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It was supposed to be a quick outing. The two of them would head to the coffee shop near Hyuna’s recording studio, grab a drink, and head back before they could be recognised by either of their fans.
But the plan fell apart as soon as a cry cut through the warm city air.
Hyuna perked up, heart dropping, as she scanned the crowd for the source of the sound. Momentarily, she forgot about the need to keep her head down, to avoid acting out of the ordinary and drawing attention to herself. She knew, with a sinking feeling, that this was urgent.
And she was right.
“Babe.” Though she kept her voice low, she couldn’t quite hide the tremble within it as she squeezed Luka’s hand, interlaced with hers. “Look.”
He glanced at her, concern swirling in his golden irises, before turning and following her gaze. His breath hitched.
There, on the sidewalk on the other side of the road, was a girl, no older than six, glancing frantically around and sobbing. She clutched a rabbit plushie close to herself with trembling hands, the pinnacle of fear and desperation. Passersby dared not spare her a glance, too occupied with their own business to even pretend to care.
For a split second, Hyuna hesitated. She, too, was burdened with a packed schedule. Any delays would earn her a scolding from her manager, especially considering her new album’s release date was fast approaching. She had to head back to the studio soon. As much as it pained her, she had no time to stop, and–
Luka released her hand and ran across the road, eyes wide and legs pumping with a panic Hyuna had seldom seen from him. He swerved away from approaching cars, muttering apologies, and artfully dodged a crowd of pedestrians to get to the girl.
He was a creature that ran on impulse – Hyuna knew this better than anyone. But to such an extent? She had no idea, and she didn’t know how to feel.
What she did know was that now, there was no turning back.
She had to will her feet to move, eventually managing to trace his footsteps and rush to his side. By the time she was there, he was already crouched in front of the child, mask pulled to his chin, and murmuring to her.
“Hey, hey, it’s alright. Please don’t cry.” With hands as gentle as sunlight, he reached up and dried her tears. “I’m here to help, okay? I’ll help you find your mama.”
Hyuna’s breath caught in her throat, too stunned by Luka’s sudden warmth and gentleness to remotely contribute to calming the girl. There was something so mesmerising about it – about the way his gaze softened, the way his voice lilted with a warmth akin to that of an embrace. She had always admired him – as an outstanding actor, as an amazing person and a loving fiance. But what she felt now was beyond admiration, beyond love. It was something she didn’t know how to name, or rather, something she was too afraid to name.
Luka clearing his throat startled her from her daze. She blinked to find Luka having straightened up, the girl’s small hand in his own. He smiled at Hyuna. “You go on ahead, love. I’ll stick around here, search for her mom.”
She swallowed thickly, eyes darting between Luka and the child that peered nervously up at her. It took a while for her to string together a coherent thought, let alone a coherent sentence, but eventually, and to her own surprise–
“Let me come with you,” she blurted out. Screw the consequences. Screw her overflowing schedule and her short-tempered manager. This was a child in need, and damn it all if she wasn’t going to do what she could to make things right.
Luka’s eyes momentarily widened, before his features softened into a breathtaking smile. He glanced down at the girl and gently ruffled her hair. “Hear that? We’re both gonna help look, so you have nothing to worry about, alright honey?” With a final pat on her head, he rested his hand on her back and guided her down the path. “So, can you tell me where you last saw her?”
Hyuna walked beside the two in silence as Luka made light conversation with the girl, doing everything in his power to put her at ease. As much as she wished she could do more, she was still in work mode; she doubted she could handle comforting an upset child without channeling the intensity and energy her job demanded of her.
Luka, though – he was more than ready. It wasn’t even the fact that he was an actor that allowed him to soften, to transform into a figure of kindness and compassion. It was just who he was deep down, even though he rarely dared to let that side of himself show to the public. It was a side of him reserved for moments of intimacy, privacy, and Hyuna was beyond grateful that she was one of few people able to witness it.
The girl nudged Hyuna’s side, prompting her to glance down. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears but also a tentative hope as she offered her plush rabbit. With a stiff movement, she took the rabbit, expecting that to be the end of it. But as if her heart wasn’t weak enough already, she reached out her hand for Hyuna to take.
