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15 years old shikamaru, his first day in class, his mom liked to take him to school early, that maybe it'll drive him to study in the freetime.
It didn't.
Rather he slept at his seat until students began to flood in.
“Ah what's your name” he heard his teacher say
“Neji, Hyuuga” a smooth faintly accented voice replied.
Hyuuga? Like Hinata?
“Yes, Hyuuga…” the teacher scanned his clipboard “ah! You're over there, by shikamaru”
What, next to me, like right next to me? Oh god…
Shikamaru slowly lifted himself off his desk, he knew a Hinata Hyuuga, sweet girl, but Neji, must be an older sibling? He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked at the boy walking towards him and setting his bag on the floor.
Soft features and large light purple eyes, contrasted by his dark brown hair and brows.
Damn.
“Hey?” the other spoke out to him.
“Oh.. shit- hey, hi… My bad." Shikamaru, like many his age, is incredibly, painstakingly awkward when met with an attractive face.
“Im Neji, i think you know my younger cousin” he tried to make conversation
“Mhm yeah” shikamaru was incredibly smart, but when it came to social interactions, he was kinda dull.
“Okay…” Neji faced away and dug into his backpack to grab his pens and notebook.
Looks like I'm out of luck with him for the next few years…, Neji thought to himself.
~~~~
When Shikamaru graduated, he moved a thousand miles away from his small town for university.
Coincidentally, to the same exact university Neji attended.
Maybe not entirely coincidently, the many conversations his father had with him, and the many more lectures his mother gave him, his parents at the end of the day decided he should go to the top university in their country. Even if shikamaru normally wouldmt care too much about going to a top school, he remembered Neji mentioning to his friends that is where he would go.
It'll make uni more interesting, maybe now I could talk to him. He told himself.
As Well as the broad selection of courses he could take, pretty good too.
So now shikamaru was off to university, his face caught up with his ears and grew a couple inches taller. He was feeling himself, so the moment he finished unpacking his belongings into his new dorm room, he whipped out his phone, searched for Nejis instagram, and dmed him.
Shikamaru: hey
the message was sent, he hoped Neji would respond before his confidence high wore off.
Or he could just ACTUALLY get high.
But, thankfully before his next thought he felt his phone buzz.
Neji: Shikamaru??
Neji: From highschool?
Shikamaru swiftly typed on his phone, shit how could he word this without saying it like he came for him.
Shikamaru: I'm going to your uni.
Shikamaru: good classes
Well that sounds stupid.
Neji: we should hang out, it'd be nice to talk to someone i know.
Shikamaru: sounds good
Shikamaru: yeah I’m down
Shikamaru: I can meet you
Shikamaru: car
Neji: mkayy, text me.
Shikamaru huffed, satisfied with how he handled the conversation.
So much so he decided he deserved a nap after all that heavy lifting AND making a move on Neji.
~~~
Neji stared at his phone confused, he had received a message from shikamaru?? Of all people. Even though he was a little confused, he proposed for them to hangout.
He wasn't close to the other at all in highschool, maybe a project together once, or polite “good morning” everyday they had class together.
Three years, they knew each other for three years sitting together but had never bothered to get closer.
I wonder what he looks like now. Neji couldn't help himself, and went to check the others profile, his profile picture, still black, guess not everything is a phase. He made his way to the most recent post, a dump of pictures, dated just a few days prior. He swiped through, and the second to last picture, a candid taken of shikamaru by a friend.
Neji audibly chuckled, noting that shikamaru still sported his hair up and out of his face, as well as the same earrings he'd always wear. Again, guess not everything is a phase.
~~~
So the two found themselves in Neji's apartment. Shikamaru wasn't surprised in the least that neji wasn't in school provided housing, his family was loaded.
They ordered some food to the apartment, and Shikamaru brought cheap beer to share between the two.
“Wanna eat on the roof? It's really nice outside” neji asked, and shikamaru quickly answered with a nod, grabbing the things and followed neji out
It was a little past 9, the sun was setting and Shikamaru couldn't help but gaze at the others soft features illuminated by the orange sky.
Damn
The two talked and drank their disgusting beer. Neji was fun, more friendly and warm than he was in highschool.
“Howd you get this nice apartment?” Shikamaru asked, already knowing the answer but just wanting to hear Neji talk.
Neji took a sip of his beer, scowling at the taste.
“My uncle wanted me gone, and thought if i had an actual apartment id be less likely to come home for holidays.” he smiled at the ground.
Shikamaru's eyebrow flipped.
“Wanted you gone?” he questioned
“Yeah, doesn't like me” shikamaru mouth dropped and his eyes widened
“You're kidding!” he turned to face neji head on “doesn't like you?? You were the most perfect dude in our class, hell probably our school!” he wasn't saying this for nothing, it was all true, neji was always first to turn in tests, homework completed in class, and valedictorian of his grade!
