Chapter Text
The Engineer was sitting in his room, hunched over his desk, a large paper splayed out before him. If someone entered now, they would most likely assume he was working on some type of machine or construction. And they’d be right any other day, but today the Engineer faced another problem. On the paper in front of him was a sloppily drawn interior of a car from a perspective that allowed a good view on all ten seats – two in the front and back and three in the two middle rows each.
The Administrator had told him, not personally but through Miss Pauling, that the Mercs and Miss Pauling had to move location for a few days. For what reason she didn’t say, and Miss Pauling certainly didn’t seem to know. But it wasn’t like that hadn’t happen before, so he wasn’t surprised.
He hadn’t been entrusted with the location yet though she told him that it was a six-hour ride. Ever since then the Engineer had sat on his desk brooding over who the hell he could allow to sit next to each other – it was his most challenging task yet.
Pyro sat on one of Engineer’s many drawers between dozens of pens and paper drawing scribbles. They made little sounds every now and then, sounds like humming and muffled sounds that Engie guessed was Pyro talking to themselves. Engie didn’t mind, in fact he really liked the company. Some of the other mercs found Pyro’s presence unsettling, Engie didn’t understand, not entirely anyways.
He looked at the paper in front of him again. Since he was the one driving, he decided to have Pyro sit next to him. If only to keep an eye on them (this was a lie he told himself. Because Dell knew very well that Pyro only ever looked out the window on car rides and had never made any problems. No, Dell wanted Pyro to sit in the passenger seat because he’d grown very fond of them, perhaps he had been since they first started this job).
That left seven more seats to be filled with names (not eight since Sniper was going to drive in his own van).
He’d just about drawn the stick figures in the front seats and written ‘Pyro’ and ‘Engie’ over them when someone knocked on the door. He leaned back in his chair, “come on in”.
The Medic stood there, one hand on the doorknob, the other awkwardly holding the Medi Gun, “I am terribly sorry to disturb you at this late hour, Mr. Conagher, but I have trouble with the Medi Gun, and I cannot seem to fix it.”
Engineer had always wondered about the Medic’s overly formal manner of speaking and had more than once encouraged him to call him by his first name, though as it seemed the Medic hasn’t taken him up on that offer yet.
“Of course” he said, smiling and took the gun out of his hands to inspect it. He found the problem almost immediately, “’s only a small malfunction, I can fix it up for ya right now. You can wait here, it gon’ take two minutes at most.”
The Doctor sighed relieved and spoke his gratitude before leaving Dell to work at his workbench. Dr. Ludwig stood patiently in the middle of the room for a whole of ten seconds before obeying his nature and subtly walking around the room. He would call it observing, but he was just snooping around.
His gaze landed on the piece of paper with the car on it. “You’re making a seat plan for the trip?” he tried to sound casual, but the curiosity in his voice was clear as day.
“Yep, just tryin’ to make it nice and most importantly tolerable for y’all since it gon’ be one long car ride.”
Medic nodded thoughtfully. He continued his more or less subtle stroll through Engineer’s room. “You know, Mr. Conagher,” he started, and Dell instantly recognized that certain brightness in his voice whenever he had something exciting to tell. He looked up from the gun on his desk expectantly.
“I really shouldn’t say,”
Dell couldn’t help his small smile. The Doctor always said that before dropping juicy information on him, one might even call it gossip. Because he was polite and modest, but even more than that he was curious and loved sharing insider information, especially with Dell.
Medic glanced sceptically at Pyro, but apparently decided that it wouldn’t matter if they knew what he was about to share, “I was recently analysing blood samples from our colleagues and just for fun I decided to check up on a bit more than usual, and the strangest thing revealed itself.” He left a small pause for dramatic effect, “The Spy’s and Scout’s DNA show similarities of that of relatives!”
The Screwdriver almost slipped Dell’s hand as he stared at the man in front of him, “You’re shittin’ me.”
“I kid you not,” the Medic shook his head, “How I exactly I cannot know but these two are related and I strongly suspect that Spy is Scout’s father. Though I also suspect the Scout doesn’t know.”
“Now that is some truly interesting news, Doctor.” The Engineer screwed the opening of the gun’s inner, mechanical life shut, “you think we should tell him? Or encourage the Spy to tell him?”