The ache in her chest grew painful, and she struggled to maintain her composure as she looked to Luka for reassurance. It felt wrong to do this, to indulge in this. The moment was a fragile one, a hopelessly intimate one. At least, it was more intimate than anything Hyuna was prepared for.
But Luka just smiled, cocking his head towards the girl’s outstretched hand as if to say, Go for it.
Taking a deep breath, steeling herself, she wrapped her hand around the girl’s. Her chubby face lit up, the sparkles in her eyes brightening, and with that the three of them were on their way.
Ah.
What was this feeling? This ache within her, growing more and more intense with every moment she spent with Luka and this sweet child? Was she developing a sickness? That would be detrimental. Once her album released, she’d be swept up in a whirlwind of promotions, interviews, perhaps even a tour if everything went well. She couldn’t afford to fall ill. Not now. The mere thought made her stomach drop, made her head spin…
But the feeling faded as a shout pierced her ears.
“Jiyu! Oh my goodness!”
The girl between them halted, a gasp escaping her lips, as her hands slowly fell to her sides. Hyuna pushed down her disappointment at the loss of the girl’s warmth.
Time stood still as a woman hurried towards the three of them, eyes red-rimmed and lips trembling as she looked upon her daughter. There was something heart-wrenching about the motherly concern on her features – it was something Hyuna couldn’t quite understand, though she inexplicably found herself wanting to.
And the moment the mother scooped up her child, hugging her close and murmuring tearfully to her, Hyuna’s world became sharper, clearer, like suddenly everything made sense. Even as the issue was resolved, her heart wouldn’t stop racing, like it was constantly chasing something – a something she had only just deciphered.
“Thank you so much, both of you,” the mother whispered, still holding the girl to her chest. Luka had since pulled up his mask, careful not to reveal his identity, but something told Hyuna the mother couldn’t care less. “Thank you for taking care of my Jiyu.”
It was obvious Luka smiled then even through his mask, due to the crinkling of the corners of his eyes. “She was so brave. You raised her well.” The girl turned and smiled up at him, even as tears stained her cheeks. Luka’s smile widened, and he crouched once more. “See, Jiyu? As long as you stay calm and smile, everything will turn out okay.” He raised a hand. “Here. High five?”
She giggled, smacking his hand. Hyuna couldn’t tear her gaze away from the scene. Taking care of children came to Luka so naturally, Hyuna realised. It was a realisation that did things to her heart, only serving to reinforce what she had already come to terms with moments prior.
It was daunting. But also…
Maybe she could embrace it. If not now, then eventually.
Hesitantly at first, Hyuna stepped forward, crouching beside Luka. Jiyu glanced at her, curious, and Hyuna took her chance.
“You almost forgot a little someone…” She raised the rabbit plushie, letting herself smile.
Jiyu’s eyes lit up, and she reached out to take it, her small fingers brushing against Hyuna’s in a way that intensified the ache within her. Jiyu smoothed out the rabbit’s fur before hugging it close. Hyuna watched her, and in the midst of her inner turmoil, the sight brought her temporary peace.
“What’s its name?” she asked.
“Fluffy,” Jiyu replied simply, stroking one of its ears.
Hyuna hummed with a nod. “Fluffy,” she echoed. Then, after a beat, “Take good care of it, ‘kay?”
Jiyu smiled, ducking her head. “Mhm.”
As Hyuna and Luka bid their farewells, she slid her hand into his once more, making their way back to her recording studio. But she couldn’t help but spare a glance back at the mother and daughter, the ache within her building to a crescendo.
What she’d felt, she realised, was an intense, insatiable longing.
And the ache in her chest was indeed a sickness. But not the conventional sort, no.
As it turned out, the time had come for her to experience what most women around her age inevitably did. She dreaded and anticipated it in equal parts.
Its name?
Baby fever.
***
Ever since that day, Hyuna couldn’t escape it. She’d heard horror stories before – as soon as the sickness festered inside you, it would take the reins of your life.
She figured it was an exaggeration, but now that she was living it, she realised, her stomach sinking, that the sentiment couldn’t be more true.