Neji smiled at the other
“Still doesnt like me, my cousins said he'll come around, but he never does and never will” neji leaned in closer, right next to shikamaru's ear. “I don't like him either though” he laughed lightly
Again, light talk and catching up they did for a couple hours, shikamaru had a new vision of his upperclassman. Originally being that he was pretty hot and wanted to score, or an unattainable dream that he was just close enough to, but now, he's a person, friendly, thoughtful, and again, quite awfully pretty.
Eventually it was pitch black outside, and the pair moved inside to neji's apartment, neji draped himself on his couch, while shikamaru sat on the floor next to him
They sat in silence for a bit, neji more tipsy than he should’ve been asked a question.
“Remember itachi.” shikamaru nodded, sasuke's older brother. Of course he remembered, he was narutos friend, and naruto would always talk about how much sasuke hates itachi.
“Yeah i knew his brother”
“I used to date him”
Shikamaru felt his world crash down, he immediately sobered up and stared at neji, his eyes were closed and his face in that soft neutral smile.
“He dumped me, i wasn't good enough for him apparently”
“Did he… say that?” shikamaru asked, because he just truly couldn't comprehend how someone could dump neji Hyuuga.
“Well, I just don't think I was enough for him, I wasn't pretty enough nor, uh active enough for him,” he laughed, still keeping his eyes closed.
Shikamaru thought about it, how could neji not be pretty enough for someone, sure, itachi was known for being incredibly good looking, he'd hear about him being everyone's “hallway crush”. Now that he thought about it, neji says they dated, he never saw the two together, or heard anything about it from naruto.
Not active enough either, he did picture neji as being a bit of a prude, but that's pretty shitty of itachi to leave him over.
“I'd do everything for him, I just.. You know I didn't want to sneak out because he was in the mood at 2 am… but he was so perfect, so I need to be better, I am better now.”
“Better?”
“Good enough for him, he'd say I needed to be better for him, he'd tell me he loved me, but… i dont know im forgetting” neji opened his wide eyes, being met with shikamarus concerned face in his
“Hey”
“Uh- hey” shikamaru tried to smile back at him.
“I'll win him back again, it'll be perfect this time, now that we're both out of highschool, he won't need anybody else like he did back then.”
That night neji continued to talk about itachi, spoiling his guts to shikamaru over it, and the entire time, shikamaru felt like actually spilling his guts. So when neji fell asleep, shikamaru carried him over to his bed, and left him a text that he was leaving.
As he walked to the dorm building, his thoughts swirled in his skull.
Itachi had cheated on Neji with his friend, someone he was told not to worry about, someone who neji actually grew pretty familiar with.
Damn
His stomach continued to ache and ache until he got to his own room and passed out as well.
~~~
neji and shikamaru found themselves hanging out just about every weekend they were free, and then many days out of the week too. Shikamaru would crash at Nejis after work sometimes, or neji would stay over at his dorm after they had studied together at the campus library.
Before they knew it, it was the end of the semester and shikamaru had the wonderful idea to travel back to their small town together. Even offering to let him stay over at his house. Neji refused, not wanting to intrude, plus, even if he didn't like his uncle, his cousins were there and he'd love to spend some time with them.
They flew over together, neji fell asleep, and shikamaru looked at him until he too eventually succumbed to exhaustion.
He did actually try to get over neji, well he didn't mean to even be so into him at first.
Sure he kinda had a crush on him in school, but he forgot about it, and wanting to sleep with him in the beginning of uni was just his ego getting the best of him.
Now that their friendship developed, and they grew closer shikamaru should be over him.
But he wasn't, he thought that after learning about itachi and getting closer with the other, the feelings would wear off. But they only grew. His stomach never truly settled, thinking neji still wanted to be with that jerk, he'd feel better if neji wanted to be with literally anyone else.
He wanted to be with neji.
Maybe he didn't try to get over neji, he stayed with his friend and listened to the itachi rants because he wanted to be close to neji, he didn't want to lose this friendship, he didn't want to lose neji.
They split up when they landed, deciding to hangout in a couple hours .
~~~
Shikamaru knocked on his friend Choji's door. He waited outside a couple of seconds until he heard footsteps walk over to the door.
The door swung open and shikamaru was met with the smiling face of his childhood best friend Choji. he grinned and pounced on the other, tightly hugging him.
“I have so much to tell you” shikamaru simply said, pulling away from the hug. Choji quirked an eyebrow
“Oh yeah?” the two had kept in touch for the most part, if you could count sending reels back and forth for 5 months keeping in touch.
So they entered Choji's house, and shikamaru plopped on the couch, his friend on the chair nearby.