“As much as I would love to, I don’t think it would benefit their relationship; you know how much they hate each other – or at least act like they do.” Deep in thought, Dr. Ludwig put a hand on his chin, something Dell thought only people in cartoons did.
“I think I have an idea. How about we subtly bring them closer together as father and son and once the Scout wished the Spy was his dad, we reveal it to him!”
“We don’t even know if the Spy wants him as a son. If he did, why didn’t he tell Scout? I don’t think it’s right to meddle here, ya know?”
Medic gave him a knowing look, and Dell knew he should have kept his mouth shut, “I think you more than anyone in this building know how difficult it is to have a family while also having a job that conflicts with said family. Spy is a busy man, always had been. A son – he probably couldn’t take care of. So, he – and this is just a guess – vanished from his life before Scout could miss him. And yet he agreed to this god-awful job, not because he enjoys it, but because he wants to be in his son’s life – one way or another.” He shrugged, and crossed his arms in a very sassy manner, “but again this is just a guess.”
Polite man to hell the Medic was a huge bitch, but Dell shouldn’t be surprised by this. Of course, he knew that the Medic was right, he also knew that it sounded all too familiar. He wondered, if he was in Spy’s position, would he have done the same just to be near his children even as just a stranger?
“Your gun is all fixed up.” He said abruptly and handed it to the man.
“You know that I don’t mean to insult you, just giving you something to think about. We should continue our talk about the Spy-Scout situation sometime else, yes?” he was almost out the door, when he turned one last time, “Oh, and if you see Heavy, please send him to the Med bay, tell him the delivery came, thank you.” He smiled sweetly, and disappeared into the corridor.
Dell knew that the Doctor tended to make his lessons sound harsh by choice to make them more effective. And he hated himself for admitting it, but Medic was almost always right.
He sighed and made his way over to the seat plan. He scribbled a figure with the name ‘Medic’ on the window seat in the second to last row – his small, personal revenge by not letting him sit near Dell during the car ride.
Pyro gave him a questioning look (at least Engie interpreted it as one) and he smiled, “it’s all good.” They nodded and returned to their drawing.
The door swung open wide, and an energetic Scout stepped through its frame, "yo, Engie, just wanted to ask about the trip tomorrow. Forgot how long it was and what I need to pack, you know?" He greeted Pyro by throwing a piece sign at them and they made a cheerful noise in response.
Engineer, still startled from the sudden entry, pen still in hand, turned to Scout with a disappointed look, "Scout I told you to knock before barging in like that."
"Ah, sorry man, totally forgot. Next time I promise" and there was even a hint of guilt in his confident eyes.
"It's fine," Engineer smiled reassuringly. "And about the car ride, it's gon' be six hours long and you should pack anything that keeps ya entertained. God knows we don't need a car filled with nine people who are all bored out o' their skull."
"Yeah, for sure, man. and like clothes and stuff or, you know, my weapons?"
"Scout, we moved location before. Plus, it was all explained to you like three hours ago. What, did ya forget everything?" he tried not to sound angry, but he couldn't hide his irritation.
"Yeah I know, I was just, somewhere else ya know?" he gestured vaguely to his head, and looked to the side, almost shamefaced.
The Engineer walked up to him and put his hand on Scout's shoulder, "you're good, son, happens to all of us. Clothes and weapons are delivered with different cars, it wouldn’t fit in with the one we’re taking."
When he saw Scout's relieved and grateful smile, Dell was reminded of how much he missed being a father to someone.
Scout cleared his throat and stepped back a bit, overplaying his embarrassment, "Well in that case I can pack my bags with snacks only, thanks Engie"
"Sure thing, kid." He expected this to be Scout’s way of saying bye, but the boy remained near the door, standing awkwardly.
“Do you want to talk about what was on your mind earlier?” Engie asked carefully.
“Ah, I don’t know, it was nothing really.” He shrugged, a smile that didn’t reach his eyes on his lips, “I just... had an argument with Spy, nothing new so it doesn’t matter.”
Dell made a grimace, “you don’t look like it doesn’t matter to you. You don’t have to tell me what the argument was about, but it is important to talk about stuff like this, your feelings I mean.”