She’d be on the street, minding her business, when a parent would walk past, holding their child’s hand as they crossed the street together. Her gaze would linger a moment too long before she’d tear her eyes away.
She’d be on a bus, absently watching trees and buildings pass, when a few seats ahead of her, a baby would giggle as their parents played peek-a-boo. She’d watch, unable to help a smile from creeping onto her face, before realising that she was already three stops past her own.
She’d be on the couch, scrolling through social media, when she’d stumble upon a video of a toddler struggling to string together sentences, babbling and giggling. She’d watch it once, twice, ten times, before catching herself and hurriedly exiting the app, struggling to steady the pounding of her heart.
But this wasn’t the worst of it – no.
The ache within her flared painfully whenever she looked at Luka.
At this point in their relationship, it felt like she’d spent hours on end observing Luka; Hyuna was certain she knew him inside and out. But now that she really looked, really paid attention to his behaviour, she came to a wonderfully terrifying conclusion.
He’d be an amazing dad.
He was so careful around fragile things, be it vases and paintings placed around their apartment, or the award and trophy cabinet Hyuna had meticulously arranged in one of their spare rooms.
If he saw a baby staring at him in public, he’d make a ridiculous face at it when he thought no one was looking. Hyuna would notice – every single time. And every time, without fail, her heart ached all the same.
Even at home.
Before bed, Luka always made sure to refill her water bottle should she awaken in the middle of the night.
After a gruelling day of rehearsals and recordings, Hyuna might pass out on the couch. Every morning, she’d wake to find a blanket thrown over her body, with pillows fluffed and adjusted beneath her head.
If she were quiet one day, he’d know she was overwhelmed before she’d even realise it.
He was so patient. So steady. So good.
As she laid in bed at night, she’d imagine him kneeling before their child, voice low and soothing as he guided them through the steps of tying shoelaces. She’d imagine him perched on the child’s bed, slender fingers tracing vivid illustrations as he read bedtime stories, using different voices for each of the characters.
She’d imagine the child, with Luka’s sharp eyes, his blond hair, and her own playful smirk.
And suddenly, the idea of a tiny Luka-Hyuna hybrid didn’t seem so ridiculous anymore.
***
She was convinced that tonight was the night.
Everything was perfect. It was quiet, the both of them were completely at ease, and they were content to simply lie in bed without saying a word.
…That was a lie. Hyuna wanted, so badly, to let her feelings spill, to finally reveal what she’d been pining for for weeks.
She just had to wait for the right moment.
Taking a deep breath, she turned her head, watching as Luka scrolled mindlessly on his phone. His eyes were half-closed, his features lax, and he was probably on the verge of falling asleep. Now was a good time, right? She’d tell him about her baby fever, then he’d briefly acknowledge it and probably forget about it come morning. Easy. Perfect.
She parted her lips, forming the words silently – tasting them on her tongue – before speaking at last. “Hey, Luka?”
He hummed, not even batting an eye. Okay. This was okay.
Steeling herself, Hyuna powered through. “I’ve been thinking. A lot. And I… I’ve been meaning to ask if you wanted to–”
He lowered his phone, glancing at her, and shit, why the hell was his gaze so intense, so striking?
Whatever. Just say it. Say it. If you say it fast enough, it won’t be weird. Say it-
“–get a dog?”
Ah.
She chickened out after all.
Luka stared, blinking once, twice, before murmuring, “A… dog?”
Her heart slammed against her ribcage, chastising her for her stupidity. “Y–Yeah! You know. A… A pet. A companion. Cute little thing running around.”
Luka shifted to fully face her, narrowing his eyes.
“Hyuna, I’m allergic.”
Oh.
“Oh.” Hyuna’s face burned like lava, and she buried half her face into her pillow. “Oh yeah. I, uh, forgot…” She prayed fervently that her mattress would open up and swallow her whole.
The air was deathly silent for a long moment. Hyuna was sure Luka could hear the pounding of her heart, as if she hadn’t embarrassed herself enough already.
Before she could muster the courage to get up, pack her things and fly to a distant solar system, a gentle hand combed back the hair obscuring her eyes, and she was met with the sight of Luka’s soft smile. Suddenly everything was better.