“Remember neji hyuuga”
“Yeah hinata's snooty cousin”
“Yes him, i want him so bad”
“WHAT” the house practically rattled as choji jumped and hit the table
“Dude i think, i love him, damn…” he covered his face in embarrassment while his friends mouth stayed hung open.
~~~
Neji stood outside the gates of the large property. He had the key, the code, everything, but he couldn't just waltz in. He grabbed his phone and danced his fingers around hinatas contact for a minute until he finally decided to call her.
“Neji?” Her soft voice sounded from the other line
“Hinata, uh I’m outside… winter break” he paused “could you meet me outside?” He asked
“Of course yes!” She was excited, her and her older cousin just got close before he left for university. “don’t you have a key?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t want to intrude”
“It’s your house too, forever” he could hear her light footsteps quicken as she grabbed a coat and slipped on her slippers.
She hung up and ran to the gate, wide smile as she saw her cousin.
He returned a soft smile and she greeted him with a hug.
She pulled him by the arm up the long driveway to the house
“You wouldn’t believe, Guess what!” He opened his mouth to speak but Before Neji could even reply she Spoke out “I have a boyfriend!!” She squealed “but don’t tell anyone. Father doesn’t know and neither does hanabi.”
“Really? I’m the first you told in the family? Well who is he, where does he go to school, what’s he look like, for how long” the questions spewed out
“Kiba! Remember him!” Neji felt his eye twitch.
Kiba… the loudmouth kid she’d hangout with…
“Uhm… yeah yes I know I remember”
“Why are you making that face” she furrowed her brows
“What face?” He tried to refigure his expression into one joy
“I know Kiba was, eccentric, when you knew him. But he’s changed!! Like- matured!” She defended
“If you’re happy that’s all that matters” he told her
The cousins walked into the large building, the woody scents flooded his senses.
By the door, sitting on a small bench was hanabi,originally scrolling away on her phone, untill the click of the door caught her attention.
“Neji! You’re home!” She ran over to the others and hugged Neji.
“How’s highschool been?” She had just started that year.
“Doesn’t… really matter” her face and tone immediately dropped, Neji chuckled at the change in demeanor
The three decided to hang around in hinatas room, Neji filled them in on how his classes have been, and apologizing for not visiting at all his first year of university.
“By the way, I’m gonna head out” he told the two after talking for a few hours.
He had gotten a text from shikamaru asking if he was all settled in, if so, he could come pick him up.
“What! Where are you going!” Hanabi questioned
“Out, with a friend”
“Is it, do you have a boyfriend?” Hinata asked, recalling how he’d leave suddenly when he dated Itachi.
“No… just a friend, shikamaru, one of Naruto’s friends you know”
“Shikamaru? You hang out with him? Doesn’t seem like someone you’d wanna be around.” Hinata said, thinking back to elementary school, sleeping all day, huge ears, shikamaru.
Neji got up from the large bed they had all been sitting on, grabbing his wallet from his suitcase.
“Well you know, I’m not the same person I was two years ago”
“Your standards have dropped” hanabi blurted out
“They needed too! He was a major dick!” Hinata turned to her sister, then back to Neji “sorry…”
“No, no, I know” he smiled and glanced back at his phone.
Shikamaru: I’m outside
Neji: don’t say it like that, sounds creepy
“He’s here.” Neji gave his cousins a kiss on the forehead and was off.
Shikamaru and Neji drove to the local grocery store, wanting snacks, after they were planning on hanging out in the forest behind shikamarus house.
“I want sushi” Neji said to shikamaru, who was currently looking at the chip selection.
He nodded and watched the older boy wander off to grab his grocery store sushi.
He felt his chest flutter.
Damn.
He continued to look around at the snacks, grabbing some and placing them in the basket. Once satisfied with the selection, he went to find Neji, assuming he’d come back quickly after grabbing his food.
He spotted the other talking to someone, his view was blocked by the isle so he was unable to see who it was, but as he got closer he saw dark long loose hair.
Itachi uchiha…
He clenched jaw and felt his stomach churn.
It’s not like he didn’t know, he knew, Neji told him about Itachi all the time.
How he planned to get back with him, show him what he lost, whatever. But actually seeing it tore him apart. Never would he have thought it’d happen literally in front of him.
Neji had always been beautiful, even more so now, and itachi definitely noticed. It was telling by his face as he eyed the other up and down.
That's it, he’ll go up to him, maybe Itachi will get the wrong idea and leave Neji alone.
He strides over to the two, hoping that the pain in his stomach wasn’t obvious. The uchiha looked like he could smell fear.
“Neji, did you get your sushi” he asked, and yes he did because he saw the container in his hands
“Yeah” he smiled and held it out to shikamaru, who took it and placed it alongside the other snacks in the basket.