Scout sighed and sat down on one of the chairs, “it wasn’t even that one argument it’s just everything you know? Like we’re getting along pretty well one day and the other we fight again, and I just want him to like me. Not like in a gross way. I just want him to be... proud of me. Ugh, that sounds so pathetic.”
Engie gave him a pitiful look, “Don’t sound pathetic to me.”
Scout stood up, almost hectic, “no, it is! I’m 26 and behaving like a kid, still lookin’ for a dad-” he paused, eyes wide in realization of what he’d just admitted. His arms fell to his side, defeat written across his face.
“Scout, it’s more than normal to miss something you never had. And yes, even when you’re already an adult.”
“I don’t see anyone else being as pathetic as me.”
Engie walked up to him again and put his hand on his back, “Every one of us has something they’re not proud of, or something they would rather not talk about, even I do. So, trust me, you’re not pathetic.”
For a moment Scout looked like he wanted to ask what this something was for Dell, but decided against it, “okay, thank you, Engie.”
Dell nodded, “now go pack your things, alright?”
Scout smiled. On his way out he turned to Pyro, “you wanna have more of those?” he gestured at one of Scouts comic books they had borrowed lying next to them. Pyro jumped from the counter excitedly and followed Scout out the door. Not before waving good bye to Engie of course.
Dell stood in the middle of the room for a bit longer just letting thoughts come and slip before he could follow them. Then he went back to his desk and drew Scout's figure in the middle of the second row. He had grown fond of the boy and liked him close, even if he would officially say that he wanted direct access to snacks during the car ride.
He didn't trust him enough to sit at the door though so the middle seat it was. He would need to think of two relatively calm people to sit next to him or else the second row would get pretty annoying. Again, six hours.
Dell had exactly thirteen minutes of uninterrupted work time until his door was kicked open. Literally. It now hung limb on one hinge, the lock properly busted. Dell, still in shock, first stared at the broken door before he let his gaze wander to its frame to see a Soldier with a shotgun in his hand, pointed at him.
“Uhhh…” he didn’t really feel scared or endangered, more confused than anything. Especially because of the gun in Soldier’s hands.
“Soldier, that’s not your shotgun.”
“Pyro agreed to lend it to me.” He yelled way too loud in his usual tone that sounded like he was being questioned by a commander.
“Okay,” Dell scratched his head in confusion, “why?”
Soldier took a few steps forward, narrowing his eyes while the gun was still pointed at Dell, “I could not find any of my weapons in their usual spot, somebody must have taken them. I suspected Pyro or Demoman, but they’re clean. You’re next on my list.” He lowered his voice in an attempt to sound threatening (it sounded silly if anything), “speak, Engineer, where are my weapons?”
Engie desperately searched withing himself for some calmness or at least empathy or understanding. He did not succeed.
“Soldier, you are, and I don’t say this lightly, so thick-headed I could hit ya in the face with a tire iron and you won’t yell ‘till morning.”
The room was silent for more than a few moments until Soldier opened his mouth again, “I have no idea what any of these words mean! What I do know is that your brain is gonna paint that wall if you don’t hand out my weapons!”
“Jane, the weapons are being loaded into a transporter by Miss Pauling and Heavy as we speak. You can probably see them from your window.” He brought up two fingers to massage the bridge of his nose, “were ya not listenin’ when Miss Pauling explained everything?”
A figure appeared behind Soldier, who would turn out to be Demoman, swinging his arm around Soldiers shoulder, “ye harrasin’ Engie again?”
“I’m acquiring information!”
Demo gave Engie an amused, but still pitiful look, “A think you’ve aquiried enough for today, go check on them weapons.” He squeezed him once then let him go. Soldier gave Engie one last suspicious look that probably meant something along the lines of ‘if I don’t find my weapons where you said you’re a dead man’ before turning around and stomping out the room.
“Ask them if they need help if you’re already there!” Engie yelled after him, not sure if he could still hear him. Then he turned to look at Demo, “what can I do for ya?”
“Just needin’ some chems from the workshop if ye dinnae mind.”