“Maybe we could get a cat instead, if you really want a pet?”
Hyuna blinked and smiled, nodding faintly. “Mm. Maybe.”
His gaze lingered on her face a little longer, searching for something. Hyuna held her breath, fighting to maintain an air of impassiveness – oh, God, did he know? – but thankfully he didn’t pry, returning to his phone.
The lights were out not long after. But even as Luka’s breaths evened out beside her, she couldn’t help but stare at the darkened ceiling for a long while, watching the lights and shadows dance with each passing car.
A pet wouldn’t be the same, she decided. I want something that’s ours, and ours alone.
***
By the next morning, Hyuna forgot all about what had transpired between her and Luka.
She couldn’t help it. She awoke to a call from her manager – a warning to come to work early, to catch up with all the scheduled events she’d previously had no time for. It irritated her to no end. As much as she thrived in fast-paced, high-energy environments, would it hurt to experience some peace and quiet for once?
By the time she finished her coffee, she was suppressing a throbbing headache as she re-entered the bedroom, ready to dress up and head out for the day.
But as she stepped through the doorway, she halted. Her breath caught in her throat. And suddenly, the pain that pounded against her skull softened, travelled downwards, transforming into that ache she’d grown so accustomed to in the past month.
The sun had only just begun to rise. A curious thing, it sent its rays peeking through the curtains, and they just so happened to land on Luka’s face. His sleeping face, lax, youthful, with features only made softer by the golden glow on his porcelain skin. His hair itself looked to be spun from sunlight, and in that moment Hyuna was convinced he was an otherworldly blessing bestowed upon her by the gods.
Her heart, already so weak and frail, throbbed unbearably within her as she realised there was nothing she wanted more than to awaken to the sight of Luka like this every morning. She wanted to be by his side, to wake him with the smell of pancakes, to poke fun at him when there was drool on his chin. She wanted to hold their child close and have Luka’s arms wrapped around her too. She wanted to spend every day with him, always and forever, in sickness and in health.
Hyuna’s breath stuttered. Her knees grew weak, and she stumbled towards the edge of the bed, perching there and cupping a hand over her mouth.
If what she was feeling now really were a sickness, she’d be long dead.
Damn it all, she couldn’t deny it anymore.
She wanted a family with Luka.
***
The apartment was quiet.
Hyuna leaned against the kitchen counter, arms folded as she watched Luka stir some sort of soup – a ‘new recipe’ he'd wanted to try.
Luka was great. Really. But if there was one thing she knew, it was that she couldn’t trust him to be unaccompanied in the kitchen, so here she was, keeping a close eye as he sliced vegetables and adjusted the stove settings.
But this wasn’t the only reason why Hyuna lingered.
She made up her mind. She was going to bring it up today.
When he wasn’t looking, her gaze flickered upwards, from the vegetables and bubbling soup to Luka. To his furrowed brow, his focused eyes, his pursed lips as he diligently worked. She followed the slender line of his neck and not-so-subtly ogled the defined shoulders beneath his sweater. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, revealing the smooth skin of his forearms, where his muscles tensed and relaxed as he chopped the vegetables and stirred them into the mixture.
Her heart stuttered, and her lips curled into a smile as she watched him. He might not be the perfect dad, but it was more than clear that he was damn well going to try. When they’d first gotten together, Luka was a health hazard whenever he stepped into the kitchen. The mere thought of the first meal he’d whipped up for them made Hyuna’s stomach churn – the chicken he ‘cooked’ was practically still clucking.
But he took her criticism with stride, kept trying, and now here he was. He was willing to better himself for them both, and that was more than enough for her.
Luka turned down the heat, grabbed a spoon from their cutlery drawer, and tasted some of the soup. As soon as it touched his lips, his eyes lit up, and he turned to Hyuna, oblivious to the way his reaction made her melt. “Babe.” He refilled the spoon, offering it to her. “You have to try this.”
Her gaze flickered between him and the spoon, smile widening, before she leaned in and let him guide it into her mouth.
