, months later, the older woman’s presence still makes you feel at ease.
“Bakit ka naparito? May sakit ka ba? Have you gotten yourself checked?”
Aiah’s barrage of questions makes you chuckle in amusement, which in turn has her looking sheepish as a light blush blooms across her cheeks.
Pretty.
She really is one of the prettiest people you’ve ever met. It’s no wonder that a long line of people are vying for her attention.
“Nakiusap si Staku. Naiwan mo daw kasi ang lunch mo. Here,” you explain as you hand her the bag containing her lunch.
Aiah accepts it with a smile, her eyes turning into crescents and for a moment, you find yourself utterly captivated. Yep, definitely pretty .
“Naku, naabala ka pa. Thank you for this, Gweny. I would love to invite you out for some brunch, but I have patients waiting,” she says regretfully, and the slight pout that curls at her lips doesn’t escape your attention.
Cute .
“It’s okay. Maybe some other time na lang?” you offer, which makes the smile return to her lips.
“I’ll hold you to that-”
Her words are interrupted by the beeping of her pager, and Aiah deflates as she lets out a rather long sigh.
“Sorry, Gweny. Duty calls. If you haven’t eaten yet, there’s a cafe on 11th Street that I recommend. Zeke’s Cafe. They have the best coffee and pastries, and they serve savory meals too. Ingat ka ah. And thank you again sa paghatid ng lunch ko.”
With that, Aiah scurries off towards the other hallway, leaving you to your lonesome. Letting out a sigh, you turn on your heels and start making your way towards the hospital exit.
11th street. Wala namang mawawala if you try.
As it turns out, Zeke’s cafe isn’t that hard to locate. You were just a few meters away when, out of the blue, a familiar figure walked out of the building beside the cafe making you stop in your tracks.
Maloi?
Looking up, your gaze finds the signage of the building she just stepped out of.
HUH?
What’s Maloi doing in a maternity clinic?
When your gaze finally lands back on the older woman, you find yourself meeting her gaze. The shocked expression on her face makes her look like a deer in headlights, and you would’ve found it funny had your gaze not wandered again and landed on the piece of paper in her hands.
You know what that is, because your cousin was holding a similar one when you accompanied her to her OB the week prior. And it was then that the doctor confirmed that your cousin was indeed pregnant.
And now, you’re seeing that same piece of paper in Maloi’s hold.
When your gaze travels upwards again, you finally take notice of the way she’s gently cradling her tummy. And it finally clicks.
Oh.
“And now, I’m eight weeks pregnant.”
You honestly don’t know how to react.
Maloi had just finished explaining to you her current situation, and honestly, your brain is still having a hard time trying to process everything that she’s said. But you’re anything but illogical, so try your best to absorb the information piece by piece.
“So, let me get this straight,” you start.
The older woman looks up from her plate, the strips of bacon in her meal completely wiped out in just minutes. It hasn’t even been twenty minutes since the two of you had settled into your seats here at Zeke’s, and Maloi is already almost done with her food.
Then her gaze falls on your plate, and you don’t miss the longing look she sends towards the bacon on yours. Chuckling under your breath, you reach for your fork before you start transferring the meat to her plate.
Maloi looks up at you with a bright grin on her lips, and you can only smile at her fondly as you watch her start digging in. Aiah was right, the food here at Zeke’s is quite good.
“Ask away,” Maloi says as she stuffs one strip into her mouth.
Very well, then. It is better to get this over with anyway.
“Your OB told you that you’re unable to get pregnant naturally, and the only option left for you was IVF?”
A nod.
Another strip of bacon goes into Maloi’s mouth.
“So you ended up asking a friend to donate the egg, tapos nagpunta ka na lang sa sperm bank for the other half of the parentage?”
Again, another nod.
There are only two strips of bacon, a half-eaten muffin, and salad left on Maloi’s plate.
“And all this was done sa US? Yan ba yung time na nag-leave ka for one week tapos you went out of the country?”
“Yup.”
Now, it’s only the salad left.
“Uhm, if it’s okay to ask - and you don’t have to feel obliged to answer - pero sino yung nilapitan mo to donate the eggs?”
You don’t know why, but you have this need to just know. Because you’re sure that not knowing will gnaw at you in the days to come.
Maloi looks hesitant at first, so you smile at her reassuringly. In the next moment, she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.
When she opens her eyes again, she meets your gaze straight on.
“Si Jhoanna.”
Ah.
Of course, it’s gonna be her.
Really, what were you expecting, anyway?
Feeling your mood drop, you try your best to school your expression so that it doesn’t show. You don’t want to alert or worry Maloi, so it’s best to keep your feelings to yourself in the meantime.
“Was she the only choice?”
The question that left your lips has you stunned for a moment. You meant to ask if she wanted a ride to wherever it is she’s headed to next. But your brain seems to have another idea and now you’re feeling vexed at yourself.
Maloi, who looks as stunned as you, finally recovers from her surprise as she lets her gaze roam, unable to meet yours.
Ah, to hell with it.
Suddenly feeling emboldened, you gather your wits about you and ask another question that’s been gnawing at you since earlier.
“Kung . . . Kung hindi pumayag si Jhoanna, what was your plan then?”
At the sudden question, Maloi finally meets your gaze. She bites at her lips hesitantly, as if unsure how to answer your question. But then, she sighs. And with a wry smile on her lips, she answers your question.
“If Jhoanna hadn’t agreed, I would’ve gone to you next, to be honest.”
Her answer leaves you reeling, and you find yourself not knowing how to react because what the actual hell?
But before you can process her words fully, a familiar car parks by the curb just outside the cafe. And since you and Maloi are sitting by the windows, you see it almost immediately.
Maloi gets up from her seat, prompting you to look up at her. There’s a gentle smile on her lips this time, and the look in her eyes as she stares at you is so tender that it makes your heart ache with longing.
“Mukhang andyan na si Jho, Gweny. Sorry I have to go first. May lakad pa kasi kami.”
With that, Maloi walks to your side of the table to plant a quick kiss on your cheek before heading out. You could only sit there, utterly overwhelmed, as you watched her get into Jhoanna’s car before it sped off.
And as you remained seated, your head filled with what ifs and what could’ve been , only one thought lingered in your mind.
What a shame.
What a shame indeed.
How beautiful would have it been, if Maloi were to carry your child?
Ah, what a shame it really is.