“Help yourself.” He threw the key for the chemicals-shelf (he did not trust his team to be responsible with easy access to highly toxic substances) into Demos hands and sat back down at his desk. It was hard to concentrate though, Engie couldn’t help but notice Demo’s hunched figure and even from this far away his eyes looked tired. He wondered if he should mention it. It couldn’t hurt right? Just asking if he’s been sleeping well lately, no big deal. Or should he even be involved in his colleagues’ lives? Sometimes it was best to leave people with their own problems.
Against all odds however, Dell was a caring person. It wasn’t the first trait he’d tell someone about himself but probably the truest one. And so, against all odds he asked Demo, “you… you alright?” casual, yet sincere.
“I dinnae…” he turned around, two vaguely toxic looking substances in his hands. “Called me mom earlier. Always a bit hard.” He looked a lot smaller all of a sudden.
Dell pointed to a chair across his desk. Demo seemed indecisive at first, making one step towards and then back from the chair before giving up and sitting down.
“I’m not gonna cry into yer shoulder aboot me mum.”
“You can if ya want to.” He pointed questioningly to a bottle of whiskey on his desk. Demo nodded and two glasses were quickly filled.
Demo sighed, “A guess parents are just... difficult. She’s not too bad, my mother, A mean. A know people who’ve been worse, but the fact that they're yer parents makes it worse because they're supposed tae be different.”
Dell nodded, giving Demo the room to speak without interrupting him.
“It’s just difficult to really resent her.” Tavish continued, “A feel guilty and it’s dumb ‘cause if she’s treated me badly and just keeps doing so without changing, then A have a reason tae leave her. Normally when A can't get along with people A cut them off, easy as that. But parents... it's harder. you're supposed to love them, but I'm not so sure A dae.”
Dell felt very uncomfortable right now. He knew Demo wasn’t indirectly talking about him or something, but still, all he could hear was what he’d done wrong, whose child was saying these exact things to someone else right now.
“I'm not really at a place to judge your mother or any parent for that matter. But I know that parents love their children and they're never afraid to show it, and if your mother doesn't make ya feel loved, then...” he shrugged, letting the implication linger between them.
Demo sighed, “I dinnae. I'll think aboot it.”
They sat in silence for a bit longer drinking their drinks, listening to the clock ticking on the wall.
Demo emptied his glass with a swig, "I'm gonna go now."
Engie nodded, "I'm sorry I couldn't help you more. But as a parent I couldn't say the right things, I'm a little biased in that field." he gave him a pained smile.
"It’s fine, Dell, ye can’t help everyone. But thanks for listenin'. I'm gaun tae talk to Soldier aboot it later."
"He got a problem with his folks?"
Demo laughed shortly, more of a scoff, "more than one. He’s been through worse than me. It's nice tae talk to a person who gets this sorta thing."
Dell nodded, "understandable. I'm glad he's there for you."
"Me too."
He waved goodbye to Engie and left. This whole conversation with Demo left him feeling useless. He shook the feeling off and instead turned his attention to the door. Fixing it would take his mind off whatever it had tried to think right now, so he grabbed his screwdriver and got to work.
He had quickly fixed the lock and was just about to correct it into its hinges again when Heavy walked through the corridor. Dell stopped in his action to greet him, “Hey, you guys done? Everythin’ ready?”
“Da, when do we leave tomorrow?”
Engie straightened his back and inhaled deeply, “if everythin’ goes to plan around nine. But, well, I wouldn’t bet yer money on it if I were you, ya know the team.”
Heavy crossed his arms and nodded knowingly. Then his gaze wandered to the broken door, “someone got angry here?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.
Engie laughed shortly but it was more frustrated than joyful, “somethin’ like it. Soldier paid me a visit earlier.”
“Ah.” Heavy said, like that was enough explanation. He kept inspecting the door hinges, while Engie fidgeted awkwardly with the screwdriver in his hand. They were both unsure of what to talk about next, then Engie remembered his conversation with Medic earlier. All these people interrupting his precious free time had almost made him forget about it.
“The Doctor stopped by while you were busy, wanted me to tell ya to pay him a visit.” He scratched his head, “something about a special delivery? I wasn’t so sure what that meant.”
“Ah” for the blink of an eye there was an amused smile on Heavy’s face, then his expression was blank again. “Yes, Doctor ordered organs.” He said that as if that was a completely normal and reasonable thing to do.