“Well it’s been lovely, I’d better get going” Itachi said “maybe I’ll see you around” he walked off and neji didknt see this, but he turned back around to look at him.
Aswell as to look shikamaru dead in the eyes and smile at him.
What a fucking bitch.
Shikamaru bit his tounge, he knew Itachi could sense that he liked Neji. Itachi knew and smiled at him. He's lost already.
“Shikamaru?” Neji said, his face tilted along with a semi worried expression. “You’re spacing out”
He quickly snapped back into reality.
“Huh, yeah, I’m good just a bit tired” he reassured.
Having cleared that up Neji practically jumped on shikamaru, a grin plastered on his face.
“Did you see!” He said “he came up to me, I knew it would happen!”
He was so happy, shikamaru couldn't take this away from him. but man, he couldn’t bare to watch.
“Oh-oh! Yeah I saw, I’m happy for you dude.” Smiling back felt like his face getting torn apart by desert hot tongs.
They checked out, and were off to shikamarus house. Along the way, Neji was talking and talking about Itachi, every word felt like another stab to his heart.
So much so that when they arrived and settled down in the forest, shikamaru snapped.
He was annoyed, why can’t Neji get over the other. He doesn’t understand how much he is worth, that Itachi didn’t deserve him.
It was sunset, and shikamaru looked at nejis face, glowing with the orange sky.
Just like that first night.
“I can’t do this anymore Neji.” He stated calmly. The other turned to look back at him, his face scared.
“What do you mean…” his speech quickened
“I want you to get over him, it’s been years… I can’t take this”
“So, our entire friendship, you’ve been after me.” He frowned and shikamaru could feel the hostility build up in the other's throat.
“No! Well, I didn’t mean to like you so much. And I’m not saying any of this just because I’m in love with you. I can’t stand it Neji” he drew a sharp breath “seeing someone as amazing as you, continue chasing after someone who doesn’t deserve you”
The others face turned from worry into one of anger.
“So this is how you tell me”
“Tell you what”
“That you’re in love with me goddamnit”
“Fuck- Neji I’m sorry I didn’t mean to. I’ve genuinly loved being your friend, I never tried anything because I knew you weren’t interested.”
“Fuck you” he spat
“I’m sorrry”
“I hate you”
“I know”
Tears rolled down shikamarus smiling face, the two simply looked at eachother waiting for someone to speak.
“Fuck you” neji spat out, tears poured out his eyes
“I’m sorry neji”
“I hate you” he cried, shikamaru attempted to offer a comforting hand but Neji smacked it away.
“I know”
Silence
neji slowly stopped crying, he reached out to the others face and roughly grabbed him.
“Neji-“
“Shut up” he drew him closer, and kissed him. Once again he began to cry. shikamaru was shocked, his eyes widened but he welcomed the closeness.
They stayed like that for a minute, untill shikamaru pulled away.
“So am I a rebound” he joked, but it ate away at him
“I don’t know”
“I mean, if it’s Itachi you want, who am I to stop you”
“I don’t want Itachi”
“Then?”
“I don’t know.”
“I love you Neji”
“Don’t say that to me” he choked
“sorry… wanna… make out some more?”
“Yeah”
The two messily made out that night in the forest, Neji didn’t go home either, staying over at shikamarus. They slept close, but shikamaru still felt the gap in his stomach.
He has everything he’s wanted sleeping soundly in his arms, but he’s still unhappy.
This is how life was for a couple months, talks of Itachi never resurfaced, they’d make out, mess around, but it was like nothing really changed. Shikamaru would tell him he loved him while he finished, rubbing a thumb on his sweaty face so he’d look back up at him.
Shikamaru couldn’t complain, this is what he wanted.
But now that’s he’s got it, maybe he’s grown entitled. He wanted more, he wanted Neji to tell him he loved him, he wanted to hold Neji's hand and be able to tell people he was his boyfriend.
~~~
Neji cared for shikamaru, very deeply. He realized, that it no longer was the thought of Itachi that made his chest flutter, it was the way shikamaru looked at him, the sound of shikamarus voice, it was shikamaru.
He had fallen so deep into the idea that he needed Itachi to want him, he couldn’t imagine anyone else being able to love him.
Finally he was able to open his eyes, Itachi didn’t care for him, shikamaru stayed through all those nights Neji cried over the uchiha.
Shikamaru cared, and he wanted him so much.
“I love you too” Neji spoke softly against shikamarus ear as he fell ontop of him.
“What”
“I love you too” his hands made their way to shikamarus back, swirling soft circles around the skin.
Shikamaru didn’t say anything, not wanting to get off and look Neji in the eye or else he’d probably start bawling.
He got it, finally everything he’s wanted for the past 10 months. He got Neji, not just his body or his touch, but his love. Neji loved him.