Indeed, the flavour burst on her tongue like celebratory fireworks, and her eyes widened. She rushed to prepare a compliment as Luka retracted the spoon, but before she could utter a sound, some of the soup trickled down her chin.
A minor inconvenience. She reached for the paper towel, content to wipe the spill unceremoniously, but–
Luka beat her to it, ripping a strip from the roll and cupping her chin, diligently wiping the soup. Then he glanced at her shirt, muttering a curse, before wiping the miniscule droplet that stained the fabric. “Sorry, love. I should’ve been more careful…” He folded the tissue and continued wiping as much as he could. “This was one of your favourite shirts too, but I– I went ahead and… ugh, I mean… I can buy a new one? If you want?”
Hyuna leaned in and kissed Luka’s forehead, fingers curling around Luka’s as she guided his hand away. “You don’t have to do all that. It’s just a shirt.”
His cheeks darkened at the kiss, though his expression still scrunched in frustration. “I know, but I… I want you to be happy. Let me do just this for you?”
You’ve already done so much, Hyuna wanted to say. But she held her tongue, watching fondly as Luka tossed the tissue into the bin and reached for another spoonful of the soup.
Could her heart get any fuller?
No. No, she’d surely burst if she let this build any longer.
“Luka.” Her voice was hushed, barely legible.
But Luka heard her. He always did. He turned to her again. “Mhm?”
Hyuna held her breath as their gazes interlocked. If she stared into his honey gaze long enough, she was certain she’d get lost in it. A selfish part of her wanted to.
“I… I think I want a kid.”
Luka froze, his smile faltering, and Hyuna couldn’t take it, couldn’t take the way her heart clenched and her hands grew clammy in anticipation. She tore her gaze away from him, staring at the soup he’d so meticulously prepared over the past hour. “It’s just… you’re always so… so hard-working, and kind, and loving, and… everything a father should be. And I’ve always wanted to start a family, but I told myself I'd wait for the right person. And– and now…” She swallowed thickly, meeting his gaze. “Now I’ve found him in you. Luka, I… I want to start a family with you.”
At last, she could breathe. Now that she’d voiced her feelings, the crushing weight dissipated. Regardless of the outcome, Hyuna was satisfied with knowing that Luka had heard her out, and they’d have a chance to consider this together.
Luka’s expression was still flat. Hyuna had no idea what he was thinking, whether he was amazed or repulsed. The uncertainty was unbearable.
“Say something,” she muttered, “please.”
He blinked, as if her voice jolted him from a daze, and he placed the spoon onto the kitchen counter. “Hyuna.” He inched closer to her. “You’re serious?”
She took a deep breath, nodding slowly. There was no going back now.
Then, finally, the corners of his lips tugged upwards, his smile so pure and loving that Hyuna wanted to sob.
“Hyuna,” he spoke again, and this time his voice was so much softer, so filled with wonder. His eyes glistened and his hands trembled as he cupped her cheeks. “Oh my god, Hyuna. I… I want that more than anything.”
Hyuna’s own vision blurred, tears spilling down her cheeks, though Luka was there to catch them. She sighed shakily, leaning into his touch as he brushed her tears away. “I’m so glad.”
He laughed then, the sound warm and melodic. “Do you… Do you think they’ll have gray or yellow eyes? Brown or golden hair?” His eyes flashed with exhilaration and something that indicated he wasn’t fully present, lost in his thoughts and speaking them haphazardly. “Ah– what if they’re a girl? Gods, Hyuna, can you teach me how to braid hair, just in case?”
A laugh bubbled in Hyuna’s chest, and she pressed a kiss to his lips, which were still parted around unspoken thoughts. “Slow down, love. I’m not even pregnant yet.”
He smiled at first, then dropped it, eyes widening and cheeks flushing in realisation. “Then, should I– should we–? Tonight?”
Oh, this dork.
(Hyuna was not blushing.)
She interlaced their fingers, squeezing tightly, and when Luka did the same her grin widened. It occurred to her, then, that this was really happening, and that all these weeks of painful pining, of yearning and longing, actually led to something. And for the first time in Hyuna's life, she was free to take the leap, on her own terms.
"There's no rush," she whispered, smiling warmly. "I'm ready when you're ready, Luka."