“Uhm, okay? And why does he need you?”
“To put organs inside.” And again, his tone was completely neutral, almost challenging Engie to even imply that that was a bad idea.
Engie, of course, still showed his concern, “and you’re sure that you can handle… that?”
“I can handle many things, not as weak as Scout or fragile like Spy.” He turned up his nose slightly, looking down on Dell even more than he already did.
But Dell wasn’t impressed, “do ya think that’s a good idea? He can be quite... sadistic sometimes.”
“I know, but Doctor is very hard working, often exhausted. Is good to do nice things for people who work too much. Is like sweet treat, and I don't mind.”
“Just don’t let him take advantage of that. And as long as you’re not doing anythin’ to punish yourself or whatever it is that would make someone put up with such things, I won’t tell ya anythin’”
Heavy sounded not angry, but firm when he answered, “I am compassionate man; does not mean I am idiot. I know when to tolerate and when not. Engineer don’t need to worry. Is grown man you’re talking to, and Doctor is not evil, just...different.”
Of course, Dell knew that.
Heavy put his Hand on his shoulder in an almost friendly manner, “I appreciate concern, but I don’t need. Concern about others.” He thought for a second, “concern about yourself, hm?” and in any other situation Dell would’ve interpreted that as a passive aggressive remark, but right now Heavy seemed sincere. He gave him an appreciative smile in return, and the big man took it as his que to leave for the Med bay.
Engineer continued his work on the door. His head buzzed with thoughts and impressions. Who would’ve thought that in the span of one evening he would be presented with so many things to brood about? It had all started with the Medic and his discovery.
He shut the fixed door. Then he went to his desk to pour himself another whiskey.
Concern about himself? What was there to even worry about? Dell was doing just fine.
He downed the glass in one swift motion and sat back down at his desk.
What a fucking joke of a day.
The seat plan stared at him. Sighing, he grabbed his pen and squiggled “Heavy” on the seat behind the driver’s seat, right next to scout. He was calm and firm enough to keep Scout in check in case he had too much energy. Also, he refused to let Heavy and Medic sit next to each other. He had this hunch that Medic’s “special” behavior was mostly enabled by Heavy. And whatever they did behind doors was their business, but as the driver he took the liberty of sitting them apart. He went even a step further and put Soldier next to Medic in the middle seat of the second to last row.
Sure, Medic would be annoyed by Soldier (as he was all the time anyways) but the only thing he’d do about it were snarky remarks and Soldier either ignored those or was too dumb to understand (Dell could never really tell).
He remembered his conversation with Demo earlier, and decided that having him next to Soldier was maybe a better idea than he’d initially thought. The only people missing now were Spy and Miss Pauling. He laughed a little pained to himself, thinking of when they were going to pass by, when the door opened. To his surprise, Sniper walked in.
Dell had to muster all his willpower not to groan, after all, it wasn’t Sniper’s fault that almost the entire team had used Dell as their personal complain phone.
“Hey.” Sniper said kind of awkwardly.
Engie observed him with a mix of annoyance and curiosity.
“Hi.” He greeted eventually.
Sniper remained stood by the door, “I heard you were making the seat plan?”
“Uhm, yes. Why?”
“Just wanted to ask if I could get a window seat?”
“Oh.” Engie was genuinely surprised by his question. “I thought you were gon’ take your van. I didn’t plan for ya.”
“Right…” it was clear that sniper was hurt or at the very least annoyed. “I mean it’s just for a week, I can live one week without it and fuel isn’t cheap either.”
“Yer right, sorry. Ya just seem to be happier alone most of the time, so I just assumed I guess.”
Sniper was quiet. He didn’t look at Dell, instead let his gaze fixed on the floor. He looked like he wasn’t sure if he should say something or just leave. Engie felt a bit weird, like he said something wrong.
“If you want to say something…” he started carefully, giving Sniper the opportunity to talk to him.
“It’s just…” he visibly struggled for words. Sniper was someone who was always a bit careful with his words. In Dell’s eyes he tended to be careful not to sound stupid, but only because he was afraid of judgement.
“I don’t want you to decide what I want.” He said, his tone serious, but he tried to sound casual. “I still want to be asked to join. We’ve worked together for years – I like spending time with you and the others, just not always.” He scratched his arm.
Engie was stunned for a moment – it wasn’t often that he was directly criticized for something, even less to see Sniper talking about his feelings. But he was right, and Dell felt a little shitty. To have it layed out before him so clearly it almost filled Dell with shame, because of course it was a shitty thing to assume someone out of an activity.
“I’m sorry, you're right, I wont make that mistake again.” Apparently he sounded sincere enough because Sniper nodded, “thanks.”
“A window seat you said?” he pulled out his pen, "I'm glad you're joining us, by the way."
Sniper smiled, “Thank you, Dell.”
The atmosphere was more peaceful as Sniper left and Engie lay back in his chair with a sigh after putting his name next to Scout in the second row.
This left only the two seats all the way in the back for Spy and Miss Pauling so he scribbled their names over the seats. Dell regarded the paper in front of him and nodded quite pleased with himself; yes, this could work.
Dell wondered if having the seat plan all figured out would break this ridiculous curse of all his coworkers barging in one after the other. He wondered for a whole of two minutes, when someone knocked on his door.
He tried to put on a not-as-annoyed-as-he-actually-was face and yelled out to whoever that they could enter. To his surprise it was the Spy. He smiled shortly, more of a hello than a sign of happiness, and pointed to a plate in his right hand, "you didn't come eat dinner, so I brought you some."
He hadn’t even noticed the time passing, has it already been 7?
Engineer looked at the plate with a raised eyebrow and Spy sighed, "don't worry, the Heavy cooked. You're fine" Engineer nodded. Heavy's cooking was great, just yesterday it was Soldier's turn and if Engie wanted to eat burned soup from the can again he could've grabbed it for himself. but of course, he gladly accepted anything Heavy made. He was surprised to see Spy bring it to him though, usually when he didn't show up for dinner it was Pyro who brought him a plate.
"Thanks, Spy, really appreciate it." he took the meal from the man and placed it on his desk. He expected to hear the door open and shut as he did, but the room remained quiet. A little confused he turned to see the Spy standing awkwardly in the middle of the room.
"Did ya need anythin'?" Dell asked irritated but tried not to sound too hostile. Spy looked like he was about to say something, something honest until he decided against it, "Scout was here earlier, yes? Did he forget what miss Pauling told us about the trip?"
Dell raised an eyebrow, "right on the nose, Spy. You know him well it seems." There was something in Spy's eyes, a tiny hint of surprise? No, relieve? No, that was not the right word. Pride, the Spy was proud. Of himself? For knowing his son? It was gone a second later. It was an emotion that was now carved in Engineer’s mind, something he longed to feel for himself one day, something he aspired to.
“I pay attention, nothing more.”
There was awkward silence for a moment until Spy spoke up again, “you talked about anything else?”
A raised eyebrow from Engie again, “we did, but you know you could just ask him. I wouldn’t tell ya a man’s secrets.”
“Secrets?”
“You’ll have to ask him yourself, partner.”
Spy looked like he wanted to say something mildly rude but chose to press his lips together and force out a short “fine.” And he turned to leave the room.
Engineer sighed, “wait” and to his surprise the Spy stopped, one hand on the door handle.
“I’m not tryna be mean, all right? ‘M just saying that if ya want to know somethin’ from people ya have to ask them about it. Sneaking around and teasing out information from others will only get ya so far.” He wondered if he should keep talking. He couldn’t see Spy’s face though his whole body had gone tense.
He decided that an opportunity to help Scout like this wouldn’t come again, “believe it or not, but some people like talkin’ to ya. I know it’s not always easy but honest human connections are all we have when the day’s over. Ya never know if yer gonna regret not making ‘em.”
It was quiet for a painful minute. Then Spy turned around, cheeks red like he was embarrassed, but face distorted in anger, “I do not need a lecture on people from a person who’s only interest are machines. I know more about ‘making connections’ than you will ever do. Don’t psychoanalyze me. You know nothing about me or my life.” He didn’t give Dell the chance to answer, and the door shut close with a loud bang.
Well, he sure as hell wasn’t hungry anymore.